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1,502 Public Reviews Given
1,747 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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526
526
Review of Uncle Lion  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Bob,

Your story had me smiling, especially when Alan tried to eat the dandelion. *Smile*

Some specific edit suggestions:

*Bullet*He began t notice a faint tingling sensation
*Idea*t = "to"

*Bullet*So Lionel Mercer is finally answering the call the wild armchair.
*Idea*Missing an "of"?

*Bullet*Oh, therej would be a dozen of ‘um—
*Idea*therej = "there"

*Bullet*He took in the scene thoughtlessly, with deep breaths of fresh air
*Idea*thoughtlessly or "thoughtfully"?

Overall, an exceptional write with an interesting point of view. I enjoy your sense of humor and ability to convey feeling. Alan was a very sweet little boy character. Happy New Year and thanks for posting.
Regards,
Kim

*904625*
527
527
Review of The Raven  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,
This brings an awesome image to mind: the raven flying away with your soul. I found no errors as I read and I think you did a great job crafting your image and the lost feelings. I hope it was returned to you intact. Well done!
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #904625 Unavailable **
528
528
Review of Rachel  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,
*Smile* What a very interesting analogy and a good read. One nearly forgets as they read that you are speaking about her soul. Your descriptives are quite detailed and clear.

*Idea*A few suggestions:

*Bullet*This soulf of hers sometimes falls out
*Idea*"soul"

*Bullet*One side with knowledge, omniscient even
*Idea*To keep in theme with the next sentence, remove "with".

*Idea*To indent your paragraphs try using the ML tag {indent}. WritingMLHelp is shown under the "Author Tools" drop down list

Overall, well done! Not many 12 year olds know how to spell omniscient, let alone use it in their writing.
Write on!
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #904625 Unavailable **
529
529
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello,
First off, Welcome to Writing.com! I hope you find it to be the wonderful community that I do.
Next, the review: *Reading*
You did an excellent job describing your feelings of depression.
*Cut*Suggested editing:

*Bullet*And when the feeling besets you
*Idea*Remove "And" and just start with "When"

*Bullet*To break closer to the top
But the closer you get
*Idea*A repeated word. Perhaps change "closer" in the second line to "nearer".

*Bullet*You lift your hand off you head
*Idea*Did you mean: "You lift your hand off your head." OR "You lift the hand off your head."?

Overall, an interesting write.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #904625 Unavailable **
530
530
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello,
Your story was definitely award-worthy. I found no errors as I read except a stray ML tag after this sentence: My last sight of them as they seemed to sink beneath the waves of grass was a war bonnet of dancing eagle feathers. You're missing the end bracket. A thoroughly enjoyable story with a great emotional read. Well done.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #904625 Unavailable **
531
531
Review of The Orange  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,
This story was perfectly disturbed. Your character's focus on the orange was instrumental. Your descriptives wound very carefully around your reader and led them to your insanity. For some reason, I really enjoyed this. I found no errors as I read and I like how you flicked descriptions of outside characters like the brown-haired man in the blue shirt into the story. Meaningless, but interesting.
Overall, your snapshot of mental illness was quite solid.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #904625 Unavailable **
532
532
Review of You Don't Know  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Gina,
This is a wonderful piece. It almost feels like a crush...but with adult thoughts behind it. *Kiss*

I have no suggestions for change.

My favorite line:
*Star*I melt, then stumble back to reality.
*Smile*Haven't we all been there?

Overall, a sweet piece. I hope he notices you. *Smile*
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #904625 Unavailable **
533
533
Review of Life in Iraq II  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello again,
I find it amazing, this is yet another account of someone in Iraq speaking of this. To me, it's unimaginable how soldiers become inured to the incessant lobbing of explosives, as if it were thunder in the distance. Is it the ability to tamp down fear that well? A soldier's training must carry him far. It's something I just can't grasp. I agree with your last two sentences. All that matters is that you're all ok. Stay safe.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #904625 Unavailable **
534
534
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,
I really enjoyed your account of something quite mundane like laundry. It helps a person appreciate the conveniences we have here at home. I'm looking forward to reading more of your updates. I think the press is missing out on a good story here. *laughing* Thanks for posting.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #904625 Unavailable **
535
535
Review of No Longer A woman  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hello,
A good piece about a trying time in your life.
A few suggestions:

*Bullet*walk, stop running.
*Idea*"Walk"

*Bullet*heart heavy as led.
*Idea*"lead"

My favorite line: Empty shells
on a deserted beach.


Overall, you portrayed a wonderful feeling of hope, of renewal. Well done.

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #904625 Unavailable **
536
536
Review of The Paper Garden  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,
I really adored this piece. The picture slowly erected and detailed, quite lovely.
My favorite line: "One dance would end his torment"
Although the "Enshrouded" line was the longest, it seemed to fit there quite well.
Overall, a sad picture well painted.
Thank you for sharing.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #904625 Unavailable **
537
537
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,
What an interesting perspective. I really enjoyed the images you created. It felt so calm and comfortable.
My favorite: "Captivating music puts me in a
self hypnotic trance"
Overall, you painted a lovely scene.

Regards,

** Image ID #904625 Unavailable **
538
538
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,
What a lovely piece of work! And how very true to your Irish image. You put your reader right into your image. Very well done!
My favorite line: The dark forboding day foretold the tempest
Overall, a well written work.
Also, I'd like to welcome you to Writing.com. I hope you find it the creative and supportive community that I do!
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #895317 Unavailable **
539
539
Review of Got Milk?  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello again,
I'm told is a zen experience to be up that early with your forehead to the side of a cow, creating that unique zzzth zzzth sound in a bucket. I grew up peripherally experiencing farm life. As you've said, when you're a kid, you'll do anything to be up on a horse.

I enjoyed your writing, I have minor suggestions:
*Bullet*a sodden, fly or people
*Idea*no comma
*Bullet*sixty pounds was made a year
*Idea*was - were

Sometimes it's very amusing to experience it through someone else's eyes. I thought you might enjoy a snippet from my journal "Jaunts and Journeys" The entry is here if you wish to read "His Name is Lucky" .
I thought you might enjoy the smile.
Regards,
Kim
540
540
Review of First Time  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,
This sounds like such an inspiring experience. To be surrounded by such natural beauty. Your descriptives worked well, I felt as if I were there. Wish I was. I admire your ability to fly fish. Not everyone can take a "bit of fur and feather" on a hook and get it to land where they wish. *laughing* Overall, I enjoyed your article. Write On.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #895317 Unavailable **
541
541
Review of Favorite Quotes  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,
A lovely collection of quotes. Some of these I have never seen, so I enjoyed them immensely.
My favorite: A man needs a much bigger orbit than a woman. He needs a mission, a life purpose, and he needs to know his name. Only then is he fit for a woman, for only then does he have something to invite her into.
-John Eldredge
Overall, a succinct collection. Well done.

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #808063 Unavailable **
542
542
Review of The Memory Of Her  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,
I really didn't see much wrong with this piece. How sweet of you to share this with the world. It's refreshing to see a tender moment filling someone's memory. And a shame to see a beautiful soul lost to the world. Overall, a lovely piece.

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #808063 Unavailable **
543
543
Review of Eve  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,
A great story line! I found no errors as I read. I hope this isn't the end. I'd love to know more. What happened to her family? Did the policeman live? Did she get help? You did an awesome job describing the surroundings and Eve's feelings. Write on!

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #895317 Unavailable **
544
544
Review of Eyes Closed  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Goooooood Eeeevening!

Your favorite vampire has returned to your port to do somePUMPKIN PORTING!

What an absolutely chilling writing. MMMMMM, very bloody. How wonderfully delicious...hehehehe.

I found no spelling errors in your piece. I think it would present better if you spaced a line before and after your important statements, such as:
"to open one eye a little, wincing when the slice of light bit through my lashes.

I was home.

I was in my kitchen, which was filled with daylight; bright and airy. Yet something was"

*Reading*Overall, an interesting piece to sip upon, would like to see a larger piece to dine upon. Muahahaha!

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #808063 Unavailable **
545
545
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello,
Excellent story! Your timing was perfect and you did an awesome job of revealing the ending. Who would have guessed? Certainly not the birthday one would expect! I found no errors as I read and thoroughly enjoyed this. Overall, great plot and good writing.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #885937 Unavailable **
546
546
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello,
What a pretty poem! And so very true, to feel wonderful to have created and expressed something of our own. The only error I found as I read: "channelled" should be "channeled". Overall, a lovely work, I enjoyed.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #808063 Unavailable **
547
547
Review of Saxophones and Me  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,
This is a great story! You did an excellent job covering a timeline and interjecting your feelings and excitement. Your storyline traveled a perfect circle with an sweet ending. I found no errors as I read. Good job, write on.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #885937 Unavailable **
548
548
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello,
And the moral of the story is.... I love works like this! It makes a person sit down and think about how they're spending their life. If only one shallow minded person would read this and change, if only. I found no errors as I read through and was intrigued with each line. An excellent work to have published. Thank you for posting. Well done!
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #845799 Unavailable **
549
549
Review of Celtic Curses  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,
A light-humored warning! *smiling* It amused me. I found no errors as I read. I was curious as to why you capitalize during your sentences. I don't feel it adds to your structure. Overall, I smiled and enjoyed your prose. Write on.
Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #845799 Unavailable **
550
550
Review of The River Of Life  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,
This was a very thought provoking piece. You painted an excellent picture for your reader, every line an image for me see.
My favorites: turning into raging white water, bubbling and churning and calm of the eddies, the exhilaration of the rapids, the peril of the waterfalls, and the peace of the delta.
I found no errors as I read and feel no changes need to be made.
Thanks for the intriguing images you created for your reader. Write on.

Regards,
Kim

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