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926
926
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

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Review of Friday Night Bingo

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good study of the events in a bingo hall. while a simple story you have told it in a compeling manner.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Simple plot of a woman trying to win the jackpot at bingo. Helga Jones has been trying to win for a long time.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

More detail would be better. You have more words, put them to use.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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927
927
Review of The Tunnel  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)


Review of The Tunnel

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I found the story confusing and wondered what was the reasoning behind writing it. The relationship between Glen and Desiree does not add to the story that I can see.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

You introduce characters but there is no substance to their need in the story. This piece is not as good as many of yours I have read in the past.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

A couple of spelling mistakes. You used dissent and meant descent. Also the rank is colonel not Cornel.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

You can do better than this.

dblameck
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928
928
Review of DRIVE-IN  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)


Review of Drive-In

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An interesting story about teens and exposing some of the dangers of involvment with them.What started out as a joke could have had happy and not so happy ending. a good sttory it wass an enjoyable read.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Here we have a guy with a girl at the drive-in with her bra off and enjoying the oral ministrations of her breasts and no-where in the story do we even find her name. Names help us identify with the characters. You could also physically describe your characters. Is she tall, short, blonde, busty or thin. how about our main male character?

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

"I had no steady girl friend, was dating several on a" should add girls. This story has room for improvement.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more and share with all of us on WDC.

dblameck
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929
929
Review of Sarah.  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Review of Sarah
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Interesting little story which of course is an attempt to make us thing it is a person rather than a cat. It is well written and I enjoyed the story.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Sarah the girl and the crazy cat. The cat is trying to get human style love from the girl.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Perhaps expand the story into a longer story.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and have a happy anniversary.

dblameck
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930
930
Review of Station at Night  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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Review of Station At Night

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Good story of person having to wait alone in a place where they were not familiar. It can be a bit nerve wracking. You have
hit the mark with this story. While not what I term as rivating it does keep the interest of the reader, Well done.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

I found the plot and the charcter were both excellent and I applaud your efforts with this story.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Expand the story. Write more. Give more of your talent to the readers.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck

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931
931
Review of Eyebrow Madness  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

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Review of Eyebrow Madness
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story about a terrible experience a young lady who makes a mistake and almost blinds herself. It is not what I would call entertaining but it definitely is gripping.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A simple story of a bad experience. The story is told and shared as a warning to others. The one character comes across as brave if not making wise decisions.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

This story could be expanded into something bigger.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck

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932
932
Review of The Payment  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)

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Review of The Payment

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Your story certainly sets the stage for some creepy things to happen. With just a few sentences you have provided a great opening for something more.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The young girl needs to provide something to maintain the life of her father who is in hospital. The other creepy man who might be a vampire.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

More detail and the continuation of the story of be most appreciated.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck

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933
933
Review of Dear God, Goodbye  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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Review of Dear God, Goodbye

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short poem that simply states an unbelief in a higher deity. The reason for the unbelief is that God has not responded to previous prayers.

FLOW & RYTHMN:

Four verses with four line each. The rhyming pattern is A B C B. The short lines make the sound short and distinct.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your annivwersary.

dblameck

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934
934
Review of Empty Room  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

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Review of Empty Room

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I found the story to be confusing, i grasp that there are two people who are in relationship and seem to love another but there is conflict between the two. It feels like somme essential information has been left out.

PLOT & CHARACTERS: The confusion of the story line also makes the potential growth of the characters flawed. I believe there is a good basis for the characters but it does not all come together.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Some of the thoughts seem incomplete as in "she would meet mythical black robed figure who takes away from those undeserving of." Undeserving of what??

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Rework the story. Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck

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935
935
Review of You always said  
Review by dblameck (David)
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of You Always Said

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I like the reiterative style of the reapeating "you always said" It made the poem flow.

RYTHMN & FLOW:

Crisp two line catchy phrases that make the piece work.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Only that you write more.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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936
936
Review of Exile  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

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Review of Exile

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short poem written in free verse. There are some good thought and I would love to see you expand on them.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Personalize your poem. Tell us more about this feeling of exile.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:
Line four should be start not star. I would suggest that line five be bow and not blow.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep up the good work. Write more and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck


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937
937
Review of Fathers Day  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

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Review of Father's Day

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story of a woman's reflection on father's day. I hope the expressions written in this story are an accurate description of the activities of this couple.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

One main character, the wife but many other are mentioned and shared. I was impressed by the description of the snoring man.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Extend your story. I am sure you can make this piece longer.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and have a happy anniversary.

dblameck


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938
938
Review of I Love You  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (2.5)

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Review of I love you

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

While this an expression of emotion, it is not really very poetic. Even as free verse there is not a lot of flow. Writing poetry is not easy. You have only done the first step my putting your feeling on paper. Now comes the time when you format those words into something more.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS: Read some poetry and try to fit your thoughts into the patterns they use.

dblameck


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939
939
Review of Lonely Sunset  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Please note that I am just another writer and my comments here are meant just to share my feelings about the piece that you have written. It is my intention to help you to improve as a writer,


A short poem with a lot of descriptive words. While it is free verse It still is very flowing. I enjoyed it.


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940
940
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Please note that I am just another writer and my comments here are meant just to share my feelings about the piece that you have written. It is my intention to help you to improve as a writer,


Sorry to be negative at the start but I disagree with your first line. I think rather that the present is the past unwrapped. I more or less agree with your other comments. I hope you plan to take the time to expand these ideas in the future


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941
941
Review of Bitter love....  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Review of Bitter Love.


Please note that I am just another writer and my comments here are meant just to share my feelings about the piece that you have written. It is my intention to help you to improve as a writer,


Unfortunately this is a story based on a picture that I do not have access to.

There seems to be an interesting concept for dreams and for colour, There are strong feelings expressed by the use of some good picture words,

I may have to read some other items in your portfolio.


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942
942
Review of Earth Science  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
size:4}
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Review of earth science - word search

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I enjoyed trying your clever word search. We do not have enought of these.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

while there are no character or plot there are 25 words which must be found and then the understanding of what the words mean. Good teaching tool.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Create more of these for our enjoyment.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thank you for being a anniversary reviewer. I hope you enjoyed your anniversary.

dblameck

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943
943
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Thank you for the opportunity to solve your delightful puzzle. I appreciate the word entailed in creating such an interesting game.
944
944
Review by dblameck (David)
Rated: E | (4.0)

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Review of Early Morning Thought

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I guess it all depends on your point of view. If you reread this story you see the writer has had several changes in their point of view during this story which I guess could be a couple of hours. Your story is well done and does adequately express the feeling one might have in those situations.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Not able to sleep and not find anything else interesting your main character moves from one thing to another.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more. I really appreciated the environmental feeling of the early morning.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck

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945
945
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Review of What the Hell is Going On?

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

The title is what I am asking myself. We have a priest, Monsignor Placid, seems to be boffing a prostitute in a cemetary. when he gets a call about a Martian Invasion. Then is the end it seems to be a dream so the priest pays the prositute.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Placid, the priest; Gen the prositute and the ghost of a martian. Do I seem confused? Guess what I am. If that is what you intended then you accomplished it.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Make your story clearer.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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946
946
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Review of Love and Eternal Friendship

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short poem about an important relationship. The first line is a a partial quote from the 13th chapter of Corinthians in the Bible. Good expression of feeling but I think with work this poem could be better.

RYTHMN & FLOW:

The first six lines are in rhyming couplet and the last six are almost free verse. Work on the last section and make the couplets continue and you will have an excelent poem. I know it takes work but you show the ability and does not this relationship deserve the time.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Comments already made about the last six lines. I would like to see the finished product.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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947
947
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Review of Mother-Daughter Conversations

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Wow. Doesn't sound like there was much love shared in these conversations. Not what i expected. Good forceful language of what must be terrible memories.

RYTHMN & FLOW:

Free verse with a collection of rants and raves that fit the situation. The short biting stacco sentences are excellent. Well done.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Make it longer. Vent if you wish but give us more detail.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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948
948
Review of Andrea's Visitor  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Review of Andrea's Visitor

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Good little story. The beginnin was a little slow and does not really help the story. You seem to be overemphasing sugar. A ghost with a wrong address. That is a good yarn and very appropriate that we are in October now.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Other than the trick or treaters the two characters are Andrea and the ghost. I feel you did a good job with each of them. Plot was a bit of a surprise and I enjoyed it.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Not sure of some of the words like realer and funnily. Everything else was fine. Too much time in the preamble and not enough time on the ghost.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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949
949
Review of The Door  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Review of The Door
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An interesting poem which I think is about a form of love. About a pact made long ago. Could this be a childhood love?

RYTHMN & FLOW:

Three four line verses with a pattern of A A B B. It flows nicely.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more. Share your ideas.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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950
950
Review of Secret Hope  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Secret Hope
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A well crafted poem about Hope. The imagery in th poem is well done and interesting.

RYTHMN & FLOW:

Eight four line verses with a rhyming pattern of A B C B. However I found that when read aloud the poem was a little abrupt and did not flow well. This could just be me.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more. This is a good piece of work.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed the thought that there is Hope regrowing. Have a happy and good anniversary.

dblameck
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