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1,547 Public Reviews Given
1,792 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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Review of Maizie  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Milhaud - Tab B Author Icon

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

I enjoyed reading your story, it was amusing in a slightly creepy way.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Sometimes all the brand name-dropping distracted from the story.
*Bullet*They carried her out the side, first floor exit and hoisted her into the alley dumpster
*Bullet*I'd like to see some indication in the last part of the story, that Maizie was the "floor model".
*Bullet*As far as the technician character, I wondered why you had Ted introduce him first. Would it have been more clever to have David more fussy and Ted be on the scene to soothe?

As always, a review is opinion to take or throw out as you choose.

Overall, a charming story.

Regards,
Kim
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327
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello SPACE COBWEBS @ 18! Author Icon

I'm today's judge for your entry in "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window. Thanks for entering!

Your poem envoked an image of dancing skeletons and swooping ghosts. I envisioned your Saints causing laughter and then fear as they danced and hopped closer and closer. Nice work.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Corpses collapsin' ~ woo, what a tongue twister!

Overall, a delightful write.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1033559 Unavailable **

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328
Review of Dark Lullaby  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Harvey Author Icon
Welcome to Writing.com!

Hey, I really liked this little piece. Humming a lullaby-like song with the words made it special. You can feel the narrator's sadness behind the words. Well done.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The major suggestion is format. I think this would present better if each sentence had its own line and perhaps center it in the page with a {center} tag. A good presentation brings in more readers and reviewers.

Overall, a good read.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1606817 Unavailable **

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329
Review of Horizon of Silver  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello Bear Trap Author Icon

Welcome to Writing.com! I enjoyed your story and offer these comments in the spirit of review, to be taken or discarded as you wish.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*As a general improvement to the format of the story, you should insert line breaks between paragraphs and when you switch speakers in dialog. Much easier to read.
*Bullet*Another suggestion would be to tighten up your group of workers. If the guys are going to haze Scott, then I'd like to see actions those groups would take - nudging one another, laughing with each other, etc.
*Bullet*Showing some panic in Scott when he realizes he's stuck in the hole would add to the fear.
*Bullet*The end would be more satisfying if all the men were there when Scott emerges from the hole, slapping his back or shaking his hand, not just a distant laughter.
*Bullet*Your ending paragraph is vague. Did you want the story to be about fitting in? Or conquering a fear?

Overall, your characters were interesting but the point of the story became vague. Tighten this up and it will be an amusing write!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1606817 Unavailable **

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330
Review of Untouchable  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Shayguin Author Icon

Although the brief description seems misleading, I liked your story. It seemed full of symbolism and oxymoron.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Just some format issues with spacing in the story, an easy edit.
*Bullet*"Chick-in-Coat" seemed off base. You make the girl pristin in character and then give her a cartoonish name.

Overall, an interesting read. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284499 Unavailable **

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331
Review of The Verdict  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello indrajit_majum

I found your story posted on the Plug Page and decided to visit. Your story was detail rich and I felt quite sorrowful when the final verdict came in.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*This sentence: "He was wearing a lungi, the traditional dress of males in Kerala." was a 'tell'. You could impart the information to your reader while Abdul rolled the hem.

Overall, a good narration of fishing tradition.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284499 Unavailable **

332
332
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Nani - Blessed Indeed Author Icon

What a pretty poem about the sea! I think a lot of people feel like the narrator of this poem, that the sea rejuevenates them and soothes their soul. I do and oh, it is so sad to leave.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The only thing that jumped out was this line "While the sea gulls now whispered my name". I've never heard a quiet seagull. LOL They are noisy and raucous, loud and strident to be heard over the surf. Perhaps change "whispered" to "called" or "cawed".

Overall, an enjoyable write envoking nice memories for me.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284499 Unavailable **

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Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello TiffyAnn12 Author Icon
I picked out your story because the description intrigued me. This was quite an interesting sci-fi story. I liked the point of view you chose, the underling men.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*It would be interesting to "know" what the boys did until their first D-Day.
*Bullet*It wasn't clear why you chose to call it "Donation-Day" since the men chose their professions then.

Overall, a great chapter.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284499 Unavailable **

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334
Review of The Bracelet  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello rjsimonson Author Icon

What a charming contest story! (LOL, pun intended.) I found your item on the Reading page so I'm not sure if you place in the contest but the story was enjoyable.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*“Lee, do you like bracelets? I have one here I think you should look at, I think it would look great on you. It practically calls your name; just give me a minute to find it.” ~ Suggest removing the second "think", go with "It would look great on you."
*Bullet*"He was pleased with my progress, and wanted to see me back in another Month to see if I had continued my progress." ~ No need to capitalize "Month".
*Bullet*“I really don’t know. Nor do I care if you’re ok.” ~ Suggest a comma after "care".

Overall, an adorable story.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284499 Unavailable **

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Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Tina Crain Author Icon

What a sweet rhyme to bring attention to your subject of autism.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 7 doesn't seem to need a comma after sure.
*Bullet*Line 11 "I" should be "It".
*Bullet*Line 14 "Thak" should be "Thank".

Overall, a few simple edits and your work is done. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1558342 Unavailable **
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336
Review of Living With Mom  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Lexi Butterfly ~♥ Author Icon

Welcome to the site! I liked your amusing poem about a parent and son's point of view. I chuckled when reading it.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Your brief description below the title: "but" should be "butt" if you meant his backside. *Wink*
*Bullet*Second couplet: "hobbie" should be "hobby"
*Bullet*Fourth pair: "apartment" should be "apartment"
*Bullet*Sixth group: "collage" should be "college"
*Bullet*Eighth couplet: "mucsules" should be "muscles"
*Bullet*It's very helpful to do a spell check on your item, it's on the black bar below the title /Spell/.

Overall, adorable write. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1549526 Unavailable **
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Review of Frontispiece  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello MelanieD Author Icon

What an amusing write! I liked the format of the poem, it felt right for the subject.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Vibrissa" would only be one hair, wouldn't it be "vibrissae" for more?
*Bullet*I'm not sure "mustacchio" is spelled correctly.

Overall, a delightful read.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1549526 Unavailable **
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338
Review of Tempest  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Ken
I like how your work often contains a smile. It makes a reader want to go on and read another, and another. *Smile* This poem was a good example of onomatopoeia. The toilet part, true and amusing. Have you been in a tornado?

No suggestions for edit *Cut*.

Overall, good work fitting in the required words and making it rhyme. Not always an easy feat...lol.
Write on!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1531037 Unavailable **
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339
Review of JOHNNY  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello RICH Author Icon

This is delightfully amusing and I'd love to read more about your precocious Johnny.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Some technical clean up, spacing issues throughout.
*Bullet*The canary part was very funny! *Laugh*
*Bullet*The candles part, would the students call the teacher "Teach"? Hard to say.

Overall, precious and funny.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1531037 Unavailable **
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340
Review of nobody's baby  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Wink Author Icon

A fanciful description of the fun before a shotgun wedding. In very few words you painted a lifetime picture. I liked the phrase "Ferris wheel kiss".

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*First line, caps in bABY.
*Bullet*Last line, the rest of the poem is double spaced so the single spacing feels off.

Overall, you painted an interesting picture.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1054713 Unavailable **
341
341
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon
And adorable poem! Who know budgies could be the masters of horror?

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"death by paper cut" ~ Threw me off, I wasn't sure how it related to the birds.
*Bullet*Last line, somehow ending the line in horror would seem to work better with the previous line. Just my opinion.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this bird poem, thanks for posting

Regards,
Kim
Happy Holidays!
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Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello daver Author Icon

Ohhhh...what a chiller! I especially enjoyed the pace of this story. Slow and calm, setting up the scene, then fast in the ending action. Well done!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*P6 - "heheard" ~ simple edit, space needed
*Bullet*I was a bit confused about the basement setup. If the intruder broke in near the washer, would he have to open the door to Rick's basement bedroom? Would an intruder normally close the door behind him? The door appears to be closed with the intruder and Rick inside, when the mother comes down a few stairs. I understand Rick's not being able to attack the intruder, being dead.
*Heart*Good angel image, and loved the little twist at the end.

Overall, fabulous story, only needs a tiny edit.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1127711 Unavailable **
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Review of Storm Beach  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Paul Author Icon

Welcome to Writing.com!

I really enjoyed your portrayal of a windswept beach. I opened your item because the beach is my favorite place, even a day like you described. My favorite image was "people lean, into the wind and out of the rain". Just loved how that sounded. I don't know if you used a specific form, but I liked the style.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, beautiful work. I loved the last sentences.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284498 Unavailable **
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344
Review of SALEM  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Onyx: a PURPLE MANIAC! Author Icon

I enjoyed your poem, it created strong imagery in my mind. I thought your descriptive words were fitting and flowed well. All of the following suggestions are that, mere suggestions that I feel would make the work stronger.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Stanza 2: "blazing ~ blazed" / "the faces all etched"
*Bullet*Stanza 4: "the bodies of the accused
*Bullet*Stanza 5: Teetering, tumbling ~ teetered, tumbled.
*Bullet*Stanza 7: "the beast with two backs" ~ A reader may not know what this is.
*Bullet*Stanza 8: "she cried back at them"
*Bullet*Stanza 9: Lengthen last two lines, ie: for this beautiful girl / with flowing red hair
*Bullet*Stanza 12: no thing - nothing
*Bullet*Stanza 13: Attach last line to previous line.
*Bullet*Stanza 15: Take out second they in line 5.
*Bullet*Stanza 16: "to pass another wretched lie!"
*Bullet*Stanza 17: Line 1 - take out "the Reverend" Line 3 - end with period. Line 4 - Take out "and".
*Bullet*Last stanza: Suggest - It was of that night / The wind whispers in the leaves. The night a poor / beautiful girl.

Overall, a great write with wonderful imagery.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1346449 Unavailable **
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Review of Winter  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Ritu Author Icon

A poem with some pretty imagery. I like the phrase "dew drops shines like a pearl".

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 3 is a bit of a contradiction "innocent - naughtylike". Perhaps describe the tickling more, since you use naughty in the next line.
*Bullet*As said in comment above, "naughty" is redundant.
*Bullet*Line 5 ~ Again, an unnecessary repeat of "face", the second could be removed.
*Bullet*You don't have a rating on your poem. The rating could be [E]. Not having a rating on your item means it won't be listed on the public pages. The more listing your item has, the more reviewers will see it.

Overall, a sweet write.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #842310 Unavailable **
346
346
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Navneet Author Icon

Your satire on Wall Street was very amusing. A shame though, that it has to be true. Perhaps your next write can be about Cox and the SEC. Or about short sellers driving a company down to $1 a share. *Smile*

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 5 ~ Stunned should not have a capital letter.

Overall, a good write. One has to laugh or one will cry.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #856675 Unavailable **
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Review of GROW  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Onyx: a PURPLE MANIAC! Author Icon

This poem is a true gem. I was surprised, it started out as a classic form describing the magic of Spring but turned and became something much deeper. I really enjoyed reading this and can appreciate its depth and imagery. It gives one hope. I'd love to read more like this in your port.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, beautiful work. Kudos.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1280312 Unavailable **
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Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi silverfeathers Author IconMail Icon

Very cool image! I especially like the highlight (or reverse shadow) on the shapes. The butterfly looked as though it was hard to color with the blended color in it. I can appreciate the small details like the thorns on the stem and the blue butterfly. The only criticism I have is for the second and third line of text, it doesn't stand out as strongly as the foreground images. One would assume you wanted the text to be of most importance since it is a cover image for a story.

Overall, beautiful work.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1095534 Unavailable **
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Review of Behind sad eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Ducttape Knight Author Icon

An excellent rendition of a vampire's making. The special twist was your image of "sad eyes", which was very clever. I enjoyed the read. Perhaps you'll write more of Aurora's story, you've created an interesting character.

A suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Paragraph 10/12 - Some of your text is in italics which is not dialog.

Overall, a lovely short. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1070226 Unavailable **
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Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Ben,
I left my corrections on the edit points. I did enjoy the story but it left me wanting more. I guess that's good!
Maybe add more bits of childhood memories? So there it is, take my edit suggestions and do what you want with them.
Keep writing!
Leger~

** Image ID #1070226 Unavailable **
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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/legerdemain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/14