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1,548 Public Reviews Given
1,793 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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501
501
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello kristopher Author Icon
An interesting metaphor for writing, a woven web.
Of course some days, I feel quite entangled. LOL
One suggestion for edit: "continued it's design" "It" breaks the possessive rule and does not use an apostrophe.
Overall, well done.
Regards,
Kim

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502
502
Review of A Vision In White  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello LittleFox Author Icon
I really liked this poem. You have some great imagery here!
Suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Add another word to the golden hare line, it seems too short. (quick golden hare, unwary golden hare, hopping golden hare)
*Bullet*"Each hot breath expelled doth shiver," ~ Change "doth shiver" to "shivers"

*Heart*I loved these phrases!
*Bullet*"dying on the crackling air"
*Bullet*"Branches of the clotheless trees"

Overall, good work! Write On!

Regards,
Kim

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503
503
Review of Sweet little Jane  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello penypicker Author Icon

I like your sad poem of sweet little Jane.

Some specific suggestions for edit *Cut*

*Bullet*"our vocal echange" ~ "exchange"
*Bullet*"was a perect dream." ~ "perfect"
*Bullet*"Whats wrong my sweetheart?" ~ "What's"
*Bullet*"Can i comfort you?" ~ "I"
*Bullet*"my heart in distain." ~ "disdain"
*Bullet*"and angel up there" ~ "an"

Overall, interesting prose.

Regards,
Kim

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504
504
Review of Lost Diamond  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Orion Author Icon
This is an emotional short story, that I enjoyed. *Smile*
My only suggestion for edit would be to write the story in a stronger voice. Take out the passive "had". It's okay to leave it in past tense, just make it stronger.
*Cut*Example: "Away from all she had known, all the child had known." Could be: Away from all she and the child knew."
Overall, great quick fiction.
Regards,
Kim


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505
505
Review of The Tigress  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Danzin_pantz Author Icon

Welcome to Writing.com!
I hope you enjoy your membership here with our community.

Despite the fact that there is little rhythm in your prose, it is easy to read.
You portray the image of the tigress well, I could envision her from your words. Write on!

No suggestions for edit.

Regards,
Kim


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506
506
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Trivia Ither Author Icon

Welcome to Writing.com!
This was very funny!!! You have some hilarious character dialog here. Keep writing!

*Cut*Suggestion for edit:
*Bullet**garbs the towel* ~ Should be "grabs".

Overall, this is very entertaining. Write on!

Regards,
Kim


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507
507
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Derani Author Icon
Welcome to Writing.com!
A lovely poem. I love falling stars!
I like how you wove in a life lesson also.
One suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"How I wander upon..." ~ Should be "wonder".
I like your whimsical style.
Write on!
Regards,
Kim

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508
508
Review of Eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Ink Author Icon
Welcome to Writing.com!
A great horror story! It certainly creeped me out.
*Cut*Suggestions for edit:
*Bullet*Format:
I would suggest putting line breaks between paragraphs and in dialog when you change speakers. It will make the story easier to read.
*Bullet*Content:
*Right*"need words to get there points across" ~ Should be "their".
*Right*"the fish bobbing up and down" ~ You need another noun, you can't hear fish bobbing.
*Right*"snapped shut on his discover." ~ Should be "discovery".
*Right*“Fowl monster" ~ Should be "foul".

Overall, a great read. Write on!

Regards,
Kim


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509
509
Review of Thanks mom  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello tasina Author Icon

I think children realize what their parents have done for them more when they are grown up.

*Cut* Suggestions for edit: I would reformat your lines in your edit and make them more cohesive.

Overall, it's very nice to give kudos to mothers.

Regards,
Kim

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510
510
Review of Adrift  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Stonewanderer Author Icon
Welcome to Writing.com!
This is quite emotional for such short prose.
The carrot/stick is a great metaphor for love's struggle.
*Cut*The only suggestion I have for edit is to capitalize all the lines in the second stanza as you have done in the first to make it uniform.
Well done!

Regards,
Kim

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511
511
Review of the old house  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello raymond Author Icon
What a great metaphor for time.
*Cut*Suggestions for edit:
*Bullet*"it's ceaseless" & "on it's now" ~ should be "its" Possessive of "it" has no apostrophe.
*Bullet*Perhaps add line breaks where your sentences change. I had to reread several times to put the words right.
Overall, I liked the image this work invoked.
Regards,
Kim

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512
512
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello T_rideRay Author Icon
Hemp! This is definitely a fact-filled article with some valid argument for the use of hemp in fiber items.
Some gaps in the article are: Why was hemp banned? There also is no summary. Do you want legislation changed? Did you want people to buy hemp products? Is that the purpose of the link at the end?
Overall, very informative.
Regards,
Kim


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513
513
Review of The Outside In..  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Elsie Author Icon
Interesting poem about a leap of faith and putting trust in love. Well done!

*Cut*Suggestion for edit:
*Bullet* Perhaps condense the prose by breaking lines only after punctuation.

*Heart*My favorite phrase: "You know these words and timeless dreams are all disguised as me;"

Write on!

Regards,
Kim

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514
514
Review of One Resolution  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Kate - Writing & Reading Author Icon

Bravo! A very nice haiku! I like the images of kindness as a seedling. *Smile*

*Heart* I hope you entered this in a contest, it's quite good.

*Cut* No suggestions for edit or change. Great job!

Regards,
Kim

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515
515
Review of Rumor Has It...  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello kiyasama
What an amusing story! I'm sure this happens in schools (and workplaces) every day. Remember the child's game called "Whisper Down the Lane"? I thought your ending was very clever. No suggestions for edit. Good luck to you, this looks as if it is a contest entry.

Regards,
Kim

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516
516
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello livingclip13
Yes, I'd have to agree with you, pretty weird!
The eternal question that isn't answered is why?
Edit suggestions *Cut*:
*Bullet*"the dirty pear, as it fell from" ~ No comma.
*Bullet*"Unable to move he screatched and hissed." ~ Comma after move. Spell "scratched."
*Bullet*"cats middle" ~ "cat's."
*Bullet*"devouered" ~ "devoured"
*Bullet*"carcuses" ~ "carcasses"
Overall, good and gruesome! Write on!
Regards,
Kim
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517
517
Review of My Everything  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello serahikari Author Icon

A great emotional write.

*Cut*Content edit suggestions:

*Bullet*Since this is a monologue, perhaps when a question is asked, even rhetorically, it should be answered. I think it would help the flow.

*Bullet*"And with you is stability; possibility." This is fragmented. Perhaps: And being with you means stability, a possibility of strength.

*Bullet*"It’s easier to hide in a mask then face it all." "Then" should be "than."

*Bullet*"You didn’t ask the physco to kill you." I'm not sure what this sentence meant. Also, "psycho."

Phrases I *Heart*:

"I’m not brave enough to fight the system without you."
"I need you with every painful sobbing gasp and every tired movement."
"Nothing will go my way if I don’t do it myself."

Overall, I liked your work, well done!

Regards,
Kim

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518
518
Review of My Everything  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello serahikar

A great emotional write.

*Cut*Content edit suggestions:

*Bullet*Since this is a monologue, perhaps when a question is asked, even rhetorically, it should be answered. I think it would help the flow.

*Bullet*"And with you is stability; possibility." This is fragmented. Perhaps: And being with you means stability, a possibility of strength.

*Bullet*"It’s easier to hide in a mask then face it all." "Then" should be "than."

*Bullet*"You didn’t ask the physco to kill you." I'm not sure what this sentence meant. Also, "psycho."

Phrases I *Heart*:

"I’m not brave enough to fight the system without you."
"I need you with every painful sobbing gasp and every tired movement."
"Nothing will go my way if I don’t do it myself."

*Reading*Overall, I liked your work, well done!

Regards,
Kim

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519
519
Review of Ascension  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello gaeliciriquois,
Excellent tale! No suggestions for grammatical edit, one minor note: You didn't name your last chapter. *Smile* I only noticed this on the third read, I was entranced the first two times. I agree, it's ready for publication. I suggest fantasy as genre, as religion does not seem to fit. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Write On!
Regards,
Kim

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520
520
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Gavin Author Icon,

*Smile*Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you find this site to be as helpful and rewarding as I do.

*Heart*I enjoyed your story for its wonderful descriptive qualities and your imaginative similes. I have no suggestions for edit. The only question you left hanging for your reader was "Was Naima really a suicide terrorist?"

*Delight*Overall, an excellent tale with a thought-provoking twist. Well done!

*Snow1*Regards,*Snow3*
Kim

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521
521
Review of The Codicil  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Teddy,
This is a great hook! I clicked on your item because of the unusual title and found your amusing story. Are you going to write more? I imagine this expanding into a very funny story. No suggestions for editing. Well done.
Regards,
Kim

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522
522
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello P.S. Foster Author Icon

What an amusing and charming story! It's so typical of what boys will do when they're bored. LOL I really don't have a suggestion for edit. Your dialog was very funny and I loved when Jr. gave him the "shut up" look. *Laugh* Overall this was a great anecdote that I enjoyed reading. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
523
523
Review of Only a Whisper  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Cardawnia Author Icon,

This was a very beautiful prayer. *Smile* I could tell it was heartfelt. I especially liked the line: "Thank-you, Lord, for being only a breath away, a word away.

I only have one suggestion for edit:
*Bullet*"never more"
*Idea*"nevermore"

Overall, it was a beautiful prayer about His promise.

Regards,
Kim

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524
524
Review of Fairyland  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello mizzie Author Icon,
This is a sweet poem on fairies!
The rhyming almost feels like lyrics.
I like the idea of fairies fading if no one believes in them. *Smile* Just imagine how easily this could be illustrated. I enjoyed your poem.
Well done!
Regards,
Kim

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525
525
Review of My cat  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello lilwriter Author Icon
This is a sweet little poem.
I have a couple suggestions.
Perhaps your last line should say: "But if Cuddles was still living, I would say "I love you."
Also, it doesn't fit the tense of the poem.
If you keep the last line, perhaps change the rest of the poem to past tense. "My was as warm as a mitten."
Overall, it's a great start and I love kitties!
Regards,
Kim

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