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1,502 Public Reviews Given
1,747 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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Review of Cyber Love  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Qyra T Winkler

Welcome to Writing.com
Interesting prose about feelings of love on the internet, I expected as much from the title and description.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Tense seems to change in the third stanza.
*Bullet*Capitalization is inconsistent.
*Bullet*"you will always be.." ~ "..." elipses.

Overall, Valiant work that could benefit from editing.

Regards,
Kim
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327
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Obleo

An interesting poem. I think anyone who has been alone in nature thinks about the majesty of it. Rarely though, have I ever been in nature when it was completely silent. The sugggestions below are mostly to strenthen the poem. Merely opinion.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*L1: exist where one’s most private thoughts are found
*Bullet*L8: stand in silence, humbled by all the beauty that you see
*Bullet*L9: walk the paths where only ancient ones have trod

Overall, lovely work. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
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328
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Jess

I liked your story. The housewife with aspirations of doing something bigger and better. You did a good job of describing the frumpy housewife.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"but despite he his best efforts, most of it went down his front"
*Bullet*Format ~ Line break between paragraphs.

Overall, a good story. Will there be a sequel?

Regards,
Kim
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329
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Kayla...x

Welcome to Writing.com!

This is an amusing story! I was hoping Salty would escape, lol. Did you get the idea for this story from eating crisps?

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*5 should be spelled out. Five.
*Bullet*What was the peg? A nail in the floor?
*Bullet*Scruffy didn't eat the crisp? Just crumbled it?

Overall, a funny story. I liked it.

Regards,
Kim
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330
330
Review of box of hope  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello the dreamer

Welcome to Writing.com.

I like your small poem. It says so much. I like to think we all have a bit of hope in our hearts.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*It seems odd to refer to the state of perfection as "one". It could be taken out.
*Bullet*The last three lines could be: is my fantasies, / always kept in my / box of hope. Or something similar.

Regards,
Kim
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331
Review of Little reaper  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Nira

What a great idea for a story! I've never thought of new generations of reapers. I liked the girl character. You made her so sweet and innocent.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*There are some spelling and grammar errors.
*Bullet*Some proper words like "United States" should be capitalized.
*Bullet*"They would never know how hard the reaper’s tried" ~ "Reaper"

Overall, a great story for a young Reaper. Well done.

Regards,
Kim
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332
Review of Letter From God  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Christopher Clayton Depew

A fascinating letter. It felt as though behind it all, it was your apology to God. I disagree with your statement that your version is probably kinder than God's, remember...there is always forgiveness. I liked the quote in the letter, I wrote it on a post-it. Thank you.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Format ~ a line break between paragraphs makes it easier to read on a monitor.
*Bullet*"whatever that is suppose to mean" ~ "whatever that means"
*Bullet*"Please don’t loose me, I will never loose you." ~ Should be "lose".

Overall, a touching letter. Welcome to Writing.com and Write on!

Regards,
Kim
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333
Review of The Library  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello snowelia lev
Welcome to Writing.com. I ran across your adorable poem and decided to review. I love libraries! Even when they were stuffy and quiet when I was a child, I thought it was the greatest place. Now they've changed and become a place to meet, work and learn. Much more social, I think. I did like the poem, it showed a typical library.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"What is the place coming too," ~ to
*Bullet*"Alone sits Mrs. bookshelf," ~ If you meant this to represent the librarian, perhaps capitalize "bookshelf".
*Bullet*The last line seems ungainly. Maybe ~ Will Mrs. Bookshelf think it all right.

Overall, a cute poem about a favorite place.

Regards,
Kim
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334
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello C.L. Charles

I liked your essay on Virtual Assitants.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:

It prompted me to think further. Would the assistant be an outsourced asset? Would you provide benefits to the assistant? Is this along the lines of a telecommuting part-time assistant? How much access would a business owner give such an assistant?

Perhaps more could be answered in the essay.

Overall, an interesting idea. Write on.

Regards,
Kim
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Review of Sanctuary  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Aerin Cathal

A fascinating comparison. Your brief description got me to click on your item out of curiosity, to see how you would write it. Gritty is a good description.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The format is a little confusing. I suggest sticking with single lines or gathering themes.
*Bullet*"ever-faitful" ~ faithful
*Bullet*"impertenance" ~ impertinence
*Bullet*"A world were mutilated" ~ where
*Bullet*"It's a job resented ad repulsive to society" ~ It's a job resented and repulsive to society.

*Heart*Loved the last line.

Overall, a good comparison.

Regards,
Kim
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336
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello traces of my lipstick
I liked this story. It seems to match your username. Traces of hair, and you.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The story seemed flat with no purpose. Was it just to describe your dream or define your relationship with the man?
*Bullet*"Cuz I was" ~ Because.
*Bullet*I liked the "pink elephant" analogy, keep it.

Overall, interesting story but needs more drive.

Regards,
Kim
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Review of The Walls  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello russo

Welcome to Writing.com. I hope you're enjoying our community.

This is an absolutely stunning poem. Every word chosen feels accurate and right. The idea is amazing and the technical erection of the poem supports your idea well. I'm very much in awe.

No suggestions for edit! *Cut*:

Overall, I'm very glad you posted this. Thank you for sharing.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284499 Unavailable **
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338
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello RedHorror

Definitely a story with a twist ending. I had no idea this would lead to a murder. Using a Hello Kitty was amusing, they are cute dolls.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"why his boss stopped the all work being done to brag" ~ suggest: "stopped work to brag"
*Bullet*It seemed a waste to put Sebastian's description in a huge chunk of paragraph. Many pieces of that description could have been worked into the story.
*Bullet*I was surprised you killed Brians in the driveway. I'd envision him slumped in a pile of Hello Kitties. heh.

Overall, a surprising murder.

Regards,
Kim
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Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello CelloGirl1987

This is such a cute story! And I love kittens, that's why I picked your story to review. You have a good story idea here, but a few things need some work to make it a really great story.

My favorite was mewing class...*Bigsmile*

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Try not to tell your readers what is happening in the story, show them.
*Bullet*To make it easier for readers on the site, put a line break between paragraphs and when you change speakers. This makes it easier to read instead of a big block of text.

Overall, with some editing, this could be a fun children's book.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284498 Unavailable **
340
340
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Justfaeza

Ironic, isn't it? One always wishes for a better situation but it is what it is. I like how you listed the "situation" stanzas. An interesting format.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 12 ~ "I'd".
*Bullet*Last line, "don't go in" seems off, maybe "don't walk in"?

Overall, I liked the format and was charmed by the simple thought.

Regards,
Kim
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341
Review of Dust and Flight  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Summer... who's she again?

A fun story! How I would love to snoop around Aunt Stephanies attic more! Will this be a series? It could be a charming chapter in a children's book.
I liked how you made the spell things dusty, spidery and kind of spooky.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*A line break when you change speakers. Easier to read.

Overall, witchy and interesting.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284498 Unavailable **
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342
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Writing D

What a charming poem! A well-crafted summation of a young summer. I'll bet this stirs memories in many readers, it did in my mind. Very nice images and emotions in your words, no fluffy stuff.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, I like the work as is. Everyone who reads it will say awwwww.
Welcome to the site and keep writing! Good work!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1284498 Unavailable **
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343
Review of Lex 1  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Theodore M. Harper

I have to say, I was blown away by your first paragraph. You have fantastic style, I really wanted to continue reading the story beyond this intro. The last line was superlative. I'm hoping there's more story to tell.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*stomache ~ "stomach"

Overall, a very encouraging start. Let me know when you have more posted.

Regards,
Kim
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344
Review of Winters Glow  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello PAPA CASON

What a beautiful poem. It makes me think of those quiet, serene winter snows. Before we have to go shovel, of course. LOL

*Heart*My favorite phrase: "White dancers on the wind". Lovely.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The last two stanzas start in "like", perhaps the second could start as "In" instead.

Overall, your poem made winter a bit more bearable. Thanks.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1199034 Unavailable **
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345
Review of Going Home  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Hello carebear306
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 Going Home  (13+)
Brian finds himself on the road home with his memories and a surprise.
#1355068 by carebear306


What a sad story! I didn't see the twist coming, good work. I really thought the man would reach his mother. I liked your description of the mother, nice and soft.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The paragraph that explained the crash felt jerky and rushed. Some polishing would help.

Overall, good work. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
346
346
Review of The Bet  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello buddhaamc
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 The Bet  (E)
Is there ever such thing as a sure bet?
#1354682 by buddhaamc


A truly evil story...good work. The dialog lagged for me though, it didn't seem to flow well. It felt as though the two weren't having a conversation, but stating words with their own agenda.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*uncle only 2 years before ~ two
*Bullet*Night shirt ~ nightshirt
*Bullet*The story needs some grammar and format edit. It helps to have line breaks when you change speakers in dialog.

Overall, a unique plot idea. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
347
347
Review of Winterpass  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello C. Anthony
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 Winterpass  (E)
Short story contest
#1354606 by C. Anthony


An excellent entry. I was surprised. I kept thinking, no other survivors? No carnage? I liked how the enlightenment was gradual, until your last paragraph. Well done.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*wrist watch ~ one word, wristwatch


Overall, very good work. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
348
348
Review of Today, Tomorrow  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello LilyMom
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 Today, Tomorrow  (13+)
Based on a photo, a man begins again
#1352299 by LilyMom


The beginning of the story reminded me of the start of the Twilight Zone...that disembodied voice speaking to the audience.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"How with tomato sauce and mashed ~ hot
*Bullet*It's now made here thoughm Mel can cook a meal ~ not, though
*Bullet*The story seemed to ramble a bit as Robert got into town.

Overall, I hope you continue your story, it seemed like a fairly good start. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
349
349
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello John T NightOwl
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 We Always Have Today  (E)
A collections of submissions written for various writing contest
#1352332 by John T NightOwl


What a sad ending to a happy reunion!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*soft emerald hills against the clear azure skies all puffy with cotton candy clouds ~ This feels a bit purple-prosey.
*Bullet* I was more so thinking of me, me and him playing catch with ~ Suggest: I was thinking of me. Thinking of he and I playing catch...
*Bullet*There was a definite tone of surprise in her voice. Don't tell this, show it.
*Bullet*Perhaps you should repost this as a static, not a folder.

Overall, good work, it made me want to read more. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
350
350
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello BillPiper
I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!
 Traveling Inspirations  (E)
Grandparents meet through a traveling stranger. Nice Story
#1351535 by BillPiper


A story of serendipity! Who was that man with the suitcase?

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*afternoon light reflected off the tray and into my eyes, which required me to adjust my chair slightly. ~ I shifted to avoid the afternoon sun reflecting off the tray. Simplify.
*Bullet*He removed his small brown suitcase and shook my hand. ~ From? To?

Overall, I liked the clever twists in the story and your point of view. Keep writing!

Regards,
Kim
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