*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luminementis/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/26
Review Requests: ON
2,324 Public Reviews Given
2,324 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 22 23 24 25 -26- 27 28 29 30 31 ... Next
626
626
Review of Beyond reach  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, jasondotcom I found "Beyond reach"  when searching for articles on Schizophrenia. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Little brother Shane is diagnosed with acute paranoid schizophrenia. He is suspicious of medication attempts and the mental health system and prone to delusions and conspiracy theories. He had a family that cared for him but when that became too much he was moved to supported accommodation. He is now homeless and on the road by his own choice, calling in usually only when in trouble. The author feels helpless to deal with this. One solution is to institutionalize these people but that seems a little inhumane.

*Quill*Commentary

How do you help someone who does not want to be helped and who suspects even the best intentions of those equipped to help him?

Schizophrenia can be treated using a combination of antipsychotic medications and therapeutic and social support. But it is a painstaking and slow process that requires the cooperation of those who are being treated.

For someone like Shane who completely distrusts the system, there is no cure. So the choice is really to lock him up or let him roam free. Maybe homelessness is actually the best option of the two, though he will die earlier as a result.

I felt this piece was more descriptive than therapeutic. It was a concerned brother looking on with no idea about how to help the brother he loved. You could of course pray for your brother, it seems that only God can help him now.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

My Grammar checker lights up like a Christmas tree over commas in this.

Also spelling mistakes: wherabouts = whereabouts


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
627
627
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Shubh . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Make-believe Friend"  via the please review list. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A sad lonely kid, with "friends" that laughed at his misfortunes, is saved by a female make-believe friend. She never asked for anything but restored his peace and happiness. She is remembered now.

*Quill*Commentary

If solace was found in a friend that you wrote about and penned in your imagination in the worst of schooling worlds then that is a positive.

That she faded away when no longer needed is also a sign of healing following those events.

That your friend was a good person with a positive influence is also great.

It seems this poem is full of contradictions and some confusion about that relationship with this imaginary friend. This undermines somewhat the clarity and power of the poem and makes it harder for a reader to access your meaning.

Also, there is a considerable abuse of the English language here in terms of tenses and grammar.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I found the phrasing difficult to follow and confusing at times.

For example:

Friends made of stone can laugh.

She was who neither let me happy nor let me sad. elsewhere you suggest she was a source of happiness indeed you conclude:

Who always made me happy,
Never let me sad. *StarStruck*

My creation or God’s all, - that she is a make-believe friend is clear from the title but a creation of God would have more substance than this.

Never led me downwards the hill. - Never led me down the hill.

Penning down the emotions I wish she had - Penning the emotions I wish she had

Superior than me as her friend told Do not understand this line. Does this mean your imaginary friend had another friend as you suggest later or is it a reference to yourself?

Yes, "I do have other friends", she communicated me.
They made her fly in the air, so carefree.
She spoke to them not to me, my bad
I was her best but weakest friend she had - so are all these others also imaginary people? You said she never spoke to you but here she is communicating with you. Surely it is communicated to me.


Never let me sad. *StarStruck* - is that never left me sad or never let me be sad? You seem to use the word "let" incorrectly throughout the poem.

By my rating scheme, 2.5 stars is an average rating and so I hope that you are too discouraged by it. See below for details.

Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
628
628
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, S D Ballentyne . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "I Voted Trump (and I liked it)."  via the please review list. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A comic rewrite of Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl." This is a satirical critique of Trump that dams him with sarcastic praise.

*Quill*Commentary

From your portfolio, it seems you are both fascinated and repelled by Donald Trump as he is all you write about. I wondered if this was a sign that he had more successfully connected with you than you might be comfortable with. Still, if he gets you writing then maybe he is not all bad.

The critique of Trump implicit in your satire is the following:
1) He mismanaged the Covid Pandemic.
2) His immigration policy discriminated against Iranians and Mexicans.
3) He stands for white people over Hispanics and blacks.
4) His own moral example is poor.
5) He is not a successful businessman.
6) Fox News supported him.
7) He cut taxes for the rich but failed to support medicare for poor people.
8) His love of Big Oil is destroying the environment.
9) Only a crazy person would vote for him.

That is a lot of negativity for a song to bear and indeed does crush some of the comedy out of it.

I agreed with 1), 2), 4), 8) to get those out of the way first off.

Trump is a narcissist and you need to understand his policies through that filter. He does what works for him.

3) Trump is not a racist, he just plays to the connections that work for him. So Saudis are his allies for instance even though most of the 911 terrorists came from there not Iran. Saudia Arabia and Israel hate Iranians and Trump picked a side in that dispute. Trump's vote among Black males increased in the last election due to his support of prison justice reforms that penalized black males.

5) The guy is worth $2.5 Bn according to the most recent Forbes Rich List estimate. He has lost out recently to Big Tech because Real Estate has suffered from the Pandemic but his fundamentals are still in place. He is not a failure as a businessman.

6) Fox News supports a right of center agenda in US Politics but its relationship with Trump is more frayed. Murdoch despises the guy.

7) Medicare, as it stood under Obama, would have bankrupt the country. There has to be some kind of reform to implement comprehensive care in a cost-effective way and neither party have a workable policy to achieve that. Tax cuts on the rich paid for by increased debt make no sense whatsoever. But as the recent Biden spending plans illustrate getting Congress to approve higher taxes and spending is not an easy job and the default tendency of the American system is towards bankruptcy as the debut spirals out of control.

8) Who you vote for is a matter of priorities. Many Christians have voted for a man who they consider personally unfit for office because he stands up for them against a Woke culture and against abortion for instance. This support should be qualified by a more outspoken critique of his faults but in a partisan culture that might just hand victory to the other side.

I felt the comedic value of the song was undermined a little by these issues and also by the below.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You used British English spellings while suggesting you voted for Trump. Are you even American?

You used "bats***" twice and there was a lot of repetition of the word "it" outside of the trademark phrase "I liked it."


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
629
629
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, Jeff . As a "victim" of your rating philosophy "Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" , I thought I would review it to better understand it and apply it to future works. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Commentary

I received the lowest mark in the last WDC competition and yet what I would consider the best review from you of the bunch you gave. By best I mean most helpful. Since I also reviewed all the other contestants I was able to compare what you wrote in your reviews against my own assessments to get a feel for the differences. My low mark and a feeling that I might be a party to rating inflation on the site made me want to understand your thoughts better by reading your rating philosophy.

You feel that high ratings are given too easily on WDC. Your reasoning seemed compelling on that. 5 Stars should be something that is truly exceptional and 4 stars are for very good work. I have given too many high ratings in my short time as a reviewer here and feel that should change. Reading your philosophy should help me do that as you are one of the most credible reviewers on the site. I plan on spending some time now building my own rating philosophy and criteria to improve my reviewing performance and rating integrity. But the key question here is what is exceptional and what is merely average?

Beyond mere personal preferences, the value of writing could be determined by what will sell for instance to publishers and the general public. What themes and stories will make the most impact. So for example "Squid Games" is the top-rated Netflix production right now with a story of ordinary adults in difficult circumstances competing in children's games where the rules are brutally enforced and all but one of the 456 contestants end up dead. The survivor wins an enormous cash prize to the anonymous applause of a very rich clientele who have paid to watch. That is a winner of a story because it sells and because of the number of people who watch it. The story exposes a rich-poor divide and articulates the struggles of many ordinary people but it offers no solutions to these and is merely descriptive. Indeed the premise of the game is that there is no good to be found in the world and only the game offers losers a way to redeem themselves. By your scheme, I suspect it would receive 5 stars but I would give it only 4 stars. Both of us would agree on its technical quality while disagreeing on its moral worth and inspirational value.

Comparing the grades you gave and I gave to the contestants in the last contest I found that we mainly agreed on the quality. Generally, you marked lower than me by half a star which fits your concern for rating inflation. Though there were some stories I clearly liked more than you which is probably down to personal preference as there was little in the stated reasoning that disagreed. You missed some major ommissions in Outcast due to the author rushing the ending and you did not ever really engage with the actual content of big ideas in stories such as in Lifes Edge which you liked but did not really comment on in any meaningful way. I thought you were harsh on Cecile & New Beginnings but only marginally so.

Your rating system is focused exclusively on technical writing style and execution and on the content only in terms of its quality, not in terms of its actual moral/inspirational value. So I rated Vanishing Stars 3,5 stars for instance because I found its premise blasphemous, its philosophy solipsist nonsense, and I found about half a star worth of mechanical errors. You gave it your highest rating of 4.5 stars.

Your rating philosophy is a well-constructed overview of how you mark people and a useful guide. It made me think that I should seriously reconsider how I assess people's stories and rate them and made me realize that I still had a long way to go in terms of technical proficiency as a writer. It also made me suspect the assessment criteria of some of the highest experts in the publishing industry in the ways in which they assess value. Their devotion to Mammon over God may be a long-term disservice to the writer's craft. In essence what works may not work in reality.

Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
630
630
Review of New Ways  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, RiteLady . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "New Ways"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The climate is changing. The author's experience suggests that it is windier and that certain kinds of plants that grow higher above the ground are suffering as a result e.g. Tomatoes, while ones that grow below the ground are not e.g. Potatoes. The wind dries the topsoil and more watering is thus required. We need the wisdom to learn new ways.

*Quill*Commentary

Everybody's experience of climate change is different it seems. Some complaints are about desertification, some about hurricanes, some about extreme weather events like the recent floods in Germany. A drying wind that changes the kinds of plants that can thrive and the kinds that cannot is an interesting one that I have not heard before.

I liked this poem, it had an authentic quality about it and you described things well.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None I noticed.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
631
631
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello, PureSciFi . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw "All Alone in the Universe"  on the list of Sci-Fi Contest entries for August. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The survival of Vollínia depends on the move to Vollinia Two. So 200000 young ones are put in Frozen in Time capsules for the journey. But space rocks hit the ship causing them to wake up without sufficient food or water for the journey. They attempt to go to another planet instead but are attacked so they decide to take the planet by force.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Why did they wake up the other 150000 passengers if they did not have food and water to feed them. Surely it would have been better to leave these in their tubes until solutions were found.

The availability of an alternative planet so close by was a little too convenient.

The text is very visually descriptive but uses none of the other senses but lacks any inner drama or soul. It sounds like children talking excitedly about things they do not really understand. There is no attempt to negotiate once they are fired upon. They could have destroyed the enemy's attack and then opened communications.

How can 200000 people, who have just been fired on, at the first planet they visited be alone in the universe?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Grammatically fine but a little child-like and robotic in style.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
632
632
Review of Being Human  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, WriterAngel . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw "Being Human"  on the list of Sci-Fi Contest entries for August. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author is an inclusive Martian school that includes the native Noolians and the more recently arrived and now dominant human colonists. She is friends with Neutorian one of the aliens. He is a very honest person but does not seem to understand all the nuances of human culture. The author has the hots for Chad an impossibly handsome, ripped human. She will even go into space if he is going and for the chance to sit next to him. As they launch Chad starts being nasty towards Neutorian and anyway he has hooked up with Cornelia now. The author has decisions to make about who her friends are...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Well, I guess you are going into space, from Mars, with aliens on board. Though the mechanics of how that works are mainly missing from this account. The account focuses instead on the drama and plays out a sort of race-based drama in which Noolians are the ridiculed minority. In the end, the author sees through Chad's shallow sculpted looks and personality and prefers the company of her real friend Neutorian.

So the big ideas I have to accept here are:

1) That mankind colonizes Mars - probable.
2) That intelligent aliens exist on Mars - unlikely
3) That rocket-based technology will be cheap enough for school field trips in the distant future. - maybe but depends on a lot of factors.

The drama was fine and well written. I found myself warming to the Neutorian character and rejoicing that the author was able to work through her hormones to a sane decision about her friendships. The story had a positive vibe and helpful lesson to it. But it lacked any kind of technological scientific engagement with the spacefaring technologies.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

He asked in exaggerated fashion, pointing at each in turn - He asked in an exaggerated fashion, pointing at each in turn


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
633
633
Review of Holograms  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Kotaro . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* We both entered the WDC Short Shots Contest "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . I have the following comments to offer about "Holograms" .

*Quill*Reader Experience

A frozen wasteland near New York hides a library of old books from another age. The visitor is a trader looking for that knowledge, He trades comics and adventure novels for dry factual books that might help the human race. Then he reads the Gettyburgs address by Lincoln and decides that it is too dangerous and subversive of whatever order now prevails to be allowed to exist. He burns it but the owner of the book store has another copy.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You seemed to ignore the prompt for this competition.

The back story reminded me of that film Day after Tomorrow with the people holed up in a library in New York after the beginning of a new ice age burning law books to keep warm. But in this scenario, the ice seems centuries old, and yet with fabulous new technologies old knowledge is still preserved there. The owner is happy to trade engineering and mathematics for adventure stories and comics suggesting that outside this hi-tech library in icy stillness technology is not so developed and that much knowledge has been lost. The reason for the ice age is not explained nor what catastrophe may have befallen mankind out there. But it seems that not only knowledge but also liberty has been a casualty of the icy centuries.

Why would the old man laugh when the trader burnt the Gettysburg address. Surely it was evidence of the continued oppression of mankind out there and therefore a reason to mourn not laugh.

If this was an oppressive state of which the trader was a representative and they knew of the books why did they simply not take them by force?

The use of holograms as a way of interacting without risk was a creative security feature. I was not sure of what the starry entrance hall signified nor how that would have worked in practice.

Clearly, neither the trader nor the book owner has any concept of digitalization and Kindles.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
634
634
Review of Cecilie  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Kåre Enga in Montana . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* We both entered the WDC Short Shots Contest "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . I have the following comments to offer about "Cecilie" .

*Quill*Reader Experience

A pink-haired exile on a horse rides through the night. She expects people with their snores and steaming liquids to be frightened of her. But the people in this tent are not. She seems to be able to scare off death and has lived a very long time but who is she? She gazes at the stars and hears their music, who is she...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I found this story fabulously colorful and descriptive but was a little confused by it. My reading is that she is a star fallen to the earth, with pink hair and riding a horse. She spends her time listening to the songs and music of her lost companions from whom she is exiled and she pretends to be Big Foot in the mountains. But why would a star have pink hair? Why was she exiled? Is she even a star at all or instead is she some kind of being from out there? She can hear people's dreams and seems therefore to operate on a different plane to people. Able to rebuke even death. But are these people, these newcomers in their strange tent, these people who are not scared of her, here to rescue her? How would they know what to do and how could they accomplish this?

The themes here revolve around her identity, her exile, and these people who have sought her out unafraid and comprehending of who she is. The strangeness and the terror she evokes in others are not there in these people. So maybe she is no beast but rather a pink princess from a strange realm? Maybe she is not a threat but rather just another being in the vastness of space whose life is to be respected and cherished?

There was brilliance in many of your descriptive lines

She sat down to be drawn into its dream.

Her tinkling song was a lullaby to those who shut up long enough to look up and see the crescendo of color, the melody in the movement of ions.

But the story itself was too strange to be meaningful. It made more effort to be on the edge of understanding that to shine any actual light into people's lives.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Grammarly lights up and I tell it to shut up. A master is at work.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
635
635
Review of Outcast  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Beholden . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* We both entered the WDC Short Shots Contest "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . I have the following comments to offer about "Outcast" .

*Quill*Reader Experience

Set on planet Gallifrage in the Omega 3 Galaxy this is a story of the survivors of the Starship DogStar who crashed there. Having viewed a nebula/sunset need the Zerndriki range of mountains they settled down for the night in their tent. Fortunately, this was made of super fabric as something was outside during the night. Anyway having developed a countermeasure they ran outside to confront the beast. Will they ever make it to Andressons Port over the cold inhospitable mountains...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I love the way you got around the impossible dilemma of the picture showing stars and a sunset at the same time. You simply transferred the sunset to another planet and threw in a nebula to boot.

So I guess Bergen and the author are the good guys here and the monster is the antagonist in this plot. But they appear completely outmaneuvered by it as it steals their tent forcing them to attempt the mountains at night. So maybe the real struggle is against the cold and the mountains. You seem to run out of energy for the story though just as they approached the mountains telling us they managed the heroic feat but without actually taking us along for the fight.

The characters and even their equipment seemed realistic in a futuristic kind of way. The scenario of the crash and attempt to reach a far-flung settlement also seemed plausible and entertaining.

Monsters always wake me up, so not a boring story. I did miss the rock climbing though. You could have thrown in a few blood-curdling roars from their invisible friend while they were hanging from their fingertips on some rock face just to keep them moving.

The goal of the story was clear. They wanted to get back to human habitation. Having a wild beast chase them from their wreckage contributed to the sense of being marooned in the wild.

So they will still be saying "No s*** Sherlock" in the distant future and showing reruns of his detective work in a spacesuit on different planets- good to know.

You called the story Outcast which presumably was a reference to the invisible beast rather than the shipwrecked crew as they made it to safety and were not stigmatized in any way. Indeed you said they ended as heroes. So effectively the story was all about a beast we never saw and whose mysterious origins we can only speculate about. I guess this means the story could be developed to answer the whole range of questions provoked by the situation.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

None I noticed.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
636
636
Review of The Birth Of ...  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, THANKFUL SONALI Now What? . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* We both entered the WDC Short Shots Contest "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . I have the following comments to offer about "The Birth Of ..." .

*Quill*Reader Experience

Set in the middle of a global pandemic with humans having retreated into their homes strange things are happening in the mountains. It is as though the earth itself gives birth to a strange white orb that guides Natasha to new enlightenment about the future. In conference with the animals, standing there in her pajamas the way forward becomes suddenly very clear.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is a pantheistic fantasy as the Earth is not a thinking being or able to give birth to orbs of enlightenment like this. This orb chooses a young girl as the instrument of our salvation even mirroring her colors in its responsiveness to her. One wonders what Greta Thunberg is not telling us about why she is a green activist. However the theme here is quite topical for me since my country has just voted quite strongly for a green way forward in its recent election. The protagonist here is I suppose the earth itself and those who subscribe to good stewardship of it. The enemy is the greedy and the Mammon worshippers who would spoil the planet with their lack of concern and poor stewardship.

The worry about greens is that they will bankrupt economies necessary to provide the taxes to pay for welfare, pensions, health, and education. The earth itself has no solutions and human beings need to step up to the challenge of pollution and climate change themselves. So the recent vote in the German election and consensus of the other parties makes it clear that a green way forward is being plotted in Europe. It is human beings that will make this happen and in some cases, it is human beings that are also in the way of this happening. But is a girl in pajamas shouting at the old men that are destroying her future the right person to get this done? There are other levers from more worldly people that can achieve the same result e.g. a desire to be free of dependence on Arab Oil and Russian gas by building windmills.

The story itself was well written and poetic in places.


*Quill*Mechanical issues


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
637
637
Review of Fall  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Beckab50 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Fall"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Fall is everywhere, everywhere we look. It is beautiful

*Quill*Commentary

It is not Fall in the Southern Hemisphere. We call it Autumn in Britain and Herbst in 'Schland. In certain parts of the city, I see only concrete and Fall sounds like a mythological construction of some sort. Some of the soggy wet days and moldy leaves Of Autumn are not that pretty. So it is not everywhere, cannot be seen everywhere, and is not always pretty. Just saying!


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The convention is three dots not four dots as used on line 2.

Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
638
638
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Chris24 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* We both entered the WDC Short Shots Contest "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . I have the following comments to offer about "The Vanishing Stars"  .

*Quill*Reader Experience

A father is sharing time with his daughter beneath the stars pointing them out. But they start to disappear. Then a being falls from the heavens like a shooting star. Thomas and Abigail retreat to their tent hoping to hide from it but it finds them and is shot for its trouble. Then Thomas and Hatu speak later joined by Abigail. Abigail has been given a strange and wonderful power but the terrible creatures of nothingness are storming towards her. Will she be able to rebuke them before it is too late...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The story is well-written and captivating. The storyline sounded a little like a humanized version of the creation account with Thomas staring as God Almighty and Abigail as wisdom the first of God's works. Wisdom in the biblical account is the architect of creation, preceding it, and is not therefore dependent upon it.

The Lord brought me forth as the first of his works before his deeds of old; Prov 8:22 Before all things but God existed was wisdom.

The big idea here is that the spirit of creation passes through a specially selected member of the natural order. That Hatu represents a race of beings that are the priests of that process. The enemy is the terrible beasts of the dark that threaten to consume all light and life.

It appears to be a terrible risk and indeed reduction of the possible universe that we are all the solipsist products of a child's imagination and memory with only her father to guide her at the crucial moment.

Hatu implied he was the last of his kind but at the end was asking them to come with him to meet The Guides of Sebraxis for training.

I have liked some fantasy though I admit this is not my genre. However, this story borders on blasphemy usurping the role of God and wisdom with that of a mere man and child. I find it theologically blasphemous, scientifically impossible (so improperly categorized), and reductionist and solipsist in its philosophical outlook.

There were also some mechanical errors. The judges for this contest clearly disagree with my appraisal of this piece and awarded you first place. But having read some of their reviews it is clear they do not prioritize content to the extent that I do.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

a pearlescent shimmer shifting from read to blue - a pearlescent shimmer shifting from red to blue

“No.” she said - “No,” she said

blacken - blackened


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
639
639
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Dr M C Gupta . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "LIFE WITHOUT RELIGION"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

WHEN: Religion provokes conflicts between the faithful and the unfaithful and the followers of one prophet and then another. WHEN: Religion blindly enforces out-of-date rites. THEN it is time to say goodbye to religion.

*Quill*Commentary

All paths do not lead to the same God. One man follows a true prophet and the other a false one. Conflict comes on many levels but spiritual warfare against evil and false religion is a characteristic of true religion. On occasions, wars have been fought for good religious reasons. On occasions, wars have been won by the righteous and also the wicked. The fact of war is not the problem nor that religions might sometimes provoke them. A war against Hitler was a righteous one as would have been one against Stalin. People fight about the things that concern them most and religion is the most profound of reasons. But true religion should teach peacekeeping and peacefulness as the desirable outcome of any conflicts. We do not fight for the sake of fighting but for the higher goal.

Religion is about how man responds to God. Since God is eternal religion will always exist so long as man exists.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Life will be such a fun! - Life will be such fun!


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
640
640
Review of The crypt  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Sumojo . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw "The crypt "  on the list of Chapter One Contest entries. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Dorothy entered the empty cemetery to take some pictures for an art project. She leaves her car and captures the last sunset moments of the graveyard. Satisfied she turns to leave and that is where the story really starts...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You had gates but not the door specified for the competition. You located the story in a cemetery after the funeral guests had left it. The descriptions of the graves and shadows and last moments of the sunshine all worked well as did the feeling of a chill just before the horrors of the night. I liked the fact that Dorthy had a messy car. That just seemed to fit my experience of most arty-farty creative types.

I wondered at how this could be expanded beyond the Chapter One parameters into a full-length novel. If Dorothy is the star then I guess she has to get away and having been bitten will turn into a vampire. Subsequent chapters would then explore her experience of sunlight, bloodthirst maybe new giftings, etc. There was a bit of a sense of deja view with this piece and I wondered if this story had already been told before in a variety of ways. If you kill Dorothy off of course then you need a new star not yet introduced here.

This was well written, but the plot was a little predictable and it did not fit the competition parameters at all. It read like something you wanted to write anyway plonked into whatever competition was open at the time.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None really


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
641
641
Review of Winter Roses  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Kåre Enga in Montana . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw "Winter Roses"  on the list of Chapter One Contest entries. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A doorway in a meadow to another realm where the victims of a blizzard sit waiting, but for what. An old lady brings a gift of roses, her eyes are blind to the ghosts but maybe she sees as she returns as ashes according to her wish.

*Quill*Commentary:

This was beautifully described and kind of spooky. I did not feel like it opened up a novel's worth of questions though. It was a stand-alone story finished with the last sentence.

Also, I had no understanding of why the old lady wanted to abide in a meadow staring at nature for all eternity. The young man seemed also to understand the purpose of the door and was able to open it where others had failed to deposit the ashes. Where did this special ability/sight come from?

I was not sure about how the ghosts could see through a closed door?

Also, the theology of ghosts/spirits hovering around the places where they died seemed a little pagan and unreal to me.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
642
642
Review of Out for Tea  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Philippe . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Out for Tea"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Harry Wilson and Lucile Wilson are an easy-going couple without even a hint of hidden hostilities. The author and his wife and boys are the hosts here and the wife is determined to get it right as if the Queen herself were coming to tea. But the guests are late. The reasons appear to be that their easy-going natures just do not really allow for any sense of urgency. Their lives are right there at home with each other and the tasks and actions that take place there. There is no desire to confront or keep external schedules. But then why should someone else invite them to tea?


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This was funny but also infuriating. I acquired German citizenship a few years ago and my inner Deutsche was raging over Harry and Lucile Wilson's lack of punctuality. How they behaved showed no social respect and sometimes a little confrontation is necessary to keep schedules and arrive at events on time. I have to wonder if this couple keeps any appointments or could hold down any kind of job with this mentality. Also, the hosts having made all those efforts are left just twiddling their thumbs waiting for people who never turn up.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

"Well it's just we're waiting for you here for tea." Needs a comma after Well.

no-doubt - remove hyphen

just finish of this bit - off not of


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
643
643
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, pwkom04 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "This One's For ..."  via a newsletter. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

For a long list of broken, abused, molested, unloved, poverty-stricken, isolated, uneducated, hated, hungry the message is your troubles will pass and you can learn to love yourself. Lifes true goal is to obtain the gifts of good health, faith, wealth, accomplishment, wisdom, and of course love. Love of self is possible and beautiful


*Quill*Commentary

It was an impressive list of needy and broken people. But then you offer a solution which seemed quite unconvincing to me. Broken people do not know how to love until someone loves them would be my response to this. The best person to love them is God Himself through Christ as He is an unbroken, untainted, and enduring example of love. If we look into a mirror with our own spiritual reflection in it then it will be a cracked mirror that shows us a Picasso-like face that is broken and distorted. But God sees us as we really could be and it is His love that can perfectly restore us, fill those empty spaces, and teach us how to love ourselves and others. Love does not heal if it only looks inwards. Love is personal and requires relationships to be activated in us and to bring its healing power to bear.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
644
644
Review of The writer in me  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Lea Rachel . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The writer in me"  via a newsletter. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The writer describes the reasons she writes and her process of continual reviewing. She is always writing and retelling her stories. She writes because otherwise the stories just accumulate in her head and it gets very crowded in there and there is no space left for normal life and living. She started writing early and the stories keep coming. Some of the stories she wrote eraöier have now been rewritten in an entirely different way.

*Quill*Commentary

This personal account of why you write resonated with me. I have been away on a business trip this last week, the wifi was poor in the hotel and work was intense and so I wrote nothing for a whole week. But after a week of continual conversations with new faces and continual interaction with new ideas my head is exploding and I have a need for some serious writing therapy!

I liked the way you described the writing and then rewriting of stories. I have a big story which I wrote in 12 novels before I came to this site. But coming here has shown me all sorts of weaknesses in the way this was written and it needs extensive revision. The idea of retelling the stories and the ways in which those stories are changed by the new act of writing also resonated.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
645
645
Review of In His Presence  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Sum1 In Halifax . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "In His Presence"  has something to do with the letter S. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

In beautiful music, in a surge of emotion, in the turning of a gray sky into a blue one we can sense God's presence. It is a touch like a feather, like a soft summer breeze, like a whisper on the edge of sleep. God speaks and we should listen. He is always with us.

*Quill*Commentary

I am really glad I came touring your portfolio today for this raid review on the theme of the letter S. It is your name that earned this visit and because you are on my fan list. You describe prayerful moments of being with God in a manner that only a true and authentic believer can understand. You speak of His presence with joy and a feeling of peace about you that connects us with Him also. I am reminded of moments in my own life when He has felt near and it warms my heart to be so reminded. In the rush of work and family and events, it is all too easy to forget this simple reality at the heart of our faith. That we can simply be with God, sit in His presence, and from the deepest parts of our souls rejoice at that privilege.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nah!


Thanks for sharing.

Summer Fun shared image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
646
646
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, Sum1 In Halifax . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "Listen To The Silence"  has something to do with the letter S. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An exploration of the silence that accompanied important moments.


*Quill*Commentary

Silence is underrated in our society. People fill the void with music or chatter but sometimes the moment or the action trumps any words that could be spoken. You list a large number of these. I know people who misinterpret silence in others and who immediately assume the worst about their thoughts. Sometimes you have to trust that the silence is a good thing filled with love and awe. It is when we stop speaking that we start to hear what others think and those softer sounds of a heartbeat, a lover's breath while they sleep, sobs and raindrops. A whole new world is opened up in the silence of God's presence as we learn to listen to what He speaks.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

This has been reviewed some 25 times already and seems ok by now.


Thanks for sharing.

Summer Fun shared image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
647
647
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Sox and Sandals . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "Vietnam, a tale of two veterans. "  has something to do with the letter S. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Two veterans shared different stories about the war. One was rendered deaf by the mortars the other spoke about the infirmary lines for STDs.

*Quill*Commentary

The British did not fight in Vietnam considering it an unwinnable and unprofitable war from the beginning because of the determination of the natives to secure their freedom. They well knew the cost of such insurgencies though they did win won against the communists in Malaya for instance. But that was different as the vast majority of people did not side with the Communists.

Today's soldiers are better looked after but still catch STDs and gain permanent injuries as a result of their service. Like you I thank them for that service. The way that American soldiers returning from Vietnam were often treated was disgraceful they were just doing their duty in terrible circumstances. It was not the soldier's fault that it was an unwinnable war.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None I spotted.


Thanks for sharing.

Summer Fun shared image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
648
648
Review of Born to Die  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, sindbad . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "Born to Die"  has something to do with the letter S. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A soldier is going back to a war zone. He prepares as if he is going to die there and has a message for each of those he loves. There is no need for tears - he is a soldier born to die.

*Quill*Commentary

The Russians used to send fresh troops into battle against the Nazis without guns. Just run with the rest of them and when a man with a gun is shot take his gun they would say. The indifference to casualties in the human waves they sent over at the enemies meant that millions of Russian soldiers died. In the battle of the Somme in WW1 British troops were ordered to march in line rather than run and were mowed down by the tens of thousands because of the stupidity of their generals and their outdated tactics from other wars. So maybe this was the attitude towards soldiers in the past, But now there are far fewer and they are far better trained. It is a massive loss of investment for the military to lose men. When commanders send troops into battle these days they want their troops to come back and their tactics reflect that. They wear camouflage, use cover and every extra means at their disposal to make that happen. Soldiers are not born to die but to win.

That said there is always a risk in battle and it is a good policy to be ready to face your Maker. I have heard it said that some soldiers lay down their lives before the battle and pray that they get them back at the end. If they survive they offer a prayer of thanks for being given their life back. But their actions in the battle are determined by training not the fear of something they have already willingly sacrificed.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I was unsure about the capitalization of relations. These were not used as names in context and so should have been in lower case. e.g. Mom, Brother, etc.

Also, why is Born to Die in caps.


Thanks for sharing.

Summer Fun shared image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
649
649
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Sumojo . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "I don’t want to go back"  has something to do with the letter S. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A child does not want to return to school. He is negotiating with his parents and trying to persuade his mum with a list of all the good things that will happen if he is allowed to stay home.

*Quill*Commentary

At the end of the Summer term last year when my children were still not vaccinated we were having these discussions. Going back to school was still not compulsory and my kids knew this. At that time we erred on the side of caution and allowed them to stay home. We had seen no obvious disadvantage in terms of grades with them staying home. But now it is compulsory again as it is I suspect with this child. He offers all his best arguments to his mum but she has no choice but to send him back so the effort is wasted.

It is cool that the child is so aware of what good patterns are and all the good things that he could be doing to help his mum and to be a good student. But so also in this poem is the fear of the other kids who might be bullying him. Obviously, the best thing is to confront his fears and get them in a proper perspective. Bullying can also occur online these days so whether you are physically in school or not does always matter.

Anyway, overall I found this amusing and topical and it flowed well.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Would a kid say mean as a toad?

How many kids go for jogs?


Thanks for sharing.

Summer Fun shared image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
650
650
Review of FIRST WATCH  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Bradley G. Patterson . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "FIRST WATCH"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Five Crow's nests surround a Sports stadium that has become the Sanctuary. The story takes place in one of these with an interaction between Nita the sharpshooter with the better rifle and Collin. Nita might have been pretty in the old world from before. But she was a hard-ass now.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Plot, Characters

It is unclear what the threat out there is. Maybe some kind of plague or Zombification. But nothing is allowed in from the outside. They have gone for total lockdown over herd immunity here. I wondered how they dealt with birds and insects and even earthworms.

The characters seemed real enough with Nita jaded by the monotony and the stress of her role and responsibility. I wondered how Collin could be such a rookie if this limited pool of people have been trapped for seven years now?

It is hard to see a resolution in such a fortress mentality. How long will they guard this place, when will they know it is safe to come out into the wider world?

The piece is pregnant with questions as to the nature of the threat, what is being done to resolve it, are there others around the world that are also in Sanctuaries, can they be networked with?

The story is focused on the experience of the soldiers in one of the crow's nests and seemed quite authentic.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

crows nest - genitive form crow's nest

Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1,311 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 53 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luminementis/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/26