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3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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651
Review of want  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I saw this piece on the newbies reading list and wanted to come and take a look. The genres of the piece drew me in because you describe it as quite dark.


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don'toften read poetry so you'll have to bear with me during this review. The structure of the poem is free with a couplet rhyming scheme, in the first stanza anyway. It conveys the emotions well that she loves you but you don't love her back the way you want to. The emotions in this piece come to the forefront.

While I usually like unstructured pieces, I felt this was a little bit too erratic. I think because some lines were really long compared with other really short lines I found it quite hard to read/ stick to. I think also that while it is unstructured, you could be more consistent with other things such as the use of punctuation. You use it on some lines and not others, particularly where a comma would have fitted it well.

I think this is powerful and the emotions come through raw, well done!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I saw off another peice
I saw off another piece

*BulletB*thought that i had grown
thought that I had grown

*BulletR*I know i have to say it
I know I have to say it





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

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652
Review of Doctor's Orders  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!{c} *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey you did a review for me and I wanted to come and return the favour *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a fun little piece that made me smile! It tells the story of a man with a stomach ache who goes to see a doctor who passes him onto someone else who passes him onto someone else who... and the cycle continues! It was quite nice to read this piece because often, when we're stuck in that perpetual circle, we can't see the funny side of it!

*People*Characters: The main character in this piece is running around trying to get seen to and having no luck with any of the professionals he sees. I know this is a short piece ut it might be worth developing his character a little more, tell the reader his name, let us know what he is about, how he reacts, how he is feeling when he is shipped from pillar to post.

*Home*Setting: WE don't really get a setting to this piece though I can imagine with all of the medical care involved, it's likely to be a hospital! If you want to expand on this piece it might be worth expanding on the setting a little.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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653
653
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse, a very important and useful tool for the average citizen; always important to know!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a fun little piece which details the way that people can adapt in order to survive the zombie apocalypse *Smile* It made me smile as I was reading it. I think you've managed to cover all of the bases necessary to think about and perhaps this should be a handy little tool that everyone keeps in their wallets as a reminder of their plans.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*You need a safe place,
So you can have a place to rest.

You need a safe base,
So you can have a place to rest.


I would just change one of these word 'place' words to something else to avoid repetition.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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654
654
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Summermistress, I'm here with a little review for one of your children's poems.


*Checkg*What I liked:


I think this is a sweet little poem which contemplates the excitement of children on Christmas Eve. As a child it was always one of my favourites days, I savoured the excitement and the thoughts of good times and the presents that would await me the next morning. I often barely slept. And I think this piece really captures that excitement.

I really like that it's a simple poem, it's easy to read in two-line stanzas which I think would be accessible to even children of a young age. The rhymes work well, they're simple and flow nicely. I think I can imagine this little poem being a ditty that children recite. I also really like that you have coloured it red and green, traditional Christmas colours *Smile*

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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655
Review of Twilight  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I think this is a neat little poll. I really love Twilight (and I hate to admit but I'm no longer a teen!) but the love between the two is just so amazing and I can't help but love it! I think for me my favourite was a tie between Bella and Jacob. I think probably Bella because as a woman I would identify with her the most and Jacob because he's just so lovely and protective!

Thanks for a fun little poll! Who's your favourite?

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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656
Review of Fun with Acronyms  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I was looking for something entertaining to keep me going during nightshift and I found this!

*Checkg*What I liked:

I really love the idea of this item. It's seems to be really unique to me, I haven't seen anything else quite like it on writing.com. You ask people to write an anacronym out from a bunch of letters or words that the previous person has written. I really like that you have a no-holds-barred kind of way of doing this because I think it lets the creativity run wild! Though you have been clear about the rules which are posted at the top *Smile* I enjoyed taking part in this and Iw ill be back!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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657
Review of The Fun House  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Tom, I was looking for something under the 'horror/scary' genre and I came across this and couldn't resist! Fun fairs have always kind of creeped me out and I'm sure this will be no exception! I love the image you have used too, helps to set the scene *Wink*

*Pencil*Storyline:Oooh what a really creeepy piece! And perhaps a bad choice to read when I'm alone at work at night.... oops! I really enjoyed this. Following the three lead characters through The Un House was truly terrifying, partticularly when they all got split up.

I have to say I was a little disappointed at Kevin's actions. I thought he would have called the police once he got out but instead, he abandoned his friends and didn't say anything until the next day when teh police were lookig for them. I thought they might have been found but I like that they weren't. It tells the reader that the horror in the fun house was real rather than imagined.

*People*Characters: Johnny, Kevin and Becky were the main characters in this piece. Kevin was telling the story, the main protagonist. He was the oldest of the three friends and he taunted them into agreeing to such a silly adventure. However, when they reached the actual fun house he regretted his decision and almost backed out of it himself; I think the only think that stopped him was the fear of looking silly.

Johnny strikes me as the one in the group who often gets mocked, and not just because of his size. He seems to be an easy target, a push over that Kevin in particular takes advantage of. He is willing to go into the fun house but not without knowing he'll have his friends and back up there. Johnny is left when Kevin goes to save Becky and he isn't seen again.

Becky is the spunky one. She's a girl and younger than both of them but she has a lot of guts. She's not scared of going to the fun house, or so she lets on in front of the guys anyway. She goes where they go without question. I think she's probably a tomboy.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is the old Un House at the all fun fair. I think you've set the scene really well, using vivid description throughout so the reader can see what they're seeing.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a huge amount of tension througout this piece. The tension rises at the beginning when they make their plans to go to the fun house and only continues to mount once they reach it.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue throughout feels realistic, like banter going on between three teenagers.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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658
Review of The Silent World  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I was looking for something to read when I came across this piece. I love readign post-apocalyptic pieces and this caught my eye. I don't usually read poetry so please bear with me!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really dark tale that tells of the end of the world; a post-apocalyptic time when the world is coming to an end. Civilisation is over, there is no one left to grieve. I think you set the scene really well in this piece; it feels dark and negative and makes me wonder about the world now. I think the image you have used work well to conjure things in the reader's mind. I could see this world as you have portrayed it, well done!

I think the stanzas work well as does the rhyming pattern. I'm not sure if you realised but the rhyming pattern changes in four and stays changed for the rest of the poem. It's not a big deal but I often find with writing that keeping consistency is important.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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659
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I was browsing the 'newbies' section looking for something to read when I came across this. The title and the description intrigued me and I wanted to find out what it was about. I would suggest maybe taking out the full stop at the end of the title, I'm not sure it's necessary.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This piece is an inner monologue about a young life that has change so drastically, through no fault of the individual's own. Everything has changed and the people around the individual are to blame. I wasn't sure if you were talking about yourself or someone else in this piece, perhaps that could be made a little clearer.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* they are their to be taken advantage of
they are there to be taken advantage of

*BulletB*when things go wrong they are their to be put up with or mistrusted .
when things go wrong they are there to be put up with or mistrusted.

*BulletR*Have a go arrogant Visits for conversations
Visits for conversations

I wasn't sure about the start of this sentence, it doesn't seem to fit very well.

*BulletV*you're parents no longer exist !,
your parents no longer exist!{ /c}

Here it should be 'your' as 'you're' is an abbreviation of the words 'you are'. Also, you only need one punctuation mark at the end of each sentence.

*Bullet*he'll on earth arrived one night
hell on earth arrived one night

Should this be 'Hell'?

*BulletG*To be judged when you have committed no crime other than to be born and then unjustly assaulted by the people who you are supposed to trust confirms your booking in later life to live with powerful tainted ghosts in your mind, powerful ghosts that cannot be altered despite professional services or the self improving minorities representing a great number of altered souls, to be judged which of course we all disapprove of sharpens the vagueness with which the altered soul sees himself, you see me, you see the things you dislike, you smell the stench of the weak and you tell me so, all of this then defines who I really am as their is nobody around to argue my case.!.

To be judged when you have committed no crime other than to be born, and then unjustly assaulted by the people who you are supposed to trust, confirms your booking in later life to live with powerful tainted ghosts in your mind. Powerful ghosts that cannot be altered despite professional services or the self improving minorities representing a great number of altered souls. To be judged, which of course we all disapprove of, sharpens the vagueness with which the altered soul sees himself, you see me, you see the things you dislike, you smell the stench of the weak and you tell me so, all of this then defines who I really am as their is nobody around to argue my case!


Here I would just say you need to try and split your paragraphs up a little; a lot of them have huge long sentences that I found a little hard to follow.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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660
Review of Death  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I was searching for something to read and came across this piece. I think the title and description really drew me in. I don't often read poetry so you'll have to bear with me!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really raw and emotional piece. Here you tell the reader your feelings on death. You write it out in a poem that details your reasonings for your beliefs. I think it's really well written and I have to say, I think I very much agree with you. I think death is a natural part of life and though it may be hard to embrace in some circumstances, it happens to us all. You encourage the reader to see the positives in a bad situation and I like that.

The poem itself is really well written and expresses your views well; it's really powerful.

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



*NoteR*A few parting comments...

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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661
Review of Alzheimer's  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!



*Checkg*What I liked:

Hey Dagmar, I was perusing the site for something to read when I came across this. It's not often that I read poety, often because I find it hard to understand but I'm glad I opened this. I think it spoke to me on a personal level because there is alzheimers in my family.

The piece is really nicely written and captures the nature of alzheimers really well. I think particularly the last line, 'Of being and not being.' It's exactly how it is for my Grandma too.

Well done on a powerful piece.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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662
662
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I think that this is a great activity! It's a fun way to get everyone involved, spread some community spirit and raise some much needed gift points for your group too *Smile* These pictures are all great and they all lead back to the forum so people can leave messages and chat or just check out what is going on if they're not sure *Smile*

Great idea!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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663
663
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I was looking for something to read when I came across this piece. The title and description intrigued me, then I found out it was a dark piece and it was sold!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a little girl who appears to have no other friends but her teddy bears. She seeks company in them, enjoying their company and whiling the days away. However, not all is at it seems and we find out that in fact, the girl is a woman, a lost soul with memories of a past.

While I quite like this plot line it left me with a few questions, such as, was she a real woman or a ghost/spirit? Why was she trapped in that room? Were there mental health problems involved?

*People*Characters: Poppy was the main character in this and she seems to be a sweet little girl, someone who is lost and needs a friendship, finding it only in her teddy bears.

*Checkg*What I liked:

I think this is a great sentence!

No one else feels for her, only her few friends of plush.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*hands her friend, a cup of tea.
hands her friend a cup of tea.

There doesn't really need to be a comma here.

*BulletB*They play together day after day yet they drink some tea toady.
They play together day after day; they drink some tea today.

I don't think the word yet is needed here.

*BulletR*“No, they don’t, my friend” Poppy speaks to her.
“No, they don’t, my friend,” Poppy speaks to her.

This was just missing a punctuation mark at the end.





Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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664
664
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I came to review this short piece for you because you were asking for feedback.


*Checkg*What I liked:

So far, in these few sentences, you have produced a sense of tension and suspense. We know something has happened but we don't know what. And hopefully, that is what you will continue with. I'd be intrigued to see what comes next!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*And they had nothing to say to each other.
They had nothing to say to each other.

Generally sentences shouldn't be started with 'and'

*BulletB*and they had to go they're separate ways.
and they had to go their separate ways.






Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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665
665
Review of Time Travel.  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I saw this piece highlighted because you're a newbie so I wanted to come and offer you a review. I'm not sure why but when I read the description I assumed it was a fictional piece so I was surprised to find a poem. You'll have to bear with me because I'm not great with poetry!

*Checkg*What I liked:

I really enjoyed reading this. It strikes me as a pessimistic view of the world we live in today. It considers all of the 'bad' things in society including its inhabitants and the state they often live in. We see mention of drugs, poverty, pollution, the 'ism's which are so rife in society. And I have to say, I do agree with you. It often makes me sad to think about the world in this way, because while it has it's bad points, it certainly has good points too. I love the rolling countryside we have here in the Uk, with a rich heritage. That is something good that I love.

I think that although this piece is quite pessimistic, you end it well by saying (as a future person who has travelled back in time) that thiings get better, we return to some sort of normalcy and greenery. I suppose my only question is when and can it happen sooner rather than later!

Your poem asks the reader to think about it's meaning, abotu environmental issues as well as consider what other people are like within society. It has a deep well and you use it, eliciting emotions from your reader.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!







Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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666
Review of What's In a Word?  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Here I am with your final Tea Garden Review *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

I really liked this. I think that although it's a short piece it's written so eloquently and gets your point across really well, that I don't think it needs to be lengthened. Words are so important and can be made to either make someone feel bigger than the world or cut the ground out from under their feet. You're saying here that words should be used for positivity, for gain and to make others feel better about themselves and more confident.

I think the only thing I was wondering is what this piece is for: do you send it out to your members? Is it going to be part of a group challenge?

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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667
667
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I wanted to stop by and learn a little more about DWG at the same time as offering you a Tea Garden Review! So here I am *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

I know that this page is still under construction but you've offered so far, a good introduction to the group, what you do and what people can get involved in. It's all positive and friendly.

You've got the group links at the top which is a great thing to do, it means having everything in one place which makes it easier for the group *Smile*

Please let me know when you manage to finish this, I'd like to come back and learn more!



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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668
668
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Angus, I'm here to offer you a review in return for the kind words you mailed to me in a review this morning *Smile* I think I chose this piece because of the title, it was pretty self-explanatory and made me smile!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Rick and Kevin who get lost while hunting in the woods. They run into an older man named Otis, a true hillybilly type who has lived in the woosd with his brother his whole life. The men end up having to stay the night in their shack because they're lost. Only, when Kevin goes missing the next morning does anything seem truly untoward... and then Rick sees Jake carrying his brother's head!

A very creepy tale. I didn't want to be a judgemental person and tried to assume nothing bad would happen and that the two hillybilly folk were harmless, but of course, I knew they weren't!

*People*Characters: Rick immediately comes across as the stubborn older brother. He won't admit that he's lost, perhaps too much of a manly man to admit it. Kevin is a little bit more sensible and though he wants to trust and believe Rick he trusts his instincts instead and asks for help when it is presented.

Otis and Jake seem like the typical hillbilly brothers. They're living together in an old wooden shack, only venturing into town when necessary. They look identical wearing the same clothing. Otis is the charmer, Jake the one to watch out for it seems!

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was the dense forest where the two get lost. I think that you set the scene well allowing the reader to understand their emotions and the place they are.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"Sorry about that," Rick said. We just weren't expecting
"Sorry about that," Rick said. "We just weren't expecting



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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669
669
Review of Obsession  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I saw this in the left hand side bar and it intrigued me. I think everyone is touched by mental health issues personally or know someone who has and I wanted to read your account.

*Checkg*What I liked:

Okay, I'm guessing you haven't quite finished this yet judging by the way it ends here. I think you've managed to provide a really raw and emotional piece here. I feel what you're feeling for your friend which is concern, sympathy and confusion. You're not sure about the best way to help her or what to say to her.

It sounds like Fiona is certainly going through a really tough time (and in a way she reminds me of me). One way of coping with things is burying your head deeper in the sand and making yourself so busy that you have time for nothing; no time to think. Perhaps that's the way she wanted it. But it seems that she has finally burnt out and broke down. It sounds like she really needs her friend with her right now.


Thank you for sharing this. As someone who has a partner with mental health problems, I know how hard it can be sometimes. You can only do so much, just remember that, you have to take care of you too. But as her friend try to support her as best you can through such a tough time.

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I would suggest that when writing speech by two different people, that it's put onto separate paragraphs to make it a little clearer.




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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670
670
Review of Mr. Bones  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I was searching the horror genre looking for something to read and I came across this. I've always loved school tales so I couldn't resist!

*Pencil*Storyline: :O What a terribly creepy story! A teacher, Mr. Bones, is not all that he seems at all. Miss Thorpe realises something is terribly wrong and goes to he rescue of the children only to find it was all a ruse and she is murdered right in front of the children who are learning about death! Very creepy indeed!

*People*Characters: Miss Thorpe and Mr Bones are the main characters in this piece. Mr. Bones comes across as a strange and twisted teacher. He shows them things that nobody would want to show a child; he teaches them about death, something a child should never have to face. Miss Thorpe is very brave in the face of danger. She runs after the children intent on saving them from the infliction he is causing, only to meet her doom.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is in the school and then the cemetary. You describe them well allowing the reader to see the places the characters are.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This is definately creepy with a lot of tension. I didn't see the ending coming, didn't expect him to be teaching them about death, and especially didn't expect her death. You use description really well.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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671
Review of Hunted  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I was perusing the horror genre looking for something to read when I spotted this. I think the title already tells a lot but perhaps adding to the description would be beneficial as then a potential reader could make a better informed choice as they would have more idea of what it's about. I always think of it as a mini blurb *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a really interesting piece. It's about a man who is hunted by some unknown creature but he realises he is able to retaliate by doing exactly what the monster is; hunting it. While this is a good piece I didn't really feel like it was very climatic. I was expecting details of the final assault or of the monster. I found myself wanting to know what or who the monster was.

*People*Characters: The main character is the one narrating they story and we don't know anything about them. I've made the assumption it's a man, we don't know name, gender, age, appearance or personality. I think that would help to characterise the person and make the reader really stick on their side as they fight the monster.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece was creepy and you certainly did well to set the tone but I feel like some more description of the monster and what it was would have added to that.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*breaths hot rancid breath
breathes hot rancid breath


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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672
672
Review of Wraith  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I also spotted this piece in your port when I came to check it out and I wanted to read it!

*Pencil*Storyline: In this short piece of flash fiction you've done well to introduce the beginnings of storyline as well as a high amount of tension. It left me wanting more!

*People*Characters: The man is the main character in this story and I think while you've started to develop his character well that perhaps giving him a name would be something of a benefit. I always find it quite hard when I do a review and have to write 'the man' or 'the woman' and I think it would just add to his personality. He is terrified by the wraith that has appeared before him, he is trembling and unable to move.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is the man's bedroom in the dark of the night. I don't think you said this in as many words but I think it's great I've been able to get that information from what you have shown the reader. You use a lot of great description in order to let the reader see the wraith as he does and experience the voice.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: You build tension well in this piece through your use of description and dialogue *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*you to know of my existance
you to know of my existence



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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673
673
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Jetman, you did a review for me and I wanted to come and return the favour, so here I am! I think I chose this one because of the dark imagines the title invoked for me *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a really interesting piece. It tells the story of an unknown woman who, after seeing four drunken thugs set about a defenceless woman, comes to her rescue.

I think the story is well written, well paced and flows nicely. It is written in almost in a way of a time long since passed but it works well and I think it adds to the story.

*People*Characters: Annemarie was the main character in this piece. We see her first as an unknown woman and right from then, we know she is kick-ass! She's the dark and broody type, a loner and happy to be so. But she is humble and respectful and will not tolerate abusive behaviour. I like her; the early feminist *Smile*

*Home*Setting: The setting is a small town in a darkened alleyway. I think you have set the scene really well, allowing the reader to be there but perhaps giving a date or a place name would be more beneficial in adding to the context.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece was fast-paced and full of action. We see Annemarie taking a no nonsense approach, dealing with the four men swiftly and with expertise. You build up the suspense well using a lot of description and a combination of short and longer sentences.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*, their clothes stained with grease from food and stained with wine and beer, hey laughed and chortled
, their clothes stained with grease from food and marred with wine and beer, they laughed and chortled

There were just a small typo here and I think I'd change the second 'stained' for something else.

*BulletB*He swayed, though she could tell her was slightly less drunk
He swayed, though she could tell he was slightly less drunk



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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674
674
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! This is another review from your Nuclear package with the Power Reviewers! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I don't read a lot of non-fiction but your folder about your travels intrigued me, possibly because I would like to travel myself. I saw this piece and it really appealed to me. I like getting away to remote places and enjoy the solitary nature it can bring, so here I am to read your tale!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This piece had me hooked. You use a lot of brilliant description to show the reader what it looks like, what they could expect when visiting such a solitary and beautiful place. You've walked the reader through a typical holiday at the cabin including the relaxing and independant nature of it. We learn about what a typical day could be and how lovely and solitary it is all of the time. It's not far from other places where you feel able to go and explore and have your own adventures with your family. It sounds like a place I would absolutely ADORE! Unfortauntely, being in the UK, I'm not really sure we have such beautiful and solitary places.

I like the way you wound it down too, telling us that though your children have grown and perhaps moved on, newer generations will be there soon so you can journey to the mountains once more *Smile*

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

675
675
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! I am here with a review as part of your Nuclear package from the Power Reviewers! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I think I chose this piece because I prefer reading short stories and starting at the beginning was an obvious choice! I don't often read sci-fi so I decided that it would be good to expand my boundaries a little and so I opened up the first chapter!

*Pencil*Storyline: I feel like you've opened up the story really well in this piece. It's almost like a prologue, introducing the reader to the context, setting and characters. I feel like we glean a lot of information here. We learn of three agents of the Federation, Ned, John and Rona. All are different. We kind of follow them along in this piece, finding out about them and the beginnings of the plot which works well.

*People*Characters: We first meet Ned and John who we find out are as close as close can be. They're friends as well as colleagues. Nedi s quite prejudiced and put out when he realises one of the latest dangerous missions has been tasked to Rona, a girl. It becomes quite clear he is at least a little bit sexist and doesn't expect a woman to be able to do the same sort of work. John is on the fence, he knows Rona and knows what she is capable of so he sticks up for her.

Rona seems to be a really unusual character. She had a really different upbringing, travelling with her family, spending time with different strangers, hearing their tales of woe as well as their happy times. SHe's really unique. You describe her really well and allow the reader to see her in their mind.

*Home*Setting: I think I'm aware that this piece is set slightly in the future (cars doing 200 miles an hour are a rare occurence here!) and a lot of it is set with the Federation, under water and in all parts of the world.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*10-minute drive
ten-minute drive

Numbers under 100 are usually written out fully in text.

*BulletB*“Oh yeah, sure! See you tomorrow, John"
“Oh yeah, sure! See you tomorrow, John."

The ending punctuation was just missing from the end of the speech here.

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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