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3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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801
801
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Smile*


*NoteR*What I liked:

I like that most of the answers are from some weird turn of events! *Smile*

hehe, I met my partner when I worked at a local bar... I worked most weekend nights and a man used to always come in, get drunk and talk to me. He started telling me about his son who 'I would love' and then one night brought him in. Turns out, I did! *Smile*

Do you have a story to share?


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*


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#1855489 by Not Available.
802
802
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Smile*


*NoteR*What I liked:

Well done on creating such an interesting poll. I did my dissertation looking at social stigma attached to depression and anxiety in young people; but I found that there wasn't as much stigma as I'd predicted (from other young people)

I don't think I know anyone with bipolar but as far as I know, as long as it's controlled by medication that person can have a normal life? Please correct me if I'm wrong, I don't mean to be ignorant!!

What do you deduce so far from the results?



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*


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#1855489 by Not Available.
803
803
Review of The Detective  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Smile*


*NoteR*What I liked:

This was a really well written piece. I always tend to love that film noir sort of detective and I've never seen it in a poem before. But I think you've captured the atmosphere and style really well. I can really picture the scene, the woman crying over her loved one who was unmercifully taken, the detective in his suit and hat, commanding his men to search.

I really liked the lines:

'peering into places where midnight slumbers.'

and

'My tools feel awkward,
clumsy in my mind.'

They work really well and paint the picture.

The stanzas work well together and flow nicely in the free structure *Smile*

I don't have any suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*


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#1855489 by Not Available.
804
804
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently! *Smile*


*NoteR*What I liked:

Well done on a really emotional piece. I really feel you've been able to express yourself freely and show the emotions you're feeling to the reader. I'm getting that you're confused and a bit conflicted as to the resolution of this; there are only two ways, one which will bottle your feelings up for longer and one that makes you vulnerable and so is the hardest to do. I'm not going to offer advice, all I can say is I think you should follow your heart *Smile*

This poem is well written and put together; it flows nicely and has a good free structure. The subject of the poem comes across really well and your emotions within that.

I didn't have any suggestions to make to this piece *Smile*


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*


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#1855489 by Not Available.
805
805
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a fun idea for an interactive! It starts with a genie hiding up in teh attic, which turns out to be his worst nightmare, or will it?! I think having a gift/curse that everything he says becomes literal is quite fun because we use similies and metaphors so often within speech and literature that it's really creative to think about how it would actually occur! Well done!

Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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806
806
Review of Royal Duties  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I think you've created something really intereesting here; a girl is told how to act and behave to fit her social role, but she doesn't want any part of it and seeks company in the stable boy (who is madly in love with her!) What a creative idea!

*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*I think the only suggestion I have is that when you're doing your options at the end of the chapter, maybe give options rather than just using 'continue' it will act as a prompt and a lead in the direction of a story. Just a thought!


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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807
807
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I think you've created a really good idea here! The age old fairytale of Peter Pan is a classic and this has allowed the readers/authors to think about what Peter Pan was, what it meant to them and contribute to that legend with the same characters. It allows us to be as creative as we want which is great!

*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*I think the only thing that confused me a little was your character list... so far we know Maisie is the main character but those other few just behind her on the list, do they need to be included in the story too? I think you should try to make that a little clearer.

Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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808
808
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I found you on the Power Shop Review Board! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This was a really good piece that I enjoyed reading! I wasn't sure what to expect uopn reading the title but it wasn't this; however, I think that you've captured the abstract nature of the man within this piece and the significance of that little stress ball well.

You've written this well from beginning to end, taking the reader on the journey with the protagonist.

I think you have developed his character really well. You let the reader see some background, his personality and how he has grown up to want to reach his goal. And we know that he's a hard worker because he's relentless in his research and plods on regardless.

I think you've really captured his voice here, I think this is exactly as he would sound, the language he would use. In places I almost felt it had a journalistic quality which I think is great.

You also managed to show his paranoia growing throughout the story, the way he did thigns in secret and didn't reveal his plans to anyone for fear that he would be disregarded. The conspiracy theory of the name of the corporation... or was it just theory?

I think that's the one thing I wasn't clear on; whether his paranoia was founded or not. I got the impression that the stress and pressure of his work was causing the paranoia. I hope that's what you were trying to do!


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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809
809
Review of Love You To Death  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I'm really attracted to darker fiction or horror and so the title and description drew me in to this piece.

This is a really powerful piece. We see the story from the point of view of the would-be killer as he waits outside his ex girlfriend's house preparing to murder her and her new boyfriend. You show the reader through his thoughts, the emotions that are going on for him including anger, jealousy and despair. The first part of the story is mainly regarding the anger and jealousy he has that his girlfriend is not his anymore, the second the despair that he is almost like his father. I found this to be the really powerful piece, when he goes to his mother and asks for help. I think that's really great and gives a glimpse into the nice side of her personality. And I have to say, even though he planned to kill them, I felt a little sorry for him at that moment!

The story moves at a good pace, building the suspense as we see him with the gun, wondering what is happening, what will he do?


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*Her laughter sounded alot - this should be 'a lot'

         *BulletB*I would also suggest just being a little careful around spacing and punctuation, there are lots of spaces after the beginning of speech marks which aren't needed. It's only a tiny thing but just thought I'd let you know *Smile*

Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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810
810
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a nice piece that invites the reader to consider what they are afraid of. It asks them to consider asking for help if it is the dark that they fear, for He is there and will never say no. It really invites the reader in to consider the questions that have been asked which makes it quite interactive.

I think you've written this well getting the point across clearly. The poem flows well with each of the stanzas fitting together well.


*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*I would maybe suggest using some punctuation within this piece to allow the reader pause to think and reflect on what has been said and what will be said. If you do use punctuation though I would recommend making sure you use question marks because you ask the reader a lot of questions, particularly in the first stanza.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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811
811
Review of Visual Poetry  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I've been perusing your port and I came across this. I'm sure I've seen things like it before but I wasn't sure what you meant by the title Visual Poetry (until I opened it up!)


I really like this, it gives the reader a sense of what writing.com means to you, and it clearly means a lot. You've come up with a lot of really good and positive words there *Smile* Thanks for sharing this with us!






Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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812
812
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

*Shamrock* This is a St Patricks Day Power Raid! *Shamrock* *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Hehe! Well done on a really comical little poem. I don't often read poetry but I thought I'd make the effort for St Patrick's day and I've read quite a lot. I'm really glad I opened this piece; the limericks work really well, flowing just as they should and the rhymes are natural. They made me smile the whole way through! *Bigsmile*



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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813
813
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

*Shamrock* This is a St Patricks Day Power Raid! *Shamrock* *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This was really interesting to read because I feel like it brings a lot of Irish history and culture into my thoughts. I've never heard it before and it's a nice little ditty.

But then I started thinking about the meaning behind the words, particularly the second stanza which is about the woman being whatever her husband wants to be, not saying no (even if she wants to) So I'm not sure how I feel about it!! But obviously that's not your fault it's just the way I think *Smile*


*NoteR*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*I would suggest maybe having some line spacing between each of the two stanzas just to separate it a little and perhaps centering it, just a thought!



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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814
814
Review of My Irish Lass  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

*Shamrock* This is a St Patricks Day Power Raid! *Shamrock* *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This is a really sweet and romantic poem. It tells of a love story between two, a man and an Irish woman. I really think you've done well here to describe her from the point of view of the man; I can really picture her with her sparkling emerald (I love that colour/description!) and her creamy skin. She looks beautiful in my head (and I also picture her wearing green!)

The poem flows nicely, each stanza fitting with the last. I don't know a lot about technical poetry writing but I noticed that the first stanza had five lines rather than four like the other two. But I think it still works because it's almost like a love letter to the woman he's talking about, the way it starts.

The stanzas fit together nicely and the rhymes feel natural which is great. And I have to say, I'm glad to hear that she's going to be his forever *Smile*



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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815
815
Review of Blarney  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

*Shamrock* This is a St Patricks Day Power Raid! *Shamrock* *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Hehe! This poem had me giggling the whole way through!! When I began reading I thought it was going to be more of a fable, telling of the legend of the Blarney Stone but what I found was somewhat different, but it worked really well.

You've written a good piece of comedic poetry here, telling the tale of the wife who kisses the blarney stone and then never lets her husband have a moments piece! I can just see him now sitting in his chair, grumbling away as she talks!

The description and language you use throughout works really well and keeps the rhythm of the poem going, it also makes it really humorous. The poem flows well and the rhymes feel natural and not forced which is great!


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*I would suggest maybe using some punctuation within this, particularly capital letters at the beginning of each line and full stops/commas at the end. I just think it will give the reader pause to think and also notes when each particular thought/theme is finished with.

         *BulletB* dont think she mearly kissed the blarney - I think this should be 'merely'


         *BulletR* I was also wondering about your spelling of through as 'thru' I think it might work a little better if it's spelled the right way *Smile*



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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816
816
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a St Patricks Day Power Raid! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Well done on another really great and beautiful poem. The words and descriptions you have used here are unreal; they really paint a picture of Ireland for me, about what it looks like, the beautiful places, the people, the names. It makes me really want to visit! I've never been to Ireland and I'm just across the water in the UK.... I think I might put it on my list of to dos!

But really, thank you for sharing this wonderful piece with us. It's really well written, the poem flows well and the rhymes work naturally, you've clearly put a lot of time and effort into this piece! Thank you!







Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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817
817
Review of FLYIN' BACK HOME  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a St Patricks Day Power Raid! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry but I loved reading this! It just really worked for me, it had an immediate rhythm which made it easier for me to read (hehe). As I read quite quickly I had this little sort of tune going on in my head and it really helped it flow. So the poem works really well, flows naturally and the rhyming scheme too works really well and fits together perfectly.

You tell the reader of a humorous journey of travel which involves an awfully long stop and search, and it was because of the Irish! How absurd! But you say this was a true story, did it happen to you If so, thank you for sharing it with us and making me smile before I have to go to work!!







Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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818
818
Review of Night and Day  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Wow, Mara! This is such a brilliant story. It's been really well written the whole way through. I really felt the emotion, the relationship between the girls with the special connection. You've really captured me with this piece, I can see their friendship and I love it, I wish I had it.

But the ending it so sad, to see her so desolate and defeated, knowing she hasn't got her best friend to rely on and help her to bounce back. I think the ending was tragic but also worked really well, it seemed fitting.



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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819
819
Review of Smaug  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

did you draw this yourself?! It's really fab. I truly love the Hobbit! hehe *Smile*



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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820
820
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Well done on a really unique piece! I don't think I ever recall reading something like this; it faintly reminded me on An Interview with A Vampire, however, this is different in the way that she is definately in danger.

You've written this well with a strong narrative voice which really brings out the personality of the vampire, we see he is a lonely man, someone who wants company, but also someone who is used to getting his own way with no fear. All of this comes across in this short passage, so well done!




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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821
821
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

I have to say this is really nice and thoughtful poll! I think it's nice that you've asked the members of the community to consider how happy they are (because then I believe if they are not happy, that is something they can change after consciously thinking of it!)

Hehe well done *Smile*




Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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822
822
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Is it cheating that I chose my bedroom when I tend to write on my computer which is in my bedroom? *Wink*

I think I like to have solitude when I'm writing and usually this is the only place I can do it. Good question to ask though, well done!



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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823
823
Review of Tender Thorn  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Tea Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember, these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

Wow, Lady Phoenix, this was a brilliant short story!

You open the story well, hooking the reader straight away. I instantly got the feeling that the man who is whispering into the women's ear is a little creepy/sinister and you've only just opened, so it's fab you've been able to do that!

I think this paragraph is really well done:

'Consciousness came and went as he forced himself inside her body. Suddenly, she was floating in the wind storm above everything, no longer feeling the violation. She watched with a cold heart and cold eyes. It was as if it was happening to someone else.'

It allows the reader to understand what is going on for Elena which is truly horrendous, but does so in a way that is sensitive and not graphic at all. I think I found myself going to the wind storm with her, just to get out of it, to be with her and make sure she was okay.

I think you take the reader through the plot at a really good pace, giving away small snippets of information, allowwing us to see into it what we will. You develop Elena's character really well, showing the reader what a lovely, compassionate woman she is, yet also at the end, helping us see that she's become stronger when the torment has gone.

Honestly, a really well written piece dealing with a really tough subject. I work at a local Rape Crisis Centre and we hear these myths so often i.e. he wouldn't have to rape her, look at him, he's gorgeous/powerful/loaded etc and it's just not true. I really think you've captured the fact that even those people can have a bad nature and can do something such as rape an innocent woman. Really Phoenix, well done!


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*"Well fought counselor," a smooth voice whispered in her ear. - I'm not sure why I think this but perhaps a comma after the word 'fought' would work well. It would suggest a pause in the speech (but that's just how I hear it in my head!) I think because I am already getting the impression this man is sinister and because he is whispering in her ear this is how I hear it. Hope that makes sense! But ignore it if you wish.

         *BulletB*wrapping her arms around herself to protect herself from the chill. - I think here the repetition of the word 'herself' is just a little much in the same sentence. I think I would change it for something else, but I'm not sure what.

         *BulletR*reentered - I'm never really sure with words like this, whether it should be hyphenated. Ignore me if it's wrong!

         *BulletV*She bone tired from the ordeal - I think this should be 'was bone tired'

         *Bullet*"Congrats on the trail, - I think this should be 'trial'




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Tea Garden:

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824
824
Review of The Darkness  Open in new Window.
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

This popped up on my 'Read a Newbie' Bar on the left and I have to say it really caught my attention just with the title and description, so that's great *Smile* It'll hopefully get you a lot of recognition!

This was a really good, abstract piece. I say abstract because I feel like there was no distinct plot, no character development, yet I still think it worked really well as a short piece. It gave the sense of impending doom, of being engulfed by the darkness. And I felt that the darkness written about here could be a myriad of things, each reader taking what they will from it. It really put me in the frame of mind for horror, of black and dark horror.

Well done!!



Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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825
825
Review by blue jellybaby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*NoteR*What I liked:

You've wrote an intriguing story about a Brotherhood whose purpose is to slay werewolves who harm innocent humans. Kalum has clearly been in this Brotherhood for a long time and he is hunting one of the creatures; yet this time he is fatally bitten and knows that he will turn into one of those creatures at the full moon.

Then we see something quite unexpected, a love interest. I really didn't see this coming in this piece so well done for the element of surprise there! They seem to have a really affectionate relationship and I really want them to be able to be together, so the ending when she has to leave is really quite sad.

You've written this well, taking the reader along Kalum's journey as he hunts the werewolf but is unfortunately turned. We see him go through a range of emotions from anger to despair and finally, savagery when he turns. Well done on being able to convey that all!


*NoteR*A few suggestions I had:


         *BulletG*Kalum know he was close. - in the first paragraph, this should be 'knew'

         *BulletB*I would suggest to make sure you leave spaces between paragraphs, just because it makes it easier for the reader *Smile*

         *BulletR*I would maybe suggest using a line break after the first paragraph when Kalum is bitter. It would serve to make the reader pause but also to make it clear that the story is changing in some way i.e. setting, time etc.


Hope this helped!


But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. [E]
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
by Maryann Author Icon


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