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 |  My first blog! |
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A Haunted Place  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Who Am I? Ghoulish and dark, serious and intense Okay, I may have exaggerated a little bit! I'm not that gloomy and miserable. I do know how to have fun and I love to laugh. This is my first blog and I've set it up to help motivate myself to write every day... well, almost every day... well, more often than I write now.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I'm docked at "Blog Harbor from The Talent Pond"  , a safe port for bloggers to connect. |
Response to "Invalid Entry" by Jenn  .I’ve never come across the word ‘furlough’ until now. It’s an interesting word and I have no idea how to pronounce it! Does the ‘—lough’ part rhyme with ‘now’ or is it pronounced as ‘low’ or ‘loh’? Maybe it’s ‘luff’ as in ‘Loughborough’. Or ‘loff’? Maybe it’s something completely different! I love words. I suppose that’s a given seeing as I’m a writer! I love playing around with them and coming up with new ones. My favourite one is ‘shozzer’ for ‘shower’. I also say ‘squash’ instead of ‘wash’ so sometimes I’ll announce to the room "I’m going to have a shozzer and squash my hair". (I don’t think it’s going to catch on somehow!) I’m weird, I know. My brain just works funny! I often get this urge to twist parts of words around too, for instance, I rarely say ‘magpie’; I say ‘pagmie’ instead. I have no idea why. I do stuff like that with words in my mind all the time and it can get bloody annoying, especially when I’m feeling stressed. Other examples include ‘fobile moan’ instead of ‘mobile phone’ ‘veletision’ instead of ‘television’ and ‘cookbase’ instead of ‘bookcase’. There are many more but enough is enough. I think I’ve done as much as cessenary to voncince any readers that I’m totally marking bad! |
| Response to "Invalid Entry" by objurgate. Time is scary. Really scary. It’s weird how it slows down and speeds up even though it’s supposed to be a constant thing. Time rules us all. It stares down at us from walls and blinks its red demonic numbers from square boxes, dictating the course of our lives. Its never-ceasing tick serves as a constant reminder that time is always passing. And that tick is so much like a heart beat isn’t it? That thought really unsettles me and I don’t know why! At the moment, for me, time is whizzing by because I have a million and one things I need to do before I move tomorrow. I should probably be doing them! I’m panicking a lot about the move for many reasons but one of the reasons I’m worried is that my internet access might be sporadic for a while and I need the internet! It fills up a lot of my time! I said to my sister recently ‘what on earth did we do before the internet?’ and I honestly can’t remember. I spend way too much time online. I like to think I spend some of it being productive, for instance, reviewing and blogging on WDC fall into the ‘productive’ category because they are forms of writing and are therefore writing practice. I’m not sure that I can justify the ridiculous amount of time spent racing my Pet in Pet Society on Facebook as… er… hand-eye coordination practice. I recently read The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger and thoroughly enjoyed it though it made my head hurt. The book is not told chronologically and I found it hard to get my thoughts around it sometimes. It was also quite terrifying in a way as the main character could not control his time travel. He was randomly pulled into the past or pushed into the future and there was nothing he could do about it. I also watched Back to the Future recently. Isn’t that a great film? A real classic! I’m sure we’ve all wished for a time machine at some point in our lives. There are many things I wish I could go back and do differently. But as the film warns, messing with the past can have serious future consequences! I think I’ll end this blog entry with a poem I wrote called ‘Time’. I’m afraid it’s rather depressing as it’s about a person who decides to really kill their time. The double nonet form seemed perfect for the theme of the poem as it creates an egg-timer shape. Each heartbeat—like the tick of the clock— reminds me that I have minutes to live. I stare at the huge, neon numbers and wait. I stand on the edge of the platform and on the edge of death. Tracks rumble as the train nears the station. I take a deep breath and cross the safety line. My surroundings fade as I take the plunge into the darkness— the unknown—a place where time stands still. (Hmmm… not sure if I should change ‘time stands still’’ to ‘time stops dead’. Can't decide if it sounds stupid!) |
| Response to "Invalid Entry" by Satuawany . I can’t sleep (of course ) so I thought I’d attempt another blog entry. I really haven’t gotten off to a good start with FtL and as I’m moving on Monday I’m not sure I’m going to be able to continue taking part. I guess I’ll just see how things go…Anyway, I’m supposed to be following Satuawany ’s lead entry so here goes!I love the guitar and really want to learn how to play it. I can play ‘Jingle Bells’ and I used to know how to play ‘Skip to my Lou’ (is that the title?) But that’s it. I’ve always been in love with the idea of being an accomplished musician but I’m just not dedicated or focused enough to actually become one. I learned to play the flute and the piano when I was a child but I don’t play anymore. I was good at both. Better than good, probably. I passed my grade one flute exam with distinction though I barely practiced at all between my lessons. The examiner left some really lovely comments on my assessment sheet and said I showed promise. I was a member of the school orchestra and enjoyed that a lot. We had a fantastic conductor who really knew his stuff and made me feel enthusiastic about music. I had a crappy flute teacher though who always got my name wrong (she called me Rebecca), so I never felt especially eager to go to my lessons. I didn’t feel inspired! (And I felt stupid every time she said something like ‘play that one again, Rebecca’ and I was too shy to tell her my name is Jessica!) I had a lovely piano teacher. She was a beautiful lady called Rosalind with grey wispy hair and twinkling eyes. She wore mismatched clothes and shawls and looked like an old-fashioned gypsy lady! Her house was full of little trinkets, candles, patchwork quilts and cushions. It looked so cosy but it was always freezing cold! Sadly she got tendonitis in her wrists and had to stop playing but she continued to teach. I can’t remember how long I played the flute and piano before I decided to give up. Maybe a couple of years? It was tough deciding to stop because I’m not really a quitter! It damaged my pride somewhat but I know it was the right decision. I wasn’t happy. I wanted to enjoy it, but I didn’t. I kept at it because I thought my Mum would be disappointed if I stopped. I don’t think I’ll ever take up the flute again and I actually sold it fairly recently. That was hard. I might start playing the piano again one day though. I always enjoyed it more and I think now that I’m older and wiser (pffftt!!!) I’ll be more willing to work hard at it. |
Response to "Invalid Entry" by grim  .When I live away from home I rarely watch television but when I’m at home I watch it all the time. It’s weird! I’ll watch countless repeats of Scrubs and Friends. I also watch the X Factor and Friday Night With Jonathan Ross. I don’t think I’m an addict though and when I move out again (which is on Monday  ) I don’t think I’m going to bother taking my tv. I’m sure I won’t miss it much and if there is anything I desperately want to see my family will record it for me. I watch a lot of films but I can just watch those on my laptop and then I don’t need to get a tv license (at least I don’t think I need one!)I thought I’d follow the ‘television’ theme of the lead entry rather than the ‘insomnia’ one because I’m always moaning about my insomnia here in my blog and in my poetry. I have a lot of poems in my port about insomnia and countless more that I haven’t put online. Plus nearly all of my poems are written when I can’t get to sleep. But yeah, I said I wasn’t going to talk about insomnia. But there isn’t much else I want to say about television either. I’m back home after visiting Mark in Cardiff and all my family have gone out so I’m feeling kind of lonely. I’m also very sad because one of our dogs, Sophie, had to put to sleep the other day when I was away. I didn’t get to say goodbye.  It feels very strange not having her around and I feel sorry for our other dog, Jade, who must be really confused.Urgh. That’s enough. I’m not really in the mood for blogging tonight; just very aware that I’m very behind with my follow entries.  |
Response to "What's Cookin'?" by Cappucine  .Food. Hmmmm. I’m not really a foodie. If eating wasn’t necessary I don’t think I’d do it--not as much as I eat now anyway! I do enjoy some food, for instance fudge, which I think is made by angels from the whipped (like how cream is whipped) light of paradise. I also love sour cream and onion Pringles which I often refer to as the ‘Savoury Pillars of Heaven’. That’s what I called the poem I wrote about this delectable snack anyway! There are a lot more foods that I dislike than like. I am a very fussy eater. I’m also a vegetarian and a poor cook, so my diet is very limited. My least favourite food is cheese. Bleh. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. It’s weird because I used to love cheese when I was a child. I hate olives too. I tried olives for the first time last year and have to agree with my friend who thinks they are ‘Devil’s food’! I really don’t like bread either... well, when it’s soft. I don’t mind toast if it’s brown bread. I remember when I ran out of brown bread so borrowed some of my flatmate's white bread to toast and it made me gag! Crusty rolls are okay. But soft bread is not okay. No. It’s too gooey. I don’t like gooey food. Although I’m a vegetarian I do actually like meat and I often get cravings, especially for spicy chicken wings, salami and spare ribs. These were my favourites back when I ate meat! I also loved bacon though the smell of it now makes me feel quite queasy. I first became a vegetarian when I was about six because I didn’t like the idea of eating animals. I soon gave into my cravings. I tried again nearly a year later and haven’t eaten meat since. That’s about fifteen years without meat! I’m quite proud of that. My reasons for not eating meat have changed slightly. Now it’s more to do with feeling uncomfortable with the conditions many farm animals are kept in and the way they are treated. I know this means I should probably forgo dairy too but I’m not ready to be a vegan yet. I hope to do it at some point in the future… I need to learn to cook first! I can put stuff in the oven but I can’t really cook, as in mix ingredients together and come up with something that’s edible. However, I tried one thing recently. I made chilli (with vegetarian mince) and it tasted fine. I’m a nervy cook though. I worry too much that I’m going to cause a fire or an explosion or something. I also approach cooking as if it’s a science when I think the best cooks probably see it as an art. But practise makes perfect and I really do want to learn how to do it. All this talk of food is making me hungry but it’s late and I’ve eaten a lot today so I probably shouldn’t eat anymore. Think I’ll go to bed instead! |
| Response to "shmeeves" by mood indigo I don’t think there is anything I love to do more than moan about things. I revel in it. I relish the bittersweet taste of a complaint as it trips off my tongue. And I’m good at it too. I can find something to moan about in any situation. For example: Family member: Aren’t we having a nice day here at the theme park? Everything is perfect--no queues, no rain, no bratty kids… Me: Yeah, but it’s way too hot isn’t it? Or… Person: Was the train journey okay? Me: Yeah, no delays or anything. There was this man on the train though who absolutely did my head in… ‘Did my head in’ means ’absolutely annoyed the hell out of me’, and is a phrase I use almost every day. I have a very low irritability threshold, especially when it comes to people. I’m always perfectly polite to humanoid irritants, outwardly I mean; inwardly I seethe and mentally smite the idiot before me to dust with a death glare. If they look away I take the opportunity to roll my eyes, which I guess is a way to stop myself from delivering the death glare… or something like that. As a world champion complainer I have about a million pet peeves. I could probably write an encyclopaedia on the subject. However, I think I’ll restrain myself and just list a few of the major ones:  Being behind with stuff and I am very behind with my Follow the Leader blog entries.  Rudeness--people who don’t say thank you when you hold a door open for them, people who don’t say please when they ask you to do something for them, shop assistants who chat to their colleagues at the same time as serving you, people who chew with their mouths open, people who don’t say excuse me please, etc, etc. Good manners don’t cost anything and they don’t take a lot of effort. They do make the world a nicer and easier place to live in though so I can’t understand why more people don’t use them.  Cyclists who do not wear helmets, especially those who cycles on roads. I don’t think I really have to elaborate on this point. The word ’moron’ nicely sums up the kind of person who would be willing to ride on a flimsy bit of metal, on a busy road, with nothing whatsoever to protect the most important part of their body. Sunbathers (who don't wear sunscreen) and those who use tanning beds/sun beds. The word ’moron’ comes to mind again… People who forget to put objects down because they are absorbed in something else. This might sound like a weird one but let me explain! Somebody might be using a remote control to flick through the television channels. Then they might come across a programme that they think could be interesting. They leave the channel on and watch a few seconds and then decide the programme is worth watching. They become so caught up in their new task that they forget to terminate the last one, resulting in the remote control remaining in their raised hand, pointing at the television, while a gormless expression spreads across the person’s face. People who write out their pet peeves in a bullet point list. |
| I came across a great poem by Rudyard Kipling today that I haven't read before: “The Power of the Dog” There is sorrow enough in the natural way From men and women to fill our day; And when we are certain of sorrow in store, Why do we always arrange for more? Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware Of giving your heart to a dog to tear. Buy a pup and your money will buy Love unflinching that cannot lie-- Perfect passion and worship fed By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head. Nevertheless it is hardly fair To risk your heart to a dog to tear. When the fourteen years which Nature permits Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits, And the vet's unspoken prescription runs To lethal chambers or loaded guns, Then you will find--it's your own affair-- But ... you've given your heart to a dog to tear. When the body that lived at your single will, With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!) When the spirit that answered your every mood Is gone--wherever it goes--for good, You will discover how much you care, And will give your heart to a dog to tear. We've sorrow enough in the natural way, When it comes to burying Christian clay. Our loves are not given, but only lent, At compound interest of cent per cent. Though it is not always the case, I believe, That the longer we've kept 'em, the more do we grieve: For, when debts are payable, right or wrong, A short-term loan is as bad as a long-- So why in--Heaven (before we are there) Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear? If I had been on my own in the house when I read it I would have bawled like a baby. I’ve certainly given my heart to a dog to tear. Our dog, Sophie, is still very ill. As well as the diabetes and blindness she may also have something called Cushing’s disease. If she does have that the vet has pretty much "recommended" that we have her put to sleep. Sophie has always been my dog really. We have a special bond! I can’t bear the thought of her not being here. She is part of our family. |
| I have been suffering badly from hayfever today. At least I hope it’s hayfever and not the start of swine flu. My head feels like it’s going to explode! I’m procrastinating at the moment. I have two reviews to do for my contest but I’m blogging instead even though I don’t really have anything to blog about. It has been a fairly boring day. I went into town with my Mum and sister and bought one book from a charity shop. I got a shiny new mobile phone yesterday so have spent a lot of today trying to figure out how to use it. It has been quite frustrating and I had to call the technical helpline which was fun. I think it is sorted out now though.August is going way too fast. I don’t want September to come! I have scary appointments in September that I don’t want to go to. Eeeeek! It is my brother’s birthday today but he hasn’t been home. I’ve decided that I’m taking my gift to him back if he doesn’t come back here before Midnight…. Joke!!! And that’s all I can think of to write so I think I should probably go and do those last reviews.... |
| It is very messy in the house at the moment for three reasons: My family are messy people My Mum is redecorating the living room and the bathroom I brought home about triple the amount of stuff I took to University in 2005 and don’t really have anywhere to put it. Mess = very stressed Jess I don’t cope well when things are chaotic and disordered. It makes my obsessive-compulsive behaviour even more ridiculous and yet again it is affecting my WDC ‘life’. I can’t comment on blogs at the moment, even though I want to. That’s partly to do with stress and partly because of that new function. It is making me anxious for some strange reason, which in turns means that I can’t seem to get past the ‘check spelling a thousand times’ stage that I usually have to go through each time I submit a blog comment. Blah. How annoying! Hopefully I’ll get over it and I’ll be able to leave comments on my friends’ blogs again soon. I am still reading the blogs of course! |
| I’m back from the week-long karate course! It absolutely flew by. It was great and I learned so much. It wasn’t as tough as I feared it would be. It was hard but I didn’t feel like I was struggling. I have a few minor injuries including cuts and blisters on my feet, a cut on my hand and a spectacular bruise on my shin. Thankfully the bruise is fading but it was a vivid reddish-purple at one point and it was massive. We had a formal dinner and disco on the last evening and unfortunately the dress I wore wasn’t quite long enough to cover it! At the dinner, a few of the senior members were giving speeches etc. I was trying to listen but I remember some of the serving staff were at our table giving out coffee and I got distracted. I tuned back into the speech to hear the words ‘a young lady from Stoke’ and then my name was called. I was so confused! I remember blushing and covering my face as everyone turned to look at me and started clapping. Then my friend said ‘you need to go up!’  I walked up to the top table and was given a box of chocolates. When I got back to my seat I turned to my friend and asked what it was for. Apparently it was for being the most improved kyu grade member!  (kyu grades are the coloured belts, i.e. non-black belts). I just couldn’t believe it! Anyone who reads my blog knows how much I love karate and how much I put into it, so to receive recognition like that meant the world to me! After that, people kept coming up to me and congratulating me and saying ‘well-deserved’ etc. I was on such a high! I think that’s the reason for my unusual behaviour later on at the disco. Yeah, I was actually sociable and… I danced.  Someone from the Estonian club asked me to dance and I thought why not let go for once and just have fun. So I did! He was kind of creepy so I thanked him and made a hasty exit after two dances. But I returned to the dance floor later with my friends! Anyway, it’s back to reality now! I’m trying to catch up on everything here at WDC. I have to do my reviews for the last round of the contest. ARGH!!! Maybe I'll do those later! |
| I’m off to Canterbury tomorrow for a week of karate. I’m pretty nervous about it because I know it’s going to be tough! I should probably go to bed seeing as it’s nearly 3am and I have to be up at about 8am. I’m not looking forward to that! I’m not looking forward to the travelling either. I got my contest reviews completed earlier. It was tough. I wish I hadn’t left them to the last minute. But the round has been judged and awarded now and everyone received their reviews. Just one more round to judge and review and then we get a break until October (I think). Yay! I hope to get back to taking part in the Simply Positive group. I haven’t been active in that group for a while and feel pretty bad about it. I also feel bad that I haven’t really been following other people’s blogs recently but I’ve been kind of depressed and haven’t felt like doing much on WDC beyond checking my emails. I hope to catch up with everyone when I get back next week. |
| …I just haven’t felt like it. I haven’t really felt like doing anything on WDC recently actually. But I need to finish the judging and reviewing for my contest and want to just generally get more involved again. I logged on this morning to find that someone has anonymously gifted me a package from SOAR. So if you are reading this, thank you so much Anonymous! I really appreciate it. I’ve been feeling quite depressed because I’m back in my hometown and I really don’t want to be here. Mark has just visited though (he went home today) and he made the first week or so back here more bearable! We had some meals out, went on some nice walks and yesterday we played badminton and table tennis. It was so much fun! I want to start playing badminton more regularly. With that and karate and all the walking I do, I should get super fit! I’m going on the week long karate summer school course this weekend and I’m starting to get scared. I’ll have missed four training sessions by then and I already feel out of condition after missing two. I think it’s going to be tougher than last year but I’ll still give it my all. I’ve successfully completed two summer schools so I already know I can do it and I certainly don’t plan on wimping out!One good thing about being back home is that I get to spend time with my family (which includes our dogs!) One of our dogs, Sophie, has diabetes and I had to do her insulin injections twice a day for a week when my Mum went on holiday. That was pretty nerve-racking but I soon got the hang of it. She doesn’t like having them, of course, but she’s really good about it and thankfully doesn’t hold a grudge! Unfortunately pretty much all dogs with diabetes end up going blind and Sophie’s vision has really deteriorated in the last few days. She keeps knocking into things and banging her nose and head. Our garden isn’t really suitable for a blind dog. It’s on three levels, with a patio, then a ledge with another patio, then a wall and the lawn. Poor Sophie has fallen off the ledge a couple of times. I got quite upset the other night when I had to carry her back in from the garden and she seemed to be all disorientated. She was wandering around the living room sniffing everything and bumping into things. She looked so sad. It absolutely broke my heart. The vet said that most dogs adapt well to being blind though. I suppose it’s bound to be tough for a bit while she adjusts. She managed well yesterday though when Mark and I took her for a short walk, her first since her eyes got bad. I was so proud of her! It must have been a pretty scary experience and she probably felt really vulnerable. I feel so sorry for her. I hope she’ll be okay. |
| I’m moving today, back to my Mum’s in my hometown. Hopefully it’s just a very temporary thing! I’m so sad. I don’t want to leave here. My life and my memories are all packed up in boxes! It’s going to be hard seeing the empty room once we’ve put all my stuff in the car. Mark’s coming to stay with me tomorrow, so at least I have that to look forward to. Otherwise I don’t think I’d be coping as well as I seem to be at the moment! |
Well despite all the shittiness (see entry below  ) something good has happened! My poem won third place in a contest:
Yay! |
| The place that makes you contemplate suicide practically every night? or: The skanky place that reeks of piss and makes you almost have a panic attack every time you go near it?Choices, choices... |
| Someone from the council rang me about my “housing options” this morning. Why do all council officials talk in that maddeningly patient voice, as if they’re talking to a young child? It does my head in. Anyway, they won’t help me and he told me my best option is to look into renting from a private landlord. Like I haven’t been trying to do that anyway. I told him that’s proving impossible because I’m on benefits and I’m under 25. He said, “No, your biggest problem will be paying a deposit and rent in advance.” I said, “No, my biggest problem is finding a landlord/lady who will accept a tenant who is under 25 and on benefits.” Did I not just say that? I’m the one experiencing this. Why don’t they fucking listen? They’re not going to help me beyond sending out a list of private landlords. He told me I’d be higher priority if I had some kind of extenuating circumstances, like health issues. It doesn’t matter that I’ve told the council three fucking times that I have mental health issues. They have no fucking record of that. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.  (Edit: I just realised I have 100 blog entries! ) |
| By Bob Dylan Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to. Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you. Though I know that evenin's empire has returned into sand, Vanished from my hand, Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping. My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet, I have no one to meet And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming. Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to. Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you. Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship, My senses have been stripped, my hands can't feel to grip, My toes too numb to step, wait only for my boot heels To be wanderin'. I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way, I promise to go under it. Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to. Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you. Though you might hear laughin', spinnin', swingin' madly across the sun, It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run And but for the sky there are no fences facin'. And if you hear vague traces of skippin' reels of rhyme To your tambourine in time, it's just a ragged clown behind, I wouldn't pay it any mind, it's just a shadow you're Seein' that he's chasing. Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to. Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you. Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind, Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves, The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach, Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow. Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves, Let me forget about today until tomorrow. Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to. Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you. I’ve had this song in my head all evening. I’m not complaining! I love it. Words cannot describe how much I love the lyrics. I don’t even know why I love them so much! I want to write a poem that has a similar structure to this song. I’ve done that before, made a poem from a song. The result was this: "Invalid Item" . The song was “Never Fit” by Gandalf Murphy and the Slambovian Circus of Dreams. It isn’t one of my best poems but I don’t think it is a bad one either. When I walked home from karate tonight there were these guys walking towards me and one of them obviously thought he was a tough guy and could intimidate me. There wasn’t much room on the path for us to pass each other and he kind of squared up as if to say I’m not moving, like he was expecting me to dodge around him or something. Ha! What he didn’t know was that I’d just spent an hour working on keeping my centre of gravity low when I hit someone or have to take an impact. I just kept walking, we collided and he was thrown off balance. Result! Some people seem to think that just because I’m small (I’m five feet tall and weigh under seven stone), they can push me around or whatever. But I’m not as weak as I look and I love seeing people’s expressions when I get to prove that! Karate was brilliant tonight. I was the only one who showed up besides our instructor. It was tough going and he made me work hard but I also had a major ego boost. He told me that my technique is practically flawless. My personal target is to work on my speed. He said I have some natural speed but I have to work on practising at that level all the time now. But he did acknowledge that I work really hard at karate, so that was nice!I’m aching quite a lot now but I feel good. I needed a hard work out after a very stressful day! |
| Ever experienced that thing where you float out of your body and watch yourself from above? The first time I can remember that happening to me, I was going through something traumatic. I guess it was my mind’s way of protecting me from what was going on, trying to fool me: Oh no, that can’t possibly be happening to you; you’re up here, floating with your head inches from the ceiling. Got it? Yeah, I got it. For about seven years I got it and then I realised it actually did happen to me. Anyway, these days I tend to get that out-of-body experience if I’m looking like an idiot. So it happens fairly often! And it happened twice today. The first time I was in the supermarket, attempting to pay for my shopping. I tried to undo my purse and the zip got stuck. A mile long queue formed behind me. Everyone had their eyes fixed on me, waiting to see what would happen, probably getting very annoyed at the loser holding everyone up and inwardly sighing, relieved that they weren’t that loser. I finally managed to get it open, paid and then hurried out of there! The damn purse is going in the bin.The second time occurred later on and thankfully I was alone! I was attempting to open a carton of blackberries, which seemed to have been welded closed. As I struggled with it I felt myself floating from my body! I stopped by the ceiling, sneered down at myself and then asked: “how on earth did you manage to get a degree?”  |
| I have been very, very tired today. It’s amazing how much energy doing nothing takes up. I slept in until about 1pm, which is something I usually hate to do. But seeing as I didn’t get to sleep until about 5am and have had a very tough and exhausting week I think it’s understandable. Then I just slept for almost two hours this evening after a day filled with absolute nothingness. Sleeping in the evening is something I usually hate to do too. I couldn’t help it though. I was reading and I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. And I’m still tired. I’m so tired I feel like I’m swaying. I’m so tired I can barely type straight! (Maybe I really am swaying?) I keep catching mistakes and I bet there are loads I’ve missed. I wonder if I’m typing actual sentences. Perhaps I just think I am. Perhaps I’ll come back and read this blog entry when I’m more awake and find that it resembles a spilled plate of alphabet spaghetti! I want to go back to bed. I love my bed. I will never get to sleep in that bed again after the 30th/31st of July. That makes me sad. I’d cry if my eyes weren’t all encrusted with sleep. What is that crap? Where does it come from...? ...I just looked it up. According to Wikipedia, it’s ‘Rheum’, which is ‘the natural mucus discharge from the eyes’. So there you go. Well, there I go. Learn something new every day. |
| I’ve written a short story but I really can’t tell if it’s crap. I took the idea from one of my poems, "Invalid Item" . “Circus of Misery” is one of my ‘great idea—poor execution’ poems. I have hundreds of those. I like the story. But then I like the poem too, even though I know it is crap. So liking the story isn’t really an indicator of its level of crappiness. I guess the only way I’m going to find out is by letting other people read it but I’m too scared! It is so much harder than sharing a poem and I really can’t work out why. Well, I can hazard a guess! Maybe it’s just that I’m new to it. Sort of. I used to write stories as a kid. Not short stories. Well, they were short but they weren’t supposed to be. They were just unfinished. I don’t know if they were any good. Most of them were rip-offs of my favourite books at the time. I wrote my first poem when I was seven and my school teachers raved over it. I know, primary school teachers are supposed to do stuff like that, but they didn’t rave over anyone else’s poem; just mine. Poetry writing seemed to come more naturally to me than story writing so I kept at the poetry and abandoned the stories. Obviously being new (-ish) to something means I’m probably not that good at it yet and I don’t like not being good at stuff. So maybe that’s why I’m having a hard time letting other people read it. Maybe it’s because there are more rules when it comes to writing stories. Or there seems to be. If anyone points out a mistake or an oddity in a poem I can put on my best arty-farty voice and say: “It’s not a mistake... I was trying something new. It’s poetry dahling.” (I don’t really do this!) But stories just seem more vulnerable somehow. I don’t know if I’m making sense! |
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I enjoyed this expression.