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776
776
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*




Review of The Darkness Beneath the Sun

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

There are feeling that one does not want. You admit to these feeling but to not express what they are.

FLOW & RHYTHMN:

There are four rhyming couplets. The flow is adequate but does not promote the feeling of despair that are within the words of the poem.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Expand your thoughts and your feelings.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.


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777
777
Review of Life Lessons  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*




Review of Life Lessons

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Cute story and it just gets better the closer you get to the end. I enjoyed it.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A young boy has obviously had a problem at school. There seems to be a confusion over the word "pussy" This of course brings problems to the young boy without him even knowing why.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestion for improvement.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.


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778
778
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*




Review of The Nature of Darkness

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I read this several time and I think you keep trying to define darkness with darkness. I would suggest a title change.

FLOW & RHYTHMN:

Because it is free verse there is no standard rhyming pattern. The piece does seem to follow a logical pattern.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I think a better title for this poem would be the Nature of Evil.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and please enjoy your WDC anniversary.


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779
779
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with Forbidden Fruits Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Review of Love is Here to Stay

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short poem about love and the expression of it.

FLOW & RTHYMN:

The rythmn flows over the six three line verses. The pattern is A A B C C B.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions at this time.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and posting on WDC.


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780
780
Review of In the Clouds  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Review of In the Clouds

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Not sure if he is getting eaten by a giant or just stuck in a too soft chair.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Interesting thought pattern and a s sense of entrapment.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I need more to make an accurate assessment

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more./c}


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781
781
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


Review of Day 12 Toy Drummer

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An interesting little Christmas tale. I wondered how the little drummer boy got his new drumsticks.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A creative tale about a Christmas ornament and how it is treated by the various family members.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS

Continue sharing and writing stories for all of us on WDC.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more.


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782
782
Review of Eminence Grise  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Review of Eminence Grise

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

a great little poem with a very serious and dark message. Most people fortunately do not carry the images in their minds that soldiers in a war zone have for the rest of their lives.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The man with memories of things he does not really want to remember. Sometimes these things bring us to do and think things we would not normally do.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Keep writing particularly about things like this.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thank you for sharing.


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783
783
Review of My big dream  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


Review of My Big Dream

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

There seems to be two interspersed stories in this one effort. We have a fourteen year old female hockey player who is being abused by her foster parents. The other story is that this young girl is being trained by two NHL players

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Lizzy is the fourteen year old who plays defense on girl's hockey team. In the story she is being instructed by three Detroit Red Wind hockey players. There is her friend Niklas Kronwell, also called Nick, Nik and Nicky in the story. The other two are Swedish hockey players named Pavel and Hank.

The real crux of the story is however the physical and emotional abuse of Lizzie by her foster parentsnd two brother. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxdxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

My first suggestion is to increase the font and look at dividing the large paragraphs to smaller one thoughts. Get a novel and open it up and see how they are formatted. That can be a guide for you to what. your story should try to be like.

When writing dialogue note that when the speaker changes you should change the paragraph.

There are still a few places where you have used the wrong word.. Do you use a spelling and grammar check in your word processing program?

A fourteen year old girl looking toward playing in the NHL. Do you understand the current procedure for drafting players into the NHL

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I hope this helps.


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784
784
Review of Origins of Onyx  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


Review of Origins of Onyx

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An interesting fantasy story about a female mage, who is member of the High Council, is thrown off the council becaue she is pregnant with a girl from a shape shifter whom she plans to marry.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

it seems that no one on either side of this dispute wants these people to live a happy life. The story goes on to show the dispute at each level.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

it seem there should be more of this story on each side. So write the beginning and the next chapter.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and keep up your writing for the I write contest.


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785
785
Review of The wall  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Review of The Wall

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

It seems to be a story of a young man dealing with life while comparing it to the work of an artist and his understanding of colour.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The painting is you. You are the painting. thank you for sharing some of the thinks that helped you be you.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

If this was a painting I would say use a larger brush. But here you need a larger font.. If you have painted in watercolours you already know the importance of the white space on the paper.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writin and posting your work for all of us on WDC.


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786
786
Review of BOUNDING HOME  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)




Review of Bounding Home

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Great amount of detail and stories all grouped into one experience. It seems like the writer had first hand experience in this matter. The gruesome details of death and war are well done.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The lead character, Vincent Zecca, has been the platoon sergeant for this platoon of American G.I.'s since their arrival in England and through to their landing on Omaha Beach and the combat thee weeks after. They are now being given relief and some much needed R and R. Characters are well defined.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

There are several stories here and they are connected by the happenings of this platoon of soldiers who landed on Omaha Beach in Normandy. I would suggest breaking the stories up into small episodes.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This is excellent work. Keep at it.


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787
787
Review of Title Coming Soon  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)



Review of Title Coming Soon

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

What starts out as a stalker and voyeur story which was starting to get a bit creepy suddenly turns into a vampire seduction.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Unnamed characters are usually acceptable but in this case with three participants if can get confusing. There is not much character physical description.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Spacing between paragraphs makes a story much more readable. Look at a printed book that is what you want to accomplish.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This is a good story. I enjoyed it. Keep writing and sharing with your fellow writers on WDC.


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788
788
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of The Great big Little Question

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

With only fifty-five words you have created a memory that may last forever in my mind. Well done at grasping the emotion so simply yet so strongly.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A man and his daughter and a burning question in her mind and yet so difficult to broach an answer to it.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

don't change anything.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and please enjoy your WDC anniversary.


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789
789
Review of Framed!  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Review of Framed

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

It is strange how many of us shared our early life with stuffed criminals that we blamed for those childhood disasters for. Mine was an elephant but I can't remember the name of the elephant. I really enjoyed your story particularly because you caught the impression of the four year old.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Maggie is a joy. You have touched on the thoughts and feeling of a four year old.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I would only suggest you write more stories of this nature.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and sharing with all of us on WDC.


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790
790
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)


Review of Bread and the NFL Circuses

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

There are many opinions of the situations with Mr. Rice and his now wife. Each and every person has the right to their own opinions. I feel sorry for all the people involved. There is pain and guilt in many places.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Anger, and suffering go on in this life. Truely football has developed into allowing aggression to come into many people's lives. Is it the Nfl that is to blame. I guess you can equate the stadium spectacles of Rome to those of the modern nfl game.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thankfully I do not have to make a suggestion about the penalty for his acts.


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791
791
Review of Maybe Tomorrow  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
size:4}

Review of Maybe Tomorrow

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

{color:red}OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

If only we could always say that. I enjoyed your futuristic approach and the feeling of Eric as he left a battle environment for one of peace and tranquility. (/c}

{color:blue}PLOT & CHARACTERS:

What kind of environment was Eric in. Not a pleasant one and having the choice to "call up the auto-inject protocol and initiated a full dose of Passivity" was a great thing for him. (/c}

{color:green}SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

A longer piece using this same structure would be nice. (/c}

{color:purple}FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing. This was good. (/c}

dblameck
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792
792
Review of THE BATTLE  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Review of The Battle

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Some battles are over in a fleeting moment. While others go on and on without end in sight. We go forth to battle equipped as best we can and with a steadfast hope for victory.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Battles are not enjoyable aspects of life. They are however the building blocks of our lives. They strengthen and ripen us to make our lives worth living.{/c

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Your passing the torch to your hand of faith is important. I have been foxholes. it is said there are no unbelievers in a foxhole. I have held people in my arms while they prayed just before their death. God is there in the battle.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

God bless you and please keep writing things like this. I really enjoyed reading it over and over.

dblameck
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793
793
Review of walk  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)

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Review of Walk

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I've read the poem several times and still do not see any meaning for the aspect of negativity that I feel projecting through the words.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

The walk seems to be a negative aspect for this poem.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I would like to understand the meaning of the poems I read. Keep writing and please enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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794
794
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Grandma's Cookie Jar
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A story about a cookie jar and an affection for it and for chocolate cookies. None of the people who own the jar ever seem to want to fill it with cookies.The young grows and waits and eventually inherits the jar,

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A short historic review of a family and of a cookie jar.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I appreciate the inclusion of the recipe for the great choclate chip cookies.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and please enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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795
795
Review of Fit To Be Tied  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review of Fit to be Tied

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, another competitor, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story of an unusual event in a dress shop. A man assisting a woman in the changing room leaves many possibilities for an erotic story.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Bonnie who is shopping for a dress and Jock the sales person who has a very direct way of helping his customers.
It comes to my mind that Jock might not be sexually interested in bonnie because of his sexual orientation.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

With the title i would have thought that you would have Jock somehow tie her up in the dressing room. Perhaps secured to one of the hooks they hang clothes on. It would allow Jock some other liberties.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Good story. I like it when there are good stories to compete in the weekly quickie. good luck with this one.

dblameck
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796
796
Review of emulation evil  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)

Review of Emulation Evil

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A simple introduction to a potential story. Obviously this twelve year old is going to have to exist within a computer game probably battling zombies.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Not much to go on yet. The plot seems reasonable if it is bit thin.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Your intro needs something more than this to hold a reader. This is hardly enough for the dust jacket of a novel.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Expand your idea and give us more substance to deal with. Keep writing.

dblameck
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797
797
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Review of Getting Ready

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

The first segment of Pet's Night Out. It is an interesting descriptive passage of her outfit and some of the emotional aspects of who she is. It very much concentrates n the thought and feelings of the submissive.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

This is setting the stage by dressing the central character of this story. I look forward to reading the next episode.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

None at this time.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing this portion seems pretty good.

dblameck
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798
798
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


Review of True Grit Scene Spoof
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Great parody of the final shootout scene of True Grit. I imagine they would have had a more secluded spot for this scene. I do like your imaginative take on this.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

All the same characters as the movie and they are easily defined.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I like what you have written.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed your take on this. Please write more.

dblameck
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799
799
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Review of The Rest of the Story

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Great story. I like that you chose a font that is like that of a typewriter that may have been used in that time of history. So a little part of history is explained with the choice of a single word.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A young man is writing his parents to explain that is staying in Washington as a wartime job as a typist for the president of the United States because some one in the press room asked him to type something and eventually was the speech that Roosevelt gave to Congress on December 7th 1941.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

This would have been an interesting quirk of history. No suggestions for improvement.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.

dblameck
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800
800
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)


Review of We Strangle Our Heroes

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I agree generally with your comments about war. I served in three United Nations Peace Keeping Operations have seen what is a double standard. Military personnel can kill and maime their opponents. They might be considered heroes. When the non- military oppose them and kill soldiers they are considered murders and have even been tried in courts in Guantanamo Bay.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The characters are unlimited. Those who battle in wars should be considered with respect. It does become a problem when the enemy sometimes are civilians which causes great problems for the military. The Rules of Engagement don't always meet the need.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

No suggestions. just a sad confused heart.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep up with your thought and ideas. Keep writing.

dblameck
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