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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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526
526
Review of Trick or Treat  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: He Gonzo, I was looking for something to read when I came across this. I know we're passed Halloween now but I can't resist a good creepy story!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of our protagonist who, after having given away a hoard of candy, retires for the night. Except he is harassed by the knocking at the door which reveals nothing. Tired of the perpetual noise he hides around the house and is in for a bit of a surprise...

I didn't see that ending coming at all, I bet none of your readers did. Well done for originality.

*People*Characters: The narrator was the main character of the story. Though you mention nearer the end, I think it might be worthwhile letting the reader know the gender earlier on as I found myself wondering. He seems to be a man who, although he's up for a bit of fun, tires of it easily, especially of kids!

*Home*Setting: The setting is his home. The scene is depicted really well with a lot of description to help the reader see what is going on.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Creepy and tense right until the end! That's not a bad thing, the twist didn't scare me but I don't think it was meant to.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
527
527
Review of Lastly alone  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I spotted this piece as I was searching for something dark to read and since it is post-apocalyptic, I couldn't resist! Just a note the 'tail' in your description should be 'tale'

*Pencil*Storyline: In this tale we meet a young woman who is taking her last steps as the last person on the face of the planet. I think it's an interesting concept but I also found myself wanting more. What happened to the world? Where were her family and friends? What was going on in her mind?

*People*Characters: Like I mention above, I think I would have liked to know more about how the woman felt about her situation, how she survived for so long when others didn't etc.

*Home*Setting: This is set in a post-apocalyptic world.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Desolation runs rife through this piece.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Another like her, thin and beech. she had gone a long time ago.
Another like her, thin and beech. She had gone a long time ago.

*BulletB*but a sort of orange, oaky, and burning.
but a sort of orange, ashy and burning.

I think here, ashy might be a better word as I first thought you had mis typed 'okay'




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
528
528
Review of Food Hunt  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey upside down Mike! i was looking for some dark things to read in honour of Halloween and came across this! Please tell me, how did you get your name upside down like that?!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I always think it's amazing when somebody can write a 55 word story and it feels complete! Your micro story is perfect with a beginning, middle and end. It goes along explaining what is happening and why, even giving the reader a sense of what his personality is like too. Very clever!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
529
529
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Colin, I've been searching for Halloweeny things to read and I came across this. I'm having to have a low budge Halloween this year and wanted to see your suggestions!

*Checkg*What I liked:

You've offered me up some really great ideas for Halloween decorations this year! I might not have children or work in a school, but I'm going to my friend's shindig. I think it would be perfectly fun to make some ghosts as well as spiders and cats, really great ideas! Hoping to carve a pumpkin or two as well, that should be fun to do and give us a really creepy place to sit in *Smile* Thanks for sharing these ideas!

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Trim the edge of the bad and you can make passable fingers.
Trim the edge of the bag and you can make passable fingers.

*BulletB*No, we have ghosts, we also need cats and spiders.
Now, we have ghosts, we also need cats and spiders.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
530
530
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Diane, I've been searching for some Halloween goodness to read when I came across this!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry so please bear with me! I really liked this piece. The form of the acrostic is one that I know and I like how you spelled out the word in a particularly Halloweeny colour *Smile*

The poem itself flows well, the rhymes work together to make the poem fit into a natural pace to read at too. I think you've captured the essense of Halloween *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
531
531
Review of Haunted Hallway  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Captain Colossal, I'm here to offer you a review of this piece as I'm feeling like I want to read something Halloweeny!

*Pencil*Storyline: What a neat little flash fiction piece! You immerse the reader in the scene and then twist it all around at the end, nice touch!

The only thing I would say, that while this piece is really descriptive, it tells the reader what is happening rather than showing how Natalie feels about it all.

*People*Characters: Natalie is the main character in this piece. As I mentioned we get a sense that she is scared but we don't know how so. Are her hairs standing on end? Is her stomach knotted? Is she panting?

*Home*Setting: Natalie's home.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: You set the scene well with very descriptive words here, well done!




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
532
532
Review of ALL HALLOW'S EVE  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is an Angel Army Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I've been searching for Halloweeny things to read and I came across this!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry so please bear with me! I think I picked up on this piece because of the link to the traditional Samhain which I liked. I think you capture the mood of the piece well, hinting as something long forgotten and how it has changed in the years and what it has become now, something for children to enjoy. I think what you're saying is that we need to get back to our roots and understand where it comes from.

This piece flows nicely with a really good atmosphere. I really liked the first two lines, they worked really well and set the tone.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Angel Army:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
533
533
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is an Angel Army Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I've been searching for Halloween things to read and get involved with and I couldn't resist this one!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I wish I could have answered that I would do something perfectly responsible and keep my head but unfortunately, I believe that would be a lie! I actually picked that I would run up the stairs. Not because I haven't seen all of those horror movies when going upstairs just gets you trapped, but because I would panic and search for the nearest available exit!

Thanks for hosting a fun little poll!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Angel Army:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
534
534
Review of Stingy Jack  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Dolly, I was looking for something scary to read and I came across this piece *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: I have to I was hooked as I began reading this, but the further that I got through it... it hit me as being entirely reminiscent of a Grimm's fairytale. I think that while it's okay to use an idea and make it you own, I feel like you've almost just wrote it word for word!

I would suggest adding paragraphs into this and separating them with a line as it's a bit daunting to read like this.

*People*Characters: Jack is indeed an evil character and receives his comeuppance in the end.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*One night he went off wondering down his usual path,
One night he went off wandering down his usual path,

*BulletB*Quickly he moved to slip through the branches and down the trunk but the Devil foudn that he could not pass.
Quickly he moved to slip through the branches and down the trunk but the Devil found that he could not pass.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
535
535
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook:

I was looking for Halloween items to check out and read when I came across this, and I couldn't resist!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really neat Halloween c-note shop *Smile* The images you have are all really varied and there's something for everyone! I really like the purple bat and the bloody hands, nice gruesome touch! I'll be back to send some c-notes away come Wed *Wink*






Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
536
536
Review of Red Tide  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I've had his piece saved in my list of things to read for a little while until I had time to stop by. It is the genre that interests me. I've never written anything steampunk before and I wanted to see how it was done!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a team, Gilbert, Aidan and Lillith whose ship is cracked. Gilbert takes ill from shellfish poisoning and the Professor tells them all of the Magnus Pyga. I think it was a really original narrative but some of the technical details lost me a little!

*People*Characters: I feel like I didn't get to know the characters as well as I would have liked. Perhaps a little more development, speech and action tags around the speech would be ideal.

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure where this is set but it is a historical piece, in the genre of steampunk.

*BurstR*Dialogue: I found much of this piece consisted of dialogue and to me it felt real and natural.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* In the pitch darkness, water pours off of a huge machine.
In the pitch darkness water pours off a huge machine.

The word 'of' isn't needed here as primarily that would be used in speech rather than writing.

*BulletB* “See for your self.”
“See for yourself.”

*BulletR*The man says “Aidan, what would make someone abandon a place like this?”
The man says, “Aidan, what would make someone abandon a place like this?"

If there is a speech tag with the speech following it there should be a comma first.

*BulletV*If it's bigger than the submarine than it's either a filter feeder, or if not than it probably eats whales.
If it's bigger than the submarine than it's either a filter feeder, or if not then it probably eats whales.

*Bullet* “A bit dusty,” Volker says, “but I a bit more like myself again.
“A bit dusty,” Volker says, “but I feel a bit more like myself again.

Just a missing word here.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
537
537
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Okay so I followed the link from the novel advice I just read and found my way here. I think I wanted to check it out since you seem to give such good advice!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is certainly a very detailed character frame! I already have the ones I'm planning to use for my NaNo and already done a character sheet, but this certainly has given me a lot of food for thought. I've been doing the character gauntlet and it's become apparent that there are some gaps in my character, so I may refer back to this! Thank you for providing it *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
538
538
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I spotted this piece in the most recent Author Newsletter and couldn't resist stopping by to take a look! I'm taking part in NaNo this year for the second time and wanted to find out what advice you have for writing a novel *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

I really enjoyed reading this piece. I think the beginning stages of what you have described are really creative and much more physical than I have done before. It's something that I would certainly consider doing, especially the timeline, as that is something I tend to struggle with: keeping everything in the right time frame. Having those scraps of paper means I'd be able to figure out which bits I'm missing out rather than getting halfway down and thinking... oh I forgot something!

Your advice is really important and very positive which is brilliant *Smile* I might not take all of it away but I'm certainly taking some of it!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
539
539
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Holly, I spotted this in the authors newsletters this week and with NaNo coming up I wanted to have a little review of things *Smile* So here I am with a little review!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really good article which goes through the ins and outs of creating a paragraph. You tell the reader what a paragraph is for, when it should be changed into a new paragraph and the different elements that should be included. I like the way you do this, giving clear and concise points. And then you move onto giving an example, with an explanation at each step of the paragraph to help the reader see what it is you're doing.

I think this is a good article. It's well written, clear and concise. Thanks for sharing!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
540
540
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Gruesum! I'm here with a little review of this poem. I saw it a little while ago and have had it saved on my list of things to read until I got a chance to stop by. I don't often ready poetry so please bear with me!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This piece really made me smile! I love poetry that tells a tale, almost like a ballad, and this certainly didn't disappoint! *Smile* I love the way this piece starts really dark and atmospheric... until his wife cuts in! I love that. I can see them there, sitting in their two armchairs, him telling the tale, her with a scowl on her face. You characterise her really well in just those few lines. The stanzas flow well and kept me reading at a fast pace wanting to find out both his story and what the wife had to say!

I really like that you have their speech in different colours. It helps to distinguish it from each other and gives it a sort of personality too. Thank you for sharing this fun little poem with us! *Smile*



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*(Don’t tell her, but I think she’ a cow)
(Don’t tell her, but I think she’s a cow)




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
541
541
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I've had this saved in my list of things to read for a little while until I had a chance to swing by. I don't often read in this genre so please bar with me!

*Pencil*Storyline: This to me, feels like the prologue to an epic fantasy story. This chapter really whets the appetite and encourages the reader to read on. It sets the tone, context and characters. Good start, well done!

*People*Characters: I have to say I love Jezebel as a character. It seems she has had a tough life but despite that she is a strong woman, and I admire her for that. She does what she has to do to survive and that means she has to sell her body. I think I do worry a little that the escorting side of things is glamourised a little because she seems to get on so well, but that might just be my overly feminist side coming out! Still, I think she's a wonderful character.

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure where this is set. It might be tough to work in but it might be worth trying to put this in the prologue somewhere.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: So far I get a strong sense of politics and think it might play a big part in the story.





*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*A thin line of black running along the rich polished auburn
A thin line of black running along the rich, polished auburn

*BulletB*stained her soul just by shear proximity
stained her soul just by sheer proximity




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
542
542
Review of Glory and Honor?  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I'm back with another review for you as part of your Tea Garden package *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: I found this piece to be quite different from the last that I read, but I still enjoyed it. It struck me as something that could be a prologue to something longer. A man telling the reader about the world as it is now, how things have changed, and then he ducks right back into the action.

*People*Characters: The main character is the guy narrating this piece for us. I think he has a strong narrative voice and it comes across clearly, beginning to develop his personality.

*Home*Setting: You make it clear that this piece is set in the future which is great.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece definately has a feel of war to it.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
543
543
Review of Wee (Wee) Stairs  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Maryann, I'm here with a review of this limerick as part of your Tea Garden Package *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry because I find it quite hard to analyse sometimes, but even my little mind can get past a limerick and understand it! I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was fun and lighthearted and no doubt strikes very true for you and many others who are or have been puppy training! I love that you look at it with a smile on your face because it makes me smile too *Smile*

I really love how you've jazzed it up with colour and even included a picture of your puppies (though I have to say, I am wondering which is the puppy in question?!) Thank you for sharing this, it made me giggle!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
544
544
Review of The Mellow Beat  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I'm here to offer you a review of this piece as part of your Tea Garden package *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Kale, a man who had a complete sudden change in his life. He wonders what he has done and whether he has done the right thing. The ending lets him see that he has made the right choice, even though he's not sure why he did it.

While an original narrative, I found this piece confused the lines a little between narrative and his internal thoughts. Perhaps trying something like putting his thoughts into italics would make it a little clearer *Smile*

*People*Characters: Kale is a man who changes career completely though he's not sure why. You have begun to develop him well for a short story.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece is the old schooner he's working on along with the captain.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*As the old boat graoned in protest
As the old boat groaned in protest

*BulletB*yes life at teh top of LA's financial sector was good
yes life at the top of LA's financial sector was good

*BulletR*Hopping on the trolly he had managed get to teh harbour to wander around
Hopping on the trolly he had managed get to the harbour to wander around

*BulletV*and looking around teh ship at the invitation of a man
and looking around the ship at the invitation of a man

*Bullet*nimbly picking his way acrsss the busy and active deck.
nimbly picking his way across the busy and active deck.




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
545
545
Review of Grave Dirt  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Juniper, I've had this piece saved on my list of things to read until I had time to come and see it. The title and description both intrigued me and I had to come see!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a woman who wakes up dead! What an original and interesting idea. It turns out she has been brought back by her husband (who originally killed her) as he is desperate to find the box she hid from him.

You open this piece really well. It was powerful and emotive with a lot of good description to keep me hooked. The plot was good and I couldn't guess what was coming.

*People*Characters: The main character is Mary. She wakes up dead but doesn't quite realise it until she claws her way out of her grave. Slowly she begins to remember parts of her past and why she hid the box from her husband. Even as a corpse she doesn't lost integrity and refuses to tell him where it is.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece, for much of it, takes place inside a grave. You build the atmosphere well and use description to your advantage.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: As I have mentioned, I think you build the tension well, particularly in the first part of the story when Mary is still in her grave and can't figure out why. You use brilliant description and choppy sentences to get her panic across to the reader. This continues throughout and even incorporates a lot of gore and violence (which is fitting to the story)



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
546
546
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return the review you did for me *Smile* So here I am!



*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really original piece and an enjoyable read! It's written from the point of view of a cat who wishes to express his affection for his brother, but also to set the record straight and make sure his brother knows he is not his owner and the cat will actually do what he wants, when he wants and it is his right! This piece really made me smile *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
547
547
Review of Trick or Trick  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I'm here with a review of this piece for the Contest of Firsts!

*Checkg*What I liked:

What a truly terrifying Halloween experience! And you were so young too. I think if that was me, I'd never have gone Trick or Treating again! You were such a brave four year old I think. I like the way you tell this story, the fact that it is in present tense really draws the reader in and lets them experience it right with you which is great. You take us through the entire night, the dinner beforehand, the getting dressed and finally, the going out. I have to say I really love the ending too (I hope you don't mind me saying that) but I think it really brought out a good tale!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*. They still look what they really are but now they have a weird eerie look to them.
. They still look like what they really are but now they have a weird eerie look to them.

I just feel there was a word missing here.

*BulletB*We are to the neighborhood that we were going to
We are close to the neighborhood that we were going to

I think there was a word missing here.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
548
548
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Maryann, I'm back with another review of your piece that tells the reader of your trip to Australia. Though it's somewhere I've not been, maybe I will someday!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really nice article to read. It was less formal than a normal travel article probably would be, and I liked that. It meant it was easy to read and allowed me to see the holiday you had, just as you had done it. The pictures certainly helped too! You make good suggestions about what you did, what you liked and what you would have liked to try which gives anyone who plans on travelling to Australia a good idea of what they might do. I also really like that you include links to the important parts which makes it easier for the reader if they want to follow up on something too.

The pictures were great and added to the piece as a whole, giving the reader an insight into your holiday as well as Australia. Thank you for sharing this *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
549
549
Review of Deserted island  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Maryann, I'm here with a review of this piece from the package at the Tea Garden. I firstly want to apologise you've had no reviews up to now, having a little bit of trouble getting people motivated to review... so I'm sorry about that! I wanted to read this piece because of the title, deserted island indeed... sounds ominous!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of two couples who want a vacation, something completely different, and they get it by going to an unknown unihabited island. It sounds like a beautiful place! And the holiday is going so well until the news blares across the radio...

*People*Characters: There are two couples in this piece as well as one brother. I feel we begin to get a feel for their characters but not an indepth look. I think though, for the length of the story, this is good development.

*Home*Setting: The setting is a little island in the middle of nowhere that nobody knows about. It sounds perfect and idyllic and you describe it so well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a strong sense of contentment in this piece right up until the end when the radio announcer reads the news.

*BurstR*Dialogue: Some of the dialogue felt a little stiff to me. For example, someone would say 'I am' rather than 'I'm' but overall it's fine!




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Lara, twenty four years old, still danced on her tip toes when she gets excited just as she did when she was a little girl
Lara, twenty four years old, still danced on her tip toes when she got excited just as she did when she was a little girl

*BulletB*On the last trip they brought and set up shed kits, knowing that they will be coming back a lot.
On the last trip they brought and set up shed kits, knowing that they would be coming back a lot.

*BulletR*they have a large variety of supplies at their disposal.
they had a large variety of supplies at their disposal.






Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
550
550
Review of Rolling In Candy  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I'm here with a review of this piece from A Contest of Firsts! Thanks for stopping by and entering *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really neat tale of your first Halloween! You go through the piece giving the reader a view of the build up to the night, what you wanted to do, your relationship with your brother. Then you take them on the journey of Halloween night, how you felt, what you wore and the candy you got! Thanks for sharing this with us!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Shivers flew down my spin, and I longed for the warmth of out fire at home
Shivers flew down my spine, and I longed for the warmth of our fire at home

*BulletB* no, the reason I could warm up my chilled bones was very simple.
No, the reason I could warm up my chilled bones was very simple.

*BulletR*My brother and I had been descusing who we wanted to be.
my brother and I had been discussing who we wanted to be.

*BulletV*watching movies until my eys grew red from staring at the t.v screen,
watching movies until my eyes grew red from staring at the t.v screen,

*Bullet*finally, it wa my father who brought the insparation, in the form of a well known book byt J.K. Rowlin.
The Lord of the rings.
finally, it was my father who brought the inspiration, in the form of a well known book by J.R.R. Tolkien.
The Lord of the rings.

Here, if you're talking about Lord of the Rings, the author is actually J. R . R. Tolkien.

*BulletG*minor unhappiness of not getting mycharactor guessed.
minor unhappiness of not getting my character guessed.

*BulletB*that t was quite obvios that we wouldn't get to bed anytime soon.
that it was quite obvious that we wouldn't get to bed anytime soon.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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