*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luminementis/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/25
Review Requests: ON
2,324 Public Reviews Given
2,324 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 21 22 23 24 -25- 26 27 28 29 30 ... Next
601
601
Review of Mischief Training  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, NeedingBeachDuf 🐠⛵🏝️ . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Mischief Training"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Giuseppe is giving some mice Survival 101 training. He teaches them to avoid the various traps that humans lay for them. He has brought them all together in a single place with one entrance. Suddenly...

*Quill*Commentary

It is ironic that Giuseppe missed the lesson of not crowding all into the same place where you could be trapped by humans. Given his experience of human brutality relating to the various traps he described perhaps he should have known better.

I found this quite funny.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The title and the content seemed at odds with each other. This was survival training, not mischief training.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
602
602
Review of Limbo  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, Sophy . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Limbo"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A male family member is dying. This is the time when there still remains uncertainty about the outcome of cancer. In many ways that is worse than the time in the beginning when it was first discovered and the time in the end when it is finally over.

*Quill*Commentary

I found this quite powerful and also very true. It is the waiting and the uncertainty which wears people down more than the diagnosis and final resolution.

Hope is overthrown continually by reality, the whole thing drags on and everything feels as if it is on hold, just waiting in a kind of limbo.

I had a relative die recently of covid. It was a similar experience albeit vastly accelerated. The diagnosis was shocking but we hoped he might pull through then there was the deterioration and expectation of almost immediate death. But then he hung on those extra days and there was the hope he might yet pull through. But then he died and it was over and it seemed kind of right in the circumstances.

Thought this was well expressed.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

No issues.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
603
603
Review of Mother-Tree  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Sophy . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Mother-Tree"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author describes a grand old Mother Tree.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I liked this.

These lines were cool:

your long graceful branches
reaching and stretching
in so many different directions
creating new branches
which create branches -
both those we see now
and those yet to come.

They gave a sense of time, past and present, and of continual growth.

Also liked the idea of leaning back against the trunk and listening to that distinctive sound of this tree, with the wind in its leaves and its own creaky noises.

Some of the oldest still living things in all creation are trees taking us back as far as we can reliably see through history.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

difficult to trod - tread


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
604
604
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, prish . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Ultimate Question"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Having watched "The Good Place" a lot the author's interest in moral philosophy has increased. In this piece, he discusses good and bad.


*Quill*Commentary

The author first discloses his fundamental assumption that people who dislike him are bad and those that do not are good. He quickly shreds this idea realizing that it is quite a narrow viewpoint. But in such a complex, diverse world who can say what is right or wrong?

He suggests that an imperfect world will always generate imperfect people. The fire we choose to put out means that another one burns untended. In an imperfect world, how can a person be good?

He then quotes two theories:
Utilitarianism - if the effect is good then it (the action or person) was good.
versus
Kant - good actions are tainted by bad methods.

The example you quoted of giving to the poor when poor yourself was not properly articulated. The utilitarian view would be that a poor person needs help. You are good if you give and not if you do not to them. But equally further impoverishing yourself is a bad end. So you would be both good and bad if you gave from a Utilitarian perspective. Kant would suggest that becoming more of a burden on others in order to help others would not be the best example of goodness in action.

Personally, I am a Christian with a bible, church, tradition, and conscience to tell me what is good and what is evil. People spend a lot of time talking about good and bad but in reality, no one is good except God and so the focus of the discussion should be upon Him. What He says is good and what He says is evil is evil. That simplifies my life quite considerably. For example, as a poor student, I always gave 10% of my income to the church and Christian causes. I do the same now even though I am richer than I was then. The discipline of giving is independent of the level of wealth. As a believer I trust in God who ultimately manages a world that is not my responsibility. I cannot save everyone, nor judge everyone but He can. He delegates stuff to me occasionally, like help this person or that one but it is up to me to say yes or no to that. It is extremely liberating to know that one's self is not the benchmark of goodness or indeed evil in the world. That is God's job and He does it better basically.

Modern nihilism and the New Atheists especially have done the world a major disservice in attempting to dissolve the reference points of our morality and indeed sanity in God. The fruit is all too clear.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Utilitarianism states that as long as the consequences to our actions are good - of our actions


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
605
605
Review of Abnormalities  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, wdwilcox. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Chapter 11: Anderson Becomes A Memory"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

In a dismal place of death, darkness, and decay the author sees a humped man who is even scarier than the City of the Dead. Who is this unspeakable menace?...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

A nightmare in which the author stars as the scariest person on the block. Very clever. This was well written, suitably dark and dismal and I loved the description of the old church clock without any hands. It kind of summarised the darkness you wished to express.

There is nothing inspirational here, no hope or light at all and I found one mistake.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

putrefication - putrefaction


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
606
606
Review of Book of Hebrews  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, a304design . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Book of Hebrews"  at random. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This is a study of Hebrews 1:1-4. It includes some general comments about the book including dating, authorship, purpose. There is a comparison between the seven ages of the Jewish view of history and the seven ages of the church (he reads Revelation in a historicist fashion). Jesus is the most complete revelation that there is of God.

*Quill*Commentary

God, who at various times and in various ways spoke in time past to the fathers by the prophets, 2 has in these last days spoken to us by His Son, whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the worlds; 3 who being the brightness of His glory and the express image of His person, and upholding all things by the word of His power, when He had by Himself purged our sins, sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, 4 having become so much better than the angels, as He has by inheritance obtained a more excellent name than they. Hebrews 1:1-4 (NKJV)

The basic message of Hebrews is that Jesus is all you need, that He is better than all the alternatives (including prophets, angels, Temple sacrifice system, and Moses), and that because of Him we have full and unrestricted access to God.

It is written in some of the best Greek in scripture in the form of a sermon and is quite unique in its structure and form. No one knows who wrote it but it had the affirmation of the apostles and is universally accepted by the church at large. Unlike with Paul, the quotes here come from the Greek Septuagint, not the Hebrew scrolls that he carried around with him. It was probably written during Nero's persecution of Christians in the mid to late sixties AD.

It is written to Jews in the Jerusalem church from Rome to a community in distress and is meant to encourage seasoned Christians who have grown weary and are now facing new challenges to persevere. The third pope Clement loved it echoing many of its verses in his own papal rebuke to the church in Corinth in 1 Clement. The first ten chapters are written in the format of doctrinal instruction and the last three as a practical exhortation to a struggling church.

As the above shows, I broadly agreed with your summary of the purpose of the book.

I notice you are using the original KJV with old words like "Sundry" which is a good translation but no longer the best and most refined translation as it uses archaic English and does not have access to the full range of source manuscripts now available. The NKJV and indeed NRSV are better. The most accurate but not necessarily the best to read is the NASB. This is a controversial topic in itself but is important in this discussion.

You put an enormous amount of weight on this one word "Sundry" and then graft in an interpretation of the seven ages of the Jews and church on top of it. This is nowhere to be found in the passage this exposition is about though and so it undermines your expressed intent to explain this passage.

Also, not everyone accepts the notion that the seven-day week of the Jews can be translated into seven literal ages nor a historicist reading of the first chapters of Revelation regarding the seven churches that translates into seven church ages. Since this was controversial it could not merely be asserted as a given as you did. Since it was irrelevant to the main meaning of the passage it was unclear why you did this anyway.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Missing commas.

forward for Christ to return - forward to Christ returning

The reality of the 7 church ages then gave an added importance to the 7 Jewish ages - The reality of the 7 church ages then gave an added importance to the 7 Jewish ages

The words and thoughts I will share listed below are my opinion - plural thoughts and words so must be opinions, not opinion singular.

angles - angels


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
607
607
Review of Jasmine  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Purple Princess . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Jasmine"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Jasmine is being forced into an arranged marriage by her father the king who apparently decided this while drunk. She is determined to sabotage his intent and get out of this. Then the door is opened to the castle and she sees...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Jasmin sounds rightly peeved at an arrangement over which she has no say. No details have been given as to why this marriage was planned beyond the fact that her father got drunk. She is given no details about who it is. One wonders given her reaction to Aladdin if her father had in fact given her exactly what she wanted but had tested her loyalty also to her royal responsibilities and role in the way that she was led to her husband.

This was well written and seems to have had a good ending. Jasmin grows through distrust to find wisdom in her father's choice that might after all be acceptable to her also.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

None.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
608
608
Review of A Good Day to Die  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello, Graywriter . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Good Day to Die"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Rudd wants to marry Sarai. But first, he wants to kill the forest cat. This is a feat that no one else has accomplished yet is somehow so important to Rudd that he is prepared to risk his life to achieve it on his wedding day. He smells the cat before he finds it and then...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So it is Rudd against the cat with Sarai as the incentive and prize he wants to return to. The hunter sounded plausible and you brought your reader effectively into the forest with him on his hunt. The kill was also plausible as he managed to approach it from downwind and get his arrow away before being mauled to death.

I liked the play on: good day to be a man; good day to die; good day to be alive, setting the emotional context for the encounter.

He kills the cat, gets the girl, and overcomes his fears, achieving something no one else has ever done. So a good day indeed for Rudd.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Your first sentence reads:
Rudd stalked through the moss-cluttered forest, his senses alert. - I found that a puzzling image. Moss is a shade of green on a busy chaotic mass of vegetation and trees in a forest. Usually, it is less about cluttering than smoothing over conflicting colors and surfaces. A carpet over broken branches.

saphire - sapphire

backwards - backward

Rudd's breath was slowing.He space before He

Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
609
609
Review of Hail Britannia  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello, Oldwarrior I found "Hail Britannia"  when searching for articles on Boudica. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An alternate version of the Boudica rebellion against Roman rule and the battle of Watling Street that determined its outcome. Brittania became a free, united, and prosperous land as a result of her victory and various reforms that followed.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I loved the story and the battle scene especially. You included a lot of historical detail and then changed the narrative according to your own alternate history. As an Angle from Germany, my ancestors conquered the primitive Celts and so I do not trace the freedom narrative that the British have propagated around the world to them.

Suetonius Paulinus had entrenched his 10000 men with a forest behind him, in a narrow gorge opening onto a wide-open plain. The Celtic tribes approached from the plain and were wiped out. Your suggestion assumed a degree of discipline lacking in the Celtic tribes of the time and a wisdom of Boudica that was also lacking.
She had neither studied the Roman art of war and was overconfident due to her previous victories and her numbers. The Roman historian Cassius Dio said her force was 230000 which is not an impossible number but modern historians tend to reduce those numbers to 100000 because they conveniently exaggerated the measure of the Roman victory. Also, there was no cover on the sides according to the original accounts. There was the gorge which the Romans had covered and then there was the open plain. So 20000 ill-disciplined Celtic warriors on alternate sides of the plain would have been noticed- Given the numerical disparity and their entrenched position the Romans had no incentive to break their position and advance into the plain and especially given the previous massacres at the hands of the Celts. They only had to rely on the Celts coming to them, which they did. This was a textbook example of Generalship by Suetonius and of Roman military discipline. They advanced when the Celtic waves stopped coming and started running. They were hemmed in however by the wagons surrounding the back of the plain in which they had placed their women and children, watching the battle. So the Roman cavalry was able to massacre large numbers of them before they got away.

Also, I do not believe the Romans would have given up on the province so lightly. You mentioned Emperors Vespasian and Titus both of whom were involved in the brutal suppression of the Jewish rebellion after they had declared independence for some 6 years. Maybe a million people were killed in that action. The Celts were fractured tribes and even with the threat of Rome, I doubt if they would have kept any kind of unity.

So I found this a little implausible but a fantastic read. There were a few mechanical issues also.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You said Icini consistently but pretty sure the consensus is that it was Iceni.

You are missing a load of commas.

You use which a lot when you should use that.

In a defining clause, use that. In non-defining clauses, use which. Remember, which is as disposable as a sandwich bag. If you can remove the clause without destroying the meaning of the sentence, the clause is nonessential and you can use which.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
610
610
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Coffeebean I found "Boudica: Queen of Iceni"  when searching for articles on Boudica. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Boudica Queen of the Iceni prepares her men for battle at Watling Street 60AD. The doubters are led by Arbaris who has taken the measure of the Roman position and discipline and suggested they have the advantage. Boudica ignores him in favor of the omens given to her by her gods and her just cause.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So it is Boudica, the Queen, against the fear and sense in the heart of Arbaris. She should have listened to him! Her victories had been against much less substantial Roman forces. Only 200 men had defended the capital Camulodunum and she had massacred them. The soldiers of the ninth legion that had tried to liberate the city had also only been a token force. But at Watling Street, the Roman Commander Suetonius Paulinus was ready for her with some 10000 men. Even though outnumbered some 20-1 he had positioned himself in a narrow gorge with a forest behind him thereby setting the approach root that Boudica's army had to attack down. Her men were not trained professionals and 80000 of them died in the battle.

She claimed just cause and today we might consider her sexual harassment by the Romans and the usurping of her throne by them as so. But in the context, the Iceni were a backward people led by Druids and omens and ripe to fall. Britain benefited from a Roman victory and was the better for the conquest.

In practice, she should have starved the Romans out, or burnt the forest behind them down and made them come to her. But her army was ill-disciplined and might not have stood around for such a time as was necessary. They had overconfidence in numbers and did not respect their enemy so got what was coming to them.

I liked the way you captured her reasoning and especially the way she described the omen in her pep talk. Arbaris, the antagonist in this story was actually right here.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None found.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
611
611
Review of Will Not Bow.  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, IsadoraJynx . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Will Not Bow."  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author has made her mistakes and knows her past sins. But she is starting over now and has found a new purpose in helping others. She has a strength gained from what she has overcome.

*Quill*Commentary

Very inspiring, authentic, and well written. I found two small mistakes otherwise I was tempted to give you a full five stars for this.

I loved the movement and the wording and the sentiment of this poem, which was all in a positive direction.

Sort of like the "unconquerable soul" (Henley - Invictus), that perseveres against darkness, applied to the self yet leading to an altruistic rather than self-centered victory.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

i’ve - capitalize the I as you have done so elsewhere.

clamore - clamor


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
612
612
Review of Bright Future  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Brook.lin Galf . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Bright Future"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A journey through the dark to the light. A movement from drowning, from the night, from the depths, towards freedom.

*Quill*Commentary

I liked the theme of from darkness to light. Though I wondered why this was accompanied by a yearning for the end of June which is the brightest of all months with the longest of all days.

The old words gave it a context and distinctive feel but seem to have been misused.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You used 4 really old English/Scottish words here that had me scrambling for the dictionary.

Leoht meaning light is singular so should the next word be "has?"

Fleoge is from the verb to flee but you use it as a noun.

Clead again is a verb while you use it to describe a clothing object.

Earldor is a title but here it is used as if it were a place or a warming object like the sun or something.

The birds gale lovely tune - Does this mean the birds are yelling in which case why is it lovely. Or is this sound of a flock of birds? Was not clear to me.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
613
613
Review by LightinMind
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I marked you lower than I intended in my previous review
614
614
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, ☮ The Grum Of Grums . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Big Boys Don't Cry"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A young boy's stream of consciousness monologue after the death of Rumbles his dog and friend. They told him big boys should not cry but he explored all the inconsistencies about that. Girls like Mandy are allowed to cry and dad cried when grandma died for instance. But then the family gather, wearing silly grins, and there is something new in that basket...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I really liked this. It read authentically and was well put together. Having recently lost a pet I could empathize with the emotions, the tears, and the whole reaction culture of people trained according to gender or disposition to sympathize with me or mock my loss.

You got the age level right also in the presentation of the young boy's stream of consciousness. That is how a young boy thinks. Healing also occurs quicker at that age as a new dog Waggles comes along to replace the old that was put down.

You fitted the guidelines for the contest well enough also.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Well written with no obvious flaws


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
615
615
Review of Potato Pride  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, {user:dannigan. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Potato Pride"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Potato companies based in Fargo, North Dakota are feeling the recession and not selling their products. Yet they find a new market in the most surprising place...

*Quill*Commentary

Unpeeled potatoes, conveyor belts stilled, layoffs, and too much stock are all symptoms of a decline in sales. But capitalism can now peruse a wider market and finds a new one in China. Such is the nature of business in the new world but it took a recession to wake the company up to the possibilities of globalism.

You used a lot of big words to say this but I liked how it all came together. The message and story here are authentic and true.

It is not the best poem ever but it does the job.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

No obvious errors.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
616
616
Review of Life is Not Easy  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, GentlemanWarrior . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Life is Not Easy"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A father describes the difficulties he had with the adoption process to his adopted family. He explains that life is not always easy. The story demonstrates how serious he was about finding his kids and building a family and that the best things in life often come at a cost. Life is not easy but keep battling on as it is worth it in the end.


*Quill*Commentary

I liked this simple story of perseverance. It is missing one key element though, the moment you got the good news. If this was a lesson about perseverance and how life is not easy surely the success at the end of that would have demonstrated it was all worth it in the end.

This was well written and engaging from start to finish.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Minor issues with commas and composite words: e.g. web site = website. But nothing that distracted from the flow.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
617
617
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Sailor M . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Suddenly The Light Went Out"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This is set on a visit to Mr. and Mrs. Hansen in Boston. The instructions were simple. Do not go into the basement! Yet he went and had a look anyway. He went through the right door and had a bad experience...


*Quill*Commentary

This was funny. How many times and in how many ways have people been told not to push the red button, not to go into the basement, not to eat the apples from that tree? And yet have done it anyway.

You kind of wonder why the door was not locked.

Though I guess the story is also a little creepy as it raises the question as to who or what the Hansens had in the room down there. Was it a child or a monster? Was it there in the dark voluntarily or not, the door was unlocked so maybe this is not kidnapping? Also, they had two rooms so there was more than one creature. A serious discussion should have followed this incident even a report to the police.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing found.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
618
618
Review of Secret Cave Swim  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Schnujo Enjoyed Colombia . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Secret Cave Swim"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This thirsty creature sounded almost military in her careful, disciplined, and planned approach and then exit strategy from the water. First, the reconnaissance searching the shadows looking for movement and for threats. The awareness not slipping even as she enjoys the water and the drink. You really uncovered the emotional intensity of the moment. The reader could also experience her fear and pleasure, the feeling of power over her circumstances, and the awareness of her vulnerability in this place. Then the sixth sense that tells her it is time to leave. She does this methodically by drying her feet walking around the edge of the pool and maintaining a poise that does not leave a trail of drips to follow as she disengages from the water hole. She leaves no tracks as she returns to her lair.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I really like this. You left it suitably mysterious as to what this creature looks like. But she was clearly a rare survivor of an endangered species. You describe her as "a hybrid of nightfall and silver who fancied the moon her sister and the stars her cousins." This could describe delusion, beauty, or indeed a strangeness impossible to describe. It seems there were no witnesses and that she lives alone. We know her feelings, we know something of the colors of the cave and the experience of the water hole but we know little else about her.

Was she supernatural when she needed water to drink? Was she the cousin of a star when she was clearly not made of fire. Was she the sister of dead moon rock when clearly so alive? The poetry in the words was cool and made the creature live for us but the impossibility of the description only adds to her strangeness.

Maybe your military training showed through a little in this piece also with the awareness of how the creature approached and then dealt with danger and vulnerability to the enemy (somewhere out there).

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Good first line

This read very well and I did not find any distracting errors.

But:

The first few swallows seemed to be absorbed insider her cracked, dry mouth and stick in her desiccated throat. - The first few swallows seemed to be absorbed inside her cracked, dry mouth and stick in her desiccated throat.

Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
619
619
Review of Night's Annex  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, InkSpout . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Night's Annex"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A kidnap case requires a local myth relating to the occupants of Nights Annex to be first disproved. Gavin is assigned the task of capturing one of the Devil Bats accused of the kidnap by the missing girl's father. It is presumably the case that the capture will help to disprove this as a possibility and open the way for a more considered examination of the facts. But Gavi must overcome childhood trauma and memories in the strange shadowy world of the moonlit forest. Is he up to the challenge?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Gavin sounds like an interesting character who grows as a result of overcoming his childhood trauma here. You describe the scene quite well in the imagery you evoke though these descriptions are often betrayed by poor mechanics. I liked the story and the theme of the triumph of truth over myth and courage over fear but felt that the mechanical mistakes were distracting and needed to be fixed to make this story generally accessible.

The low mark is mainly due to the mechanical mistakes as your content was good.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The first sentence is too long and contains mistakes and awkward phrasing.

The full moon shined its menacing light through the little crevices allotted by the forest’s thick trees, casting shadows ten times as big as their tangible counterparts.

- shined should be shone or cast.
- the image here is powerful and compelling but requires too much thought to digest for a first line. I should be hooked immediately but instead am working out the meaning of "tangible counterparts" and only then realizing that the shadows are ten times larger than the trees themselves.
- You might consider cutting the first line short: The full moon shone its menacing light through the little crevices allotted by the forest’s thick trees then you could talk about the oversized shadows in the next sentence.

something solid to hold too - to not too

labled = labeled

forever to wander in circles - forever wondering in circles

beating it’s wings beating it is wings? - or - beating its wings

boarder = border

wind swoop in font of his face - front

the swarm that casted the shadows - the swarm that cast the shadows

travel’s - travels

fury - furry

the nightmares which plagued his childhood Begin sentences with capitals

A lot of other grammar errors. I would recommend using a grammar checker (there are free ones out there)

Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
620
620
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, StephBee I found "Notre Dame in Paris"  when searching for articles on Paris. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

You describe Steph and Todd, both US Military MPs stationed in the South of Germany going to Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. There is a clear romantic connection between the two as they do the journey, visit the cathedral, and seem to share a hotel room together. The piece takes the format of a letter to Stephs brother Shelley.

*Quill*Commentary

I recently visited Paris but Notre Dame was closed to tourists and worshippers since the Great Fire and so I enjoyed your account. Parisians smoke like chimneys and it is rumored that a discarded cigarette may have started the blaze. We passed Notre Dame by some apartment blocks. A man smoking in the balcony flicked his ash down as we passed and I could suddenly see how easily all of this could have happened.

Your descriptions had the ring of authenticity about them because your backstory made it plausible that you as an American soldier might have been there and because your descriptions matched my own memories also. I loved the little details like about the 28 kings of Israel and Judea, the rose window and the colors it brought to the inside of the cathedral, the use of gargoyles to ward off evil spirits.

There were still some things to improve mechanically but thanks for an informative and entertaining read.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You got some names wrong:

Montrartre - Montmartre

Beritz - Berlitz

A good grammar checker would reveal many of the errors with commas and apostrophes.

You put the in front of places unnecessarily occasionally e.g. the Notre Dame, the Sorbonne University

Spelling: inlayed = inlaid
vender = vendor

We took a slow walked around the church - slow walk

Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
621
621
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, StephBee I found {item:} when searching for articles on Paris. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An enthusiastic account of a trip to Paris.


*Quill*Commentary

I read this because I was in Paris last week and wanted to compare notes. You wrote this 16 years ago but the things you describe are all still there. I guess the Eiffel Tower, a walk down the Champs Elysee from the Arc de Triomphe in the direction of the Place de Concorde with its obelisk from Luxor are all standard tourist fare. But I enjoyed doing this with my family members who were visiting for the first time. You also visited the Louvre as did we. I was interested in the Mesha Stele and Hammurabi Code there but there was some great art also. It was all too much for a single day and I could have spent a month there alone. We also visited Versailles and other attractions. The city is classy and steeped in history, built in a Greco- Roman nineteenth-century European style that still has an impact and quality about it.

There were a few mechanical issues with the text left to work on. I thought you could have done more research in places. Also, you just went with the Mona Lisa in the Louvre which is a bit of a cliche as there are 35000 paintings there, and many of them are better than that. That did not ring authentically and sounded just like you living out the cliche. The reference to the French version of the statue of liberty by contrast sounded authentic and unique as most tourists would not give it a second glance.

So I thought this was above-average work with improvements still needed.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Commas are an issue and could be quickly resolved with a good grammar checker.

an “U” - a "U"

she seemed to reached out to me and touch me - she seemed to reach out to me and touch me

J’aime vous, ma chere. - for such an intimate and informal phrase the French would be Je t'aime, ma chérie. You said it too formally and when the French say chère it is used snobbishly or sarcastically so that did not work, chérie is more intimate.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
622
622
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hello, Panda Maniaaaa! I found "So, this is Paris?"  when searching for articles on Paris. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Monica and her sisters are moving to Paris with their mother for the next three years because she has an opportunity in the fashion industry there. The father stays with his job in UC Tech and they move to live with Aunt Josie.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So you have the marital drama relating to a significant decision on Darsha's part. This conflict is resolved by Darsha moving with the kids and leaving her husband behind. The decision seems to have been accepted by Monica the passive protagonist here, it seems that she and her sisters had little real choice here. But they do like their new accommodations.

This sounds like a wealthy family as accommodation in Paris is very expensive and usually quite low on floor space. But the fashion industry is big business there with some $20billion expected revenues in 2021.

The story was spoilt by the large numbers of mechanical errors in this piece and this is the main reason for the low mark. The plot itself was interesting and could even be expanded. The description was slightly inaccurate as Monica is a passive bystander to the decision here and her input is not required for her mother's new job. So she will not be helping her mother in this new role.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The first line has a grammatical error:
Sitting in the kitchen table - Sitting at the kitchen table

Anything to drone out the sound of my parents argue. - drown out & arguing

And plus, in Paris they don't speak English - Plus in Paris, they don't speak English

adventerous - adventurous

Mom said it straight forward,"I'm moving to Paris for three years." - Mom spoke directly, "I'm moving to Paris for three years."

I drug all of our things up the twenty-seven steps and into the apartment. - drag

With furnitures. - not a sentence and furniture should be singular

And what are you names! - Question mark because it is a question.

squeled - squealed

Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
623
623
Review of The Changeling  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Basilides I found "The Changeling"  when searching for articles on Schizophrenia. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Noll was mentally ill and worried that his meetings with Noelle his "sister" are evidence that he is still not cured. But Noelle tells him news that makes him wonder if there is more to this than mere insanity. Tina and the baby will thank him later even if they think he is crazy right now...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Well-written provocative story. Noelle might be a real but dead twin sister or his imaginary friend but when she tells him things that end up saving his child's life you have to wonder if she was something more than that. She never leaves so there is no oppressive price to the information that she gives otherwise I would have suspected demonic possession rather than ghosts.

Judaeo Christian thinking on the spirit world generally attributes a malevolent character to invading spirits. But this is not possession and there is no oppressive price as previously stated. But the trouble that is associated with Noelle and the treatment he had for mental health, as a result, means that she is no guardian angel either. I suppose it could have been pure luck and a little bit of projection that he imagined something wrong with the child and got something done about it right away. It could have destroyed his marriage had he been wrong. It could have been two malevolent spirits at odds with each other. The one Noelle on her way out anyway but not willing to surrender this family to the spirit that tried to strangle Tina's baby. But all of this is just speculation.

This was just a story but it got me thinking

*Quill*Mechanical issues

He turned to them and said space between them and

daughters hand- daughter's hand


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
624
624
Review of Sanity  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, tYpO/T.Boilerman I found "Sanity"  when searching for articles on Schizophrenia. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Susan appears to be being berated by a cruel sister called Leticia with Terrance coming in for the rescue. But inside the Catholic asylum sanity is in short supply...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I thought this was quite cleverly done and it was not until the last sentence that I finally realized what was actually going on. You had drama and passion and you captured the hopelessness of Susan's case. Locked away for her own good after a botched suicide attempt.

Leticia sounded almost demonic and I must admit I sometimes wonder if that is a dimension of some of these cases where there appears to be no medical cure. You kind of hope that love can overcome all things but as with the death of someone like Rick Warrens's son clearly this is not always the case. So we lock these people away and we dope them up. We put them in holding patterns and just wait for them to die. Indeed locked away we can even pretend they do not really exist and that everything is fine.

This story highlights a major issue of our time without offering any real solutions to this.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

There are punctuation issues e.g. full stops instead of commas for the dialog tag.

You miss a few commas and add some unnecessary ones.


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
625
625
Review of Glimpses of Dad  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, irisjustwrite has granddogger I found "Glimpses of Dad"  when searching for articles on Schizophrenia. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author recounts her current experience with her father. She sees only glimpses of the man who raised her now. The monster of schizophrenia and age has stolen the rest of him.


*Quill*Commentary

It seems that this is an example of a family looking after their own and repaying something of the debt they owe to the man now sick. As such it is admirable. It seems that the father still has the echoes of life with the vegetable garden, visits from grandchildren, church, sports shows on the TV, etc. But those who knew him to mourn what they miss of the more complete man they remember. It seems he is also now getting old and no doubt his condition does not help with his self-care.

The psychiatric community suggests a painstaking regime of care that can deliver some kind of improvement, but at his age and given the level of his condition it is unlikely that they can be any help. So he relies on a combination of family support and prayer and waits to die, a hollowed-out version of the man he once was.

There is something deeply wrong with the fact that we have no cure for these kinds of things. That they remain somehow mysterious and beyond our reach. It seems absurd in fact but it is what it is. Mental illness is a growing issue in our times.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I could not find any mechanical errors


Thanks for sharing.

Shared Power Group Image

 
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing  (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
1,311 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 53 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luminementis/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/25