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1,548 Public Reviews Given
1,793 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello David Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

What an ironic twist to the prompt, using a common wish many people make. I liked it! I liked your character Charlie and his fateful view on karma. I could see a story like this being published in a magazine.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Even written in this point of view, I would like to have known the Dad's name.

Overall: A toucning story.

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277
277
Review of Things We Make  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello romance_junkie Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

I loved your portrayal of the pitiful cake and the whimsical little nine year old girl. The description of the father was great, just how a man in mourning and just managing would be.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Some punctuation in your dialog.


Overall: An interesting read.

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278
278
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Jeff Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

I loved the self-deprecating comedic tone of this story. Haven't we all felt that way at times? The rhythm of your writing and your voice in the story was a delight to read. I liked your whole karma theory.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*

Overall: An enjoyable read, and I hope your next birthday wish comes true. You never know!

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279
279
Review of Earl's Fate  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Dude Author Icon

This was a fun idea for a beginning of a story. I'm assuming this is a first chapter of something larger. It's always fun to daydream about what one would do with lottery winnings. Your details about checking the river made the character seem authentic. I would have liked to see the fishing tied in with the lottery ticket. Like catching the big one compared to the lottery.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line breaks between paragraphs make for much easier reading.
*Bullet*"he noticed that it was in deed a lottery" ~ "indeed"
*Bullet*Would it be that no one "claimed" their win in the lottery or that no one won? If the ticket Earl found was a winner, the lottery would have said one winner, not yet claimed.

Overall, an interesting outline.

Regards,
Kim
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280
280
Review of Selkie  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Starlit Stranger Author Icon

Welcome to Writing.com! You joined just in time to help our community celebrate 10 years!

Your item caught my eye because I'm writing a selkie story.

I liked your characters and how they portrayed a new couple with the uncomfortable moments that go with them. I love how lightning looks over the ocean.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Expand the story and add some back history and character description.

Overall, a good story.

Regards,
Kim
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281
281
Review of Leaving The Woods  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Knismo Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Your story was interesting with a very unexpected turn. Perhaps during edit you could add some clues as to why the affair happens and why she would leave because of a note.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*"he's fathered on different women" - Suggest taking out "on" and using "with".
*Bullet*"past two from the closest paved road" ~ I don't understand what "past" means in this sentence.
*Bullet*"the scary note on the doormat" ~ Not sure why it would be scary. Even if your character was alone.

Overall: Good character formation.

Writer's Cramp!
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282
Review of Something missing  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Robert Kaine Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

A heartwarming story about finding someone lost. Some of your story was told, rather than shown. I liked the characters but felt a little bogged with backstory. I know it's hard to fit it all in with a word count limit. Perhaps expand this later. Keep Gertrude, she's adorable!

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Perhaps link her pictures with Jim's by showing the reader the handwriting on her picture.

Overall: I liked reading the story.

Writer's Cramp!
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283
Review of Just a Quick Peek  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Organized Chaos Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

How true about our attention spans in the technilogical era. I thought your story was charming in the way you brought in the book, like it was some mysterious contraband. Your introduction of your character was clever.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Just looking. Just peaking." ~ "peeking"

Overall: I liked the secretiveness of the character. Well done.

Writer's Cramp!
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284
Review of Weekender  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Alan Davies Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

I liked the ending to your poem, dogs really are man's best friend. The third stanza made me laugh. The rhyme was a litte choppy. The color changes added some zip.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 2 & 3 both started with I'll, a little disconcerting.
*Bullet*Perhaps expand some of your very short lines.

Overall: An intersting peek into your character's life.

Writer's Cramp!
285
285
Review of Epitaph (Edited)  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Raoc Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

What an ironic story! I loved your character but what was his name? Your scene description felt authentic and I could see what the man was doing in my mind.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Name the character, even if he doesn't want anything named after him. LOL
*Bullet*Twice in the story I wondered if the emergency breathing apparatus the character called irrelevant would have helped his situation. Perhaps just take it out?

Overall: Impressive work.

Writer's Cramp!
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286
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Lupin Little Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

I liked the ending to this story. While it was part of the prompt, you worked it in well and fashioned it as a good last line of the story.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*"To quick, it all got worse to quick, he felt.." ~ "too"
*Bullet*"Maybe it was because it was a choice"
*Bullet*"As john got to a conclusion..." ~ "John"
*Bullet*"he felt hopeful even more" ~ "even more hopeful"


Overall: Good work!

Writer's Cramp!
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287
Review of The Vacation  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Winchester Jones Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

This was a funny write! From a broken down bus to a helicopter ride with a criminal, definitely not what I would call a vacation. LOL I liked the dialog and his responses to her comments.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*The man spoke in long ranbling sentences and was looking at Rose as he went on and on. ~ This is the only part that threw me off. I can't imagine he'd be doing more than just glancing at her if he was trying to naviagate a damaged Huey.

Overall: A comical story.

Writer's Cramp!
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288
Review of The Sleepwalker  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello An apple a day.... Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Funny poetry! I've heard of people eating and walking in their sleep, scary stuff!

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*The first stanzas felt as though they had some rhythm to them but it seemed to slip away later in the poem.
*Bullet**Paragraph*6 ~ The last line seems overly long.

Overall: An amusing read.

Writer's Cramp!
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289
Review of Gym Split  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Than Pence Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

A comedic embarrassing moment! And it was a bad day for the narrator to go commando. LOL

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*The third section had a rhyme issue with go/door.

Overall: A funny oopsie!

Writer's Cramp!
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Review of putrid kisses  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello christo Author Icon

I liked your work, it didn't seem as gory as I thought it would be when I read the intro on the Plug Page.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 1 ~ Suggest "dancers" instead of "dances".
*Bullet*Line 5 ~ Suggest " selfishness" instead of "selfness".
*Bullet*Line 6 ~ Suggest "ourselves" instead of "or selves".

Overall, you created interesting and thought-provoking images.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1540498 Unavailable **

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Review of A Field in Winter  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello TWRussell Author Icon

Funny how snow makes a stark contrast for nature and one notices more even while driving down the highway. This reminded me of a time I saw a line of turkeys crossing a snow covered field.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, beautifully written.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1540498 Unavailable **

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Review of Lilith  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello bob county Author Icon

A charming story, even given the fact that Winkin, Blinkin and Nod are not using their usual mode of transportation in the form of a wooden shoe.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Some formatting issues, you should start a new line when you change speakers in dialog. The left margin should be justified.
*Bullet**Paragraph*1 ~ Typos: sniched/snitched potatoe/potato
*Bullet**Paragraph*3 ~ Typos: guess/guest clam/calm
*Bullet**Paragraph*8 Typo: your/you're
*Bullet**Paragraph*14 Remove "+".

Overall, a cute story twist.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1540498 Unavailable **

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Review of A Woman Scorned  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello C. Carlos Camacho Author Icon

A spooky good story. I liked your scene descriptions and the cat transformation was delightfully creepy.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I'm not sure the shouting caps are necessary to the story.
*Bullet*The last part of your story could just as easily be the beginning of the story. I'd prefer it at the beginning.

Overall, a great spooky tale.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1540498 Unavailable **

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Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello dollzell Author Icon

I liked the final line, isn't it true - many people leave footprints in our hearts.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Line 1, space between friendship and comma should be moved to the other side of the comma.
*Bullet*Line 3, 4 ~ space needed after commas.
*Bullet*Many of your lines have "but", perhaps reword.

Overall, a sweet and sad read. Write on!

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1540498 Unavailable **

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Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Bwitchd3 Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

A good story using the prompt. I liked Kevin and James as characters. Good rising action!

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*The change in point of view when Cindy slides down the wall is unnecessary - stick with James.
*Bullet*I liked the backstory, but it felt a little jumbled.
*Bullet*Line breaks between paragraphs is helpful for online readers.
*Bullet*Tripped on a chicken...in the woods?

Overall: A good story idea.

Writer's Cramp!
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Review of Life From Death  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello TheGary Author Icon

Your story had an other-world feel to it. The scenes are well crafted, dialog interesting and rising tension well-described. I understand this is a submission for a contest with a word count limit but after, you may want to add to your story to answer the questions: Why did Jasarra bury her family under the tree? Why did her suicide attempt rejuevenate the landscape? And especially, why was there a time lapse at the end? (the scar reference)

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"It probably would not matter, anyways" ~ take out probably or anyways. You could add anyways to the next sentence.
*Bullet*"prolongued thought" ~ no "u"
*Bullet*"He emptied the bucket of water they had taken along" ~ one wonders why it was taken along.
*Bullet*"pouch of gas wood" ~ clarify this - is it tinder that catches? a piece of deadwood? what is the gas?

Overall, a good read.

Regards,
Kim
** Image ID #1540498 Unavailable **

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Review of Endless Night  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello hiryuu Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

A cute poem about a sleepover. Funny how sleepovers never include sleep...*Laugh* You depicted it very well.

Suggestions for edit: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Suggest taking out the ellipses, not really necessary.
*Bullet*Kinship should be capitalized. (Mom, Dad)
*Bullet*"but hey make you feel like a chicken herder" ~ "hey" could be removed. And who is "you"?

Overall: A cute poem.

Writer's Cramp!
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298
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Than Pence Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

I laughed so hard at this poem. There is always comedy to be found in body smells and sounds. I did appreciate the little lesson about people being hateful.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*Last line, perhaps: I claimed someone's gas to stop friends from being hateful.

Overall: An amusing read, I hope the movie was worth it. LOL!

Writer's Cramp!
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Review of Lights Out  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello ~ JubeCube ~ Author Icon

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Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

I love how you wrapped this story with the prompt line by adding it again at the end. Very clever. The rising action in the story was a delight to read. Well done.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*To me, the smell of rotting bread would just be moldy...not something horrific and gagging. Perhaps something else should rot. *Wink*
*Bullet*Show your reader the whispering coming from the beak.
*Bullet*Just a note, you could have made the mushroom-thing's hand more frightening.

Overall: A wonderful read.

Writer's Cramp!
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Review of Polliwog Blues  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Tranquil Reaper Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!

Comments:
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the pond, isn't it? LOL, your poem was a delight to read, I loved the ending.

Suggestions: *Cut*:
*Bullet*"We most hate letting the snakes and snails have the fun." ~ Would edit this to be shorter and more concise.
*Bullet*"wag of my tale would boost me" ~ "tail".

Overall: A charming write.

Writer's Cramp!
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