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3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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926
926
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey!

This is an Elven Tea Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I am also a huge Twilight fan! I really love that you've written a lot of stuff on the subject and I will be raiding your port at some point *Smile* I thought this poem was really well written, and for me, it acts like a summary to the books/movies so anyone who doesn't know about this, I feel could read you poem and have a good idea!

You've managed to include the emotions that come with the love triangle, you've captured that really well! Well done on a fun and creative piece.




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Elven Tea Garden:

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927
927
Review of Demons  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This poem was a heartfelt piece, depicting the old age struggle between the darkness and the light. I think you have portrayed your thoughts well throughout, allowing them to flow freely; a poem without constraints, I find, in good to allow that piece of your personality to flow through it (I've found that in my own personal experience anyway).

I particularly like your optimism in the face of evil and looking at the good in something which most people would only see as bad.

I particularly like the last two lines, which speak of strength against the evil and encourage each individual to persevere ad climb.

*NoteR*A thought I had:


         *BulletG*Although I really love the free structure of this piece I feel that it may benefit from something such as punctuation, or shortening some of the longer lines (by putting them onto two lines). As it looks now, I feel it is more of a prose piece (a monlogue) rather than a poem. But like I said, this is just a thought!


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann- summer travel


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928
928
Review of Permeation  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I love this! You have written a really good short story explaining the demise of a once-innocent man. I like the description you use thoughout, enticing the reader and painting the scene. You delve into his mind and show the scenes as they cross his mind, one by one. And despite finding out the awful thing he did, I like him as a character. He had integrity.

The therapist on the other hand, you created a wonderful love-to-hate character in her. I'd certainly hate for her to be my therapist, I thought she was quite unsympathetic.






But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann- summer travel


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929
929
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is an Elven Tea Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

You open this piece really well, with a catastrophe that has changed the protagonist's life. It draws the reader into the story as we feel his desperation and his sorrow at losing his beloved home.

You use description well to help paint a picture of the landscape and the setting.

Jared seems like a nice character; it is easy to like him as he is now isolated after losing his home and it makes me want to find out what happens to him. I think I'd like to find a bit more about Jared, what he's like, what he looks like, what his plan is....


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*'who died such a painfully tormenting deaths' - I know what you are trying to say here, perhaps it might sound a bit better like this: who died such painful, tormenting deaths

         *BulletB*'Then as though God new everything' - this should be 'knew'

         *BulletR*I think that perhaps when the voice is speaking at the beginning of the story, if this were put into italics or made distinct in some other way, it would stand out to the reader.




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Elven Tea Garden:

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930
930
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This seems like a good start to something more. You have introduced the characters briefly, the young girl who is quiet and introverted and the mother who is the opposite, but fragile in her older age. You use description well to show the reader how the people and the setting look and the chapter moves at a good pace.

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*hair still has streaks of the glossy black it had once been in it. - I think here you do not need the last two words i.e. hair still has streaks of the glossy black it had once been.

         *BulletB*plastic chair catty corner - I'm not entirely sure what 'catty' is. Perhaps it is a typo or I just don't understand it?!




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann- summer travel


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931
931
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This sounds like a good time and fond memories. I like the descriptions, the way you thought of yourselves and your friends and the realisation that it had all changed before you knew it. You describe it well painting the picture for the reader.

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*There we all sat wearing t-s***s - should be 't-shirts' *Wink*




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann- summer travel


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932
932
Review of The Card Reading  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I think this story is good. You use description really well to paint a picture. I found it particularly vivid, especially the images of the Devil and Suzette's new home! The story flowed well and at a good pace, taking the reader along for the journey.

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*Justina - This is spelled differently a couple of times, some with an e and some with an a on the end

         *BulletB*I would also suggest ensuring that the punctuation you have used is within the speech marks i.e. “You’ll get used to it”, should be "You'll get used to it,"



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann- summer travel


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933
933
Review of Evan's Puzzle  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a really good short story. You have displayed the emotions well and the plot runs smoothly throughout, obviously well thought out. I think the ending was good too, it had a twist that I wasn't expecting and I felt sad at losing Evan but that means your story did well!

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*I asked trying to hind the suitcases. - this should be 'hide'

         *BulletB*The thought made tears spring to my eyes and it encouraged me pack faster. - here you've missed the word 'to'

         *BulletR*and hurry back to Australia so Evan can get better. - instead of 'can' I think this should be could i.e. and hurry back to Australia so Evan could get better.


I thought this was a really good piece. I feel like it's something you could change into a longer piece if you wanted. A suggestion I would have would be to add more description to the sentences within the story, as although they flowed well it was a little prescriptive.

For example:

A rock hit my window.

I would maybe write something like:

A small pebble ricocheted on the bottom of my window, the pane reverberating. It was a small tap but I knew it was Denver, waiting.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann- summer travel


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934
934
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I think this short piece is really nice, it has a good sense of nostalgia and made me think of my Christmasses past too. I think you use description really well and paint a picture for the audience, particularly of the snow drifting outside. I also really like the sense of sentiment throughout as she looks through her previous decorations, I think you capture this well.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann- summer travel


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935
935
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Well done on a good piece of flash fiction! It seems to flow well and progresses to the end which holds a twist in store. I think it's great that he planned a romantic evening in for his girl and hope she can forgive him!!

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*I think that where you have written 'Ring' it works really well but it took me a couple of reads to realise it was the phone. Perhaps you could have spaces between the paragraphs before and after and write it like... Ring ring... Just a suggestion but it would make it a bit clearer I think!

         *BulletB*Also I would just suggest a quick re-read as it seems to flick into present tense in a couple of places and I'm not sure it fits.


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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936
936
Review of *NONE*  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This seemed to be a good piece, moving at a good pace. It starts in her dream, which I didn't expect, so well done for creating a realistic dream world!

I wonder what's going to happen at the end of this piece! It's her birthday so are they going to celebrate after opening presents?

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*As I step threw the - this should be 'through' as the other indicates to throw something

         *BulletB*with the only sounds and movements are the near dead - this sentence confused me a little bit, I think you're trying to say something like....: the only sounds and movements I could hear were the dead nearby, Is that right?

         *BulletR*The last thing I heard was the split second of bullet whizzing threw my head. - Here the word threw should be 'through'. I also had a question about whether you can hear a split second? Perhaps you might hear the bang or the boom as the bullet left the gun?

         *BulletV*I limped off my bed and put close on. - this should be 'clothes'

         *Bullet*As I walked down stares - this should be 'stairs'

         *BulletG*Now I rember - this is just a little typo and should be 'remember'


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann- summer travel


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937
937
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I wasn't entirely sure where this piece was going, it started off seeming to be the beginnings of a horror story but I found this to be something entirely different! I really enjoyed it! It was really eerie and the way you describe this other 'Me' as the story progresses is great! You make comparisons between the real and the fake 'Me' throughout, although the Madness seems to become more real as the story moves on. A very scary idea!

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*and I see the deps of her evil are endless. - I think this should be 'depths'

         *BulletB*So this is what it’s like to be consumed by your own insanity. I think as black - I think here, this should be a continuous sentence as it flows better i.e. So this is what it's like to be consumed by your own insanity I think as... However, another suggestion would be to have all of her thoughts within italics to show they are different from the narration of the piece.


I also thought it might be a little easier to read if you separate the paragraphs with spaces.


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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938
938
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This piece shows that you have a brilliant imagination! There is a lot going on in this story *Smile* I think you open well, drawing the reader in wondering what has happened and why.

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*“search the place, find any living being”. - you need to make sure that within speech you are using the correct punctuation i.e. "Search the place, find any living being." The full stop comes within the speech and it begins with a capital.

         *BulletB* “Give us all your cheesy products.” - I wasn't entirely sure what this phrase meant, perhaps you need to expand a bit?

         *BulletR*My life was better now. - this is one example I've picked out but you need to keep a look out because you've changed from past to present tense a few times!


I think that while this piece shows that you have a brilliant imagination, you've tried to cram it all in within too few words! Perhaps you could turn this into a longer piece, show it going through the process, having the character interact more with the aliens and finding out what they were like and why they were there, and how they changed into different things!!


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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939
939
Review of Momentum  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I thought this was a really clever poem. It personifies momentum and describes exactly what he can do and what he does do, as well as how he affects humans!

The poem flows well with each stanza fitting in perfectly, including all of the rhymes. I particularly like the last two lines which remind us that you're talking about momentum and that it is not a person but that it can mean so much! Well done!



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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940
940
Review of Hidden Truths  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a really nice piece! You've picked out the Christmassy theme of snow and turned it into something quite different. I really enjoy the way that you've described the way each animal feels about the snow and how you described their emotions. I feel a bit sorry for those polar bears and penguins... I wonder if they'd like a heat wave?!

I think it's clever the way you were the zoo keeper and you told you story as you worked, on a timeline of animals.


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*thicky white flakes - I would say this should be 'thick'


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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941
941
Review of Back Home  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I really enjoyed reading this piece. It is short and simple yet manages to portray a vast amount of images of happy times and (for me) Christmas. I like the idea that this house in the woods is hidden and quiet yet there is life and laughter on the inside. Very well written!

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*The only thought I really had for this piece was that it may benefit from some punctuation, at the end of the lines and each stanza, to separate it more and allow the reader time for pause.


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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942
942
Review of Waiting  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I found this piece to be dark and suggestive. It led me through a sort of dim alleyway of thought regarding these monsters and what they could be. I read it a couple of times and had a few thoughts. One of them was vampires because of the great description you use, but I also thought about humans, or different humans. I think this piece is cleverly written.

I also like the form of this piece, it's free flowing with some rhyme *Smile*

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*And revile what’s inside. - I was just wonderinfg if in this last line, is the worst supposed to read 'reveal' ? Forgive me if I am wrong!


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann- summer travel


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943
943
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I think this piece is good, you allow the reader to see inside the reality of this girl for just a brief moment. It teases with just a glimpse before closing again. I like this.

You have used description really well here, it really paints the picture. I particularly liked 'porcelain coffin' and 'the little icicles that fell from the sky'. I thought these were both beautiful phrases.

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG* after about 2 minutes - I would say instead of writing the number 2, you could type two. Usually in writing anything up to ten is written out.

         *BulletB*The only way I can attempt - this small part flicks from past tense to present tense. I wasn't sure if it was intentional but it sits out a bit from the rest of the piece.




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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944
944
Review of The Final Breath  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I found you on the Review Me page *Smile*


*NoteR*What I liked:

I don't read a lot of poetry but even just the title and description of this piece intrigued me, it screamed darkness and I feel like I got it! The poem has a particularly depressive feel to it, what one would expect of a man who is looking at his death. I feel you capture both his past and present really well too, the memories of his bright days juxtaopsed against the darkness that surrounds him.

I also thought the links 'as Death's sweetness courses through my veins' was particularly good. It was creative and suggested that he had been awaiting his death, which was sad but in a relieved sort of way.

*NoteR*AA thought I had:


         *BulletG*Whispers of the past drown out my thought, - This line is great, the only question I had was whether it should be 'thoughts'




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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945
945
Review of Pulpit Grasp  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I found you on the Review Me page *Smile*


*NoteR*What I liked:

Hey well done on what seems to be the start of something great! I think you open the story well with a mix of introductions to the characters and a great amount of detail; you paint the picture well. I like the style of this piece, the way Benjamin thinks of other random things as they are sitting at dinner, and gives us little anecdotes. I'm interested in seeing the evil continue throughout.

*NoteR*A few things I spotted:


         *BulletG*The priests breath produced - should be 'priest's' as it indicated possession

         *BulletB*Flakes that landed on the priests shoulders - should be 'priest's' as it indicated possession

         *BulletR*by just the name ‘Preist,’ - I've noticed this spelling a couple of times, just a little typo

         *BulletV*two days befor emine - just a small type here, the 'e' is in the wrong place!

         *Bullet*I couldn’t help but feel like the thrid-wheel - again just a little typo. I find I do this a lot when I'm really going with a story!




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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946
946
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I found you on the Review Me page *Smile*


*NoteR*What I liked:

I think you wrote this piece well, drawing the reader into the character by introducing his life story and background. Even though it seemed Raven was a ruthless man I liked him for his honesty. The story moves at a good pace and build in tension. I like the way you introduce Neel and though he was an old friend I found myself realising they must have lost touch for a reason and I know how that awkward conversation goes. I didn't see the ending coming either, the fact that Neel was actually dead, so well done on that part!

*NoteR*A few things I spotted:


         *BulletG*It was quarter past one midnight - I don't think you need the word 'one' in here

         *BulletB*Slipped and fell right my face. - I think you should have the word 'on' in here

         *BulletR*and did all efforts to woo him - the word 'did' doesn't work for me too well in this sentence, perhaps it can be changed to read easier? i.e. '...used all of his efforts...'

         *BulletV*he accosted a women - should be woman as there was only one!



I also thought it might be a little easier to read and be a bit more consistent if you have all the paragraphs separated by a space, including the speech.

I also wanted to say the very end part, where Sonal put Neel on the phone, really confused me. Neel is dead and was in the car with Raven?


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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947
947
Review of Zombification  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*


*NoteR*What I liked:

I really like this piece, it's a play on the zombie tradition, he is a zombie but he had also been transformed into a zombie by following orders and serving his Government. I liked the opening and found it different but nice that his girlfriend was dedicated to stay with a zombie!

*NoteR*A few things I spotted:


         *BulletG*Deep breaths were what was needed to get the situation under control. - This first sentence doesn't really sit comfortably. I think maybe you could change it to something like, 'The situation needed to be brought into control. He took several deep breaths, calming himself.'

         *BulletB*feel his girlfriends discomfort - should be 'girlfriend's' because it indicated possession

         *BulletR*disgusts with himself - this is a simple typo but should be 'disgusted'

         *BulletV*Some of the enemies men - I think this should be 'enemy's' because is indicates possession whereas 'enemies' indicates plural. Hope this makes sense!

         *Bullet*the old man Doctor - perhaps he can be described in a better way? i.e. 'The doctor came to see to him. He was an older man, his stature slightly bent, his hair greying.'



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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948
948
Review of The Lost Writer  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*


*NoteR*What I liked:

The title of the story attracted me; I think it could be ambiguous, lost in what way? You open the story well with a great first paragraph that hooks the reader and leaves them wanting more. I really liked the character and felt a bit sorry for him that his family didn't understand.

The ending was good too, a good twist in the story with the woman actually being a trap and Earl saving his life!

I think something else I really liked was thet the trusty notebook was given a personality, it was a person, something to be treasured; I thought this was clever.

*NoteR*A few things I spotted:


         *BulletG*What is that I heard a loud outburst from what I think is a woman in distress. - this sentence confused me a bit. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a thought or a part of the narrative?

         *BulletB*The storm is intensifying the gust of wind are constant now - should be 'gusts'

         *BulletR*the agony in the sound of her voice is all I needed to here. - should be 'hear'

         *BulletV*and pulled out a gun - this didn't have a full stop at the end

         *Bullet*“you bitch" - I think this should be "You bitch!" because it needs to be capitalised at the start, and as he is yelling at her I would personally use an exclamation mark

         *BulletG*“thanks buddy I owe you one.” - just the capital at the beginning.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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949
949
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*


*NoteR*What I liked:

This piece has been sitting in my favourites list for a while; I tend to put things in there that I really want to make sure I come back and read, and I'm really glad I did! I really enjoyed this piece, you draw the reader in well introducing the character slowly but clearly. You set the story well too, offering an insight into not only the lifestyle of someone who lives in the Phillipines but the setting itself, using description to a great advantage.

I didn't see the ending coming and it left me wanting more! I do wonder what happened to him!




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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950
950
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I found you on the Review Me page *Smile*


*NoteR*What I liked:

You develop both the story and the characters well throughout this piece. It's quite clear the the protagonist is different from the expected norm and he takes it in his stride. I like meeting all of the other characters that he can see and talk to, but that nobody else can. It encapsulates his isolatedness mentioned earlier in the story. The story moves at a good pace and leaves the reader wanting more.

*NoteR*A few things I spotted:


         *BulletG*but they it is all for naught. - I'm sure 'they' should be 'then'

         *BulletB*i had read about - should be capitalised

         *BulletR*and seeked help - should be 'sought' help

         *BulletV*whether they were a boy or girl. - though there is nothing wrong with this sentence it feels a little awkward, perhaps you could reference gender as a singular rather than a boy and a girl (if this makes sense)

         *Bullet*following right be hind me. - should be 'behind'

         *BulletG*I braced for Impact - this should be lower case 'impact'



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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