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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 36 37 38 39 -40- 41 42 ... Next
976
976
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey :) Well done on a really imaginative piece! I always loved the Wizard of Oz so of course I had to read this, I was intrigued to see what would happen. I liked how she began the story following the other brick road, I thought it may have been a little more on the horror side of the genre but I kinda like that it wasn't!

Well done on a good piece,

write on!

jo
977
977
Review of Crimson Moon  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey! Well done on an imaginative piece!

I think one thing I picked up on was 'hides in sight' Did you mean that it hides when in daylight? Or that it hides from sight? I think could be made a little clearer.

I think you've written this poem well, I found it to be really descriptive throughout offering the reader lots to think about. I think that you could turn this into a longer piece if you wish with a story of how the cloaked figure stalks the beast. A bit like a ballad perhaps?

But well done on a good piece and write on!!

jo
978
978
Review of Dead Steps  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey! Well done on a really good piece. I really enjoyed reading this and it put me in mind of Poe's style of writing (was it written for that contest?

I think one of the stanzas confused me a little...number six. I was a bit confused about the 'beating'. Was the child killed by the father who was angry?

I really liked the last couple of lines, it was a little bit cheeky and playful and made me smile!

Well done on a really good piece,

Write on!

jo
979
979
Review of Deep Secret  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey! Well done on a good piece. I really enjoyed reading this, I found that because I was unsure of the subject of the poem it kept me interested and guessing! I think when I first began reading it I thought it was something to do with love but I realise how wrong I was! So well done on keeping me guessing and bringing me a surprise!

Write on

jo
980
980
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey well done on a good piece. It kept me hooked to the end as I wanted to find out what happened to Michelle and if she remembered and what happened to Sean.

A few suggestions I have include the way you have written it. I like that you have written it from both the perspective of Michelle and Sean, however at first I was a little confused at this and it wasn't particularly clear. One thing you could do would be to simply have spaces or stars in between each of the different perspectives to make it clear to the audience that you are changing something within your story. Another thought I had was that you could write a chapter of Michelle, then a chapter of Sean and so on. Hope this makes sense?

Also I think that while the basic plot is good you could spice it up a bit with some more description. For example, I found myself wanting to know what her parents were like, did they visit every day? How did the conversation go? I feel you could really go somewhere with this story if you pad it out a little more giving the audience more of a character to grasp. I wanted to know what Michelle and Sean were like, did they know each other? What colour was their hair? That sort of thing. Hope it does make sense!

However I do think this is a really good basis for something great and I particularly liked the ending, I sensed the devastation that Sean felt as he continued down on his spiral into darkness.

Well done on a good piece and write on!

jo
981
981
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey :) well done on a good start. I really liked the way you started this piece I thought it went well and I really liked his character, he seemed so confused and baffled all of the time but I bet that changes! Also I think that the free wil lstuff is going to be important later on in the piece. I spotted a couple of things:

*Note1* 'A few students let out some light titters, whether it was because of Andy's humiliation or the rather clever comment made by the teacher, it was unsure. ' - should this be 'he was unsure' ?

*Note1* 'Quick as wildfire, the students ceased their action and slotted back in the seat.' - I wasn't sure about the bit that reads 'in the seat'

But anyway well done on a good start. You kept me interested with the the imagery and description you used and it certainly looks like it's going to be the start of something good! Write on!

jo
982
982
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well done on a really good piece :) it immediately grabbed my attention with his dialect/accent and you wrote it so well, so well done for that! You kept it up throughout and it really made the character I thought. I really liked him as a person, he was blunt and straight shooting. He was dicing with death (the only question I had here was why?) and not scared of it. I also believe his showdown with Frankie Albers was just another part of life for him, he wasn't scared and didn't think twice about getting killed.

When I first began reading I thought it was going to be a private eye sort of story because of the dialect but I really liked that it wasn't!!

Well done on a really good piece and write on!

jo
983
983
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey :)

Sorry for the delay in reading this! But I really enjoyed it. The first part gave a glimpse of the girl and what she was going through in her present. I felt utterly sorry for her and really loved the old gentleman who spoke to her and gave her the name. You developed the characters well throughout however and I came to really like that little girl.

I spotted a couple of typos:

*Note1* ‘My harsh breathes’ – should be breaths

*Note1* ‘I soon after fell my knees’ – this part was a little confusing and I had to read it a few times, but I think all that is missing is the word ‘to’

*Note1* ‘dyeing’ – should be dying

I hope this helps! Also there were a few places that there was missing punctuation, for example, at the end of speech.

But otherwise I really enjoyed the characters, you portrayed them well through her eyes. I also like the little hunt of mystery about what a Lady of the Moon is and felt glad to find out later on and have some clarity.

Well done on a good write and good luck with the rest :)

jo x
984
984
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I have to say well done on the beginning of something good. I really like th way you start the story, it immeadietly draws the reader in and makes then wonder what has happened. I think you showed this woman's fear and exasperation well, not knowing where she is and not being able to communicate with anyone to find out. I particularly liked the description of her taking the medicine, how bad it tastes and how she made herself salivate. It's so true!!

Well done on a good start :)

write on, jo x
985
985
Review of Training Day  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey well done on a good write. I really liked the description you used throughout, it really grabbed my attention, particularly the way you started the story. I spotted a coupele of little typos I thought I should point out:

*Note1* “We need help!” I heard someone yell from my feet.” - just that extra quotation mark at the end there!

*Note1* telivision - should be 'television'

I think the plot of the story lost me a little. I initially thought it was a man who was being put into a life or death situation for a crime he had committed. But towards the end it turned out that it was nkown all along and he was a part of the team? I think this need to be cleared up a little bit but this would be easily done I think. You have the story down well you just need to clarify on a few things.

I did really enjoy reading this though! Well done

jo x
986
986
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey well done on a good read :)

I never really watched Buffy but I instantly realised it as a fanfic when I read it. I did wonder if I would have understood it better if I had been a fan, but that's besides the point!! For me it was a good read, you introduce the characters well ad Buffy as a lovable child.

I had a few thought:

*Note1* 'Foolish woman,' Shana thought. 'For all she knew, I could have been a vampire.' "Hi, Mrs. Summers. I'd like to thank you for this chance." 'A chance that most fanfic writers would kill for, some literally.'

This paragraph in particular confused me. I see that you're using both Shana's thoughts and speech in one paragraph and I can see you're using different quote marks but it doesn't stand out very well. I was thinking perhaps if you make the thoughts italic or on a separate line to make it clear to the reader it might read a little easier :)

*Note1* "His name’s Mr. Gordo?" - Not sure why there is a question mark at the end of this, it's a statement rather than a question but I think that's probably just a typo :)

*Note1* reluctance admit her - I think this should be 'amid' but correct me if I'm wrong.

But otherwise I think this is a good read, a good first chapter and I think that you should have many followers of your series :)

Write on!!

jo x
987
987
Review of Sweet Nothings  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey well done on a very heartfelt poem. You have really gotten down to the emotions this person is feeling after being fooled by her boyfriend. A difficult situation and difficult to write about so well done.

Just as a quick note I spotted that some of your punctuation/spelling was a little off, nothing major! One example is that of rwiting 'i' instead of 'I' as a capital. I guess it could be used for effect but then I would argue it should all be lower case.

Anyway, well done on a good piece :)

jo x
988
988
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi :)

From the beginning of this piece I was hooked. I love the use of language style throughout, it's raw and ready and full of emotion (both positive and negative).

I felt gripped by the characters, particularly the guy telling the story. I felt for him and hoped he would manage to get out of there and make himself something more because he wanted to. I felt sad when he called the cops and knew that he had gotten his friends into trouble; I know the feeling of losing friends and you're powerless to prevent it.

Is there going to be anymore? Another chapter or anything? I'd love to follow him as a character and see what happens to him.

I really like how you follow his thought and a lot of it is abstract but when looked at in the bigger picture it all fits.

Well done on such a powerful thought-provoking piece :)

write on!
989
989
Review of Abyss  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey well done on a dark poem. On first thoughts it captures the attention well and lures the reader in. I like the use of free flow and I think it works so well here esp with the longer contrasted with the shorter lines. It is repetitive but this works well in this piece.

I spotted one thing:

*Note1* 'Never is it seen, but its there, always there. - should be 'it's' because it is an abbreviation.

Well done on a dark piece. I also like that the Abyss, although you describe it so well here, is actually very ambiguous and could be anything (I think I'd like to think of it as my fear and the easiness it is to be overcome by that).

Well done on a good piece and write on!

jo
990
990
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a very powerful piece. It took me a while to get my head around it but when I did I really enjyoed it. I liked the idea of the montage and Michael telling the story from his perspective and what has happened.

Also I think it's a good twist that he is the angel of death and that she made him fall in love and become almost human again.

Well done on a good script and good luck with the contest :) x

jo x
991
991
Review of The chameleon  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey :)

Well done on an imaginative piece. I really like that you should good and bad sides (the negative and hte positive) although I think that the chameleon is pretty harmless (though I've never come across one!).

I like the creativity of colouring the line in different colours, gives the poem a nice kick :)

well done and write on!

jo x
992
992
Review of The Night  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey well done on a good piece :) I feel like it could be a longer piece if you wanted it to be, you could do a lot with it! I really like that he has no idea what is going on and although that the bar maid seems to trying to be warning him and that he ignores her.

I think it's a classic tale of bad guy gets his commupence.

I liked it, well done on a good write :)

jo x
993
993
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well done on a powerful piece :) I think you handled this piece well and I love the finish you left it on, really engages with the reader and I know I certainly want to know what happens!


I spotted a few things:

*Note1* 'then glanced over top his reading glasses ' think this should be 'over the top'

*Note1* 'Pitch his voice a little higher hear' should be 'here'

I also spotted a few places where there was missing punctuation but that's an easy mistake to make.

I like the comparisons you make in this piece too, particularly the one in the first paragraph about ice hockey, I thought this worked really well. I could almost feel him being fed to the wolves!

Anyway well done on a good piece and I hope to continue reading when I have the time!!

Write on :)

jo x
994
994
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey well done on a really cool piece :) I like the subject you're tackling, the questions from the daughter to the parents and how he goes about answering that without confusing things. I think you did this really well because love is such a complex issue yet the dad answers his daughters confidently and while not giving a full explanation (because of course you know love when you feel it) he does his hardest to describe and he likens it to something she will understand.

I like that it's written in the present tense, it makes it a little bit special I think, and different.

Well done and write on!!

jo x
995
995
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hey I like the idea behind this story, the first day at school. And I also like his name, Darren Clash, has a nice ring to it. However, I spotted quite a few things:

*Note1* 14 years old boy - should be 'year'

*Note1* say Hi to all his - should be 'hi'

*Note1* criing some freakin emo's siting – should be ‘crying’ and ‘sitting’

*Note1* triing to avoy - should be ‘trying’ and ‘avoid’

*Note1* peaple – should be ‘people’

*Note1* and all of us – here it switches from third to first point of view

*Note1* attention – should be ‘attention’

*Note1* stoped – should be ‘stopped’

*Note1* anythink – should be ‘anything’

*Note1* alwais – should be ‘always’


I do like the idea behind the story but I found, because of the way it was written it was hard to read, but I know that typos are easily made, especially when typing really quickly so they just need to be looked over :) I hope my comments help, if you revise it and want me to look at it again just give me an email :)

jo x
996
996
Review of Yellow Brick Road  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey well done on a good piece. I felt the right emotions where I should have ;) which was great!! And I like the idea of it being a sort of rendevouz, albeit a sexy one, great idea!

I spotted a couple of things:

*Note1* “What did she have up her sleeve?” - I wasn't sure if this should be 'does' but then it would bring it into present tense so ignore my suggestion if you think its wrong!

*Note1* 'notice his surrounding once on Spring Road' - should be 'surroundings'

I was thinking about the yellow brick road; I think I would like to have a little more information about this, what was the yellow brick road, how did he know how to find it and what did it look like?

But well done on a good write,

jo x
997
997
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey I like the idea behind this story, I think it' s well though out. I'd like to know a bit more about the insanity, how it started, what is it, what effects does it have on a person?

I spotted a few things:

*Note1* 'tast, this particual - just a couple of mis-types in the beginning

*Note1* 'It was a system that was put in place to protect the his' - maybe take 'the' out?

*Note1* 'said then done' - should be 'than'

*Note1* 'cocky bastard' - not a typo as such I'm just not sure it fits entirely with the story, maybe try something a less harsh (but that's just a suggestion!)

*Note1* 'and spit on her shoes' - should be 'spat' as it's in past tense

*Note1* 'her face seemed change from expression to expression.' '- missing a 'to'

I hope my comments help you! I do like the story and hope you can continue this :)

jo x
998
998
Review of Laura's Unicorns  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey well done on a really moving read. I like the way you portray the friendship and give the reader glimpses into the past and about how they used to be. I also think it's really nice that they live together but really sad her son doesn't want to be there with his mother but I guess that's how families and sad times sometimes work.

I spotted a few things:

*Note1* 'she is struggling to breath' - should be 'breathe'

*Note1* 'leave everything except put the unicorn in my purse' - missing a word I think

*Note1* 'traveling' - think it should have two 'l's but don't quote me on that!!

I thought this was a really emotional story, so well done. And I liked the metapohric use of the unicorn too. I think there are a few places where there should have been extra line breaks to start new paragraphs so maybe take a look at that but otherwise all good.

Well done on a nice story of friendship,

jo x
999
999
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey I really enjoyed reading this. I don't normally read such long piece on writing.com but the title and description just lured me in so much and I'm glad I went for it! I love the way you brought the plot together starting with his past and slowing drawing in elements of the story. Your attention to detail was great and you created a really believable character in Scuzzy as well as an intriguing plot line that kept me hooked!

I began to notice a few small typos towards the end, when perhaps you were getting excited or a little tired. There are a few punctuation marks where there shouldn't be, partiucularly quotation marks. Also I noticed there were line breaks in the middle of a few sentences that shouldn't have been and I felt interrupted the story flow a little.

I also really like the character of Ramona. She seemed like such a sweet girl until I realised she'd teamed up with Gunner to create an elaborate plot. I didn't see that coming either so well done on having a believable twist :)

Well done on a really good write,

jo x
1000
1000
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey I think you have a very valid argument here. I myself don't particularlt write much poetry but I also feel that poetry is a very personal thing that can be what the writer wants it to be. If you feel that your poem is the best it can be then leave it and be happy. When people comment on your work it is simply to offer suggestions, not to make you follow them and that while these suggestions may offend you they are not meant in that way; the reviewer is simply giving his or her opinion and perhaps pointing out how they would have done it instead.

Just to point out there are a few small typos in this piece but I understand that completely since it was a rant ;)

Hope everything is well

jo x
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