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3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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701
701
Review of When Fate Laughs  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, you posted this in the Members Items In & Out and I wanted to come and review it for you. The title is intriguing, it personifies fates and I really like that.

*Pencil*Storyline: We begin to get to grips with the story here but I can't help but feel it's not finished. We meet Shane and Trent, brothers separated by five years. Tamara is Trent's twin. We also meet Daniella, Shane's girlfriend. Trent calls up Shane and asks him to go to a party and we realise that therre may be something amiss, though we don't find out what. Are you planning to continue this?

*People*Characters: Shane is the main character in this. He is five years younger than his brother but seems to have a sensible head on him. He also seems to push his relationships away; he seems happy with Daniella but not quite ready to commit and I found myself asking why.

Trent seems to be quite the opposite of Shane. He seems to be quite uncontrolled and a bit chaotic. Shane seems to look after him! We don't meet Tamara but start to get to grips with the relationship between the three. I'll be looking forward to seeing more!


*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I don't really feel like I've managed to grasp the atmospere of the piece yet; it's probably because it's not finished that I'm not able ot tell and I don't want to make assumptions.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*fought like cats and dogs,
fought like cat and dog,

I know what you're saying here but I think it should be singular rather than plural.

*BulletB*but what he did know was that Trent would definitely be sleeping in the guest room tonight. He

I'm not sure if this was an unfinished sentence or a typo!

*BulletR*Trent's passive aggressive tone indicated Shand had was foolish
Trent's passive aggressive tone indicated Shane was foolish



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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702
702
Review of In the Mirror  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I've had this stored in my favourites for a while because I wanted to come and read it!

*Pencil*Storyline: 'In the Mirror' tells the story of Mrs. Todd and her husband (whom we never meet). She asks for a police prescence to witness the phenomenon in the mirror. The officer think she's a 'nut job' but soon experience it first hand and tried to kill Mrs. Todd. He realises he has been possessed for a short moment. He promises to try and help her but the next time the call comes Mrs. Todd is gone and Ida is back; she's killed her husband but she saved the officer from the fire in the house.

Some questions I had:

Where did the fire come from?
Why did she save him?
How come the mirror was outside and unharmed after the fire?

This piece switches perspectives a few times throughout which I found quite confusing because it's written in the first person and we're not made aware that any change will be made. If you wish to use both of their perspectives I would suggest that you want the reader to be able to see everything that happens; I would suggest you switch from first to third person i.e. she did, he said.

*People*Characters: Because the story moved about a lot (Mrs. Todd and the officer were the main characters) I found it got a little confusing because they weren't always themselves. I like the story and think it works well but need a bit more notice when someone has possessed them. Perhaps a physical or mental change. For example:

Mesmerized, I watch as the man caresses the woman’s face gently. His face changes, anger fills his eyes. My blood is boiling, I’m feeling… He stands up, raises his hand and slaps her to the floor. The lady, same size as Mrs. Todd, five foot three, 100 pounds, dark hair, they could be sisters. Anger, where did that come from? He drags her up by her hair, shakes her and slaps her again. Crinolines, I hear the taffeta and crinolines fly behind me. I stand, turning and knock Mrs. Todd down.'

It is hard to tell when he is changing and becoming possessed and he still switches from seeing the man in the mirror to being that man. Perhaps a sentence like:

'He felt something squirming inside of him; an unabated anger for the woman that he'd never met before. The red mist shielded his vision as he raised his hand to slap her again.'


*BurstR*Dialogue: I found the dialogue a little confusing in places; especially at the beginning, there aren't a lot of speech tags so we don't know who is talking any when. I would suggest adding more speech tags i.e. she said, he said.

Also, I would suggest that only the direct thoughts should be in italics and that they should be in present tense. You switch perspectives a few times and it gets a little confusing. For example, when there is action it should not be in italics because it's a part of the story line rather than his thoughts.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“When I looked into the mirror, I didn’t expect, well I guess I should start at the beginning, though.”
“When I looked into the mirror, I didn’t expect... well, I guess I should start at the beginning.”

*BulletB*Personally, he looked at me like I was nuts.
Personally, I think he looked at me like I was nuts.

This is her opinion so I would add in a couple of extra words here just to make it clear.

*BulletR*Mrs. Todd, skittish little lady, long hair, dark brown eyes darting constantly about, stylishly dressed, I wonder if she ever stops fidgeting?

This is the first thought within the story. I had no idea who was thinking it, what relation he was to Mrs. Todd. I think I would have written something like:

I sat and studied her closely. Mrs. Todd is a skittish lady with long hair. Her eyes are constantly moving. I wonder if she ever stop fidgeting?


*BulletV*“It took almost a year in total to get the house ready to live in, it and a whole lot of sweat equity. It was a work of love.”

“This is the dining room, the kitchen is just beyond....

Are both of these paragraphs Mrs. Todd speaking? If so, it's not made clear. Perhaps some speech tags would help that out.

*Bullet*His eyes brighten; I guess he thinks we’re finally getting to the good part. I know, however, we’re getting to the part I can’t explain. I start fidgeting with my necklace, rubbing the cross back and forth across the chain, goose bumps
His eyes brighten; I guess he thinks we’re finally getting to the good part. I know, however, we’re getting to the part I can’t explain. I start fidgeting with my necklace, rubbing the cross back and forth across the chain. Goose bumps

*BulletG*What’s happening to me now? Whoa now, am I starting to believe her? She hasn’t told me anything to believe. Sam, snap back to reality. You can’t let her see you get shaky.
What’s happening to me now? Whoa now, am I starting to believe her? She hasn’t told me anything to believe. Sam, snap back to reality, he remonstrated himself. You can’t let her see you get shaky.

*BulletB*I take a deep breath, blow it out, and open the door to the bedroom, a chill enveloped me.
I took a deep breath and blew it out, and then opened the door to the bedroom. A chill enveloped me.

This sentence had elements of both past and present tense. I tend to find it more consistent and more easily flowing if you choose one and stick to it.

*BulletR*Continuing the tour, “We found
We continued the tour. “We found

*BulletV*“Watch, it’s starting,” she whispers in my ear.

This piece switches from her perspective to his; it gets a little confusing.

*Bullet*Where’s your husband? What happened, Ma’am?”
"Where’s your husband? What happened, Ma’am?”



*NoteR*A few parting comments...

I hope that my comments have been helpful! I did enjoy reading this piece and feel like it has a lot of potential. Let me know once you've edited and I'd be happy to come back and re-rate *Smile*

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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703
703
Review of Ghost Train  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I was searching under the horror genre and this caught my eye!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really good piece! I don't often read poetry but I'm glad I opened this piece. You tell of the terrifying nature of the ghost train at night and it is certainly a terrifying train indeed! You use brilliant description throughout in order to engage the reader and set the scene, including powerful imagery words such as 'tear' and 'roar' it really set the scene.

The poem flows well and the stanza fit together nicely. Well done!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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704
704
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to come and return the review you did for me *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

When I first opened this piece I thought it was fictional and had to double check to find out that in fact, it was one of your real life experiences. As I was reading it I found myself getting engrossed in the story and I couldn't help but feel sympathy for Donna. She's obviously had a difficult life and it hurts to think nobody was there or able to help her *Frown* But I commend you for taking the time out of your day for going to find out whether she was okay and at least talk to her, she may not have shown it but I bet that act of friendship really left a mark on her.

This is a really well written piece, it documents your thoughts and feeling the entire way through. You don't blanch on everything and tell it like it is which is really well done *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* (The term had not been invented yet, but they knew about abuse and it's effects and should have known of it's symptoms. In fact, a few short years later, my sister maintains that school administrators heavily lobbied pregnant females to quit school.

(The term had not been invented yet, but they knew about abuse and it's effects and should have known of it's symptoms.) In fact, a few short years later, my sister maintains that school administrators heavily lobbied pregnant females to quit school.


Here you were just missing the ending bracket.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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705
705
Review of Home Sweet Home  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I was searching the horror genre for something to read when this came up. I think it intrigued me because I wanted to find out what he was infected with...

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man, Charlie, returning home from war. Only he is infected and slowly he is changing, without realising, into a flesh eating fiend. He makes it home and attempts to eat his father before being blown into bits.

*People*Characters: Charlie is the main character in this piece. We follow him as he makes his way steadily home. We feel his confusion setting in, the numbness, the not knowing. He doesn't realise how far gone he is until he reaches his home and his only thought it to eat his father. I felt really sorry for him; him, nor any of his comrades, deserved such a terrible fate.

*Home*Setting: You set the scene well within this, desribing the context and background for the reader to grasp and see where Charlie is.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: For me this piece was full of confusion; Charlie's confusion. He knows something is wrong, that he is changing, but he thinks he can fight it and can return home and have his father fix his problems. As a reader, I knew this was not the case.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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706
706
Review of Bar Flies  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I searched under the horror genre for something to read and this came up. It really intrigued me, possibly because it focused on a sense other than sight which I think is quite different.

*Pencil*Storyline: What an interesting piece! I found it quite short and think I would have liked a little more. I wanted to know what creature this woman was and why she devoured the men. Did she work in the bar? And what was the smell? That's something I would have liked to get to the bottom of.

*People*Characters: The main character tells the story in this piece. She intrigued me but I would have liked to know more about her, i.e. what she was, why she was there, why she chose certain men etc.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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707
707
Review of The Interview  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey this piece caught my eye when I searched under the horror genre and so here I am to read it! The title intrigued me; I wanted to find out what went wrong.

*Pencil*Storyline: Oooh this is a really creepy piece! A woman goes for an interview, she's visibly nervous and when it doesn't go to plan she takes things into her own hands!

*People*Characters: The main character in this story is the woman who is going for the interview. We don't find out her name and while it seems like a small thing, perhaps you could have them calling out her name to go into the office; I think it just adds to her personality. She is certainly a bit of a lose canon; I totally didn't expect that to happen so well done on managing to catch quite a twist there!

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is an interview. You set the scene well allowing the reader to understand how nervous the woman is; it feels natural, just like an interview usually is.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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708
708
Review of Road Trip  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Rachel I'm here to return a review you did for me *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a good spin on the prompt. I think you've come up with a good idea. WE follow Sam who was asleep in bed until Molly knocked her awake at 4am! Sam is unsure but decides to go along with it and packs some clothes. Minutes later, Molly confesses the reason for wanting to run and after making a quick decision, Sam decides to stick by her.

*People*Characters: I have to say that I really like Sam as a character. She seems really down to earth and up for anything. She is also a really loyal friend and willing to stick it out with Molly even though she knows the trouble it can get her into. Molly seems a little more vague, flippant almost, but she is drunk so I think that's excusable. And I have to say I don't think I can blame her for what she did, she felt threatened.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I didn't see the ending coming in this piece. When Molly knocked on the door I felt a sense of excitment, like Molly was drunk and got it into her head that she wanted to go on a road trip. I didn't see the fact that she had accidentally killed her boyfriend. I think more tension could have been built up, perhaps Sam realises that this is so out of character for Molly to knock her awake at 4am or be mortal durnk.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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709
709
Review of It's Too Late  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Anniversary Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm back with another review in honour of your anniversary! I think I chose this piece because each time I've visited your port it's caught my eye, so I wanted to come and check it out!

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a really interesting piece and not at all what I thought it would be! I like that though. We meet Kevin and Osborn who is interviewing him in a police interview room. Osborn wants Kevin to talk but Kevin refuses to say anything or accept an attorney. He seems completely in despair. Then we find out why. He knows the world is going to end in only a few hours and he has lost the will to live.

*People*Characters: Osborn and Kevin are the main characters in this. Osborn seems to play the good cop, offering Kevin time and space to talk. He even turns the microphone off in the hopes that the man will simply talk to him. I like him as a character. Kevin seems to be a bit chaotic, despite his outward appearance of calm. He is aware the world is ending and wants to make the most of his time left, however, I don't agree with his actions! And I think he doesn't either considering he is not the sort of man who would normally do that sort of thing

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is in a police interview room. You set the scene well then focus on the story and dialogue which works well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a sense of urgency about this piece. The world is going to end and suddenly nothing matters anymore. Not to Kevin, not to Osborn.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue in this piece works well, its flows naturally and feels really realistic.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*He looked the part too, neatly dressed, fingernails recently manicured, hair neatly combed and recently trimmed.
He looked the part too: neatly dressed, fingernails recently manicured, hair neatly combed and recently trimmed.

I think I would switch this to a colon because it lists things afterwards (but ignore me if you don't like it!)




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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710
710
Review of How I Became Sum1  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Anniversary Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to stop by and offer a review of two in honour of your anniversary! I think I picked this piece because finding out how people picked their handles and usernames, is something that has always intrigued me!

*Checkg*What I liked:

It was really nice to read this piece and get a sense of where you have come from! I really love your name, I think it's really unique and has a lot of possibilies, just like you said at the end of this piece *Smile* Although you are Sum1 you are a very special Sum1 and mean a lot to the people here on WdC *Smile*

Thank you for sharing this with us!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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711
711
Review of Once Was An Angel  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I'm here with your last review for the Tea Garden *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry but I thought I would give it a go and I'm glad I did. This was a really sweet poem that tells of the love of your grandmother for you and you for her. The affection comes out throughout and you've really shown the reader what sort of woman she is. She seems really sweet and acts just like a grandmother should *Smile* You've captured her personality well!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Who always seen over me
Who always watched over me

The word 'seen' doesn't seen quite right to be here, if you're looking out for someone you don't 'see' over them, you would tend to 'watch' over them.

*BulletB* AT first I was going to suggest adding a word to the repeated line 'Once was an angel' but upon second reading I've discovered it doesn't actually need one! It works well.

*BulletR* I would maybe suggest using more punctuation with this poem, even perhaps at the end of every other line just to separate the thoughts out.



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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712
712
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I wanted to come and return a review you did for me! I think I chose this piece because of the implications it has; often young people are certain groups of people are viewed in a same way but the description of this piece suggests that you move against the stereotype which I like *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man who is a gang leader, a strong man who will do what he can to survive.

*People*Characters: We meet this young man yet don't find out his name. Although this may seem trivial something like finding out his name or what he looks like will help to chracterise him more, although he does seem to have quite a large character anyway! Although it is clear from the way he talks of what he has done in the past, this guy shouldn't be messed with, we also see a softer side when he calls the cops to report a murder. While he is not willing to give himself up to scrutiny he wants to do the right thing. For me that meant a lot and I really liked him as a character.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was the street of this guy's home land. We spend much of it listening to him about the city and what it is like. we then spend a lot of time in the alley which is dark, a place of destruction.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a lot of sadness in this piece mixed with a lot of fear and anger. I think it's well written and conveys those emotions well.

*Checkg*What I liked:

'My neighborhood is rich with prostitutes flashing their wares, homeless sleeping in doorways and junkies searching for their next trip to heaven.'

I like the way you use the word 'rich' to describe this. It really impacted on me because generally these things aren't seen as good but this is just his way of life.

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I find it important to cruise my neighborhood constantly..
I find it important to cruise my neighborhood constantly.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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713
713
Review of "Breathe..."  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Chris, you did a review for me a while ago and I wanted to come and return the favour!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry but this one really got me interested and made me want to read. I think you've managed to capture the need to breathe along with the need to love or be loved really well here. It's like the two are intermingled and one needs the other to survive. I think that's a really nice way to look at it *Smile*

The unstructured way you have written this piece works for the benefit of the poem; it flows nicely and has allowed you to express your thoughts freely. Well done!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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714
714
Review of Rendezvous  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: You did a review for me a while ago and I apologise for taking so long but here I am with a return review!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a nice piece of flash fiction. We meet Anna who has struck up a friendship with a guy called Janos. She wants to meet him. Now, I really like that nothing goes untoward here. Often 'online' friendships are depicted as unreal and that one of the two people has got to be an axe murderer, so for her to wake to find the flowers and a note was really sweet.

*People*Characters: Anna is waiting in anticipation of her meeting with Janos. She is nervous and excited all at once and those emotions come through well.

*Home*Setting: The setting for the piece is the park which she normally finds very tranquill, a place to relax. However, because of her anticipation she is unable to relax.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*As part of her English language course, Anna’s had been exploring the internet.
As part of her English language course, Anna had been exploring the internet.

This doesn't need the apostrophe s here.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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715
715
Review of 796  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey you did a review for me a while ago and I wanted to come and return the favour *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is an interesting piece. You have written what it would be like to be a number, a slave. To be unamed. I can't imagine how that could be but you have imagined it well here. You tell of the oppression the number brings yet the main character still seems to have a lot of spirit and is looking forward to the future.

I did wonder what made you chose the number '796' in particular?

I particularly liked the first stanza of this piece; it really spoke to me and summed the whole poem up for me.

I would suggest that you give this poem a genre instead of 'other' because it will be found on more listings and more people will read it *Smile*

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

716
716
Review of The Painting  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to come and return a review you did for me *Smile* I chose this piece because I tend to prefer fiction and short stories and i t suggested that there was an element of mystery to me!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really powerful story. It tells of a woman who sees a painting in an art gallery and is immediately transported back to the time when it was painted. She feels all of the feelings of the woman in the painting, and we feel all those emotions too as a reader. It strikes me as a piece about regression, about having past lives and remembering bits of those lives from certain prompts or things happening within life. I like it *Smile* I thought there was going to be a little more to it; perhaps our main protagonist has found the love of her life and will remain with him, so something has changed from the 1800s. However, I know you were limited with words.

*People*Characters: The main character in this regresses back to a time when she was in love with a man who she lost to conflict. We feel her pain at that loss but I also feel like we feel the confusion of realising things happened in her previous life too.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was in a museum in France. We don't get a lot of description about the museum itself but it's not necessarily needed for the storyline.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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717
717
Review of DADDY'S SHOTGUN  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to come and return a review you did for me. I think I delved into the folder about your personal experience because I wanted to find out more about you as a person, I hope you don't mind *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

Ann, wow, this is truly an exceptional piece. You've told your story and bared your soul to the reader here, and I commend you for that. It must have been a difficult thing do to, but I can also imagine, that being able to get such a traumatic experience off your chest could have helped to ease the burden a bit.

You are such a strong woman Ann, never forget that. You've come through this trauma and become the fantastic, wonderful woman you are today.

This time in your life, this small slice that you have shared with us, is truly horrific. I felt myself tense as I read it, felt the fear you and your siblings felt as you cowered away from your father. I couldn't stop reading and felt every emotion as you wrote it.

Thank you for being able to share this *hugs*




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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718
718
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I don't often read poetry but this piece spoke to me. I think it might be because of that wonderful metal group, Metallica!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is truly a lamenting poem. It is a very dark piece and speaks of a time that the narrator must face his final bell as it tolls deep into the night. I found the repetition of the words "It's time, it's time," to be really effective. It draws the reader back to the same spot and reminds us of the ballad story. It is an omen, the bell that tolls, signalling the end of life, and I think you've captured the emotion and thought process wonderfully!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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719
719
Review of Holmes & Watson  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm returning a wonderful review you did for me a while ago. I chose one of the 55 word entry ones because I am always amazed when I see people have written these!

*Pencil*Storyline: This short flash fiction encompasses the capture of a criminal mastermind by the genius Holmes and his sidekick Watson.

*People*Characters: I think in even this short amount of words you've managed to capture the essence of the characters, particularly Holmes. Humble as ever *Smile*



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I’ll go quietly, guv’nor”
I’ll go quietly, guv’nor,”

You just need a comma here at the end of the speech.

*BulletB*accolades from his acolyte

I would just say, for me, these words are too similar. Perhaps one of them could be changed?



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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720
720
Review of Monopoly Spies  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: You did a review for me and I wanted to come and return the favour *Smile* I chose this piece because the title and description intrigued me.

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really lovely, heartwarming story. We meet Mr. Sam who, in the war, escaped with the help of a lady who brought around special Monopolgy games. He meets her after a number of years and immediately recognises her.

*People*Characters: Mr. Sam is the main character in this. We see him questioning himself, wondering if he is doing the right thing by putting his possessions into an artifact box in a museum. He's really sweet and all I want to do when he's remembering a traumatic past, is give him a hug. The excitement when he sees that sweet old lady and recognises who she is is astonishing and I felt a real buzz.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is a museum where his possessions will go on display. I'm not sure what museum it is, and though it may not be relevant, it may give a little more context to the piece.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This was a really heartfelt piece. I felt for Mr. Sam as he was remembering his past and went through the emotions he did as he moved on and met the lady who helped save his life. Amazing!



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Brittany had listen to Mr. Sam’s story so many years ago.
Brittany had listened to Mr. Sam’s story so many years ago.


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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721
721
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to come and return a review you did for me. This piece intrigued me because I've often wondered a very similar thing and it's a pretty controversial topic *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a really thought provking piece. I really like the way you switched roles and attitudes, it really helps the reader see how utterly stupid the whole situation is. The fact that people playing a sport get a much higher wage than those willing to risk their lives.

*People*Characters: I like that you did this as an interview, it worked well and allowed us to see both sides. The General is a very flippant man; all he cares about is the safety of his soldiers. Not something we'd be used to seeing. I don't like him at all. Probably very much like I wouldn't like the situation in real life.

Dialogue: The dialogue throughout this piece is realistic and natural. I feel the reporters anger and frustration when he is speaking to the General and I feel his fear when he realises the players must go out and play a game on ice. You really got his character across through the dialogue.

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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722
722
Review of The Club  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I've had this saved in my favourites list for a while because I wanted to come and read it and I finally got around to it last night while I was at work!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really creepy storyline! An old man appears to the band, The Plague, offering them a once in a lieftime opportunity. The band are unable to resist and after reading through the contract they all sign their lives away. They are transported to The club where it is fated for them to live out the rest of their lives.

The ending felt a little anti-climatic to me. Although it was good the way you did it and I liked it, I think because it all happens within a few paragraphs it went by a little too quickly for my liking. I wanted to feel the girls' pain when they were turned to dust, their lives gone. I wante to feel the panic rise, I wanted to see how shocked the band members were. So although it was a good ending I thought a little more description could really add to it.

*People*Characters: Gramps: from the beginnign we know that something is not quite right with this old man. He's out of his depth and in the wrong context; we don't expect to see him where he is because stereotypically, he would not be there. I think that does well to jar the reader. You describe him well and especially towards the end of the story you allude to the fact that he is the Devil with the password on his accound and the fact that you called him the 'goat'. It works well and I think he made a really great character! He was an old man but much stronger than he looked, both physically and mentally.

Johnny: strikes me as the typical self-absorbed, thinks he's better than everyone type of guy adn that it's probably because he is in a band that made it relatively big. He treats the twins in the bus who are nibbling on his ear with bored distaste and I really disliked that. I found him to be quite an unlikeable character because of his attitude; he was too cocky for my liking. So you did well to characterise him and make me not like him!

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was the tour bus where the band seem to spend a lot of their time (as bands do). You describe it well throughotu and allow the reader ot understand the place and context of the story.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Clearly there is something not quite right throughout this piece. As a reader I knew it had to do with the old man who was very out of place, but I couldn't put my finger on why. So well done for keeping the reader intrigued in that way!



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"Did you see that old black guy, sittin' by himself in the center of the front row?
"Did you see that old black guy, sittin' by himself in the center of the front row?"

*BulletB*"When we reach that age we probably won't even have hair. We'll all look like Keith.
"When we reach that age we probably won't even have hair. We'll all look like Keith."


*BulletR*"All right then, Gramps, this is Bonsai, Keith, and you met Paul outside. The ladies are... what are your names again, girls?
"All right then, Gramps, this is Bonsai, Keith, and you met Paul outside. The ladies are... what are your names again, girls?"


*BulletV*"Lynard Skynard. Not the reincarnation. I mean the original lineup before the plan crash.
"Lynard Skynard. Not the reincarnation. I mean the original lineup before the plan crash."


*Bullet*Our manager, Johnny replied, "He's in L.A.,
"Our manager," Johnny replied, "He's in L.A.,



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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723
723
Review of Absolute Horror  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!



*Checkg*What I liked:

The group page looks great, it sets everything out well and allows the people viewing the page to see what is on offer to be a part of the group. You've included group links too which makes it easier for members of the group to navigate *Smile* The sig is really great too, it really suits the page *Smile*

Could I please join your group? I love everything horror too and would like to be a part of it!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

724
724
Review of Trick or Tweet  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I've had this piece in my favourites for a while now, it's something I've been meaning to read but not really got around to. I sometimes shy away from longer pieces but I made myself read and I'm really glad I did. The title to me suggested something to do with horror and technology all mixed in together, and I wasn't disappointed; the title worked for me *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: I found this to be a really original and enjoyable read. As I began through it I didn't think the terrorist attack was actually going to happen, I thought it would be rumour, almost like the whole Y2K thing; I thought hysteria was setting in amongst the members of society. So the fact that it happened was a twist for me and it worked well. It kept me wondering what would happen.

The long sixty five days of survival for these characters felt like a zombie virus survival (that's probably because I read a lot of zombie stories!). But this was refreshing because it wasn't zombies. It was a virus of sorts but in cybr space rather than a physical virus, so I felt like that made it really different.

The world begins to rebuild everything and moves fast. It feels like it's moving too fast and I couldn't help but feel like things would go wrong, like they should have learned from their mistakes. I think at the point when they started getting chips put in their brain did it for me. It wasn't just messing with technology anymore, it was messing with human life and for what, the desire for information? People getting chips simply made them clones (that's how it came across to me) and meant nobody had to really work for anything anymore. Study can be hard but it's certainly rewarding. The ending for me, almost felt like it was a commupence. The human race suffered because they couldn't just leave alone.

The story itself was written well from the point of view of one man; it was thorough and read straight through to allow the reader to understand the whole context.

*People*Characters: John Young comes across as a level headed man, he is adaptable if needed but rather set in his ways. He is highly influenced by his wife Carolyn who insists he joins her in the latest technology. I kinda of felt like he gave in too easy but they were partners so it would have been hard not too. And I guess in a world of increasing technology most people give in eventually...

Carolyn was media obsessed and to me that was quite irritating (probably because I know people like that). She came across as wanting to be online or on her phone or on the latest machine rather than talk to people. That came across from the very start and I did wonder what John saw in her, after all, she was more interested in tweeting her friend thatn talking to him. I found that after everything crashed she becomes a more likanle person, she has more time for her family and indulges in real conversation.

Mark comes across as a natural leader. He is a 'man;y man' and an organiser. When the world crashes he coems into play and plays that role well, organising and leading people. He welcomes people into his home, even strangers, in the face of a crisis. He is compassionate and understanding.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was the world today and the future. Is this really what the world will be like? I can see it happening, people are already obsessed with technology and your story provides the perfect context. Most people now can't get by without technology. While I feel like I'm okay without it (five days at a festival without internet and I didn't even think about it, whereas my friend brought three phones just so she could visit facebook) I do miss it and was glad to get back online.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue in this piece worked well for me, it felt realistic and natural. Plus the narration of the story felt really natural, it flowed nicely.

*Checkg*What I liked:

I loved the term 'information junkies' *Smile*

'I never would have imagined that the loss of our technology would result in us having to defend ourselves from our fellow citizens. It was as if we had regressed hundreds of years in just one week.'

This really sums up my whole feeling about this piece but I think you've captured the reality of the situation well.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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725
725
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Allie, you did a review for me a while ago and I wanted to return the favour. I'm sorry it's taken so long! I chose this piece because I prefer fiction and I wanted to see how you described the girl's feelings.

*Pencil*Storyline: This story tells of Emma, who is wallowing after a bad break up. The world is against her and things seems like they can't get any worse, and then, they get better when she meets Noah.

*People*Characters: Emma is the main character within this. You characterise her so well and also show the reader that her thoughts and emotions are so out of character. I can imagine she's usually a very happy carefree girl but after the break up, everything is so bleak. You take the reader through a myriad of emotions with her and you do it well, I sympathised with her a lot.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This is a really dark piece; Emma is low and it filters throughout the whole piece. You do this well showing her depression. I like the ending though, it brings through new hope and sunshine. I like that.

*Checkg*What I liked:

I really liked the line:

When I staggered into the bathroom, a pale-skinned, repulsive figure glared at me in the mirror, her sleep-ridden hair flying in blonde and purple strands around her head.

I think it really captures the essence of the feelings she has and shows the reader what Emma is going through.

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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