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1,502 Public Reviews Given
1,747 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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551
551
Review of Step Inside  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,
An interesting prose. My favorite phrase was "words of silver dust...", very creative. My only suggestions for corrections are the second to last line: "soals" should be "souls" and the last line needs a period. Overall, I enjoyed.
Welcome to W.com and hope you enjoy our community! Don't forget to fill out your bio-block when you become familiar with the site.
Regards,
Kim

Review Bear signature
552
552
Review of That was me  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,
A sweet and loving poem. The only thing that I question is why you capitalize phrases such as Good Night, I Love You and especially Kiss. Although the change in color for I love you isn't really necessary, it makes for interesting reading. I certainly hope this lucky person returns soon! Thanks for sharing with your friends at W.com.
Regards,
Kim

Pink Tulip Signature
553
553
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello,

A well written and obviously heartfelt piece. You did a considerable job painting your picture of pain.

Some suggestions:

*Bullet*He wanted the pain to stop; even a bottle of whisky no longer dimmed the memory of his little angel.
*Idea*The word "whisky" is an acceptable spelling but you use the other version "whiskey" in the rest of the piece.

*Bullet*wasn’t fair at all that he could not hate the women standing before him like he had hated her
*Idea*"woman" instead of "women"

Overall this is a fine example of how one can change their life with forgiveness. Write On.

Regards,
Kim

Gold Fairy Sig, cattytaurus
554
554
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello,

Your Port is being Raided by Legerdemain !!!

A very poignant journal entry.

Errors & Solutions:
None as I read through.

What I liked and disliked:
I like how you portrayed the disheartened and helpless feelings of the journalist. I liked the historical backgrounding.

Overall Comments:
This was a well thought out piece put together in a perfectly concise manner. Well done.

I hope your visit to the Convention was fun and fruitful!
Regards,
Kim

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555
555
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,
Your Port is being Raided by Legerdemain !!!

Ahhh, wonderful words for a masterpiece.

Errors & Solutions:
None!

What I liked and disliked:
I loved your descriptions as we traveled through the painting. My favorite line: I smile, stumble, stepping high, unacquainted with the pitched cobblestone and leggy, narrow avenues. That's perfect! I also thought "spatters of cream on a soft indigo blanket" was an awesome description.

Overall Comments:
This is a favorite painting of mine. Thank you for allowing me to experience it through another's eyes and enjoy it once again!

I hope your visit to the Convention was fun and fruitful!
Regards,
Kim

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556
556
Review of The Ring  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,
Your Port is being Raided by Legerdemain !!!

Errors & Solutions:
I didn’t find any errors in your piece.

What I liked and disliked:
I liked:
*Bullet*Losing a ring in the ocean was akin to tossing it in a volcano or flinging it over Niagara Falls.
*Bullet*He breathed a prayer and rinsed it carefully and slipped it onto her finger, where it fit like on their wedding day and shone like something miraculous and new.
I loved the last line.

Overall, the format for the microfiction worked well. I enjoyed reading.

I hope your visit to the Convention was fun and fruitful!
Regards,
Kim

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557
557
Review of Imperfect Rose  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,
What a very sweet poem. I found no mistakes and liked your analogy to a rose. Many of my roses in my garden have imperfections and will never be "show" quality but I love and appreciate every gift from God that opens. It was unique of you to compare the rose to the entire body, not just the lips for instance. Thanks for sharing and write on.

Regards,
Kim

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558
558
Review of The Last Moment  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello,

Your Port is being Raided by Legerdemain !!!

A beautiful sentiment.

Errors & Solutions:
None as I read through. YAY!

What I liked and disliked:
I liked the softness and gentleness of the poem, it appealed to me more than moaning and wailing. There was not anything I disliked.

Overall Comments:
You did a wonderful job conveying your sadness.

I hope your visit to the Convention was fun and fruitful!

Regards,
Kim

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559
559
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello,

Your Port is being Raided by Legerdemain !!!

Oh, the wounded heart.

Errors & Solutions:
None as I read through.

What I liked and disliked:
This evoked an image of someone in Edwardian garb crying this out on stage. *shrug* Yeah, I have an odd imagination. I liked how you gave love an image, almost like a scalpel, nearly painless yet doing great damage.

Overall Comments:
I enjoyed the story your poem painted. Write on.

I hope your visit to the Convention was fun and fruitful!

Regards,
Kim

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560
560
Review of Teaching  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

Your Port is being Raided by Legerdemain !!!

I did not find any spelling errors! YAY! *Smile*

What I liked and disliked:
I liked how you mention that teachers teach life skills. Parents should thank teachers every year for that. I taught first grade religion for a while and loved children at that age, their frankness and honesty. Some of their questions made me laugh!

Overall Comments:
Many more parents should read this. Write on!

I hope your visit to the Convention was fun and fruitful!

Regards,
Kim

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561
561
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

Your Port is being Raided by Legerdemain !!!

A moving poem!

Since this is a short piece I'll go over this in a few sentences. I found no spelling errors. What I liked the most were God's words. I liked how they were in italics. We should all take those words to heart.
Write on!

I hope your visit to the Convention was fun and fruitful!

Regards,
Kim

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562
562
Review of Angel By My Side  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,
Your Port is being Raided by Legerdemain !!!

What a loyal friend you are!

Errors & Solutions:
None that I found while reading.

What I Liked or Disliked:
I found this to be a lovely tribute to your friendship. How kind of you to write a poem to your friend. I'm sure they appreciate you as much as you appreciate them.

Overall Comments:
As it's been published already, you know that it is a great piece of work. Perhaps submit it to some teen magazines. I enjoyed it.

I hope your visit to the Convention was fun and fruitful!

Regards,
Kim

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563
563
Review of Hilltops  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,
Your Port is being Raided by Legerdemain !!!
A heavenly writing!
Errors & Solutions:
None as I read through this.
What I Liked or Disliked:
I liked the idea for this prose. It has an almost dream-like quality. The line: "I ran" threw me off and forced me to reread but eventually made sense. I also nearly missed the transition from the woods to the open again.
Overall Comments:
I thoroughly enjoy your religious poetry. Too many items on this subject come off preachy or too forceful. Your work fills me with joy.
Please, Write On!
Regards,
Kim

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564
564
Review of Liberty Fest  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,
Your Port is being Raided by Legerdemain !!!
This was a wonderful holiday tribute.
Errors & Solutions:
None as I read. *Smile*
What I Liked or Disliked:
I liked your description of the parade as it unfolded. I felt like I was there, sitting next to you watching the parade. How awesome to have an exciting event such as this in your town. You did a good job covering the emotions the different parade units evoked.
Overall Comments:
I enjoyed this writing enough to give it a rare 5 and hope you continue to enjoy your parade year after year.
I hope your visit to the Convention was fun and fruitful!
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #872157 Unavailable **
565
565
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,
Your Port is being Raided by Legerdemain !!!
This was a very lovely poem. It made my heart soar.
Errors & Solutions:
*Bullet*To let our light snine bfore men
Is our task,
*Idea*"To let our light shine before men, Is our given task,
What I Liked or Disliked:
I liked the gentleness of the poem.
I disliked the shortness of the lines in paragraph 13.
Overall Comments:
This poem created a wonderful image for me of soft lights glowing all over the world.
I hope your visit to the Convention was fun and fruitful!
Regards,
Kim

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566
566
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,
Nice n grisly. Very fourteen year old gag-a-rootie. Descriptives were just skeevy enough without going to the snappity tendons level. (ack) The only thing I hit the brakes on was in the third paragraph. Should be "spilling it's guts out". The bubbling acid was very cool. Great stuff Bill, what's for dinner???
Regards,
Kim

Gold Fairy Sig, cattytaurus
567
567
Review of God's son  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,
This was very entertaining and funny. I've never thought of God and Jesus having this conversation.
Things I felt need work:
*Bullet*His son, Jesus
*Idea*no comma
*Bullet*“uh... yeh its on the table
*Idea*yeah
*Bullet*on which him and his father were residing
*Idea*which he and his
*Bullet*more than, what we now
*Idea*no comma
*Bullet*"your bloody kidding?!"
*Idea*you're
*Bullet* give a damn!!! why can't
*Idea*capitalize Why
*Bullet*"So your talking now huh?"
*Idea*"You're talking now, huh?"
*Bullet*"So, wanna give me a hand with this new planet thingy?"
*Idea*"Wanna give me a hand with this new planet thingy?"
*Bullet*"Really, you gunna let me?"
*Idea*"gonna" or "going to"
*Bullet*"yeah sure"
*Idea*"Yeah, sure."
*Bullet*God asked in a confusing tone
*Idea*confused tone
*Bullet*"They be tap shoes, thought i'd do a little jig to celebrate the finishin' of creation"
*Idea*"They are tap shoes, thought I'd do a little jig to celebrate the finishin' of Creation."
*Idea*Make sure all God, Jesus and Dad are capitalized.
Things I liked:*Reading*
*Laugh*“It’s a copy of me!... you lazy bastard!” Jesus shrieked as his whole body started to shake.
*Delight* In this instance it took jesus three and a half hours just to locate him hidden in a glass of water. (mind you, water was only recently created) Jesus picked up the glass and rolled his eyes.
*Bigsmile*"They be tap shoes, thought i'd do a little jig to celebrate the finishin' of creation"

Thanks for posting this work, I enjoyed it. Write On.
Regards,
Kim

Gold Fairy Sig, cattytaurus
568
568
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Matt and Welcome to Writing.com,

This is an amusing piece! But leaving it the way it is really detracts from the story. It would benefit you to post this back in Word and do some editing. Capitalization is important and so is grammar.
Show off your talent!

Also, when you get a little more experienced in navigating W.com, (I know it seems hard at first) there is a great tool under the drop down lists on the left hand upper part of your page. Under the third one, "Author Tools" there's a tab for "Writing ML Help". These are some nifty little gadgets to use on this particular site to make your work more readable. *Reading* It also has cool little emoticons. *Laugh* Let me know when you've tuned this piece up to knock our socks off and I'll gladly re-review. Don't hesitate to ask for help, we're all here to help one another.
Regards,
Kim

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569
569
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,
A very poignant story. A good demonstration of the discomfort of puberty. Just enough injected humor to keep it moving, well done. I would suggest some paragraph breaks to present the work in a more pleasing manner. I loved this sentence: "They should wait until then, they should leave me alone in my magic garden, and come knocking one day when I was ready to throw off the robes of childhood and welcome the woman I was to be." Excellent. Thank you for sharing with us, your readers.
Write On,
Kim

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