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 |  My first blog! |
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A Haunted Place  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Who Am I? Ghoulish and dark, serious and intense Okay, I may have exaggerated a little bit! I'm not that gloomy and miserable. I do know how to have fun and I love to laugh. This is my first blog and I've set it up to help motivate myself to write every day... well, almost every day... well, more often than I write now.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I'm docked at "Blog Harbor from The Talent Pond"  , a safe port for bloggers to connect. |
I just watched the third semi-final of Britain’s Got Talent and I thought the talent quality was kind of low tonight. I loved Stavros Flatley in the first round but I didn’t think they were as funny this time. I was still rooting for them though, right up until the Dad went into his little ‘I’m proud to be dancing with you, son’ (or whatever it was) speech that is. Cringe. I’m sure he does feel that way but it was blatantly an attempt to win over the public. Or am I just being cynical?! I don’t get that Shaheen kid. He was quite good in the first round but he just came out on stage and wailed tonight and everyone went crazy.  I wanted the dance group to go through, even though there are already two better dance groups in the final. They gave the best performance out of all of tonight’s acts in my opinion.I’ve had such a crappy day. I travelled back to Uni by train and it took three hours when usually it takes just under an hour. Then I went out to take some photos for my last piece of coursework and these creepy guys decided to call out and leer at me. It was pretty unsettling. When I got back my camera phone decided to be a little bitch and wouldn’t let me transfer the photos over to my computer. I was practically in tears at that point because I was so stressed! I eventually managed to sort the phone out thank goodness. My assignment is due in on Thursday and I’ve barely even started it. I’m totally stuck. I’m so scared I’m going to fall at the last hurdle.  The final entry for Follow the Leader has been posted. It has left me kind of stumped! I’m sure I’ll come up with something though. If not tonight, then hopefully tomorrow! Nobody has commented on my last few blog entries so I feel like I’m talking to myself these days! I hope people are reading. But now I’m worried I’m too boring! |
Following "Invalid Item" by Dark Lady  .I believe that the answer of “fine” to the question “how are you?” has become so ingrained in the human psyche as the correct and only answer to that question that it needs a name—something fancy like, The Fine Phenomenon. And it’s a weird one! I had counselling about a year ago and my counsellor would always begin the session by asking “how are you?” Even in that situation, when I knew the person wanted a genuine answer and I knew it was acceptable to be honest, the word ‘fine’ would fight to release itself from my lips. It was bizarre. I came to dread that question so much I’d find ways to avoid having to answer it. Yeah… I did great in counselling. One thing I’ve noticed is that there are different kinds of “how are yous” and “fines”. The most common one, I believe, is the bright and breezy, almost sing-song “hello, how are you?” “Oh fine, how are you?” “Oh I’m fine!” All smiles and happy voices. Yes, it is almost certainly insincere, but it is polite. Then there’s the “how are you?” asked in a low voice with emphasis on the last word. I think this one is mostly used for the bereaved. The person asking the question wants to convey care and concern but also wants to keep a metaphorical distance. That’s why they ask the generic question and expect the standard answer. The bereaved will usually answer with a “yes, I’m fine thanks” or “fine… getting there, you know?” or words to that effect. It is usually accompanied by a small sigh and/or wry smile which basically means: how the hell do you think I am you moron?! There’s the less common “how are you doing?” which is used for people who are going through difficulties. The extra word is an attempt to convey understanding, I think. Of course the vagueness of the question implies the asker would rather not be given a real or detailed answer. No need to worry though—the response of “fine” is usually terse, given in a let’s-not-pursue-this-any-further tone of voice. However, a sigh may be given along with the answer here too. But in this case it probably means the answerer wishes they could give a real answer but know they can’t. Of course there is the ”how are you!” given with an enthusiastic squeal. This is used when two people who haven’t seen each other for ages bump into each other. The answered “fine” is usually equally excitable and then a brief summary of what each person has been up to is perfectly acceptable. Listening to this summary is not a requirement. There is a way to ask a genuine "how are you?" where a real answer is expected but I'm not sure how to describe the tone. It's very rare! I think in those cases the answerer instinctively knows that they can answer truthfully. A "fine" may still escape first, or at least attempt to escape, even if the person is less than fine, but then the real answer can be given. There are probably hundreds of variations depending on different situations so if anybody wants to add any of their own please feel free to comment. It probably varies from region to region or country to country too. It really is a fascinating topic that needs further research! |
| It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog entry that wasn’t for Follow the Leader. I feel like a rant so I don’t care that I’ve blogged twice today already. It has been an irritable kind of day. I blame the heat! I hate hot weather and today has been unbearably hot. The day has also been fraught with stress and tension. My sister and her boyfriend are thinking of getting a place together, but his parents aren’t keen on this idea and have been causing “trouble” and making things difficult for them. There have been so many tears... and tantrums. I had to write my response to katwoman45 ’s lead entry (see below) right in the middle of one. My Mum has been annoying too, getting on my case and telling me I need to start sorting out what I’m doing after Uni and where I’m going to live etc. I don’t need this kind of crap at the moment when I’m stressed about my final assignment. I’ll plan the rest of my life in my own time, and after that last piece of work is in thank you very much. My brother and his girlfriend are here at the moment, and she has irritated me too. She acts as if I don’t exist. We nearly bumped into each other as I was coming out of the kitchen and I apologised but she didn’t even acknowledge me. I don’t know what her problem is! It isn’t shyness either as she’s perfectly talkative and civil to the rest of my family. There’s a bunch of other things that have annoyed me today but I don’t feel like sharing them at the moment. I’ve realised that I’m not the sort of person who speaks out when they’re upset. I thought I was, but I’m not. I’ve had some kick-arse conversations where I set everyone straight and put right all wrongs but unfortunately they all take place in my head (or I just rant in my blog). I can’t believe I’ve only just noticed this. I know it isn’t healthy to keep everything bottled up inside. It’s going to be one hell of a mess when I finally explode. I’m writing this entry in a word document (I prefer to do that) and the spelling thingy seems to be stuck on US English so all my -ises keep getting changed to -izes. It doesn’t like the word ‘arse’ either. I’ve tried to change the setting to UK English but it just changed itself back. What an ass (happy?!  ) Grrr.  |
| This is a bonus challenge for "Follow the Leader" . The task was to come up with a bonus challenge that could be used in future rounds. Here's mine: Write an entry as if you are writing from a period of history. You can write from the perspective of a famous historical figure, for instance Henry VIII, or you can write as if you were living during that time. I hope that makes sense! I forgot about this bonus challenge and didn’t realise it has to be in by 5 today. This is the best I can come up with in such a short space of time. I think I'll have to pass on following it myself as I don't want to rush it and can't think of anything to write at the moment! |
| Following "A Good Friend" by katwoman45 . katwoman45 ’s lead entry is about friendship. I blogged a little bit about my two closest friends in my last entry. It probably sounds weird but it took me a while to get used to them and the way they treat me. When I go home for weekends or for the holidays I sometimes receive text messages from them asking me how I am. No other reason than that! They just want to know how I'm doing. I can't believe it! I’ve never had that before. I've never had friends who make me feel like I matter.I went home the weekend the last Harry Potter book came out and went at midnight to get my copy. I was so surprised to get a text message from my friend E before I left saying have fun. She hates Harry Potter but still took the time to do that because she knew how important it was to me and how excited I was. Both E and C contacted me the evening after to ask me what I thought of it. Speaking of Harry Potter, I’m re-reading the series at the moment. I’m such a huge fan and have read the books countless times. They pretty much kept me going through school! I wouldn’t admit that anywhere else except here but I think fellow avid readers and writers will understand the need to use books as an escape. That’s what it was. That’s why the series is still so special to me now. In the books, the students are sorted into houses at their school of magic depending on character traits they possess and/or value. I always wanted to be in Gryffindor! I think that is because Harry and his friends are in Gryffindor and most of the best characters are or were—Dumbledore, the Weasleys, Lupin, Sirius etc. Gryffindors value courage and nerve. Now I’d rather be a Hufflepuff!  Hufflepuffs aren’t really taken seriously and the house is seen as a bit of joke I think. But I don’t care! They value hard work, fair play and loyalty. That fits me much more! (If you have no idea what I'm going on about, read the books!)Loyalty is the quality I value most in others (when they have it)… and myself. I’m an extremely loyal person. If you’re my friend you can depend on me to always be there for you, no matter what. I’ll always do my best for you. Sometimes that may not seem like much, when I’m stressed or depressed for example, but I never give anything less than 100% effort when it comes to my friends. And I expect the same in return. Maybe that’s the reason I’ve been hurt so many times. My standards are too high! I think I’m going to shut up now, before I embarrass myself even more! I can’t believe I just blogged about Harry Potter to help me talk about loyalty and friendship! |
Following "The Last Time I Saw Richard" by Cappucine  .My sister is trying to get me to join Facebook. She thinks it’s a good way to stay in touch with friends. I don’t really want to join. I like to stay in touch with my friends by meeting up with them. What’s the point in talking with people on Facebook when I could go to the cinema with them, for example, or talk to them in person instead? That’s not the only reason I don’t want to join though. The main reason is that I don’t want people from my past trying to get back in touch with me. My school “friends” treated me like shit and I do not want these people back in my life. I cut off contact with everyone from school when I started University and I spent my first year trying to get over what they did to me. I was extremely mistrustful of everyone and kept myself to myself. I made acquaintances… but not friends. Thankfully that changed in my second year when I met two wonderful people who changed my life. Actually, I think they saved my life. That may sound dramatic but it’s true. They came along at the right moment and restored my faith in people. It took time, and I don’t think I’ll ever trust as readily or to the extent I did in the past, but I no longer feel totally afraid of people. Somebody has actually tried to get back in contact with me because of facebook. She found my sister’s page and asked her to pass a message on to me. I was tempted to answer because I really want this person to know what my life is like now. I want her to know that her attempts to destroy my confidence and self-esteem weren’t entirely successful. But then I decided it’s not worth it. I have real friends now—people who care about me and treat me with respect. The past can stay in the past. |
| Following "Invalid Entry" by Jenn . Hmmm… this title makes me feel quite uncomfortable. But one of the rules of Follow the Leader is that you give your follow entries the same title as the lead… so… *shrug.* Then again, the lead entry really isn’t what it seems! It made me think about one of my friends from primary school. Her name was Ryoko and she was from Japan. I actually had a dream about her the other night, which is weird because I haven’t thought about her for ages and suddenly I think about her twice in one week! I’m starting to think maybe I should get back in touch with her. We were “best” friends (whatever that means—school kids always have to have a “best” friend don’t they? ) I used to love going ‘round her house to play. Her Mum would make these beautiful, intricate origami dolls for me and other things too, like swans and stars. I still own many of them though I think they are packed away in the loft somewhere.Ryoko and her family moved back to Japan when I was nine but we wrote to each other frequently. Well we did at first. She returned to England for a brief visit when we were around thirteen and we spent a day together. It was weird! She was so different… I’m sure I’d changed a lot too! Conversation was quite awkward and we didn’t seem to have much left in common. I felt relieved when she left. We continued to send each other Christmas cards, and we contacted each other just before we both started at our respective Universities, but that was it really. I don’t think I’ve heard from her for three or four years. It’s a shame. Maybe I’ll send her Christmas card this year. |
Following "Invalid Entry" by Lynn McKenzie  .I became a U2 fan when I was about sixteen years old. I think they had ten studio albums out at the time (All That You Can’t Leave Behind was their latest) and I made it my mission to collect them all. I was obsessed and barely listened to anything else for two years! I think Pop and Zooropa were probably the last two albums I bought (before the two newest ones that is). I immediately “got” Zooropa. Its zany quirkiness really appealed to me but I also loved that there were a couple of comfortable, very U2ish tracks as well, so it wasn’t too “out there”. On the other hand, I thought Pop was a complete disaster. I couldn’t believe I’d just wasted my money on such crap! I couldn’t believe U2 had a dud album! I was so disappointed. I pushed the CD to the back of the shelf where it proceeded to gather dust. I remember about a year later (the summer before I was due to start University) I grew tired of my music collection. I wanted to listen to something new but I had no money. I was clearing out my room in preparation for moving to my Uni town when I came across Pop again. I hadn’t forgotten that it was a pile of shit but I decided to play it anyway... because I was bored. “Discotheque” blasted out and I found myself occasionally nodding along or tapping my feet as I continued to tidy my room. The next couple of tracks played (“Do You Feel Loved” was kind of catchy and “Mofo” was plain weird... but not in a bad way!) Then came: “If God Will Send His Angels”. The beautiful, sad opening made me stop dead and I just sat and listened, really listened through the whole track, letting the gentle, haunting voice tingle up and down my spine. I loved the quiet anger and the crescendo to that incredible, explosive part that begins with ‘So where is the hope and where is the faith... and the love?’ Wow! It totally blew me away. I finished listening to the whole album and then I listened to it again... and again! I couldn’t get enough of it. Pop is now in my top three U2 albums (along with Achtung Baby and The Unforgettable Fire) and is probably in my top ten albums ever. I still can’t believe I missed out on so much listening time! But it was like a totally different album to the one I had dismissed a year ago. Weird! Of course it wasn’t a different album! I realise I’m the one who changed. I guess I just needed time to gain a new perspective... or something like that. I don’t really understand what happened but I’m so glad I gave it a second chance. |
| Following "Invalid Entry" by Acme . Acme devised a quiz for her lead entry to determine if people suffer from what she terms ‘OfcourseIcan syndrome’. So here it is with my answers (in red):1. It's your turn in FtL, but the washing isn't done, and the kids still need feeding, do you: a) Apologise profusely to your family and beg "5 more minutes!" while you type like the clappers. b) Tell the kids to grab a packet of crisps and a vimto, and tell your husband to turn his underpants inside out to gain an extra day's wear, so that you can type up an entry. c) Shoot off an email to Mood to say you'll be posting late and get on with chores d) Choose one, stick to it. No need to explain Hmmm... well I don’t have kids so this situation is unlikely to arise for me! However, if I did, or if other things came up, I’d put everything off to finish my lead entry in time. So my answer is ‘b’. 2. You work 12 hours a week, and love your job. People keep sneaking extra items of work into your tray because they, "really need this urgently". Suddenly, everything is urgent and you have 40 hours of actual work per week to fit into your time. Do you: a) Feel pleased that people recognise your commitment to work, and just get on with it as best you can. b) Cut corners on everything in order to squeeze everything in, because, let's face it, you're only human, but 'these things are URGENT!' c) Apologise to people and explain that it will have to wait until you can squeeze it in d) Explain the likelihood of their task being done shares a direct link with the likelihood of a pay-rise and increase in working hours paid. I think I’ll go for ‘c’ this time. I occasionally get emails from people here on WDC asking me to review their work. Recently I’ve had to email people telling them I’m too busy and I’ll get to their item as soon as I can. I still have four reviews to do. I feel bad that I’ve kept people waiting this long but it can’t be helped at the moment.  3. You receive a monetary gift from someone who adds that it is for you to pamper yourself with. Do you: a) Buy them a thank you card and thoughtful gift with it b) Spend it on the kids/partner/those little things that are broken and need replacing c) Thank them. Spend half as requested, and half on a necessity. d) Pamper yourself. Definitely ‘c’. As a student, a monetary gift would really come in handy to put towards necessities! But I’d also want to treat myself, as requested. 4. Someone asks the dreaded direct question, "Can you _____ ?", at the most inconvenient time. Do you: a) Say, "Yes" and worry later about how the heck you're going to do it b) Say, "Yes" and railroad everything else that anyone has asked you to do, because this demand is the most recent and so must be much more important than a family birthday, hospital appointment, snogging partner, etc., etc. c) Say, "I'm not sure. Let me check and I'll get back to you." d) Say, "No." I think probably ‘a’. I always want to help people and please everybody so I take on far too much and then get stressed and anxious about how I’m going to get everything done. I got mostly Cs. Which according to Acme means I’m ‘The can-do queen’. Apparently I’m good at balancing helping others whist making sure I don’t suffer too much! I’m not sure about that. I think I definitely have some ‘OfcourseIcan’ tendencies. |
Following "Don't Stop" by spidey  .I wasn’t entirely sure how to approach my response to spidey ’s lead entry but then fate provided me with a subject to talk about in the form of my own experience with a creepy guy. It happened when I was walking down to karate yesterday. Two men, about my own age, were walking towards me and I immediately felt uncomfortable. I knew from their body language and the way they were looking at me that I wouldn’t be able to just pass by without them saying anything to me. And I just knew it would be something creepy. As they drew nearer they split up, with one moving behind me and the other stopping in front. I was really scared. Then the one in front said “do you want to see a squirrel that’s been shot?” and started to undo his trousers. What the fuck?! I didn’t say anything, just side-stepped him and hurried on. Thankfully he didn’t follow me but he did start singing an extremely imaginative rendition of ‘Old McDonald had a farm’, which went something like this: “And on that farm he had a bitch like you”. I walked on, trying to stay calm, until I got around the corner and then I ran. I was terrified that they’d come after me. Even though I do karate and feel fairly confident in my ability, I was still scared. Like Spidey I’m sick and tired of guys treating me like that. I hate that men have this power over me—this ability to frighten and intimidate me. I hate that I’m vulnerable because I’m a woman. I never feel safe when I’m out by myself, especially in the evening. I’m so sick of feeling afraid! If you’re a man and you’re out walking late and you see a woman walking towards you or in front of you or whatever, please cross over to the other side of the road if you can because chances are she’s terrified of you. |
| Following "Invalid Entry" by ruthking. Ruth talks about revising for a chemistry test in her lead entry. I have always loved science and am just one exam and one assignment away from finishing my degree in Animal Biology and Conservation. This time tomorrow I will have one assignment left. My exam tomorrow is a viva voce, which is Latin for “live voice”. Basically that’s just a posh name for an oral exam! I have to give a brief talk on my research paper (which I submitted the other day, see "Invalid Entry"  ) and then answer questions on it. I’m pretty scared but the whole thing will only last about twenty minutes and then I’ll be even closer to graduating. My time at University has been extremely tough and I can hardly believe I’ve made it this far!I agree to some extent with Ruth that two heads are better than one when it comes to studying. Sometimes it helps to have someone else around so you can bounce ideas off them. I generally study alone because I’m very easily distracted. It is harder for me to focus if someone else is in the room; I’d much rather talk to them then get on with my work! However, I’m glad Mark C ~ 9 years on WDC! is staying with me at the moment so he can help me prepare for my viva and ease my nerves a little bit!Ruth mentions in her entry that her teacher doesn’t explain things clearly. This brought back some bad memories for me! Pretty much all my science teachers at school were useless. I remember one biology teacher just used to read to us from a text book every lesson. If a student asked her a question and the answer wasn’t in the text book, she often couldn’t answer it. I did chemistry at GCSE level (the qualifications you study for between the ages of 14-16 in England) and in the first year of my A levels (the qualifications you can study for after leaving school). I absolutely hated it! I had four different teachers over the three years I studied this subject and they were all useless. I barely learned anything. At first I thought this was my fault because I was stupid or something. I now know I’m not stupid so I blame the teachers! Teachers can have such an impact. I was totally rubbish at physics in the first year of my GCSEs and only got grade D and E in my mock exams. Then in my second year we got a new teacher and he was absolutely amazing! Suddenly physics was fun. Suddenly it was understandable! He was passionate about the subject and really knew his stuff; not once did he have to refer to the text book. I ended up getting a B for GCSE physics and was eager to study it in Sixth Form. Unfortunately, when I started my A levels we got a new (useless) teacher and physics became dull, complicated and incomprehensible again. I ended up dropping the subject. I often wonder why some of my teachers chose that profession. They didn’t seem to have any interest in their subject and had no idea how to teach it. They’d just tell you to open the text book and read chapter whatever, then leave you to it. Since when is that teaching? We need more people like my old physics teacher in our schools! |
| Following "Invalid Entry" by c.t.moon. c.t.moon begins her lead entry by talking about the rain. If I hadn’t already blogged about my love of rain ("Invalid Entry" ) I’d probably make that the focus of this entry! It rained today and Mark and I went out in it to the shops. We got absolutely drenched! I love the sky when it’s raining, whether it’s made up of brooding black clouds or just the empty grey blankness CT describes. I think it’s just because it matches my mood most of the time! But thunder storms are the best! (Except when my dogs get scared ). I love how dramatic and unpredictable the sky is during a storm and the atmosphere just seems to tingle with excitement and anticipation. Anticipation of what... I don’t know! I wrote a poem about a storm. I’m pretty proud of it so I’m going to (shamelessly) plug it here:The oppressive afternoon heat gathers in the folds of velvet enshrouding the sun. Wind pours through the tops of trees— a long, drawn out shush— before a dramatic roll of thunder echoes from unfathomable inkiness. Veins streak across the undulating clouds, splitting the sky, permitting a glimpse of paradisal glow. Framed by the window, we watch in awe as the heavens morph into a breathing, pulsing, raging beast: nature’s uncontained madness. "Invalid Item" [] by A Guest Visitor c.t.moon goes on to talk about feeling disturbed by a blank canvas. A blank canvas doesn’t particularly disturb me. Sometimes it inspires me. Mostly it just irritates me. Especially when I don’t know how to fill it! I always feel a need to fill it, and I can’t really explain that. But whenever I’ve been too bored in a lecture to take notes, I just doodle instead. I can’t leave the page blank! My writing notebooks are filled with stupid little drawings too, which document my periods of writer’s block. The idea of people being blank canvases to begin with is a great one. And I guess we are all artists, in a sense, adding something to the canvases of all the people we meet. I really hope that doesn’t sound dodgy! Anyway, this particular canvas isn’t blank anymore and I think I have filled it with enough of my ramblings to be going on with!  |
| Following "baby" by mood indigo . mood indigo ’s entry reminded me of something that happened about a year ago. I was walking back from the shop when it was pouring down with rain, and suddenly this little girl came running out of a house, up the driveway and onto the path towards me. She was about five or six years old, had dark hair, adorable big brown eyes and was wearing a beautiful red and blue sari. Despite the rain her feet were bare and she had an expression of sheer delight on her face. I smiled at her and she giggled, then dashed past and went into another house.That memory has stayed with me because it was the moment I realised I want to be a mother. Before then I didn’t think I had any “maternal instinct”. I didn’t even like kids really! Well, I liked babies, but I was always perfectly happy to hand them back over to their mother after five minutes! But now... I go all gooey inside when I see babies and young children. I spend time thinking about what kind of parent I’ll be. I want to raise my children the way I was raised—to be free-thinkers, compassionate, well-mannered... and they’ll be readers too of course! I feel this warm glow inside when I imagine reading bedtime stories to my kids. I’ve kept many of my own childhood books so I can pass them on. I can’t wait to share The Wind in the Willows and the Harry Potter series with them!  I know I’m not ready to be a parent yet. I’m only twenty-two. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I’m still a student and don’t have a steady income. I couldn’t provide security. Also, I struggle with mental illness. I want to become a more stable person before I have a baby. How can I take care of another life when I’m struggling so much with my own? I know I have the potential to be a wonderful mother but I worry about this a lot. I worry that I’ll pass my predisposition to depression onto my children. Is mental illness hereditary? I couldn’t bear for them to go through what I’ve been through. But who knows what the future holds? Hopefully I’ll graduate from University in July and will start the next chapter of my life. All I can do is go with the flow and see what happens next! |
| Following "Invalid Entry" by 🦄🏳️🌈Sapph . I’m finding it hard to follow this entry if I’m honest. I think because the topic of equality is so huge and there are about a million and one things that could be said! 🦄🏳️🌈Sapph blogs about homosexuality and equality. I believe in equal rights of course, and I’m probably one of the least judgemental people on the planet, so I agree with a lot of what Sapph said. I’m all for gay people being allowed to get married and adopt etc. I’m glad I live in the UK where that is possible. However, I’m not sure I entirely agree with Sapph’s comments about religion. I’m an atheist and am very critical of organised religion but I don’t judge religious people anymore than I judge homosexuals, if that makes sense. I know many religious people who are open-minded and support gay rights so I don’t think it is helpful to generalise when it comes to this ‘topic’. I’m not sure I’m being particularly coherent here, so I think I’ll move on. I don’t believe the world is ever going to be an equal place. Things just don’t work like that! Where there are different beliefs, cultures, lifestyles etc, there are going to be conflicts. But of course we should never stop trying to achieve equality. Anyway, I haven’t even come close to saying what I want to say on this subject so I think I’m just going to give up. I may return to it in the future when I feel more able to get my thoughts around it. |
| Following "Invalid Entry" by Mark C ~ 9 years on WDC! , Hmmmm... I don’t think I’d be any good at walking a tightrope while juggling but I’d certainly give it a go! I’ve done some pretty mad, extreme things like abseiling, rock climbing, rafting, potholing (*shudder*) etc. I don’t exactly enjoy stuff like that, I just like testing myself or pushing myself or whatever. Mark C ~ 9 years on WDC! ’s entry is about balance. In a literal sense I have pretty good balance. I can stand on one leg and tie a shoe lace, for (a weird) example. It is important to have good balance for karate too, especially for kicking. My karate instructor always says that when you kick, the leg you’re standing on is more important than the one you’re kicking with. If you can’t keep your balance and load the leg correctly, then the kick will be weak and ineffective. In a less literal sense, I’m useless at balancing. All through school, Sixth Form and University I’ve never been able to get the balance quite right between studying and leisure. I’m terrible when it comes to deadlines and almost always leave things to the last minute. I think that’s more to do with motivation though. I actually need the stress and panic of a looming deadline to motivate me to work. I find balancing stuff here on WDC difficult too. I often find myself with way too much reviewing to do and not enough time to write, or read or enter contests etc. Signing up to take part in Follow the Leader was about giving and allowing myself time to write. But now I’ve found I can’t keep up the reviewing! Oh well. Balance comes with practise, I think. I wasn’t very good at balancing the first time I attempted a kick in karate but I’m getting better the more I do it. I think it’s the same with balancing areas of life. You just need to muddle on and keep trying to achieve it! |
| So... I handed my project in today... the big research paper that has been stressing me out for over a year and a half. I’m practically crying as I type this! It has been an emotional day and I am feeling very overwhelmed. The thing is, I was supposed to do this paper this time last year but because of a death in my family and a bunch of other crap I wasn’t able to finish it. I had to take time out from my course and getting back into it this year has been one hell of a struggle. Then there was another death in my family in March and it just felt like history was repeating. There have been so many times when I just wanted to give up. But I didn’t! And I can hardly believe that I handed in my research paper today. I did it. I actually did it! Wow! I was up until 4am finishing it and I would not have been able to do it if Mark hadn’t been here to give me endless pep talks, encouragement, help and hugs!  I got up early this morning to give it one last polish and then I printed it out. There were a few last minute stresses, like my project supervisor being absent when I needed him to sign a form. But I had two copies bound and handed in before 2:30pm and it felt absolutely fan-fucking-tastic!!! I may have one exam and one assignment left before I can graduate but I can actually see the finishing line now. I’m going to make it! |
| Following "Invalid Entry" by poisonivy . poisonivy talks about running in her entry and how she is training for a 5K. I’ve always been an active, sporty person and enjoyed running when I was in school. I was better at the shorter distances though. However, the only running I’ve done since leaving school is when I’ve been late for stuff! I would like to take it up again and one of my ambitions is to run the London marathon. I like to push myself physically and see what I am capable of.I’ve been doing karate for about two and half years now and I absolutely love it! It’s by far the best sport I have ever done. Each summer there is a week-long course in Canterbury and all the clubs from the UK and overseas get together. There is six hours of karate a day, three in the morning and three in the evening. I’ve done it twice now. It’s hard. It’s more than hard! The first year I did it there were moments when I just wanted to sit down and cry! I didn’t give up though and on the last day, when someone called out ‘that’s it guys, summer school’s over’ I was still standing—just—and I’ve never felt so proud of myself in my life. It didn’t matter that my muscles were screaming or that my joints were aching, or even that I had huge open blisters on my feet.  I was absolutely euphoric. It was the best feeling in the world and I’m looking forward to experiencing it again this summer. |
| Mark C ~ 9 years on WDC! is visiting. I managed to get him to watch some of Britain's Got Talent. Just had some ice cream and blackberries! So all is right with the world tonight! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Why did I pour my heart and soul into my lead entry when I knew, just knew I’d end up regretting it? There goes Ghostranch , queen of the downhearted, depressing the hell out of everyone and getting even more depressed herself in the process. I’m not going to hide that I am totally shocked by a couple of the responses to my entry so far. There seems to be so much hatred and disdain for the homeless. I can’t face responding to these entries individually but I do want to point out that not all homeless people are in that situation because they’re lazy or trying to shirk responsibility. Not all of them beg for money only to go off and buy drugs. I read an article about a teenager who run away from an abusive home and ended up living on the streets because she didn’t know where to go to get help. But she chose to sit on a street corner, right? I mean, she didn’t have to leave home. So let us not waste our compassion on her. Fucking hell. And what about those who sell The Big Issue (a “street magazine”)? I don’t know if this is just in the UK so here’s a link if you want details: http://www.bigissue.com/. Basically The Big Issue is a project that gives homeless people the opportunity to earn a ’legitimate income’. The people who sell it aren’t begging. They’re just trying to get by. So I don’t think sweeping generalisations are helpful for this ‘topic’. Each person/situation/story is different. The man I wrote about in my lead entry wasn’t begging either. He didn’t ask anything of me. He was crouching down the side of a shop, away from the crowds. Of course I know nothing about him. I don’t know why he was there or what he was feeling. All I know is that he looked totally broken and I never want to see such suffering again. My heart went out to him. |
| Following "be careful what you wish for" by ElaineElaine . Wow! ElaineElaine ’s entry was a real eye-opener for me! I make a lot of wishes. I do that thing where you make a wish on an eyelash that’s fallen out and then blow it away. My dogs both have short black hairs that look like eyelashes when they moult, so sometimes I make wishes on those too! And of course I always pick a dandelion if I see one, make a wish then blow the seeds away... because that always works!  However, after reading Elaine’s warning, I think I’m going to be more specific in my wish-making from now on. I hope my wish to be taller doesn’t come true; I don’t want to wake up one morning and find I’m 10 feet tall!I never get the people who wish for immortality. The idea of being forever-conscious absolutely terrifies me. That’s why I don’t like the idea of heaven. I want total oblivion as a reward for getting through life! Maybe that’s just because it’s so chaotic in my mind and I want— no need—a rest from it. I think I’m in the minority though, in wishing that death brings absolute nothingness. I could go off on a tangent and explain why the idea of nothingness is so much better than the idea of some kind of afterlife, but it’s nearly 2AM here in the UK and I don’t think I’d make much sense. (Hmmmm... I wish I didn’t suffer from insomnia). Anyway, Philip Pullman explains it all so much more eloquently than I ever could in his novel, The Amber Spyglass, which I highly recommend. So, back to wishing... if I could have any wish I wanted it would be to graduate from University with a 2:1 in July. I am doing everything possible, including fighting and enduring nightly mental breakdowns, to make this wish come true. I don’t think I have ever wanted anything more in my life. I don’t think I have ever fought so hard for anything in my life. If this wish doesn’t come true... well I can’t even go there at the moment. I’m sure there’s so much more I could say on the subject of wishing but my mind is all fuzzy from stress and lack of sleep. I should have left this entry until the morning but I just got too excited! What a great topic! |
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