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901
901
Review of a fun time out  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*




Review of A Fun Time Out.

A miniscule poem which actually has a lot of possibilities. I can picture this in my mind. I think you could spend some time and make this into a very good picture poem. It needs work. I challenge you to take up the task and extend your poem.

Have a great anniversary.

dbLameck


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
902
902
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Do-Gooders, a Public Menace

A very good tongue in cheek essay about the necessity of educating our own children rather than allowing them to receive education from their parents.

You caused me to almost chuckle a couple of times.

Please keep using your humour to amuse and challenge us.

Have a great anniversary.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
903
903
Review of What is Sexy?  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of What is Sexy?

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Not actually what is normally poetry but a sense of prose. it is almost like like we are sitting in the corner of the bedroom while we listen to the activities.

RYTHMN & FLOW:

The rythmn of sex is the only rythmn that I found in this poem.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

In the last line I think it should be Kiss Me not Kisses Me.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary./c}

dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
904
904
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*



Review of Teddies in Trouble

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I hope the last line of your story is true. That is because while this story has a great possible plot is still a bit this and I expect a lot more can be done with it.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

An older woman with family who has moved away takes time to repair and refurbise used and abused stuffed animals. The descriptive passages are well done.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Since that is only the beginning them I would expect an extension of the story.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writinmg and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
905
905
Review of One For The Road  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*



Review of One for the Road

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A very short meeting at a bar where a man buys a lady a drink. Unfortunately that is far as the intereaction goes.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

There is a great opening but you need to direct where it will do. This would be a great venue to describe the two characters. At least you would then have a character stury.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

You need to be more verbose. Better to write too much. You can always edit it down.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
906
906
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*



Review of My Love Explained

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short little explanation of one's feeling toward another. i am not going to evaluate that love. That is not my purpose. I will comment on how the words are used. You state love is certain things. This personification of love is not new. The important thing is that love is precious.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

There is no and the charactrs are not defined.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Go into more detail. I would chouse a strong font also.


FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
907
907
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*



Review of Untreated Post Traumatic Stress

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

First thank you for sharing. What you are experiencing is beyond PTSS. Your mind has never left the battlefield. i remember coming back and going to a mall and having to leave because there were too many people. I learned to do it in small snatchs. It took a while but only things like a backfire or something falling cause me to revert to the nervous reactions of danger.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Relax and learn to deal with a different life. Do not concentrate on danger.

dblameck

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908
908
Review by dblameck (David)
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My other rating is because there are just too many things I would like to change. I am older and retired. My heair is grey. My knees are hobbled, my body is wearing out from the physical abuse I put it to during my life. Your poll just has too many of the things I would like to have back.
909
909
Review of Do you know  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
But knowing ones self does not in any matter also mean that we are happy with what we are. Today for me is a day of reflection. It is a snow day. The storm blowing six inches of snowupon my life has caused me to slow down. Take a day off and look at some of these poll questions. Yours should have some followup questions.
910
910
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)



Review of Erotic Proctivities 02

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Not as much erotic as it is a fashion statement. The detail is well done and I suppose dressing can definitely be a bosst to the sexual action in a story. However this goes too far in my thinking.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

No real plot. Great description of the attire of the characters. But it leaves looking for more.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

This is not what I would deem as erotic.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing. Try something with a little more zip.

dblameck

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
911
911
Review of Big Eddie  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Big Eddie

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

We are expecting the worst from this character and what we find is a man racked with pain from inhaling smoke. It shows what it can do to someone who appears strong. It is a good imagery used in this piece.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Expecting a confronation and something hurtful to one character we go away with a man almost defeated by tobacco smoke.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Extend the story this is a good start.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enkoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
912
912
Review of The Road Trip  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of The Road Trip

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A simple poem depicting the impressions of driving along a highway. Seeing nature and then those things that conflict with nature.

FLOW & RYTHMN:

The poem has a good flow and follows a pettern of dealing with nature and then the spoiled views and finaly how nature must feel. It is free verse and no rhyming pattern.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more like this.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
913
913
Review of Her  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

Review of Her

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

While your title gives the impression you will tell us about Dani you spend most of your time introducing your younger character who is not named in this selection. Is that your purpose? Perhaps to start with "I met Dani ..." and then go on to share the information.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

You spend more time expressing that your characters are lesbian and little time in actual description. Without great changes you could make this a better introduction to HER.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Change the title or reconsider what this piece is for.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I think it is a good start. The sexuality shows through. There is a feeling of passion. Please expand upon this.

dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
914
914
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Does this poem not get a bit risque in the second verse.

Perhaps you should include it under erotic poetry.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
915
915
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
An interesting quiz but I wonder that shows about a person. You might get different results depending on the age of the person. I am not sure how you could develop that type of quiz but it might be interesting o try. Anyhow thank you for getting me thinking.
916
916
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of What Goes Around...

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A zombie chase and the fears that those being chased feel. The story is better with spacing the paragraphs. You might wasnt to use a larger font because that makes it easier for the reader also.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

One male character who is ahead of the pack of zombies. His girl friend has already been bitten. More time could be taken describing theses characters.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more. Find a way to make it easy to share your thoughts. Write down everything you think and then edit.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
917
917
Review of Candles  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Review of Candles

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Great descriptions mark this short little erotic episode dealing with hot wax of candles. Candles are very erotic and this story uses many images that maintain that.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Two lovers partake of their sexual activity using the glow, the scent and the feel of hot wax and then the cooling on the naked skin. The short passage concludes with blowing out the candle which gives darkness and a romantic sense of being secluded together.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write longer stories.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well done.

dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
918
918
Review of Double or Divorce  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review of Double or Divorce

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A story of the silken trap. A pickup in a bar becomes more. It is an interesting concept and you have skillfully told the story.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A disguised plot that is well carried out. I only hope that paying double includes sex from the trap.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I see a small problem with her having her suitcase in the bar and yet they go to her room. If she had a room her suitcase would have been there.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.

dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
919
919
Review of Waking You  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review of Waking You

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story. It is unfortunate that you did not continue it, It has a slow buildup and a very romantic feel to the entire passage.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The title is perfect. The characters unnamed are obviously in love and have experience with each other. I hope you used these characters in some of your other writing.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

My only suggestion is to write more.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Great story.

dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
920
920
Review of Rose  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Rose

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Its that your story is just an attempt to physically display emotions. Most of the instances work but it lacks the thinking that would go along with these angry feelings.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The anger seems to be the plot and Greg is the only character. The story becomes a character study of Greg.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

One flaw that I noticed "bed in the coroner" you meant corner as a coroner is a medical examiner.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
921
921
Review of She Be Sea Worthy  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of She Be Sea Worthy

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An interesting story of a daughter trying to become a seaman like her father. From a yound age she plays being a sailor. The problem for me is the story is filled with inaccuracies that it is hard to read. They enter a small boat and in the next sentence you call it a schooner. A schooner is a ship not a boat. You mention a night with no stars but with a moon. That of course is an impossibility. Then you throw in some other tings you think are nautical. I was disappointed.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Trudy the daughter and Jay the father. Well identified and described. I am not quite sure where the plot was suppose to go.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Get a definite plot or story line and then ensure your information is correct.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
922
922
Review of Point Of view  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
There are reasons for changing the point of view. I have written several hundred stories and I have used different POV and sometimes I have done that terrible thing os slipping from one to another ( not good). I don't believe there is a right or wrong. But thank you for creating the poll and asking the question.
923
923
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I mostly write erotica and romance. The contests keep me on the site. However I feel that we should always give back so I have been very dedicated to reviewing stories as well. I have met some wonderful people here and enjoy sharing my stories with them and reading reviewing thier work as well.
924
924
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Review of Hansel and Gretel (A new telling)

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A slightly different story and I found it was interesting the direction that you took. I would think however that hippies would be mostly vegan. The ending was unexpected and brought a smile to my face.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The same basic plot only a different ending. The Big Bad Wold replaces the witch.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Go into a little more detail.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
925
925
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)


Review of After the Walk on the Beach

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story with a lot of interesting detail. You spend time going into the aspects of their love making which is beneficial to the story.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Your nameless characters enjoy their romantic tryst by the beach. There is no need for plot because the plot is timeless as they physically enjoy each other.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I thing there were too many references to monring in the beginning: morning storm, morning hair morning smell morning smile. Perhaps fewer references would be better.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

It is interesting to read a story read nine years ago. However this story is timeless.

dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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