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Printed from https://writing.com/main/books/item_id/1544127-A-Haunted-Place/sort_by/entry_order DESC, entry_creation_time DESC/page/33
Rated: GC · Book · Experience · #1544127
My first blog!
A Haunted Place


*Ghost* *Ghost* *Ghost*


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Who Am I?

Ghoulish and dark, serious and intense
Hate-filled, bitter, often making no sense
Outcast and lonely-—I'm trapped in my mind
Stuck fast in the past-—won't leave it behind
Trying to get by, struggling in life
Remembering hurt, reliving the strife
Attempting to move on, failing that too
Nobody can help me—I know that's true          
Constantly stressed, exhausted and in pain
Hoping that writing will relieve the strain!



Okay, I may have exaggerated a little bit! I'm not that gloomy and miserable. I do know how to have fun and I love to laugh. This is my first blog and I've set it up to help motivate myself to write every day... well, almost every day... well, more often than I write now. *Rolleyes*

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I'm docked at "Blog Harbor from The Talent Pond, a safe port for bloggers to connect.



*Ghost* *Ghost* *Ghost*

Previous ... 29 30 31 32 -33- 34 35 36 ... Next
June 25, 2009 at 6:11am
June 25, 2009 at 6:11am
#656097
Well no, it’s not really, but there is so much blossom swirling around in the air that it actually looks like falling snowflakes. Also, some of it is settling on the ground and it really does look like snow. It’s so bizarre considering how hot it is here at the moment.

I’ve only had about three hours of sleep but I had to get up to go to my appointment at the Student Advice Centre. That went okay but I didn’t take in half of what was said to me. Luckily the advisor wrote it all down! I’ve been to the Student Advice Centre about a million times because I’m not very... er... savvy when it comes to “real” life. I’ve spoken to pretty much all the people who work there at one time or another. There are two main advisors. One of them is eccentric (in an endearing way) and really knows how to do his job. The other one is extremely creepy and not so great at his job. Of course I usually get stuck with creepy guy. *Rolleyes* He always does what I think is an attempt at a reassuring smile, but really, it just comes out creepy. Urgh. I don’t like talking to him, especially about some of the more private, sensitive things. Still, he does genuinely seem to care (in a creepy manner of course) and the last two times I’ve spoken to him he has been helpful. So creepiness aside, I’m glad I went today.

I’m going home soon. If I stop blogging and start packing I might be able to catch the 11:55 train. I’m getting the 2 hour train which is never fun but I saved £20 so I’m happy.
June 24, 2009 at 5:57pm
June 24, 2009 at 5:57pm
#656034
I almost didn’t go to karate tonight because I was feeling so depressed and I really didn’t want to leave the flat. But I forced myself to go and I’m so glad I did. It was certainly an eventful session! I got several “well done’s” and “excellent’s” (though probably twice as many “try it again’s” *Laugh*), I got to take part in a demonstration, I cut my hand (on someone’s fingernail—yuck!) and I nearly hit someone in the face. I still don’t know how I managed to avoid that; it is the closest I have ever come to hitting someone. Scary. But kind of cool too!

One thing that’s bothering me is that my left hand keeps hurting a lot after karate and I keep getting a sharp pain in my wrist. I’m ambidextrous so I can rest the hand a bit and it doesn’t affect me too much. I use both hands when typing but my left hand does more work than my right, so that is affecting me. I don’t really know what to do about it.

I haven’t been very productive today. In fact, before karate I just moped around feeling sorry for myself. I can’t do that tomorrow as I have an appointment with Student Advice to get some advice (imagine that?! *Rolleyes*) on how not to be homeless when my student accommodation tenancy ends at the beginning of August. Yeah, moving back home home isn’t really an option. But I am going there tomorrow for the weekend!

I want to start writing poetry again. I haven’t written a poem in ages but I came across a couple of promising contest prompts earlier. Poetry writing doesn’t come easily to me anymore. I remember a time when I could churn out a sonnet in fifteen minutes on a daily basis! I can’t do that now. At first I couldn’t understand why and I became extremely frustrated by it but now I’m okay with it. I think it takes longer because of how much I’ve learned since becoming a member of this site. I don’t just spill my soul’s secrets in an emotionally intense moment anymore. I actually think about what I write now: I think about the words and how they sound together, how they flow together and what they actually mean etc. It may take longer but I think I have “upped my game” when it comes to poetry writing if that makes sense. Or maybe I’m deluding myself...

Oh well! I might do a couple of reviews if my hand is up to it.
June 23, 2009 at 10:59pm
June 23, 2009 at 10:59pm
#655912
I can’t sleep though I’m exhausted. I’m obsessing over stuff and my obsessions scare me. My head hurts from the amount of times certain things have been repeated in my mind over the last few hours. It’s constant. Over and over and over and over and over again. I get to relive the most humiliating moments of my life over and over again and I’m damn sick of it. I try to block them out but that makes things worse somehow, like I get the feelings with no thoughts so my feelings become my thoughts instead. I think that makes sense. I just want to sleep and escape this crap.

I knew this would happen. A doctor’s appointment is usually followed by a rough night where I can’t sleep. I can’t get what happened out of my head and then that leads to flashbacks of that fucking hospital experience which happened EIGHT fucking years ago for fuck’s sake. (That’s a lot of fucking right there! I don’t know why I swear so much when I’m upset. *Confused*)

And why am I moaning in my blog?! Because I don’t have anyone to talk to and I hope someone will come along, read this, say some magic words and make it all go away for me? Probably. Will it go away though? Am I always going to be haunted by what that doctor did to me? Probably. It took him about sixty seconds to mess up my life and turn me into this obsessive, depressive wreck of a person. Am I so weak and pathetic that I’m going to continue letting what happened have this power over me? Probably.

Help?!
June 23, 2009 at 12:05pm
June 23, 2009 at 12:05pm
#655813
I got a 2:1! I got a 2:1! I got a 2:1!


I rule!!!!



How does this sound: a 2:1 Bachelor of Science Honours degree in Animal Biology and Conservation?! I feel so smart! *Delight*


*Star**Star**Star*


Today is one of those baking hot, sticky kind of days where the heat actually seems to press in on you. Bleurgh! I hate this kind of weather. My ridiculously pale skin hates this kind of weather. I’ve been outside twice today but now I’m taking refuge in my nice cool bedroom! I had to go to the doctors this morning which is never easy for me. But I’ve finally found a doctor who actually listens and knows what he’s doing. I’m not going to go into details but nearly a year of symptoms, countless doctors’ appointments, countless prescriptions (which have cost me a fortune) and four pretty invasive exams later I finally feel I’m getting somewhere. I’ve been referred to a specialist and whilst that probably means yet more tests at least I’m being taken seriously now and the doctor has some idea of what could be wrong. I feel hopeful for the first time in months that I can get completely healthy again!

I bought two books earlier from a charity shop. I got Super-Cannes by JG Ballard, which reminds me, I still haven’t read Crash yet. I also got Enduring Love by Ian McEwan, which I’m really looking forward to reading seeing as I loved Atonement so much. I just finished reading Nocturnes by Kazuo Ishiguro, which I really enjoyed. It’s a book of five short stories. I wasn’t so keen on one of them but the other four were great, especially the last one. I’m currently reading Sophie’s World by Jostein Gaarder. It’s making my brain hurt! I might take a break and read Enduring Love!

Overall it has been a good day and I’m still just trying to absorb the fact that I got a 2:1! *Delight*
June 22, 2009 at 6:05pm
June 22, 2009 at 6:05pm
#655717
I’m back! And I’m desperately trying to get my inbox under control. I think I have responded to the majority of the reviews I received while I was away. I was gifted packages from SOAR and Showering Acts of Joy so I have received a lot of reviews recently. *Delight* I want to try and catch up on everyone’s blogs once I’ve finished thanking people for the reviews. I missed logging onto WDC regularly but not too much as I was having such a wonderful time in Cardiff with Mark C ~ 9 years on WDC! !

I was spoiled rotten this visit, with lots of concerts and days out. On my second night there Mark and I went to Llandaff Cathedral and enjoyed a classical music concert performed by students of the Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama. On Sunday we went to St. Fagan’s museum for another music concert, which was nice, and then we had a look ‘round some of the museum. That was the first time I’ve ever been to an “open-air” museum. It was fun!

The 18th was our one year anniversary. I knew Mark was taking me to see a play in the evening but he didn’t tell me which one until the morning of our anniversary. The tickets for “The Playboy of the Western World” at the Sherman theatre were in the card he gave me. Then he told me that I needed to get ready to go out at 1:30pm, even though the play didn’t start until 7:30pm. I had no idea why! So I put my posh dress on and felt ridiculously overdressed as we got the bus into the city. Mark pointed out the New Theatre to me, which he’d been telling me about earlier and then said ‘that’s where we’re going!’ *Delight* Yep! We went to see a ballet! Well, it was a mixed programme so actually it was three ballets in one—“As Time Goes By”, “Angels in the Architecture” and “A Simple Man”. It was amazing. I had such a great time! Then we rushed home to get some dinner before dashing out again. The play was really funny if a little mad!

And that still isn’t everything! Two days later we went to the cinema to see “Synecdoche, New York”. It was such a weird film! There were some lovely moments in it but on the whole I really didn’t know what to make of it. It was just a little bit too “out there” for me I think. I like weird when there is a hint of meaning, but I just couldn’t seem to grasp any particular meaning from this film. Every time I thought I had it something else would happen to confuse me again. But I’m glad I went to see it anyway.

The whole visit was really special. I can hardly believe that Mark and I have been together for a year now! Time has sure flown by. I feel so lucky to have such an incredible person in my life. *Heart* And it's all thanks to WDC that we met each other!
June 17, 2009 at 12:41pm
June 17, 2009 at 12:41pm
#654909
I'm staying with Mark at the moment and unfortunately he doesn't have home internet access. We have to use the library computers which are really unreliable. I've had so many reviews and emails recently and haven't been able to respond to everyone. I'm so sorry if you're still waiting to hear from me and I hope you don't think I'm rude! I'll get back to you as soon as possible. That may be some time next week now. Sorry!

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June 10, 2009 at 6:46pm
June 10, 2009 at 6:46pm
#653976
...the wonderful wizard of Oz. Well no, I’m not, but that song is in my head. Actually I’m off to Cardiff tomorrow to visit Mark and he’s not a wizard as far as I know. I’m there until the 22nd. We’re going to celebrate me finishing my degree and also our one year anniversary which is on the 18th. *Bigsmile* We’re going to the theatre to see a play but I don’t know which one. It’s a surprise! I can’t wait! I should probably finish packing but I hate packing, so I’m taking a break.

Jumping back to the wizard theme, I’m re-reading the Harry Potter books at the moment and am thoroughly enjoying them. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve read these books. I still love them as much as ever! I’m on Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at the moment and have spent most of the day reading it.

My day was pretty boring (apart from the reading). Karate was really good even though I got hit in the face again. I hope that isn’t becoming a habit! It didn’t hurt too much as I just got caught on the end of it again and they managed to pull back a little bit. But yeah... I really need to sort my concentration out otherwise I'm going to end up getting hurt...

Anyway, I suppose I'd better get back to packing. After I've responded to some emails that is. And read some blogs. I really hate packing!
June 9, 2009 at 7:22pm
June 9, 2009 at 7:22pm
#653846
Indecision is gripping my heart. I have two options and I must choose wisely. A wrong decision could have disastrous consequences that I can’t even bear to think about, let alone utter aloud or write down. This is it. A life-changing moment. The decision of the century...


...should I do my laundry tonight or tomorrow?


*Rolleyes* Got to laugh sometimes, at what stress can do to my mind, otherwise I don’t think I’d be able to get out of bed in the morning!
June 8, 2009 at 6:36am
June 8, 2009 at 6:36am
#653642
Nearly two years ago I took a personality disorder test at http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv and recorded my results. I decided to retake the test last night and compare the scores. They are quite interesting. Well to me anyway!


2007

Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Very High
Dependant: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High


2009

Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very high
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Very High
Dependant: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate


Sadly I’m still as paranoid yet dependant as ever and I know not to take this test too seriously but I find it a little disturbing that the result for “Borderline” has gone up so much. I think it’s bizarre that the "Obsessive-Compulsive" score has gone down when my Obsessive-Compulsive behaviour is about a hundred times worse than it was back then. Perhaps I exaggerated the first time round!

I’m also extremely surprised that the “Histrionic” and “Narcissistic” scores have increased. I hate attention-seeking and vanity in others so why have these behaviours increased in myself? Perhaps this is why I hate myself so much right now. I’m not going to stop the vanity thing though. Ever since I’ve started caring about what I look like people have stopped looking at me like I’m a troll that’s escaped from under the bridge to hunt the three Billy goats... or something like that. I hate that. I hate that everyone is so focused on appearance, and now I’ve joined the ranks. It goes against my principles to fuss over how I look etc. But the alternatives are to walk around looking like a troll or hide under a bridge for the rest of my life. So... that’s that.


*Star* *Star* *Star*


On a happier note, my short story, "Invalid Item, won first place in the "100 Words Contest. I got an awardicon, a merit badge and 15,000 gps. *Delight*
June 7, 2009 at 12:39pm
June 7, 2009 at 12:39pm
#653542
I have been greatly insulted by Ticketmaster. They send me weekly updates of upcoming events that apparently match my “entertainment profile” whatever that means. A few weeks ago they informed me tickets for Take That are available, which annoyed me slightly. *Rolleyes* Why would I care if there’s going to be a Take That concert? How does that match my “entertainment profile”? A week later they seemed to think I’d be interested in tickets to see McFly, and then this week... this week... this week they offered me tickets to see... the Sugababes. *Angry* Where’s the disgusted emoticon?!


*Star* *Star* *Star*


I was looking through one of my notebooks earlier and came across an old poem. They’re always good for a laugh so I thought I’d share. I wrote it for an old school friend to celebrate her having her dental braces removed. There's no title:


So the time has finally come,
No more need to wear that brace.
Now I have no more excuse
To call you metal face.
So now you have straight teeth,
But only for a while,
Just until you annoy me once again
And I ruin your perfect smile!



Not bad seeing as I wrote it when I was thirteen or fourteen. Don’t think I’ll be putting it in my port though!

My OCD is bad at the moment so I wonder how long it will take me to post this. I’ll probably have to check it a thousand times before I can click on ‘save entry’. *Rolleyes* It took me about a year to send a cNote to a friend yesterday. *Sigh*
June 6, 2009 at 5:01pm
June 6, 2009 at 5:01pm
#653442
Today has been really boring and is continuing to drag on and on and on... I wish I was tired so I could just fall asleep now. Well, I am tired. I’m constantly tired. I’m just not sleepy and my mind is too active. *Rolleyes* It has been one of those headachey kind of days where I can’t settle to anything and everything and everyone is suddenly extremely irritating.

I’m getting back into reviewing here on WDC after a bit of a break when I was finishing my last University assignment. I completed the Simply Positive reviews and was selected as one of the weekly winners. *Bigsmile* I got a cNote, 5000gps and was gifted some raffle tickets. *Delight* I love that group! I might do some reviewing later tonight if my mood improves!

Anyway, I’m bored of writing this entry now so I’m going to stop.
June 5, 2009 at 10:46am
June 5, 2009 at 10:46am
#653291
Why does everything always have to be so complicated? I went to the job centre today and it took me about an hour to find the bloody place. Then I was told you can’t just pick up a form to make a benefit claim, you have to ring this number, which is free from a landline and the phone call will last around 30-40 minutes. Great. I absolutely hate talking on the phone; I’m completely useless at it. And I don’t have a landline. *Worry* I don’t want to do any of this crap but if I don’t try and sort it out I’ll have to move back home and I don’t want to do that either. What I do want to do is go back to bed and sleep forever.


*Star* *Star* *Star*


I noticed when I came online briefly earlier that these two poems have been viewed:

 Moonlit Cat  (E)
About my cat. 3rd place in round 6 of the Eternally Our Friends Poetry Contest! (Yay!)
#1357466 by Ghostranch

 Ginger Cat  (E)
For my 'lion'.
#1346086 by Ghostranch


I wrote them when I was 14 or 15 and they’re about a cat, Sherman, my family used to own. They haven’t been viewed in ages. It’s weird because I uploaded two photos the other day (which are still set to private) of Sherman and his brother, intending to write a blog entry about them. So I just think it’s a bit of an odd coincidence that these poems have been viewed! Perhaps that’s just me though! (That third place win for Moonlit Cat was my first ever contest win here on WDC! *Bigsmile*)
June 4, 2009 at 3:18pm
June 4, 2009 at 3:18pm
#653204
I did vote... after all that ridiculous stress! I'm not saying who for though! But don't worry, I didn't vote Conservative... or BNP. Actually, the main reason I voted was to have my say against the BNP. I think a lot of people in my area will be voting for them but I wanted to demonstrate that we're not all racist idiots around here. So there, I feel good about myself now. I feel like I've done the right thing.

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June 4, 2009 at 10:26am
June 4, 2009 at 10:26am
#653161
It’s the European Parliamentary election today and I’m trying to decide whether or not to vote. The thing is, I don’t really understand what the European Parliament is for. *Blush* I don’t know who to vote for either. But I always remember my sociology teacher saying even if you don’t want to vote for any of the candidates or don’t know who to vote for, still go along and spoil your ballot paper or something—make a statement—that’s better than not voting. I don’t really have a statement to make though (and that would be different if this was a general election). I guess I could just write ‘other’ or ‘undecided’ and put my cross next to that! Perhaps I’ll just leave it this time—ridiculously enough I’m getting quite stressed out about the whole thing!


*Star* *Star* *Star*



I just received a merit badge for that long review I sent yesterday:

Merit Badge in Reviewing
[Click For More Info]

Thanks for thorough encouraging review!

I now have 20 reviewing merit badges! *Delight* I find reviewing really tough and lack confidence in my “reviewing ability”, but realising just how many review badges I have has given me quite a boost! *Bigsmile*
June 3, 2009 at 7:30pm
June 3, 2009 at 7:30pm
#652991
Somehow I managed to get tied 3rd place in "Follow the Leader *Shock* *Delight* I found taking part challenging and fun (most of the time!) It was a good experience and as someone who is fairly new to blogging, I appreciated the opportunity to gain new readers (if only for a little while) and interact with fellow bloggers etc. I’ll probably take part again if the judges will have me back!

I think I may have written my longest ever review earlier! It was for a wonderful novella, "Invalid Item by Kuku - Peaceful in Ramadan Go read it! Now! (Well, after you’ve finished reading my blog entry!) I promised Maram I’d review it ages ago but I only finished reading it today as I've been so busy. It is the longest item I have ever reviewed and I found it a challenge. I don’t think I will do such detailed reviews of long items in future!

I really hurt my hand and wrist in karate but I’m not entirely sure how I’ve done it. I got hit in the face tonight too. I wasn’t concentrating properly and I misjudged my partner’s timing and range. Thankfully I did move enough that I only got caught on the end of their punch... but that could have been nasty. *shudder* It didn’t hurt that much but shook me up a little bit.

I’m feeling a little anxious about everything I have to face now that I’ve finished University. Actually that’s an understatement. I’m feeling extremely anxious. I’ve got to find somewhere else to live as I can’t stay in student accommodation for much longer. I also need to start looking for a job but I have no idea what I want to do. I need to go to the job centre but I’m scared stiff and feel totally out of my depth. I’m not ready to be an adult yet!
June 2, 2009 at 10:08pm
June 2, 2009 at 10:08pm
#652845
It is nearly 3am here in the UK and my insomnia is back. I hate this time of the morning. I hate the loneliness and the stillness. I feel like I’m trapped in a parallel universe, where time has been suspended and I’ll be awake forever. Everything seems eerily unreal at the moment. When I look out the window I can just see an empty cardboard movie set. There is no movement... no life. The “actors” have all gone home and I have been forgotten!

There is one thing I like about this time though: if you listen very carefully you can hear the swirl of the Universe! I swear you can! What is that noise? I guess it’s just the air, the breeze, or the wind or whatever, but it sounds like the earth is breathing. I love it! It makes me feel very small though, for some reason.
June 1, 2009 at 11:52am
June 1, 2009 at 11:52am
#652595
Today has been a good day, despite the long train journey that seemed to take up most of it! I enjoyed the journey actually. It was pleasantly cool on the train and because I got a cheap ticket, we travelled at a slow enough speed for me to be able to see the countryside we passed through. England is so beautiful in the sunshine! *Bigsmile*

I’ve just got back from saying goodbye to my study mentor. I don’t need to meet up with her now seeing as I’ve finished my degree (in bold just to make sure everyone knows!) Then I stopped by the Uni to return books to a couple of tutors. They were both in their offices, which is some kind of miracle! So I got to enjoy their well done’s and see you at graduation’s!!! I don’t think my smile could have been any wider!

Now I’m back home and just killing time before karate, which I’m really looking forward to. I’m not sure it’s the best idea to go when I’ve only had 4 hours sleep and a tiring journey. But perhaps that will add to the fun. *Bigsmile*

I don’t quite know what to do with myself now that I’ve finished University. Well, I know I need to find a job but I need a break first. I’m going to Cardiff to visit Mark C ~ 9 years on WDC! later this month and I can’t wait.

Grrr. I literally just got a text message from my mum. She called the vet to get the results of some tests one of our dogs had last week. It turns out Sophie is diabetic and will need to have insulin injections. Poor thing! *Frown* At least it is a manageable condition though.
May 29, 2009 at 9:20pm
May 29, 2009 at 9:20pm
#652243
I hate having to come up with blog entry titles. *Rolleyes*

Today has been good and bad. The bad consists of an extremely rude staff member at the train station, and my family going out even though I’ve come home for the weekend to celebrate finishing my degree. *Rolleyes* The good consists of finding out I’ve got a pretty good grade for the piece of work I handed in yesterday and seeing The Killers on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross! *Bigsmile* Jonathan’s interview with the lead singer, Brandon, was pretty crappy but it didn’t matter because Brandon’s so beautiful! *Swoon*

I watched Britain’s Got Talent tonight as well (yes, I’ve watched a lot of TV today *Pthb*). My heart broke for that little girl, Holly. She was so incredibly brave though! There’s no way I could have done what she did. And how adorable were Ant and Dec when she was crying?! I love them!

I’m still in shock and can hardly believe that I’ve actually finished my degree. I think it’s going to take a while for it to truly sink in. Hannah ♫♥♫ and runningwolf04 have kindly sent me merit badges:

Merit Badge in Success
[Click For More Info]

Dear Ghostranch, Wow! You did it! Congrats on graduating from college! Hannah & Gang Merit Badge in Job Well Done
[Click For More Info]

Congratulations on working SO hard to get your degree! YOU EARNED IT! *^*Heart*^*

So thank you so much for that! *Delight* And thank you to everyone else for the kind words and congratulations! I really appreciate it.
May 28, 2009 at 11:17am
May 28, 2009 at 11:17am
#652024
I’ve done it. I’ve actually done it. I just handed in my last assignment. I’ve finished my degree. And I can’t stop smiling... or crying. Four years of stress is flooding out of me in one great river of relief! I didn’t think I’d ever get to this moment. This time last year, when I was supposed to graduate but couldn’t, was probably the lowest I’ve ever been. Coming back from that is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’ve fought for this with everything. It’s the biggest achievement of my life and I’m so deliriously and ecstatically happy. *Cry* *Rolleyes* *Smile* *Delight* *Bigsmile* *Shock*.

Now, my next big challenge is to resist shouting “I fucking did it!!!” at my graduation ceremony! *Bigsmile*


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May 27, 2009 at 6:44pm
May 27, 2009 at 6:44pm
#651909
Following "American Sexuality by Elisa: Middle Aged Stik .

I don’t really have a particular point to make when it comes to this subject, nor do I want to tackle the big questions/issues raised in the lead entry. So I’m just going to throw a few thoughts out there that came to mind when I was reading it. They may not relate to each other (or may seem not to relate to the the entry I’m responding to) but hopefully I will make sense... hopefully.

I’m not American, nor have I ever been to America, so I can’t really comment in an “authoritative” manner on American Sexuality. From where I am (the UK) and from what I know about America (mostly stuff I’ve learned from watching TV *Rolleyes*) it seems like America is a country of extremes when it comes to sex. On the one hand you’ve got people sleeping around and talking loudly about it in public à la Friends and Sex and the City characters. Then on the other hand you have the prudes who blush at the word breast. A quick disclaimer (just in case): I’m not trying to be inflammatory. These are major generalisations and I suppose only the extremes are going to make it on television so I know my perception of American sexuality is pretty warped.

I’ve been a member of several American run (based?) websites where the majority of members are American and you can learn a bit about the general attitudes to sex from reading the website rules. It always amuses me, somewhat, that sex appears to be more taboo than violence. Maybe it’s the same in the UK too. It seems to me that violence is more acceptable than sex and nudity in films rated 12 and below. I may be wrong about this though and I can’t be bothered to go off and research it at the moment. Maybe I'll return to this topic in the future. Even though I live in the UK, I don’t really know what to say about British Sexuality either. I guess there is some suppression/repression, but to a lesser extent than in America, I think.

Having said that, the lead entry reminded me of an ex-flatmate, Ellen. When I was in my second year of university I lived with four other people. Two of them were “together” and occasionally had noisy sex, which the rest of us couldn’t help overhearing. It didn’t bother me so much. I was mildly embarrassed but that was on their behalf really as I’m sure they would have been mortified if they knew we could hear them! Ellen, however, was repulsed by them. She’d tut and roll her eyes and mutter “they’re disgusting”. I found her reaction totally bizarre. She was raised in a strict Catholic family so maybe that has something to do with it. Or maybe not. I don't know! I don’t know a whole lot about Catholicism but I get the feeling sex before marriage is frowned upon. Even so, Ellen’s reaction was way over-the-top, in my opinion. I was shocked!

I guess I can only confidently comment on my own sexuality and I’m definitely not going to go into detail! But here are a few snippets of my views:

*Note1* My attitude to sex is basically this: as long as all involved are consenting adults then I don’t really care what they get up to.
*Note3* I’m not on board with the idea that sex is a beautiful and sacred thing. Sorry to say it but that viewpoint irritates me. Sex is what it is. It’s an important biological process. It’s also fun and feels nice and can be an amazingly emotional experience blah, blah, blah. It can be the opposite too of course.
*Note1* I’m personally for monogamy, meaning if I’m in a relationship, I’m not going to be off having sex with other people and I expect the same from my partner. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to judge couples who have a more ‘open’ or ‘free’ relationship. I just hope both (all?) parties are aware and happy with the arrangement. *Worry*
*Note3* I personally wouldn’t have a one night stand or have sex with someone when not in a relationship because intimacy is a big deal for me and there needs to be a huge amount of trust. But again, I’m not going to judge people who do.

And there you have it, Ghostranch ’s sexual philosophy (in part). Fascinating, wasn’t it?! *Wink* *Pthb*

(I don’t know why, but I adopted a very self-satisfied tone (in my head) as I was writing this entry out. I hope I don’t come across as smug or self-righteous... because that wasn’t my intention! *Worry* *Laugh*)

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