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 |   My first blog about my life, my favorite music, my opinions, my feelings. Whatever. |
This is the first blog I've ever had! You'll have to bear with me because I'm still learning how to do this whole thing. I'll admit that it's bit of a mess right now. I started blogging for "The Soundtrack of Your Life"  and I couldn't just let it end there! I don't think there's any point in keeping a separate blog for all of the blogging groups I want to join. I'm going to keep them all in this one so I can grow into an eclectic pot of confusion.What you'll find here:  My opinions on everything. Blog prompts for various groups. A different song everyday that means something to me. Experiences I've had in lifeWARNING This blog is rated GC and will contain offensive language, stories, and opinions. Please don't read if you're easily offended! My intentions aren't to offend anyone, so trust my warning and turn back now or forever hold your peace!  Things I'll be using this blog for:  "The Soundtrack of Your Life"  "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise"  "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" I want to hear from you! As I mentioned before, this is my first blog. I'd love to hear from anyone who reads this. Leave a comment, rating, or review. Let me know what you like to read about. Have a suggestion for me to write about? I'd love to hear it. The best thing about a blog is the exchanging of opinions between bloggers and readers. I want to keep us all interested. Plus, it's just nice to get a little love sometimes. Let's get to know each other.   Charlie ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **   ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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| ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** 30DBC May 1, 2014 Prompt: Introduce yourself to a group of strangers where they find you interesting. I wanna see and read an interactive introduction. Hello there, everyone. I've heard that you're super interested in getting to know about me, though I am a bit upset about the fact that you tracked me down in the first place. I should have known this was coming when I saw the men with sunglasses and suits talking into their watches outside my apartment. Please, have a seat anywhere. The donuts will still be there after my introduction. No, there isn't decaf. Okay, I'm sorry! Stop yelling at me! Next time there will be decaf, I promise. You two! The lovebirds. One person per seat. Jeez, why is this so difficult? So, you already know almost everything about me. I mean, you found me, right? I know what you're here for and I'm not going to give you what you want. The secret family recipe is safe with me and I'll never spill, even if you tear me apart at the limbs! Oh, sorry, you thought I'd crack easier than that? I can tell a formal introduction is in order if you thought it would be so easy. Yes, my name is really Charlie. Okay, fine, it's Charles. Don't you dare call me that! It makes me sound like a mature adult, which I'm anything but. Yes, I know, I'm twenty-two, it's time to grow up now. I've devised something of a treasure hunt for you all. If you want the secret family ingredient, you're going to have to work for it. I will tell you that somewhere in this room lies a clue. Tied around that clue is a ribbon of my favorite color. What's the problem? You don't know my favorite color? Well, I guess you have your work cut out for you then. This is goodbye, until next time... |
Artist: Say Anything Album: ...Is a Real Boy Song: Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Well, today's the last day of April. It sounds like May is going to be a busy month around here. We have the Game of Thrones challenge and there's going to be two blogging challenges. I signed up for the Talent Pond, too, so I'm not sure how I'm going to break my blog up in the next month. The 30-Day Challenge is on too, so that's four prompts a day. I feel like I'll need to break it up somehow. I'll use pictures for all of them though, so, {i]reaaaallllly it shouldn't be hard to just skip down to the one you wanna read. I dunno. I guess we'll see how it looks. I have a busy day ahead of me, now that I'm finally up, so I'm gonna go ahead and do the prompts. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 30, 2014 Prompt: "I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it." - Ernest Hemingway How do you refill the well of your inspiration? Hemingway is one of my favorite people ever, so this prompt is awesome by association. So, how do I refill the well of my inspiration? Well, for one thing, I don't ever force myself to write. I know a lot of people say that you should just sit down and write, even when you have writer's block because something will come of it eventually. Writing is a hobby for me, one hundred percent, so I don't force myself to do it when I'm not feeling it. If my inspiration is gone for the moment, I'll play guitar for a while or do something else. The surefire way to spark my inspiration though is to read a good book. Something about it just sparks my muse and makes me want to write something. I've also found that watching a good indie drama flick does the trick as well. I don't freak out if my muse runs away because I know it'll be back when it's ready.       ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 30, 2014 Prompt: What treasures do you display inside your home? This is an easy one for me because I have absolutely nothing displayed in my current apartment. I move so often that I don't like to put a bunch of holes in the wall that I'm going to have to fill in a year. I do have a couple framed photos and framed posters up, but that's about it. I don't have any family pictures, but I have one room dedicated to music and music posters like Hendrix and Dylan. In the living room, I have a huge framed picture of birds with a really minimalistic design and neutral colors. I dunno. I'm a bore. If I die and go to hell real soon It will appear to me as this room And for eternity I'd lay in bed In my boxers, half stoned With the pillow under my head |
Artist: You Won't Album: Skeptic Goodbye Song: Television [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics I'm thinking about just moving. I dunno, maybe to the west coast, like Washington or something. I'm probably not going to be able to do it before June, although I'd like to. I can't find anywhere I want to live in my current area and because my lease is up, they're going to bump the rent way up if I stay here, so that isn't an option. I'm really hoping I can find a place with a short lease, like, six months. Then that puts that lease up at the end of this year. After I move, I need to go through detox and rehab, although I'm dreading it like nobody's business. I promised I would do it in June, so I'm going to try to follow through with it. I need a change of environment, or scenery, or, I don't know, something. I need something. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 29, 2014 Prompt: Whats the thing you're most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it? I'm scared to do pretty much everything. I'm, at the same time, scared of everything and nothing. My biggest fears in life are committing to things. When I'm committed to something, I feel stuck. I feel like I'm trapped and it makes me really anxious. I hate signing year long leases on apartments because I know that I'm stuck there for a year. I don't know how people buy houses and commit to living there for most of their life. Just the thought of that makes me panicky. I'm really good at running away from situations, which I'm assuming I'll grow out of someday, but who knows. The thing I'm most scared to do at this exact moment is go through detox. It isn't just the physical pain of withdrawal, it's the mental state it puts you in. I'd almost rather die than go through it again, as crazy as that probably sounds. I don't know what it would take to push me over the edge and make me actually do it. Maybe if Kira filed divorce papers, maybe if I couldn't work anymore, maybe if I overdosed and ended up in the hospital again. Maybe not even then; I can't say for sure. I'm like one of those Magic 8-balls. Reply hazy, try again.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 29, 2014 Prompt: Murphys Law says, Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Write about a time everything did fiction encouraged here, too! I love Murphy's law because it's so true. When it rains, it pours. I have lots of situations that have fallen victim to Murphy's law, but I'm going to try to keep this kind of lighthearted. Besides, I have a funny one. I was exploring a new city with one of my girlfriends one time and we got a little lost. This was before we had a GPS or smartphones, but it wasn't a big deal because we had nowhere to be anyway. Well, we're in the downtown part of the city, and we get caught in some pretty nasty traffic because of an accident in the middle of an intersection. We couldn't go anywhere because we were in the right lane and there were people to the front, behind, and left of us. This wouldn't have been a huge deal, except the e-light had come on about ten minutes before we got stuck in traffic, so we were about to run out of gas. I saw some people sitting outside of a little diner restaurant on the sidewalk, and I thought it would be a good idea to go ask them where the nearest gas station was so that when traffic did start moving, we'd know where to go right away. So, I open my door and, at that exact second, a bicyclist came flying by and got clotheslined by my door. I turned around and looked at my girlfriend like,  I was thinking, there's no way that just happened. But, alas, there he was all wrapped up in his bike on the ground. I jumped out thinking, Well, it wasn't that hard of a fall. He surely can't be hurt.I walk over and I'm like, "Aw, shit man, you okay?" And he just jumps out of the wreckage and attacks me, throwing punches everywhere. I'm trying to cover my face and my girlfriend gets out of the car and starts screaming for someone to help. Of course, being the city, everyone just stands around staring at us.  But the cops were already there for the accident and one came running over to break it up.Nothing ever came of it because the kid took off running down an alley before the cop got to us. He just left his bike there on the side of the road. I wasn't too hurt or anything, but it's still funny when I think about it. It was like a horror movie where you think the guy is dead and he suddenly jumps up when you get close to him and starts attacking you.  I don't talk to her that much anymore, but whenever I do, she always asks, "Hey, do you remember that time you got beat up in Nashville?" Yeah, I remember.  Now the fishes on the TV fly, in circles all the same, Like little children terrified by what they can't explain. But when the suburb and the sky, are both awash in flame, Oh the television won't survive, and it always ends the same. |
Artist: Taking Back Sunday Album: Tell All Your Friends Song: You're So Last Summer [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics So, apparently Kira has decided she wants to have a baby. I was sick all day yesterday and couldn't find anything. My main connect went out of town again this weekend and I thought I had enough to get me through today, but I didn't. Then yesterday I tried pretty much every avenue and couldn't get anything. By evening, I was laying in bed because I'd given up for the most part. Of course, that's when Kira decides to show up. I hadn't seen her for a couple days and she came in all chipper and excited, which just added to my aggravation. I asked her where she'd been and she said she was with her friends. She asked if I was sick and I told her I was. She said that she meant to check on me Saturday, but she was too hungover from Friday night to come over. I was like, cool, whatever. I was too sick to worry about it. But then she's all excited and tells me she has "the best idea ever". I really wasn't in the mood, but I was happy to see her. So, I guess one of her stupid friends told her that if someone won't change for their kids they'll never change. Kira got it into her head that we should have a kid because then she's know "once and for all" if I can actually change. I straight up told her that was the stupidest thing I've ever heard. She got all upset because I called her stupid, so then I had to explain the difference between someone being stupid and an idea that someone has being stupid. I had called one of my friends who has gotten "clean". I put that in quotations because she's been on Suboxone for longer than she did opiates in the first place. I don't like the idea of using Suboxone, but I knew it would take away the physical withdrawal symptoms at least, so she told me she'd come spot me some. But I pretty much despise this friend. I don't hang out with her because she's so preachy preachy about getting clean. Don't tell me about how there's light on the other side when you're still dependent on a substitute. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, this all cultivates into this big, messy scene because A) Kira hates this friend of mine. In my defense, I never know where she is anymore or when she's going to be home. B) Kira is stuck on this conversation about having a kid because she thinks I'll really be committed to changing then. C) I'm getting more anxious and agitated by the minute. D) My friend can't find my apartment so she keeps calling me on the phone. So, let's play this back, I'm basically reduced to nothing at this point. I'm sweating, anxious, irritated, and my nose is running. I'm rocking back and forth on the bed while Kira stands next to me telling me that she has everything figured out and the sooner we can do this the better. My friend is on the phone trying to describe where she's at by talking about "the weird looking yellow house with the big trees". Kira starts yelling in the background that I better not be having anyone deliver to her house. Then my friend starts yelling about how she can't hear me because Kira is yelling. Then Kira finds out who I'm talking to and starts yelling about how she isn't allowed at our house and to hang up the phone. So, finally, my friend finds the place and I go down to let her in with Kira following like an inch behind me yelling about how she told me this would happen. We go back upstairs and my friend gives it to me, but kind of holds it out of arms reach and says, "See, this is why you should have done the treatment plan that I did. Look at me! I've been clean for almost a year." I grab it away from her and Kira starts yelling at my friend about how this is all her fault because I wouldn't have had a connection here if it weren't for her. So my friend starts yelling back at her that I'd be sober by now if it weren't for Kira's "unrealistic expectations". It was just such a bad scene. I just kind of made my way back to my bedroom and got into bed while they still argued in the living room. It was such an awkward thing to do but I was so annoyed and panicky, it was the only thing I could think of to do. Kira ended up kicking her out and then she came back to the bedroom. She sat down in bed and I laid my head down in her lap. She ran her fingers through my hair and I could feel myself breaking down. I just started crying because I know where I'm at right now and I know where I'm going. I know how bad it already is and how much worse it's going to get. I just feel really helpless and vulnerable. She kept telling me that if she got pregnant, I could go into rehab and be sober by the time the baby was born. She was saying that if I had a kid, I wouldn't relapse because I'd have a baby dependent on me. I ended up falling asleep, but there's no way I'm bringing a kid into this situation. It sounds all good in theory. Just to go into rehab and come out on the other side with a new life and a baby, but I know that this life doesn't work out the way you'd want it to. I just think it's a really bad idea. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 28, 2014 Prompt: If you could post only one more blog entry FOREVER, what would you say? Wait, where am I going? Am I dying? Honestly though, if I were to write my last entry, I'd want it to be the same as all the rest. I would just want it to be me being me. What's better than being yourself? I'd feel kind of bad though because everyone would probably think I died if I just stopped updating my blog. So, maybe if I knew it was going to be my last entry, I could say goodbye to Fivesixer  , Mitchopolis  , Lyn's a Witchy Woman  , Carol St.Ann  and all the other people I've met that I just realized I'm too lazy to write out. I'd probably also apologize to them for being such a super serious bummer all the time. I would probably have to ask one of them to come clean out my house before my family found out what's in it.That's what I always worry about if I think about suddenly dying. I'd worry about what the people I care about would find in my house. I'd be afraid people would read my writing and be upset or hurt by what I've written. I'm afraid people will read my real life journal, which I don't think anyone should read. I feel so bad when I see a writer, musician, or really anyone, whose journal was found after they died and published as a book. That's just so wrong to me. But if I do decide to just stop blogging, I promise I'll let you guys know ahead of time.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 28, 2014 Prompt: It is Meatless Monday, what is your favorite vegetarian recipe. Does it hold any fond memories for you? Every day is meatless day for me. I don't cook at all though. I do eat on occasion, but it's usually something out of a can or box. (Yes, you read that right. I only eat on occasion, like once a day.) I like pasta and frozen pizzas. Things that are really easy to cook. I like sweets too, like cookies and whatnot. A lot of people tell me that they think it would be hard to not eat meat, but I really think it just depends on the person. There are always alternatives to meat. A lot of times when I go out to eat with people, they're like, "Are you sure you'll be able to find something to eat here?" Or if someone asks me what I eat, I just tell them I eat the same things as them, just without meat. So I eat tacos, pasta, burgers, or whatever. I just either take the meat part out entirely, or I substitute it with a vegetarian meat product. I dunno, it works for me and I've never thought anything of it. If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar. |
Artist: Nine Inch Nails Album: Pretty Hate Machine Song: Ringfinger [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Hey yo. Hope you're all having a good Saturday. Saturday is my favorite day of the week. It always has been, even though I don't take Saturdays off now. I've been getting a ton of work done the last couple days. I've hit the sweet spot and I'm feeling amazing. Kira isn't home this weekend. She's off wherever Kira goes when she doesn't like me doing whatever Kira does when she doesn't like me. I'm not going to let it mess up my weekend though. It's such a nice day; I have all the windows open and the fresh air is awesome. I'm blaring my music and chilling out. So, I dunno. I'm having a good time. That's what matters, right? Right? ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 26, 2014 Prompt: How much time do you spend on the internet on an average day? Do you think it's too much? I spend a lot of time on the internet now, mostly because I have an online job. I didn't have internet before last year. I mean, I had it for a little while when I was younger and living with my parents. Then I had it on and off depending where I lived, but I didn't regularly use it for much. I guess this kind of plays into the BCOF prompt for the day too because I got a smartphone a few months ago, so I have constant access to the internet. I'm able to check WDC so often because I have my smartphone with internet when I'm out and I also work on the internet, so it's easy to open a new tab and check my emails or whatever. So really, the only time I'm not on the internet is if I'm nodded out or sleeping. If I'm working, I'll check my emails and WDC periodically, but I don't respond to anything during that time. I think a lot of us have limitless access to the internet though. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to spend a lot of time on the internet. If I didn't spend a lot of time on the internet, I wouldn't have the job that I have now. With the internet, the world is at your fingertips and there's so much to explore. Honestly, if I didn't have internet access and the job I have now, I wouldn't be able to hold down a job and I'd be in a much worse place. I'd probably be couch surfing still and sleeping all the time. I dunno. I think too much is bad, but if you've got somewhat of a balance, you're good to go.   ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 26, 2014 Prompt: Do you have a cellphone? Has it actually made your life easier, or harder? Are you addicted to your cell phone? Studies indicate that adults are more dependent on their cell phones and social media than teens do you think this is true? I have a cell phone. I've had one since I was, like, fourteen, so I don't really remember not having one. I mean, I remember when I had to use the house phone to call people, but that was when I was really young and just went to school and friends' houses. Once I started getting out and getting myself in precarious situations, it was nice to have a cell phone on me in case I got in a situation I couldn't get myself out of. That being said though, until last year, I was one of those people who had a different phone and phone number every month. I would just keep a list of my contacts and call them with my new number, then a month later, I'd have to do it again. I'd either end up breaking my phone or pawning it off or something and I wasn't under contract. I've lost contact with a lot of people by never having the same number because I'd get a new number and go through my contact list and kind of weed people out that I didn't really want to talk to anymore anyway. I'd say that it makes my life easier overall though. I can't imagine having to find a pay phone every time I needed to make a call when I was out. I guess there were a lot more pay phones then than now though, so it wouldn't be so bad. But then you'd have to either carry your contact list with you or you'd have to memorize people's numbers, which I can't do for some reason. I definitely like my phone. I don't get annoyed by people calling or texting because if I don't want to talk to someone, I just don't respond and I'll turn my phone on silent. I'm definitely not addicted to my cell phone. It rings a lot, so I tend to put it on silent and then I'll check it every once in a while and see if I want to call any of the people back. I always have it on me, just in case I need it, but I don't use it as often as a lot of people do. When I go out, I see a lot of people at the grocery store, standing in the middle of an aisle, and texting on their phones. It's so annoying. Can't they just get out of the way so people who are there to buy food can get it and out? I believe that adults are more attached to social media than teenagers are. I'm not on Facebook or any other social media sites, but I'm pretty sure there are a lot of adults on there from what I know. A lot of the people I see glued to their phones in public are adults, too. I'm trying to think of why that might be. The only thing I can think of is that teenagers see each other in school every day. They get a lot of social interaction to begin with, whereas adults tend to just go to work, do their job, and go home. It's probably a way for them to stay connected to old friends and family that they don't get to see on a regular basis. I dunno, just a guess. Well you've got me working so hard lately, Working my hands until they bleed. If I was twice the man I could be, I'd still be half of what you need. |
Artist: Sublime Album: 40oz. to Freedom Song: Badfish [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics You guys, I seriously got so much done yesterday. It was amazing. I told you I was going to have a productive day yesterday. If I can have another productive day today, I might be able to take Sunday off. Probably not, but it's a possibility. I've found a really good spot that I can work during where I can actually focus. It's awesome. I'm about done with my connect. He's seriously the worst. He's either dry or he's going out of time so, "You better load up, bro." And he calls me bro and pats my back all the time, too, which just rubs me the wrong way. It's like, "Here, take your medicine. You're gonna need a lot." I caught up with a friend of mine earlier this week though and he seems to have a pretty good d-boy right now. The thing is, these guys come and go. They go to jail, they overdose. They rarely last very long. I was always told you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket, anyway. So I might jump ship here because my guy's just getting shady as shit right now. I'm just trying to keep afloat with work, because it's one thing I actually have control of. I don't have any control over what Kira does at this point, and that's mutual. She said she's going to stay with her friends this weekend. I told her to just be honest if she was going to stay with my parents. I can't imagine why she would want to stay with my parents. I guess it must be fun to hang with my dad and bash me. I'm not too worried about it though. I am who I am and if that's not who she wants, I guess that's life. I want to thank jefferymaine and richardmaine for the MB they sent yesterday. ![Merit Badge in Inner Strength
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For all you're going through right now. Stay strong! You are an awesome man *^*Smile*^*.
Cheers,
Jeff & Rick Maine](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Inner_Strength-1150.gif) You've both been supportive of me since I joined the site, and not just with my current issues. I thank you both for not passing judgement and being kindhearted people. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 25, 2014 Prompt: What scents bring back vivid memories for you? When I was younger, like fourteen or fifteen, I had a few friends who lived in a trailer. I used to stay there a lot if I didn't feel being at home or whatever. We had a whole group of friends and we'd hang out and watch TV or do whatever. Anyway, there were a lot of girls who were there all the time and they always wore vanilla perfume. It would be really strong too, like the whole house smelled like vanilla perfume. One night, we were all drinking and one of the guys asked why they always wear vanilla perfume. They said that the scent of vanilla makes guys horny. I don't get horny when I smell vanilla now, don't worry. I get this kind of homesick feeling when I smell it. Like, a sad sweetness. I don't know how to describe it. I feel like I get sick, but in a sweet way. So I'm not sure if the memories from that time are good or bad, but every time I smell vanilla, I get this weird sweet, nostalgic sickness. It's just being so young and so naïve. I mean, actually drinking and doing drugs for fun. Just taking things to see the effects out of complete boredom. But it was an innocent thing. I can vividly remember laying on a mattress on the floor with one of the girls a week or so after I first used H. I remember looking at the ceiling and laughing because water was starting to leak through and it made a big bubble in the middle of the ceiling. We kept talking about the roof caving in on us. I remember her flipping her head and her hair falling my face with that strong vanilla scent. I remember telling her I'd never mainline. "Nah, I just did it to try it. I probably won't do it that much because I don't want to get addicted or anything. Yeah, and I'd never mainline. That's when you know you've got it bad." A few years later, I was banging several times a day. But I started with 'fun' intentions. Just to have a 'good' time and see how it 'feels'. Now that I think about it, the scent of vanilla makes me want to vomit.   ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 25, 2014 Prompt: Are you a fan of Shakespeare or not? I do like Shakespeare, but I think everyone else who says they like Shakespeare likes him more than I do. I think Shakespeare was kind of ruined for me at a young age because he's so shoved down your throat in school. I mean, honestly, we read Shakespeare play after Shakespeare play. I have really bad connotations with school, so if something is connected to it, it's automatically harder for me to enjoy it. I remember it being like, "Okay, we're reading Romeo and Juliet. We're done with that? Okay, now it's Julius Caesar. Done? Okay, let's go on to, Much Ado About Nothing. Great, now we're reading, Hamlet and then we'll do Macbeth." It gets to the point where it's like, "Okay, are there not other writers we can read?" I think that school should include some modern authors in their curriculum. I know a lot of the kids I was in class with never read on their own because they automatically thought of books as these arduous classics they didn't understand. That's another topic for another day though, I guess. The point is, I do like Shakespeare, but I don't enjoy Shakespeare. I don't know if that makes sense. Okay, let's say, I respect Shakespeare but I'll probably never read him for my own enjoyment. Ain't got no quarrels with God Ain't got no time to grow old Lord knows I'm weak Won't somebody get me off this reef |
Artist: Ween Album: The Mollusk Song: Mutilated Lips [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics What's up, guys? I had such a jump start today, or so I thought, but I don't know where the morning went. I know I didn't get anything done. I'm trying to do my real life work in two hour spurts when I have the energy, but I'm not already worrying about my next fix. I was really productive yesterday and finished a project I've been working on for a client. I knew I had, like, a two or three hour window to get it done, so I worked my ass off to make it a finished piece without looking like I was rushing through it. Here's a joke for you: A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t. I'm still not caught up though. It's kind of like doing short distance sprinting. I have a week to finish another job for this guy that is being incredibly difficult. He called me, like, ten times this morning while I was asleep. I'm already back to the point where I wake up sick every morning, so I couldn't even call him back until an hour or so after I woke up. It was a pointless conversation anyway. He just wanted to triple check that I knew what he wanted done and that it would be done by next week. I got this, dude, just back off. Hey, Fivesixer , remember when you were saying that more people than you thought probably had GC and up ratings blocked? I think you were right. I've had a few people mention that they can't see my blog anymore because it's rated GC. It's probably for the best that they can't see it though, because they blocked GC and up for a reason. I just tell them I've gotten way more offensive and it's for the best. I haven't heard from anyone in my family since Easter, which was, like a week ago. Well, five days ago or something. Kind of awkward. My brother's birthday is coming up in a couple weeks so I'll see them again then, probably. I don't know. I might just see if he wants to do something outside of the normal family dinner thing. His girl probably wouldn't let him though because I'm a bad influence on someone who's way older than me. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 24, 2014 Prompt: Do you play in your daily life? What says playtime to you? My entire life is play. A better question would be, "Do you work in your daily life?" And the answer would be, "in two hour spurts between nefarious activity". I've always supported myself, since I was a teenager. I've never lived off of the government or anything like that. I have lived with people before without paying bills, but it's always in exchange for something else. People always have ulterior motives. Even when someone acts like they're allowing you to stay with them for free, it's because you fulfill some need that they have. I try not to take things too seriously, much to the annoyance of those around me. I don't feel like dealing with overly emotional people telling me that things are "serious business". I like to play my music and chill out. I like to sleep in and stay up late. Those are things that signify play to other people probably, but to me, it's just a lifestyle. I feel like as long as I'm financially supporting myself, I should be able to play however and whenever I want. I know there's probably something in there that I'm missing, but if I don't know what it is, I can't really miss it.    ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 24, 2014 Prompt: Which 5 characters from a novel or novels, would you have dinner with? I can't wait to read the entries. Have fun with this. I feel like I'm listing stuff a lot lately with the blog prompts. Let's see, five book characters I want to have dinner with? 1. First, I'd go with Holden Caulfield from The Catcher in the Rye. I don't know why dude catches so much flak. I get that he's immature, but who cares, I'd have dinner with him anytime. 2. Raoul Duke from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. This dinner date would probably end with jail time, but it's worth it to party with Hunter S. Thompson. 3. Jake Barnes from The Sun Also Rises because that's one of my favorite books of all time. 4. Esther Greenwood from The Bell Jar. What can I say? I like Sylvia Plath. 5. Narrator from Fight Club. Just with the hopes that Tyler Durden would come out after the appetizers. Mutilated lips give a kiss on the wrist Of the worm-like tips of tentacles expanding In my mind, I'm fine, accepting only fresh brine You can get another drop of this, yeah you wish |
Artist: Nine Inch Nails Album: Pretty Hate Machine Song: Sin [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Happy whatever day it is. What is this, Tuesday? No, it's Wednesday. I have so much to do this week. I didn't even realize how far I've gotten behind with work. I guess I'm not functional in everything. No worries though. I'll get it done. I always do.I've also compiled a list of apartments I might want to move to. I'll probably go look at some of them next week. It was funny though, I made the list last night and I looked at it this morning. I can't tell what half of the things I wrote say, which is super helpful. I'm assuming Kira will go with me to check out the places, but I'm not sure. It's weird because you go from living in a normal, drama-free way, to suddenly not knowing where you stand with people or who to trust. It doesn't take much to fall back into the life of constant fighting and scrounging around. I guess it happens. I'm going to finish some reviews, go see my guy, do some job work, then see where I'm at with my day. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 23, 2014 Prompt: What 3 favorite books would you take with you to a deserted island? Oh, this is a hard one. I have so many favorite books. Well, it has to be one that I can read over and over without getting bored. My initial instinct is to go with the longest books possible, just for the added reading material. Or maybe I should pick three books I've never read, just to experience some new reading material while I'm stranded. Okay, let's see. First choice is Lolita because that book completely changed the way I read things and it still makes me uncomfortable to read. Wait, a second. Can I bring a survival guide on how to get off of a deserted island? I don't see why not, so that's going to be my second choice. Final pick is The Sun Also Rises by Hemingway because I'd have to have a Hemingway book and that one is my favorite.    ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 23, 2014 Prompt: Write about anything that works for you that others might helpful others. It can be anything that you find helpful in your daily life from writing to cleaning or anything in between. I'm not sure if I'm fully understanding this prompt. Is it asking for something I do in my daily life that relieves stress and might help others relieve stress? Is it asking for a pro-tip like a recipe or cleaning strategy? I'm just not sure. I'm overthinking the prompt again, aren't I? I think what works for some people won't work for others. I know my lifestyle wouldn't mesh well with most people's. I do a lot of things that aren't regarded very highly. For example, I sleep a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I sleep at night at somewhat normal times, when it's dark out or whatever. But I also sleep throughout the day. I'm up pretty late, but I sleep kind of late too. Then I'll be up for a while. Start my day, eat, do some work. Then I usually fall asleep at some point in the afternoon or evening. Not like a nap though, I straight crash out. Then I'll be awake again for a while, then asleep again. I don't know why I sleep like that, but it works for me. I still don't think I'm understanding the prompt, but I'm still going to keep writing about it. Another thing I do is try to split my hobbies up. I have a lot of hobbies, so it's hard to keep up with them, especially with all the sleeping I do. But say, for example, I want to write, read, and play bass in one day. Well, I have to work too, so that takes up a minimum of five hours a day, depending on what deadlines I have to meet. So what I'll do is give half an hour to reading. If after that, I'm not feeling it, I'll move on to playing guitar for half an hour. If that works better, I might keep playing for an hour or so. Then I'll move on to writing. If I'm not feeling the inspiration, I go back to reading and just repeat the circle until sleep finds me. I find that I get more accomplished when I'm not trying to force myself to do something that is supposed to be a stress reliever. These are just little ways I go about my day, but mostly, I sleep. I'm just an effigy to be disgraced, To be defaced, Your need for me has been replaced. And if I can't have everything, well then, just give me a taste. |
Artist: Oasis Album: (What's the Story) Morning Glory Song: Champagne Supernova [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics What up, guys? I hope you all had a good holiday weekend with your families. Mine started out well enough. Kira came home and spent the night with me on Saturday. It was so nice to just be able to lay in bed and hold her. I was trying really hard not to use that night out of respect of her being there despite our current situation. I did pretty good, too, but I woke up so dope sick Sunday morning. She had made breakfast and I couldn't even eat. I had to go straight to the bathroom and get my fix. It really sucked to disappoint her like that and not be able to eat her Easter breakfast. My parents had invited us over for dinner Sunday afternoon for the holiday. I really didn't think it was a good idea to go, but Kira pretty much insisted that we go. I thought she was trying to keep up appearances or something and figured we could go over for an hour or so then come back home. It's an hour drive each way, too, so it was nice to spend the time with her on the way out. We've always liked driving in the car and listening to music. It was a nice, peaceful drive and we didn't argue about anything. So we get there and I walk into the house and right away, I know that everyone knows I've relapsed. I can tell just by the looks on their faces. I turned around and looked at Kira, but she was avoiding eye contact. I was so furious that she told them. I almost just left. But my entire immediate family was there- my brothers, my grandparents, and my parents. I go in and sit down at the dining room table and everyone is mingling and talking. Kira brings a plate of food in and puts it down in front of me, but I just push it away. I don't eat very much when I'm using. It's actually a pretty rare thing. Everyone else came in and sat down with their food. My brother sat next to me on one end of the table and we were talking about how my niece is doing in kindergarten. My dad sat down at the other end of the table and Kira was next to me. We were all just talking and I started relaxing, but my dad was looking at me the whole time like this ಠ╭╮ಠ So we're having our conversation and everyone finishes their food, then my brother's girl started talking about having to get a TB test at work. She was talking about how she's so afraid of needles and she has been putting it off for a couple weeks. Then my grandma started talking about how she hates needles and how painful the rabies shot was that she got one time. My dad chimes in for the first time in the whole meal and says, "Yeah, most people don't like needles, but Charlie does." I just rolled my eyes and moved on with the conversation. Not even five minutes later, we had all changed the subject and my mom was talking about some trip she's wanting us all to take together next month. I asked how long they wanted to go for and my dad interrupted and said, "Oh no, you won't be able to go. The last thing we need is you 'getting sick' in the car." He did the air quotes with it. I got so pissed off. I was just like, "Okay, do you have something to say to me?" All at once, everyone started talking about different things and trying to distract us. I was like, "Seriously, if I want to go on a vacation, I can go on my own. I don't need your money." My mom started freaking out and said, "We'll just talk about it when it gets closer. Let's just talk about it when it gets closer." My dad was off at that point though and he said something like, "Well, I think it's sad that your wife has to stay with her in-laws within the first year of marriage." I was like, "What the fuck are you talking about?" Kira jumped up and ran to the bathroom and my brother's girlfriend ran after her. I was so confused and just wanted to get out of there. But, as it turns out, Kira hasn't been staying with her friends from work, she's been staying at my parents' house which is, like, the ultimate betrayal to me. I was already pissed that she told them about my relapse. I have shit under control. It's so unnecessary to get everyone involved. I told my mom that it's completely absurd that I wasn't allowed to live with them when I was a minor, but Kira is staying with them now. She isn't even related to them. I hate when people try to gang up on you. I'm in the entrance area putting my shoes on and my mom is talking to me and trying to get me to stay, but it's clearly time for me to leave. Kira comes out and then everyone is standing around the foyer area trying to calm the situation down. So I get my shoes on and I ask Kira if she's coming with me. She kind of looks around and my dad is like, "No, she's staying with us until you go to rehab." My mom told him to just be quiet and go into a different room, so then they start arguing and he's saying that everyone is on my side and all this stuff. I think his exact words were, "If you're all going to be okay with this then you might as well start planning his funeral." Kira and my mom started crying. My oldest brother is trying to be a mediator. It was just a mess, a real scene, you should've seen it. My dad's all dramatic and saying, "You're going to kill him if you don't all put your foot down." I was like, "Kira, come on, let's just go." She came over and slipped her shoes on, so I gave my other family members a hug and we left together. So, that was my Easter. The positive side is, I've got Kira back at home with me now. For how long, I don't know, but I'll take what I can get. I'm so angry that my dad would try to tell my family members that it's their fault if I die. No one can force me to get clean. If something happens to me, it's my fault. If it hadn't been for him throwing a fit, we all could have had a nice holiday together. I already know everyone's opinion on my problem, so it's completely unnecessary to keep making comments and trying to start a fight. I get it, you don't like my problem, move on. Instead he wants to make everyone in the family take sides, which is completely unfair to them. I'm just happy to have her home with me and I'm happy my connect was where I need him. Today is a good day. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 21, 2014 Prompt: What's the funniest thing you've ever heard a child say? Oh, man, my niece says funny stuff all the time. She's only six, but she has the biggest attitude I've ever seen. You'll ask her how school is going and she'll put her hands on her hips and say, "Um, I don't know, but I have a ton of friends." If you ask her if she wants ketchup she'll say, "Well, duh." The funniest thing she ever said was at Thanksgiving when I couldn't get the microwave to work. It was on some weird setting and nothing happened when you pushed the buttons. She was standing there being all inquisitive and I said something to my mom about the microwave not working. My niece said, "Maybe you should unplug it and plug it back in." Five years old and already giving tech advice. Why didn't I think of that?    ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 21, 2014 Prompt: Talk about your personal relationship with music; this is not about who your favorite artists and songs are, but more about...what types of music affect you in what ways. Also talk about your own musical talents...Do you play any instruments? Can you sing? Do you sing anyway? Oops, missed this prompt earlier. Okay, so let's see, you don't want me to list my top three hundred bands. Are you sure, Brother Nature ? I can do that for you, if you want. So, this is my topic. Music is a really big part of my life. I'm always listening to music. I fall asleep listening to music every night, I wake up and turn it on while I do whatever I'm doing that morning. I listen to it while I work. I listen to it while I write. I'm trying to think of the last time I wasn't listening to music. I even listen to it when I'm in the shower.I get on kicks of certain bands or a certain genre and that's all I'll listen to for several weeks straight. I'm a rock listener. I don't listen to country, jazz, rap, etc... But, I listen to a ton of different genres within the rock genre. Sometimes I'm in a post-punk mood and it's all Joy Division, The Cure, Bauhaus. Wait. I'm listing bands. When did that start? I'm not supposed to do that. The point is, I get on kicks of music when I'm in a certain mood. If I'm in a bad frame of mine, I'll listen to depressing ass music. If I'm ready to party down, it's all upbeat stuff. Right now, I'm basically only listening to nineties music, which tends to happen a lot. I go back and forth between only listening to 90's rock to only listening to classic rock. I read the lyrics of the songs I listen to, so the writing of it is really important to me. I don't really listen to that much recent music, but I do like the Arctic Monkeys. Music helps me relax and I match it with my mood. If I'm angry, the music is angry. If I'm upbeat, so is the music. I've never been one of those people who listens to upbeat music when I'm down as a means to cheer up. That would never work for me. I play bass guitar and piano. I play guitar, too, but I like bass more. I like to be able to feel the music when I'm playing. I only play piano because my mom made me when I was younger. I still enjoy it, but I stopped playing for a long time and just started again a couple years ago. I hated playing when I was younger. I'm still not as good as I should be at it, given how long overall I've been playing. I like to jam with my bass the most though. I have to split my time up between playing music, writing, and working. I try to do it like three-way, but I've been not doing that not at all the last couple weeks. I'm definitely not a singer, but I still do it. If I'm covering a song, I'll sing along a little bit, just to get the rhythm down. I think everyone should sing to their heart's desire, even if they suck. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 21, 2014 Prompt: "There is creative reading as well as creative writing." Ralph Waldo Emerson Define creative reading from your personal point of view? I've never heard this one. Interesting. I think there is a difference between writing and creative writing, so I guess this is just the opposite. When I write out stuff for work, I'm just writing words down. There's no emotion, no feeling behind them. It's just things I need to remember. I think you can read the same way, with no feelings invested in the words that you read. To read creatively, you have to be able to throw your mind, heart, and soul into what you're reading. If the story takes place on a farm in the 1800's, you have to put yourself on a farm in the 1800's. When the author introduces you to a new character, you have to shake their hand. You have to care about the outcome of a situation with the characters. This is, in part, the author's job to make their characters interesting enough to care about. But the reader has to do some of the work, too. A good example would be reading a book for school and having absolutely no interest in it. I read Animal Farm in eighth grade and I was so bored. I understood the concept of the book, I just did not care. It was 'lame'. I just wanted to finish each chapter as quickly as possible so I could pass the test and move on to the next chapter. I avoided that book for the longest time because of the experience I had when reading it for school. I read it again several years later and it was like reading a completely different book. I saw things in it that I couldn't see the first time around because I wasn't reading creatively. I wasn't being open to humor and sarcasm in the book- two things that I love the most when reading. The bottom line is, if you're not going to give your heart to what you're reading, you aren't reading creatively and you aren't going to enjoy it to its full potential. How many special people change? How many lives are living strange? Where were you while we were getting high? Slowly walking down the hall Faster than a cannonball Where were you while we were getting high? |
Artist: Tool Album: Undertow Song: Sober [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lyrics Hey guys. I hope you're all having a good start to your Easter weekend. I think a lot of people will probably be off today for Good Friday. You'll all probably be busy this weekend with Easter and your family and all that fun stuff. I've had, like, a moment of clarity today, which happens sometimes. I went to my dealer yesterday, and, well... Wait, first, I'm going to have to go back in time a little bit. I had this connect last year and he moved in the fall. When he moved, he hooked me up with the guy where he got all his stuff. It was kind of weird because it's, like, this wealthy guy in his fifties. He owns his own business at his house, like, a legit business. So I just go in, give my name and get called back. I get my stuff and I leave. I don't know how many people he does this with because he was really paranoid to deal with me. I think he mostly deals to other dealers, which I'm not. I was kind of paranoid of the guy, too, because you just meet him at his house and he has a business up front, with a receptionist and everything. It feels really weird and I don't know how many of the other people are "customers" the way I am. So the first few times I went there were really weird and I think we were both equally paranoid of each other. I thought the guy was straight, too, which is kind of weird. I mean, most dealers use half and sell half or whatever. But I went there one day back in November and dude was coked out of his mind. Sweating through his button up in, like, thirty degree weather. He had a little window AC unit in his office blasting cold air and I was like, what the actual fuck? Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, we've had a bit of a bumpy relationship from the start because the whole thing didn't sit well with me. I couldn't believe it when my connect told me that's where he got his stuff from. I thought he was trying to set me up or something. So, I go in yesterday and I get called back to his office. This is a place where you would have a lot of repeat customers, but probably not everyday and I haven't really seen a lot of the same people in there. I go back and he's like, "You need to stock up because I'm going out of town this weekend." He has an ex-wife that lives with his kids a state over, so he's driving over to spend the weekend with them. No big deal, right? I mean, I didn't think anything of it. He said he'd be back Monday, hopefully, but maybe Tuesday. He's not sure. So, you have to think of this through my mind. It's Thursday. I need at least enough to get me through Tuesday. What if he doesn't end up coming back until mid-week and I run out? So I get my stuff and he's like, "Yeah, we wouldn't want you to withdrawal, bro" and he kinda pats my back. I went home thinking, Okay, I only need this much today. I don't need any more today. Okay, one more time. Okay, now I'm good. No more for today. Oh, shit. Just one more and I'm done for the night... So, I basically spent all of yesterday nodding. Out of nowhere, it was like, one o'clock in the morning and I couldn't figure out what happened with the day. But I started thinking about it today and I was like, I should totally go over there right now and see if he's home. Ya know, not to get mad or anything, but just to see if he was lying about going out of town. Think about it, because it's genius. Tell the junkie that you're not going to be in town for several days, so, "you better load up, bro". You know they'll use it all and be back as soon as they can for more. Self control is just not my forte. So, what if he didn't go out of town at all? At the very least, he's going out of town and he'll be back Sunday night, but he's saying, "Yeah, I might not be back until mid-week next week", knowing that you're going to get a lot because you don't want to start withdrawal and not be able to find your connect. I didn't end up going over there because I started thinking I'd look like a psycho, and I'm not mad anyway. But that's a good business strategy. Fucking genius. I mean, my moral compass is wobbly at best, but that's even to the left of mine. I would never do that to someone. I've never introduced anyone to drugs and I'll even play them down to people who are curious. Really, opiates aren't that great. The first time, yeah, it's the best feeling you will ever experience. But soon enough, you're just using to stay normal and so you don't get sick, then you'll have a few days out of the week where you use a lot to get that actual high feeling again. I don't know, man, but that's a good idea if you want to get more money outta someone. Anyway, I just thought I'd mention that because it has been on my mind today. Thanks again for your comments on my last entry. I agree, Fivesixer . ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy definitely has a lot of perspective on a topic like this. I can't see myself doing anything like what she's describing, but I guess you never know what's going to happen. She's pretty smart. All of you guys are. I know that you guys are right, for the most part. I keep thinking, Yeah, I'm going to get sober. But the second withdrawal starts to kick in, it's pretty much over.Thanks for your comment on my last post, lizco252. I couldn't agree more that drinking is seen as something that fun, cool people do. It's like doing drugs is crossing a line, when really, they're the same thing, in my opinion. I'm not saying that your DOC is worse than mine, but alcohol is still a drug of choice. I know there are a lot of functioning alcoholics, but people don't seem to believe in functioning drug addicts. Really, it's so much easier to tell when someone is drunk than when they're on drugs, especially if it's a downer. On a good day, like today, someone who hasn't used or been around users would never know that I was using. I mean, if it was yesterday, they'd know because I was nodding and wouldn't be able to hold a conversation. But I can go to the grocery store and not a single person would be able to tell. The signs are so minute. With alcohol, there is usually a smell and some slurred speech, even in functioning drinkers. It is a disease though, just like drug addiction is a disease. Maybe you don't want to quit, too. Of course, that doesn't make you a moral/human failure. I've been treated like shit in medical environments because I'm a drug user. I've had a nurse ask me if I want to start my own IV because I have track marks. It makes getting help so much harder because I don't want to be looked down upon like that. It's embarrassing. It's much easier to just hope the junkies OD or end up jail, because who cares about them, right? Don't worry, I'm off my soapbox, but I love you too. Oh, wait, I almost forgot to say, blainecindy, I loved your issue of the Blog City Chronicle today. Awesome stuff. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 18, 2014 Prompt: Describe the wackiest but most useful advice you've ever received. This could be interesting! I have one for this, but I don't know if it's really advice. I mean, it's like, life advice on keep a positive outlook. I guess that should count for something. You know the old question of optimism vs. pessimism: Is the cup half full or half empty? I was told that it doesn't matter which way you see it, just pour it into a smaller cup and you're good again. There's nothing wacky about that though, it's just a fact.I guess my advice just isn't that wacky. I have another one though that I finally realized after moving a million times. I was moving out of an apartment I was staying in and I had all of my clothes hanging up in the closet. I was complaining about how I hated just throwing them in the backseat because they get all tangled up and the hangers fall out or whatever. My roommate just brought a trash bag in and put it around a bunch of the clothes like this  . I thought she was the smartest person ever. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** April 18, 2014 Prompt: April 18 is International Jugglers Day when the skills of jugglers are celebrated. Prompt: Have you ever attempted to juggle anything either literally or figuratively? What was the results? I think we all figuratively juggle things in life. I don't know anyone who isn't doing ten things at once. Even with my current issues, I'm still working and planning a move. I don't have kids, but I know a lot of parents juggle raising kids, working, and going to school all at once. I'm not in school right now, though I should be. I left because of 'personal issues'. I was just doing my generals though. I'll be back.I hear about people on here all the time though that are raising kids, working, taking care of their elderly parents, taking care of their sick kids, etc... I don't know how you guys do it. I get overwhelmed when given the slightest amount of responsibility. I do admire it though. As far as physically juggling. I have a funny story about that. I was in class once. It was my sixth grade History teacher and she was a really difficult woman to get along with. She was super strict and dreadfully boring to boot. She was talking about Louis and Clark or something like that one day and I started juggling those pencil-top erasers.  I had just gotten the flow going when this batshit old woman comes up and straight knocks them away from me mid-air. In that moment, she was like Hakeem Olajuwon because I didn't catch any of them. They just went all over the place and everyone had a good laugh about it, thus ending my juggling career.I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile. I will only complicate you. Trust in me and fall as well. I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave, I will work to elevate you Just enough to bring you down. |
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