Dear Submariner,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!
You tell one heck of a story here. And it is definitely not a 1 star rated story! The flow of this is very good, but may be beyond the comprehension of some readers. You went into a lot of detail about the ship's layout as you gave Andrew his initial tour, and that may not have been necessary. (Since it was so detailed, it may chase away readers who are not familiar with a submarine.) I do have a little feedback for you on this.
Title: Excellent for this story
Description: Very good, but I'm betting you can write a better one. 
Grammar: There were minor issues with homonym usage, or words missing here and there. A little TLC editing would help this some.
My Favorite Part: Remembering the layout of a Trident Submarine Engineroom. I had trouble remembering where the Evaporator sits.
General Comments:
1. The first time I met him, I thought Andrew was a snob, a cocky little brat, educated, but with no common sense. A semi colon after brat would make this sentence read a little better.
2. In your story, you took Andrew on a tour of the Kentucky, which included going aft to the Engineroom. But you never mentioned going to see an ELT to get him a TLD. Taking him aft without one would not have been allowed if I'm not mistaken.
3. “From what I have seen of it, sir, it is quite impressive.” Andrew stated, but I cut in before he could continue and stated that He and I had only just begun the voyage around the boat. He should not be capitalized.
4. He was qualified all possible watch stations in the Engine Room, and he qualified all the forward watches too. This doesn't have a true ring to it. There is no way Webber would be allowed to qualify on the Missile System (It's not his rating), nor the Navigation Center/Radio/Sonar. To qualify radio, he would have to have a TS clearance, a Nuke was not granted that clearance. Besides, the need for him in the Engineering Spaces would be very high, so they would not be able to let him do things like that. Imagine the problems when you had a DASO run, or the annual weapons test. Nope, he may have qualified Chief Of The Watch, but not every watchstation forward. Also, though the skipper would listen to advice from others, it is highly improbably that he ever took any from a First Class Petty Office. Webber was a nuke, but he was not all knowing. (Although to a young person still new to the submarine, he might have seemed that way. From how you describe him, he reminds me of a man I knew named Harold Lewis)
5. After only a short pause, our chief collected himself together and told Andrew that he didn’t want to see him again, until He was completed with his check-in. Again, he should not be capitalized.
6. Finally we had made it underway. You should delete the word 'had', it makes the sentence read awkwardly.
7. We could tell that Webber was proud, also, but he would never admit it. Having two commas around 'also' gives a double pause to the sentence. You should delete the first one.
8. He told the so, in not so few words. I think the is meant to be them. I know this is fiction, but you still might want to make it realistic. I've never seen anyone yell a the Chief Of The Boat in front of others. If they did, it didn't last long, and the 'conversation' was taken behind closed doors. I know it could still be heard, but I've never seen a COB tolerate anyone E-6 and below yell at them.
9. Others tried to open the Engine Room door, to no avail. It was dogged from the inside. I was about to ask someone what had happened when I noticed Andrew. He looked pretty grim. This is on a separate line, as if it is a paragraph on it's own. But it's not indented like the rest of your paragraphs. This happens in a couple other places in the story also.
10. I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t his fault, and that no one else was to blame hear either, but before I could get any words in, the “general emergency” alarm sounded. Hear should be here. I also think that general alarm should be capitalized.
11. The ‘gong…gong…gong’ seemed to last a long time as anticipation of what set in as to what was going to happen next. This sentence is worded poorly. I've highlighted the words in red that really set this off. Maybe it you changed it to read, "The ‘gong…gong…gong’ seemed to last a long time as we waited in anticipation of what would happen next."
12. From what I gathered from the throng of people milling about, was that petty Officer Webber had gone to relieve the watch a little early. You have a couple of extra words in this too. I think you can delete 'was that', and capitalize Petty Office, it's a title for Webber.
13. With those snacks and all the water he could drink, Webber could’ve lasted a long time hold up in there. Hold should be holed.
14. “Webber, we know that have control of the Engine Room…” I think you left the word 'you' out of this sentence.
15. Your story has a nice climax to it, but you leave me wondering. The Kentucky had been on patrol for 40 days, yet was close enough to land for the Coast Guard to get there quickly? Also, you say they found the Engineroom hatch open, but if you were in a patrol area, then it would be too deep, and the boat would have imploded/exploded. The hatch may have been in one piece after that, maybe not, it might have been blown open, maybe not, but it seems unlikely they would have found the boat in one piece.
Overall impressions: A very good story about life on submarines. While it is a story of fiction, the author describes everyday life on board decently well. In fact, he glossed over quite a bit that most people wouldn't understand. Overall though, a nice read, if you're interested in Navy stories.
Sum1 EMC(SS) (RET.)
 WDC POWER RAIDER
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