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3,159 Public Reviews Given
3,207 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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Review of The Scream  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Legerdemain,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop by to honor this fine occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         The images your item created in my mind as I read this were crystal clear. I could have sworn that I'd been there, someone pulling in front of me as I drove down the street. Fortunately, it was never quite that close, never quite this bad, but still, it seems I'd been there. Maybe it was just your words that caused that to happen, created that scene in my mind, brought it all home. Nicely done!




Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Historyluver,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop by to honor this fine occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, Miera had quite a bit of hatred towards her parents in her heart, how sad. You wrote this pretty well, keeping the suspense there a bit. I found myself wondering if by chance her parents had moved from the house, and she was burning the wrong one. The trunk of her car was full of bottles of lighter fluid, I wondered how she managed to carry them all to the house. I'm sure she had a bag, but it seems there might have been a chance of them breaking as she walked. (Just curious). I do have a little feedback for you on this.




Title:  Good for this story, it fit well.



Description:  Very good, it's what drew me in to read this.




My Favorite Part:  Finding out that at least she was exacting revenge against the right house, even though I did find that very sad.





General Comments:  

1. Miera reached into the trunk of her car, pulled out the arsenal of lighter fluid, and walked methodically to the front door of the house. You told us she parked a few blocks away from the house, yet she 'walked methodically to the front door of the house'. This could have been dangerous, someone might have seen her, then of course, she might not have cared about that either. But I would think that saying, "She walked methodically towards the house, finally arriving on the porch in front of the door.", or something like that.

2. In the very pocket of her jacket was a box of matches. Miera never intended for anything to get this far, but it was too late to turn back now, she was already within a few more miles of her parent’s dream house. This is worded a little awkwardly it seems. I think you could delete the word 'very', as well as the word 'more'. It would read better without them I think.



Overall impressions:  A very sad story, this poor girl felt she needed revenge against her parents. She must have had quite an unhappy childhood.


Sum1

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Review of Knotted  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear BurntPoet,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop by to honor this fine occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         Your poem is heartbreaking. You describe so well the pain and anguish your wife went through fighting cancer. Your single word between two sentences really stood out, bringing all this home even harder. I truly hope she conquered the illness. Very well done, impressive, especially for such a short poem.



Sum1

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Review of One  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Itchy Water,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this fine occasion, your 2nd WDC Anniversary!

         I 'discovered' Fibonacci poems a while back, and fell in love with the idea of writing them. I think the sequencing of the syllables makes this a bit challenging, but a fun write all the same. Yours is very good, I love the message your tell us in this. One is lonely, single, yet so powerful. The one comment I have on this, is that the last line should have a semi-colon after survive. To me, it reads better if one is there, but then, that's just me. *Smile* Very well done!




Sum1

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Review of Why Thoughts?  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear MyLyn,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this fine occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         This is just beautiful. I think we've all been there with the ghosts of our past, you describe it so well in very few words. I do have to say that I'm not sure of the wording in the third line of the first verse. I know what you're trying to say, but that line is very wordy for such a short poem. Not only is it wordy, it has 10 syllables in it, 2-3 more than the rest of the lines. All in all though, it's still beautiful, well done!




Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear WhoMe??,
         Did you really think that your WDC Anniversary would come and go without a visit and review from me? Happy 6th WDC Anniversary!

         This is such a nice poem about Killdeer. You describe the actions of the parents as they help the chicks escape prowling cats very well. The images you created in my mind were almost cartoonish (Tom and Jerry come to mind), but I know this is all too real. The only suggestion I have for this, is for the final verse. The last line should stand apart from the verse, as if it's an afterthought. The verse reads very well, but that additional line seems out of place, but needs to remain in the poem. Well done!



Sum1

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Review of Turtle Evolution  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Utopian,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this fine occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a very cute poem about how the turtle got it's shell. In middle verses it flowed very smoothly, but the first and last two verses were a bit of a reach in both rhythm and rhyme. Read it aloud and you'll see, as well as feel, how the second through fifth verse read smoothly, the words flowing off your lips. But the other three verse are not near as smooth.

         A few of your rhymes are not perfect, usually fine by me since I'm never one who feels that rhymes must be perfect. But some are a little bit of a reach, mainly because of syllable count in the word. Words like escaping/footing, night/felines, comrades/plates. There are more, but you get the idea.

         As a side note, I don't think eagles were around 30 million years ago, probably not lions nor elephants also. Still, it's a cute poem. One last thing. The ending is a little off, they fall on rocks (wouldn't that alone hurt them severely?), but the next morning they have stony plates on their backs? Doesn't seem to fit the rest of it.




Sum1

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Review of Dear Me  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Kay,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in to honor this fine occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         This is an interesting list of goals you set for yourself four years ago. How did it all go? Believe it or not, the one I'm really interested in knowing about, is the last one. Did you give yourself room to fail, did you allow yourself to soar, flop, dive, climb to new heights, achieve that which you've never done before because this year (four years ago), you weren't afraid of the possibility. I also really hope you've written more than before, even short things. I find doing reviews inspires me, I find something new to write about. I have little time, but I write more today than I ever have before. I hope you have too.



Title:  Excellent for this



Description:  Very good, it teases a reader, makes them wonder what you wrote to yourself.



Grammar:  Very good




My Favorite Part:  What can I say? The last goal, to not be afraid of failure.





General Comments:  

1. I chose this forum over any others hoping the words I write to you here would have a bit more permanency and therefore more impact. It seems you need a comma after permanency.

2. It holds the keys to who you are now and to whom you will become, but it’s only a framework. This may be me, but this seems to read a little awkwardly. The part, the keys to who you are now and to whom you will become is off; I don't think 'to whom' is correct. To me, that second 'to' should be deleted.




Overall impressions:  Very nice goals! I hope you reached most, if not all.


Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Leger,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and knew I had to drop by to honor this fine occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, what a nightmare! I'm glad I've never had one quite like this. Your description of the road, the overhanging trees and complete lack of light (other than your car's headlights) made me shudder a little inside. I think I'd be seeing shapes in those branches above me as I drove. I think that last part, the head of the deer becoming a man's head is the scariest part. But then, that's how nightmares are, aren't they? Nicely done here; I drive at night on a highway frequently, hitting a deer is one of my biggest fears. Now that fear will be a bit bigger. *Rolleyes*




Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Confused,
         This is very cute, but if you're really a Dr. Seuss fan, then you need to break it up like he would. If I may make a suggestion for it...

If the cat goes “meow”,

the dog goes “woof”,

and the lamb goes “baaa!”


What if by chance,

the dog went “baaa”,

the cat went “woof”,

the lamb went “meow”?

What would happen then?

Would the goldfish turn purple,

the llama turn green?

Would up be down,

and change everything?


I just centered it on the page, and made each small question a line of its own. Your poem is cute, good enough to make a children's book out of it if you can find an artist who can draw you some pictures of what you're describing here! *Smile* Well done!




Sum1

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Review of The Master  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Dear Winterlady,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 2nd WDC Anniversary!

         I like this idea of your poem here, it speaks volumes in a very short space. I think it could say so much more too though. First, what I liked.

What you say with few words. There's no need to be verbose and tell the reader everything. That's what I love about this poem.

What I think could be edited to make this a bit better.

Having a different number of lines in the verses throws the reader off. You have 13 lines that could be 12, or 16 if you wanted to add to this, so use four lines per verse (A Quatrain).

Make each line complete so it reads well. An example is these two:

All winter long he touched
me hand to hand.

I know what you're saying here, but it reads a little off since 'me' starts the second line. I also don't understand what you mean by he touched me hand to hand. Those words just don't go well together. But I'm not really sure what you really intend to say here, so I won't conjecture. But how about ...

All winter long he touched me,
lightly, lovingly, everywhere,
Our hearts united as one

That's just a guess on my part as far as what you intended to say. I don't want to presume, but wanted to try and give you an idea is all.

         If you do choose to edit this, please let me know. I would be more than happy to come back and re-rate/re-review for you.



Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Charlie,
         I saw this on the static page and thought I'd give it a read/review. You have a very nice story here, almost like Puff The Magic Dragon, which I loved. You tell this well, I found myself almost in a rhythm, but then a line would appear, and the rhythm of it would be totally different. This is a story written in a poem type form really, that's why I seemed to fall into a rhythm reading it. I did a little counting, and found some lines were about 13-14 syllables long, but would then be followed by a line 7-8 syllables long. If you could make them all somewhat close to the same syllable count, this would read a lot smoother, and be a much stronger story/poem. Here's a few comments for you on it.



Title:  Very good for this story, fits it well.



Description:  To me, your description could be placed right above the main story line. Write something that will hook a reader. Make them WANT to drop in and read this. An example would be, "The adventures of Claude, a toy firetruck, and their boy growing up." That's about 70 of the 90 characters we're allotted to describe our items on WDC. *Smile*



Grammar:  I noticed no errors.




My Favorite Part:  The whole story, you wove this well.





General Comments:  

1. Since this is formatted in a poem format, the reader tries to get into a rhythm. If you can edit this a bit and make it a little more even, it will read much better.

2. You might consider making this a 'quatrain', four lines to a verse. See what you think on that idea.

3. In some places you have a period to end a line/sentence, but the next one seems to carry on with the previous line. An example is,

"So Claude started living in the tree house tree,

fun filled days seemed to be with out end.

For Claude, the boy, and a fire truck toy,

and some serious games of pretend.

Now let's take it out of it's current format, and see how it looks and reads.

So Claude started living in the tree house tree, fun filled days seemed to be with out end. For Claude, the boy, and a fire truck toy, and some serious games of pretend.

What you see is a sentence that isn't complete, "For Claude, the boy, and a fire truck toy, and some serious games of pretend."

This is very minor really, but read it aloud, pausing at comma's and ending at period's. See what you think before you make any edits. This is your story, you know how you want it to read.

4. If you want this to read like a poem, look at your rhyming. Some are excellent and read well, others are almost non-existent. Again, your choice. *Smile*




Overall impressions:  All in all, a very enjoyable read of a young boy's adventures with two of his toys.


Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Tricia,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this fine occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         I've never considered writing a novel, and this essay is a reason why. I knew there was a lot of work involved in writing a complete book, and you pointed out only one small thing that must be done, characters and their development. You did a very good job in explaining what an author needs to do in writing a novel, I loved the way you organized things, kept them backed up and such in case of a computer problem. I've seen people lose far too much work on a computer to not appreciate that. I'm still not sure I'll ever write a novel, but should one come to mind, I will drop by and read all your pointers to help me in the process.



Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Beck,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this special occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         I found this to be a cute essay about shopping in a grocery store. You used some wonderful analogies in it to bring your points home. I loved the traffic one! Your rules made the story if you ask me, more people (not just men, I've seen women who don't obey the rules too!) need to read this. They would learn a few things, as well as smiling the entire time. I do have a few comments for you on it.



Title:  Excellent for this essay.



Description:  Excellent, it's what caused me to decide this needed to be read.



Grammar:  Very good.




My Favorite Part:  The tips you gave men regarding helping women when they were standing in the way of something they wanted off a shelf.





General Comments:  

1. These could not be the cause. These should be this.

2. Now, I do my meat shopping at a local meat market, but for my other shopping I turn straight the Retail Devil himself (Wal-Mart). I think you left 'to' out of this line, between straight and the.

3. They may sprint out of nowhere or reach seemingly across the entire aisle toward these items, but, if you run into or over one, you are 100% at fault. I think a semi-colon after items would work a little better than a comma.

4. If you are truly contemplating a difficult purchase (something more than a can of peas) and are approached by a woman who obviously wants some of the product you are standing in front of 1) say excuse me 2) ask her if you can get something for her, or move your cart back out of her way (this is one of the only times it is acceptable to move backward on the city street) 3) Now, PAY ATTENTION! If this woman asks you for a certain product, watch what she gets. My, this is a wordy sentence, it's a whole story on its own! (Kidding). Part of what makes this so long, is the three pointers you give in it. If you make these pointers bullets, each no a separate line, it would help this part out immensely.

5. If you feel battles like this must take place (even though ithey shouldn’t), take them to the only safe place to wage war. You can see the misplaced i in the word they.


Overall impressions: A very cute essay on the perils of shopping in today's world. Nicely written, made me smile the whole time.


Sum1

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Review of He's my Mom  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Dear Daphne,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by in honor of this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to say, I found this to be an interesting story. But, it seemed to start in the middle, which is fine because you tied that part up later on. But the ending really left me hanging, at least in my opinion. It's a good story, I love the idea of it, but I just felt a little cheated at the end. Maybe them confronting their mother would help. I'll give you a couple of specific comments below.



Title:  Perfect for this story



Description:  Very good for this, but you have an extra 'is' in the wording of it.



Grammar:  I noticed no errors.




My Favorite Part:  Jillian's alarm clock. Being one who wakes to soft noises, it amazes me when someone can't wake to an alarm, or needs a special alarm to help them wake up.





General Comments:  

1. “Jillian scuffed her bare feet across the plush, lavender carpet that spilled into her circular bedroom. You opened this line with quotation marks, but they are not needed here.

2. In the very last line, you point out the last page of freshmen; one of the people on the page has a last name of Miller. It seems that it would have to be a very small school for someone with a last name starting with M to be on the last page.

3. You end the story with that little 'bombshell', but it seems there could be far more to it. One question I have, is if their mother was a male in high school, how did she have children? You didn't mention them being adopted, but they might not have known that. It's still an unanswered question, along with many others I won't bring up here. But, tell us more! I have an inquiring mind, and want to know! *Bigsmile*




Overall impressions:  A very good story that seemed to leave this reader hanging. Well written, entertaining, I just want to know more.

Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


Hey Pico,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 1st WDC Anniversary!

         I've never heard of something like this happening, a gentleman rooster. *Smile* Of course, I've never lived on a farm nor raised birds of any kind, so that's no surprise when you think about it. Maybe some men should follow Johnnie Johnson's fine example, and learn to be a gentleman. Perhaps less violence would exist in this world of ours then. I loved the idea of the kids petting him, with that big IF there, IF you could catch him. Very cool. Nice story, it does make a person smile, and that was probably your intent.





Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear LadyGrace,
         I dropped by your port for the Power Review raid, when I saw this, I knew what I would read on this visit. Happy Raiding Day to the crew!

         While I love to write, one would be amazed at what I don't know about famous people in literature. Helen Steiner Rice is one of those, but she's one I'd love to read more about, as well as read more of her writings.

         This is a nice essay you've written about her, I think your love of her, and her work is obvious in nearly every word. I would venture to guess that she has inspired you, and probably influences your writings, as well as how you feel about life. If that's the case, I'd say you've chosen well, and have been influenced nicely by her. I do have a little feedback for you on this.





Title:  Very good for this essay.



Description:  Very good, this is what made me decide to read your essay.



Grammar:  I noticed no errors.




General Comments:

1. Have you ever been inspired by a great poet? Apparently, the answer to all these questions is Yes. It appears that she has influenced you most definitely, but I don't see how you can use the second sentence here to answer for everyone. That being the case, I think the second sentence needs a little editing. All you'd have to do, is add the words, "For me" in place of apparently.

2. These volumes of poetry are written by a great American lady,
Helen Steiner Rice. She is known as the "poet laureate" of popular verse.
She is the source of inspiration to many people because of her life and her writings.
Helen Steiner Rice's writings are for all ages. They are full of human
emotions. Her best-selling books are "Someone Cares," "Loving Promise," and

Notice how these lines appear to be cut off at the end, as if a hard return has been used? (At least they do on my monitor). They do not reach the end of the line in the document as I view it on my monitor is what I'm trying to say, almost as if you put in a hard return to make them shorter. Right after this area, the sentences all reach then end of the line as they should, so I'm a little confused as to what caused this. (Unless you copied this from an external source, and did not check it to make sure it fit in the window properly).

You say in this area that "She is known as the port laureate of popular verse." Has she been given the title of 'Poet Laureate'? Or is this an honor bestowed on her by people who can't give her the title, but still call her that.

3. They make people aware of the pr esence of God in their lives and the need of His presence. You can see that you have an extra space in the word 'presence'.

4. In your example of one of her works, you should use the {center} command to center the poem on the screen. It would look so much better that way. There is a toolbar at the top of each item you create, it looks much like the toolbar in Microsoft Word, just highlight the text and press the center button.

5. She is a strong lady who undergone storms in life but able to stand. It appears that a couple of words are missing in this sentence. I've provided an example here of what I think you left out, but only you know for sure. She is a strong lady who has undergone storms in life but is still able to stand.

6. Helen Steiner Rice married Franklin Rice, a bank vice-president in Dayton,Ohio.Franklin lost his job after the stock market crashed then he suffered depression and never recovered.Franklin committed suicide.Helen Steiner Rice's most satisfying outlet is writing poetry. These three sentences are not separated by a space, and seem to run on. You need a comma after 'crashed'. You might want to make these lines 'warmer' too. What you write here are facts, but they seem very cold. Here's an example of one. Franklin committed suicide. You then move to poetry being Helen's most satisfying outlet, almost as if his suicide was nothing. Elaborate a little, tell us more, make this a warm, emotional story, not a cardboard one.

7. Every time you mention Helen in this story, it is always 'Helen Steiner Rice'. Why? Is that how it is in every story, that the characters names are always completely spelled out? If so, why isn't Franklin's name spelled out all the time. It makes reading this a little cumbersome. Change most of the names to just Helen, it will make it a lot easier to read.

8. She became a lecturer and a writer for a prominent greeting card company called American Greetings.Her books sold about nearly seven million copies. Again two sentences that are not separated, and a big jump in thought. What do her selling almost seven million books have to do with writing verse for American Greetings? This second sentence belongs above where you mention her best selling books.

9. Your last line, 'Hats off to her!' belongs with the preceding paragraph, it does not need to be a paragraph of it's own.


Overall impressions:  A very interesting essay about Mrs. Rice, it makes me want to read more of her poetry.


Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Hey David,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor of this great occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         Men who have fought in wars are haunted forever. Your poem speaks of a man most would think American as they read it. The twist at the end proves otherwise, and helps bring home the thought that every man who fights has demons to haunt them the rest of their days. Demons don't care about nationality, only in haunting us.



Title:  Excellent for this story




Description:  Excellent, it is what caused me to decide to read this.




Grammar:  Very good.




General Comments:  

1. Heavy, green, malevolent the jungle waits. The first three words describe the jungle, and should have a comma after each.

2. He slashes, he fires, shapes fall. His or theirs, he does not know. You may want to consider deleting the second 'he', it is redundant and detracts from the read.

3. You may want to consider a way to better separate the last line that describes the battle, and the first line about the old man. There are two distinct stories here really, and it would be nice to show separation of thought, space, and time.





Overall impressions:  A very moving poem about war, demons that haunt men, no matter what their nationality is.


Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Ghagiel,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by in honor of this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         Sometimes, I love creating a discussion just to see who will say what about the subject. This one has been discussed by many for ages, and your article here covers it very well. Your logic is flawless, I loved it when you mentioned the animals and that they would obviously hear it, nice point! While I'm not an animalist (to coin your term), if a human isn't there to hear a tree fall, then it falls silently. *Smile* (Kidding, I just love presenting the opposite view is all.) I do have a little feedback for you.



Title:  Excellent for this story.



Description:  The contest is over, congratulations on 3rd place, but.... This needs to be changed now, use the 90 characters that you are allowed to draw in a reader!



Grammar:  I noticed no errors.




My Favorite Part:  Also, what about all those poor little animals that lived in the tree? And the ones that got smusched? Ah, the humanity! Surely they heard the sound? Loved this part!





General Comments:  

1. These are invisible and they reach your ears and vibrate your eardrums, which then transfers what you perceive the sound to be into your brain, which then try’s to recognise it and there we are. I realize you speak the Queen's English and I would most likely butcher it, so if this comment doesn't fit with the Queen's English, please ignore it, but try's should be tries, and realise should be realize (at least to us Yankee's). *Smile*

2. There’s also another element to take on board. If no one is there to witness the tree falling, how can you really be sure it’s happened? Also, what about all those poor little animals that lived in the tree? And the ones that got smusched? Ah, the humanity! Surely they heard the sound? Don’t they count? If they don’t then you’re an animacist! Just because they’re different to us doesn’t mean that they don’t count! Sheesh! Anyways, *ahem. While this is my favorite part of the story, you have two separate thoughts going on here, so they should be separate paragraphs. You say there's another element to take on board, then mention that is no one is there to witness the tree falling, how can one be really sure it's happened? Great point! But then you shifted to the animals, thus a separate paragraph is needed. Also, I think you missed the chance to expound your argument about "If no one is there..." You could say that is no one is there to hear it, and we can't be sure it fell, then did it really make a noise when it fell, or did it slip quietly to the ground... something like that. Advance your argument! *Bigsmile*




Overall impressions:  A very cute article about an age old argument, nicely done!


Sum1

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Review of Expected  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Dear Cappucine,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by in honor of this great occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to say that I'm not sure what you meant this story to convey, because I'm totally lost. I must be having a gray hair moment. The story itself is cute, well written, and moves nicely. But I must be missing the big picture since I'm so lost. I have no idea what the tiger holding a bell in its teeth has to do with anything in the story. Except that everything is exactly as Mr. and Mrs. Blue knew it would be, and this is unexpected, so maybe I just had a revelation. I do have a little feedback for you on it.



Title:   Perfect for this story.




Description:  Very good.




Grammar:  I noticed no errors.




General Comments:  

1. Mr Blue said, "the world is a recurring dream."

Mrs Blue said, "beautiful." The and Beautiful should be capitalized since both words are the start of a statement from each of them.

2. At the end of the story, it says that the hair on Mrs. Blue's arms stands on end, it was the last thing she had expected. Wouldn't Mr. Blue have much the same going on? He seemed to sort of drop off the story there, his reactions are never discussed.

3. What did you mean by the term 'luxurious feet'? I've never heard feet described quite like that.



Overall impressions:  All in all, a cute story that left this reader wondering for a bit. Nice job!


Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
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Rated: ASR | (3.5)
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Dear Marcia,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by in honor of this great occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         Your story is one of a family coming together after the recent deaths of relatives. I was curious about where it was going, wanting to know why the two Aunt's lived together all their lives. You brought back memories from each character well, giving me a nice mental image of Ruby and Pearl. But for me, the story never came to a conclusion, explaining why they lived together all their lives. I got the impression they lived together because Ruby depended on Pearl, but it was never clear. Playing cards with two men, Ruby asking your mother to stay up when told to go to bed does not explain why they lived together. I was waiting to find out that Ruby was living off Pearl for a reason, or that Pearl lived with her out of family love, but that was never made clear. I do have a little feedback for you on it.



Title:  Good for this story.



Description:  Your description says you learned why they lived together after they died. As I said above, I didn't see the reason, and it may just be a gray haired moment on my part, but you might want to consider explaining it a little more clearly in the story.




My Favorite Part:  I liked the descriptions of Aunt Pearl and Aunt Ruby when they were young. It made them more real to me.




General Comments:  

1. He would likely to earn more money than she did as the executive secretary to the President of the Bomar Corporation so between the two of them, they would have a pretty comfortable income.  This sentence seems to be missing a word or two, but I'm not sure what you were saying here. Would he need to make more, as much, or what?

2. We would usually go on Yom Kippur because my parents were not religious enough to attend services, but to Jewish-identified to go to work.  I think the 'to' before Jewish should be too.

3. If my sister and I ran around the apartment Ruby would tell us to save our energy for our old age.  I think you need a comma after apartment.

4. The show was never interesting, and time would pass slowly, slowly, as if I could hear a clock ticking second by second.  You may want to consider deleting one of the words 'slowly'. It doesn't read correctly with both of them there.

5. The Civil Rights movement seemed to have past them both by.  Past should be passed.




Overall impressions:  A nice family story about family members reminiscing about those who have passed on. A little TLC will allow it to receive higher grades from future readers. *Smile*




Sum1

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Review of For A Friend  
Review by Sum1 In Halifax
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Kneelinghands,
         I found this on the static item page and thought I'd read it and welcome you to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here on the site; I encourage you to become involved in any of the myriad groups that are on here. It's a way of meeting people, reading their works, and learning to be a better writer yourself. *Smile*

         This is a heartfelt poem you wrote, I could feel the pain of your loss in your words. In reading it, I was struck with the impression that it isn't so much a 'poem' in the truest sense of the word; I would consider it a tribute to a dear friend. But you wrote it, so if you want to call it a poem, that's fine. The reason I made that comment is because the lines are of far different lengths, and it reads more like an essay (in the form of a tribute), than a poem. This is not meant to be a negative comment only, just a statement about something I noticed.

         This is beautiful too. It is very hard when someone leaves this world unexpectedly, especially at such a young age. You honor him well with this, I am sure he is proud of it, even more proud to have called you FRIEND.

         I hope to see more of your writings in the future, continue the good work, and most of all, enjoy yourself!




Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Dear Amy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit to honor this festive occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         I felt your pain in this poem. I know what it's like to lose someone you care for deeply, then see them again. Your poem speaks volumes about this, the awkwardness of seeing them, not knowing what to say, the pain of the moment passing with nothing said. And after, the emptiness of it all. I saw all that in your poem, well done in portraying such a sensitive moment so well! I do have a couple of comments for you.



Title:  Very good for this poem.




Description:  You should change this, tell a potential reader a little about it so they feel like that 'have' to read it. *Smile*




Grammar:  I noticed no errors.




Rhyme/Rhythm:  Your rhythm and rhyme varied a bit throughout, the poem didn't follow a specific structure in either, but I didn't see a problem with that.




General Comments:  

1. In a couple of lines, you could add a comma and enhance the read. An example is,

My mind raced searching for words   or....

My mind raced, searching for words







Overall impressions:  A very sad poem, one that makes the reader think back to failed relationships.


Sum1

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Connieann,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this great occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         I read this story with a bit of amusement. It always amazes me how people will think that walking is not all that hard, and can't be too much exercise. Now I don't pretend to walk like Aunt Fanny, but I do walk 3-4 miles a day most days. That's because of the jobs I do more than anything else; it's not always the briskest of walks either though.

         I loved your description of your preparations for the walk, your 'almost new' jogging suit and new Nikes. Just from that, I knew you were in for it. *Smile* The way she breezed past without stopping told me even more, and I knew you'd almost regret walking with her. I just hope you've recovered already, and are ready to show that woman a thing or two about walking. *Bigsmile* Thanks for the entertaining read!


Sum1{/left}

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Review by Sum1 In Halifax
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Windy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop in for a visit. Happy 1st WDC Anniversary!

         Poems of love, or about one's lover always touch me, this one was no different. I could feel your ache for your loved one, the desire to be near them again. Your descriptions of things you miss about them created nice images in my mind as I read it, particularly the line of "Whisper my name". For some reason, that line meshed with me nicely. There is one thing you may want to look at in this poem though.

1. You use the word 'yearn' in three different lines, in almost the same wording.

I yearn for a touch
I yearn for a hint
I yearn for your touch.

In a poem this short, the use of that word, and in actuality, the use of almost the same sentence, really stands out and detracts from the read a little.


Sum1

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