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1,502 Public Reviews Given
1,747 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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401
401
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello casual
What an interesting topic to choose for a poem. I don't think I've run across a poem on the ozone layer before.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*First stanza: surging seems incorrect, maybe flowing? I didn't understand the last two lines.
*Bullet*The rest of the poem seems to follow the form you establish in the first stanza.
*Bullet*The last stanza seems the most natural, without any forced rhyme. Well done!

Overall, an unusual topic, thanks for posting!

Regards,
Kim
Review Bear signature
402
402
Review of Ready  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello andy2007
This poem almost tells a story. I think you have some really good ideas in the backbone here and with a little work, this could be an excellent piece.
I love the images these phrases evoked:
"Church of the saints"
"sorrow of the hills"
Great job.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Review the word "your", many times it should be the contraction "you're" for "you are"
*Bullet*The last four lines seem to break in odd places.
*Bullet*I'd like to see more of your "story". Write on!

Overall, you created some great images in my mind.

Regards,
Kim

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403
403
Review of lamplight  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello doctor who
Cool idea for a word search puzzle. I like your choices for words and finished the puzzle in 5:39
*Cut*I'm not sure that "greates" is a word, you might want to check that out and edit.
Thanks for posting some fun!
Regards,
Kim
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404
404
Review of Was it a ... tie?  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello DanteMouse
What a clever story! I found this story featured in the 9/20 Short Story Newsletter and enjoyed it very much. I loved Alice in Wonderland as a child and was pleased to visit it again today.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*He was just wondering if the King would have him shoved from his wall in a fit of rage, when he spotted a note. ~ I'm not sure if this is parody of style or a passive sentence.
*Bullet*The letter from the King and Queen was hilarious. *Heart* Well done.

Overall, you certainly brightened my day with a smile. Thanks for posting such an amusing story.

Regards,
Kim

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405
405
Review of Blue M&M  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello ellis
Bravo! This is one of the best short stories I've read in quite some time! I loved the twist at the end. Although I'm a bit leary about eating Blue M&M's now. LOL

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I don't know what John looks like.
*Bullet*Timmy's lisp was a great touch to authenticate his age. Good job.

Overall, I don't have a lot of bad things to say about the story. It was well done, the descriptive work was good and the pacing was excellent. I hope to read more of your work in the future.

Regards,
Kim

An excellent signature.
406
406
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Saffron
*laughing* Well, this wasn't what I expected from the title of your poem. Which, by the way, I thought was very clever. What a amusing concept! Now I know what wakes me in the night. All that mocking! You did an excellent job of characterizing the shadow.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Why does the shadow hate the clothing?
*Bullet*While you sleep, When you wake, seems like the rhythm is thrown off there, perhaps expound on the times the shadow lurks...?

Overall, a successful, amusing write. Keep up the good work.

Regards,
Kim

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407
407
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello LazyMuse
What a charming poem! I think many of us felt that way when we first joined this site. *Smile* Lucky for us, there is support right around the bend. Heh.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"signifigance" ~ significance
*Bullet*"And playful wits" ~ Suggest taking out "and" so it's not redundant with the next line.

Overall, a cute poem. Be brave! Write on!

Regards,
Kim

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408
408
Review of The Lights  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lost Outside The Norm
Welcome to Writing.com!
I liked this poem. It felt like a sad song. I thought your brief description was clever, was "losing someone" the girl or the narrator?
The last lines did an excellent job of wrapping up the write and leaving your reader with something to think about.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Just before a fall unconscious" ~ Would that be "before I fall"? Or have I read it wrong?
*Bullet*"Swerving cars, they can't"
*Bullet*"Seems destiny brought me where"
*Bullet*"remember just the way"

Overall, a well defined poem. Write on!

Regards,
Kim

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409
409
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Wicked Game
This had me laughing. Quite funny because they're not the words one would expect from a "goddess". I admired your formatting and conversational tone. Well done.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Capitalize "I". Lower case "i" makes the write look babyish.
*Bullet*Remove "~" in "one~night stand"

Overall, a very amusing poem.

Regards,
Kim

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410
410
Review of Visceral  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ashes
What a surprising contemporary work! I really like the text format of this write and admire how well you did with so few words. Well done! I hope to see more of this kind of work in your portfolio.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"reflection [of] mystic unrevealed" was the only phrase that threw me off. If it was unrevealed, how could it reflect? Was I thinking too literally?

Overall, fascinating work. Write on!

Regards,
Kim

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411
411
Review of The knife  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello John Kirkland
Welcome to Writing.com.
What a fascinating point of view! I don't think I've ever read something with a knife's point of view. Great idea.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*who is this that wields me now
And what plans might he have for me tonight?
*Bullet*" his lovers scorn" ~ "lover's"
*Bullet*Last paragraph: You stray from your point of view as the knife, it seems to do disservice to the poem. Perhaps a rewrite?

Overall, interesting work. Keep posting!

Regards,
Kim

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412
412
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello BigHertShow
I liked your poem. Nice work narrating the emotion of longing.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"listen to me any way" ~ "anyway"
*Bullet*"anything to just be with you"
*Bullet*"But you just sit"
*Bullet*"say were through" ~ "we're"
*Bullet*"I can not tell a lie" ~ "cannot"

Overall, a nice expression of sentiment.

Regards,
Kim

Leger has heart.
413
413
Review of Children!!  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Dragon Queen
Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you're enjoying your membership with our community.

You've written a delightful poem, capturing the image of playful children very well. My favorite phrase: "Making mothers knees weak." Oh my yes! Nice work. The gray hair is definitely worth it!

A suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"chase away my teasrs" ~ "tears"?

Overall, sweet work. Write on!

Regards,
Kim

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414
Review of UNSEEN GIFTS  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Brontesister
Welcome to Writing.com!
I like poems of nature.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The "All capitals" is a bit disturbing. I know some people type in all caps because of visual handicaps but I think the poem would be better served written regularly.
*Bullet*Your descriptions are nice but a few of the lines are a bit long.

Overall, a nice job rhyming but needs a little edit. Keep working and write on!

Regards,
Kim

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415
415
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Yodeller
Welcome to Writing.com!
This is a fine expression of lost love.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 3: "cuz" ~ Write out as 'cause or because.
*Bullet*Line 12: "alright" ~ "all right"
*Bullet*Line 14: "Shen" ~ "Then"
*Bullet*Line 17: "as the weather" ~ As the weather did what?
*Bullet*Line 21: "Nothings like it" ~ "Nothing"
*Bullet*Line 29: "you've already tred" ~ "tried"
*Bullet*The poem seems to be missing a lot of commas, paste it in Word and try adding.

Overall, the poem had an interesting rhythm.

Regards,
Kim

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416
416
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Penwrath
A decidedly wolfish story! *Smile* I liked the twist at the ending.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"and the people always confused because they couldn’t understand how the plants stayed green without rain" Intro works better without this line.
*Bullet*" Before he’d grown so old, he’d sometimes thought of running away and joining a circus. But then again, Emperor had never heard of a circus traveling through the land where the sky was always blue." Distracting, cut from story.
*Bullet*gloopy tears....gloopy?
*Bullet*absurdedly long skirts ~ Why did you need "absurdedly"?

Overall, an interesting tale.

Regards,
Kim
417
417
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Donielle25

I loved this Prayer. It was lovely and thought provoking. If it encourages one person into action, then you have succeeded! Bless you for posting.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 10: " send and angel to her punctuate
*Bullet*Line 14: "Can yYou reach out"
*Bullet*Line 26, 29, 30, 34 and 37: You/Your capitalization as above.

My favorite phrase *Heart*: "Waiting, so that when you need us
We will be there."

Overall, a great write.

Regards,
Kim

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418
418
Review of The Wind  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Allen Smith
Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you're enjoying your membership in our community.
I really loved this poem. On so many levels, you created some wonderful images along with a great rhythm.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"And for awhile we stood and talked" ~ "a while"
*Bullet*"us all to plethora" ~ The meaning is awkward.
The last line was my most favorite. *Heart*

Overall, a great read. Thanks for posting your work!

Regards,
Kim

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419
419
Review of Pen or Keyboard?  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello InkSlinger
Hey! Cool poll!
I chose my most often used medium but do use others.
I was curious to see if anyone had clicked "Scrawling in the dirt with a stick" *Laugh* Now that would have been funny.
I read somewhere that it's cathartic to write your worries in the sand and let the ocean wash them away, perhaps it's the same theory?
Also, a belated welcome to Writing.com! I hope you are enjoying your membership in our community. Thanks for posting your poll.
Regards,
Kim

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420
420
Review of Storm of Passion  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello 444
Welcome to Writing.com, I hope you enjoy our community.
Pretty free verse, I liked it!
It's a popular erotic wish. *Wink*
My favorite image was the "watchful dark night".

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 4: "In this moment we are sinking into" ~ Would read better with one "in" or "into".

Overall, well done! Write on!

Regards,
Kim

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421
421
Review of *Chained*  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello *RaiN*
I found your item on the Request Reviews page.
I liked your poem, the anger and sadness of an ended relationship was portrayed well.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Perhaps reverse the first two lines. To me it reads smoother that way.
*Heart*Favorite phrase:
I still exist in the delusion,
The illusion
Of love
*Smile*

Overall, an excellent write. Write on!

Regards,
Kim

twinkle fairy signature
422
422
Review of Save Your Breath  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello colingall
Hi there! Welcome to Writing.com.

This is a cool poem of the narrator separating from an ugly situation, it almost feels like lyrics.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 4, 12, 15, 25, 28: Capitalize "I"
*Bullet*Line 8: dial "tone"
*Bullet*Line 44: "eachother" ~ "each other"

Overall, I found the poetry interesting.

Regards,
Kim

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423
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Review of Words  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Ash Night
Welcome to Writing.com *Smile*
Great poetry! You painted a very cool image with your words in this poem. I really enjoyed it. My favorite phrase was "ice the bones and still the blood". *Shock* Creepy!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 5 & 14, typo "teh" ~ "the"
*Bullet*Line 11, try to lengthen, to help the rhythm.

Overall, I liked the poem and could see the image you created. Well done!

Regards,
Kim

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424
424
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hello Forge
Welcome to Writing.com. You have a really great idea for a poem here, it almost feels like a song, nice flow.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 5/6: When reading aloud, the end of 5 "you" and beginning of 6 "you'll, feels repetitive.
*Bullet*Line 12: "Use" seems like a harsh word in this poem. Perhaps rewrite that line.

Overall, a pretty, lyrical tribute to love. Well done.

Regards,
Kim

Sig which I animated.
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Review of A Reality Day  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Ronbgone
Wow! What a poignant story. While I had a hard time with the beginning, it read a bit like a laundry list...you definitely warmed up to your story and showed it well.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*First off, line breaks between paragraphs are helpful for your reader.
*Bullet*Next, try to add a bit more emotion to dressing at the start. It feels too much like a list to me. Perhaps because dressing is a part of the ritual of preparedness.
*Bullet*Paragraph 7: Typo "understnad" ~ "understand".
*Bullet*Paragraph 14: "Hearst" ~ "hearse" is the funeral vehicle.
*Bullet*Scenes at memorial and cemetary: perhaps build in more of the feelings of the people attending.
*Bullet*Last paragraph: Don't explain your feelings during edit, perhaps add the circumstances of the death in the format of a report.
*Bullet*Keep your last two sentences...a very good ending.

Overall, a great write, but I'd like to see more feeling built into it. Perhaps some of the narrator's sadness at home as he ritually dresses and how he hides the pain at attention. I liked how you showed feeling during the gun salute. Well done.

Regards,
Kim

A patriotic signature.
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