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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 37 38 39 40 -41- 42 ... Next
1001
1001
Review of unfinished story.  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hey I liked the idea behind this, though I would encourage you to give your piece and a title as that would encourage more people to read. At the minute it doesn't give any description of what the story may be about. I would also suggest changing the rating; you currently have an E rating but I think it needs more than this, especially since at the end you write, ‘f*** the rules'. If you are unsure about rating when you edit your item there is a rating guide, this should be helpful.

I spotted a few things:

*Note1* 'The cold, bit viciously' - I think here you could leave out the comma as it would run more smoothly without.

*Note1* 'he picked up on his bike' - should be without the 'on'

*Note1* 'so the boy placed his bike on the graffitied wall' - this would imply the bike was on the wall, perhaps try 'rested against'. Also not sure but check on the spelling of 'graffitied'

*Note1* ‘I do not kill.’ Boy - I noticed a few pieces of dialoge ending with Boy/Figure. I think maybe you could introduce them with names at this point or simply include more descriptive words, for example 'I do not kill.' The boy told the man.

*Note1* 'Guaranty' - just 'Guarantee'

*Note1* 'robbing figure' - you mention this name a few times in relation to the figure but I'm not quite sure what you mean

I did enjoy this piece and really think it has some potential. Typos are easy to make and even the best make them so try not to worry about those too much. I just feel this piece would benefit from a bit more description. I found myself wondering about the boy, who is he? How did he end up on the streets? What will be his plan? Are you going to continue this piece?

I hope you have felt my comments helpful :) if you look over this piece and want me to re-review your short story let me know and I'll take a look

jo x
1002
1002
Review of Story a girl.  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey I enjoyed reading this, I thought it was a nice and friendly piece. I was wondering if you were planning to expand on this? I enjoyed the scene you set, it's descriptive and makes the reader pay attention to what is going on and I think the beginning sentence of the waitress calling out is a nice touch and makes it realistic :) It seemed to me to be more of a descriptive piece, in fact, than a short story.

I spotted one typo at the end of the piece, 'embarrassed,. ' Just an extra comma is all, easy mistake to make. I was thinking it might be a good idea to separate the paragraphs out using double lined spacing or using the indent ML tag just to make it easier on the eye :)

Hope this helps,

jo x
1003
1003
Review of Hexagon  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi I like this as the beginning of the story, really looking forward to reading the rest of it :)

I spotted a few things:

* 'All I could see is a' - should be 'was'

* 'hasd pissed me off.' - should be 'had'

* 'relized' - should be 'realised'

* Much to my dismay, it was inside of his left eye socket. I picked it up and turned it on.

With this sentence it wasn't so much a typo but as I read it I remember thinking it could benefit from more description. For example, how did it feel picking the torch out of the eye socket? Was it bloody? How did it look/smell?

Hope my comments help but honestly I like the story and hope you continue it :)

jo x
1004
1004
Review of Not so Sweet  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey I really liked this :) I had an instinctive feeling that the chocolates may have been for Delcine so I was pleased when they were. I was a little disappointed Delcine didn't return Mae's feelings but I reasoned with myself, love isn't always perfect and not always returned but I like the way you finished it as them still being friends. I thought that was really sweet.

Was there a prompt for the story?

I also really like the names, Delcine (although a little strange to me) and Mae were a nice combination.

Well done on a good read

jo x
1005
1005
Review of Rust  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
What a brilliant read!! This story kept me riveted throughout. I love the description you used, it was so detailed. I felt like I could have been that man! Well done! I spotted a couple of things:

* 'I still hang precariously over The Pipes, The Pipes that govern my life.' - I was wondering if this should be a full stop rather than a comma

* 'Or have I create them from' - should be 'created'

* 'associated with unhealthiest and' - I think this should be 'unhealthiness'

* 'slows down It begins to dry' - missing full stop

Well done on such a great read. I found it to be descriptive but also very deep as he pondered between the real and the surreal and questioned his purpose in life. Did you write this piece for a contest?

Well done on such a good read,

jo x
1006
1006
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey well done on a good read. I contemplated entering this contest but wasn't sure I'd be able to do it. A really tough contest so well done on writing so well. I think the beginning confused me a little as it plugged the contest then seemed to start a little abruptly but I soon got into it.

I wasn't sure of some of the cartoon names either but that's just me and my not-knowing cartoons!

Well done on a good read

jo x
1007
1007
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Another good part of the story. I think the beginning confused me a little, I wasn't sure where Nathan came into it but soon realised it is her college boyfriend. I was wondering about the pills too, when did she begin taking those? Recently when she started college or was it more historic like when she cut her arm?

I noticed just one typo! :

* 'Kate also didn’t understand why Nathan and Roy where friends.' - should be 'were'

I was also wondering at one particular word you used; 'Help.'. It confused me a little but I soon assumed it was Kate's current thought?

Well done on another good piece

jo xx
1008
1008
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Well done on another good read :) I have to admit the beginning confused me a little, wasn't sure where she was but I soon got into it again. Really enjoyed another good part. I really liked the list at the bottom of the story there, I thought it was quite sentimental for Kate and Arianne which was nice and a little funny too.

Only spotted one typo in this one, well done! :

* 'their fiends to' - should be 'friends'

Well done on another good piece

jo x
1009
1009
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
A really good realsitc conversation between Kate and her aunt Arianne. I loved the description of Arianne, it was so life like and made me picture her in tie-dye t-shirts with long hair that was plaited! Well done on such vivid description. The dialogue between the two was great as well, it really had me hooked. Pauses in the right places, descriptions in the right places. Well done! I spotted a couple of things:

* 'Dath was the only think she wasn’t afraid of,' - just a little typo 'thing'

* ““I don’t know why Gabriel - two quotations by mistake

Also a couple of paragraphs are missing indents. But apart from that another fab read, well done!!

jo xx
1010
1010
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Another good piece to the story. I really like seeing that they're getting at least a little bit close and Quinn is realising she's not at all like she is talked about. I like that they're sharing their intimate secrets too, that's quite a nice piece.

I spotted a couple of things:

* 'to starring at her feet' - should be 'staring'

* “Her damp curls where ready for - should be 'were'

* “I don’t think Martha and I would be doing a lot of talking. “You think the sex would be any good with Woody?” - one too many quotation marks!

Other than that another great piece, well done

jo x
1011
1011
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Quite a fun little story. There were a few parts that made me laugh which is good!! I found a few typos here and there but that's normal when you're typing fast and whatnot, so maybe just a quick sweep over your story would be a good idea :) I feel that the ending was a bit unrealistic but that's not particularly a bad thing, not when it's supposed to be a light-hearted piece.

Good read :)

jo x
1012
1012
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
A good sequel to the beginning of the story. I like now that the reader are beginning to get the back-story and find out what is going on. You describe Quinn really well and how he is drunken and silly after splitting up with Sarah, very realistic.

Only spotted one typo so well done! :

* “No, this is fine.” {/}Daniel. She hadn’t - just the missing ML Tag :)

Good read

jo x
1013
1013
Review of The Condition  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Heehee this made me laugh :p It kinda reminds me of when I'm having a slow day at work I'll come on here and either read or write... dum dum dum!! But yeah a good, funny idea for a short story that made me laugh. I wonder if it could actually be possible. And writers annonymous too was a stroke of genius :)

well done on a good, funny read

jo x
1014
1014
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey just wanted to say that I really like this so far. I love zombie stories and anything to do with the undead, would you let me know when you've added more? I like Jame's story so far too, it's realistic and detailed. I also like the way the story begins sitting around a fire. You have described the emotions well, particualrly James but I'm interested to hear the stories from the two girls too

Well done on a good start

jo x
1015
1015
Review of Death's Angel  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A good start to the story and I certainly think you should continue!! Where do you plan on taking it? I like the way you wrote with such detail, it draws in the reader brilliantly. I particularly like how you described the beast but did not go into too much detail; it left me with a sense of mystery and I felt myself wondering what it was, why it was chasing her. I like the idea of magic and glyphs, it seemed like a original idea :)

Good read, well done

jo x
1016
1016
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A funny piece, it made me smile. I like that you've been able to explain much of his character within such a short space and without actually describing too much. The girl at the end was a nice touch and implied a lot without actually saying anything.

Good read, good luck with the contest

jo x
1017
1017
Review of Are We There Yet?  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey I enjoyed reading this. I think you did well with the ending and it was definately a surprise themed party, I wasn't expecting that. I think the words yu had to use throughout were also quite natural and flowed with the story, they didn't seem too forced or anything. The beginning of the story confused me a little when you referred to my 'kin' but I soon understood.

I also felt the main character was portrayed well. I saw her as a rather sulky character but it fitted well with the story.

A good read :)

jo x
1018
1018
for entry "Home Coming" Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey really good start to a story, I really enjoyed reading this I love zombie stories!! Where do you plan on taking it?

I spotted a few things:

* alone from from 3 blocks away. 1 - I was wondering why all of the paragraphs are numbered? Is it those edit point, if so they aren't highlight and not working.

* 'black clothes, hair ,pale' - the punctuation is generally fine but a coupel of extra spaces :p

* “See you tonight at Spence's?”, she shouted. - At the end of speech I notice that you have often put a mark inside the quotation marks and then one outside

I really enjoyed this story and hope you do continue it because I'll be back to read :) Maybe check over the typos, I know they can be easily made when typing fast

Good read

Well done, jo x
1019
1019
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A good read, must have been quite tricky to do with the prompts as well as the word limit.

At the end I noticed one thing:

* 'Slasher is slitting his victim’s throats' - I think it should have been 'was'

But a good short story.

Good luck with the contest

jo x
1020
1020
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Looks like a good start to something, are you planning on continuing it? I enjoyed reading this, the description was good throughout. I thought maybe you could make the paragraphs a little more clear by separating them with spaces or using the indent ML tag.

Also I'd like to suggest that you give your story a rating. This can be done in your portfolio, edit your item and give it a relevant rating. The guidlines can be found there where you edit. When you give it a rating it means it'll be listed on public displays and so more people will see it.

Well done on a good read,

jo x
1021
1021
Review of Just Remember  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
A pretty emotional piece. Do you follow your own advice? I think maybe it would be worth looking at the way it's set out, you could space between lines or use the indent ML tag to indicate new paragraphs. Some good advice though, particularly the last line.

Take care

jo x
1022
1022
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
A really original and interesting piece. Where did you get the inspiration from?! I really enjoyed reading this, it was almost a cross between a fairytale and a child's tale but I really enjoyed it. The way you personified the snowplows was great and they seemed animal-like and graceful.

Well done on a good read

jo x
1023
1023
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I laughed a lot while reading this!! I think the first one confused me I didn't really understand that one but it's probably my own fault for being so unwordly. Otherwise, a funny set of rules to abide by to annoy the people who annoy you. I parituclarly liked the stenographer one!

Well done on a good giggle

jo x
1024
1024
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A good read and well written in such a small amount of words. I think if it was wasn't for flash fiction I would have wanted to know a bit more about the Wendigo, I'm not entirely such what one of them is supposed to be! But an interesting choice in story, a vampire defending humans is an original idea and I love zombies so a big thumbs up there!!

Was there a prompt for the contest?

A good read, well done

jo x
1025
1025
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
A very interesting piece. I wasn't sure how the schizophrenic side of the man would be portrayed but you have done it well. The beginning explaining the deaths, and then 'they' laughing at the knife in his hands. A very descriptive poe. It conjured up images of the very depths of Hell and I imagined the man in this poem smiling as he was dragged away.

Well done on portraying a difficult subject

jo x
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