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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/linnann/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/25
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1,858 Public Reviews Given
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601
601
Review of CRADLE ME  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I kissed the sun,
for I wanted to share his light;--since you mention losing faith...do mean kissed the son?

cold was I left within calculating darkness,...
and I soon lost my faith!--this happens to just about everyone to greater or lesser degrees.

I didnt understand the second verse, but the despair is evident.

I have often wondered if the clay and dust,
from which the weary body is made,
can feel the pain within the heart ----the answer to this is YES! there is proof that the heart does in fact ache and have a feeling of being 'broken' when we feel despair

I pray the earth shall embrace me soon,
tightly as a mother would her tearful child...--there is a deep saddness in this thought. So many lonely people feel this way. They are not able to hang in there for one more day. We often feel alone, and yet we fear to reach out to those who can help us.

If this is how you really feel, we can always talk. There are a lot of people here who also feel this way. Writing is a good way to express it. Hang in there. You expressed it well.

love, LinnAnn

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602
602
Review of The Garden  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (2.5)
I read this and it was beautiful until I got to the swear word. I couldn't understand why you were swearing about all the peace and beauty. Then as i read further and the tone changed, I understood the swearing.

I still did not understnad the ending. So, I reread the poem.

I spun around, --I thought of a dancer at first...then you mentioned hammock

Something dizzying,
Something frightening
Something awestruck
But I was too overwhelmed to hear much.--This is where I got confused. the frightening was a clue things were going to change. The hearing threw me.

Of course, all love comes crashing down --I didn't know we were talking about love until now. Why was it crashing?

My rendezvous with joy in that
Tattered garden
Healed me to a point beyond despair.--This sounded good, but you had not mentioned anything about the garden being tattered.

so although there were parts I enjoyed there was so much I did not understand.

I do appreciate your effort and your willingness to put yourself out there. Thank you so much.

Love, LinnAnn

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603
603
Review of Yours To Hold  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
If you click on the spot that keeps your set up, it won't change. Or...if you meant this to be all one paragraph, it makes it very hard to read.

I do hope that this isn't fact. I would not want anyone to carry those feelings around.I understand the horror of feeling responsible, I've seen it in students faces after the fact.

I was touched by this essay. If this is real, I hope you can find a way to heal and help.

love, LinnAnn

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604
604
Review of A Single Rose  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I know this may sound silly6, but the first image that popped into my mind was the rose encased in glass in Beauty and the Beast.

Then I wondered why you were sleeping. Had your love given you the rose and now you are sleeping, dreaming of the event?

You leave us with questions, and that is not bad, but a hint would be nice. lol

Thank you for sharing this lovely little poem.

love, LinnAnn

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605
605
Review of A Teacher's Poem  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like and identify with your poem. In our town we have a 60% drop out rate at the high school. That of course leads to a lot of uneducated people that have no work ethics, no self esteem, can't hold down a job etc.

I feel you have done a good job with the rhyming, not reaching for it but letting it seem easy and smooth.

Your meter is a bit off but the message still comes through nicely.

You've obviously put a lot of thought into the fate of our youth and it shows in your poem.

Love, LinnAnn

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606
606
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
When I was a month shy of my sixteenth birthday,
I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis . . . ---I have total sympathy for you. I was diagnosed at age 13.

how much mine loved me and rallied around me,--nicely put. You were fortunate to learn that early. I know middle aged people who still haven't learned that.

I learned how to be sensitive and caring --I'm glad you had wonderful people in your life to teach you valuable lessons.

ultimately finding the light which was there all along. --maybe the most valuable lesson of all

I wouldn't be the person I am today.--You are wise in so many ways, You are in my prayers.

love, LinnAnn

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607
607
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed this. I wish I'd seen this or the tour guide when I first got here. Fortunately I have found one of the people that award points. I like that you put in conversation and made it a story rather than just directions. This was very cute. I also like that you put in about the signatures.

love, LinnAnn

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608
608
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Your rythm is off and it made me stumble a bit when I read your poem.
I can see you put a lot of effort to make it rhyme.

You'll find it in Oz, wherever you roam.--This threw me off. What has OZ got to do with the spread? I don't recall them eating it in the movie, how does it fit here.

through the holes in the bikkies,--What is that?

"We Come from a Land Down Under", --I"ll have to listen to that song again. I do not recall them singing about crackers and a B vitamin spread.

Your last verse was cute and fun.

love, LinnAnn

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609
609
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
You went into great detail in the first paragraph. I wonder if this would benefit with the conversation between the two women. Meg could vocalize her feelings about the vegemite. Build up the suspense a bit that way.

all aquiver with anticipation --this sentence seemed a bit over the top, just a too much.

Vegemite-Vita-Weat-biscuit sandwich in my mouth.--you go from the cracker sandwich to how much you care for your friend, her family, the vietnam vet, etc. You didn't tie it in with the topic.

You don't tell us about your reaction to the vegemite. You could have gotten some good laughs with that. lol Your last sentence hints at it, but I think it could go a bit further.

Thanks for sharing this with us. I hope you put some comedy in there, but that is only my personal opinion. lol

Love, LinnAnn

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610
610
Review of The Visitor  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was very lovely, tender and sweet.
I just think of a tv screen and I've go characters there, but none of them do much talking. Some unseen voice tells us what they're doing but the characters aren't really involved. they don't reach out to us.

He stirred in his bed, and as he did this she looked up, then moved swiftly to his side, taking a seat beside him on the bed.--This would be a great place to start having conversation.

I realize the tiny bit of talking the two characters do makes it more dramatic. But just seems abit too bare. That is only my opinion. I still found this very touching. Thank you for sharing.

love, LinnAnn

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611
611
Review of Tip, Tip, Tinkle  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I have old glasses and this tiny print is hard for me to see, pardon my typos.

You might want to read this aloud and pause at the commas to see how it sounds. Some of the comma placements sound odd. Even my windows XP makes goofs with them. lol

Some would have found the repetitive, tinny chime of the little bell that hung from the budgerigar's mirror intolerable, but to the glassy-eyed old man in the chair this was the familiar lullaby that shooed him into his afternoon siesta daily. --40+ words is usually too long for a sentence.

hung from the budgerigar's --I had to get out my huge tome of a dictionary to find out what that was. If this story is for others than petshop owners, or specialists, you might want to just say, parakeet. lol

afternoon siesta daily.--To get the nap across stonger, I'd say ...daily afternoon siesta. If he's not Hispanic or in a Latin American country, I'd say nap. Unless it's a major point to the story.

Delicately, precisely the shabby, little yellow bird --Delicately, precisely, the shabby little yellow bird--moved the comma and how is a bird shabby? the cage I could understand, but the bird confuses me.

careered up and down --I think you mean careened. you have a word meaning a job.

took turns to push each other --took turns pushing each other

. From the old man's afternoon vantage point the clip was always the same: feathery sawdust scattered on the sun-faded red of the floor of the cage, a mercifully brief glimpse of some papery, old codger, and then the long frame, perhaps a whole second, as the mirror travelled imperceptibly across the invisible border between aged magnolia wall and aged magnolia ceiling. --over 60 words.

slumber of afternoon would seep into the folds and creases of the elderly face.--I really liked this phrase.

. Ignoring the sleep-now film? --If you are going to name it, capitalize Sleep-Now film.

and eye-balled the offender--eyeballed (one word)

a bit whiffy with age--what does 'whify' mean?

stiff, yellowed nets--he had fishing nets hanging in the window? I hang mine on an outside railing. lol

A bright, silver dollar --first you call it this
a tiny planet of hot light--then you call it this--mixing the two confuses the reader, it puts two different images in their mind. You might want to consider using only one

draw new colour --to draw new colour

more air even the old man's --more (air,)

In the clamour of the clear-up--clamor

this was a very touching story. You were very delicate in telling about the death. Nicely done.

Love, LinnAnn

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612
612
Review of The Haircut  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
the same every time she brushed my hair--There is painless way to brush long hair, but so few moms want to take the textra time to do it that way.

Braiding it at night helps keep it from tangling.

Your mother sounds a lot like my step mother. I'm sorry if this is true.

Teh ending hints of creepy and vile. My dad cried when my hair got cut. But he wasn't creepy. I Hope this was fiction.

love, LinnAnn

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613
613
Review of The window  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
not one inperfection too be found--The too you used, means 'also' or 'too much'. you want 'to'

but from the inside , its a world of adventure , beauty and class

it makes no sense what-so-ever---I don't get this sentence. From the way you say it, it sounds like the room it looks into is full of excitement. Is this what you meant?

until one day i have enough --enough what?

and break through the glass so tough --you don't tell us what has held you captive, or why?
i am free --free from what?

Poetry is always clearer to the writer, but I wish you'd been a little bit clearer about what is holding you captive and why.

love, LinnAnn

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614
614
Review of The Best Revenge  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Do you see me having fun?

Do you miss our little talks?

Do you imagine my face?

Are you jealous and alone?

At the end of each little verse, you ask a question. All of them are concerning whether or not he misses or feels something about you.

Aloof, distant, letting you go
Watch me as I walk away. ---From all the examples of questions, an this last verse...I don't think you let go. But you are trying! lol

Revenge never feels as good as one would imagine. But getting on with your life, that works for everyone! lol

love, LinnAnn

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615
615
Review of Dracula Essay  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Leaving our marriage, leaving our home, leaving me.--not the marriage dear, but yes leaving the honeymoon. lol

I spent my time counting his time gone. I slept only to make my time here without him pass faster, but when I closed my eyes, I saw only his eyes, fiery and vicious as they reflected the death he was creating. Inside my nightmares, my love was there, plunging his sword into the hot gut of the enemy. I smiled that he did not let them die immediately, but that he let them suffer, suffer, until they walked through the gates of Hell to suffer for an eternity. They were the enemy, they were taking my husband from me, and if I had a sword and shield, I would extinguish their worthlessness with all of my rage. ----I didn't get this whole paragraph or the next.

I prayed to the God I knew no longer existed.--If He no longer exists, then why pray to Him?

our two banished souls could search eternally for a place we would never belong.--Why search for a place you cannot belong to?

If she din't read the note, how does she know he's dead? It couldhave been a ransome note. The enemy often held royalty for ransom. One guy was imprisioned for over 20 years as he was in line for the throne. To kill him would be treason, but keeping him out of the running was okay I guess. lol

This sounds like it's for a romance novel. I would work to make it clearer to the reader. After you do that, it may be good enough to submit. But the reader can't get lost in the words.

love, LinnAnn

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616
616
Review of More About Me  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
For those of you whom have --I"m not all knowing about this, but isn't 'whom' for not action people? Shouldn't this be 'who'?

Gift points are nice, but I find the best gifts ever received(are) the ones of REAL

for it matters not what a reviewer thinks, --If the reviewer notices goofs, or points out little boo boos, then shouldn't we care?

for I would never purposefully hurt or offend another.--I totally understand this

I am very glad you feel well enough to write again. Glad you are back.
love, LinnAnn

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617
617
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
You made me chuckle, and at 1:30 in the morning, that is amazing. lol

There I was, minding my own business. --Now, think about it. Were you really minding your own business if you were posting comments at other peoples sites and works? HA! I think not. lol

I think this is very clever. Takes a real writer to come up with this sort of thing out of such a teeny, tiny prompt. lol

love, LinnAnn

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618
618
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
I have read in many 'how to' books that prologues should be included in the story. To have characters tell it to us in their dialogue is the best. I realize you are setting the mood, but I'm one of those people that doesn't want the 'power' or 'fame'. I wouldn't give up everything for a 'dream'.

If your characters are discussing this, THEY can debate the pros and cons of such decisions.

If you stick with the prologue, make it shorter or people will just skim over it to get to the 'action'.

love, LinnAnn

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619
619
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Every time I saw you my heart fluttered with the ferocity of a thousand butterflies, my smile ever present and unwavering with you near. --What a lovely and precious sentence.

A weak smile etched itself across my face at the memory of you, marred by the tears that streaked relentlessly down my cheeks.--To go from such happiness to such despair in one heartbeat.

Such a very vivid description, so heartbreakingly real. If this is not fiction, I hope you have found some solace.

Love, LinnAnn

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620
620
Review of Dead Red Roses  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Throughout most of the poem the rythm flows seemingly effortlessly. I was very impress that there was no stretching or forced feeling. When I got to verse six, you agan seemed to effortlessly tell of what the problem was about. I know it probably took a great deal of effort. You did it well.

the last three verses weren't quite as smooth.

A childhood erratic emphatic with fears --You might consider putting a comma after erratic. Read it aloud and see if you pause there for clarity.

No blood on blood can love or dare to share--I totally missed the meaning of this line

Illusion with confusion then to war .---I love the flow of this, but didn't get it
As wasted-worn tore through my inner core --didn't understand this

For now the time has come to heal the mind ---I love this shining ray of hope

Your last verse was so uplifting and encouraging. I don't get the last line but it has beautiful imagery. I love it.

thanks for sharing this with us.

Love, LinnAnn

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621
621
Review of The Smoke Ballet  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! I was so enthralled by your poem.

By not telling me what the smoke was caused by, you kept some mystery.

Soft Swirls of smoke linger for a time--I love the triple sibilants

to twirl timidly, --I like the 'twirl' close, but not swirl, and two 't's in a row.

perform their melancholy dance.--You hint at sorrow, but you don't elaborate, that pulls me out of the mood you have so carefully set. Love lost?

You mention a curtain closing and reality.

fade away
with the temporary smoke ballet.---none of the poem rhymes except these last two lines. I love the last three words, and the bit of rhyme is great. I rarely give '5's

Love, LinnAnn

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622
622
Review of My Love  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This was a touching poem. I'm not sure if I understood it as poetry is often understood more by the writer. lol

this sounds like you are giving God the credit for your writing, and that you write for a loved one. am I correct? Becaues later you write...



i beg you form the lord--do you mean from the Lord? (Lord should be capitalized)
to make you mine--sweet

I am not eternal, i have to go--but then you say goodbye as if you are dying now. I certainly hope not!

several lines I really liked--
With chords and guitars
i am a song
you are my chime--Very lovely


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623
623
Review of Knight of Hues  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Most often poetry is most understood by the poet. Someimes we put forth little seedings of the fast forest inside of us.

What if the lustrous skies were pink;--The clouds often are where I live. lol I love pink skies. lol

I totally do not understand what the odd colors you mention have to do with seefdlings fertile.

this was very colorful but cryptic

thank you for sharing, and May you have lovely pink clouds.

love, LinnAnn

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624
624
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Yes, a very dark and despairing poem. I do not understand much of it, but poetry is like that. It is always clearer to those that write it

I understand the sinking into the couch, I sink into my hospital bed.

Counting all the change and souls I've found--I understand finding change in the couch, but not the souls, that puzzles me

I am so sorry. Maybe someone else can understand it better and give you a better critique.

For what it's worth, whatever caused this grief and despare, I hope it has or will resolve soon.

love, LinnAnn

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625
625
Review of My Angel  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I wrie free verse poetry and am not familar with all the styles. I'm not sure why the first verse has three and the next has four.

I feel your grief. I have also suffered the lost of a baby, and others in my family. I do hope you are healing.

I was the person who told her everything would be all right.--and it is for her. She is in loving arms right now.

I never imagined I'd have to bury my own,--I have heard , even this week, No parent should have to bury/ outlive their child.

The feeling inside of me will never be told.--I don't know if you realize it, but sweetheart, you have just told us. My prayers are with you, from one mom to another.

love, LinnAnn

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