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701
701
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I would not agree with your assesment, I find it has value.

The thing with poetry, people may interpret differently than you felt or 'saw' when you were writing it.

Your first verse reminds me of a lady I know who is schizophrenic (pardon spelling)
She lives a miserable life, even with being on medication. It also reminds me when Satans influence attacks and sucks all the light and life out of you

The second verse reminds me of how I feel when praying, or singing hymns or reading scriptures. I really like this verse, all full of light and hope.

Your last verse, unfortunately, is so true. Too many people can and do spin events, truth and all to how they want to see it.

Nicely done. Give yourself some credit

love, LinnAnn

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702
702
Review of A Haiku for You  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Winter warmth, without,---I'm not sure what you mean here. she didn't give warmth? or you're glad she isn't with you because she was cold? Or you don't have warmth?

I'm not sure what you found in the silent moments.

But I sure understand the 'keep him, I'm happy" My ex can keep her, and he's not happy, and tha's fine with me too. lol

I wish you the best.
love, LinnAnn

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703
703
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Is it that I'm too tired, or are there no listed reviews to make? Isn't this the place where we click on the people to review?
Happy New Year
love, LinnAnn

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704
704
Review of Glass  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I stare at the glaze of the train window,--do you mean the glass, or frost on the glass? I"m not sure what you mean.

irises illuminate with subconscious greens and blues.--I"m not sure subconscious is the word you want. It sounds like YOU are changing your eye color without thought instead of them flickering colors reflected from the outside scenery.

my face swims through the countryside like a breath of wind.---I REALLY like this line.

My glasses showed me the words of a book.--What happened to the train? If you are elsewhere, you may want a smoother transition line.

leave me with the heavy air--I was lead to believe it would be cold or frigid air, which is what makes it heavy?

Shutting this window of words--again, nicely done, I'm impressed with your ability to weave the web of words that so nicely ensnare me

frame of gold, smiling with the heat of a swollen pain--I"m not sure I get this line. she seems enticing to you then you liken her to a hurt?

movement of flickering colours and letters --I dont' get the 'letters'

glasses, perched upon my nose, the --with the comma after glasses, it makes it sound like the glasses are on your nose. If you take that comma out, then it makes them sound absent

room shrinks to only us – shrinks to accommodate only her.--either this is contradictory or you may want to add the word 'again as in shrinks again to accommodate only her.

sun rises in my world during the night--nicely said

a whisper of lightning.--also nicely done

You have some wonderful word weaving here.

love, LinnAnn

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705
705
Review of Winter Solstice  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was just way too short. I wanted it to continue. I did like it.

After the longest, darkest night--This line alone can be interpreted so many ways. A long night in Alaska that can last months, or a long 'night' of despair from grief and loss, or just being alone, cut off from God through sin, or even a night filled with storm and destruction

We welcome back bright heaven's light---And this line in its' simplicity telling us whatever it was is blessedly over.

And help the waking world grow strong.--could be a person, or literally the world.

Nicely done.
Merry Christmas

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706
706
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
My review disappeared.

I saw the years of my youth slip away, without concern.
Not knowing any better, I became comfortable in my inner misery.---the first line says 'without concern' leading me to think it was enjoyable yet you then say you became comfortable in misery. This confuses me.

The barbed wire that surrounded my heart, corroded. --corroded hints at negative yet you then say you had joy. this also confused me. the line arbout corroding was intriguing. That is good.

Merry Christmas

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707
707
Review of Help?  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Sorry bout the typos and I can hardly see. Also my computer is about 5-6 lines behind my typing as it's about 12-15 years old.

practically packed for medical school and same for me for law school---
So we say our goodbyes promising to stay in touch --Saying almost packed and saying goodbye in same sentence doesn't work. Need to separeate the thoughts.

I practically ran round my desk to the intercom to tell my assistant to take Sam down to the directors office and leave him there until I went to get him. Then, over the intercom I asked the director to watch Sam for a while. ---I"m not seeing why you'd thnk the director would babysit you, and why you would ask AFTER you made arraingements to send hm there.

my door say a eight year old boy sitting ---say?

---------------------------------------------

Since you are speaking from the viewpoint of a lawyer, you have to have the spelling and all correct.

also, you need to have all the first part in dialogue, show don't tell. If you were looking at a tv show and the screen was white, and you only heard the narrator, how thrilled would you be? Give us scenery, dialogue. Read a favorite book and see how much dialogue is in each page.

You cover nine months here in only one page and the dialogue is only in the last little part. Let us hear them saying goodbye. Give us some scenes where she is having to deal with the grief of saying goodbye to her new baby. The going to school while kid has chicken pox. Trust me, that one is hard as no one wants to watch a contagious kid. I did have good Proffs though, they were very kind.

You have an interesting premis, go for it.
I wish you the best.
love, LinnAnn

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708
708
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
falling onto the spring blossoms of a cherry tree.
It had been warm earlier in the week,
but a cold northern wind crept down for a last blast on the land.----We had this inreverse. The flower blossoms faded and then we had snow and ice, then a warm trend and the flower shrubs started to bud out. then more snow and ice, and they all died.

YOu described it well.

With a shiver, she melted into a dewdrop and fell to the ground.--I"M not sure if 'dewdrop' is the right word as it makes a mental picture of it forming on the ground.

As a reminder of all the beautiful snowflakes of winter,
The tree sent down a fluttering shower of pink petals---The petals usually fall off my trees 'after' spring and hopefully after they've been pollinated. I'ts usually nt the beginning of spring or there would not be any flowers or fruit. Bees don't come out when it's that cold and if the blossoms are gone, what can they pollinate?

I know this sounds picky, but if you want to acptivate and keep your reader, you may want to think of those things so you don't loose them.

On a whole, nicely done. I like the way you gave a voice to the snowflakes. I also like how you made the poem an eternal round of rebirth.

love, LinnAnn

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709
709
Review of First drum set  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
My last name is Pike, wonder if we're related waaay back. lol
This was adorable. I got one of my grandsons a drum set to help him with his therapy. His left side had seizures and the drums were the way I got him to use his left hand. So this touched me

but...the following lines---that brighten the day for his mom with the plugs
lighten the night for his dad with the plugs---The first thing I thought of was hair plugs, not ear plugs, just a funny thought, don't mind me it's late. lol

I wish it had a bit more symmetry Your first verse is three lines,before the can, can, can with one word in the fourth line

Next verse is four lines before the ears, but the last verse is only three lines.

Again, very cute.
love, LinnAnn

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710
710
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please pardon in advance any typos, my glasses were stolen.
--------

bah-rum-ba-bum-bum…”---The published words are "pa rum pa rum pum, rum pa rum pum, rum pa rum pum.

family wasn’t eating well, and over the years she’d amassed a collection of tableware to mollify her qualms.--I do not understand this. If someone is worried people aren't eating, how is spending money on fancy collectible dishes going to help?

“Whose that for?” he asked.---Whose is asking a question as in "Whose tree is that?"
You mean here, "Who is that for" so it's "Who's that for?" The correct way would be 'To whom is that for?" But the way I showed with the contraction is okay to show the way someone speaks.
-------------
You brought a lump to m;y throat and tears to my eyes. Nicely done.
love, LinnAnn

{ittem:1457189}
711
711
Review of Just Remember Me  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
maybe someone will recognize me--this should be in italics also as it's a thought

There is no way that I’m in New York… I would’ve had to remember something about it… right?--again, italics as it's a thought

New York-type accent--I didnt find New Yorkers having a strong accent when I was there, but maybe in Queens or the Bronx? You might want to check on it

not recognizing the person inside of it.---do you mean reflected in it?

Her bloodshot green eyes were the first things I noticed--I'm not sure her eyes would show up that well in only a window reflection

considering the slight tangles in my hair and my eyes. ---You are saying she has tangles in her eyes. How about, "tangles in my hair and the redness in my eyes'?

“Is she okay?!” “Help her!!” “What happened?” “Don’t worry, we’re here to help; can you hear me?!” ---Since these are not her thoughts they should not be in italics.

Now am I going insane?! --Starting with the word'now' makes it sound like she was waiting for it.

Strangely, he was one of the only people I’ve recognized in this whole situation. Why? I thought, Why me?---Your topic starts out with 'he' then you switche to why me? --You lost me.


TYhis has the makings of a good story. it as confusing in spots, but I think it's totally fixable. I hope you do as it has merit.
love, LinnAnn

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712
712
Review of Christmas  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
PLease pardon any typos, lost my glases and my computer is so slow, it's about 4-5 lines behind my typing.

on the eve of the Christmas carnival, on a crowd bursting ----do you mean 'in' a crowd?

throat which she fiddled with her free hand,---throat at which she fiddled with her free hand

She pulled along the little girl attached to one hand, Isobel, with her flossy black ---which one is isobel? the 'she' or the little girl?

as her tiny rosebud mouth open in ---opened

turned to find an artist sat on his stool, ---artist sitting on his stool

The air puffed with his cold breath---the air didn't puff, his breath puffed in the cold air. the breath would be warm, thus the steam

“I don’t know, perhaps you should ask her. I’m just Annie.”--her? again who is Annie, the woman or the child? I know you explain better later on, but your reader doesn't want to be confused throughout most of your piece.

Isobel’s giggle sounded like chimes of bells as she pulled on her hand, jumping on her red plastic toes like she wanted to take flight.--you have four she's or hers and nothing to distinguish between Isobel and Annie

“Isn’t it pretty?” Annie lifted Isobel ---Which person is speaking?

Turning to stall holder ---maybe instead, turning to the vendor?

handed over her last five pound note ---It may be touching, but as amother of 5 -I would not buy a trinket and not have any money left for food for my child, let alone not have enough for a place to sleep.

A note of hope would be to have them at least at a shelter and give the gift as the toddler fell asleep.

These are just my observations, I hope they help. This is a very sweet story.

Love, LinnAnn

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713
713
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I have lost my glasses , so please pardon any typos. I'm leaning over my hands trying to see the screen as best I can. lol

Usually I have lots to suggest to writers, but your piece was very well done! It had good pacing, sentences were of good length. Your hadnling of suspense was also well done. The bit of twist at the end was good, but you left me wondering what she saw coming across the lake. You made it sound like ti wasn't the husband, so is the lake haunted? lol
love, LinnAnn

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714
714
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I dream in a world of broken things,
Where Angels fly with tattered wings.---Very nicely done. good imagery. heartfelt

Try as I may,
I can't figure out
How a world such as this can exist with such doubt.---most of your verses are two lines.You may want to do the same with this and the other one that has three lines.

Twisted emotions and beautiful bones,---this drew me out of your poem, --bones, made picture a skeleton, not your poem
----------------------------------------------------------------
Why am I here, in this crazy place?
Everything is floating, as if it's in space.
You start these two verses with the same 'why am I here?'

Why am I here?
There's something wrong.
The Angels are singing a disturbing song.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

You have some good stuff here. You may want to consider the comments i wrote

love, LinnAnn

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715
715
Review of Love  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I am unfamiliar with this style of poetry. Is it fre verse totally or are there requirements for meter and line length? If there is not, you might want to try seeing if you can express your feelings while working on form. You can experiment on making the lines meter fit a pattern.

I would like to know more about why you can't stop thinking about him. What makes him so special to you? Share that with the reader and you draw them in. Let us take a pek into your heart.

Why are you concernred about hurting him? Have you before, or are you afraid something you are doing now might hurt him?

"You are the best ever"--The best what? Boyfriend, husband, brother, sister ? Help give us a more complete picture.

You have the beginnings of a good poem. Let it grow and blossom fuller. You can do it. You have the heart of a poet, let it express itself more fully.
love, LinnAnn

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716
716
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
I"M totally confused. I thought I as already signed up but I guess not as I looked at al lthe names on the colores listings. Marsha Musselman said she would sponser me, but I guess I goofed. I am signed up on the official NaNoWriMo site and hve recorded words totals. I don't kno w what else to do. Thanks
love, LinnAnn
717
717
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed this poem. Even if there are a couple of spots that I didnt understand.

Is this a particular style of poem? I noticed that the amount of lines in the front half and the second half don't match. If this is not a 'style' then you may want to make it more even.

Only pride comforts me on this side. --why? does this person belong there but is upset? or is this person working and pride in their job keeps them from going home? Or is this a homeless person to prideful to go to a shelter?

Mummies clang pots and pans;--Homeless wrapped up in cloth? I don't understand

Another’s supper on a bitter wind
Teasing those of us not yet in. ---;---This was worded wonderfully! I do like this rhyme set. .

A pause. --why?

And then a bang, bang, bang!--wht does this mean?

Little feet pound wooden hills;

And balk at their green meals.--I dont et this part either, the little feet?


Damn! How winter lingers. --great last line!

Love, LinnAnn

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718
718
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Rhoda spoke of the past, telling me about her mother who came to the states from Poland---This would have been a great place to share some of the stories she shared with you. You put the hook in front of our faces, but didn't put the worm on to reel us in.

up to twelve.” It’s very fulfilling to ---If all the preceding and what follows is her talking , take the quote marks out after 'twelve' as it's all the same speaker.

If there was a word limit I guess I can see why you didn't expand on the 'stories' of her families past. it would have been nice to read them.
Nice interview.
love, LinnAnn

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719
719
Review of Her in Me  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed your homage to your mother. I hope you have shared it with her! I also love the way you ended each verse with the strength and the body part that it affects.

Her love is in me,
Free to those deserving,---Sometimes others may not 'deserve' our love, but they still need it. I hope you ponder this, as I'm sure your mom may have had times when she didn't feel like loving an errant child, but did anyway. lol

thank you for sharing this with us. t thouroughly enjoyed it.

love, LinnAnn

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720
720
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I never felt any of those while I lived with my mum in small town wagga, redknecks and bogans ---If 'wagga' is the name of the town, capitalize it. What is a 'bogan'?

The world is full of those who don't feel comfortable living with their mums. lol

turn it of Lou---do you mean turn it off?

Love you to mum. ---when something is in excess it's 'too'

The hustles were the hardest bit, making a living on the streets, the parties and the coke, and then home to crash in front of the Telly with a takeaway box and cigarette before bed. Ah, I said home, a trashy rundown apartment at the back end of nowhere.---This part confuses me, are you speaking of your home where you were raised, or the song, or the home you are at now?

I don’t need here I’m strong---I don't need (her) here.

LIttle typos, and I take it you are from Sydney? Your slang was pretty much understandable. ONly the one word got away from me. lol

I dn't know if you are just writing about the change, or if you really have had it done. If this is real, then I hope you are well and doing okay adapting. If this is fiction, you did a very good job.

love, LinnAnn

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721
721
Review of Concrete Cats  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm sitting here cracking up, laughing out loud. What a great poem. You did it'wonderfully well. I have no idea what inspired you to write about concrete cats but it's uproariously funny.

Guess it’s better than fleshy splatter--delicate way to put it, lol

It’s just a case of cat over matter ---Not sure what you meant by this, but it rhymed beautifully!

Thanks for sharing.

love, Linnann

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722
722
Review of Lost Tries  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Denied you pained you betrayed you?---you may want to put commas in to make sure the meaning you want is the one you write.


He looked and said take my hands---and said,"take my hand. Never let go, I'll carry you through the land."--I took out the 's' so it would still go with the loater lines.
Never let go, I'll carry you though the lands.---You need to put the quote punctuation marks in.

She stared at him and said she understands.---and said,"I understand."

She begged him please never let go of her hands.---begged him, "Please never let go of my hand."

She cried and cried this is when it always started.--put a period after 'cried.'

She was about to let go and he began to cry fainthearted. ---comma after 'cry'

Her eyes widened she gripped his hand and realized his eyes.---realized goes with a situation or idea not with eyes. --- and reclaimed his eyes.

"I love you." I will not deny you or betray you.
I may hurt you, but I have decided that is part of I love you.
I will never let go and I will hold you tighter than you've ever been held for I love you. ---I think this whole part belongs in quotes.

He thought girls didn't exist who were refined.---Again, needs quote punctuation

They remained intertwined for life, their hearts shined♥--This sentence doesn't quite work.

If you look at your poem as a whole, see how the lines aren't even? the don't all need to be, but the syllables need to be close as in, all first lines should be similar in meter, all 2nd lines same to each other in length or meter etc.

You have put some good feeling into your work, I think if you tidy it up it will be a lot better. Give it a shot.

love, LinnAnn

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723
723
Review of Betsy's Big Itch  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
My cmputer is old so words show up three lines after I type them, and my eyes are going , so pardon MY typos. lol

"Mayvbe you should go wahs up again."--little typos

Betsy thought to herself" maybe the grey parts of my skin are dirty and that's why it itches. I wonder what would happen if I use the cloth to clean my legs?"--thoughts are often shown in italics. Check some of the 'how to' books and some books you read that have internal dialogue.

That is a cute story! None of my kids disliked baths. lol I had a hard time getting them out of the tub! lol Thank you for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

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724
724
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
My eyes are going , so pardon typos. It's after 4 a.m. and I can't see very well.

I"m trying to figureout the pattern of your poem You started out AA BB then your rhym quit except the word round every third line. Is there a name for this type of peotry or did you just happen to do it this way?

I gave it away, lost it on a horse, a dog and a wife.--This reminds me of the childrens song "I've got sixpence, jolly jolly sixpence. I've got sixpence to last me all my life..."

A rouble here a drachma there--Do you mean "ruble"?

it don’t matter

As long as the world goes round.--You have a wonderful last line. It's so true.

love, LinnAnn

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725
725
Review of Spinning Circle  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The whipping of tall,solid trees.--I like the 'whipping', good origiinal word.
The screaming of someone in a flat.--you bring about so many snippets of emotion
The gental tapping of meaningful tears.--gentle

The sound of a lovers spin chilling breath.--I have no idea what this sentence means. If you could take the time to explain I would appreciate it.

The gripping proposal word maybe.--I didn't get this either.

The tremberling worlds of the upset.--trembling (very thought provoking)
Three presents,francansince gold and mryth.--do you mean myrrh (gifts to the Christ child? or did you really mean mirth?)

I found this poem very though provoking. Thank you for sharing.

love, LinnAnn

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