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2,435 Public Reviews Given
2,435 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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651
651
Review of Bright Future  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Brook.lin Galf Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Bright Future" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A journey through the dark to the light. A movement from drowning, from the night, from the depths, towards freedom.

*Quill*Commentary

I liked the theme of from darkness to light. Though I wondered why this was accompanied by a yearning for the end of June which is the brightest of all months with the longest of all days.

The old words gave it a context and distinctive feel but seem to have been misused.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You used 4 really old English/Scottish words here that had me scrambling for the dictionary.

Leoht meaning light is singular so should the next word be "has?"

Fleoge is from the verb to flee but you use it as a noun.

Clead again is a verb while you use it to describe a clothing object.

Earldor is a title but here it is used as if it were a place or a warming object like the sun or something.

The birds gale lovely tune - Does this mean the birds are yelling in which case why is it lovely. Or is this sound of a flock of birds? Was not clear to me.


Thanks for sharing.

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652
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Review of Potato Pride  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, {user:dannigan. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Potato Pride" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Potato companies based in Fargo, North Dakota are feeling the recession and not selling their products. Yet they find a new market in the most surprising place...

*Quill*Commentary

Unpeeled potatoes, conveyor belts stilled, layoffs, and too much stock are all symptoms of a decline in sales. But capitalism can now peruse a wider market and finds a new one in China. Such is the nature of business in the new world but it took a recession to wake the company up to the possibilities of globalism.

You used a lot of big words to say this but I liked how it all came together. The message and story here are authentic and true.

It is not the best poem ever but it does the job.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

No obvious errors.


Thanks for sharing.

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653
653
Review of Life is Not Easy  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, GentlemanWarrior Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Life is Not Easy" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A father describes the difficulties he had with the adoption process to his adopted family. He explains that life is not always easy. The story demonstrates how serious he was about finding his kids and building a family and that the best things in life often come at a cost. Life is not easy but keep battling on as it is worth it in the end.


*Quill*Commentary

I liked this simple story of perseverance. It is missing one key element though, the moment you got the good news. If this was a lesson about perseverance and how life is not easy surely the success at the end of that would have demonstrated it was all worth it in the end.

This was well written and engaging from start to finish.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Minor issues with commas and composite words: e.g. web site = website. But nothing that distracted from the flow.


Thanks for sharing.

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654
654
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Sailor M Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Suddenly The Light Went Out" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This is set on a visit to Mr. and Mrs. Hansen in Boston. The instructions were simple. Do not go into the basement! Yet he went and had a look anyway. He went through the right door and had a bad experience...


*Quill*Commentary

This was funny. How many times and in how many ways have people been told not to push the red button, not to go into the basement, not to eat the apples from that tree? And yet have done it anyway.

You kind of wonder why the door was not locked.

Though I guess the story is also a little creepy as it raises the question as to who or what the Hansens had in the room down there. Was it a child or a monster? Was it there in the dark voluntarily or not, the door was unlocked so maybe this is not kidnapping? Also, they had two rooms so there was more than one creature. A serious discussion should have followed this incident even a report to the police.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing found.


Thanks for sharing.

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655
655
Review of Secret Cave Swim  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Schnujo NEEDS to do homework Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Secret Cave Swim" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This thirsty creature sounded almost military in her careful, disciplined, and planned approach and then exit strategy from the water. First, the reconnaissance searching the shadows looking for movement and for threats. The awareness not slipping even as she enjoys the water and the drink. You really uncovered the emotional intensity of the moment. The reader could also experience her fear and pleasure, the feeling of power over her circumstances, and the awareness of her vulnerability in this place. Then the sixth sense that tells her it is time to leave. She does this methodically by drying her feet walking around the edge of the pool and maintaining a poise that does not leave a trail of drips to follow as she disengages from the water hole. She leaves no tracks as she returns to her lair.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I really like this. You left it suitably mysterious as to what this creature looks like. But she was clearly a rare survivor of an endangered species. You describe her as "a hybrid of nightfall and silver who fancied the moon her sister and the stars her cousins." This could describe delusion, beauty, or indeed a strangeness impossible to describe. It seems there were no witnesses and that she lives alone. We know her feelings, we know something of the colors of the cave and the experience of the water hole but we know little else about her.

Was she supernatural when she needed water to drink? Was she the cousin of a star when she was clearly not made of fire. Was she the sister of dead moon rock when clearly so alive? The poetry in the words was cool and made the creature live for us but the impossibility of the description only adds to her strangeness.

Maybe your military training showed through a little in this piece also with the awareness of how the creature approached and then dealt with danger and vulnerability to the enemy (somewhere out there).

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Good first line

This read very well and I did not find any distracting errors.

But:

The first few swallows seemed to be absorbed insider her cracked, dry mouth and stick in her desiccated throat. - The first few swallows seemed to be absorbed inside her cracked, dry mouth and stick in her desiccated throat.

Thanks for sharing.

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656
656
Review of Night's Annex  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, InkSpout Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Night's Annex" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A kidnap case requires a local myth relating to the occupants of Nights Annex to be first disproved. Gavin is assigned the task of capturing one of the Devil Bats accused of the kidnap by the missing girl's father. It is presumably the case that the capture will help to disprove this as a possibility and open the way for a more considered examination of the facts. But Gavi must overcome childhood trauma and memories in the strange shadowy world of the moonlit forest. Is he up to the challenge?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Gavin sounds like an interesting character who grows as a result of overcoming his childhood trauma here. You describe the scene quite well in the imagery you evoke though these descriptions are often betrayed by poor mechanics. I liked the story and the theme of the triumph of truth over myth and courage over fear but felt that the mechanical mistakes were distracting and needed to be fixed to make this story generally accessible.

The low mark is mainly due to the mechanical mistakes as your content was good.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The first sentence is too long and contains mistakes and awkward phrasing.

The full moon shined its menacing light through the little crevices allotted by the forest’s thick trees, casting shadows ten times as big as their tangible counterparts.

- shined should be shone or cast.
- the image here is powerful and compelling but requires too much thought to digest for a first line. I should be hooked immediately but instead am working out the meaning of "tangible counterparts" and only then realizing that the shadows are ten times larger than the trees themselves.
- You might consider cutting the first line short: The full moon shone its menacing light through the little crevices allotted by the forest’s thick trees then you could talk about the oversized shadows in the next sentence.

something solid to hold too - to not too

labled = labeled

forever to wander in circles - forever wondering in circles

beating it’s wings beating it is wings? - or - beating its wings

boarder = border

wind swoop in font of his face - front

the swarm that casted the shadows - the swarm that cast the shadows

travel’s - travels

fury - furry

the nightmares which plagued his childhood Begin sentences with capitals

A lot of other grammar errors. I would recommend using a grammar checker (there are free ones out there)

Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, StephBee Author IconMail Icon I found "Notre Dame in Paris" Open in new Window. when searching for articles on Paris. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

You describe Steph and Todd, both US Military MPs stationed in the South of Germany going to Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. There is a clear romantic connection between the two as they do the journey, visit the cathedral, and seem to share a hotel room together. The piece takes the format of a letter to Stephs brother Shelley.

*Quill*Commentary

I recently visited Paris but Notre Dame was closed to tourists and worshippers since the Great Fire and so I enjoyed your account. Parisians smoke like chimneys and it is rumored that a discarded cigarette may have started the blaze. We passed Notre Dame by some apartment blocks. A man smoking in the balcony flicked his ash down as we passed and I could suddenly see how easily all of this could have happened.

Your descriptions had the ring of authenticity about them because your backstory made it plausible that you as an American soldier might have been there and because your descriptions matched my own memories also. I loved the little details like about the 28 kings of Israel and Judea, the rose window and the colors it brought to the inside of the cathedral, the use of gargoyles to ward off evil spirits.

There were still some things to improve mechanically but thanks for an informative and entertaining read.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You got some names wrong:

Montrartre - Montmartre

Beritz - Berlitz

A good grammar checker would reveal many of the errors with commas and apostrophes.

You put the in front of places unnecessarily occasionally e.g. the Notre Dame, the Sorbonne University

Spelling: inlayed = inlaid
vender = vendor

We took a slow walked around the church - slow walk

Thanks for sharing.

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658
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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, StephBee Author IconMail Icon I found {item:} when searching for articles on Paris. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An enthusiastic account of a trip to Paris.


*Quill*Commentary

I read this because I was in Paris last week and wanted to compare notes. You wrote this 16 years ago but the things you describe are all still there. I guess the Eiffel Tower, a walk down the Champs Elysee from the Arc de Triomphe in the direction of the Place de Concorde with its obelisk from Luxor are all standard tourist fare. But I enjoyed doing this with my family members who were visiting for the first time. You also visited the Louvre as did we. I was interested in the Mesha Stele and Hammurabi Code there but there was some great art also. It was all too much for a single day and I could have spent a month there alone. We also visited Versailles and other attractions. The city is classy and steeped in history, built in a Greco- Roman nineteenth-century European style that still has an impact and quality about it.

There were a few mechanical issues with the text left to work on. I thought you could have done more research in places. Also, you just went with the Mona Lisa in the Louvre which is a bit of a cliche as there are 35000 paintings there, and many of them are better than that. That did not ring authentically and sounded just like you living out the cliche. The reference to the French version of the statue of liberty by contrast sounded authentic and unique as most tourists would not give it a second glance.

So I thought this was above-average work with improvements still needed.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Commas are an issue and could be quickly resolved with a good grammar checker.

an “U” - a "U"

she seemed to reached out to me and touch me - she seemed to reach out to me and touch me

J’aime vous, ma chere. - for such an intimate and informal phrase the French would be Je t'aime, ma chérie. You said it too formally and when the French say chère it is used snobbishly or sarcastically so that did not work, chérie is more intimate.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hello, Panda Maniaaaa! Author IconMail Icon I found "So, this is Paris?" Open in new Window. when searching for articles on Paris. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Monica and her sisters are moving to Paris with their mother for the next three years because she has an opportunity in the fashion industry there. The father stays with his job in UC Tech and they move to live with Aunt Josie.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So you have the marital drama relating to a significant decision on Darsha's part. This conflict is resolved by Darsha moving with the kids and leaving her husband behind. The decision seems to have been accepted by Monica the passive protagonist here, it seems that she and her sisters had little real choice here. But they do like their new accommodations.

This sounds like a wealthy family as accommodation in Paris is very expensive and usually quite low on floor space. But the fashion industry is big business there with some $20billion expected revenues in 2021.

The story was spoilt by the large numbers of mechanical errors in this piece and this is the main reason for the low mark. The plot itself was interesting and could even be expanded. The description was slightly inaccurate as Monica is a passive bystander to the decision here and her input is not required for her mother's new job. So she will not be helping her mother in this new role.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The first line has a grammatical error:
Sitting in the kitchen table - Sitting at the kitchen table

Anything to drone out the sound of my parents argue. - drown out & arguing

And plus, in Paris they don't speak English - Plus in Paris, they don't speak English

adventerous - adventurous

Mom said it straight forward,"I'm moving to Paris for three years." - Mom spoke directly, "I'm moving to Paris for three years."

I drug all of our things up the twenty-seven steps and into the apartment. - drag

With furnitures. - not a sentence and furniture should be singular

And what are you names! - Question mark because it is a question.

squeled - squealed

Thanks for sharing.

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Review of The Changeling  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Basilides Author IconMail Icon I found "The Changeling" Open in new Window. when searching for articles on Schizophrenia. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Noll was mentally ill and worried that his meetings with Noelle his "sister" are evidence that he is still not cured. But Noelle tells him news that makes him wonder if there is more to this than mere insanity. Tina and the baby will thank him later even if they think he is crazy right now...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Well-written provocative story. Noelle might be a real but dead twin sister or his imaginary friend but when she tells him things that end up saving his child's life you have to wonder if she was something more than that. She never leaves so there is no oppressive price to the information that she gives otherwise I would have suspected demonic possession rather than ghosts.

Judaeo Christian thinking on the spirit world generally attributes a malevolent character to invading spirits. But this is not possession and there is no oppressive price as previously stated. But the trouble that is associated with Noelle and the treatment he had for mental health, as a result, means that she is no guardian angel either. I suppose it could have been pure luck and a little bit of projection that he imagined something wrong with the child and got something done about it right away. It could have destroyed his marriage had he been wrong. It could have been two malevolent spirits at odds with each other. The one Noelle on her way out anyway but not willing to surrender this family to the spirit that tried to strangle Tina's baby. But all of this is just speculation.

This was just a story but it got me thinking

*Quill*Mechanical issues

He turned to them and said space between them and

daughters hand- daughter's hand


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Sanity  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, tYpO/T.Boilerman Author IconMail Icon I found "Sanity" Open in new Window. when searching for articles on Schizophrenia. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Susan appears to be being berated by a cruel sister called Leticia with Terrance coming in for the rescue. But inside the Catholic asylum sanity is in short supply...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I thought this was quite cleverly done and it was not until the last sentence that I finally realized what was actually going on. You had drama and passion and you captured the hopelessness of Susan's case. Locked away for her own good after a botched suicide attempt.

Leticia sounded almost demonic and I must admit I sometimes wonder if that is a dimension of some of these cases where there appears to be no medical cure. You kind of hope that love can overcome all things but as with the death of someone like Rick Warrens's son clearly this is not always the case. So we lock these people away and we dope them up. We put them in holding patterns and just wait for them to die. Indeed locked away we can even pretend they do not really exist and that everything is fine.

This story highlights a major issue of our time without offering any real solutions to this.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

There are punctuation issues e.g. full stops instead of commas for the dialog tag.

You miss a few commas and add some unnecessary ones.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Glimpses of Dad  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, irisjustwrite has granddogger Author IconMail Icon I found "Glimpses of Dad" Open in new Window. when searching for articles on Schizophrenia. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author recounts her current experience with her father. She sees only glimpses of the man who raised her now. The monster of schizophrenia and age has stolen the rest of him.


*Quill*Commentary

It seems that this is an example of a family looking after their own and repaying something of the debt they owe to the man now sick. As such it is admirable. It seems that the father still has the echoes of life with the vegetable garden, visits from grandchildren, church, sports shows on the TV, etc. But those who knew him to mourn what they miss of the more complete man they remember. It seems he is also now getting old and no doubt his condition does not help with his self-care.

The psychiatric community suggests a painstaking regime of care that can deliver some kind of improvement, but at his age and given the level of his condition it is unlikely that they can be any help. So he relies on a combination of family support and prayer and waits to die, a hollowed-out version of the man he once was.

There is something deeply wrong with the fact that we have no cure for these kinds of things. That they remain somehow mysterious and beyond our reach. It seems absurd in fact but it is what it is. Mental illness is a growing issue in our times.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I could not find any mechanical errors


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Beyond reach  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, jasondotcom Author IconMail Icon I found "Beyond reach" Open in new Window. when searching for articles on Schizophrenia. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Little brother Shane is diagnosed with acute paranoid schizophrenia. He is suspicious of medication attempts and the mental health system and prone to delusions and conspiracy theories. He had a family that cared for him but when that became too much he was moved to supported accommodation. He is now homeless and on the road by his own choice, calling in usually only when in trouble. The author feels helpless to deal with this. One solution is to institutionalize these people but that seems a little inhumane.

*Quill*Commentary

How do you help someone who does not want to be helped and who suspects even the best intentions of those equipped to help him?

Schizophrenia can be treated using a combination of antipsychotic medications and therapeutic and social support. But it is a painstaking and slow process that requires the cooperation of those who are being treated.

For someone like Shane who completely distrusts the system, there is no cure. So the choice is really to lock him up or let him roam free. Maybe homelessness is actually the best option of the two, though he will die earlier as a result.

I felt this piece was more descriptive than therapeutic. It was a concerned brother looking on with no idea about how to help the brother he loved. You could of course pray for your brother, it seems that only God can help him now.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

My Grammar checker lights up like a Christmas tree over commas in this.

Also spelling mistakes: wherabouts = whereabouts


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Shubh Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Make-believe Friend" Open in new Window. via the please review list. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A sad lonely kid, with "friends" that laughed at his misfortunes, is saved by a female make-believe friend. She never asked for anything but restored his peace and happiness. She is remembered now.

*Quill*Commentary

If solace was found in a friend that you wrote about and penned in your imagination in the worst of schooling worlds then that is a positive.

That she faded away when no longer needed is also a sign of healing following those events.

That your friend was a good person with a positive influence is also great.

It seems this poem is full of contradictions and some confusion about that relationship with this imaginary friend. This undermines somewhat the clarity and power of the poem and makes it harder for a reader to access your meaning.

Also, there is a considerable abuse of the English language here in terms of tenses and grammar.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I found the phrasing difficult to follow and confusing at times.

For example:

Friends made of stone can laugh.

She was who neither let me happy nor let me sad. elsewhere you suggest she was a source of happiness indeed you conclude:

Who always made me happy,
Never let me sad. *StarStruck*

My creation or God’s all, - that she is a make-believe friend is clear from the title but a creation of God would have more substance than this.

Never led me downwards the hill. - Never led me down the hill.

Penning down the emotions I wish she had - Penning the emotions I wish she had

Superior than me as her friend told Do not understand this line. Does this mean your imaginary friend had another friend as you suggest later or is it a reference to yourself?

Yes, "I do have other friends", she communicated me.
They made her fly in the air, so carefree.
She spoke to them not to me, my bad
I was her best but weakest friend she had - so are all these others also imaginary people? You said she never spoke to you but here she is communicating with you. Surely it is communicated to me.


Never let me sad. *StarStruck* - is that never left me sad or never let me be sad? You seem to use the word "let" incorrectly throughout the poem.

By my rating scheme, 2.5 stars is an average rating and so I hope that you are too discouraged by it. See below for details.

Thanks for sharing.

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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, S D Ballentyne Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "I Voted Trump (and I liked it)." Open in new Window. via the please review list. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A comic rewrite of Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl." This is a satirical critique of Trump that dams him with sarcastic praise.

*Quill*Commentary

From your portfolio, it seems you are both fascinated and repelled by Donald Trump as he is all you write about. I wondered if this was a sign that he had more successfully connected with you than you might be comfortable with. Still, if he gets you writing then maybe he is not all bad.

The critique of Trump implicit in your satire is the following:
1) He mismanaged the Covid Pandemic.
2) His immigration policy discriminated against Iranians and Mexicans.
3) He stands for white people over Hispanics and blacks.
4) His own moral example is poor.
5) He is not a successful businessman.
6) Fox News supported him.
7) He cut taxes for the rich but failed to support medicare for poor people.
8) His love of Big Oil is destroying the environment.
9) Only a crazy person would vote for him.

That is a lot of negativity for a song to bear and indeed does crush some of the comedy out of it.

I agreed with 1), 2), 4), 8) to get those out of the way first off.

Trump is a narcissist and you need to understand his policies through that filter. He does what works for him.

3) Trump is not a racist, he just plays to the connections that work for him. So Saudis are his allies for instance even though most of the 911 terrorists came from there not Iran. Saudia Arabia and Israel hate Iranians and Trump picked a side in that dispute. Trump's vote among Black males increased in the last election due to his support of prison justice reforms that penalized black males.

5) The guy is worth $2.5 Bn according to the most recent Forbes Rich List estimate. He has lost out recently to Big Tech because Real Estate has suffered from the Pandemic but his fundamentals are still in place. He is not a failure as a businessman.

6) Fox News supports a right of center agenda in US Politics but its relationship with Trump is more frayed. Murdoch despises the guy.

7) Medicare, as it stood under Obama, would have bankrupt the country. There has to be some kind of reform to implement comprehensive care in a cost-effective way and neither party have a workable policy to achieve that. Tax cuts on the rich paid for by increased debt make no sense whatsoever. But as the recent Biden spending plans illustrate getting Congress to approve higher taxes and spending is not an easy job and the default tendency of the American system is towards bankruptcy as the debut spirals out of control.

8) Who you vote for is a matter of priorities. Many Christians have voted for a man who they consider personally unfit for office because he stands up for them against a Woke culture and against abortion for instance. This support should be qualified by a more outspoken critique of his faults but in a partisan culture that might just hand victory to the other side.

I felt the comedic value of the song was undermined a little by these issues and also by the below.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You used British English spellings while suggesting you voted for Trump. Are you even American?

You used "bats***" twice and there was a lot of repetition of the word "it" outside of the trademark phrase "I liked it."


Thanks for sharing.

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Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, Jeff Author IconMail Icon. As a "victim" of your rating philosophy "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" Open in new Window., I thought I would review it to better understand it and apply it to future works. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Commentary

I received the lowest mark in the last WDC competition and yet what I would consider the best review from you of the bunch you gave. By best I mean most helpful. Since I also reviewed all the other contestants I was able to compare what you wrote in your reviews against my own assessments to get a feel for the differences. My low mark and a feeling that I might be a party to rating inflation on the site made me want to understand your thoughts better by reading your rating philosophy.

You feel that high ratings are given too easily on WDC. Your reasoning seemed compelling on that. 5 Stars should be something that is truly exceptional and 4 stars are for very good work. I have given too many high ratings in my short time as a reviewer here and feel that should change. Reading your philosophy should help me do that as you are one of the most credible reviewers on the site. I plan on spending some time now building my own rating philosophy and criteria to improve my reviewing performance and rating integrity. But the key question here is what is exceptional and what is merely average?

Beyond mere personal preferences, the value of writing could be determined by what will sell for instance to publishers and the general public. What themes and stories will make the most impact. So for example "Squid Games" is the top-rated Netflix production right now with a story of ordinary adults in difficult circumstances competing in children's games where the rules are brutally enforced and all but one of the 456 contestants end up dead. The survivor wins an enormous cash prize to the anonymous applause of a very rich clientele who have paid to watch. That is a winner of a story because it sells and because of the number of people who watch it. The story exposes a rich-poor divide and articulates the struggles of many ordinary people but it offers no solutions to these and is merely descriptive. Indeed the premise of the game is that there is no good to be found in the world and only the game offers losers a way to redeem themselves. By your scheme, I suspect it would receive 5 stars but I would give it only 4 stars. Both of us would agree on its technical quality while disagreeing on its moral worth and inspirational value.

Comparing the grades you gave and I gave to the contestants in the last contest I found that we mainly agreed on the quality. Generally, you marked lower than me by half a star which fits your concern for rating inflation. Though there were some stories I clearly liked more than you which is probably down to personal preference as there was little in the stated reasoning that disagreed. You missed some major ommissions in Outcast due to the author rushing the ending and you did not ever really engage with the actual content of big ideas in stories such as in Lifes Edge which you liked but did not really comment on in any meaningful way. I thought you were harsh on Cecile & New Beginnings but only marginally so.

Your rating system is focused exclusively on technical writing style and execution and on the content only in terms of its quality, not in terms of its actual moral/inspirational value. So I rated Vanishing Stars 3,5 stars for instance because I found its premise blasphemous, its philosophy solipsist nonsense, and I found about half a star worth of mechanical errors. You gave it your highest rating of 4.5 stars.

Your rating philosophy is a well-constructed overview of how you mark people and a useful guide. It made me think that I should seriously reconsider how I assess people's stories and rate them and made me realize that I still had a long way to go in terms of technical proficiency as a writer. It also made me suspect the assessment criteria of some of the highest experts in the publishing industry in the ways in which they assess value. Their devotion to Mammon over God may be a long-term disservice to the writer's craft. In essence what works may not work in reality.

Thanks for sharing.

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Review of New Ways  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, RiteLady Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "New Ways" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The climate is changing. The author's experience suggests that it is windier and that certain kinds of plants that grow higher above the ground are suffering as a result e.g. Tomatoes, while ones that grow below the ground are not e.g. Potatoes. The wind dries the topsoil and more watering is thus required. We need the wisdom to learn new ways.

*Quill*Commentary

Everybody's experience of climate change is different it seems. Some complaints are about desertification, some about hurricanes, some about extreme weather events like the recent floods in Germany. A drying wind that changes the kinds of plants that can thrive and the kinds that cannot is an interesting one that I have not heard before.

I liked this poem, it had an authentic quality about it and you described things well.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None I noticed.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello, PureSciFi Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I saw "All Alone in the Universe" Open in new Window. on the list of Sci-Fi Contest entries for August. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The survival of Vollínia depends on the move to Vollinia Two. So 200000 young ones are put in Frozen in Time capsules for the journey. But space rocks hit the ship causing them to wake up without sufficient food or water for the journey. They attempt to go to another planet instead but are attacked so they decide to take the planet by force.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Why did they wake up the other 150000 passengers if they did not have food and water to feed them. Surely it would have been better to leave these in their tubes until solutions were found.

The availability of an alternative planet so close by was a little too convenient.

The text is very visually descriptive but uses none of the other senses but lacks any inner drama or soul. It sounds like children talking excitedly about things they do not really understand. There is no attempt to negotiate once they are fired upon. They could have destroyed the enemy's attack and then opened communications.

How can 200000 people, who have just been fired on, at the first planet they visited be alone in the universe?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Grammatically fine but a little child-like and robotic in style.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Holograms  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Kotaro Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* We both entered the WDC Short Shots Contest "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. I have the following comments to offer about "Holograms" Open in new Window..

*Quill*Reader Experience

A frozen wasteland near New York hides a library of old books from another age. The visitor is a trader looking for that knowledge, He trades comics and adventure novels for dry factual books that might help the human race. Then he reads the Gettyburgs address by Lincoln and decides that it is too dangerous and subversive of whatever order now prevails to be allowed to exist. He burns it but the owner of the book store has another copy.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You seemed to ignore the prompt for this competition.

The back story reminded me of that film Day after Tomorrow with the people holed up in a library in New York after the beginning of a new ice age burning law books to keep warm. But in this scenario, the ice seems centuries old, and yet with fabulous new technologies old knowledge is still preserved there. The owner is happy to trade engineering and mathematics for adventure stories and comics suggesting that outside this hi-tech library in icy stillness technology is not so developed and that much knowledge has been lost. The reason for the ice age is not explained nor what catastrophe may have befallen mankind out there. But it seems that not only knowledge but also liberty has been a casualty of the icy centuries.

Why would the old man laugh when the trader burnt the Gettysburg address. Surely it was evidence of the continued oppression of mankind out there and therefore a reason to mourn not laugh.

If this was an oppressive state of which the trader was a representative and they knew of the books why did they simply not take them by force?

The use of holograms as a way of interacting without risk was a creative security feature. I was not sure of what the starry entrance hall signified nor how that would have worked in practice.

Clearly, neither the trader nor the book owner has any concept of digitalization and Kindles.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Cecilie  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Kåre เลียม Enga Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* We both entered the WDC Short Shots Contest "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. I have the following comments to offer about "Cecilie" Open in new Window..

*Quill*Reader Experience

A pink-haired exile on a horse rides through the night. She expects people with their snores and steaming liquids to be frightened of her. But the people in this tent are not. She seems to be able to scare off death and has lived a very long time but who is she? She gazes at the stars and hears their music, who is she...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I found this story fabulously colorful and descriptive but was a little confused by it. My reading is that she is a star fallen to the earth, with pink hair and riding a horse. She spends her time listening to the songs and music of her lost companions from whom she is exiled and she pretends to be Big Foot in the mountains. But why would a star have pink hair? Why was she exiled? Is she even a star at all or instead is she some kind of being from out there? She can hear people's dreams and seems therefore to operate on a different plane to people. Able to rebuke even death. But are these people, these newcomers in their strange tent, these people who are not scared of her, here to rescue her? How would they know what to do and how could they accomplish this?

The themes here revolve around her identity, her exile, and these people who have sought her out unafraid and comprehending of who she is. The strangeness and the terror she evokes in others are not there in these people. So maybe she is no beast but rather a pink princess from a strange realm? Maybe she is not a threat but rather just another being in the vastness of space whose life is to be respected and cherished?

There was brilliance in many of your descriptive lines

She sat down to be drawn into its dream.

Her tinkling song was a lullaby to those who shut up long enough to look up and see the crescendo of color, the melody in the movement of ions.

But the story itself was too strange to be meaningful. It made more effort to be on the edge of understanding that to shine any actual light into people's lives.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Grammarly lights up and I tell it to shut up. A master is at work.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Outcast  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Beholden Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* We both entered the WDC Short Shots Contest "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. I have the following comments to offer about "Outcast" Open in new Window..

*Quill*Reader Experience

Set on planet Gallifrage in the Omega 3 Galaxy this is a story of the survivors of the Starship DogStar who crashed there. Having viewed a nebula/sunset need the Zerndriki range of mountains they settled down for the night in their tent. Fortunately, this was made of super fabric as something was outside during the night. Anyway having developed a countermeasure they ran outside to confront the beast. Will they ever make it to Andressons Port over the cold inhospitable mountains...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I love the way you got around the impossible dilemma of the picture showing stars and a sunset at the same time. You simply transferred the sunset to another planet and threw in a nebula to boot.

So I guess Bergen and the author are the good guys here and the monster is the antagonist in this plot. But they appear completely outmaneuvered by it as it steals their tent forcing them to attempt the mountains at night. So maybe the real struggle is against the cold and the mountains. You seem to run out of energy for the story though just as they approached the mountains telling us they managed the heroic feat but without actually taking us along for the fight.

The characters and even their equipment seemed realistic in a futuristic kind of way. The scenario of the crash and attempt to reach a far-flung settlement also seemed plausible and entertaining.

Monsters always wake me up, so not a boring story. I did miss the rock climbing though. You could have thrown in a few blood-curdling roars from their invisible friend while they were hanging from their fingertips on some rock face just to keep them moving.

The goal of the story was clear. They wanted to get back to human habitation. Having a wild beast chase them from their wreckage contributed to the sense of being marooned in the wild.

So they will still be saying "No s*** Sherlock" in the distant future and showing reruns of his detective work in a spacesuit on different planets- good to know.

You called the story Outcast which presumably was a reference to the invisible beast rather than the shipwrecked crew as they made it to safety and were not stigmatized in any way. Indeed you said they ended as heroes. So effectively the story was all about a beast we never saw and whose mysterious origins we can only speculate about. I guess this means the story could be developed to answer the whole range of questions provoked by the situation.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

None I noticed.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of The Birth Of ...  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, THANKFUL SONALI Magical Days! Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* We both entered the WDC Short Shots Contest "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. I have the following comments to offer about "The Birth Of ..." Open in new Window..

*Quill*Reader Experience

Set in the middle of a global pandemic with humans having retreated into their homes strange things are happening in the mountains. It is as though the earth itself gives birth to a strange white orb that guides Natasha to new enlightenment about the future. In conference with the animals, standing there in her pajamas the way forward becomes suddenly very clear.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is a pantheistic fantasy as the Earth is not a thinking being or able to give birth to orbs of enlightenment like this. This orb chooses a young girl as the instrument of our salvation even mirroring her colors in its responsiveness to her. One wonders what Greta Thunberg is not telling us about why she is a green activist. However the theme here is quite topical for me since my country has just voted quite strongly for a green way forward in its recent election. The protagonist here is I suppose the earth itself and those who subscribe to good stewardship of it. The enemy is the greedy and the Mammon worshippers who would spoil the planet with their lack of concern and poor stewardship.

The worry about greens is that they will bankrupt economies necessary to provide the taxes to pay for welfare, pensions, health, and education. The earth itself has no solutions and human beings need to step up to the challenge of pollution and climate change themselves. So the recent vote in the German election and consensus of the other parties makes it clear that a green way forward is being plotted in Europe. It is human beings that will make this happen and in some cases, it is human beings that are also in the way of this happening. But is a girl in pajamas shouting at the old men that are destroying her future the right person to get this done? There are other levers from more worldly people that can achieve the same result e.g. a desire to be free of dependence on Arab Oil and Russian gas by building windmills.

The story itself was well written and poetic in places.


*Quill*Mechanical issues


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Fall  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Beckab50 Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Fall" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Fall is everywhere, everywhere we look. It is beautiful

*Quill*Commentary

It is not Fall in the Southern Hemisphere. We call it Autumn in Britain and Herbst in 'Schland. In certain parts of the city, I see only concrete and Fall sounds like a mythological construction of some sort. Some of the soggy wet days and moldy leaves Of Autumn are not that pretty. So it is not everywhere, cannot be seen everywhere, and is not always pretty. Just saying!


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The convention is three dots not four dots as used on line 2.

Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Chris24 Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* We both entered the WDC Short Shots Contest "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. I have the following comments to offer about "The Vanishing Stars" Open in new Window. .

*Quill*Reader Experience

A father is sharing time with his daughter beneath the stars pointing them out. But they start to disappear. Then a being falls from the heavens like a shooting star. Thomas and Abigail retreat to their tent hoping to hide from it but it finds them and is shot for its trouble. Then Thomas and Hatu speak later joined by Abigail. Abigail has been given a strange and wonderful power but the terrible creatures of nothingness are storming towards her. Will she be able to rebuke them before it is too late...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The story is well-written and captivating. The storyline sounded a little like a humanized version of the creation account with Thomas staring as God Almighty and Abigail as wisdom the first of God's works. Wisdom in the biblical account is the architect of creation, preceding it, and is not therefore dependent upon it.

The Lord brought me forth as the first of his works before his deeds of old; Prov 8:22 Before all things but God existed was wisdom.

The big idea here is that the spirit of creation passes through a specially selected member of the natural order. That Hatu represents a race of beings that are the priests of that process. The enemy is the terrible beasts of the dark that threaten to consume all light and life.

It appears to be a terrible risk and indeed reduction of the possible universe that we are all the solipsist products of a child's imagination and memory with only her father to guide her at the crucial moment.

Hatu implied he was the last of his kind but at the end was asking them to come with him to meet The Guides of Sebraxis for training.

I have liked some fantasy though I admit this is not my genre. However, this story borders on blasphemy usurping the role of God and wisdom with that of a mere man and child. I find it theologically blasphemous, scientifically impossible (so improperly categorized), and reductionist and solipsist in its philosophical outlook.

There were also some mechanical errors. The judges for this contest clearly disagree with my appraisal of this piece and awarded you first place. But having read some of their reviews it is clear they do not prioritize content to the extent that I do.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

a pearlescent shimmer shifting from read to blue - a pearlescent shimmer shifting from red to blue

“No.” she said - “No,” she said

blacken - blackened


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of The crypt  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Sumojo Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I saw "The crypt " Open in new Window. on the list of Chapter One Contest entries. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Dorothy entered the empty cemetery to take some pictures for an art project. She leaves her car and captures the last sunset moments of the graveyard. Satisfied she turns to leave and that is where the story really starts...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You had gates but not the door specified for the competition. You located the story in a cemetery after the funeral guests had left it. The descriptions of the graves and shadows and last moments of the sunshine all worked well as did the feeling of a chill just before the horrors of the night. I liked the fact that Dorthy had a messy car. That just seemed to fit my experience of most arty-farty creative types.

I wondered at how this could be expanded beyond the Chapter One parameters into a full-length novel. If Dorothy is the star then I guess she has to get away and having been bitten will turn into a vampire. Subsequent chapters would then explore her experience of sunlight, bloodthirst maybe new giftings, etc. There was a bit of a sense of deja view with this piece and I wondered if this story had already been told before in a variety of ways. If you kill Dorothy off of course then you need a new star not yet introduced here.

This was well written, but the plot was a little predictable and it did not fit the competition parameters at all. It read like something you wanted to write anyway plonked into whatever competition was open at the time.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None really


Thanks for sharing.

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