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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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1026
1026
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (4.0)
A really original and interesting piece. Where did you get the inspiration from?! I really enjoyed reading this, it was almost a cross between a fairytale and a child's tale but I really enjoyed it. The way you personified the snowplows was great and they seemed animal-like and graceful.

Well done on a good read

jo x
1027
1027
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (4.0)
I laughed a lot while reading this!! I think the first one confused me I didn't really understand that one but it's probably my own fault for being so unwordly. Otherwise, a funny set of rules to abide by to annoy the people who annoy you. I parituclarly liked the stenographer one!

Well done on a good giggle

jo x
1028
1028
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A good read and well written in such a small amount of words. I think if it was wasn't for flash fiction I would have wanted to know a bit more about the Wendigo, I'm not entirely such what one of them is supposed to be! But an interesting choice in story, a vampire defending humans is an original idea and I love zombies so a big thumbs up there!!

Was there a prompt for the contest?

A good read, well done

jo x
1029
1029
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (3.5)
A very interesting piece. I wasn't sure how the schizophrenic side of the man would be portrayed but you have done it well. The beginning explaining the deaths, and then 'they' laughing at the knife in his hands. A very descriptive poe. It conjured up images of the very depths of Hell and I imagined the man in this poem smiling as he was dragged away.

Well done on portraying a difficult subject

jo x
1030
1030
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I really enjoyed reading this from the start. The piece was desciptive and emotive throughout, alerting to all of the senses. I like the idea of the plot and am certainly looking forward to reading more of this!!

* “Sure. I’d be flattered to,” Kate mumbled.

I copied this into the review box and I'm sure it should have been 'too' but can't quite remember the context, sorry!!

But a very good, intriguing read and I'll move onto the next installment as soon as I can.

jo x
1031
1031
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Really good idea for a contest, seemingly simple but it's actually hard :)

jo x
1032
1032
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This made me smile! A quite humourous poem, I like it. Well done!
1033
1033
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey looks like a good start to a story, I'd like to see more :) I think maybe a little more description would be good but all in all I like it. Maybe things like what the princess is wearing, her name, her kingdom; that sort of thing makes it more personal and realistic.

Well done :)
1034
1034
Review of I Miss You  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (4.0)
A good read, it spans the life of a relationship from the beginning of meeting to the end at parting. I thought the line about shedding a tear was a bit confusing until I realised it was a car! Good twist, I liked it :) Well written.

I noticed:

* 'a quite drive is all we shared' I think it should have been quiet

Anyway well done :)
1035
1035
Review of Adolescent misery  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey a good realistic story, something that is certainly paramount to many peoples lives. I get the feeling this could be a life story rather than just fictional.

Good read, well done :)
1036
1036
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A really interesting piece. Very descriptive and I like the way you start and end with the same sentences. I was wondering whether the angel was real or imagined, does it signify death? Also, if you were to continue where would you take it?

Good read

jo x
1037
1037
Review of Spy in the Sky  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (3.5)
I liked the idea behind this story. I think it confused me a little. At the beginning you make reference to Mrs Bigelow and then further on you mention my grandmother. Are they both the same person? It might just be me getting confused over nothing I just thought maybe it could have been made clearer.

I spotted a couple of things:

* 'For the first times in days ' should be 'time'

* “It okay Kevin, she not suffering anymore' should be 'she's'

I do like the idea behind the story, a nostalgic sort of memory I think.

jo x
1038
1038
Review of Bleak Road  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A really great piece of work. From the moment I began reading I was hooked, you capture all senses beautifully with an intriguing story line. It would be certainly something I would like to hear more of, where the winged creatures came from? Why they did what they did? When taken away what happened? But I also know that it works so well as a short piece.

Thanks for a good read :)

jo x
1039
1039
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A really good short read. Well done on being able to write a story in so few words AND having it make sense! A good twist on the age-old affair type scene too, original.

:)

jo x
1040
1040
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey I really like the idea behind this story, I like reading alternate endings and it's a possibility for so much creativity. I like the idea behind what you've written but I feel that the story is very sharp and to the point. Maybe instead of phrasing things with 'Julie said...' or 'Romeo did...' you could explain it more.

For example, "As he walked Romeo thought about his family, his loved ones. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do."

Also maybe you could differentiate between the main text of the story and the thoughts that both Juliet and Romeo go through.

Hope this helps

jo x
1041
1041
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (2.5)
I like the plot idea of your story; I like it that you're trying to explain the existence of vampires, it's quite original :) However, I found quite a few mistakes:

*Star* 'will bring him down' should be 'would' instead. By putting 'will' you have changed the tense comletely as in future and this story is told in past tense

*Star* Make sure you put all speech within speech marks " "

*Star* 'dieing' is spelt 'dying'

*Star* 'fateful' I'm thinking this should be 'faithful' but I'm not entirely sure so don't take my word for it

*Star* 'with in' this should be one word, no space is needed

*Star* 'He before he thought twice' This bit kinda confused me when I read it, I don't think you need the 'he' at the start

*Star* 'dead man blood' this should be 'man's'

Hope this helps. Well done on the idea and write on,

jo
1042
1042
Review of Armed Robbery  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I think that this story has a lot of potential but there are a couple of things I would change:

*Star* At the start when you are talking to your mam the second paragraph begins the story of the robbery but this is quite unclear. I think you should try to introduce it, maybe by saying 'Then came that fateful night...' or something to alert the audience that this is the actual start of the story

*Star* In the fourth paragraph I don't understand why there are so many different speeches. I suggest that if there are different people speaking you should indicate this at the end of the sentences and if not you don't need a new line for each new sentence

*Star* '"You are not pulling fast enough."
were my thoughts towards my co workers and the gun men.' This is on two separate lines when it should be on one line together

*Star* '"What if I trip?" I thought to myself.' I think that if you put your thoughts into Italics instead of speech marks it will be easier to follow and understand. This goes for the remainder of the paragraph where you have him wondering where the other guy with the other gun is. It doesn't need to be on separate lines either, it can just follow on like prose in a book.

I hope this helps. Like I said though, this story has good potential. Well done and write on,

jo
1043
1043
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I thought the plot of this story was great; finding love on Christmas Eve in the most unsuspectable cirsumstances. Different but good. I found these typos/errors:

*Star* 'crowd to wear Roger' should be 'where

*Star* 'four year previous' should be 'years'

*Star* 'decent' should be 'descent'

*Star* 'intake of breathe' should be 'breath'

Hope this helps, well done and write on!

jo
1044
1044
Review of "Trick Or Treat"  
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: E | (4.0)
Overall I thought that the plot idea was good; it kept me reading, wanting to know what was happening. I do have a few suggestions:

*Star* "The late October chilling wind had colorful leaves spiraling" Personally, I would rephrase this to,

'The late October chilling wind caused colorful leaves to spiral...' But I suppose it's just opinion.

*Star* In chapter 9 you have three different people talking in the paragraph at once; it's usually done by using a differernt paragraph everytime someone different speaks because it's easier to read.

*Star* I think it would be better if you used spaces in between your paragraphs or use th MLTag Indent so it's easier to distinguish paragraphs.

Anyway, a good plot, well done and write on,

jo
1045
1045
Review by blue jellybaby
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I think that this is a good plot for a story but I spotted a few things/had a few suggestions:

* "for at least of the day" para 2

* "Sound like you did" para 3 should be sounds

* (very inviting) instead of using brackets you could use a semicolon to join the sentences

* "Your family is your friends."

* "No one ever noticed me I felt." I would rephrase this speech; change the syntax.

* I found it really hard to read the speech because it was all on one line. When you type speech it should be on separate paragraphs for a new person's speech, not matter how much space it will take.

Eg. "NO!"

"What.."

"Listen. No I can?t hurt you again."

"You never hurt me."

"I hit you"

You could even add in things after or before speech like, "..." said Emily. Or, Allen told her, "...."

Anyway, I think it's a good plot idea but you need to work on it, write on,

jo
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