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2,435 Public Reviews Given
2,435 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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601
601
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Sandra J Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "A Mother Remembers" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Love letters were burned. Only messages from the children were kept.

*Quill*Commentary

The poem suggests these are the memories of a mother but the poem suggests that the kids Doug and Rick were writing to their father.

The poem provokes a lot of questions.
The letters suggest the father is absent and that the children will not actually be with him at Christmas time and will indeed only see him next year. So are these grown-up kids living away? Is the dad on military service? Why are these a mother's memories when she is not mentioned? So the letters were held ever near but not the children?

She seems to have considered all her other relationships to have been a waste compared to those with her children.

Age and experience lend perspective. Burning love letters from people where the romance came to nothing might give a sense of closure and affirm choices for a better, wiser lifestyle.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

In the sentences of your poem you capitalize mid-sentence inconsistently:

Capitalized:

Only a couple from Doug and Rick,
That I have saved from the fiery pit.

Not Capitalized:

Merry Christmas to you and
we'll see you next year!"


Thanks for sharing.

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602
602
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello, SilverMoon Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Appreciating our Gifts" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

How appreciative are we of each other? How much time, energy and feedback do we devote to each other? Are we being honest? Are we trapped in a difficult or stressful situation? Are we facing the consequences of our choices? Are we respectful to others? Is death the only way we can find peace? Are we happy with our lives and for having met those we love? Are we nurturing those relationships? All our works may have earned us a friend and were therefore not wasted. Every experience teaches us something.


*Quill*Commentary

This was a rather jumbled and disorganized collection of thoughts ostensibly focused on thankfulness and appreciation of others but actually expressing a world view and questions about reality.

The basic sentiment that we should be more outward focused spending more time, energy, and feedback on others is a good one and one that I share. As you say this is a choice that we can repeatedly make.

I will comment on the worldview that is expressed here. Since you refer to the bible I will do this from my own Christian perspective. You suggest the truth is something you value so I will give you honest feedback.

You talk about thankfulness but never refer to God who gives life, sustains it, and holds us accountable for our lives. So your account was mainly secular and therefore unable to answer many of the questions it raised about peace for example. Death is a punishment for sin but our sins can be forgiven and by way of resurrection we will live forever. Peace is not the absence of life but rather a state of being that comes from being in perfect harmony with God.

Your focus here is on finding personal value in living for others. But it is in living for God that we truly find the spiritual resources to continually outpour positive love and truth into other people's lives. This gives a meaning that lasts beyond this life also. People who try to give without this spiritual life-giving relationship with God ultimately burn out and their efforts come to nothing.

I found a lot of questions here but no really viable answers, but thanks for the questions.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

All which is an influence on my choices. - All of which is an influence on my choices.

consistant. - consistent.


Thanks for sharing.

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603
603
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, THANKFUL SONALI Magical Days! Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Twing, Twang, Twung" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An absurd story about shrinking shoes, flat tires on borrowed bicycles, and teeth tormented by bubble gum are all the experiences of a two socked, one shoed dentist.

*Quill*Commentary

So how do you mark a deliberately absurd story? I guess the whole assessment of plausibility flies out of the window straight away. Nonsense does not need to be true nor even obey literary rules.

But this was entertaining and funny and the image of the dentist seated by the roadside yelling at his neighbor's bike with only one shoe on is going to stick a while.

You reinforced all my prejudices against dentists and a culture where they get paid for the amount of work and expense they inflict inside your mouth. I have never had a filling and guard my teeth against dentists by not eating copious amounts of bubble gum.

This was absurd and funny, thanks.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Dad here is not used as a name but to express relationship so a common noun, not a proper noun e.g.

The patient's Dad - dad


Thanks for sharing.

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604
604
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Redtowrite Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Some Thoughts on "White" Privilege" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A white girl grows up in a different world and time when blacks and white had separate bathrooms and you never saw a black man on the front end of a business in the white world. It is a story of Southern inequality and prejudice experienced by a Yankee family that did not have a black maid nor pay less of a wage to a black man than they would to a white. It is the world mourned in the film Gone for the Wind and celebrated by the man who took a Confederate Flag into the Capitol Building recently. It is a world exposed in songs by Bob Dylan and smashed by the Civil Rights movement and its martyrs. A world of white privilege.

*Quill*Commentary

As you said in your description this is indeed topical right now. You describe a world quite alien to me. I had a black friend I would play chess and squash with for example. He would beat me at both and I wanted to be as good as he was at those things. But I grew up in Britain. Slavery was outlawed here in the 12th century and even though slaves appeared in the 18th century for a time with the empire the abolitionists made sure this was not a permanent feature of our society in the early nineteenth century. People were still racist here but the experience was different and the inequality was not as deeply entrenched.
Black maids, in your account, might not be slaves as they receive a wage to pay their bus fares with and bring up their own neglected families. Nonetheless, they seemed a very strong echo of the servile nature of black people vis a vis white people in the Southern States.

Theologically it is an impossible thing to justify such institutionalized racism though I have heard people try using the language of separation from the book of Ezra to justify this. But Christians live under a different covenant and white guys are not Jews nor a people set apart. Being made in God's image, equally saved by a brown Jesus, and sharing the hope of a future with Him should erode these prejudices but it seems religion in the South often reinforces it instead with black only and white only churches.

When people say the South will rise again, that sounds quite ugly to me and summons up images of black guys in chain gangs while white aristocrats posture and gossip at formal parties. Gone with the Wind was a great film expressing the romance of the old Southern dream but it was abstracted from the realities on which that society was built.

I was interested that this prejudice was not money-related. Even the poorest white guy could feel superior and protected by his skin color while black guys like Ahmaud Arbery get shot while jogging by armed white guys who cannot tell one black guy from another and think they are all thieves.

It seems that even today this is an ongoing issue. The BLM protests with the pictures of burning cars and despoiled properties seem only to reinforce the prejudices of the whites about black people. But they also express such a deep resentment and denial of opportunity that I understand why they occur. Black people are waking up to the fact that they are equal to white people even though the wealth and privilege remain solidly concentrated in white people's hands.

It is quite frightening how deep the prejudice still runs and how high the dividing wall of hostility still is. It makes some sense to me of the American hostility to immigrants right now. In such a divided society the tribalism of whites, blacks, and Hispanics is still entrenched.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

They told me,“You ain’t nothing but a nigger loving yankee. - They told me, “You ain’t nothing but a nigger loving Yankee. (Yankee is a proper noun)

lightening bugs - Lightning

Wa ate at - We ate at

we parked in back - we parked out back OR we parked in the back

where many black businesses where - where many black businesses were


Thanks for sharing.

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605
605
Review of Quondam  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Sumojo Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Quondam" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A short 24 syllable poem built around the word quondam meaning erstwhile or former.

She had a soulmate, someone she loved, but they left it too late and now he is in heaven above.

*Quill*Commentary

I must admit words like "quondam" really annoy me. No one knows what they mean unless they have some obscure knowledge of Latin or walk around with a dictionary in their pocket. It sounds pretentious when people use such words in normal life because they then require that you ask what they meant. So it often sounds like a smart alec parading his jargon or protecting his territory with his own private language.

But in this context, you have used it to describe a unique person in your life. A special word is needed to describe what they meant and that irreplaceable quality now lost. So here a rarely used but precise word is used to describe a former soulmate. Others must make an effort to connect to it but that word fits now that they are gone. In this sense, the word expresses closure on that relationship with a special goodbye.

I liked this poem and I learned a new word.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Syllable count was 5,6,6,7 = 24

Should it have been 6666 to be perfect?


Thanks for sharing.

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606
606
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, isokarifrancis Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "QUOTES AND WORDS OF WISDOM" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

If we experience problems upsetting the smooth outworking of our plans we should persevere. Such things test our ability to persuade others to carry on.


*Quill*Commentary

This might make sense in some contexts and not in others.

It makes sense for a project manager or CEO faced with problems, rebellions, and grumblings amongst his workforce for instance. It makes sense for Moses in the wilderness leading a bunch of rebels to the promised land. But he also persuaded with things like the ground opening up and swallowing his enemies and by taking the sword to those who worshipped the golden calf. Or can persuasion include these nonverbal techniques also?

It does not work in an IT context where the hitches might reveal flaws in the fundamental concept, poor coding, deficient hardware, or a host of other things that words alone are not going to fix.

The general message of perseverance is when all around you are being fed to lions or burnt at the stake. When a mad emperor is burning down your neighborhood and blaming this on you is one that works for me though it may result in no big payoff in this life.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You spelled your twelve words perfectly. But maybe you could have made the same point with just ten words:

Hitches test the efficacy of your persuasive prowess. Relent not! or if you prefer your version then you probably need to add a "the":

Hitches bring to the test the efficacy of your persuasive prowess. Relent not!


Thanks for sharing.

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607
607
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Joto-Kai Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Notes from a Muse II" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Jim's muse might be more than just a creative type dropping wonderful ideas into Jim's head. She might also be a practical type able to aid with the whole of his life. But she needs to be given the chance to flourish across the broad spectrum of Jim's life. He recommends you try the same with your own live-in imaginary friend.

*Quill*Commentary

The whole muse thing goes back to the Greeks I guess, then getting revived in the Renaissance. But really she is just an imaginary friend. I do not know why it is necessary to believe in her at all. Maybe she could be an angel or a demon but either way, human beings have enough going on to define their own creative process. Ideas have a way of coming through from our subconscious at all times of the day and night and a handy notebook can record the best of them with a little discipline. However, the creativity flow works, and whatever or whomever it is a response to, it should be something integrated into the whole of your life and not just the bit compartmentalized off for writing though. Spirit and soul are in essence holistic, not modularised, and as such composed of smaller components. There was a discussion about this theme on my newsfeed today. Should writing be fun or is it something goal-orientated? In practice, it is a little bit of both but I suspect that the people who burn out doing it must have methodologies that are not integrated into their wider life and experiences. They have automated something that has to be human to work and to connect to others, they have become so detached from the plots and words they are responsible for that they no longer have any energy or inspiration for the creative process.

This is another reason why I do not believe AIs will ever supplant authors. They may be able to identify key marketable themes and fill in templates that work as plots to cover those themes, borrowing prepackaged characters from history and the Metaverse and then blend in impactful methods and scenes those characters might participate in. But they will never have the human connection, creativity, and moral compass to articulate real reasons why this novel/film should be written at all and why people should read/watch it. There needs to be a reason to write and ultimately the best reasons are human ones: feeding a family, expressing a feeling, articulating a vision of how things could be, making sense of an experience whether painful or joyful... etc., etc.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

In the past I've sounded off - In the past, I've sounded off


Thanks for sharing.

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608
608
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "This World Without God" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

What would a world without God look like? Would it look like chaos, or like hell, would evil be free to cross all boundaries killing all?

*Quill*Commentary

Actually, a world without God would not look like anything. It could not exist in the first place and the balance between its elemental forces could not be maintained. Also, our capacity as beings made in God's image, to view the universe would not exist and so we would stare at it like dumb brutes. If God died the universe would not just break and dissipate it would cease to exist at all.

The Deist alternative of a universe set in motion by God but then allowed to run according to the laws and intelligence he programmed into it also does not work. It also tends to chaos, evil, and ultimately destruction. But it also implies that a God of love who took such pleasure in the act of creation could ignore His creatures. The Christian understanding of the incarnation of the sacrifice of the cross is a radical rebuke of Deistic thinking. God is with us but so also we have things to learn in a world where evil and the forces of dissolution and chaos and real and active in our lives.

This was a provocative poem that used the competition's words well. But it only really scratched the surface of the questions that it raised.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Its feeding on your flesh. - It's feeding on your flesh.

it sacrifices Earth, and sky. - If you are talking about the Earth as in a noun then it should be capitalized. But in context, this reads more like earth and sky. As in earth, water, sky, fire, and spirit - the five elementals of the ancient world.


Thanks for sharing.

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609
609
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Sumojo Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "A walk in the forest." Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

They were visiting their son when then daughter called to say that their dog Mitzy had had an accident. The dog had to be put down and he missed the chance to say goodbye...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I was not sure what taboo words you were avoiding maybe "like" which you replaced with "It was as if."

You built the mood really well and described the contexts well. The story even sounded plausible up until the end.

My reaction to the punchline was an emotional "how cool," as I also have lost a pet and know what it is like to see them everywhere even when I know they are no longer there. But then I thought "Yeah right!" Maybe it was a dog that looked like Mitzy which you wanted to believe was her. I do believe in pet salvation when the pet owners are themselves saved and the pet was loved though.

You dragged me into the drama either way and I thought this was superbly written.

My favorite line:

After a while she cocked her head, as if a master in another realm was calling her. Giving me one last look, she turned and walked off into the mist.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You used British/Australian English.

emphasising our loss . - extra space before full stop


Thanks for sharing.

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610
610
Review of A Feast of Hunger  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, 🌖 HuntersMoon Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "A Feast of Hunger" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

They were hungry for each other when they met, exchanging vows and bursting with rich dreams. Hearts have been wounded by the years and the yearnings for each other have diminished. So much seems to have gone wrong. But as he drifts off he rediscovers the hunger for what could have been, if only it were not for his sins. He wakes to see her and in her embrace, the hunger fades and finally he understands.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So you have this food theme and this romance theme. Maybe they started with gourmet meals and now eat crumbs sort of thing. But then there is the play on the hunger they feel for each other which is transformed by pain, missed opportunity, and the years and yet still endures.

So the lover speaks of his beloved, of a mature relationship damaged by the years. Yet he finds new reasons to love and a new hunger that makes up for the deficiencies of the last years with all their pains and struggles.

From the sound of it, the beloved was there through all the trials, mistakes, and missed opportunities to build better and love more intensely. The hunger that comes when he considers the deficiencies of the way he has handled the romance is also a part of their shared bond. They made mistakes together, are still together and that is alright and the pains can still be forgotten when together.

It would be so easy to despair of love and yet it endures. It would be tempting to suggest that all yearning fades with time and struggle and yet new kinds of hunger recall the unity that has not faded and still endures. Yet even his mistakes and missed opportunities can bind lovers back together and that itself testifies to the oneness that was easy to see in early years and is still there when the sight for it has grown dim. Together they can face even their own history without hunger or despair.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Perfectly written


Thanks for sharing.

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611
611
Review of Bar None  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, M. S. Bird Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Bar None" Open in new Window. via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A man goes into a bar. The bartender seems to know him and what he drinks and the place looks familiar but he knows no names. He recognises a man whom he describes as a monster but does not say his name. But in this bar everyone must get on as it is just a waiting area between...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Only the bartender is named in this place with the odd name of Place. All other names exist outside the bar. The man who stars here was a woman with a sad life called Leah before he came in. Another man was a monster in the life that he was in previously.

The impersonality would fit souls between names and between lives I suppose but raises the question why the bartender did have a name. Also if there was such a difference between lives, such as gender for example, how come they always got the same drink?

I was trying to figure out what kind of religious outlook would fit this scenario best. Probably transmigration of souls without any kind of gender identity to the soul. The stopping place between lives smelt like Piss and Beer which sounded a little sensual in the circumstances. Disembodied souls do not have senses after all. I wondered how this whole scenario would work with couples though. Would they have to die together to live together next time round for instance. The whole endless wheel of existence also sounded a little wearisome much as the Hindus interpret Samsara.

So from my perspective this was fantasy supernatural as opposed to real supernatural as there is no such thing as reincarnation.

But it was well written and you engaged your readers very well bringing them into this bar with you and then chatting with the bartender. You set the scene well and provoked meaningful questions with this piece also.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Most of the flags came up in dialogue where there is more license. But you might want to check your commas.

Thanks for sharing.

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612
612
Review of Ghosted Memoirs  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Beholden Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Ghosted Memoirs" Open in new Window. via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A ghostwriter is sent to the house of an old colonel to help write up his memoirs. But it seems that somewhere along the line spectral wires might have gotten crossed...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Colonel Sir Percival Archibald Matlock Bertram OBE DSO is a very impressive name and he does have one of those fancy pull-down bells for the front door of his border-line manor AND he has a Butler called Jenkins. Sounds like an officer that came from money as no colonels salary would pay for this and he talks like a posh ex-public schoolboy to boot.

Really this story is a word game with the word ghost. Ghost-Platoon, Ghost-Writer...

You made me laugh even though the plot here is utterly implausible. Does one physically publish ghost books and on what kind of printing press is that done? What? Or are the texts purely virtual/spectral/other-worldly, old boy? How do you pay ghosts, they have no physical needs so money seems redundant, yet here is one working for a company. Do ghosts even exist at all? You are saved from the implausibility factor by putting it in the comedy genre however and you did make me laugh.

I liked the way that you built up the image of the colonel and his home. He was not an aristocrat but his titles and posh accent and house were on the fringe of that high society.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You used British English and I noticed you used Afrikaner slang (katunda) for kit. I was wondering where you heard a military man use that word. I have heard South-African Afrikaner white military (apartheid-era) use words like that though not that one and I understand it was in the Rhodesian military vocab, maybe due to the contact they had with South African military types, but never British military, though I might be wrong and I guess it might hinge on when you date your piece and where his military experience was.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of The Library Lady  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Mara ♣ McBain Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "A Unmarked Grave" Open in new Window. via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Kasey is only nine years old but already her life is full of too much pain. Now living with her disabled and impoverished grandmother after her mother deserted her she has found a happy place in the local library with Tricia. But when she does not show up to the party Tricia is worried, where can Kasey be?...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Kasey is a wonderful character, mixing a heartbreaking tale of desertion and difficult circumstances with a love of books and a feeling of having found something resembling a family in the library with Tricia and the staff there. She is the kind of person who somehow you know will be loved despite her background and will achieve something significant as she overcomes the brokenness from which she came. But that does not things easy for her right now in the context of your immediate story where tragedy is heaped on previous pain and she is left alone in this world yet again. Well, alone that is until Tricia hugs and brings her into a world into which she also was once welcomed. Life goes full circle and we have the hope that things will work out.

Congratulations on being published. The piece definitely tugs at the heartstrings.

I do think there are some mechanical errors here though even though some occur inside dialogue where the rules can be more flexible. They still jar a little and I wonder if people would have actually spoken them like that.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You are missing a few prepositions and other words.

his crisp Deputy's uniform no costume . his crisp Deputy's uniform was no costume

I had phenomenal response - I had a phenomenal response

A couple different groups - A couple of different groups

and a couple comfy lap throws - and a couple of comfy lap throws


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of The Painter  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, CMBaker Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Painter" Open in new Window. via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

God must have had a really good dream last night to paint such a beautiful dawn sky. For the lonely commuter driving through the cold and the snow, this gift was a glimpse of heaven that he would never forget.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Many who believe have had moments like this when the sky itself seems like a personal message of exquisite beauty from God Himself. There is a place in the mountains here in Germany that I visit frequently and I have a bike down there to get to work when I am there. Every morning I climb this hill on my bike often arriving as dawn is breaking at the summit. Every time the sky is different, different colors and patterns, utterly unique and always beautifully compelling. At that time in the morning, there is rarely anyone else there and as you expressed so well in your poem it feels like a personal message as there are no other witnesses to it.

This poem resonated, thanks.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You used the word pastel twice.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Pitter Patter  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, Peremos Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Pitter Patter" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A nightmare of a horrible beast besides the bed reaching out for its food...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So this beast poised to strike and kill its prey seems to have a bit of an identity crisis on the way. Rather than clawing you immediately, it decides to claw at itself and to make itself thereby even more frightening.

So glad you were able to open your eyes before it got down to the real business at hand.

It seemed that the creature personified your deepest fears but the switch that turned it off was a decision to live, an act of will. If only the fears of the real world could also be so destroyed by a simple choice.

There were some mechanical issues with this piece.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

evermore - ever more

claws at the edge my bed - claws at the edge of my bed

it's own hand - its own hand

I, am food - I am food

these raw emotions of mine, they are overflowing
- these raw emotions of mine are overflowing

Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Applause  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello, THANKFUL SONALI Magical Days! Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Applause" Open in new Window. via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A house that is really a circus is the host of eight human animals, two cats, and a dog. The occupants are entirely motivated by applause and perform tricks to gain that. When a new female comes along to mate with one of the male occupants she is denied the opportunity of applause because she is too honest and has not mastered tricks. But the false accusation of a servant for a stolen necklace allows her the opportunity to grab the limelight and demonstrate her secretly cultivated tricks after all. But who is this anonymous female who beat the odds to gain a few claps?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This was all very cryptic. Clearly, you were talking to an audience but was it your readers here or somewhere else? This is a story of one woman's fight for recognition and liberation from the social consensus and stupidity that kept her in her cage.

Human beings are not animals though we share similarities.

Who was giving the applause, was it all internal to the house or were they putting on shows for the neighborhood?

You write well and I did not find any major mechanical issues.

This was a good piece but I found it too obscure and was put off by the idea that people are just animals.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

in to - into


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hello, Graham B. Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "And They Spread their Wings" Open in new Window. via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Dobry is the boy that is meant to feed the pigs but hasn't. Zaty is a pig farmer/healer who knows various tricks with trickleroot to keep pigs healthy. Janne is a pig farmer who has sick pigs and has come looking for help. Lord Kroll is the big boss with a fortress on Gronnsmeier Peak. He takes a lot of the pigs each year to feed his armies. It seems he executed Hieron Zatyas's husband for a crime he did not commit. Janne is trying to insight Zatya to lead the revolution against Kroll. Jaji seems to be a winged pig and a favorite of Dobry. But will Zatya join the revolution?...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The story seemed like an effort to link "if pigs could fly" and a revolution against armored men in a fortress. The motives of injustice and heavy taxation of their livestock seemed likely to motivate a revolution. Dobry's father had been executed and his grandfather had died in a pointless war.

But if the pigs had been cropped how could they spread their wings to reach for freedom? How could pigs with wings be farmed at all if they had the option to escape?

There were a few mechanical issues in this story.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Zatia is also called Zatya and Aunt Zaty.

stye - sty

which brought - that brought

Janne who owned a stead - Janne owned a place

imbedded - embedded


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of JUNO  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, starchild Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "JUNO" Open in new Window. via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A much beloved dog Juno was the author's pet. He had a toy monkey called Mowgli. After Juno died and was buried strange things occurred which seemed to suggest that Juno was still looking out for his family...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Ghost dogs and gas leaks are described here in an almost plausible way and it seems that whatever occurred that night saved your lives.

This piece was a little short but quite charming.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Even though your piece was short it might have been better to break it up into paragraphs to aid readability.

Missing commas in various places and the below issues also:

floppy ears and the black snuby nose - floppy ears, and the black snubby nose

all pet owners fear of having to face - all pet owners fear of having to face

I could not explain my parents that feeling - I could not explain to my parents that feeling

and trying to point out to something - and trying to point out to something


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello, xxx. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I saw {item:} on the list of Sci-Fi Contest entries for last month. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Shkiana hates storms and after the death of her parents at the hands of one goes through 6 foster homes and then later seems to chew up Mindbusters (Psychologists) at the same rate. Then she gets trapped on a superstorm planet Konnus that seems to wreck every spaceship that goes there leaving the people stranded. The latest batch of researchers have been shipwrecked to join the others that live just 5 miles away just as the largest ever superstorm is brewing on Konnus.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

The marriage of Shkianas fears and experiences of storms with her eventual fate of being stranded on planet Konnus was interesting. Also, the true identity of the visitors seems intriguing and the real reason for their visit to the planet and with the planet's reaction could make for an expandable and interesting plot.

That said the plot was a little confusing in places and repetitious and you need to work on the way it all hangs together and to translate the images in your head into something your readers will be able to grasp. I am not sure you did that here.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

But your family is dead - are dead

“I’m not surprised. You are the sixth New Parents to take me in.”

Mnathan leans forward in his chair. “Six New Parents in eight years. Are your nightmares the reason why you have had so many parents?”

The logical end for the section is with "take me in." But then you introduce this completely new character Mnathan with no preamble or explanation of how he fits in the context. Then he appears in the next section five years later. So I guess the section header is in the wrong place.

There is a lot of repetition

The ending seems to suggest that Shkiana was not told how the other "researchers" got here or what they were but she clearly was told these things earlier in the story. She concludes from her misunderstanding that the real meaning that these people came to the planet remains mysterious.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Night Owl  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, AliceLvs2Write Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Night Owl" Open in new Window. via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

So the owl Grey here is watching the man Wes Putman who is a struggling writer in a lonely cabin. Wes's thought life was dominated by the death of his son Charlie. Wes soldiers on. The Park Ranger Duncan Calderon befriends him and visits. Grey remembers having his wing fixed up by him. He feasts on a rodent, but then he notices that Wes has had an accident. Can the owl bring help in time, can he help to save him from the deeper emotional pit that Wes has fallen into also


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

An interesting anthropomorphization of an owl's inner thought life. I found the first line ambiguous as I was not sure if you were talking about an existential crisis the owl was going through or Wes Putman.

The owl's a hunter who's been slightly disturbed by the return of the man but seems to like people as the Park Ranger fixed his wing so he helps out and saves Wes's life physically and emotionally when he falls into his pit. Now Wes has something to write about something that his lost son would have connected to and a perfect character for a children's book for his editor Veld. I liked the way that the owl ended up being the answer for the physical dilemma by bringing help and the emotional one by providing inspiration. Not to mention the fact he kept the vermin under control around the log cabin.

My main reservation with this and the other entries is the degree of plausibility of attributing so much of an active thought life to a bird. In practice, we know how big their brains are and how they pretty much follow their programming.

But enjoyed your story and you deserved your prize. There were a few mechanical issues with the story also.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

But he had reason for his tardiness. - But he had a reason for his tardiness.
the park Ranger - The Park Ranger
Boy I'd give anything - Boy, I'd give anything


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Dave Author IconMail Icon. This is a November Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Art of Reviewing Poetry" Open in new Window. via the Super Reviewer Group List. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Dave reviews the art of reviewing poetry. He stresses the importance of a good title and how compelling the imagery of the poem is whether literal or figurative. He looks at rhyming and repetition of lines structures and patterns. Do the rhyme or repetition and the choice of words add to the composition and what the poet is trying to say. Is there a lyrical or tonal quality to the words? How should punctuation be used, lines constructed and stanzas organized? Is the form appropriate and accurately followed? Even free verse is portrayed as carefully constructed with a view to maximizing its impact and to avoid the accusation of being nothing better than chopped-up prose pretending to be poetry. There is the question of theme and why the poet chose it and then finally there is the overall impression and the emotional response that it evokes.

*Quill*Commentary

Wow, you have really thought this through. I am far from a trained poet myself but I enjoy writing what I always thought was poetry to express feelings and connect important things that are happening or which I am thinking about to those feelings. The expression has to work and you get a feel for what worked and what did not. Also, other people come along and say Nah or Wow to give you an idea. But I think you are on a whole other level when it comes to analyzing poems. An amateur like myself can get a little overwhelmed by all these styles and forms and indeed by experts like yourself and they can feel like straitjackets rather than the aids to learning and expression that you portray them to be here. Make it too complicated and it can be a discouragement to write anything down at all.

But this was all well researched and clearly informed by a lifetime of thoughtful experience and appreciation of poetry. You put it together very well and clearly expressed what you wanted to say.

That said I am not sure it will change the way I actually engage with poetry. Poetry is like a happy place where I go to try and work through thoughts and feelings in chaos, or a deluge of events. I try to find a way of coping with them in the words and usually come to some kind of resolution and expression that either works or does not.

Also, I think the meaning of a poem is often the most important thing. It is not just a theme it is the difference between something of eternal value and worth and something destined to an early grave.

Thanks for giving me so much food for thought, maybe I should read this again in ten years' time. Maybe by then, I will have grown to accept and recognize the wisdom expressed here.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

the poet uses words which paint pictures - that paint pictures

for development of voice, tone, pace - for the development of voice, tone, pace


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of The Answer  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Sum1 Author IconMail Icon. This is a November Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Answer" Open in new Window. via the Super Reviewer Group List. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The story is focused on a telephone friendship that developed between Nick and Sara following the events of 911. Sara started the conversation thinking she was phoning Rick. Nick helps her develop her career but after 15 years maybe it is time to meet...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I liked the theme that something good came out of the ruins of 911. The big idea here also of uploaded consciousness was also intriguing and could be developed in so many directions should you ever wish to write a larger work on this theme.

I guess today online romances are more common than ever and there was an authenticity about the dialog and the feelings there. I liked both the star characters who were attractive in different ways.

POV shifts from Nick to Sara in mid-conversation which is a little jarring. Maybe you needed sections to make these shifts.

Personally, I think that our humanity has an intimate connection with the hardware of our bodies and that simply uploading the software of who we are to the cloud would not work in practice. There would be a disconnect with the person that we were. Our disembodied consciousness would be homeless without bodies and would go mad without the boundaries they give to our identities. But if a person could perfectly duplicate the hardware of a human body then a real resurrection would be possible. I do not believe that mankind is even close to the level of biochemical engineering and understanding required here. It remains the purview of the Divine.

Given the size of this piece the mechanical errors only cost you half a star with the other half star lost for reservations about the plausibility of the concept.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I am not brilliant on commas but my grammar tool went crazy about yours. It might be worth reviewing their usage.

he needed to spend of lot of time - he needed to spend a lot of time

in to - into

‘invisible man’, - ‘invisible man,’

I-Pod - iPod

I-Pad - iPad


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Mary Ann MCPhedran Author IconMail Icon. This is a November Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Come With Me Beneath The Sea." Open in new Window. via the Super Reviewer Group List. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Come with the author to explore a world of color and beauty beneath the waters of the sea. Here lie gardens of plants and greenery where exotic fish swim.

*Quill*Commentary

I liked the idea of going under the sea to see a world of beauty and color that God has created.

In the age of strip mining, the seabed by various types of trawler net that has wrecked coral and turned sea gardens into deserts the no fishing hook line did not work for me.

This line bugged me:

Lies Gods' favourite scenery.

God has created so much beauty in this universe, so much that we have not even begun to witness and experience on other worlds, so much on the land surface of our own planet, in the words of scriptures, in the worship songs of the saints I could not prioritize his appreciation as you have done here.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

There are little things like the use of 4 dots rather than three in to be in....

Also, the use of full stops designates sentences that often lack subjects which spoilt the flow for me. Maybe just getting rid of them entirely would work better.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of I dream Montana  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Kåre เลียม Enga Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "I dream Montana" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poem about Montana.

*Quill*Commentary

Clouds glower at mountain ridges; stop,
then lift their veils of rain and pass.

Awesome descriptive power *Smile*

Sounds like a happy place where the streams of human plight cannot drown you in their sorrows.

I have little critical to say here as it was extremely well done. A few extra lines would indeed have been a welcome addition and the inspiration stops at the borders of the land and sky.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Not a chance.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of The Mona Lisa  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, MissArlisse Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "The Mona Lisa" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poem about the Mona Lisa named after Lisa Gherardini wife of Francesco del Giocondo. It notices the missing eyebrows, wonders if she was pregnant at the time and whether the father of the child was her husband. Despite the attribution of adultery, she is regarded as classy and slightly mysterious.


*Quill*Commentary

Lisa del Giocondo, an Italian noblewoman, had five children and was about 24 when this picture was started. She was 38 when Da Vinci stopped working on it. The accusation of unfaithfulness is unwarranted and amounts to nothing better than gossipy speculation and especially in the highly religious context of her times. Florence was near the center of the artistic world of that era and the home of Da Vinci one of the all-time greats.

I was in the Louvre 2 weeks ago and saw this painting then. The queues were enormous even despite the Pandemic. The painting is intriguing as is the uninhabited background. She appears quite lonely in the context even though a woman with children, she was married to a much older man. That Da Vinci could take an ordinary woman and lend so much mystery and intrigue to her is an example of his genius. Though the picture was commissioned by her family he never gave it to them. Maybe because it was no longer completely her after he had worked on it for so many years but rather a product of his rich imagination.

Your poem reminded me of laughing and chattering girls, in the queue in the Louvre, who were commentating on the famous picture. They were full of the occasion and the grand surroundings. They said the sort of things that everybody says about the picture but did they actually really look at it?

2.5 stars is an average mark. You lost marks for the content and also mistakes here.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

"Where had gone your brow"? - "Where have your eyebrows gone?"

You're on fine lady - Did you mean - You're one fine lady

The colors were subdued and blended and I wondered why you used the word Extravagant.


Thanks for sharing.

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