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2,324 Public Reviews Given
2,324 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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476
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Some Disassembly Required"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

When the man said 'I do,' did he realize that his choices would, from then on, be moderated by a higher power? The author shares his learned experience gleaned from such masterworks as the 'Art of Compromise'and adopts the 'Yes, dear!' strategy for all future decision making.


*Quill*Commentary

Men are from a dry dusty world which is more like a scene from a Mad Max movie and life is unremitting warfare. Women tell us they are from a glitzy place full of unicorns and rainbows when we first meet but apparently the interaction with the male universe can induce headaches and stress and so they must obtain full access control to moderate its effects. Just letting them do that seems to facilitate the best possibilities for interplanetary cooperation and harmony and even the occasional fun.

For most of history and over most of the world, if truth be told, it is men who have been in control. I remember a conversation with a devout Muslim in which he instructed me as to the righteous way to beat your wife i.e. do not draw your hand behind your shoulder to get a really good swing when you punch her for being disobedient. The idea that women's happiness and choices matter is a recent innovation and relies on removing the threat of physical force and a cultural mandate for male dominance from the equation. Whether or not all things fall apart in a universe determined by women's choices remains to be seen, as we only have about a hundred years of experience of it in the West, whose dominance has steadily eroded over that time period. How sustainable the Amazonian matriarchies dreamed of by modern feminists will be over the broad sweep of history also remains undetermined.

In a messed up world, a preoccupation with power and agendas may well have broken a great many relationships. It can seem absurd that complementarity and equal dignity are not more readily accepted as a basis for gender interaction. If men become 'girly men' beholden to their wives will the barbarians at the gate simply sweep in and take over or will the Amazons yet save us from the hoards at the city gate?

Your poem was amusing and raises a key issue of our times - the interaction of power agendas and gender.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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477
477
Review of The Haunting  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, Arakun the Twisted Raccoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Haunting"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A description of horrors that are rising across the town this night. Hell hounds, banshees, zombies, witches and vampires, pale legions of ghosts, and all hungry for candy this Halloween.

*Quill*Commentary

I must admit I do not much like Halloween and the greed and darkness it uncovers in my neighborhood every year. But the kids loved it for a season and I would walk with them to ensure that nothing bad happened to them.

This was funny and well-engineered with the last stanza as a pleasant surprise in fact. You parade a list of mythical creatures and my feeling of implausibility was rising and then suddenly it all makes sense with the last stanza as something real.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

None found.


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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478
478
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Nanda 30 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The rest of the story"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A kid wants to hear the end of the story that his father was reading to him. His father tells him to wait until tomorrow. The child is impatient to know now. The father explains that waiting is an important part of the storytelling. It gives him time to reflect and dream about how the story ends. Who knows his story might end up being better than the original. At that moment a writer was born.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

My kid is a strange way to talk about your child unless you are talking to a generic audience in which case why would you be sharing at all. It depersonalizes your son and destroys the intimacy of the message thereby eroding the significance of the moment.

I liked the essential storyline showing how a father trained his son to think and imagine in the way that a writer does.

There were a lot of mechanical errors for such a short piece.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

“Tell me the rest of the story”, - “Tell me the rest of the story,”

The basic principle is quotes go outside commas and periods. You are inconsistent here and there are errors throughout the text like this.

after have read for him three chapters of the book. - after having read for him three chapters of the book.

those curious blue eyes shined the way - those curious blue eyes shone the way...

I had to wait till I grow up - I had to wait 'til I grow up

So, tonight you will dream with the rest of the story - So, tonight you will dream about the rest of the story

“your story is even better than the real one”. - "maybe your story will be even better than the original."


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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479
479
Review of All To You  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, ~WhoMe???~ . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "All To You"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A man came into her life like an irresistible force. Soon they will be married. He has restored her smile and capacity for loving. She is grateful.

*Quill*Commentary

The description speaks of a man you loved - past tense and the poem speaks of a man you will marry, future tense.

I liked the positive theme of the poem and how his love restored you and made you smile.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Well-written free verse. B-D rhyming. No major issues.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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480
480
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, JACE . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Dear Me: Back to Basics"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Jace has had a rough year with business taking a sharp dive and a divorce to work through. He feels that his writing also has stagnated and is lacking a bit of energy and focus. Setting goals does not seem to help, he is doing a fair amount of procrastinating. He tells himself that he is a survivor that he can get himself back into the mindset by reminding himself that the joy of writing is what this is all about. In a year where everything else seems to have been stripped away, he is a writer and needs to start acting like one.

*Quill*Commentary

I have only written two of these dear me texts so far while you have been around at least a decade doing them. Your style is completely different, I have bullet points, measured goals, and statistics you are talking to yourself like a recalcitrant teenager who is wrestling with a million feelings that rarely make their way into actual decisions. Sorry, that is just my impression, I have two teenagers at the moment.

I guess every writer is different. I have heard it said that a tidy desk may reveal a lack of creativity. I tend to think it at least keeps the chaos of the storm at arm's length. I am organized, I make plans but as a famous general once said, no plans survive contact with the enemy. That said if you made a plan you have something to compare actual experiences with and test to see how you did.

You are probably the best person to get yourself out of your rut. You focus on your love of writing, the joy of it, you remind yourself that despite everything you lost that horrible year you still have your writing and that if you start behaving like a writer your mojo for writing will return.

That sounded helpful to me and all that pain and defeat of the previous year had opened both space and reason for writing again. I wonder how the next years worked out?

Anyway, you had me rooting for you.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Pulitizer - Pulitzer, not sure if it is a requirement to be able to spell the word before you win one.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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481
481
Review of A Love From Afar  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, EEEEEESSSSDDD . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "A Love From Afar"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Sarah develops a crush on an unnamed man but does not let it come to anything because she is going out with Kevin. But on the plane, she realizes that she is really not that excited about seeing her boyfriend again. As she drives back to the house suddenly...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Sarah is the main protagonist here. The conflict is inside her between her affection for her boyfriend Kevin and this recent crush on a nice man. Isabelle appears to be a business partner who bakes cookies but this is not clear.

There were a lot of errors for such a short piece.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Sarah, in a relationship with her boyfriend, runs into a guy who she soon gets a crush on.

- a guy is impersonal so that is better than who.

Sarah, in a relationship with her boyfriend, runs into a guy that she soon gets a crush on.


and two, as to them, it is next to impossible that they'd even meet ever again - awkward phrasing:

and two, It was next to impossible that the two of them would ever meet again

You mix tenses sometimes present some times past. Past works better culminating in then suddenly...

She heads back to the state her boyfriend lived in. - She headed back to the state her boyfriend lived in.

Nothing really excited her to see him - She was not that excited about seeing him again

Also, numbers like 2 should be written two.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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482
482
Review of The Keeper  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, fyn . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Keeper"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A poem celebrating the Keeper of the family's secrets, the one who traced the genealogy back and unearthed its stories for the next generation to learn from.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Having spent some time researching the genealogical history myself I appreciate the efforts of people to unearth our family secrets. I wonder if DNA testing will now overthrow many of my firm conclusions and raise all sorts of other unexpected questions.

I love the reference to Ancestors as our children: dust reformed into dreams. It also made me wonder if was your daughter that did the hard work of piecing together the family story.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

if we
but keep the lines straight though time
convolutes the once simple.

Needs a comma after straight.


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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483
483
Review of With time  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Kåre Enga in Montana . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "With time"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A man looking out from a car and seeing things in a slightly different way. Creatures become defined by their chief characteristics and these features redefine their standard descriptions into something altogether more creative. At the center a man looking out writing a poem not a witness statement for the authorities.

*Quill*Commentary

Black and white Fresian cows, the spots move around in a field of cows. That is a creative idea though it implies the spots moved across the cowhides which sounds a little psychedelic.

How the green of pasture
hurts the eyes
worse than horns of a bull at rest.

Green and brown/grey, even in sunlight, are easy natural colors on the eyes so this seemed a little ambiguous to me. If they were covered in dew then maybe the reflections would produce this effect.

The spots in a field of cows
like skunks,
dead by the side of roads,

This really does sound like a country road but not in Europe. I normally see squashed hedgehogs and the occasional wounded rabbit. Skunks imply smell, cow pats smell...but the movement of the spots in the field is now static dead roadkill. This is a little ambiguous, it kind of works as art but only by jarring rationality. There is a sense of existential crisis in the last two stanzas as an overactive mind actually starts counting stuff, like grains of sand, in the silence of the countryside, in a space without conversation or alternate interactions.

Overall you combine observational creativity with a sort of depersonalization and custom categorization of all that you see and a sense of silence and an existential crisis that may have nothing to do with what you are viewing at all.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Free verse format gives you flexibility here


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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484
484
Review of Strength  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, IE . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Strength"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

She was her dream date at 17 when they started going out. They got married after she graduated from college. He was in the army in the meantime. She became an army wife with three kids. Then there was the accident and the consequences that came with that. Four years later they meet again, starting new, a new kind of first date...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Neither of the main characters is named here. This sounds almost autobiographical because of the authentic quality of the writing. For the purposes of the story, you are the wife and your husband the army man.

The story gives the full account of how young love blossomed, was tested by army and college separations, led to marriage and three kids. The feelings of neglect and the stress of being a single mum with only occasional visits and phone calls of her man led to a moment that changed everything. A car accident when she ran a red light. Her daughter had undone her seat belt. Two people dead and a four-year prison sentence. She did her time knowing she deserved the sentence.

I did not get why he did not talk to her in the prison, trying to work through the tragedy and changed circumstances himself, and then he expected everything to simply click back into a new beginning when she got out. She did not open his letters so they did not communicate at all through that time. The man looked after his sons in the meantime but again he neglected his wife. The brother said he was no good and that she should ditch him.

The story communicates the strength of a woman pushed to the extreme by the neglect of being an army wife, by the stresses of being a single mum, and finally by a stroke of incredibly bad luck also. To keep on loving like that truly demonstrated strength of character.

Powerful stuff. I could not fault, hence the award icon.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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485
485
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Beholden . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The End of the Game"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A monster is imprisoned by a jailer who is quite pleased with his accomplishment at capturing it. But how safe is that cage and that Beaumont forcefield?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So the protagonist or hero in this piece is you and the antagonist is the incubus. Having certain Christian convictions about demonology I was unconvinced of this as a description of an incubus. It had a physical body that was clearly monstrous and ugly while incubus was fairer of form in order to seduce women. It had all sorts of extra superpowers like super strength, knock-out gas for breath, and acid saliva which are never associated with these kinds of demons. The mind control abilities might be more plausible, however. In your account, it ate its victims rather than just impregnated them. But this was a pop culture monster not a demon of the ancient world to me.

Also, in your account, the being is meant to be unique but it has a gender and the implication is that it would rape you before it ate you adding humiliation to your demise. If it is the male form then is it also the female form or is that a separate creature? In Christian theology, the succubus appears first as a beautiful woman to collect male sperms. These are then adapted and refined and then a good-looking male incubus impregnates a woman with them. Many theologians speculated a single demon was both incubus and succubus on that basis. In this way, some suggest, the angels of the fall were able to impregnate women and conceive demonic children or Nephilim. When these were destroyed by the flood they became the demons that still afflict us to this day along with the more powerful fallen angels that are part of the rebellion against God.

So since I held colossal doubts that the creature could possibly exist in this form and seemed an implausibly materialistic fantasy I did not find him that scary.

This is probably why I should never enter competitions like Screams they seem out of touch with the reality of evil. Evil is fundamentally spiritual and that is where its real power is. That a materialistic and visually focused age does not recognize the power of the spiritual to the same extent at some 15th-century theologian like Alphonso de Spina classifying demons reveals the kind of world we live in and its disconnection with spiritual realities.

There is no happy ending to this story and evil wins, furthermore evil has the apparent advantage of always winning and of having lived forever and a day. I would hope in the improbable event of ever facing such a monster that I would not scream and simply trust in God who would one day hold it to account.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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486
486
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (1.0)
Hello, tifany . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "TRAGIC ROAD ACCIDENTS"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Road accidents kill people and cause a lot of pain to families, companies, churches, and communities. This is bad news. We can identify some of the causes.


*Quill*Commentary

This is descriptive only, rather than prescriptive. No recommendations or helpful advice are offered about what we could do about the problem.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You might want to load a grammar checker of some sort as this piece is riddled with grammatical errors. For example the first sentence. Errors highlighted in bold:

The description has errors:
Soo may people are dying on road accidents

So many people are dying in road accidents

Accident is one of the worse things that could happen to anyone, not even to that one person you call an enemy, this is because of the agony and effects as a result of this accidents.

1. An accident is or given that you use plural at end of sentence maybe Accidents are.
2. worse - worst
3. not even to that one person you call an enemy - something you would not wish on your worst enemy
4. effects as a result - choose effects or as a result not both as they mean the same thing.
5. this accidents - Depending on the choice made in 1. these accidents or this accident.

Word order is often false.

Plurals and singulars are mixed up.

Wrong word choice.

Inappropriate use of 'the.'

Extra pronouns: many families an and homes

Sentences do not always begin with capitals.

accidents have been associated with a number of causes but the most common cause being road accident as a leading cause of deaths.

Accidents are caused by accidents - good to know!

Think this one needs a rewrite.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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487
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Review of Not Today  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, SSpark . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Not Today"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Two hunters, a grandma and her grandson Charlie are in a deer blind. They are having a frivolous conversation over astrological signs. Then as dawn breaks, a doe and daughter arrive...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You bolded Year of the Snake, Aquarius, and Generation Z which made me wonder if this was a contest entry of some sort where these words were required.

I guess if you are in a deer blind for hours you may well end up talking about all sorts of things. But I wondered at just how loud you were being, what with phone calls to mum and the exchange about astrology. Given that the two hunters were chattering away maybe it was surprising that the doe and her daughter showed up.

The beauty of the scene reminded me of similar experiences out running in the countryside where I regularly see deer running across fields, emerging from forests, jumping hedges. They usually see me before I see them and are already moving by the time I catch on.

I thought the story had a certain warm charm to it, though I find astrology rather stupid. But here it was not taken seriously enough to be a problem.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

switched his rifle to safety and lowered it the ground - switched his rifle to safety and lowered it to the ground


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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488
488
for entry "The Bible, Take 2" 
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, Jeff . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Blogocentric Formulations"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Personal account and plans on reading through scripture. Includes ambition to read the bible five times in the next five years.


*Quill*Commentary

Thought-provoking piece. It made me look around the house.

I grew up with King James and NIV. The NIV remains my favorite marrying contemporary English with accuracy. I had the Jehovah Witness version (NWT) in my teens without realizing it though I never warmed to that version. Looking around the house I found seven other adult versions including two in German. (NASB, Good News, The Message,
RSV, New American Bible). I had a cartoon book bible I gave away and have not found since.

I reckon I have read it more than thirty-five times and have had phases where I tried to memorize bits. When in actual Bible College studying theology I read it comparatively little ironically. Nowadays I read it differently diving into different places or reading a whole book at once. Previously I just read through it chapter by chapter once a year or so. I figure that if I ever get imprisoned for my faith I should have the full thing in my head if I think about it and that would help sustain me. Having this library in your head which is independent of an actual book or smartphone gives you a resilience that could survive the worst persecutions and imprisonment. I have always thought those times were just around the corner but have been very lucky thus far.

I try and read it in German now and have two versions:

1. Schlachter Version 2000 (German NIV Version)
2. Hoffnung für Alle (German good news version)

But not made it through to the other side and find this heavy going. In English, it is always new and fresh to me whichever version I read. I have not clicked with the feel of the German and it is heavy going and a struggle to keep disciplined about it. I find myself remembering the English to make the translation rather than wrestling with the words in front of me.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Did not have time.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Elska Hugrekki . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Pragmatic Weaver "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Cryptic personal revelations in which the extremes of personality are explored. She is the practical one and the idealistic dreamer. She is unapologetically herself in a world full of hate and fear: jailer and prisoner and the one who looks after the keys also. Love is love in all its various, glorious forms and somehow understanding requires a process of unlearning archaic rhetoric and social norms. If we do that then maybe we could understand our essential sameness.


*Quill*Commentary

All personalities include conflicting extremes between being practical and idealistic dreaming.

The keys to understanding this poem are missing as it really depends on what you are talking about, the circumstances that drove these thoughts and feelings, and the context in which you wrote.

So I can only give my reaction to how the words sound to me. It sounds like you are fending off judgmental criticisms of yourself by another person and especially your choices about love. You sound unapologetic but describe yourself as the jailer as well as the captive. Does this mean the oppression you have dealt out is not something you would apologize for? You seem to be trying to persuade yourself to be more assertive and to speak out and this involves some kind of rejection and unpicking of social norms and traditions. In practice, this would make you that annoying disturber of convention and place you in conflict with others. But you are convinced of your own rightness though give us no grounds here to accept that you are in the right.

People seem very different to me and also very much the same. That is the tension I carry into every connection. This person can understand because they also are human - versus - this person is strange and has made strange choices for mysterious personal reasons or been swept along by currents of history that are unfamiliar to me. It is both these extremes and also something extra in reality.

Anyway thanks for the thought-provoking words.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The use of commas is rather arbitrary. You end the poem with a comma. You start sentences without capitals sometimes and not others. They are missing on some sentences and present on others. Even for free verse, there is some grammatical structure and rules.

Is the repeated use of three dots to indicate a pause. It lends a certain breathless quality to the reading of the poem. Like you run out of breath before you complete a thought, and then need to catch your breath before continuing. It could also add emphasis but the emphasis seems odd on occasions.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Marvelous Friend . This is a followup review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* you pointed me to "A Dream of God's Wrath" . I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A scary vision of just how angry God is with us and how Jesus has substituted Himself for us as the object of God's wrath. Being like Christ is being willing to sacrifice ourselves for others just as He did.

*Quill*Commentary

This vision sounds correct and also its fruit tests out as it made you want to get right with God and to act more like Jesus. Thanks for sharing it.

Becoming more like Jesus does not mean becoming Jesus. It is still He who saves us and stands between us and God's anger. We are not righteous, not even one of us and we are justified by faith in Him. Our sacrifices echo His but do not have the same effect. Our sacrifices do not save people, Jesus does that. Our sacrifices do not save us. Jesus does that also. But who can deny the impact of the martyrs or of the legacy of believers that grew from the blood of their sacrifice?

Jesus looked upon those that wept for Him as He approached the cross seeing the sins of Jerusalem when they would be full-grown in the Jewish rebellion a generation later. By then the church would have fled to Pella and there would be no prayer warriors crying out for the salvation of the city from God's wrath. When the anger fell it was terrible. The Jews fought among themselves as the Romans closed in on them, many starved, some ate their own children. Finally, when the Romans entered the city, they were all killed, enslaved, or died later in the arena. The Temple was razed to its very foundations and the city became a ruin. The anger of God is a terrible thing and without Jesus, all will face it at the appointed time. He sees what our sins will bring down on us before we do, He has made provision for those sins but He wants us to spread the news about that, which is what you do here. Your reaction, to get your life together, to consider how you can work for the good of others seems an entirely correct one to me.

Luke 23: 28-31

“Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for Me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. 29 Look, the days are coming when people will say, ‘Blessed are the barren women, the wombs that never bore, and breasts that never nursed!’ 30 At that time

‘they will say to the mountains, “Fall on us!”

and to the hills, “Cover us!” ’

31For if men do these things while the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?”


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Think about that for awhile. - awhile is the adverb meaning "for a while" so you do not need the "for" here.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of MY MOTHER'S MOUTH  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, SSpark . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "MY MOTHER'S MOUTH"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A black woman in a racist era supports a supposedly racist candidate in the name of state rights. Her campaigning energy helped to elect George Wallace to office, and also a black woman as the Democrat conventions VP and showed what a black woman could achieve against all the odds as an evangelist for transformations that would come long after her time.

*Quill*Commentary

I guess everybody wondered what moment in their lives they will be best remembered for. I guess we all live in hope that it will be a moment like this. Your mother stood at the turn of the tide against white supremacy and at the beginning of a new era that would ultimately elect a black man to the presidency.

I was interested in how she achieved her success, not by simply bad-mouthing racists but by immersing herself in the political process, learning the agendas of her time, and then taking a stand. Thereby she gained the position to be able to nominate someone and thereby change a little bit of history.

In a partisan political era like today where it is easier to simply denounce the other side, she is a lesson in practical politics, persuading by example with intelligence and by being relevant.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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492
492
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Marvelous Friend . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Take Up Your Cross And Follow Christ "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Are we willing to live for Jesus and take up our crosses, suffering, and even death if necessary? Let us keep our eyes on the prize of being with God for all eternity and share our faith with others.

*Quill*Commentary

No objection to the message of the poem which echoes scriptures very nicely and expresses a powerful faith.

Would sacrifice yourself for other people’s sins? -

I believe in Christ's once for all atonement of our sins. The implication of this line is that our own sacrifices add to the potency of that sacrifice rather than merely express it. Obviously, all the apostles but John were killed for their faith and that is the example of the martyrs in the early church. Also living the Christian life also demands sacrifices of us. But we are not justified by those sacrifices but rather by faith in Christ. I know you believe this but I felt the lines in the poem left this ambiguous.

Share Jesus with your family and friends.

I used to have a practice of trying to meet a stranger every day and tell them about Jesus. I was a street evangelist for a season of my life and that was always with strangers also. Now I tend to do this online or embed my witness in longer terms interactions and friendships but the principle remains - it is not just family and friends we share with.

We can all spend eternity in heaven above.

Universal potential for salvation does not mean everyone gets saved. Also, the vision of the afterlife seems to be a resurrection to the new heavens and a new earth where God dwells with us here in the New Jerusalem.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I guess this is not a convention in the secular world but when using gender-specific references to Deity Christians tend to capitalize. So him when referring to Jesus would be Him.

So also with "Your creator" the Your could be written your because you are not God and Creator should be capitalized as in a title and also a description of the Deity.


Thanks for sharing.

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493
493
Review of Shattered dreams  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, piecesofmyshatterededsoul . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Shattered dreams"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Losing a child was bad, as was the shattered dreams and tears. Now she lives surrounded by violence with others who stand in deafening silence. Maybe this is even worse.

*Quill*Commentary

This describes a tormented soul who has not been at peace since the loss of her child. The deafening silence and violence of those with her now might be even worse.

Losing a child is as tough as it gets and I guess the grief can be all-consuming. But it is important to get even such a traumatic event like this into some kind of perspective. This poem expresses a hopelessly extreme, bitter, and unhinged reaction to the trauma.

The contrast is made with those who seemingly have no emotional reaction at all and use violence to keep her and the pain she carries in check or at arm's length.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You repeat usage of some words like shattered and scattered which could be replaced by synonyms.

been woken up from my own screams. - someone can benevolently wake you from your screams or you can be woken by the loudness of your own screams. Given the theme of dark distrust of all around you by your own screams seems better. Otherwise, you are admitting that there might be some goodness in the silent people still with you.

You are inconsistent with the use of commas. You end some lines with them and not others.

Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Generations Past  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, socialscribe. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Generations Past"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Lena was not like the rest of her family. She was not motivated by the money or power that her family's estate might grant her. She preferred the fiery spirit and company of her great-grandfather Magnus Sorensen, who had built the original fortune from the ground up, to the entitlement and indifference of trust fund babies, as to how that money had been made. His authentic drive and spirit would go on to animate her life. She became a teacher.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Magnus is a self-made man who built a business empire. He emigrated and did great things but now lies forgotten and neglected in a wing of the home he built. Neglected by all but Lena his great-granddaughter who like Magnus is a square peg in a round hole in this family. She has the authenticity to do something original with her life rather than simply exist on the basis of past victories won by someone else.

This story could be a satire on the contrast between the original American dream and the materialism and entitlement of the majority of the One Percenters today who inherited what they have and live inauthentic and useless lives for their own pleasure and enjoyment but without any sense of mission.

Lena could have a lot worse first jobs and a lot worse trainers than such a man as her great-grandfather. Her mission became to "pay it back" and to reach out to the disadvantaged in inner-city schooling endowing them with some of the advantages she had been born with but unlike her family did not take for granted.

I have nothing negative to say about this piece. It was descriptive rather than deeply moving but it did the job.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

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495
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Review of THE MOUNTAIN  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Imogene M Karma . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "THE MOUNTAIN "  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This seems to describe a mountain or hillside view of a misty lake in the middle of Winter. There is a nearby forest full of snow. Local streams might be dammed by beavers into small pools and the lake itself might have been formed by a manmade dam of stone. The hiker surveys a mountain path that becomes a metaphor for his life choices: between Joy and Gloom; between Felicity and Doom.

*Quill*Commentary

Before the Pandemic, I spent a lot of time in the mountains every season. A Winter walk in snow that no one else has walked in, viewing views of white, with green trees poking through. Seeing lakes that shimmer in the sunshine or are shrouded in the sharp angles of mountain silhouettes due to the sun being so low in the sky and casting shadows. I missed all that as I read your poem.

Your description of the mountain trail reminded me of this bible verse:

13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Math 7:13-14

*Quill*Mechanical issues

This line puzzled me and seemed a little awkward:

The douglas-fir, an evergreen
To eternal sleep will now succumb

Firs are not killed by snow and stay green through the snow so I was not sure what you meant by eternal sleep here.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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496
496
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, LeJenD' . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "PPC Week 19: Just a Dream"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author had a dream that seemed more real than the world her waking eyes opened to find. She yearned to return to its perfection and to live it all again.


*Quill*Commentary

Some dreams hit all the key places: affirm our key values; live out our key pleasures; describe and enact our most perfect moments.

Then we awake from this VR Metaverse of possibility into the more subdued colors and less intense emotions of the real world. Our tripping on perfection over, we wallow in our post-high blues.

To some extent, this is a cultural description of the modern age and younger generation especially. Gaming, drugs, and Social Media personas often seem more real to people than the hard grind of reality. The easy victories of our dreams become the messy struggles for outcomes that always seem elusive. The muck of politics replaces the irresistible perfection of dreamed moments.

I liked the poem which captured the theme of the competition you entered very well.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was a freeverse, so structural violations of this or that poetic format.


Thanks for sharing.

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497
497
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Willy I found " Influenza and Covid19?"  when searching for articles on covid. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Writing at the very beginning of the Pandemic two years ago now the author suggests Covid is hardly that much worse than flu so let us get it into perspective.


*Quill*Commentary

Writing with 20-20 Hindsight and more facts at my disposal than were available in April 2020 I conclude the author was deeply wrong.

Peak flu was running at about 25-30k deaths in the worst seasons in NHS England.

Covid Deaths over the last two years in England have topped 133k and that with masks, social distancing, and even vaccines hardly employed at anything like the same scale with flu. Clearly, Covid is more deadly and more transmissible. Deaths are still running at 400 a day with 85K cases yesterday.

My uncle was one of those who died of covid. Yes, he also had other underlying issues. But covid was identified as the cause, rightly, because it pushed everything else over the edge and triggered his final accelerated rush to the grave, alone in a hospital without friends or family to comfort him in his final hours. Five other far younger members of my family have had it and shrugged it off.

This is not just killing pensioners, as if their loves are somehow worthless, with more than 12000 non pensioners also dying. It is mainly people with underlying conditions who have died outside of old age. Eventually, we all get old and this illness is here to stay so defeating this illness seems like a priority for the future of most people. It is something that hits males of all age groups harder than females.

But something that is often overlooked is the incidence of long covid out there. With flu, you die or recover but covid has maimed people for prolonged periods. There are estimates of some 10-30 % of people developing long covid with debilitating effects. One lady I know with this is only in her early forties.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Was more interested in the errors in the content. But nothing major was found.


Thanks for sharing.

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498
498
Review of Death  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, PoetInTheInside . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I noticed "Death"  while browsing your portfolio. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A twenty-two-year-old female discusses death without any idea about what comes next. She thinks pat answers are meant to be reassuring but does not seem that convinced by any of them. She thinks that death is inevitable and even welcomes the idea of dying in a car crash young at twenty-seven. She lives for herself and tries to be authentic in pursuing her own ends but without marriage, kids, or the promise of long life. She considers living for others to be inauthenticity.
She believes she will be at peace when she dies though she gives no good reason for that. She will donate all her organs.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This does read as being a little naive and egotistical. You live for yourself and do not contemplate sharing your life with anyone else. There is also sterility about a vision without actual reproduction. The naivety here is that even though you have no firm reasons for thinking death is a good thing you welcome it. But what if a life lived for yourself earns you a ticket to hell, how could you be at peace then. This notion of death as an ending fits a nihilistic materialistic perspective of death better than a religious outlook of any sort. But to be honest it reads as a little empty of any long-term feeling for others. Donating your organs after you no longer need them is only partially a rescuing act of benevolence. I hope you live longer than twenty-seven. There was a man if you could call him just a man who came back from the dead to talk to us about it. But you might have to go to a church to find out about Him.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Numbers under twenty should definitely be written.

We don't want to die, we do everything to avoid death because not only we are sacred by ii but also scared by others' deaths, our loved ones.
- We don't want to die. We do everything we can to avoid death because not only are we scared by it but we are also scared by others' deaths, and especially those of our loved ones.

Thanks for sharing.

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499
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Graywriter . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I noticed "Proposal in Chocolate"  while browsing your portfolio. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Very funny account of how Gil proposed to Deirdre. She insisted he be creative and after wracking his brains and exploring various options he came up with the perfect chocolate solution, or was it?...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So Deidre thinks she is entitled to a little more creativity than has yet been displayed. The list of possibilities is hilarious and the chocolate solution seemed like a solid one. But maybe he should have researched her chocolate tastes a little more thoroughly and in fact, he should have known this. I guess he definitely knows it now.

There is an element of waste in this whole romance lark. Especially if you do not quite pull it off or did not know your fiances taste in chocolate. I wonder who got the ring in the end.

This read as being quite authentic even though you did not say it was biographical by genre.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

I separated the egg into to halves - I separated the egg into two halves


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of The Family Bible  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon . This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* "The Family Bible"  fits the Raid Review Comedy theme for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A family bible includes the birth and death date information of the family going back generations. But little Tommy discovers something altogether more ancient and important still.

*Quill*Commentary

I have always wondered how this sort of thing worked. I have a large family and have worked out the genealogy going back three centuries. My family consistently had loads of kids. So who got the ancient bible? Moreover, they were always moving around, country to country and so it could really be anywhere. Unless that it is it followed the principle of primogeniture and is, therefore, the heirloom of some gentleman farmer in Shakespeare country near Stratford on Avon. I wonder if there is a leaf in those pages?

Anyway, I digress. This was brilliant. The punch line would have made me spill my coffee if I had not already finished it.

I really could not fault this in any way - so five stars.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

None


Thanks for sharing.

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