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3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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501
501
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Stan, I'm here with a little review of this piece. I've had it saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: Larry is sent a bracelet one morning and after putting it on, receives a phone call saying his life is going to change for the worst. He doesn't quite believe it until his secretary dies, and then his family is attacked. And to top it all off, he gets fired from his job. Larry just feels like he can't take anymore and decides to end his life instead...

I have to say that while I think you have a good idea for a story there are still some things that remain unexplained for me. For example, where did the bracelet come from? Was it hexed or something? How did it change his life for the worst? Who killed his wife and kid?

*People*Characters: Larry is the main character in this piece and he is being affected by bad things all around him. However, I don't think we get to know him as a person. We just see his daily motions. How does he feels when his secretary dies? Or when his family is attacked? How does he react physically and emotionally?

*Home*Setting: I think this is a contemporary piece.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Definitely a dark tale. However, I think it could do with some more descriptions to add to the setting and help the reader see it the way Larry does. That could be anything from how things look to how things smell, taste and feel.

*BurstR*Dialogue: I felt the dialogue was a little stiff. Try reading it out and seeing what you think that might help.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I apologize for my rudeness but you are a person who don't deserve any more.
I apologize for my rudeness but you are a person who doesn't deserve any more.

*BulletB*unless your six feet under.”
unless you're six feet under.”

*BulletR*he said as he took his phone from his pocket and began to dail 9-1-1
he said as he took his phone from his pocket and began to dial 9-1-1



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
502
502
Review of A KISS FROM ALEX  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I've had this saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Butch who, after losing his best friend and hunting buddy, is stuck in a rut. His wife makes a suggestions to him to get out the house, enjoy hunting the way him and Alex used to. Only, when he visits the woods behind the house he finds more than he intends to...

A really well written ghost story. You take the reader through it at a good pace, allowing them to take in the scene, get to know the characters and their motivations and consider what was actually seen.

*People*Characters: Butch is the main character in this piece. He's depressed after losing his best friend and can't seem to work himself up into doing anything. I can hardly blame him, but even so, he listens to his wife and makes an effort to get back to normality.

Anita is his wife. She is warm and encouraging and is supportive of Butch during his hard time. She is loyal and straight thinking.

*Home*Setting:The setting is a house right beside a wood where they used to go hunting.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece had me tingling as I found out what was happening throughout, but it was also a really tender, sad piece as Alex visited Butch for the last time.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The dialogue in this piece feels real and natural, and it has their accents down really well.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
503
503
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Ashely, I've been looking for something to read when I spotted this piece. I found that I was unable to resist the temptation of opening it. It could have something to do with the fact that I agree Facebook is overused and held in high opinion...


*Checkg*What I liked:

I have to say this was a really witty and informative piece! I really loved reading it and I think a lot of that has to do with the humour you use throughout. Hehe. You make the reader think checking Facebook constantly for 8 hours a day is normal (it probably is for some people) but I think you really drive the message home at the end; that there are so many other things you could be doing then refreshing the same page, hoping for 'likes' and updating every two minutes. I think we all know people like that and from the outside we can see how sad it is! I'd much rather be on WdC *Smile*

Thank you for sharing this piece with us!

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*The Like button comes equip with it’s own blue thumbs up image,
The Like button comes equipped with it’s own blue thumbs up image,


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
504
504
Review of Doorways  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I've been looking for things to read and when I spotted this I couldn't resist opening it. I think the way you have titled this piece and the description you gave intrigues me. I think it tells me about the way you think about death.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a sad and interesting piece. You tell the reader what your views on death is and go on to acknowledge that your best friend passed away when you were ten and how that made you feel. I'm very sorry for your loss, dealing with something like that at such a young age must be difficult and in some ways I think you're right, life can be about making it from one hard part to another. But it's about how you deal with it that counts. I hope you're doing okay/


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*As a little girl (about seven years old) I once asked my mom how deep a grave was, I remember the look in her eyes as she stared at me confused before saying, “about as deep as a doorway is high.”

Here I think this could be two sentences. Also there needs to be a capital letter at the beginning of the speech:

As a little girl (about seven years old) I once asked my mom how deep a grave was. I remember the look in her eyes as she stared at me confused before saying, “About as deep as a doorway is high.”

*BulletB*From that day on every time I passed through a doorway
From that day on, every time I passed through a doorway


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

Just one big note I think you should change the rating of this piece. You have a curse word and while that is fine you need to increase the rating to an 18 because otherwise it will be seen by young and sensitive eyes.

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
505
505
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Charlie, I apologise for the delay in finishing your package for the Tea Garden but here I am!

*Pencil*Storyline: I have to say, this confused me a little bit. I sense that there are some religious undertones that I didn't understand. I see that Jon is sitting by a tree, watching a man dressed like a peasant while he begs for forgiveness. For me, there wasn't really a conflict and this struck me as more of a scene than a short story.

*People*Characters: Jon is the main character in this piece. We begin to get a sense of who he is which is good *Smile*

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure when this piece is set though I would like to guess it's at some point in the past?



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*as he felt the large hallow notch

I'm not sure hallow is the right word here.



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
506
506
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of your Fossil Fuel package from the power reviewers!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a boy who finds out the Legend of the Gravekeeper. It is told like a legend which is fun and adds to the mystery.

For me the plot seems to move a little fast. Slow it down, add some tension and some description to really hook the reader.

*People*Characters: The narrator is the main character and he is telling his story. We don't really get to learn what sort of person he is. I think that's okay since he's telling the story as a moral.

*Home*Setting: This is set in a grave yard. Perhaps a little more description would really help the reader get into the scene.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Hello.my name is

I would suggest having spaces after punctuation marks such as commas and full stops. Also, the next line should begin with a capital letter.

Hello. My name is

*BulletB*When i asked her what happened
When I asked her what happened

*BulletR*{which at the time was a dirt road}

Usually the brackets that should be used are ( )

(which at the time was a dirt road)

*BulletV*Witch hunting was now meerly
Witch hunting was now merely

*Bullet*he burned his victims at the steak
he burned his victims at the stake.

*BulletG*God....this place is truly scary

Bits like this in the text are more direct thoughts than narration. This would usually be put into italics.

God....this place is truly scary


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
507
507
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I saw that somebody else had reviewed this piece and I wanted to stop by and offer a little review too!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I have to say I think this is a really neat idea for an in and out! It allows people to think about the possibilities of what they could have and what they would do if they had that 1,000,000 gift points. It's a lot *Smile* I'm proud to see that most people say they'll share and provide charitable things for groups and other people.

What a great idea for n in and out!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
508
508
Review of No Rest  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I spotted this piece and wanted to come and read it so I stored it in my list of things to read until I had some time *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really interesting piece. You kept me hooked from the beginning and much of the narrative was about teeth and hats! So my hat's off to you *Smile*

I have to say it gives an interesting taste of what's to come because it leaves the reader wanting more and wanting to find out what happened.

*People*Characters: Grits is a really interesting character. You portray him really well as a man who is a survivor against the odds.

*Home*Setting: This is a sort of post apocalyptic story so it's set in a world that comes later on. We know that there are zombies and decay and I'm hoping to find a lot more about it later on.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Tense and atmospheric.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“Give me your fucking hat, for I take it from you,”

I'm wondering if this should be 'or'

“Give me your fucking hat, or I take it from you,”

*BulletB*Befor e you know it we’ll be at the cross roads
Before you know it we’ll be at the cross roads



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
509
509
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Seeze, I did some review crediting earlier and someone who had reviewed this piece made me want to come and read it, so here I am. So far I like the title, it's quite original.

*Pencil*Storyline: What a nice original idea and with a twist I didn't see coming at all. There's the haunted house, all they need is a ghost to haunt it. A good idea! This is well written and all in dialogue (is it for the contest?)

*People*Characters: We have two main characters here, one who is seeking the haunted house and one that is seeking to find someone to haunt it. We don't get names of the people but I think that works fine, we don't need them in such a piece. If you did, I would say we only really would need the name of the person who wanted the haunted house.

*Home*Setting: A haunted house. You build the scene using an array of the senses.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Definitely very creepy!

*BurstR*Dialogue: Like I said, this whole piece is written in dialogue and I think it works well. I can see what they are doing through their dialogue which is great. I think you've done a really good job of bringing them to life.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I think that’s what smells the worst in here not that spray.”

I think I'd probably put a comma in here:

I think that’s what smells the worst in here, not that spray.”



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
510
510
Review of Grandpa  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Tru, I was crediting a review that someone else did and the review spoke so highly of the piece that I had to stop by myself and read it! *Smile*

The initial hook is great and made me sit up and go, What?!

*Pencil*Storyline: What a delightfully disgusting story! I really enjoyed reading this and have to say it's like nothing else I've read before on this site! It's a really original piece. Billy goes to visit his dead grandpa in the attack, worried about what to say to him, but knowing that his dead body and the fact that he was s till typing although dead was affecting the whole family.

I felt a bit sad that it was the grandson who had to do it, but I guess he was right and because he wasn't as close he was more able to.

*People*Characters: I have to say I think Billy is one brave lad! He went up there by himself to face his dead grandpa. I particularly liked the lines about him battling love and revulsion; I can imagine that's exactly how it would be.

*Home*Setting: The setting is Billy's home in an old turret on the outside of the house.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I think the setting adds to the atmosphere of this piece as well as the decayed nature of his grandpa! Gross!



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* “But he smells so bad.” My mother said to my father.

This is a speech tag so I would suggest you need a comma rather than a full stop and then a lower case letter:

“But he smells so bad,” my mother said to my father.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
511
511
Review of Scare Tactics VI  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I've had this in my list of things to read until I had a chance to stop by and read it!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Ian and Maggie, cursed to be apart. But Maggie who is something other than what she seems, swears she will come back for him. It doesn't happen until many years later when a jar containing a lock of his hair is opened by Tim, and Maggie comes back to rescue Ian.

A great love story that spans generations! I love the supernatural element to it too.

*People*Characters: IAn and Maggie are the main characters in the first part. It becomes clear how much they love each other and I think they're both very strong and likeable characters. I really like how you hint that Maggie is something otherworldly but don't tell the reader what until later on.

Tim is the main character in the present. I found myself wondering how old he was because I couldn't quite place it. He's a good character too and lets them finish their business.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece changes but you've made it clear to the reader so it works well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a strong sense of love mixed with the supernatural here.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“Maybe the coins are replicas,” Tim glanced around the living room

I would use a full stop here as this is an action tag rather than a speech tag.

“Maybe the coins are replicas.” Tim glanced around the living room

*BulletB*“What is it.” Tim held it up and saw
“What is it?” Tim held it up and saw



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
512
512
Review of Red Velvet Box  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hi Chloe, I'm here with a review of this piece as part of the Power Reviewers Raid! I wanted to return a review you did for me *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of our narrator, (do we find out her name) who is in love with a man. Unfortunately he is in love with her best friend which creates a very awkward love triangle.

I think the lot was original and worked quite well, however, it did leave me with a few questions. For example, I found myself not quite understanding why Katie was thrust out from her town at such a young age? I thought that perhaps she would be given to another woman and brought up as someone else's child. Also, I think the ending of this piece came a little too quickly for me. It seemed to happen all of a sudden and I found myself wanting to know why Katie had chosen to run away and abandon her friend.

*People*Characters: The narrator is the main character in this. I would suggest trying to include her name earlier on because for a while I thought she was male! We get a good idea of who she is, what her motivations are and the things she had been through that might bring her together with Katie.

Katie is portrayed in a really nice way. She appears to be quite innocent but very upbeat which I liked. It makes her a really likeble person.

As for Maxwell, I feel we didn't get to know him very well. I found myself wanting to know why he would give the narrator such an impression but then make advances on her best friend.

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure where this is set. I get the feeling it's sort of post-apocalyptic or set in a different time/place. It might be worth trying to make it a little clearer.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*But the thought of him holding her clothes close and inhaling their aroma connected me to him somehow, the closest connection we would ever have.

For me, I would probably get rid of the word 'but' and add a semi colon too.

The thought of him holding her clothes close and inhaling their aroma connected me to him somehow; it was the closest connection we would ever have.

*BulletB*coal mine for the past 14 years.

Usually all numbers in a story up to 100 should be typed out in full.

coal mine for the past fourteen years.

*BulletR*Tonight is a special occasion! I have someone else who wants to see you. He has been coming to see me for a while, and he is very special.

Here I would suggest changing one of the 'special's to something else to stop it being repetitive.

Tonight is a special occasion! I have someone else who wants to see you. He has been coming to see me for a while, and he is a very important man.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
513
513
Review of The Plague  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WdC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Bumblegrum, I've had this saved in my list of things to read for a while until I had time to stop by! Can't wait to delve into the apocalyptic world!

*Pencil*Storyline: I have to say I'm really glad I decided to open up this piece and read! As promised it was a post apocalyptic story of despair and infection, filtered with the hope of the future in the form of an innocent girl who succumbs to the virus herself.

I really liked reading this. You made it your own and unique. The reason for the virus was like something I've never read before so I like that, and while it affects the earth's population, it kills mostly rather than turning them into flesh eating zombies. So for me that's a nice change!

We follow Peter through the wasteland as he carries on his journey to find more people and company, only he's stopped along the way when he meets a young woman he feels he cannot leave.

The ending is an emotional doozie! We have him having to make a choice between his life or her life and, knowing full well she is succumbing to the virus, he chooses himself and kills her, leaving after giving her a decent burial.

*People*Characters: Peter is the main character in this piece. He provides the reader with an interesting narrative voice; it kept me hooked throughout this piece. There was death and destruction in his life but rather than falling to self pity, he looks upon what can be salvaged and aims high. I like that about him.

*Home*Setting: The setting is a post apocalyptic world. I think the opening is a really good example of this; you open the scene well and allow the reader to see the world as it is, as Peter sees it. You entice all of the senses too.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a strong overtone of despair in this piece, despair about the situation but hope that something good will be in his future.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*What was really scary was a group of people referred tom as the “half-immune”.
What was really scary was a group of people referred to as the “half-immune”.

*BulletB*I knew the answer instinctively; people.

In my opinion, I would switch the semi colon to a colon as generally, an independent clause should follow a semi colon and this isn't one of those!

I knew the answer instinctively: people.

*BulletR*Suddenly, I wanted to be anywhere but here to I pull myself together.
Suddenly, I wanted to be anywhere but here to pull myself together.




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
514
514
Review of Girls Night Out  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Diane, I'm here to offer you a review of this piece. The idea that you created it using lots of different book titles intrigued me!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really fun little piece that had me smiling all the way through! I think you've done so well to get all those book titles in there, I'd probably really struggle with it. Have you read all those books?

We follow the story of our narrator who is looking for love at Christmas and following the advice of her friends, some single and some not. Hilarity ensues as they end up at a club which pushes them out of their comfort zone. I really liked the scene with the narrator (Diane?) and the man with the 'wocket in his pocket' hehe!

*People*Characters: The narrator is the main character in this piece. She is looking for love at Christmas and feels like she's having a hard time finding anyone worthwhile. It makes me a little sad that this woman was so eager to find love. I know some people need to have someone in their life but I always find that it comes easier when you're not looking for it. But anyway, I hope she found her man in the end, perhaps on the next night out!

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece changes but the most memorable is the club where the wild things hang out! I love the descriptions you offer here it really sets the tone.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece is light hearted and funny with a undertone of romance too *Smile*



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"Stacy, how did you manage to find such a great guy? I always end up with men who are commitment-phobic or just plain losers." She smiled serenely and responded, "Easy, I just follow the rules of attraction."

I would say here because there are two different people speaking it should be separated onto different paragraphs.

"Stacy, how did you manage to find such a great guy? I always end up with men who are commitment-phobic or just plain losers."

She smiled serenely and responded, "Easy, I just follow the rules of attraction."



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

An "Invalid Item"  Review


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
515
515
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I've been looking for something to read when I came across this. The idea intrigued me and I wanted to see how the interview went.

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Kitty who goes to interview Irwin about his crimes against humanity; bombings and killings of innocent people. As she questions, he taunts in a way that suggest he doesn't care much for what is happening. The clock counts down as the interview goes on and I got a sense of rushing, tension throughout. I probably should have expected the ending but I didn't and it was well done! A twist in my eyes and something that would suggest Irwin wasn't to blame... perhaps.

Like I mentioned, the way you use the count down and time in this piece really adds to the tension and the sense of urgency. We know where he is going and that it's not looking good for him but for him as a character, I don't feel sympathy for, so why do I feel so tense? There was something more to the time that ticked away. a very clever device!

*People*Characters: For me, Irwin was a delightful character to begin to get to know. The way he speaks, his mannerisms and the way he doesn't seem at all bothered about his fate show what a 'cool' character he is. Either that or he knows something we, as the reader, didn't. I found him to be rather creepy!

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Irwin's jail cell as he awaits his time of death. The scene is set really well throughout and we can see things just as Kitty does.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Dark and rather twisted, a lot of that coming from Irwin's mind.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"You're not afraid, are you?" He whispered.
"You're not afraid, are you?" he whispered.

*BulletB*"I'd be foolish to say I wasn't." She murmured.
"I'd be foolish to say I wasn't." she murmured.

*BulletR* "I ain't afraid of nuthin'"
"I ain't afraid of nuthin'."

*BulletV*Kitty lead the way down the hall
Kitty led the way down the hall





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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An "Invalid Item"  Review


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
516
516
Review of StrongWoman  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here to offer you a review in return for the one you did for me! I chose this piece because you say it's about a strong woman and I couldn't resist {being a feminist and all!}

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a woman who is pushed to her limits of physical exercise until she begins to feel an otherworldy experience.

Your story got my wondering whether this is actually a possibility! So if not well done on convincing me!

*People*Characters: Our main character is the woman, though I'm not sure we get her name in this piece. She takes us through her journey of spiritual enlightenment and I have to say, you made me feel what she felt which was amazing!

*Home*Setting: Her trainer's home. It's described well and you let the reader see it as she does.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Spiritual, definitely. A spiritual transcendence.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*After fumbling for my spectacles and correcting my nearsightedness I realized the torso belonged to Matt, my recent torturer.
After fumbling for my spectacles and correcting my nearsightedness, I realized the torso belonged to Matt, my recent torturer.

You could just do with an extra comma here.

*BulletB*interrupting my fun game of follow the perspiration, who knew gazing at salt water excretions could be so titillating

I think for me this is two sentences. I would suggest either using a full stop and splitting them fully or using a semi colon.

interrupting my fun game of follow the perspiration; who knew gazing at salt water excretions could be so titillating

*BulletR*“I wasn’t sleep that long.
“I wasn’t asleep that long.

*BulletV*The day was a blur, I had literally given it every. thing. I. had.

Are these full stops meant to be here? If you're going for effect, I would suggest italics instead:

The day was a blur, I had literally given it everything I had.

*Bullet*Course this is the same man who dressed up as an old lady for Halloween a couple weeks ago.
Course, this is the same man who dressed up as an old lady for Halloween a couple weeks ago.

This could just do with an extra comma here.


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

I've made several line by line suggestions but please don't get worried or offended by them, they're little things and overall, I Really enjoyed this piece.

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

An "Invalid Item"  Review

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
517
517
Review of Me and my bro  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Jonathon, I'm here to offer you a review in return for the one you did for me! I chose this piece because it seems to be the first of two and it always makes sense to start at the beginning!

*Pencil*Storyline: okay this tells the story of our narrator and his brother who are a little bored and waiting to ship out. To the reader, this feels like a little scene of something bigger. It doesn't feel like anything really happens in this scene so it felt a little anticlimatic to me. Usually there will be a conflict and a resolution. Maybe something happens to them while they're waiting for the ship? I felt like towards the end it was also a bit too fast paced; the reader gets a lot of information about the brothers and what they're doing before getting on the ship and then suddenly they're in Normandy. What happened during the journey?

*People*Characters: You have the beginnings of good character development here. You tell us how bored the brothers are, that they're not really doing anything and just messing on.

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure where this is set. It might be a good idea to let the reader know in a subtle way.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Soka and me were standing around eating a banana leaning on a truck when we saw how shrivled our brothers banana was because we had left it out in the sun with his B.B. gun.

Okay this is quite a long sentence, you need some commas in certain places as well as an apostrophe and there is one little typo. I would write:

Soka and me were standing around, eating a banana, leaning on a truck when we saw how shriveled our brother's banana was because we had left it out in the sun with his B.B. gun.

*BulletB*We were standing around not doing much when we came up with the idea to go swimming for the last time because we knew that we might not come back.

You already tell the reader that they're standing around eating a banana and learning on a truck etc. I think this is a little repetitive. Try something like:

We were a little bit bored when we came up with the idea to go swimming for the last time because we knew that we might not come back.

*BulletR*So since my brother Aang was a general who always let us do what we want as long as we don't do something that could get us arrested we went to ask him if we could go swimming.

Here, again you need some commas as well as changing 'don't' to 'didn't' to keep it in the past tense.

So, since my brother Aang was a general, and he always let us do what we want as long as we didn't do something that could get us arrested, we went to ask him if we could go swimming.

*BulletV*So we went to the cost were we could swim.
So we went to the cost where we could swim.

*Bullet*After a while the fog cleared and we was at normandy.
After a while the fog cleared and we were at Normandy.



*NoteR*A few parting comments...

I know I've only given two stars for this piece and that's not to say that with a little bit of work this will be a good piece! If you review let me know and I'll pop back to reread!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
518
518
Review of Ribbit  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Angus, I'm here with another review. I wanted to check out your short stories folder and it was the title of this that drew me in, quite unusual!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Paul drinking at a bar while watching the news report. It seems the killer on the TV is someone he knows and he seems so sure he won't be a target. As he finishes his beer and gets up to leave without paying, the bartender stops him. That's when Paul ribbits and then pulls out a knife.

I have to say, that I think this piece lost me a little bit. I couldn't decide if he was the killer all along but then the bullfrog on the counter and the fact that he was croaking would suggest so. Does he think he's a frog?!

*People*Characters: Paul is the main character in this piece and as I mentioned, I'm not too sure whether he was the killer all along... I think it confused me a little.

*Home*Setting: This piece is set in a bar. I think this piece must have been limited to a word count but otherwise I would suggest a little more description about the setting.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
519
519
Review of Just $29.95  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Angus, I'm here to return the review you did for me. I spotted this and I think it was the fact that there was money involved in the title that intrigued me!

*Pencil*Storyline: Wow Angus, what a delightfully gory story! I really enjoyed reading this. You opened it up really well with a paragraph that summed up the background to the story and began to develop Rick too. You follow in the same thread throughout and lead the reader on a horrific journey through Rick's sleep deprived state as he batttles with the Sandman and then finally, the man on the TV... I didn't see that ending coming at all but thought it was well thought out and super surreal!

*People*Characters: Rick is the main character in this. He's desperate to sleep after winning a bet but it seems to elude him. For the reader, we can see that he is hallucinating, that he's not in the right frame of mind, but for Rick, he thinks everything is normal despite the fact that the TV is talking to him...

*Home*Setting: Rick's home.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Dark and very gory!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
520
520
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, you did a review for me a little while ago and I wanted to come and return the favour!

*Pencil*Storyline: I think you've managed the piece well and pulled it into the prompt that was given. It tells the story of a man who was waiting for so long in a post office queue as two people of foreign descent struggled with their packages.

*People*Characters: The main character is the guy telling the story. I don't feel we get to know him very well as a character. I didn't know why he was there or what his motivations were, what made him give the guys the money after causing them ridicule. This might be something to work on.

*Home*Setting: A post office in contemporary times.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I have to say that although this piece is classed as comedy, I didn't get the jokes as well. Perhaps if I felt a little more for the character I would have gotten more into the plot.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*It wasn't much of an event. But it was a bit embarrassing.

Here there seems to be a big space between the sentences.

*BulletB*I yelled out “How short are they?”
I yelled out, “How short are they?”

This is a speech tag so a comma should come before the speech.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
521
521
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hi Nicki, I've been looking for items to read on point of view as it's something I'm struggling with a little in my NaNo novel. I came across this and had to check it out!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I've found this this article has been really helpful! You go through the different points of view, what they mean and what they can show as well as when they are most likely used. I found that really helpful and your explanation really clear.

What I'm struggling with most is the difference between third person limited and third person omniscient. I think something that would have helped me even a little bit more would be an example of each, just to confirm how it was working for me. But like I say, it was super helpful anyway.

I also found the section about head hopping important. I fear I may have slipped into that too so when I revise I might come back to this article!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
522
522
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I'm struggling a little bit with points of view in my NaNo piece and I wanted to come and check out your advice!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I really like the way you've written this. You give a good explanation and example of what first person and third person omniscient are which has helped me out a lot. Seeing the example really clarified it for me, so I think it's great that you used them.

You go through this piece and you have been warm and encouraging, telling the reader that just because it defies the rules, it doesn't mean it's badly written. I think that's really important, after all, nothing new wold be tried if a risk wasn't taken.

Thanks for sharing your opinion on this piece and providing some clarity *Smile*



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
523
523
Review of Empty Vessel  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I saw this piece and saved it in my list of things to read until I had time to get around to it! So here I am *Smile* It was the title that intrigued me.

*Pencil*Storyline: As I read this, I found I thought it was more of a scene or an abstract than a story. However, that's not to say I didn't like it. It had me hooked from the beginning and I wanted to know what her fascination was.

I love the way you end this, the way he explains it to her. And now, when I think of it, it's s true. We are much like the clay, moulded by those around us and our experiences.

*People*Characters: This piece wasn't really about character development, more about the moral of the story.

*Home*Setting: The potter's shop.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*She could see his fingers slowly moving pressing into the clay.
She could see his fingers slowly moving, pressing into the clay.

I think this sentence could use a comma.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
524
524
Review of The Choice  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I saw this highlighted in the latest newsletter and I wanted to come and check it out *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Abigail and Roger who are on a journey of discovery to find the fountain of youth, Abigail's last chance at survival. A very original tale that I feel was really well told.

*People*Characters: Roger is one of the main characters. He is a highly intellectual man and someone who is dearly devoted to his wife which is a lovely character trait. He's very sweet and only wants the best for her. Abigail likewise, doesn't want to live forever if she can't be with him and it becomes apparent how much the two love each other.

*Home*Setting: The setting changes in this piece as the couple search for the fountain.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: I think for me a sense of adventure resides within this piece as well as a strong notion of love.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
525
525
Review of Pumpkin Eater  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I've had this piece saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by! I couldn't resist the description line.

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really original and well told story, well done! I really enjoyed reading it and found that it drew me as as I wanted to find out what happened with the pumpkin on the steps of the abandoned house...

The nature of this story suggests to me it could be a children's story. It's scary but not filled with so much tension as to terrify them. I think that's quite a feat and something I'd probably struggle to do, so well done!

*People*Characters: Roger was the main character in this piece. He goes out to investigate the pumpkin after dark, even though he is terrifies and never returns. The fact that he goes out alone shows how brave he is, or how much he hasn't thought out his situation!

*Home*Setting: I think this is a contemporary piece.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Like I mentioned this piece is dark and certainly has a scary element, but it's not so tense so children can't read it.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*He sat up in bed and slowly pulled the cutrains away from the window.
He sat up in bed and slowly pulled the curtains away from the window.

*BulletB*Every Halloween, he along with each member of his family would carve a pumpkin of their very own to sit outside.
Every Halloween, he, along with each member of his family, would carve a pumpkin of their very own to sit outside.

I think you need a couple of extra commas in here.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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