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1,502 Public Reviews Given
1,747 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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476
Review of the old house  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello raymond
What a great metaphor for time.
*Cut*Suggestions for edit:
*Bullet*"it's ceaseless" & "on it's now" ~ should be "its" Possessive of "it" has no apostrophe.
*Bullet*Perhaps add line breaks where your sentences change. I had to reread several times to put the words right.
Overall, I liked the image this work invoked.
Regards,
Kim

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477
477
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello T_rideRay
Hemp! This is definitely a fact-filled article with some valid argument for the use of hemp in fiber items.
Some gaps in the article are: Why was hemp banned? There also is no summary. Do you want legislation changed? Did you want people to buy hemp products? Is that the purpose of the link at the end?
Overall, very informative.
Regards,
Kim


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478
478
Review of The Outside In..  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Elsie
Interesting poem about a leap of faith and putting trust in love. Well done!

*Cut*Suggestion for edit:
*Bullet* Perhaps condense the prose by breaking lines only after punctuation.

*Heart*My favorite phrase: "You know these words and timeless dreams are all disguised as me;"

Write on!

Regards,
Kim

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479
479
Review of One Resolution  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Kate - Writing & Reading

Bravo! A very nice haiku! I like the images of kindness as a seedling. *Smile*

*Heart* I hope you entered this in a contest, it's quite good.

*Cut* No suggestions for edit or change. Great job!

Regards,
Kim

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480
480
Review of Rumor Has It...  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello kiyasama
What an amusing story! I'm sure this happens in schools (and workplaces) every day. Remember the child's game called "Whisper Down the Lane"? I thought your ending was very clever. No suggestions for edit. Good luck to you, this looks as if it is a contest entry.

Regards,
Kim

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481
481
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello livingclip13
Yes, I'd have to agree with you, pretty weird!
The eternal question that isn't answered is why?
Edit suggestions *Cut*:
*Bullet*"the dirty pear, as it fell from" ~ No comma.
*Bullet*"Unable to move he screatched and hissed." ~ Comma after move. Spell "scratched."
*Bullet*"cats middle" ~ "cat's."
*Bullet*"devouered" ~ "devoured"
*Bullet*"carcuses" ~ "carcasses"
Overall, good and gruesome! Write on!
Regards,
Kim
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482
482
Review of My Everything  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello serahikari

A great emotional write.

*Cut*Content edit suggestions:

*Bullet*Since this is a monologue, perhaps when a question is asked, even rhetorically, it should be answered. I think it would help the flow.

*Bullet*"And with you is stability; possibility." This is fragmented. Perhaps: And being with you means stability, a possibility of strength.

*Bullet*"It’s easier to hide in a mask then face it all." "Then" should be "than."

*Bullet*"You didn’t ask the physco to kill you." I'm not sure what this sentence meant. Also, "psycho."

Phrases I *Heart*:

"I’m not brave enough to fight the system without you."
"I need you with every painful sobbing gasp and every tired movement."
"Nothing will go my way if I don’t do it myself."

Overall, I liked your work, well done!

Regards,
Kim

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483
483
Review of My Everything  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello serahikar

A great emotional write.

*Cut*Content edit suggestions:

*Bullet*Since this is a monologue, perhaps when a question is asked, even rhetorically, it should be answered. I think it would help the flow.

*Bullet*"And with you is stability; possibility." This is fragmented. Perhaps: And being with you means stability, a possibility of strength.

*Bullet*"It’s easier to hide in a mask then face it all." "Then" should be "than."

*Bullet*"You didn’t ask the physco to kill you." I'm not sure what this sentence meant. Also, "psycho."

Phrases I *Heart*:

"I’m not brave enough to fight the system without you."
"I need you with every painful sobbing gasp and every tired movement."
"Nothing will go my way if I don’t do it myself."

*Reading*Overall, I liked your work, well done!

Regards,
Kim

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484
484
Review of Ascension  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello gaeliciriquois,
Excellent tale! No suggestions for grammatical edit, one minor note: You didn't name your last chapter. *Smile* I only noticed this on the third read, I was entranced the first two times. I agree, it's ready for publication. I suggest fantasy as genre, as religion does not seem to fit. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Write On!
Regards,
Kim

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485
485
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Gavin ,

*Smile*Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you find this site to be as helpful and rewarding as I do.

*Heart*I enjoyed your story for its wonderful descriptive qualities and your imaginative similes. I have no suggestions for edit. The only question you left hanging for your reader was "Was Naima really a suicide terrorist?"

*Delight*Overall, an excellent tale with a thought-provoking twist. Well done!

*Snow1*Regards,*Snow3*
Kim

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486
486
Review of The Codicil  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Teddy,
This is a great hook! I clicked on your item because of the unusual title and found your amusing story. Are you going to write more? I imagine this expanding into a very funny story. No suggestions for editing. Well done.
Regards,
Kim

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487
487
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello P.S. Foster

What an amusing and charming story! It's so typical of what boys will do when they're bored. LOL I really don't have a suggestion for edit. Your dialog was very funny and I loved when Jr. gave him the "shut up" look. *Laugh* Overall this was a great anecdote that I enjoyed reading. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
488
488
Review of Only a Whisper  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Cardawnia ,

This was a very beautiful prayer. *Smile* I could tell it was heartfelt. I especially liked the line: "Thank-you, Lord, for being only a breath away, a word away.

I only have one suggestion for edit:
*Bullet*"never more"
*Idea*"nevermore"

Overall, it was a beautiful prayer about His promise.

Regards,
Kim

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489
489
Review of Fairyland  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello mizzie ,
This is a sweet poem on fairies!
The rhyming almost feels like lyrics.
I like the idea of fairies fading if no one believes in them. *Smile* Just imagine how easily this could be illustrated. I enjoyed your poem.
Well done!
Regards,
Kim

An excellent signature.
490
490
Review of My cat  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello lilwriter
This is a sweet little poem.
I have a couple suggestions.
Perhaps your last line should say: "But if Cuddles was still living, I would say "I love you."
Also, it doesn't fit the tense of the poem.
If you keep the last line, perhaps change the rest of the poem to past tense. "My was as warm as a mitten."
Overall, it's a great start and I love kitties!
Regards,
Kim

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491
491
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Erin Michelle ,
This is a wonderful story! Your storyline is an excellent idea and you've done a good job with your dialog. I do have a couple suggestions: Indent your line changes with the ML tag {indent} and separate your speaker changes with line breaks for easier reading. Also, the ending seems rushed and it's not obvious that you hopped forward on the time line for the last paragraph. Take some time to flesh it out and it will be an even better story.
Overall, a great emotional story. Write on!
Regards,
Kim

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492
492
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello billwilcox
An excellently fashioned tale of space travel. This has well organized dialog and believable situation. The timeline titles keep it in sync. I love Jane, she's an awesome, strong character. Wicked good horror story! A great read! Definitely a winner in my book.
Good luck!
Regards,
Kim

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493
493
Review of Perfection  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello C.Martin

Welcome to Writing.com! *Smile*

This is sweet poem. I liked the phrase "prism of beauty". I didn't understand why only the first two
lines were capitalized, though. Perhaps a period after "You" would help.
Overall, it was simple and well expressed. *Smile*
Regards,
Kim

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494
494
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (1.5)
Hello kahosat25,
Interesting prose here.
It's a theme that teens have had for many, many
generations. What would you consider to be the
"best hopeful phrases"?
Some of your lines were overlong in this, perhaps
you could break them up.
Overall, a good expression of your feelings.
Write on!
Regards,
Kim

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495
495
Review of Persephone's Kiss  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Ben Tober ,

Welcome to Writing.com!
I enjoyed this poem. I enjoy references to Greek mythology in poetry. Did Persephone's temple mean the Hade's Underworld in your poem?
Your poem was well written and has no grammar errors.
Write on!

Regards,
Kim
496
496
Review of Harmony of Hope  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Reemz ,

I would first like to welcome you to Writing.com!
I hope you enjoy our community.
I enjoyed reading your poem and have no suggestions
for changes or edit. It indeed was hopeful.

Write on!
Regards,
Kim

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497
497
Review of High Occupancy  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Robert Waltz ,

*groan*

An excellent tale, a wonderful pun of an ending. Aside, the tale was woven well, with good descriptives and imaginative characters. No edit recommended and thank you for the giggle. *Laugh*

Write on,

Kim

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498
498
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello quantumcr8tive
First, Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you are enjoying our community.
Rarely do I stumble across a short that encompasses so much and leaves such an impression. This leaves me with little to suggest for edit. I admire your descriptives and your excellent work wrapping up the write.
Write on!
Regards,
Kim

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499
499
Review of Pinky the Rat  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hiya W.D.,

I just had to click it, didn't I?
There was the link, just waiting to be clicked and I fell for it and clicked.

Now I'm going to have nightmares.
Thanks a heap. Thanks a big heap.

Excellent story, bloody but not disgusting and gory. Hope that's what you were going for. Great dialog, I see nothing to suggest a change for edit. Definitely enough ewwww for impact. Well done Bill.

Now, where's my flashlight?

*giggles into my hands*
Kim
500
500
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Bob,

A lovely haiku.
A few suggestions for edit.
Your brief description has a spelling error. "pleasure"
I believe haikus look lovely if you single space
and use a {center} ML tag with them. You can learn
more about ML tags in your "Author Tools" drop down
list under "WritingML Help".

Regards,
Kim

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