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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/legerdemain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/18
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1,548 Public Reviews Given
1,793 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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426
426
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello David McClain Author Icon

This was a very enjoyable story. You showed the bittersweet emotion of Jason and Mary's relationship to an excellent degree. I just wrote a newsletter about contemporary setting and unusual voices and this story definitely proves my point.

Your descriptions were believable. I liked how you wrote about possible leaps of faith. I wonder how many women would actually jump on a plane?

A suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I rated this 4.5 only because I found some of the "in person" dialog a bit stilted.

Overall, an excellent story.

Regards,
Kim
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427
427
Review of It Won't Be Long  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello doctor who Author Icon
I liked the devotion I felt in your poetry.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Most lines with the word "that" can have "that" removed *Smile*
*Bullet*The same goes for the word "but".

Overall, I liked the way the emotions came full circle at the end of the poem. It touched me as a heartfelt message to someone you love. Well done!

Regards,
Kim
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428
428
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello dannoden Author Icon
I enjoyed your first chapter tremendously. It has the promise of an interesting story. You did well creating your setting and introducing your characters. I didn't read your prologue and I grasped the story quite fine without it. Write on!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*which looked when viewed in full light like it might be a star-sapphire It seems better to say "which, when viewed in full light, looked like a star-sapphire".
*Bullet*"The nose reminded him of Dick Tracy's" ~ While I'm just barely old enough to remember Dick Tracy, some of your younger readers may not.
*Bullet*Kaelin's dialog seems a bit stilted. Perhaps it's purposeful, since he is an alien being.

Overall, a great beginning! Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
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429
429
Review of Thirteen  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello stevek Author Icon
What a lovely tribute to your daughter!
This will be something she treasures forever.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 2: Soles should be souls, unless you're talking about feet.
*Bullet*Line 5: Angle should be angel, since she seems so sweet.
*Bullet*Line 11: Too many commas!
*Bullet*"I love you court" Court should be capitalized.

Overall, Daddy did a wonderful job telling the world about his sweet daughter. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
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430
430
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Emily Author Icon
How inspiring! I liked your poem. It convinced me that spring may actually be on its way and chase away these cold winter doldrums. I liked the images you created as the grass grew and breezed into summer.

A suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The point of view changes from "I" to "we" as the poem progresses. Was that intentional?

Overall, I enjoyed the lovely write.

Regards,
Kim
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431
431
Review of Success: Doubtful  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello A.Sharma Author Icon
Hey! I liked this poem!
For such few words and short lines, you made an impression on me.
I felt the poem had strength. Nice work.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Perhaps punctuate.
*Bullet*The word "will" is used several times. I would suggest a substitute or two.

Overall, the work had a definite impact on me. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
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432
432
Review of I'm Not Worth It  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello csdancer Author Icon
You did a good job of capturing the feelings of desolation and sadness in your poem. I liked how it ended on a more positive note.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* (i) is not correct. (I) should always be capitalized. Please correct in poem and brief description.
*Bullet* "dreadfuly" should be "dreadfully"
*Bullet* "turrning" should be "turning"
*Bullet* "begining" should be "beginning"

Overall, you presented an emotion well but need to correct your spelling.

Regards,
Kim

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433
433
Review of Cries  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello deep blu see Author Icon
You've painted vivid images with your poetry in this work. I enjoyed the comparison of life and death. I've never thought of them being so similar.
My favorite line was: "a cross’s shadow receives a mother’s tears"

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, a stunning write with great imagery! I hope to read more. Write on!

Regards,
Kim

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434
434
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello I dont know what this is. Author Icon
This is a very amusing essay! You present your argument for the fork quite clearly. This would be a great submission to a college magazine. Lots of students could relate! No matter the technique, I think readers will enjoy this article.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Eating Kraft Dinner with a spoon is like selling out." ~ Isn't this contradictory?
*Bullet*Just what do the 18% who don't use a fork or spoon use? *Laugh*

Overall, I enjoyed your article. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
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435
435
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello casual Author Icon
What an interesting topic to choose for a poem. I don't think I've run across a poem on the ozone layer before.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*First stanza: surging seems incorrect, maybe flowing? I didn't understand the last two lines.
*Bullet*The rest of the poem seems to follow the form you establish in the first stanza.
*Bullet*The last stanza seems the most natural, without any forced rhyme. Well done!

Overall, an unusual topic, thanks for posting!

Regards,
Kim
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436
436
Review of Ready  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello andy2007 Author Icon
This poem almost tells a story. I think you have some really good ideas in the backbone here and with a little work, this could be an excellent piece.
I love the images these phrases evoked:
"Church of the saints"
"sorrow of the hills"
Great job.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Review the word "your", many times it should be the contraction "you're" for "you are"
*Bullet*The last four lines seem to break in odd places.
*Bullet*I'd like to see more of your "story". Write on!

Overall, you created some great images in my mind.

Regards,
Kim

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437
437
Review of lamplight  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello doctor who Author IconMail Icon
Cool idea for a word search puzzle. I like your choices for words and finished the puzzle in 5:39
*Cut*I'm not sure that "greates" is a word, you might want to check that out and edit.
Thanks for posting some fun!
Regards,
Kim
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438
438
Review of Was it a ... tie?  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello DanteMouse Author Icon
What a clever story! I found this story featured in the 9/20 Short Story Newsletter and enjoyed it very much. I loved Alice in Wonderland as a child and was pleased to visit it again today.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*He was just wondering if the King would have him shoved from his wall in a fit of rage, when he spotted a note. ~ I'm not sure if this is parody of style or a passive sentence.
*Bullet*The letter from the King and Queen was hilarious. *Heart* Well done.

Overall, you certainly brightened my day with a smile. Thanks for posting such an amusing story.

Regards,
Kim

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439
439
Review of Blue M&M  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello ellis Author Icon
Bravo! This is one of the best short stories I've read in quite some time! I loved the twist at the end. Although I'm a bit leary about eating Blue M&M's now. LOL

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I don't know what John looks like.
*Bullet*Timmy's lisp was a great touch to authenticate his age. Good job.

Overall, I don't have a lot of bad things to say about the story. It was well done, the descriptive work was good and the pacing was excellent. I hope to read more of your work in the future.

Regards,
Kim

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440
440
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Saffron Author Icon
*laughing* Well, this wasn't what I expected from the title of your poem. Which, by the way, I thought was very clever. What a amusing concept! Now I know what wakes me in the night. All that mocking! You did an excellent job of characterizing the shadow.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Why does the shadow hate the clothing?
*Bullet*While you sleep, When you wake, seems like the rhythm is thrown off there, perhaps expound on the times the shadow lurks...?

Overall, a successful, amusing write. Keep up the good work.

Regards,
Kim

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441
441
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello clh04
What a charming poem! I think many of us felt that way when we first joined this site. *Smile* Lucky for us, there is support right around the bend. Heh.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"signifigance" ~ significance
*Bullet*"And playful wits" ~ Suggest taking out "and" so it's not redundant with the next line.

Overall, a cute poem. Be brave! Write on!

Regards,
Kim

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442
442
Review of The Lights  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lost Outside The Norm Author Icon
Welcome to Writing.com!
I liked this poem. It felt like a sad song. I thought your brief description was clever, was "losing someone" the girl or the narrator?
The last lines did an excellent job of wrapping up the write and leaving your reader with something to think about.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Just before a fall unconscious" ~ Would that be "before I fall"? Or have I read it wrong?
*Bullet*"Swerving cars, they can't"
*Bullet*"Seems destiny brought me where"
*Bullet*"remember just the way"

Overall, a well defined poem. Write on!

Regards,
Kim

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443
443
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Wicked Game Author Icon
This had me laughing. Quite funny because they're not the words one would expect from a "goddess". I admired your formatting and conversational tone. Well done.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Capitalize "I". Lower case "i" makes the write look babyish.
*Bullet*Remove "~" in "one~night stand"

Overall, a very amusing poem.

Regards,
Kim

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444
444
Review of Visceral  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ashes Author Icon
What a surprising contemporary work! I really like the text format of this write and admire how well you did with so few words. Well done! I hope to see more of this kind of work in your portfolio.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"reflection [of] mystic unrevealed" was the only phrase that threw me off. If it was unrevealed, how could it reflect? Was I thinking too literally?

Overall, fascinating work. Write on!

Regards,
Kim

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445
445
Review of The knife  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello karrill
Welcome to Writing.com.
What a fascinating point of view! I don't think I've ever read something with a knife's point of view. Great idea.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*who is this that wields me now
And what plans might he have for me tonight?
*Bullet*" his lovers scorn" ~ "lover's"
*Bullet*Last paragraph: You stray from your point of view as the knife, it seems to do disservice to the poem. Perhaps a rewrite?

Overall, interesting work. Keep posting!

Regards,
Kim

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446
446
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello BigHertShow Author Icon
I liked your poem. Nice work narrating the emotion of longing.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"listen to me any way" ~ "anyway"
*Bullet*"anything to just be with you"
*Bullet*"But you just sit"
*Bullet*"say were through" ~ "we're"
*Bullet*"I can not tell a lie" ~ "cannot"

Overall, a nice expression of sentiment.

Regards,
Kim

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447
447
Review of Children!!  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Dragon Queen Author Icon
Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you're enjoying your membership with our community.

You've written a delightful poem, capturing the image of playful children very well. My favorite phrase: "Making mothers knees weak." Oh my yes! Nice work. The gray hair is definitely worth it!

A suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"chase away my teasrs" ~ "tears"?

Overall, sweet work. Write on!

Regards,
Kim

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448
448
Review of UNSEEN GIFTS  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Brontesister Author Icon
Welcome to Writing.com!
I like poems of nature.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The "All capitals" is a bit disturbing. I know some people type in all caps because of visual handicaps but I think the poem would be better served written regularly.
*Bullet*Your descriptions are nice but a few of the lines are a bit long.

Overall, a nice job rhyming but needs a little edit. Keep working and write on!

Regards,
Kim

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449
449
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Yodeller Author Icon
Welcome to Writing.com!
This is a fine expression of lost love.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 3: "cuz" ~ Write out as 'cause or because.
*Bullet*Line 12: "alright" ~ "all right"
*Bullet*Line 14: "Shen" ~ "Then"
*Bullet*Line 17: "as the weather" ~ As the weather did what?
*Bullet*Line 21: "Nothings like it" ~ "Nothing"
*Bullet*Line 29: "you've already tred" ~ "tried"
*Bullet*The poem seems to be missing a lot of commas, paste it in Word and try adding.

Overall, the poem had an interesting rhythm.

Regards,
Kim

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450
450
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Penwrath Author Icon
A decidedly wolfish story! *Smile* I liked the twist at the ending.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"and the people always confused because they couldn’t understand how the plants stayed green without rain" Intro works better without this line.
*Bullet*" Before he’d grown so old, he’d sometimes thought of running away and joining a circus. But then again, Emperor had never heard of a circus traveling through the land where the sky was always blue." Distracting, cut from story.
*Bullet*gloopy tears....gloopy?
*Bullet*absurdedly long skirts ~ Why did you need "absurdedly"?

Overall, an interesting tale.

Regards,
Kim
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