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2,435 Public Reviews Given
2,435 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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576
576
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Fyn Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Day the Flowers Died" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Peace, love, and flower power are not as groovy as advertised when the author and Lauren went to visit the Village in New York. They were robbed, saw people out of their minds on drugs, Lauren was assaulted and almost raped and the people they saw were a mix of the best and worst of humanity.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I was barely out of nappies in 1968 so the accounts of the Summer of Love and the Hippies of the Vietnam era are a matter of history to me. Today I walk down some streets and I see the consequence of the decisions these guys made and kept making in broken families, drug addiction, gangs, and petty theft to pay for habits. Maybe an experience like this so early on was a better and more valuable life lesson than growing up with this all around you to the point where it no longer shocked or disturbed in the way that it should have.

The idea of giving and loving and being at peace did not sound so bad and I can understand why so many people were attracted to it. There was also perhaps the need to move outside of an oppressive traditional culture that did not value the openness, risk, and creativity that freedom allows. But in the darkness when the sun goes down you cannot trust everybody that lurks in those shadows with no locked doors to mark your boundaries.

You wrote in a way that effectively shared your experience and it was engaging and interesting and thought-provoking. Thanks.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

the cookies were the made with the "elixir of life.


Thanks for sharing.

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577
577
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Jeff Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Secondhand Adventurer" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A farmer's son, Silas, dreams of adventure. When the reward notice is posted about killing a dragon for 10000 gold pieces he jumps at the offer. But lacking the finances to buy proper armor he settles for some second-hand kit. Now it is time to confront the dragon...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So it is a young man against a dragon. This was the most common dream of my childhood, though sometimes the dragon was an alien monster or a troop of black-clad Ninjas. But I always ended up killing them all and getting the girl. I think most guys of my generation had this dream, maybe it was a cold war thing. My kids do not have monster dreams.

Did the fact his kit was second-hand really matter that much? All the guys in brand new stuff also got fried.

They all just queued and then committed the same mistakes as the guy in front of them. It sounded more like a cull of the stupid than a proper strategy for killing a dragon.

The farmer's son had imagination about bettering himself and vain dreams about the glory and riches that would come from that. But gave no thought about how that could effectively be achieved. There was no wisdom in its actions. He just copied everybody else on the practical stuff and came to the same end as the rest of them.

This was well written and engaging, and as I said it struck a chord, but there were some mechanical errors.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

at the helm of galleon - a galleon

until he was close enough to read the price tags one some of the items. - until he was close enough to read the price tags on some of the items.

Had the man succeeding in slaying the dragon? - succeeded


Thanks for sharing.

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578
578
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, THANKFUL SONALI Magical Days! Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Banished by My Own Wife!" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A man is thrown out of the house to learn the difference between a good vegetable and a bad vegetable. He wrestles with this for three days before being taught the difference between a good human and a bad human by a woman dressed in nothing but fig leaves.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So we have a bossy wife with a temper, a man who is thrown out of the house he helped pay for by his wife. The man sits in a vegetable patch three days doing penance. Then we have a woman dressed in three leaves covering you know what.

How exactly does bonking a woman who is not your wife in the vegetable patch teach a man the difference between a good and bad human being?
I guess since this was comedy and nonsense you can plead the Fifth on that one.

This was all highly amusing. I was trying to work out if this was a feminist fantasy all about power and treating the man as a doormat. But then it turned into a male fantasy with a beautiful naked woman seducing the man in the vegetable patch or did he eat the wrong vegetable and hallucinate that last part?

So the moral of the story is to get your vegetables right and that sex with strangers will show you the difference between good and bad humans. Ummm...


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Wouldn't you just know it. - it is a question so needs a questionmark


Thanks for sharing.

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579
579
Review of Generations  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, w0lfbane Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Generations " Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author remembers his grandfather and marvels at the way he and his son share so much in common.

*Quill*Commentary

A charming poem celebrating the life of a grandfather and the continuity between the generations. The poem itself was great and I loved it but there were a few mechanical issues with it.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

grandfathers face - grandfather's face

And when were together we always had fun. - And when we're together we always had fun.

From pain you brought me to bliss. - From pain, you brought me to bliss.

To guide me, so my vessel would not lyst. - To guide me, so my vessel would not list.

my hero whom never caused me any frustrations.
- my hero who never caused me any frustrations.

Now my grandfather has gone to a better place,
And his life is all but done. - These lines suggest he has died but that he is also still alive.

Thanks for sharing.

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580
580
Review of Reverie  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, aqsii Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Reverie" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

That moment when he left her. The cold harshness of the moment still echoes in her dreams. A poem expresses her feelings on this.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Well, there are two characters here, the author and the beloved. The plot is all to do with the pain of the separation and of how it made her feel. The emotions seem fresh here and come from deep within her heart and soul. Maybe this man is no longer worthy of her devotion and maybe the continued rehearsal of this moment is an open wound that now needs healing and new hope.

The low mark is not for the content which was powerful but rather for the poor mechanics which is 60% of my grading.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The phraseology here is a little awkward. The below are only some of the examples in this text. You need to be consistent about tenses and are missing keywords in sentences. Maybe English is not your first language?

I wrote this short stories during a semester break, and very close to my heart. - I wrote this short story during a semester break, it's very close to my heart.

usual love is not there in his eyes - the usual love was not there in his eyes

Something was holding my tears because I can see the coldness of night in his eyes - Something was holding back my tears because I could see the coldness of night in his eyes

While walking on the bridge by holding his hand I no longer felt the comfort of his hand. - While walking on the bridge and holding his hand I felt the comfort of his hand leave mine.

visible sighs. a sign can be visible and a sigh can be audible.

Tears was flowing - Tears were flowing

and my body seems trembling - and my body was trembling

so i can make him stop - I

When you need them most. - When you needed them most.

Thanks for sharing.

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581
581
Review of " Learn'  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Netty Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "" Learn'" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Can we learn from the sounds of peace and the world? Can we learn from the Lord's judgments? Can we find wisdom and learn?

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You list three sources of wisdom here, the sounds of peace, the sounds of the world, and then a Judgment that comes from God on high. But they seem to be in conflict with one another.

The bible speaks of wisdom beginning in the fear and reverence of God and a divine judgment could indeed evoke the beginning of wisdom in people. Doing as God would want in each situation is the more mature expression of practical wisdom. The fool in the bible is the one who lives without reference to the divine.

Sometimes peace makes people a little too comfortable and closed-minded. It is hard to see a direct connection between peace and wisdom.

You refer to God's judgment and also ask your reader to listen to the world. But very often these are in direct contradiction to one another.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

" Learn" - Lose the space

Will you listen to the sounds of peace ?." - Will you listen to the sounds of peace?"

Will we listen to the sound of the world ?." - Will we listen to the sound of the world?"

The Lord hands and judgement has come to earth America. - The Lord hands out what? Or is this a reference to the Lord handing out judgment. If either or none of the above the sentence needs clarification.

it's - its in this context

Judgment is capitalized and personalized here but previously it was an act of the Almighty.


Thanks for sharing.

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582
582
Review of Geothermal  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, BlackAdder Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I saw "Geothermal" Open in new Window. as the Sci-Fi prompt for this month's contest after I had written my entry on "Ice." I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The planet Hoth (Delta-Sigma H-TH0) has very long Winters. The inhabitants live below ground at that time because it is too cold on the surface. Rebels inhabit the caves beneath them and further beneath them lurk 1.5-meter tall spiders with incredibly sharp and strong pincers. The colony is heated by a geothermal heating system from deep beneath the planet's surface. But someone seems to have turned the heating off. Sellis is tasked with finding who did it. First, he goes to the rebels and then with them into the deeper caves. What he finds there will forever change his perception of the planet Hoth...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Oh dear, I guess I have failed in this contest then as the only similarity between your story and mine is the word ice which was your original prompt.

I loved the big idea behind this and the concept of the terraforming unit. The plot progressed nicely from the icy surface to the room where you could see your breath, through the rebels and spiders to find the truth buried deep below.

Also, I thought there was an intriguing back story to this with the war between Earth and X'nth having left Hoth pretty much on its own to manage its own affairs.

The necklace that just so happened to be the key to survival was a little too conveniently on the right guy at the right time in the right place. That does not sound like the kind of thing that would just be left lying around so maybe it needed an explanation.

I found the cultural difference between the socialistic rule of Helia with a basic income and more rules compared to the freer but harder life of the rebels below interesting.

The account of fighting the spiders felt like the author had actually been down that tunnel and fought that battle. I was ducking and diving and watching my corners after that. It is a good job that Dovan can grow his leg back.

This was well written and engaging but there were an unusual number of mechanical errors for a piece by you. Normally I do not find any.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Xenoarcheololgy - Xenoarchaeology

Selis eyes - Selis's eyes

and he tried to figure why he was here. - and he tried to figure out why he was here.

But after ten years of hardscrabble survival, the blizzard above was normal for this time of year, expected. - But after ten years of hardscrabble survival, the blizzard above was normal for this time of year, and to be expected.

"Then found out what they know, and whether we are at war." - find out what they know

Selis nodded toward the two Syn and Evers, the two blue-clad armed guards that marked the end of Unity territory

Xeonathropological - Xenoanthropological

Dovan becomes Devon later in the text

"s***, s***, s***," - the last s*** is not capitalized the first two are.

Thanks for sharing.

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583
583
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, jaya Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Bring on the New Year!" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A New Years Resolution type poem that feels a change in the air. Things are about to get a lot better. So let's leave sadness, fear, worry, doubt, and devil's mirth behind us and look forward to a fairer time, with new green leaves, new dignity, new abilities to love and to learn, and to bring peace and harmony to the planet.

*Quill*Commentary

I liked the positive tone of this poem and its aspiration for a better world.

This verse did not make much sense to me:

The bells in the distance ring out
charred past, dispel worry, doubt.
The maple and the tall willow flout
new green leaves high and stout.

Why do bells ring from a charred (ie burnt past) as a positive sign of dispelled worry and doubt?

Why do these trees openly disregard (flout) the emergence of new green leaves?

It was unclear how this verse fitted the more positive tone of the overall poem and it seemed to contradict itself within its own sentences.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You are a little random about capitalization, also this line is missing apostrophes and spaces after commas.

its time to bring on the New Year.
What’s past is past,sadness,fear.

It's time to bring on the New Year.
What’s past is past, sadness, fear.


Thanks for sharing.

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584
584
Review of Ben’s adventure  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Sumojo Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Ben’s adventure" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Ben is fed up with doing a poorly paid apprenticeship and being a dogsbody for low pay. He joins a fishing company in the tropical North of Australia. His father John is afraid he may get eaten by crocodiles in such a dangerous place...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I can empathize with both Ben and John as I have been both at different life phases though my son has yet to go off into true crocodile country. It is more like going to concerts with a bunch of yobs and saying he can still make school the following day, though he plans to return at 5 am in the morning of the said school day. Actually, I did not let his report card turn into "crocodile s***" on that one, but it gave me a clue as to what you might be talking about.

I love the direct way Australians talk. They are like Germans, very honest and direct, but I know they can sound foul-mouthed and rude to the more flowery British and Americans who are more worried about causing offense.

This line was a classic example:

I didn’t raise you to have you end up as crocodile s***!”

And there you have the arch predator lurking in the mud waiting for his moment. I knew I was right about that concert.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None found.


Thanks for sharing.

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585
585
Review of price  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello, aqsii Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "price" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

There is a dark and terrible price for all the best things in life.

*Quill*Commentary

Life is not a thing that is obtained or gotten. It is not the place you live in nor the things we have. But your description and your poem seem to imply that it is.

At the end of your poem, things more essential to life make an appearance. You speak of love obtained by sacrifice, beauty as being a relative gift that is made real by the jealousy of those that do not have it, and the hope of heaven as being purchased by a terrible life.

You make love, beauty, and heaven sound like products to be purchased when in fact these things are not that at all.

Love is a gift and it is a choice that is made evident by sacrifice. But you could sacrifice the world and not obtain love.

Beauty exists in every life and needs no comparison with others to be recognized. It does not need to be affirmed by the jealousy of those that do not have it to be real.

Heaven is a place and you do not get there by living a terrible life. The gift of salvation is free and the result of an act of grace and mercy and a repentant heart that is ready to receive.

It is possible that a person in a big house trampled on others to get where he is, that a rich man with many possessions stole them from others or obtained them illegitimately. But what has that to do with life? He has built a cage for a guilty soul, not a home to be lived in.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

This reads like English is not your first language.

For example the description here:

This is my poem that i have written. it is about the price we paid to the life we get.

- I wrote this poem, about the price we paid, for the life we have.

You are quite random in your use of capital letters starting some sentences in lower case for example:

i known the rule of living


Thanks for sharing.

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586
586
Review of People  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Bagel Delivery Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "People" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Humans cannot live without social interaction. the author commentates on an example of a man trying to forcibly expand his friendship list without much success.

*Quill*Commentary

It sounds like you are still in school as you attend a class. There is a pupil there who is desperate to form new friendships which is an impulse you understand. But he is doing it all wrong. He does not listen to people and he is forcing himself where he is not wanted and he lacks the gentleness and patience to build something lasting.

I know people who are total hermits and who really do not like interacting with others. Some have religious sources of strength and perspective to draw on, others are just selfish egotists. The Instagram generation seems to live for the affirmation of being liked by the longest possible list of friends. Some of this can seem shallow.

I find that friendships for me generally form around mutual activities. I have a passion for something which is shared by others. I go to church, I work, I write, I do sport, and friendships are formed around these activities. But when I move job or country the groups change. School friendships mainly last for many people as do the enmities developed there.

You said your observations were anonymous but then you signed them with your name: Fotis Nikolaidis.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This reads like English is not your first language. Your tenses and phraseology are quite mixed up.

Take the first paragraph as an example:

My personal experience with this phenomenon is revolved around my class. - My personal experience with this phenomenon revolves around my class.

The reason being is that he is not learning from his failures, which that would mean I am experiencing the same thing every time he tries to interact with a classmate – which is not very interesting in paper – but never fails to put a smile on my face.

This sentence needs breaking up into smaller sentences.

You cannot have which and that together.

interesting on paper not in paper

Right now it makes little sense. Breaking it up might make it more accessible.


Thanks for sharing.

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587
587
Review of Forgotten  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, lexos02 Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Forgotten" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

One person was in love and the other was not. They have not moved on while the other has. We are talking broken hearts and a sea of pain.

*Quill*Commentary

We have all been there, loving someone who did not love us back. Though must admit it has been a while in my case. You remember pain like this and try and learn what you need from the experience. At the end of the day, it is what it is and wallowing in it should only last so long. Life is not lived celebrating pain and broken hearts but in finding healing and hope in new loves.

In your poem this sense of reality does seem to break-in in the last stanza.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You kept the rhyming structure: AB, CD

You went for no punctuation at all but you would need some commas and question marks technically speaking to make this work.

For example: question marks in the first stanza with 'How' questions.

But still you broke my heart - But still, you broke my heart



Also its = it's in context


Thanks for sharing.

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588
588
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, jackiesmuse Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Stranger WC:300" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A stranger who speaks English but has no understanding of the context he is visiting is mocked. he is genuinely puzzled by the discourse and actions that follow.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This reminds me of a whole crowd of Germans together as a party chatting in German. I speak German but did not grow up here in Germany. So I understood the words without necessarily grasping the meaning a lot of the time.

Here the stranger seems to be from out of space and speaks perfect English to a typical American football audience. His polite questions and retorts may well have sounded offensive to such people. He is called Buttercup because he does not share the macho vibe of men together watching football. He has not learned colloquialisms like "What is your beef?" He responds to each question employing a literalistic hermeneutic. His reward is to be knocked to the ground with a punch.

This would be quite amusing except I have actually had this happen to me. Walking home from the pub a man forced a conversation on me in English and then when I did not understand his tortured phrases or said the wrong thing he decided to hit me. But I did not curl up into the fetal position, I pushed him to the ground and walked on.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

None found.


Thanks for sharing.

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589
589
Review of A fish story  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, Arakun the twisted raccoon Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "A fish story" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Bill and Dan are told to take six-year-old sister Cindy fishing. But the last time she proved a little squeamish about attaching the worm bait to her hook. They are not sure it is going to work out. But then she gets the biggest catch of the day. But what was her secret?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The character tension here is between boys and girls. The boys think they know better and the girl proves them wrong.

I must admit I did not know fishing like that actually worked. I looked it up and found all sorts of interesting fish and even 4-foot long sand sharks had been caught with that bait.

The boys are old enough to drive so a bit of an age gap with their baby sister. The little girl is not taken seriously until she beats the boys at their own game.

Cute story and I learned something here about bait, thanks.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None found


Thanks for sharing.

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590
590
Review of The Agreement  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Beholden Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Agreement" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

In the babble of voices that is democracy Len has been elected as the Spokesperson and has to tell Timon that he is to be terminated. Timon accepts the verdict and decides to step down...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So in a weird kind of way, I guess Timon and Len are both protagonists and antagonists in this story. The election of Len to replace Timon, however, is not properly thought through however as in context Timon should really have been dictator for life. In fact, the survival of the mob literally was dependent on that...

I do not usually like horror as a genre as the whole fear factor never seems that plausible in most cases and the extremity mainly seems irrational and unnecessary. But this one made me laugh and actually highlights something of the mental health crisis that has accompanied this pandemic so I kind of liked it.

I wonder how many bipolars have unseated their essential philosopher-kings in the last two years.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing I noticed.


Thanks for sharing.

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591
591
Review of What did I do  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Matt Dauntay Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "What did I do" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A guy mourns his mother with whom he hung out much like a young man hangs out with his girlfriend. But she is dead now in a puddle of blood in front of him. His mum has gone and maybe he will follow soon.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Think a psychologist would have a field day with this one. Oedipal tendencies combined with the murder of the mother and suicidal thoughts to boot. Also, mother earth is dying and you are tapping your foot wondering why it is taking so long. This is in fact a psychologist's wet dream.

What guy spends all night talking to his mother or father for that matter? That is the sort of thing you do with a new romance in your life.

Why did you kill your mother?

Why does the death of your mother mean no more you also?

A loaded piece that is very thought-provoking and seems to imply you need therapy now. I mean right now before you get round to killing your dad!


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Was distracted by the content but did not notice any.


Thanks for sharing.

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592
592
Review of Love's Immorality  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Stik to My Own Beat Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Love's Immorality" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A woman muses that men have no morals and that the dead are unable to commentate on which love is moral and which not.


*Quill*Commentary

Of course, this might have meant something entirely different to the author but the implication of the words to me is the above. So men's sordid impulses are what they call love but there is not even a hint of morality in that?! The dead cannot commentate.

If my interpretation of what you wrote is correct then I do find it somewhat controversial. My church wedding was about more than just getting laid and 21 years later I take my lifetime commitment very seriously and actually believe that given the resurrection of the dead I may well know my wife in the afterlife where we will be able to commentate on the morality of love.

So from my perspective, the poem was nonsense but maybe it applies to millennials who have no morals and do not believe in the afterlife *Wink*


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This is in a section called double cinquains but is this one? I guess a double cinquain would have 20x2 syllables. But this has 46. But it did do 4, 8, 12 for the first three lines which matches the 1,2,3 format

This is a cinquain:

Snow
Silent, white
Dancing, falling, drifting
Covering everything it touches
Blanket

Anyway, I do not really understand poetry formats but if this was a cinquain then it sacrifices sense for structure. If not it made no sense and was not what it said it was on the box.


Thanks for sharing.

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593
593
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Kotaro Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I saw {item:} on the list of past Sci-Fi Contest winners. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Berenice and Auriga must now take their pet Perky to be put down. The onset of dementia has degraded their pet's life to a considerable extent. They view the action highlights of his life as they wait for the urn. Later they will make decisions on whether they need a new pet to fill the void...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I could really empathize with this having just lost a pet and having to go through this process. Then I realized what species these pets were...

This was hilarious and shocking but also implausible. The world you built here has aliens in abundance whereas we have found nothing out there except magnificent desolation.

You write extremely well. I especially liked this line:

He struggled to form a thought, but his mind was like a blackboard with an eraser swishing everything into a gray mess.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Days were spend making the final decision - were spent

Auriga carried Perky pass the massive oaken doors - Auriga carried Perky past the massive oaken doors


Thanks for sharing.

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594
594
Review of Matilda  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, James Heyward Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I saw "Matilda" Open in new Window. on the list of past Sci-Fi Contest winners. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Max with his trusty sword Matilda is a scavenger in a post-apocalyptic world. He moves out into the wild far away from the relative safety of Rullytown. Here a fearsome cult dominates, they had already taken his fingers. Men branded with the twisted heart guard valuable relics and resources from the world that came before. He meets Spell a girl between 5-7 years of age when he kills her father and takes his wolf mask. Can retrieve the fortune he yearns for...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Max is part warrior, part Scavenger, and ideally suited for an apocalyptic landscape and especially wearing his trophy wolf mask. That he looks after the girl Spell implies a code of some kind even though he has no compunction about killing people for profit. Maybe he once knew and even liked her father.

The Phosphorous guns place the end of civilisation some distance from current technology levels, so maybe we still have time to avoid the end.

Your descriptions were gripping and the ending a dark surprise. I had hoped for some kind of happy ending there. Instead, you had a tragic thief standing in a burning forest having just murdered a man. The possibility exists that the girl also will die in the flames now that he is no longer there to look after her.

Very well written but a little nihilistic and a vision of a world that mixes tribal savagery with glimpses of advanced technology. Humanity has been there before many times...

I found some minor errors.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Across the yard a faint orange glow flickered within one of the collapsed building. - Across the yard, a faint orange glow flickered within one of the collapsed buildings.

the phos-gun discharged one of it’s barrels - the possessive form of its is its.


Thanks for sharing.

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595
595
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Charge of the Light Brigade" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A colonel and three privates in a landrover are on a mission. But "Muslims" shell their vehicle and the colonel is blown to pieces. Retrieving the orders from the Colonel's pocket they can only read a part of the message. In consultation with the command on the radio, they then decide to follow them...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The original charge of the light brigade was carried out by cavalry against the Russian guns in the Crimean war. It was glorious and suicidal and their meaningless sacrifice and courage are now immortalized in Tennyson's poem.

"Charge," was the captain's cry;
Their's not to reason why,
Their's not to make reply,
Their's but to do and die,
Into the valley of Death
⁠Rode the six hundred.

Here we have probably misunderstood orders being blindly followed yet again and implicitly with the same kind of consequence.

"Muslims" is a little ambiguous, is this a proper army or just a rag-tag terrorist outfit. Is it guerillas in the hills or a well-trained military force? In context, it sounds like terrorists so the artillery we are talking about might be a highly mobile RPG7 rocket launcher or a mortar. In which you might be charging towards something that just moves to a different place.

If the mission is to take out the guns then a sniper might be more effective and a more patient stealth attack that takes out both spotter and weapon handler and then spikes the weapons afterward.

Also if the attack which killed the colonel was on their landrover it sounds like their only option is the infantry one.

But we are not given the details just the order to charge.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

It was short and apparently error-free.


Thanks for sharing.

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596
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello, PureSciFiPlus Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Silent Communications" Open in new Window. via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Twelve-year-old James thinks he is old enough to be left alone in the house without a babysitter - he cannot talk and signs his views. His parents argue about this and eventually agree to leave for a couple of hours. In that time he manages to ignore an important message that could save his sister Alice's life and also slip badly on the stairs. He calls 911 and breaks a window to get their attention. His parents praise him...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

There are a lot of examples of miscommunication in this text. James struggles to get his parent's attention. The delayed receipt of the note relating to Alice, Patrick's failure to reinforce this note with a direct text to the parents, the inability to actually speak on the phone during the 911 call. Somehow James survives this effort, though as a parent I would not be praising his efforts following such disasters. He is lucky he lived in a small town where the lady at the police station already knows who he is and why he cannot speak.

There were some logical inconsistencies here:

How fast is James climbing the stairs? He drops some mayo and slips on it. He would have to be going quite slow for that to be a factor.

He knows the guy at the door by the first name Patrick yet is terrified of him.

Why didn't Patrick also text the parents when he realized that James had taken the message?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The first paragraph is a little confusing. His parents are arguing, James is trying to get a reaction out of them by doing ape-like chest-pounding. He cannot hear them too well and is getting no response yet he can do it. Do what? Why does whatever he is doing tell him they are talking about him? Pounding your chest is more a visual signal in a child than an audio one so if he is trying to create a sound to attract attention that is not very effective. Or do you mean that he has enough hearing to get the gist of what they are saying? Maybe you clarify this in paragraph three when you suggest he is not deaf.

You call James's parents by their first names, which is really unusual and sounds odd to most readers. Why not just dad or mum? Maybe you would call a stepdad or stepmom by first name but not your father or mother.

Slowly, James opens his eye and moves his head slightly. - why just one eye?


Thanks for sharing.

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597
597
Review of Min  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Sumojo Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Min" Open in new Window. via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Exploited and alienated workers work in a capitalist enterprise in Communist China. They come from the countryside to the city full of hope for a better life. They work long hours. When Apple officials visit the factory no one would ever know the reality of their conditions. Min moved here to escape the pressures and sexism of village life. She tries to better herself by learning English but her life is going nowhere. How can she let the people out there know of what is going on in her life and the lives of her fellow workers?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I liked the story and it had an important and worthy message to it also.

Min is easy to sympathize with and has a positive vibe to her with her desire for a better life and for self-improvement and indeed for taking the risk to communicate her plight and those of her fellow workers.

But our engagement with the person Min in this story is quite shallow. She suffers and sees suffering but does not share feelings or thought life. She effectively dictates the story from her POV. We get an angry mum chasing her with a stick, work colleagues that cannot hold a proper conversation, and tyrannical bosses who only say "do not talk, work faster." Her songs are suppressed and her dreams are crushed at every turn. In a world where every external force seems so negative, she still reaches out to the wider world to help her. But why, why should she trust that there is any love or compassion out there at all?

I was unsure how Min would even know about anything like a World Human Rights Association having no experience of such groups and living in such a tightly controlled environment. The ending was a surprise though and finished the storyline perfectly


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Probably commas but I am no expert on those.

Is it good place sounds like people think a Chinese person would say it which was OK.

You use British English.


Thanks for sharing.

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598
598
Review of Silent Wave  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, debmiller1 Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Silent Wave" Open in new Window. via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Jim is driving away from the approaching tsunami in Hawaii. His dramatic efforts seem to be paying off and it looks like he will be able to escape the approaching waters. But then he sees a lady sitting on her porch apparently oblivious to the sirens...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This was exciting stuff and the whole, running from the wave, frustration with the traffic and blocked roads was really well done.

The challenge of communicating to a deaf lady at such a time-critical moment was also masterful. The image of her waving a kitchen knife through the window said it all. You included some fantastic lines:

clogged traffic arteries

He was more like a Chewbacca than a Luke Skywalker.

A woman, who was born deaf, learned to her surprise that sunsets were silent. She’d watched how hearing people reacted to large things. She’d decided that all big things must be loud. The bigger, the louder.

I really liked the Jim character. He was large and intimidating looking but with the heart of a gentle giant, and willing to risk his life to save this woman.

I am surprised the deaf lady did not pick up on visual clues like neighbors running or driving for their lives down her street earlier. If it was a back street that does not have to be a problem I suppose.

The last paragraph seemed to express a strong capacity for empathy in Jim as he considered what a world without sound would be like. But I did not really understand how that would be like drowning in a tidal wave, smashed by debris and swept away by the currents. Being deaf is an ongoing thing, not a catastrophic or sudden thing.

Thanks for a great story.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

And that a line of vehicles were following him. - line is singular so was not were

He could kick in her door in - He could kick her door in


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Imagine  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Fyn Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Imagine" Open in new Window. via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Big blue, three ceiling-high aliens are here with pointy fingers and Judgment Day in mind. Benson is tasked with saving the human race from its impending doom. His message is that "All Lives matter," and he must convince the human race that is true. His tool is Facebook and he has just 24 hours or we ALL die!...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This was very amusing and well written, though I found the premise a little implausible.

I think you have to be quite thick-skinned to post on Facebook, on news sites for example. People can be extremely abusive and accuse you of all sorts of rubbish. It does not stop me as I like the "reality test" and enjoy a good fight, but I try not to make it personal and keep it focused on the actual arguments.

But if you had to save the human race using this tool with a message that just is not going to carry to most of them then we are probably doomed.

So good job that Benson manages to turn that pointy finger around and show the aliens the beam in their own eyes. In the end, his desperate appeal for people to just STOP the bickering for a moment and get on probably would not have worked out, as online bullies would have decorated his post with laughing faces and homed in on his desperation and weakness.

I did not know that John Lennon was in the stars now and that these big lumbering aliens were dancing to the beat of "Imagine all the people..."

The basic premise "All lives matter" is true in the sense that all are made in God's image and have equal potential for salvation. But in the end, a parent prefers their own kids over other people's children. Are the dammed really equal to the saved or the unproductive to the productive? American exceptionalism militates against the implicit globalism of Lennon's and the alien's message. It is an impossible sell and probably will never be true until God is all in all.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I realize you were quoting a moron but this was not grammatically correct:

"Your an idiot!! - You're

The would of splintering glass - sound?

FaceBook - Facebook


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, BScholl Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Gateway (1st Place)" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A strange blind boy called Passo seems to have a magical gift with the pictures he draws. The medical professionals do not believe him until...

*Quill*Commentary

I guess we all have favorite places in time and space where we would have liked to have lived. Most of those fantasies are unformed and most of us are torn between multiple destinations. But Dr. Gomez and Dr. Horiwitz both have clear pictures in their heads of the places and times they would have liked to have been. Passo draws these pictures and magically they are transported to them. This idea is provocative and compelling and makes me wonder where I would have chosen to go.

It is a cool concept and idea even if utterly implausible. Effectively it is time travel backward because inspired by historical memory or connection and that defies the known laws of physics which have time moving in a linear forwards motion only.

Also, there is no known force whether good or evil that would perform this historical teleportation. It is not a human power, nor a demonic or angelic one and from what we know it is not God's style either.

Still despite the impossibility of the concept, it was a cool and provocative, and well-written story.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Further I called the castle - Further, I called the castle (OR Furthermore)

“I thought you’d come.” Passo replied. - “I thought you’d come,” Passo replied.


Thanks for sharing.

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