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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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551
551
Review of What Can You Do?  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here to offer you a review in return for the one you did for me! I chose this piece because it interested me. I work in a hostel and so work closely with homeless people so it's a subject close to my heart.


*Checkg*What I liked:

I thought this was a fictional piece when I first began to read it. The way the piece is laid out and the way you write, makes it sound like a story. Not that that's a bad thing. You're actually campaigning for more people to help the cause of homelessness because it's a huge problem, and I say well done to you for that. The story of Kevin is one that adds to the atmosphere of the piece and gives the reader a reason to begin to make that difference. I think your portray him and his story well and it elicits the response you hope for from the reader which is important.

I like the way you end this piece: Someone out there needs you. It's so true and it doesn't take much, like you say *Smile* Thank you for sharing this!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*The shop windows glitter and twinkle with delicacies and treasures so heavenly, Kevin has to turn away for the knot that forms in his stomach.
The shop windows glitter and twinkle with delicacies and treasures so heavenly Kevin has to turn away for the knot that forms in his stomach.

No comma is needed here.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
552
552
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Fall Raid Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I saw this fab activity and just had to stop by with a little review.

*Checkg*What I liked:

I think the idea for this activity is such a good idea! It will raise some much needed funds for fabulous groups and does it while supporting writers of NaNo *Smile* A great thing if you ask me! You've set the page out so well and explained it so that it is all clear and concise *Smile* Thank you for hosting this activity!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
553
553
Review of 31st of October  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Raid Fall Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Elena! I'm here to offer you a review of this piece in recognition of the Power Raiders Fall Raid and as part of the Nuclear package you were gifted *Smile* I don't read much poetry but this piece certainly caught my eye with the Halloween theme!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I think this is a really well written and atmospheric piece. You open with a stanza that really sets the scene including the sounds and sights of Halloween and go on to describe the whole scene through the night. You offer a little bit of creepiness in the stanza about the eyes that watch (it made me shiver!) and continue onto the antics of Halloween. For me, it feels like a really well rounded poem that captures the essence of All Hallows Eve and everything that goes with it!

I think the stanzas all flow nicely and work together in a good rhythm to keep the reader hooked and reading which is great. I think the only thing I might suggest is using a little more punctuation, but then, I don't think too much as it would take away from this piece!

You wrap it up with a nice conclusion and leave the readers wanting more! Well done!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
554
554
Review of The Ragman  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is an Angel Army Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm back again for another look at a character you remember from your childhood: the Ragman. I know what a ragman is, though I cannot claim to have met one. I'm looking forward to seeing how your ragman was!


*Checkg*What I liked:

You have a really wonderful way of recounting memories *Smile* You tell this piece with a nostalgia that you are fond of, a memory of a person and his horse, selling his trade as he passes. You describe him in intricate detail so that a reader who has never seen (nor heard) of the ragman, will know what he is. It makes me sad that he seemed to be a sad man. I'm not sure why but my opinion is that they are jolly, rather like ice cream men! But nevertheless, this is a great account and thank you for sharing it *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Angel Army:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
555
555
Review of John  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is an Angel Army Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm back again. I've been searching through several of your folders and the one about the people in your family has intrigued me. I wanted to come and read this piece because of the nature of it and the want to get to know more about you.


*Checkg*What I liked:

Barbara, I am so sorry for your loss. I do not have children of my own and cannot begin to understand the pain of losing one so young in his life, and for that I am sorry. But I want to thank you for sharing this piece. It is an amazing account of a tragic time in your life that brought tears to my eyes as I read. You are a strong woman to come so far and I can only hope that the pain of losing your son has begun to lessen *Suitheart*


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Angel Army:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
556
556
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Jim, I saved this in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by. I don't normally read in the fantasy genre but I'm trying to expand my horizons and the title of this piece intrigued me.

*Pencil*Storyline: I think so far so good. It strikes me that the very first bit is a prologue, kind of giving the reader an idea of the life and times this takes place in and introducing the context. I that's really well done.

The plot begins to move along at a good pace, introducing the characters when necessary.

*People*Characters: Pwyll seems to be the main character so far. He was the leader before he left (for a reason unknown) and is following his desire.

*Home*Setting: I think you set the scene well in the beginning giving the reader an idea of context.

}


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*As leader and man he was thought to be the one who could unite the tribes and bring peace to the land.
As leader and man, he was thought to be the one who could unite the tribes and bring peace to the land.

*BulletB*During this time many died and more were made slaves. The lucky, only stripped of their lands and titles.
During this time many died and more were made slaves, the lucky only stripped of their lands and titles.

*BulletR*It was the Fire Witch who captured is soul and every intelligent man knows, when a virgin has your soul; it is time to leave.
It was the Fire Witch who captured is soul and every intelligent man knows, when a virgin has your soul, it is time to leave.

*BulletV*One did not hurry home when caring so much guilt.
One did not hurry home when carrying so much guilt.

*Bullet*," Easy old friend, I hear them".
,"Easy old friend, I hear them."

All speech should have the ending punctuation mark inside the quotation mark.

*BulletG*That's done, the bond is steal forged.
That's done, the bond is still forged.

*BulletB*" What a modest fellow he is in your presents.
" What a modest fellow he is in your presence.

In this case the other spelling of presence is needed.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
557
557
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is an Angel Army Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Zooly, my name is Jo and I'm stopping by with a little review of this piece on behalf of the Angel Army as you are one of this month's spotlighted authors! (Whew, that was a long sentence!)


*Checkg*What I liked:

I have to tell you, I'm really glad I decided to stop on this piece! I think it was the title that grabbed my attention (after the TV series) but it was certainly very different from that! I like that you took the time out of your day to create a static to have a little rant about a couple of things that royally pissed you off! I agree with the whole letter thing. I myself am still quite young and I tell you something, I know how to send a letter. I used to work in admin and most of my job was sending out letters! But I can do it all by myself too :) and thank you for sharing your awful experience with Jude Law, I think I would avoid speaking to him now knowing what a stiff he is!

Honestly though, your thoughts brought a smile to my face! Thank you for sharing.






Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Angel Army:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
558
558
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is an Angel Army Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Joanna I'm Jo (of the Joanne variety) and I'm here to offer you a review of this piece on behalf of the Angel Army as you are one of this month's spotlighted authors! I chose this piece because I tend to prefer reading fiction to poetry and the title drew me in.

*Pencil*Storyline: I'm guessing this is till a work in progress. Nevertheless, so far so good. You introduce the main character who is also the narrator of the story and star at the beginning and give a lot of information.

*People*Characters: The main character is Jillian, the narrator and it looks like we're going to follow her story through. The way she talks feels like a stream of consciousness sometimes and it gives a little too much I think.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Because you haven't quite finished this yet I can't really comment on what sort of tone this piece has.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Angel Army:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
559
559
Review of Halloween  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is an Angel Army Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm Jo and I'm here to offer you a review on behalf of the Angel Army as you are one of this month's spotlight authors! I want to be honest and say I don't read poetry very often to please bear with me!!

*Checkg*What I liked:

Like I mentioned I don't read a lot of poetry and I sure don't know what a chronos form is, but I think this is a well written piece. I think it has a nice and apt theme, particularly for this time of year (which is what made me want to read it!) The form seems quite simple yet effective and I think you use brilliant description in this piece.

I think the only suggestion I would have is to take the italics off this piece, it's a personal thing but I find it hard to read things that are bold and italic.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Angel Army:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
560
560
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is an Angel Army Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, my name is Jo and I'm here to offer you a review of this piece as you are one of October's spotlighted authors with the Angel Army! I have to tell you (first things first) that I love your name! So original and rhyming too, it has a cool ring to it. I chose this piece because of the title and description, it certainly sounds very intriguing.

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a team of people who are hoping to find Inner Earth and investigate. It's a really original idea and a good read. I think the pace quickened towards the end and for me that made it a little fast and meant that some things I expected were missing. I didn't understand what was going on and I think there could have been a little more description to help the reader out.

*People*Characters: Though we spend a lot of time with the main character I feel he is more of a narrator than anything and I didn't begin to understand him as a person, why he was doing it, what his daily job is.

*Home*Setting: This seems quite futuristic to me. I think I would have liked to see more about Inner Earth and what it was like.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* An over 5000 year old legend
A legend over 5000 years old

For me that opening sentence felt a little awkward. I would suggest something like the above.

*BulletB*three enormous fast moving flying objects that were described as walnut shaped object,
three enormous fast moving flying objects that were described as walnut shaped objects,

*BulletR* “Inner Earth used to be my home, but I was exiled.
“Inner Earth used to be my home, but I was exiled."




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Angel Army:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
561
561
Review of Both Sun And Moon  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is an Angel Army Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review on behalf of the Angel Army! You're a spotlighted author this month which is why I'm stopping by. I notice you're quite new to the site as well so I'd like to welcome you, I hope you're finding your way around okay! All I'd like to say is that I don't often read poetry so please bear with me!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I think this is a really interesting piece which delves into the inner workings and emotions of the individual concerned. I think that although it appears to be a dark piece, it is actually someone doing some soul searching and being content with their own self. At least, that's what I get from it (boy I hope I haven't offended you!)

The poem itself works well with the lines flowing nicely and the rhymes feeling natural. I think I would suggest taking the italics off this. It's a personal thing but I find it quite hard to read something that's in bold and italics. I would also suggest adding a little bit of something to the description about the poem as I notice you use the same description for several of your pieces.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Than fall beneath the deep to drown
Then fall beneath the deep to drown

I'm not sure if this should be 'then' but ignore me if it's not!






Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Angel Army:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
562
562
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Mandarine, I wanted to stop by with a review in return for the one you did for me! I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling great though, I hope you get better soon!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Elijah Lye, a magician who works his way up the ranks and gains the respect of local people. His shows sell out and he is famous, until he becomes infamous when his assistant dies on stage. He completes his last and final trick by escaping from jail!

I like the way this is told, it clearly resembles a myth, something that is passed around by word of mouth and believed and unbelieved and changed.

*People*Characters: Elijah Lye remains to be a mysterious character throughout this piece. I think this suits him nicely, he is after all, a magician. I think the only question I had was about his motives for killing his partner Haiiti.

*Home*Setting: Much of this piece takes place in the jail cell but it is set well with enough description to allow the reader to see the scene.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
563
563
Review of Electicity  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Elena! Her with a review of this piece as you requested. More than happy to help!

*Pencil*Storyline: Oooh the ability to control lightning, very interesting! I like the idea. We see Kelly and Freida argue over money needed to decorate the school and then, when not getting her own way, Kelly controls the lightning.

I think that while this is a good and original idea, I felt like I wanted more background to it. What school was it? Why were they hosting a Halloween party? Why did Freida agree to money for costumes and not decorations? Perhaps a little more background, the weeks leading up to the party, would be good here.

*People*Characters: I feel we begin to get a good sense of the characters here, particularly Kelly. It appears she can control the electricity and will use it when she's not getting her own way. This strikes me as someone throwing a tantrum when she isn't getting her own way. It makes me wonder if she's used this before or if she will again. Perhaps if you add background giving the reader a little hint as to what sort of person Kelly is would be a good idea.

*Home*Setting: The setting is contemporary and in a school. What school and where?

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Definately a chilling idea. Perhaps a little more description would add to the horror. How does Freida feel when she looks at Kelly? Is she terrified? How does her body react?




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"Not right now," her boss Freida brushed by Kelly
"Not right now." Her boss Freida brushed by Kelly

*BulletB*"Freida, please-"Kelly tried again.
"Freida, please-" Kelly tried again.

*BulletR*"serves you right, bitch."
"Serves you right, bitch."






Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
564
564
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook:

Hey Kiya, I've just recently purchased a premium membership and toying with the idea of creating a web page.


*Checkg*What I liked:

I have to say, I'm so glad I came across this piece. My idea was to take a glance at other web pages to get an idea but this piece is brilliant! You've offered a huge host of information I'd never even considered. I have no idea how to create a website but your piece has begun to point me in the right direction.

All I need now is to decide what it will be about!

hehe *Smile*



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
565
565
Review of Iridescent Wing  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm stopping by with a review of this piece on behalf of the Newbies short story & poem contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't read poetry very often so please bear with me!

This is definitely a really interesting poem and I love that you've included that little bit of folklore at the bottom there, you learn something new everyday! I found the style of the poem to be a little dark as it foretold bad luck but I think you did it well and I found it reminiscent of Poe's work.

The poem itself flowed really well with each stanza fitting nicely together and the rhymes feeling natural. Well done!



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
566
566
Review of Puppy Thoughts  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm stopping by with a review of this piece on behalf of the Newbies short story & poem contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't read poetry very often so please bear with me!

This is a really upbeat and happy poem which is really great to see. I enjoyed the read and enjoyed particularly seeing it from the point of view of a puppy, that was a really nice treat. I think you've captured the emotions and thoughts of the puppy so well (at least, that's what they would sound like I think!).

The poem itself has a rhyming couplet scheme and while it worked well, a few of the lines felt a little forced to me. You might want to go back and give it a read. I also think for a poem such as this it could benefit from having extra punctuation brought in. Just a thought!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
567
567
Review of Suburbia  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm stopping by with a review of this piece on behalf of the Newbies short story & poem contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I think this piece is really good and provides a lot of vivid description which helps the reader to picture the scene, understand it through the eyes of the narrator. However, to make a story a piece has to have a begining, middle and end with a conflict and resolution in there too. This was more of a scene setting, a vignette. Still, keep it up!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
568
568
Review of Ava  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm stopping by with a review of this piece on behalf of the Newbies short story & poem contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This piece is set in a post apocalyptic world where Ava sees the first dog she has ever seen before. She explores the world while her parents remain behind and always takes her companion, Kadie, with her.

I think I found the ending to stop at a point where I wanted more. I wanted to know if Ava was okay, if Kadie saved her, as it alluded to in the description. Perhaps you could consider extending it. I think the order of the story also confused me a little, it seemed to jump from a place where she was with her parents and Kadie to a place with her friends. I thought they had left all of her friends behind. Perhaps if you are alluding to the past you could begin with something like, : she remembered when...


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!






Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
569
569
Review of Care Giving Dog  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm stopping by with a review of this piece on behalf of the Newbies short story & poem contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really sweet and sad piece, all at the same time. I really love the subject of this story, a care dog providing love and support to young children who need it the most. Definitely an original subject. I I think you write this well although the beginning of the piece felt just a little abstract to me. Perhaps it was because as a reader, I didn't know who the narrator was. That's just at hought!

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“She’d been brave, fighting for herself. I wish I was like her.”
“She’s been brave, fighting for herself. I wish I was like her.”




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
570
570
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm stopping by with a review of this piece on behalf of the Newbies short story & poem contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This tells the story of two women, Laura and Jenny, whose lives come together in a very tragic way. I didn't see it coming at all! I have to say though, because of the way it was written it felt a little disjointed to me. When you swapped between perspectives I thought you could have used *** to make it clear there was a switch.

Despite this, your description was good and detailed and you had the beginning of good character development.

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
571
571
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm stopping by with a review of this piece on behalf of the Newbies short story & poem contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I have to say, I really loved this piece. It was witty and hooked me completely. I love the style you have written this in, ironic and morbid. The two brothers obviously do not get on and have always been competition for each other, even in death one brother swears to out do another. I love how morbid and dark this piece is!

You had really good, witty dialogue too that fitted well with the characters.

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*It was a cold sprightly morning
It was a cold, sprightly morning





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
572
572
Review of Bloodthirsty  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm stopping by with a review of this piece on behalf of the Newbies short story & poem contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

Hey I don't read poetry very often but I found this to be a really dark piece. The form of he poem adds to the obscurity of it. To me it felt like the thoughts of someone tumbling out, unable to stop, as the knife and blood beckons. I think my take on it was that the person self harms, something that provided a release.

The short and choppy sentences worked well for me!

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Are what my body craves,
That's what my body craves,


I think this works a little better but remember, I'm no expert!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
573
573
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm stopping by with a review of this piece on behalf of the Newbies short story & poem contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is an interesting piece that tells of a battle with the horsemen. Can I just say, you have a knack for detailed description and action scenes and I could see the battle as it raged, felt the emotions of the men as they huddles together hoping for life.

I found that while we started in the middle of the action (which is a good thing) I was unable to figure out why the battle was taking place. It may have been reference to a particular time but perhaps you could have set the scene just a little more to help the reader understand the context.

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
574
574
Review of Family Album  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is an Angel Army Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!



*Checkg*What I liked:

Pat, I just wanted to stop by and let you know that this looks like it was a really beautiful day! Everybody is happy and smiling, just as weddings should be. Congratulations to you all and thank you for sharing *Smile*



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Angel Army:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
575
575
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Ann, you offered me a review a while ago and I'm here to return the favour. I can only apologise it's taken me a while to get here! I chose this piece because the nature of the story interests me!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a story of two friends, Paul and Sam, discussing their identities of themselves and in relation to each other. I think you've tackled a subject that can be quite tricky, but you've done it well.

*People*Characters: Paul comes across as someone who is happy with who he is. He is a cross dresser and only wants acceptance, or to feel normal, as he explains it. I really love that his best friend Sam is still sticking with him. I think often for some people, revealing such a 'secret' as this can be disastrous for relationships (as Paul's father who disowned him).

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure where this is set though I'm guessing it's pretty comtemporary.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*whatever that is.
whatever that is."

The end of the speech just needs a closing quotation mark.

*BulletB*"I don't know, Paul, what to say to cheer you up.
"I don't know what to say to cheer you up, Paul.

This is just a suggestion but I think this word order works a little better.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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