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3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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876
876
Review of Kevin and Lance  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! This is your first review as part of the Elven Tea Garden Jailathon! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I really liked this story! You write in such a way that makes it accessible to a wide audience yet it's still really interesting. You start the piece with a brief description of each person in the story. I think you've done this in a really interesting way; you show the reader who is who but it is not just about appearance, but rather, a lot of the personality comes into it. It also feels from doing this that Kevin is actually telling the story *Smile*

The story moves well from beginning to end, bringing in details as necessary. We learn about Lance and his freakish body for his age. I can't believe it as I'm reading, how big he is! I can't wait to see what is going to happen from here!


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*My goodness, he’s changed! - I would write this as My goodness he had changed!} just because the former brings it into the present tense and it's written in the past.

         *BulletB*And he’s only seven years-old? - I think the same for this one, this brings it into the present so I would change 'he's' for 'he was'



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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by Maryann- summer travel


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877
877
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I'm here for the third Elven Tea Garden Jailathon review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I was interested in this piece because of the title, it drew me in and made me want to read it.

You've really opened your heart up in this piece, sharing with us your bad experiences. I want to commend you for doing so, it's often so hard to be able to let yourself be vulnerable to anyone let alone a site full of people. However you did it and I'm glad you did. It let me have a little glimpse into your life as well as your motto and despite everything you have gone through you still remain optimistic, well done! *Smile*

I hope that you're well and that things are okay for you *Smile*


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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878
878
Review of WHY I LOVE WDC  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I'm here with the second review from the Elven Tea Garden Jailathon! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I saw this piece and knew I really wanted to read it. It tells the reader of your love for writing.com and your reasons for it, which I think is great. I think probably a great many people (including me) take this site for granted sometimes but you've taken the time to stop and think about why you love it so much.

You've bared your heart to us here and I love that, it's really nice to see. Thank you for sharing this with us.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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879
879
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I'm here to return the kind review you did for me! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

You have shared with us here a dream that you had several years ago. I want to thank you for sharing something so personal with us. I think here, despite the fact that the dreams seems to be quite erratic, you've managed to describe it, taking the reader on the journey through your dream with you. You've tried your best to describe how you were feeling, what you experienced, so that the reader too can experience the same things.

I think it must have been really hard for you to be able to describe this dream so well. I often find that dreams are a key to something more, and some dreams more than others, stay with us. Often for no reason that is conceivable.

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*I realized that i had no money with me. - I would capitalise the I in this sentence

         *BulletB*I should have been thrown his hand away from me - I think this should be 'throwing'

         *BulletR*Both my mind as well as my body was paining. - I think here, instead of the word 'paining', I would write 'in pain'



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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880
880
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I found you on the Power Shope Review Board! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a really sweet short story. It takes the reader back to a time when such grievances were solved in such a way. You charactertise these two men well both through your use of dialogue and the description you use.

It made me smile, the way they bumped each other until both sat in the mud, both exhausted. I think the ending is great, knowing that they came to an unspoken, mutual agreement. It did leave me with questions as to where their relationship went from there, but I understand it was a flash fiction and you cannot put everything into it.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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881
881
Review of Cold Torture  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I found you on the Power Shop Review Board! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a really creepy short story! You begin with with a great characterisation of Francine and her best friend Kelly. As I reader I instantly liked both women and wondered where the story would go. I felt sorry for Francine as she toiled in the kitchen for her husband, even knowing he wasn't the man she thought he was.

The story reached a peak as she found out that her best friend and husband had betrayed her. I felt the revenge that instantly came to her mind was a little dramatic but then in reconsidering the first statement knowing that she was tough as nails, perhaps fighting was naturally her first thought.

You bring the story to a close well, leaving the murderer on the loose but the husband as having paid for his betrayal.

I particularly liked the line:

The sting of the sharp blade's stab was instantly accelerated by a burning rush of citrus acid, eating at her raw, oozing flesh.

I think this sentence is particularly descriptive, and allowed me to reminisce and feel the pain that Francine would have felt.


*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*and her anger peeked. - this should be 'peaked'



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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882
882
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I'm here to return the favour to you for reviewing my story! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This seems like the start to something good and I really enjoyed reading it. It seems to be really well thought out and you seem to have a good grasp on where the plot is going.

I think you have created a cast of interesting characters already. I think that Marc and Conner are going to be big parts within the story, best friends and loyal. That's the feeling I get. From his father Matthew, I feel he is fearful for Marc and so is sending him away to protect him as best he can. He seems like a father who wants what is best for his son, though his son may not be able to recognise that.

The story moves at a good pace, revealing pieces of information as needed throughout. We learn where they are, where Marc must travel to, the name of their enemies and their business in Twilight. You have used mainly dialogue here and to me it seems very realistic, the characters speaking as they would in life.

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*I think the first thought I had was the the title was a bit obscure. It wasn't very catching and didn't make me want to open your story. Maybe you can come up with something that will grab a little more attention?

         *BulletB*Matthew was a head shorter than his son. - here when you began to talk about Matthew I had to do a couple of re-read's to make sure I had it right than that Marc was Matthew's son. Perhaps there's a way to make this a little more clear?

         *BulletR*Try to remain consistent. At the beginning we see Marc ducking into a building but the end of the story notes he leaves the tent. It may be that they have moved onto another place but there is nothing in your story to indicate so.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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883
883
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This was an eerily creepy story! It started nicely with a little boy who obviously wanted his first puppy. He fnids the one he wants, the one who is calm and allows him to stroke her. I found al of this normal and wasn't sure what was coming.

The ending, where Billy sliced his knife through his new puppy's throat really got me. I didn't expect it at all and I think because it's so out of the ordinary but written as though nothing extraorindary were hapening, it really threw me.


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*He drew his shoulders in toward his chin. His twitching fingers pulled at the edges of his shirt. - when I read this sentence I wasn't sure who was doing these actions; was it Billy or the breeder?

         *BulletB*I think I would have liked to know more about Billy, how he came to want to kill his new puppy? Was this to be the start of a psychopathic killer (as people often remark it starts with animals!) Just a thought.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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884
884
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I came to return the favour after you took the time to read and reviwe my newest piece! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This short story was very original. It starts with a very captivating line that made me want to read more and find out. The title and description drew me in, wanting me to know more too, particularly because I have a weakness for books and libraries.

You write this well, drawing the reader into the character and allowing us to know Jen is what his life is about.

I particularly liked:

The library is old with a huge circular central atrium that rises through the dark wood and wrought iron to a stunning stained glass expanse that I never would have noticed if it weren't for Jen.

I think it's a very descriptive line which allows us to see everything he does while introducing Jen at the same time.

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*Jen messed up my whole life, she was amazing. - I think maybe this first bit would work better as two separate sentences. It would leave the reader time to pause over the first, wondering how Jen could have messed up his whole life. Also, the second bit doesn't quite fit with the first, but just a suggestion.

         *BulletB*school is a very quite - I think this should be 'quiet'

         *BulletR*I think the ending is good. Though I got a little bit confused.... the needle? I think the assumption I took from this is that she brought him into the world of drugs and he was so intoxicated by her he couldn't say no, am I right?


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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885
885
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This was a really well written piece. It tells of a girls obsession of vampire. She is intoxicated with him for a reason unknown; she has turned her back on everything else because she can't do anything different. You capture the essence of that obsession really well, almost making the reader on her side and loving the vampire as she does.

The way you open and the first line you use is brilliant; I think it really made me sit up and wonder what was going on. Well done for that. You use excellnt description throughout, especially when it comes to the vampire and the field she later discovers. The similie you make between the two is great.

I didn't expect the ending; I guess I knew that he was going to get her and she would die at his hands but I didn't think it would come with such a clear realisation as she had. It was quite a breath of fresh air because I do often find that when faced with certain situations those clarifications do tend to come.


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*How could you be so paralyzed by fear when you're in the presence of such an amazing creature? - here you kind of switch from saying 'she' to 'you'. It doesn't interrupt the flow too much but I'm wondering if it might be better to keep it all the same?

         *BulletB*He leaps so gracefully from off of the rooftops and grabs her neck so violently yet so beautifully. - here I don't think you need to write 'off of' . I think for this sentence I would write: He heaps so gracefully from the rooftops and grabs her neck so violently yet so beautifully.

         *BulletR*He more then likely believes that we are just a game. - I think this should be 'than' but I would double check before taking my word for it!!

         *BulletV*What was weird is that I didn’t seem to really mind that I haven’t been myself for months now and that I did not even notice.
- I've noticed you kind of switch between past and present tense. I find it's better to try and stick to one throughout to help the flow of the story. So in this sentence you use the word 'was' which indicates the past and then bring it into the present tense again.




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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886
886
Review of The Girl  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This was a really strong emotional piece. I really enjoyed reading it. The title and the description drew me in, simplistic but very appealing. I wanted to find out about the girl, and I'm glad I did.

I think you've written this piece with a lot of passion. I can see from the way you use the words as well as what you are saying to describe this girl, that it is love at first sight. Or that's what it feels like to me. I sometimes feel that people aren't appreciated in such a way anymore and instead are just sexualised, so this is a really lovely thing to read for me. It has come from a very romantic perspective and I love it!!

It also left me wondering what did happen, did he ask? Did he take her for coffee? Perhaps there could be a sequel to your prose....


*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*She makes you feel strong and weak at once. - I think I just picked up on this sentence because I think if I was going to write it I would also have the word 'all' in there i.e. She makes you feel strong and weak all at once.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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887
887
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! You asked me to take a look at this piece for you, so here I am! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This looks like the start of something good to me. This short story gave me a taste of more to come and I was wondering if it is something you are going to continue with.

You start well, introducing the background to what will be the longer piece, showing the reader the essential characters from Aliya's point of view (have to say by the way, I love her name!). I think you have managed her to show the reader the background of the story about her father, about the good work he has done, and contrasted it against the wicked nature of her brother.

Although short, this piece culminates in an edge-of-your-seat moment urging the reader to continue and find out what happens. I think you have written this well, showing both love, respect and the wickedness apparent in the world on a quest for power, and I do think that this will make a good and interesting piece.


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*Hidden in the seemingly endless shadows that perpetually engulfed the area behind my brother’s private chambers, through the slits in my lightly embroidered pink veil, I watched my brother and my father, deeply engaged in a discussion concerning the possible administrative reforms that could be made in the empire.

Although this is a good opening I had to re-read it a couple of time as I felt it was a little bit too long. I think I would write:

Hidden in the seemingly endless shadows that perpetually engulfed the area behind my brother's private chambers I watched my brother and my father. Through the slits in my lightly embroidered pink veil I saw that there were deeply engaged in a discussion, one concerning the possible administrative reforms that could be made in the empire.

         *BulletB*I leaned back against the cool marble pillar, with intricate carvings that enhanced its beauty, a patron of art; I would have generally examined the designs and critiqued them.

I think for me, I would probably cut this sentence in two:

I leaned back against the cool marble pillar feeling the intricate carvings that enhanced its beauty pressing into the soft flesh of my skin. A patron of art, I would have loved to examine the designs and critique them but today...

         *BulletR*My brother stepped forward to embrace him, in the fraction of a second I saw the sharp gleam of a knife, the next thing I saw was red blood, pure red blood pouring out of the gaping wound on my stumbling fathers back.

I really like this sentence. I've just pulled it out because generally when I write such a sentence I would use shorter sentences because in my opinion it increases the tension. It's just a thought but I would write it as:

My brother stepped forward to embrace him. In the fraction of a second I saw the sharp gleam of a knife. The next thing I saw was red blood, pure red blood pouring out of the gaping wound on my stumbling fathers back.




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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888
888
Review of MY PEN  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XmasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a short but sweet poem which considers what tool your pen serves *Smile* I found this piece to be really creative and unique and I feel you've really thought about what your pen (and your writing) means to you.

*NoteR*A thought I had:


         *BulletG*I was thinking as I read this piece, that although 'the Pen be....' sounds fine and seems to work for this piece, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it. I'm not sure whether it's because I would write 'the Pen is...' and this feels a little more normal to me. But just a thought!


Hope this helped! *XmasTree**SnowMan**XmasTree**SnowMan*




But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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889
889
Review of A Day or Two.....  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XmasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Hey! This was a really heartfelt piece of poetry. I think you've written this piece really well, captured the emotion of heartbreak or love and the need for space in amongst all of that. The poem itself flows well, the lines feeling natural and the repetition of the 'or maybe two...' works really well *Smile*

I think the subject is a good one too, showing the reader that the woman here clearly has the power in the relationship (and as a feminist at heart, I love it!)


*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*to be alone-to sit and think - When I read this line I thought that maybe that in-keeping with the rest of the poem it might work better with a comma rather than a hyphenation, or having it on two lines.


Hope this helped! *XmasTree**SnowMan**XmasTree**SnowMan*




But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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890
890
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XMasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Snowman*


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a really short and sweet poem which entices the reader to look at the night sky as you do and see it's beauty, trying to discover the secret. This piece flows well and captures your thoughts as you think them, portraying the night sky to the reader.

*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*I noticed in some places this piece rhymes and in others it doesn't. I would suggest that letting it flow naturally rather than trying to make it rhyme will make it more effective in showing your love of the night.



Hope this helped! *XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman*



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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891
891
Review of The Mystery Man  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XMasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Snowman*


*NoteR*What I liked:

This story was short and sweet. You seemed to have a good idea to begin with and flow through to the end of the plot nicely. I think you could turn this into a longer piece if you wanted!

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*Fourteen years old Sarah, woke up in the night by the noise downstairs. - I re-read this sentence a couple of times and realised it didn't quite grab my attention the way it should. I was wondering if the girl's age is important, especially this early on in this piece? I think I would write this as A crash downstairs woke Sarah from her deep sleep.

         *BulletB*and not for a moment, she had felt comfortable in here. - I think here I would probably drop the comma and change a couple of the words around i.e. and not for a moment had she felt comfortable in there.

         *BulletR*Ever since she has moved into this new house, - I picked this out as an example because I notice that through this piece you switch from past to present tense a few times. I think sticking to one tense makes it easier to read and keeps the reader in the story. I would write this as: Ever since she moved into their new house,

         *BulletV* “I have read enough horror books to think there is some monster or ghost out there, playing piano in my living room” she thought bravely - here you are saying she is thinking. I would suggest that instead of using speech marks that you place her thoughts within italics. It will make it clearer the the audience that it it her thought.


Hope this helped! *XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman*



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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892
892
Review of Just So  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XMasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Snowman*


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a really nice piece that honours your memory of your family life. I read this a couple of times and felt like I was able to glean a lot of information about your life growning up, particularly about your mother. As you write about her it has become apparent that you adore her and look up to her. She seems like such a lovely woman *Smile*



Hope this helped! *XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman*



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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893
893
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XMasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Snowman*


*NoteR*What I liked:

This story was a good piece. It captured my interest from the very beginning with the title and description and kept me wanting more. You give a good amount of detail of her back story, but not so much to overwhelm. It feels just right and what we need as a reader to understand her motivations.

You draw upon suspense throughout, using description as well as the voice of the vampire in the mirror. As a reader I was not aware of what this was until the very end, you had me guessing the whole way through which is great because it came as a twist but also helped the tension to build!

The description you use throughout is great invigorating all of my senses; I felt I was in the attic with her as she grasped the sheet between her fingers...


*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*To the right of her reflection - the paragraphs starting with this line needs a space before it because at the moment it's still joined to the paragraph before.


Hope this helped! *XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman*



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
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by Maryann- summer travel


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894
894
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XMasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Snowman*


*NoteR*What I liked:

This seems like a short but fun little horror story! We first encounter the peer pressure Julie is receiving from her friend and then move through the story to the horrific ending that leaves her hurt after making a deal with the internet.

*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG* lugging books around and all that waisted paper. - this should be 'wasted' as the formed refers to the anatomical waist.

         *BulletB*saving tree’s - this should be 'trees'

         *BulletR*I think that although you have a good idea here, the piece feels a little bit rushed. I feel like it would benefit from an edit where perhaps you add to it, allowing Julie's character to flourish, explaining to the reader how the deal was made and why she was suffering. I wasn't too sure about that part.



Hope this helped! *XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman*



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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895
895
Review of Fearless  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XMasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Snowman*


*NoteR*What I liked:

This was a really well written flash fiction! You have it down well and it flows nicely from beginning to end, allowing the reader a brief glimpse into the horror filled time for this woman. In this piece we see her reminisce about her old self but take charge of the woman she is now, stronger and more willing to fight, and kill.

I particularly liked:

It occurred to her that she was no longer the woman she’d been only a few days earlier.

It spoke to me as a moment of clarity. I'm sure everyone has these at some point and you have been able to write down that moment as a phrase, well done!




Hope this helped! *XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman*



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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896
896
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XMasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Snowman*


*NoteR*What I liked:

This was a really nice and warming poem. As I read, I realised that through your descriptive words you have set the scene, showing the reader the setting for the poem, setting the context.

The description you use is vivid, really allowing me to see what is going on. The poem itself flows well with a natural rhythm. I see you haven't chosen to use rhymes however, I think that this allows the free flow of the poem.


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*I think that the piece may work a little better if you use punctuation at the end of the lines, for example, commas, which will allow the reader to pause when they read but also will add to the tone of the poem.

         *BulletB*Although I really like this piece, the title and description were about the kiss. I guess I kinda thought there would be more about the kiss in the poem, perhaps there's room for more?


Hope this helped! *XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman**XMasTree**Snowman*



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann- summer travel


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897
897
Review of Surprises  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XMasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Snowman*


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a really short fun piece. You open the story well with an immediate feeling of dread. I'm still scared of the dark a little, I'm sure most people are! It draws the reader in and entices them to read on. You build the suspense as the peak through the story, using the senses to describe how Ellen is feeling as well as what is going on in the plot. The plot moves at a good pace, reaching a crescendo as something brushes her leg and then onto the conclusion when the lights are switched on. I like the threat she has in her voice too at the end when she warns Steve it's his birthday soon! *Smile*


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*In the first line we see Ellen's throat and stomach tighten. Perhaps you could use another word for one of them to avoid repetition?

         *BulletB*Oh man, she thought. - I think here when you're using her thoughts to help the narrative along, perhaps putting them in italics will help to make it clearer to the reader. i.e. Oh man, she thought.

         *BulletR*How many times had she seen this in horror movies? The girl, usually a blonde, is fumbling around in the dark getting more and more scared. - here you move from past to present tense (I do it sometimes too!) I think keeping the story it one tense makes it easier to read and also helps the reader to immerse themselves into the story. I think I would change the second sentence to: The girl, usually a blond, would be fumbling around in the dark, getting more scared by the minute.

         *BulletV* <i> I never thought of myself as a dumb blonde, but here I am.</i> - I've noticed these a couple of times throughout and I think what you're actually trying to do is put it into italics? If so, then rather than < > you need to use I hope that makes sense!!



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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898
898
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XMasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Snowman*


*NoteR*What I liked:

This was a really fun and light hearted poem. The subject was fun and allowed for a wealth of imagination to come into play, I really think you've exercised it well here.

The poem flows well with each of the stanzas fitting nicely and the rhymes all working naturally, which is great!

I have to say I felt a bit sorry for the child who was made to feel a fool but really like the way you ended this piece, the mantis who was preying on the other bugs. Unique and fun!

I don't think I can make any suggestions about this piece.

Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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899
899
Review of Where Evil Dwells  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XMasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Snowman*


*NoteR*What I liked:

I found this to be a really good Halloween story. When I began reading it I thought it was a little reminiscent of Hocus Pocus where the young man is turned into a cat, however, this is very different from that and so very original.

You have written the piece well, it flows smoothly from beginning to end, reaching a very satisfying end as the witches are tarnished and killed by their own doing.

You use description well throughout and paint a picture of a dark eerie setting for the reader.


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*as I stared at the lighted window - When I read this I couldn't help but think to myself: should it be 'lit'? I'm not entirely sure on that one though so feel free to ignore me!

         *BulletB*contents fell to the floor with a thud. - I think the potion in the cauldron (in my head) is a liquid substance, so perhaps it wouldn't fall to the floor with a thud, but rather a splash?

         *BulletR*One other thing I kept thinking as I moved through the story is that I would have liked to find out what the witches were like, what they looked like, how they had succeeded in their duties every year without alerting suspicion.


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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900
900
Review of Go to Bed!  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile* *XMasTree*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Snowman*


*NoteR*What I liked:

This was a really sweet little poem! I read this, and although I don't have children myself, I laughed the whole way through. I can imagine the conversation with a young child goes pretty much the same way as they try to push the boundaries, particularly when they know how to manipulate!

I like the way you've written this piece. I think it's interesting that you chose to write it as a poem that could be read aloud by two people and I can imagine it would work really well. The stanzas flow naturally and the rhymes all work too, not feeling forced.

It's easy on the eye because of the way you've set it out but also the use of different colours.


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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