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3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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751
751
Review of In The Dark  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I saw that you won in today's Daily Slice and wanted to come and check out this piece!

*Pencil*Storyline: The story worked really well for me. You used a lot of vivid description to set the scene and portray all of the senses to the reader; he was barely able to see in the darkness but he could hear and smell and you used that to your advantage to build up the suspense. I think the very end was a surprising twist; I didn't expect to learn that he'd been fed like a lamb to the slaughter and it was a great ending to the story.

*People*Characters: Jeff comes across as a hardy character; he's clearly terrified of what awaits him in the darkness but under orders (and possibley suffering from his own pride) he ventures anyway. He seems to stay quite calm throughout, right until the weird things begin happening anyway!

*Home*Setting: The setting was the stairway that led down into the darkness. You followed the prompt to a T and I could see it all through your great use of language.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a heavy foreboding atmosphere throughout that kept me reading and wanted to find out what was going to happen.

*BurstR*Dialogue: There wasn't a lot of dialogue but the amount there was felt good, it fitted nicely and was realistic.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*as the light shown on--he didn't know what.
as the light shone on--he didn't know what.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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752
752
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I saw the link for this item in the online authors spot and really wanted to come and see what it was about. While I don't think I'm too bad with punctuation I always feel like I could do with a refresher and was wondering how I go about joining?

I think the page is straight forward, it shows the reader exactly what they can expect and what is expected of them which is great!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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753
753
Review of Demons Ago  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: The description of this piece really intrigued me; I wanted to see what climate change could actually do, global warming is awful but I wanted to see what else it would bring...

*Home*Setting: A modern day creature story, caused by the irresponsibility of humans and global warming.

*Checkg*What I liked:

'Waiting for spring. Waiting to hunt. Waiting to multiply.'

I think these short sentences work well to make the reader read faster and encapsulate what you want to say in a short time.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This was a well written piece, exploring the forces of nature and the effects it could have on the environment. It's true that global warming is something caused by us but what could the consequences be, apparently more terrible than we ever imagined! The description you use throughout is great allowing the reader to see the beast as it wakens and begins to feast and reproduce. You leave it on a cliffhanger too, leaving the reader to wonder what happened next which really worked for me!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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754
754
Review of Numb  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I think I chose this piece because of the title and description; I was interested to see how you would describe the car wreck and what would come of it.

*People*Characters: The main character within this is the woman in the car wreck. We learn of her strength throughout this piece, how she battles onwards through her painful and terrifying ideal.

*Home*Setting: The setting is a car wreck and we see this in such immaculate detail it's unreal. You set the scene really well using a variety of vivid desription to allow the reader to see the scene as well as understand the other things that are going on. I almost felt like I was there with the rain on my face and the flashing lights of the sirens behind me.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a strong atmosphere of fear and pain; we could see she was terrified and stuck in a horrifying situation. I didn't expect the twist at the end but thought it was really well done.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

I think this is a really well written piece. You've given intent focus on the car crash and detailing the scene to help engage and keep the reader involved; I almost felt like I Was there which worked really well. Well done!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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755
755
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: The title and description intrigued me for this piece; they left me wondering what it was about, and so, I came to find out! I saw this prompt but didn't really have time to come up with anything but this is a really good, gruesome piece!

*People*Characters: Renee and the doctor are the two main characters within this piece. We see Renee laughing at first at the headlines that adorn the paper, skeptical. She doesn't put two and two together when she has something niggling at her throat for a week (but I suppose, being a skeptic she wouldn't) and succumbs to the bug. We see her personality completely change when the bug takes over and you handle that well. The doctor seems like a very cheery chap, especially at the end of the long day and I have to say, I wish my doctor was like that! He comes across as really compassionate and caring, someone really suited to that job which is great! Yet he understands survival and does everything he can to save himself.

*Home*Setting: The setting is the doctor surgery; we see it and it's just like I imagine it would be.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was an atmosphere of tension throughout, aliens does sound a bit over the top but then, what do we know...? It was something just as creepy!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This is a sufficiently creepy short story! It really made my skin crawl, especially the ending when the bug crawls from her throat, ewww! hehe. You use a lot of vivid description to set the scene and atmosphere within this and it works well, well done!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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756
756
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The Storytellers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Tea Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I think for me it was always Jafar. I loved the Aladdin series but Jafar just seemed to unbelievably evil! He was never happy (except when getting his own way) and he was controlling, willing to make people his puppets. I have to say though, I don't think I've watched all of these films so perhaps I'm biased!

Great to see a poll that considers both genders in this *Smile*



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Tea Garden:

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757
757
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Tea Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I think for me, it was always Ursula. I don't know though, I think it may have been the physical shape she took, I think being an octopus type creatures with many legs she could do what she wanted as she glided along the floor of the sea. And the ending, when she rose to terrifying heights, always scared me!

Good idea for a poll!




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Tea Garden:

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758
758
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Tea Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!



*Checkg*What I liked:

I think for me it's always about psychological horror, it really gets under my skin and really creeps me out. I think its about what you can't see in a person, the part that is hidden that is scary, it could be someone that you're really close to and you don't know about their hidden side. So yeah *Smile* I do love a good old fashioned zombie horror too though!

What is your answer? Great idea for a poll, looks like you've got all the bases covered. I did a module of slasher films when I studied film a few years ago, that was fun!




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Tea Garden:

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759
759
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I was checking out the items of the Rising Stars because I've heard a lot and I came across a link for the Angel Army. Like the Rising Stars, I've heard of the Angel Army but not had a lot of time to find out about what the group does. But now I'm glad I have, it certainly sounds like something I want to be involved with!

So could you please add me to the group and point me in the right direction?! hehe.

The page itself is well done, it's clear and allows the reader to see what the Angel Army is all about *Smile*


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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760
760
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I just saw that someone I know got made a rising star and I wanted to come and check out what it was about. Of course, I've heard of Rising Stars but didn't know a lot about what it was. And I have to say finding this piece has been wonderful, you've provided a really insightful tour of what it's like in the Rising Stars, what else is affliated with it and all of the fabulous work that goes on behind the scenes, really great to see *Smile*

Thank you for sharing this with us and all of your hard work!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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761
761
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: The title and description of this piece intrigued me, I wanted to se what your solution to world hunger or povert could be!

*People*Characters: I woud say that there are no actual characters in this piece; it's written from the point of view of the narrator in a rather passive voice, describing what the hunger games could entail.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I think that though this is a satirical piece and remains so throughout, by doing so you've managed to highlight the issues of poverty in around 25% of the world, showing a Westernised culture how much they have compared to such places.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

         *BulletG*we figure they most likely wont last much longer

The word 'won't' should have an apostrophe

we figure they most likely won't last much longer

*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This is a well written piece and is certainly satirical but you manage to highlight what you have intended.

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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762
762
Review of Journey To Hell  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to come and see what the Journey to Hell could be for you; I think it's a great title and really grabbed my attention. Also the description really complimented it, I feel like they worked well together.


*Checkg*What I liked: It was really interesting to find out about what you thought living in a large (or joined) family would be like. You made the assmption before it happened that it would be awful, that perhaps you would be drowned out or that you would not get on with the other people. However, this piece shows that as you've gone through the experience, keeping an open mind, you have learned that living in a large family has its advantages and was not as ad as you originally thought. I like the wa you've described the good with the bad, because everything has elements of those and you haven't sugar coated it which I think is important.

I think for me it was also intereting to hear about your experience of arrange marriage. I'm from a Western culture where usually arrange marraiges aren't normal practice, so it was interestig to hear of your experience of this.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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763
763
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I came to return the wonderful review you did for me! I think I chose this piece because along with a mob of teenage girls, I am indeed in love with the vampire craze that has dawned on society! I wanted to find out who your favourite vampire is *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

I really loved this piece!! On one level it's been so long since I read someone's opinion/analysis of a book that I really enjoyed that aspect of it. It was great to see what you thought of certain things, particularly the titles of each of the books.

On another level, I think you've managed to sum up everything that I think in my head, that I could not. I think Bella too would be my favourite vampire and I think it's because of that unconditional love that takes over the story. And I have to admit, I feel a little jealous of!

I really enjoyed reading this, it took me back to the books and helped me remember, particularly the last one. I think I may have to pick them up once again... let me ask, did you enjoy the films too?


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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764
764
Review of The Collector  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: The title and description of this piece intrigued me, I think particularly because it's one of the seven deadly sins! I remember seeing that prompt and not coming up with anything and I wanted to see what you wrote *Smile*

*People*Characters: Jimmy is the main person in this story (and forgive me if I'm wrong but I got a very striong sense of de ja vu when reading this! Did you write something from Suzi's pov when she was running through the woods away from him?) He comes across as quite a slow witted man, he is primarily focused on one thing; his precious treasures. Creepy!

*Home*Setting: The setting was in some dark part of his house, probably when he tortures innocents to get his precious treasures.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a really strong atmosphere of suspense throughout this piece. you had used a lot of description (and vivid description at that) to create this eerily suspensful story, it really creeped me out!



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

         *BulletG*He’d been down here thousands of times before,

I think because your story is written in the past tense, this should be 'there'

He’d been down there thousands of times before,

         *BulletB*In her state she mouth hung open,

I think this should be 'her'

In her state her mouth hung open,


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This is a well written story, it's full of suspense and kept me shivering the whole time! *Smile*

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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765
765
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to stop by and say hi and Happy Anniversary! I thought I'd come and read something that is different for me (and science fiction is certainly that!) I wanted to see how you crossed sci-fi with the rural setting of the country *Smile*

*People*Characters: Mythos and Manson are the two main characters within this. We learn that they're not from Earth and that they can in fact shape shift which is interesting!

*Home*Setting: A lot of the setting is on a farm where the two characters are waiting in the form of horses, for their chance to retrieve the sphere and finish their quest.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This is a well written short story *Smile* I think I would have liked a little bit more description about what they were doing any why, but I understand it may be short for a reason *Wink* Well done!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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766
766
Review of The Box  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: The title and description of this piece really drew me in. You left me wondering what was in the box, what were the three translations, would it affect their lives?! I couldn't not read!

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a really strong tension throughout this piece. We follow the dying man's last moves and learn of the box he holds, of the secret is possess. Then we learn it is placed in a museum... but will that be the end of it?


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This was a well written piece, it draws the reader into an intricate world involving an evil legacy, one which can have traumatic affects. I assume that you're not finished writing this piece? I would like to see more of it and find out exactly what the box does and has done.

I liked the way you started and ended this piece with the scent of lavendar, it worked well!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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767
767
Review of Pallor  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Well it's been a few days or so but here I am again, hoping to get a bit more of this wonderful piece you're writing. I can't wait to find out what happens next!

*People*Characters: We meet Peter in here, a new character. It took me a while to understand that he was the older brother of the three smaller children. I guess I thought since the chapter was about Peter it would start with him, but it in fact started with Lindy and Roger who were hiding. Peter seems like a really determined character.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was a place they were hiding, away from the dogs which seems to pose a brand new threat to any survivors because they are so vicious and adept at hunting. The thought terrified me!

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a huge amount of tension in this piece which kept me reading and reading! I felt terrified of the dogs that were chasing the children.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

         *BulletG*“They can smell us!” lindy frantically whispered,

Here Lindy needs a capital letter and the end needs a full stop.

“They can smell us!” Lindy frantically whispered.

         *BulletB*“They can’t get in” Roger said,

Here you need a comma after the speech

“They can’t get in,” Roger said,

         *BulletR*“Oh shit” Roger said,

This just needs a comma after the speech.

“Oh shit,” Roger said,

         *BulletV*three little bodies sprung into motion/

Just a small typo here, a backslash in stead of a full stop!

three little bodies sprung into motion.



*NoteR*A few parting comments...

Another good chapter in your novel series, I can't wait to see the next ones. It's drawign the story on and letting the reader in on more! Well done *Smile*

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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768
768
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I love Alice in Wonderland so this really intrigued me and I really wanted to read it! Maybe in the description you should put a little more about what the story is to hook more readers.

*People*Characters: Alice, and the rabiit Humprey, are the main characters in this piece. We see the rabbit being just as rude and grumpy as I remember him to be but Alice seems different, possibly today's teenager

*Home*Setting: The setting was the rabbit hole that Alice fell down, however, we didn't get much look at what was there, or what she could see. We mainly followed the story (which works fine but I think I would have had a little more detail about the setting)


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

         *BulletG*Somehow I don’t think he appreciate the question.

I think you need the word 'would' in here

Somehow I don’t think he would appreciate the question.

         *BulletB*“Oh don’t get you panties in a twist,

This should be 'your'

“Oh don’t get your panties in a twist,

         *BulletR*you could find yourself I the most

This should be 'in'

you could find yourself in the most


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This was a good piece, reminiscent to Alice in Wonderland of Lewis Carroll. I think for me, there were similarities in too many places. Although it's quite clear this is different, especially in that Alice is a really different character, we see her falling through the rabbit hole after following a rabbit who has a very important date... it's not until a bit later in the story that we get to grips with the new character.

I think as well I have to say, I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to see what was behind the door! It felt a little anticlimatic because it's what your story lead to.

Juts a thought *Smile*

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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769
769
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I was interested in reading this piece because I often struggle with ideas for writing even when I have the urge to write, so wanted to come and see what advice you could give me!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a clearly set out and well written piece *Smile* I like the way it's set out because it makes it clear and easy to read with the titles and bits in bold and then the points in bullet points underneath that; I found it really easy to follow.

I think you've offered some really great advice here. I think particularly the bit about keeping a notebook and writing down any idea you have; I have found that I've had ideas late at night and not bothered to write it down because I haven't had a notebook at hand, and of course the idea has been gone by sun up.

I think I really benefitted from the ideas about names because I tend to struggle with that; sometimes a name will just hit me and I have to have it but other time I really have to work at it and search.


*Cut**Paste*I didn't have any suggestions to make!


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This is a really well written piece! It's clear and concise and offers a lot of advice for writers who may be in a bit of a slump *Smile*

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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770
770
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I always like to hear somebody's thoughts and opinions and so this piece really interested me! It was going to tell me what you were thinking right now which made it seem to have some sort of urgency. So I came to read!


*Cut**Paste*A suggestion I had:


         *BulletG*I think taking the time to write everyday is always good practice (if you stick to it *Wink* However, I would maybe suggest if you're going to keep this up, it will take up a lot of port space if you always made separate documents. Maybe you could create a book or a blog in which to store all of your random thoughts like this? It would also keep it all in one place *Smile*



*NoteR*A few parting comments...

I think you've done well to begin writing without the actual thoughts of anything surfacing in your mind. You've just gone with it so it presents as a stream of consciousness which I find works well. You introduce the reader to your reasoning behind using such a practice and then continue on in the same vein. Maybe it might be a good idea to read back through your entries after a few days to see if it brings any inspiration for writing!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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771
771
Review of Vampire Love  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey!

This is a Brainstomers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I really wanted to come and read this because I love anything with vampires (it seems, just as much as you do!) I was also really interested in reading about the love between another vampire and a human

*People*Characters: There are two characters within this piece; the vampire and the human. We are able to see both points of view throughout, feel the love that they have for each other. It is clearly a mutual feeling and I really love the affection that flows from this piece.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I like that this poem is about romance, the love between a vampire and human, rather than the horror element which comes so often with vampires stories. I think you've captured their affection for each other really well, allowing the reader a glimpse into their lives and their longing.


*Cut**Paste*I don't have any suggestions to make!


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This is a really well written piece which shows the love between a vampire and human. I can clearly feel the affection coming from both of them. The poem flows nicely with each free style stanza fitting together to tell the story of the two lovers, well done!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Brainstomers Group:
772
772
Review of Emotionally Ill  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Tea Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I read a review in which someone reviewed this piece and it really intrigued me, so I came to read!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really emotionally charged poem. In it, I feel like you've managed to convey the raw power of emotion that has consumed you. You tell the reader that you're 'sick-ing' for love and attention. That is something that can drive a person crazy and I believe everyone deserves to have love and attention.

Your poem is well structured, each of the stanzas fit nicely together and they flow as one piece, making it easy to read. The emotions in this piece are raw and come across really strongly.

You use a lot of description to show your distress in the situation and I really wish I could give you a hug *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Tea Garden:

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773
773
Review of LISTENING POST  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: The title and description of this piece really drew me in. I wanted to see the world you had created *Smile*

*People*Characters: The two main characters within this piece are Dana and Odin. I feel like I've really become to know them throughout. Dana seems to be a strong willed person. I also think she hides or pushes away a lot of emotion, after all, it seems she's lost most of her family and friends and that is why she's doing the job she's doing. I don't read a lot of sci-fi and so Odin came across as something really different to me. I like that you've made him a cross between robot and human and think you've done really well to characterise him. He seems predominantly robotic and follows his orders/computer chip the way he would and should. But I also see human elements, the pauses, the fact that he has opinions and listens to Dana even when he thinks she's wrong.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece was entirely on the ship. I think you've described it well and I really understand how small it is. It seems barely livable to me but I suppose if Dana can induce a sort of coma she can sleep for most of the time while Odin puts out his feelers. I really like the way you describe it as being a sort of looking open front so it looks like space stretches out forever before them; it helped me visualise it.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue between the two characters feels really realistic. I think Odin speaks just the way I think he would, being half robotic. It's quite formal speech but it suits him.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

         *BulletG*and laugh just like before she left them to attend college on Earth.

I think this has a word missing. I would suggest:

and laugh just like before when she left them to attend college on Earth.



*NoteR*A few parting comments...

I think this is a good piece. It's a well developed story with two really developed characters. I felt like I was able to get to rgips with them as people and see how they worked together. The story was great, most of it taking place within their small ship. I think you've done really well to managed to keep it confined to that.

I think I really like the idea of bio-imbalance but I think I would have liked a bit more of an explanation about it. I think I got it but you didn't really explain it that that might help (especially for people like me who don't often read sci-fi!)

But well done on a good write, you had me hooked throughout (and those green space bugs were EVIL!)

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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774
774
Review of Pallor  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm back! Your piece has got me hooked and can't wait to keep reading (though I notice it hasn't been updated in a while and hope you're still working on it!)

*People*Characters: We get to know Lindy and Mr Clark (or Roger as we can now call him) a lot better in this chapter. We find out that Lindy is a really brave person, she is willing to risk her life to save the small boy and goes down without a plan. I have to commend her for that. On the other hand, Roger is a bit of a coward (or is that unfair to say? It's a scary thing to do!) but he seems resourceful and beginning to show his true colours when he figures out a way out

*Home*Setting: The setting is in two different apartments. We don't get a lot of scenery description but I think that's fine because you're moving the story forward, plus we saw the apartments in the last chapter Lindy and Roger were in.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Again this chapter is full of suspense, of what is coming next. You've done well to use description and realistic dialogue to make this scene feel real and terrifying. Well done.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

         *BulletG*Poor lindy was making her way down that fire escaping

Small typo here, this should be 'escape'

Poor lindy was making her way down that fire escape

         *BulletB*Up stairs

Should be all one word...

Upstairs

         *BulletR*This apartment was bigger then her own.

This is in the part where we're hearing Lindy's story; mostly that's all written in the present tense but this makes it revert back to the past. I would suggest:

This apartment is bigger then her own.

         *BulletV*climb back upstairs towards Mr. Clark;s smiling face.

Small typo here, there's a semi colon instead of an apostrophe

climb back upstairs towards Mr. Clark's smiling face.

         *Bullet*Most of them looked severly injured,

This should be 'severley'

Most of them looked severley injured,

         *BulletG*“I have lived here for a long time Lindy, I think I know how to leave” Roger said at last.

There should be a comma at the end of Roger's speech

“I have lived here for a long time Lindy, I think I know how to leave,” Roger said at last.

         *BulletB*I would also suggest making sure you're consistent with your line spacing and indentations of paragraphs. Anything you like it fine as long as you're consistent.


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

Another good chapter of the Zombie novella (though I noticed you say it's only half done), it follows on nicely from the others, and moves the story forward as it should. We're beginning to see more of the personalities of the characters and I love that. Well done!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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775
775
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: The title and description of this made me want to read. I think Dahlia is a great name and you've made it intriguing. The description suggets that she has everything she could want but still she'd not happy, it makes me wonder why or what makes her tick.

*People*Characters: Dahlia is the main character within this piece and she strikes me as being quite a ruthless person, despite appearances. She is willing to kill her husband because why, she is bored? That's the impression I get. I really wonder what makes her tick and would definately be interested in finding out.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: The tone throughout was of Dahlia's boredom, her perfect life in which she was not happy. There was also an undercurrent of something not being quite right (which came out when she murdered her husband!)


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

This looks like a good start to the short story. You've really captured my interest with this character and I can't wait to see more of her, see what happens and where she goes from now *Smile*

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers Group:

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