*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/linnann/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/22
Review Requests: OFF
1,860 Public Reviews Given
1,860 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 18 19 20 21 -22- 23 24 25 26 27 ... Next
526
526
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I"m not sure if this is a specific type of poetry so don't know if I should comment on the lines being different in syllables and length.

Your poem is strong and heartbreaking. It held my interest. I felt the grief of the girl and wanted to tell her , he wasn't worth it, and not worthy of her affection.

The visual of the first two verses was very tender and 'like lace' was so extra tender and touching.

The last two lines bother me the most, cause I've seen so many women end up suffering for decades before they find out they are worth better.
Thanks for sharing this with us.

Love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
527
527
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
He realized a weird bird singing.--realized he saw, heard, recognized?

gazed at the bird trying to figure what species--might want a comma after bird. Otherwise it sounds like the bird is doing the figuring. lol

The bird kept following Thomas with its head.--because the next sentence ends with 'head' you might switch word order in this.-The birds head moved as it followed Thomas' movements'

I’m trapped in this unknown --How would he know unless he tried to get out?

I did wonder why the man followed the bird.

It seemed you left out the puzzle. Fill us in on what it was and how he solved it. Then fill us in on the man who was the bird, why was he enchanted? Could he at least give us a clue? lol

Filled in a bit more, this could be a great kids book. you could have the enchantment at the beginning, fill in more about the route to the cave. Why the puzzle on the wall?

You have me intrigued and wanting more. INtrigued is a good thing.

love, LinnAnn

Reviewing image for SAJ and SP

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
528
528
Review of Onward  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I"m not a pro, so no yelling if I get something wrong. lol
I love sci fi and this is the first I*ve read here. Thanks!

something skittering by and the robot whirled to the right--I velieve it's 'skittering past' (My dad used to drill that into me.)

“Found them,” a voice, coming from a throat gone dry, abruptly announced.--This threw me out of your story. If it's a robot, it's not talking, so who was? if it shows them on the monitor, then all the people there could see the screen, so no need to announce it. You could add, 'in relief'' so it adds emotion giving teh announcement more meaning....just a thought

Save for the last one.--having this seperate gives it power, but doesn't fit the rules as such. Would it work if you tacked it onto the previouse sentence, but put a couple of dashes between it and the other sentence?

Wait.--thought usually are in italics. If this is a thought, tell us who thought it, and why thought and not out loud?

several buttons on a console --a console implies there are more of them, but you didn't mention them earlier. If there is only one, say 'on the console'

I think there should be more tension at the last. After all , they are destroying a ship full of people.

I would have liked more descritpion in the control room where the people are watching the screen.

The robot operator could bee beefed up a bit more at the beginning. He had an interesting story to tell. It would help with raising the tension irf we knew in advance that he barely escaped an hostile planet.

I"d like to know more about the room, what is in it, who are the people watching? Are they on another ship? it sounds like it at the end, I thought they were on earth at the beginning.

You entertained me, that is the first thing a writer should do. Thank you! I did enjoy reading this. I do think it could be expanded to a novella even.

love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
529
529
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
What an incredible vingett of a sleepless night.

Yfou dont mention why he is gone, and that isn't important. You focused on the emotion, the happy memories and the sadness of being apart. You handled it so nicely and delecately, not maudlin or depressing at all.

Oh, restful slumber, why do you elude me? --I usually start begging God and reminding him of all I need to do and why I need the sleep. lol

thanks for sharing this with us.

love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
530
530
Review of Tribal thing  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I read through your poem and much of it struck a chord in me. Much reminded me of my children. First they were upset I moved them to the big city and then as teenagers angry because It wasn't big enough.

Your first verse is true if the town is small enough and there isn't an obvious income division. It confused me especially when I got to verse four. But then I understood.

I think in many ways it's a good thing like you mention in verse two.

And grew together like the trees--I really liked this line. grew together like trees, intertwined, buffering each other, supporting each other.

The last verse was a bit confusing but I think I understand.

Nicely done, thanks for sharing.

Love, LinnAnn

Reviewing image for SAJ and SP

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
531
531
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am not a pro, so forgive my not understanding this all.

I am not sure if it was you who ran away or a sibling or a parent.

I'm at school, and then you're at work--This sounds like it's written for a parent.
the next line sounds like he/she is gone until 11 pm?

On the battle of wills, I can't tell who the battle is between

I dont get the third verse at all. Who do you miss less, and what

I can tell there is a lot of emotion here, but Im so sorry, I just cant tell who and what it's abaout. I feel awful letting you down. Maybe someone else can help better?

You pull in the repetative line and that ties it all together, -good

You also do it chronologically-also good

Love, LinnAnn

Reviewing image for SAJ and SP

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
532
532
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very touching poem. Ruwth told me about it while on the IM scroll box. I hope otheres come see it as well. This is only my opinion, and I'm a beginner.

The third line in the first verse spoke to me. I see how others see me, but it doesn't match how I see myself. I'm glad Jesus will judge me and not others.

Our perceptions blindly skew us foolishly.--then there are those who have been through a lot, and see very well, and so can lift and elleviate pain instead of causing it.

verse three is also very intense until it's explained later. That rebirth is so wonderful.

I love your fifth verse the best, especially the last line of it.

Thanks so much for sharing this. You have touched two lives at least this day.

love, LinnAnn

Reviewing image for SAJ and SP
533
533
Review of What Should I do?  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I don't know if this is based on a real situation or not. It makes me hesitant to review it, as I would not want to further upset you if this is about you, for real. I am not a pro, so take what you can use and throw away the rest.

The one thing that I notice is that you switch fro 'him' to 'you' so I"m not sure who this is directed at. Are you shifting your focus from 'him' to the reader?


There is a lot of deep sadness here and you express it vividly. I would suggest you make it clearer on the focal point. Got bless you.

love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
534
534
Review of Whisper Of A Name  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am not a pro, so take what you can use and throw out what you can't, just dont throw at me. lol

Your first sentence was provocative.

without purpose, but no. I do not agree with that,--I would consider changing this a bit as you are arguing with your own conviction. Maybe-"On further throught I decided I did not agree..."

waiting silently for submergence is perhaps more frightening to me --I liked this

left treading in a pool of what I could imagine only as fear--This sentence didn't work for me--the treading in fear

offering of love to He. --Him. If you are talking about Jesus, then you might want to make that clearer so more can be understood here. Also, there are places you refere to Him, He etc without capitalizing His name.

I went to the younger brother, and he smiled at me as his life blood left--would he not cry at the loss of the brothers soul?

This is very interesting but there is too much that is cryptic and so leaves the reader befuddled. I'm sure you do not want to have so much effort lost on just a few missing words. I hope this is of some help. You have a lot of love and spirituality here, help us to enjoy it all better.
love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
535
535
Review of Children of Babel  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am not a pro, so take what you want, and throw away the rest, but not at me. lol

You grabbed me right away with your first two lines. I loved how you rhymed Bable and saddle. Good job.

2nd verse-big dis on New York. I didnt see one mugging while I was there. lol-not on New York on 9/11

Don't run from the the heat, no matter how hard the battle--This one line has a syllable too many and a typo (the). It pulled me out of your hard work.

Very nicely done. Unfortuneatly the enemy has a lot of followers.
Thank you for sharing and all your hard work.

Love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
536
536
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am not a pro, so pardon my ignorance. I am not familiar with a lot of poetry styles, so dont' hate me but...

some of this didn't rhyme like I thought it should.

I found love in my heart today.
I was surprised! I never thought I’d feel it again.--these two lines didn't rhyme like in the first verse

The fourth, sixth and eighth verses the same.

This is a very happy, upbeat poem. I'm glad if this is true. Love is a grand thing. And if it's not true, you captured the emotion very well.

I’m happy and in love, now a whole man.---This is my favorite line.

love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
537
537
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am not a pro, and the print is hard for me to see, so pardon my typos and take what you can and throw the rest, just not at me. lol

I found the subject matter very intriguing. I thought you did well to rhyme and keep in the context.

You did evoke a sympathetic response in me. and you made me wonder if the lion left anything for them to eat when he was finished, or did the pride come and eat it all?

Several chases after Thompson's gazelles --This was the only place that caused a 'huh' reaction. Was the series called 'Thompsons'?

Now I"m going to have dreams of poor baby critters dying. Nicely done.
love, LinnnAnn


A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
538
538
Review of Change (revised)  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am not a pro, so feel free to take what you can use, and throw away what you can't.

this is an intriguing piece. If you had not named it 'Ugly" I think it would ome mre as a surprise ending. The title gives too much away.

I love the first line, you set a very appealing picture.
Your follow through of the change is also very well done.

I"d put the word 'ugly' as the last word in the poem, and I'd name it 'change' that gives a hint, but leaves the surprise ending.

My eyes are closing while I type, so I'm headed to bed.

This poem was nicely done.
love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
539
539
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am not a pro, so please feel free to take what you want and throw away the rest.

Agonizing-spelling

I found this poem very intriquing. I didn't even suspect it would ba a western piece, let alone about a gun battle. Nicely done! Totally caught me unaware.

I like the repetitious way you repeated 'silence reigns' and then th eone time it is cut short, again nicely done.

a ruby pool of failure--a very poetic way to describe the bloody pool around the fallen.

Not to be boring, but nicely done.

love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
540
540
Review of The Children  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
I am not a pro, so you can take what you want and throw out the rest. I feel hesitant to review this piece. From the looks of how the sentences are placed, it looks like a poem, but reads more like a story. Also, Im not sure if this was real or not. If this is real, then please understand.

Your first sentence says your mother had two daughters, but you say sisters, so that leads the reader to believer you are a boy, but your name is kate, ...and then you mention brothers. You might want to clarify that.

You mention the daughters grew and grew, but not the sons

He took out his knife and cut her deep--no one took her to the Drs. or hospital?

And told her not to tell or he'll kill her--You switch tenses

So we let my brother's friend live with us
because we had no one else--Was he needed to help pay the rent? Not advertise for a girl roommate?

this is a very dark and depressing piece full of violence. I have to admit I took no pleasure in reaading it. That means you did capture the readers attention, which is good.

love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
541
541
Review of Interactive Art  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Since I am not a pro, you can take what you like or throw away all of it. lol I will do my best.

I read through this and the tension starts off right away. You held the begining to the end so that increased the tension as to why and how he got in there.

I totally loved this, even though I'm not a twilight Zone person. lol You did leave out one little detail, lol If the water was still draining out when Alex approached, where did the body go? No one ever noticed the body falling out?

Nice read. (giggle)

love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
542
542
Review of Doomed  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Remember you can take what you want, and throw out the rest. I"m not a pro, hope I can be of some help. pardon typos, I'm sneezing a lot. lol

I do not know this form of poetry where the amount of lines in each verse don't match, and I dont' see any obvious pattern.

there are some interesting lines here but I hve to admit I do not understand this poem. I do appreciate the clues your title and sub title have given.

I would check the capitals at the beginning of your lines. Some words seem to be the start of sentences and have caps others do not. Some lines are in the middle of the sentence and have caps.

Pain seeps into my veins--Has the POV changed here from the omni to 'you'?

You have some extra spaces inbetween words, and civilization is mispelled.

I like some lines--
soft blades of grass flicker and tremble

and this one

Running wayward
Into the clump of trees crowding her path.
Just beyond

I truly hope someone can be of more help than I have. I feel bad that I've let you down.

love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
543
543
Review of Addiction  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Always remember you can take what you want and disregard the rest. I am not a pro, but will do my best to help. Pardon typos, I'm sneezing too much. lol

First verse starts off so nice and complimentary and pleasant.

Second verse also and you barely sneak in the change in the last line. lol

Third verse is ominous and you do it well.

You slide into fourth verse very well, Stalker/Control freak city.
I love your last line, word. Cracked me up. To bad there aren't more that can speak up before their lives are ruined.

You got me involved emotionally, good.

love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
544
544
Review of The road.  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
As usual, take what you want and throw away what you don't like. lol I am not a pro, but maybe I can offer something that will help. I can't stand Poe, he scared the willies out of me. But you did pretty good on your gruesome, and redemption. lol

There were some spots that didn't flow too smoothly, so I counted the syllables. Some didn't match but for all I know ti's supposed to be that way.

There were some tiny errors, probably typos. i've -should be I've

I sprint at the sound and gasp at the sight
It's a rotting corpse playing this tune in the night!
The sound suddenly stops and the fiend eyes me full
As if his intent were to swallow my soul!----Excellent way you go so quickly from happy to horror. Nicely done.

Love, LinnAnn

A signature gifted to me recently

Image #1457189 over display limit. -?-
545
545
Review of Fate  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
As usual, you can take what you want and throw out the rest. I am not a pro and my poetry is very basic. so If I miss it completely, have mercy. lol

This was very intriguing. I kept imagining all the things it could have been as I was reading; shift of wind--sailing accident

right/left--car accident, walking and missing your great love

great tragedy we may have abated
If fate's twisted hand did not cruelly ordain--this is the only part that lost me. it would not be a cruel hand that abated a tragedy.

position where we must remain--This line was so sad. No hope. I firmly bellieve in hope. I'd go bonkers if I thought my current position was all I'd ever have. We all need hope.

I really enjoyed this poem, thanks for sharing.

love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
546
546
Review of Angel  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Please take what you want and throw out what you don't. lol I am not a pro, and sometimes I dont get what seems obviouse to others. I don't know this style, so I can't comment on the amount of lines, and rhyming pattern. I'm sorry. Maybe someone else can do that better.

starlight blinded eyes,--should this be 'starlit'?

I am so sorry but I just don't understand this poem. Maybe someone better at poetry can do you better justice.

Carry me now, on loves splendid wings,

Whisper softly angel, and tell me all things.--I do like these last two lines as an ending.

Love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
547
547
Review of The Eagle  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Remember you can take what you want and throw away the rest. I"m not a pro, I can only offer what I can as a reader.

This was a very sad, Romeo and Juliet type of poem. sigh.

A glimpse so vague of a past so dark
Leaves a longing in her heart---this threw me until later in the poem, then I got it.

in ancient days--Is this refering to Romeo and Julliet since it says ancient? or her own experience and she is...how is she ancient?

It's a lovely poem and I get that she is dreaming, I just missed the 'ancient' part.

It drew me in , which is what it's supposed to do, and you did it well.
love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
548
548
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Remember , what I say is only my opinion, take what you want and throw the rest. lol

Do you or did you live in Seattle? I'm a couple of hours down the road.

I would have liked knowing what their relationship was sooner, she seemed a bit angry so I thought she was a current girlfriend.

I’m afraid of getting close to someone and then getting hurt again. It’s been so difficult since Molly left.”--this sounds a bit more like what a girl woud say. I don't know any guy that talks like that, not even the gay ones.

The gravity of what she meant suddenly dawned on him--Too big of a jump to possibly a bad conclusion, she didnt say anything that said more than friend. I'd like more of a hint that she felt more than that way.

Callie smiled at Aiden. Aiden made his way --You might consider joining these two sentences for a smoother flow. Callie smiled as Aiden made his way...

in front of the bay windows, admiring --did you mean more than one or is the 's' a typo? Usually I've only seen one bay window in a wall.

Having been born in Seattle I can picture the view. You might want to mention the light shining on the water or the Space Needle. lol

I realize there was probably a limit on words, but a bit more description of both characters would help me picture them better.

Thanks for the share, I hope something I said might be of some help.

Love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
549
549
Review of Our Moment  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
In your first paragraph you do well in telling us the good and the bad sides of love. However, it's not the love that causes the bad stuff, it would be falling in love with the wrong person, being treated wrongly. Just my opinion, but love is a good thing all the time.

2nd paragraph shows the intensity very well.

The heavy burdens have been cast aside for this moment. --I really like this line, it is so true.

Everything eventually disappears.--what a very sad and depressing view point. I think those of us who believe in forever have more hope.

I'm so glad it had a happy ending in their togetherness.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.

love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
550
550
Review of Worlds Apart  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like how your first sentence starts with the 'together worlds'
then you nicely and gently pull them apart on lines two and three.

I like his willing to share and tell, there are too many dummies out there, or maybe it's just my town.lol

The hand touching is so soft and tender, but you say worlds collide. that sounded so violent. lol

I'm sitting here in the middle of the night, so tired, and I can't even think of a gentle way to say that except 'worlds intertwine like our interlaced fingers' Don't mind me, I'm just overly romantic, lol

This was a lovely piece. thanks so much for the imagery and tenderness.

love, LinnAnn

A new Simply Positive Reviewers Group Signature.
818 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 33 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/linnann/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/22