%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
Bare and uncensored personal expression. Beware!!! |
|
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "This is pretty much what journals are all about, at least to me. I knew as I wrote them that even though they provided an excellent place for brain (and heart, and psyche) dump, they were mainly a map of me." --- Colleen Wainwright "Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it." --- David Sedaris "Please write again soon. Though my own life is filled with activity, letters encourage momentary escape into others lives and I come back to my own with greater contentment." --- Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey "In giving of myself onto these pages every day I allow myself to write regardless of the depth and meaning. I share myself with others without fear of recrimination for these are my thoughts, my feelings and my very being, and there are non who's opinion of me matters more than my own." --- Rebecca Laffar-Smith   The Writer's Round-About |
I have a car.  Well at least for the next month. Paul dropped his beat up old bomb to me on Saturday. It's nice to have transport in the driveway even if I hope not to use it too often. Of course I drove it yesterday to get some bread and milk and the petrol (gas for those American's) tank was empty. Bone dry kind of empty. Get you to a petrol station and that's it kind of empty. I thought about texting him to give him my sincere thanks but figured I wouldn't waste the 25 cents.I actually expected a lot more anxiety getting back into the driver's seat after spending the last three months having not driven at all. I'm a nervous driver. I have to dump vitamin B on myself (usually a big bowl of Sustain cereal and a multivitamin tablet) just to get into a car. I hate driving and it's not because I'm a bad driver, I'm a great driver, I'm super cautious and probably frustrate a lot of drivers because of it. I'm not afraid I'm going to cause and accident, I'm afraid someone else is. I'm a little paranoid but in a sense it's a good thing. I've had my license nearly 6 years now (in August) and have never gotten a ticket or lost a demerit. I wonder if there is a no claim bonus on speeding tickets?  But despite having not been behind the wheel in three months it wasn't as difficult to get there as I thought. And once I'd backed out of my driveway I was fairly well settled into the process again. lol just thought of something funny, I'm the only one in my immediate blood-line that hasn't knocked down a letterbox. It's our family innitiation to driving. My mother, brother and both sisters took out a letterbox at some time in their driving. Not me, I'm too cautious, and thankfully my letterbox isn't very close to the driveway. I'd have to take out a bushy tree to get to it. This weekend was pretty lazy. Since I didn't have the car till late Saturday we didn't go out at all. I stayed home and Kaylie played and watched a few videos much as she does most days. I played Divine Divinity. I got back into pretty quickly and I'm doing really well. It helps that I've ubered my character. For those of you not familiar with RPG's 'to uber' means to stack up the stats on strength and constitution, get the finest, hardest hitting, super weapon you can find, and kick-butt armour. 'An uber character' is basically a walking tank that cuts through the bad guys like cheese. DD (hereby DD stands for Divine Divinity) is pretty good. It's easier than some RPG's because while you might pick a warrior class you can learn the survivor (rogue) and the wizard skills too. So I have a warrior who is master of lock picking, pick pocketing, poison weapon, deadly gifts, and restoration. Well rounded wouldn't you think? And super adept at causing damage and staying alive as well as getting into anything he wants.One problem with the game is that the shop keepers have stuff all money. I recently bought a house (in game not just out of game ) And in a wardrobe in my house I have stacks upon stacks of weapons, armour, jewellery etc. that I've looted from wherever I was adventuring in the past. It's all there for me to sell but there isn't anyone rich enough to buy very much of it. I've already got about 400,000 in gold coins stashed in the chest next to the wardrobe as well as about 100 valuable gemstones. Yep, I'm rich. Anyway, it's fun and much better than sitting about berating myself for not writing. Yesterday while I was out getting bread and milk I also stopped in at the video store. (That's a name that'll soon be obsolete are we going to call the DVD stores soon?) I got Lemony Snicket's A series of unfortunate events. It was pretty good. The little toddler in it was the most adorable little thing. I want one. I also got Elektra which I'll watch later today.Anyway, a basic catch up since I haven't written an entry in a couple of days. (Sorry, *looks guilty* distracted from the whole writing thing at the moment.) Meanwhile, got to go walk Kaylie to school. (Notice I'm still walking her even though I've got access to a car? It's a beautiful day and the exercise is good for us.) |
| Well as I've decided to take a small break from writing, hopefully it won't extend too long. I'm run down with illness probably aggrevated by lack of sleep and so I've decided not to push myself to hard while I recover, get plenty of sleep, relax with a good book or six and focus on my kids and my home for a little bit. It's hard not to feel like I should be writing. I've got The Dating Game waiting for editing and I'm sure there is more I could be doing with After The Storm. But the truth is at 6:30AM when my alarm goes off I'm still exhausted so I've been clicking the alarm off and staying in bed a little longer, as long as my kids will let me which isn't really much longer anyway. My computer seems to be working much better now. I've had a few glitchy (virus-like) problems with it but having down a whole load of scans, updates and optimisations things seem to be working much better. I'll have to run my game and see if it still argues with the monitor about screen resolution. My head's been thinking of Morrowind today. Morrowind is a role-playing game for those of you who don't know. It's one of my favorites but I haven't played it in a long time. I'm pretty sure I no longer have my saved game which I had been playing long enough to nearly complete the game. It's daunting to consider starting all over again because the game is epic, it can take weeks, even months of regular playing to get back to where I was. I haven't finished Divine Divinity yet (the RPG I bought recently) although I'm doing pretty well in the storyline. I'm torn between starting something new or fighting the game till the end. I don't like leaving a game incomplete so perhaps I'll play Divine Divinity for a while longer before installing Morrowind again. I've also got Arx Fatalis and Pool of Radience to get through. At least I can't complain about having nothing entertaining to do. Scarlett mentioned that her soul type (see below entry) came back as an Einstien type. I thought it was interesting things about inventions. My family and I have come up with a number of things which would probably be great inventions but we've never considered researching and patenting our idea's to bring them to fruition. It takes real dedication and belief in an idea to put that much effort into it and much as I'd love my car-wash-type-bathroom-cleaner to exist I'm not mechanically inclined, I have no idea what would go into making it function. Who are our modern day inventors? Perhaps those of us who have ideas for things could send the ideas to people who can make it happen. So my car-wash-type-bathroom-cleaner idea could be sent to a builder/inventor. Perhaps the person who invented the pool creaper? Or who originally invented car-washes? Who knows? It's interesting to think of all the things we could create. So many rather insignificant seeming inventions have changed the world. Think of paper clips and post it notes. The inventors of those items make a fortune every year. What made someone go, I wish I had something to hold these papers together. I know, why don't I bend this bit of metal? Oh, look, I made a paperclip, I bet other people would like one of these. How about I patent the idea and mass produce them to sell to the world? A paperclip. A warped mind is all I can think of, nothing but a warped mind could believe a twisted peice of wire would be of interest to the millions of people around the world who buy paperclips. So, what inventions do you have in your brain that you aren't sharing, patenting, creating, for the world? |
*sighs* I guess the answer is no.  Oh well, it was something interesting you might like to try. I'll update with a real entry later.http://images.quizilla.com/M/mechangel/1066005060_ssorrowful.jpg As if you were born into a world of tears, you always tend to look at the darker things in life. Inside you crave attention yet push away society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn to things like the occult and mysteries, you spend your time daydreaming. What Type of Soul Do You Have ?http://quizilla.com/users/mechangel/quizzes/What%20Type%20of%20Soul%20Do%20You%2... brought to you by http://quizilla.com |
| *groans* Big appologies to anyone who missed me this morning. Last night was torture, just when I thought my lack of sleep had reached a peak my children prove me wrong. Kaylie was sick last night. Anyone who has had kids knows what that means. It means very little sleep for parents, particularly single mothers. I think I got a total of 3 hours sleep last night, broken up of course. Every time Kaylie woke up crying or being sick she'd wake Josh and I'd have to settle them both. Laundry in the middle of the night to wash bedsheets. Restless tossing and turning. Baths and sinks to clean up after being sick. *emits another long, agonized groan* This morning I was wreaked. I turned off my alarm and took advantage of the fact that the kids were both tired too to sleep in a little. Eventually we woke up at 7:30AM. I did think I would keep Kaylie home from school but by 8:30AM she was much better and wanted to go. I had an appointment at the bank and since she looked and felt fine I decided she might as well go, they can reach me on my mobile if she got worse again. (She didn't, was fine all day and still is now.) It was difficult concentrating at the bank. Thankfully it's pretty simple to sign the papers where they tell you. And, even more thankfully, everything was pretty straight forward. Paul stopped by the bank after work and did his part so by this time next week I'll be the proud owner of my own home and the not so enthused owner of a $100,000 mortgage. I'll be very glad of the security of having a home for me and my kids. Timing was pretty perfect. Paul goes away to the US for at least a month on Saturday. We had thought the bank would get done sooner than this but I'm glad it was finalised this week. I really needed to push it through because if it hadn't been done it would have been hard to finish up while he was out of the country. He also mentioned today that he might not have a job to come back to after his holiday. The company he works for are liquidating. Selling everything up to their competitors. I suspect they'll close a lot of branches which means a lot of people will lose their jobs. With Paul not on hand to evaluate he might be near the top of the lists for layoffs. Thankfully that's not really my problem any more. So long as he keeps paying maintenence the kids and I will not be effected. I get the impression that regardless he doesn't plan to stay long. Assuming things work out with his woman he'll probably move to the US sometime soon. Part of the conversation on the drive to the bank today with my mother was diets. We had stopped for lunch on the way back and had just finished eating a Deli Roll (MacDonald's) each. We were reading the nutrition panel on the back of the pack while discussion various diets. One diet specifies keeping your daily calorie intake to 1200. So reading these Deli Roll packs we realised that we'd have to have a Deli Roll and nothing else for two days, to keep under that amount. I came home and had a look at the sorts of things I regularly eat, it's shocking to know how many calories are in things. No wonder I'm not losing any weight. So, now is the time to work on a diet. Does anyone have dieting tips? What's worked for you? I've also been having computer troubles this last week. I'm currently doing those sorts of things required to optimise my drive. So far it seems to be working. I started by doing a doctor repair on the harddrive and it picked up a lot of errors. Since running it the whole computer has been doing better. This is actually my second attempt at writing this entry, earlier the computer froze on my in the process but things seem to be working better now so I'm optimistic. Currently I'm defragging and things seem to be greatly improved. Hopefully all this effort gives my computer a new lease on life.The kids are both asleep. I should take the opportunity to get some shuteye myself but it's Thursday and Stargate: Atlantis is due to start soon. Just got finished watching Lost. Both programs and SuperNanny on Mondays are all that are left on my required viewing each week. I don't watch much TV and it's a shame that my favorite programs are on so late. I still wonder where season seven of Charmed ran off too. We had the first three episodes of the season then various reality tv shows took over. I hope the season returns. If not then I'll keep an eye out and buy all eight seasons on DVD. Anyway, enough, more boring blabber. I feel guilty. My entries always seem so self involved. I wish I could discuss major mind-boggling issues like some of the blogs/journals I read. I suppose I shouldn't feel like I'm letting my readers down. The truth is it helps me to share myself like this and I hope my meanderings brighten other peoples days. I mean, you must feel better about your life if you're getting eight solid hours sleep and you learn that some people attempt to survive on three broken hours right Even I realise that I have a pretty good life compared to some people, I'm very lucky, even when I'm drop-dead tired and wish someone would take my kids for a night so that I can get a full eight hours for the first time in two years.Rambling again. I'm going I swear.  Have a great day/night everyone. |
| I woke up this morning and Josh was in my bed. He was kicking me, as he often does when asleep in my bed, and his kicking me woke me up. I thought Kaylie had decided to join me in the early hours because I'd already put her back into bed once during the night when she tried to join me. She's usually pretty good about it, gets up, asks to join me (no harm in asking since sometimes, especially if it's nearly time to get up, I'll let her), it was just after midnight so I said no and walked her back to her bed. Her disruption woke up the fitfully sleeping Josh but I ignored him while she had her little cry about wanting to be in my bed and I settled her back and said goodnight. Then I picked Josh up and gave him a feed. I'm still breastfeeding and was fairly full since my breasts are still getting used to not having him suckle all night long. I'm pretty sure I put him back in his cot after that. But somehow during the night I must have got up again without even realising. Well that just stuffed up my whole let him cry it out.Serves me right for being so tired. I had the opportunity to go to bed early but I wanted to get to the end of my book and I knew I would finish it before midnight so I had kept reading. I closed the book, satisfied with another delightful read, at 11PM and tossed and turned for the next hour trying to sleep. Then Kaylie woke up. I must have got some decent sleep. I don't remember Josh crying at any time except that midnight one where I gave him a feed. I guess tonight I give it another go. We'd both get much better sleep if he would sleep through in his own bed. I didn't end up doing either of my 20's yesterday and I haven't done them this morning either. Part of me is telling me that "I don't have to" It's sounding really childish so I can tell it's my Caliban side trying to get out of doing any work. The other part of me is saying, "You'll feel better if you keep to your guns. You promised yourself you'd get this time in every morning, I thought you kept your promises. Isn't writing important to you? Isn't writing your dream?" This voice is pretty effective but somehow it's easier to ignore. I suppose it's kind of like being able to tune out the guilt trip and snide insults my mother constantly has to say about my house. It hurts, deep down where no one sees, but it doesn't cause me to take action. The mornings are just too early. It'll be officially Winter soon and it's so cold. I've got another frosty (not that we get frost or snow) walk to school. It's cold enough that it won't rain (does that sound funny? When it gets this cold there is no cloud cover, thus no rain ) Basically I don't want to do much of anything again.Technically I'm on an upclimb from my low over the weekend. So it won't be long before I'm buzzing with energy and excitement about everything. I might quit trying to get 20 minutes of editing done in the morning and work on it during the day for as long as I feel like. I keep thinking I should print to edit (I've always found it easier to edit on printouts.) But I didn't want to waste so much paper when I know there is a lot of little errors I could pick up and perhaps a lot of sentence/paragraph restructuring to do. It's more like the second or third draft you print to catch those ellusive errors. Anyway, I'm getting off track and this entry really isn't very interesting. I'm sorry to anyone who made it this far. I'll try to make an interesting entry tomorrow. |
| And my head is absolutely killing me. I took a stand on Josh last night and didn't got to him when he woke in the night. He's 13 months old now and still wakes in the night. Every hour... Last night instead of getting up at midnight and bringing him into my bed for the rest of the night I ignored him. Half and hour later he was asleep again. I sighed in relief and fell back to sleep. Half an hour later he was awake and crying for half an hour before falling asleep. I swear sitting there ignoring him takes more energy than pacing the floor used to do when he was younger. It's stressful to hear him crying and he was so angry. I kept telling myself that I had to get through it. He needs to be sleeping through for both our sakes and as the night wore on I reassured myself with, "If I get him now I'll have undermined the night we've already suffered through." Unfortunately it means I'm wrecked this morning. My head is killing me, my eyes ache, my throat is sore, my neck is sore, basically I'm aching all over. I'm so tired I could crash back into bed and sleep the day away. Hopefully he'll go down for his nap at a reasonable time today (yesterday he didn't) and maybe tonight will be easier. Today I gave my double 20's a skip. At least for this morning. I might aim to get it in tonight if I'm feeling alright by then. My head hurts too much to do the sort of thinking for my 20's. I know I'm going to feel guilty when I'm feeling better but right now I really don't care. I'd like to turn the world off, take out my kids batteries and sink back into bed. On a positive front my house should be settled by this time next week. I have an appointment with the bank to sign papers on Thursday. I have to get my insurance set up prior to then but basically it's almost all set. The account that the mortgage will go into is already set up. It's great seeing this mortgage account sitting there and this time next week it will be even better because I'll have $100,000 in there, available money. Unfortunately I then have to transfer it out to Paul to pay him for the house, but for a few hours I'll have lots and lots of available money. It's all debt however so it's nothing to get excited about, it's not the same as winning the lotto, which I did by the way 5th devision anyway, about $25 enough to cover that ticket and this weeks. Paul is going to the US on Saturday and I'll have his car while he's away. He'll be spending two weeks in Seattle where his woman lives and then they'll both be spending two weeks in Hawii. I'm so jealous. Going to America was always my dream and we had planned to go together. It sucks that he gets to go and I don't. But I suppose that's the way life works. He seems to think he'll be hooking up with his woman and moving there permenantly but I've been getting negative signals and the durability of that relationship once they meet. After all, so far they've only had phone and internet.Well that's a catch up and now I've got to get Kaylie ready for school, down a few panadol and hope I can get through the rest of today and that Josh is a little better tonight. |
| I was raised in a family with a lot of kids. We had a lovely silky terrier called Candy. She was a beautiful, loving little dog. My mother got her when she was a puppy shortly after my brothers birth. She lived for sixteen years with is fairly long for a dog of her breed and by that time she was riddled with cancer and arthritis. Mum bought another dog, a miniture poodle we called Fizzgig (after the fluff of fur in Dark Crystal). Fizzgig had an aggressive temperament and would frequently bite, snap, snarl and be generally unfriendly. Eventually Fizzgig bit a visitor to our home, a young boy who has since then been terrified of dogs. Anyway, that bite was the last straw, my mother took both dogs to the vet and returned with their dead bodies. We were heartbroken at the loss, with my adult mind I know that while it would have been a hard choice what my mother did was the right one. Candy was suffering every day with agony holding on to life because she felt we needed her too. Fizzgig was the sort of dog who could really hurt someone and nothing we did ever settled him down. But it was sad, my sister never forgave my mother for it although we don't talk about it these days. Later, when I had just started high school and we'd made a fairly big move for a child my age to handle, Mum bought a new dogs. A beautiful little puppy, all white and soft, a maltese cross poodle. We called him Toby (after the little boy in Labyrinth) I have a wonderful memory of the day she got him. She picked my up from highschool with him in the car. He slept on my lap on the way home. He was a little timid and a little sad having just been separated from his brothers and sisters and I remember patting his beautiful soft fur. He peed on me but I didn't mind at all. Toby is still around now actually, bigger, fatter, and no where near as soft and cute.When I first met my ex he had two big dogs, Whuppie was a black bitch, cross breed but part german shepard. She adored Paul and was so loyal and loving to him. She didn't much like anyone else however but she did come to accept me. Brownie was beautiful. He was the dumbest thing I've ever known but he was so innocent and trusting and while he shed, constantly, he always had a lovely thick brown coat. Both had been giving the run of the house before I moved in and the house showed it. Walls had scratches all through them where Whuppie had been grooming her nails, dog hair and slopper covered all the carpet, furniture, the bed. The laundry was covered in dog hair, the washing machine, anyway it was disgusting. The dogs hit the backyard the day I moved in. We got them a large kennel to share and they were no long allowed inside (I bet Paul brought them in when I wasn't home but that's beside the point.) Eventually we moved house. I adopted a stray pure black cat who was pregnant. She had her litter of kittens in our built in robe. She remained a stray for the most part, would let me feed her, groom her, and let me take care of her while she had her kittens but never really became part of our household. We gave away the kittens all but one, a delightful little grey bundle I called Smokey. Smokey was wonderful, he was full of energy and unlike most cats, totally adored me. He would sit on my lap or my shoulder. I loved him. We moved house again when I was six months pregnant and had just bought our own home. (The house I still live in.) Smokey ventured outside one day while Paul and I were out and Brownie and Whuppie killed him. Played with him more than anything, we came home and after searching the house for Smokey found his torn and broken little body outside. Thoughts of my little baby in the same condition kept me awake for nights after that and I insisted that the dogs much go. Paul took them to the pound and we assume that they were put down when no one took them in after a week. I feel sad that had to be the outcome but I couldn't risk our child or anyone elses for that matter, the dogs had killed and it was only a matter of time before they would again. So petless for a time until six weeks after Kaylie was born when my grandmother gave us a financial boon and I fell in love with a puppy in the pet shop. He had been born three days after Kaylie and I couldn't resist him. Bought him, took him home. We called him Puppy, really showing my creativity. Oh, I just know I'm going to post a picture of Puppy here now.** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Paul never took to Puppy but I love him. He can be a trouble maker but he's so adorable. I finally got him desexed but he had already procreated with a dog who lives down the street. Puppy is an escape artist. Somehow he always finds a way out. We think we've blocked up his latest route and he's yet to find another but prior to that he'd get out all the time. The neighbours bitch miscarried recently so he won't be a father. It's a shame but apparently it's not uncommon for a first litter. Anyway, those are the dogs in my life. All beautiful animals. I love all animals. I also have a Fish that Kaylie gave me for my first Mother's Day. It's name is Fish. And a bird, pure white budgie called Gypsy. My mother still has two adult budgies, they had a hatchling together when I was 11, two albino budgies which we trained, the babies have since died but the two adults are still alive, very old, and probably won't have too much longer to live but they still love each other so much and sometimes when one is particularly poorly the other sits with it. I think their love for each other gets them through. |
| I'm on a low again. It's interesting having this journal because I can look back at my past month and see that it's been ten days since my last low. It will be interesting watching my cycles and perhaps I'll learn something about it all. Yesterday I was feeling pretty miserable. I hadn't set up a time to do editing for The Dating Game. I did my twenty in the morning for the next story but since I didn't roster in another 20 during the day to edit The Dating Game it didn't happen. This morning I clicked the clock for a second twenty after it rang off my writing time. I've realised I need more distance from my story. I've read so many romance books in the past and can easily see the good and bad points about them but with my own story I don't have that sort of perspective. I can edit it to tidy things up but I can't view the story and the way it's written and compare it with what is publishable. I suppose I'll continue on editing the basics and see what happens. There have been a couple of interesting lights in my weekend so far. I didn't win the poetry RAW as I mentioned yesterday but Lunar split her winnings. That was fantastic, I felt so special. I got given a merit badge for poetry for doing so well in the contest and I sent Lunar a merit badge. Then later in the day I recieved another merit badge, from Dan in thanks for helping him. It was so special and I'll treasure that little merit badge. Thanks Dan, everyone go read Dan's journal and tell him how wonderful he is. ("Invalid Item"  ) Going to my mothers today. I suppose they'll expect me to cook again same as usual. I don't actually have much to cook. This week we are living on tins. The storm took out all the stuff I had in my fridge and freezer so it's tinned soup, spaghetti and beans for the next week and a bit until I have a budget that allows me to replace the meat etc. I wonder what creative meal I can produce with what is in my cupboard. I'd rather just climb back into bed and pretend the world doesn't exist today. Unfortunately with two young kids that's not an option. Paul is drifting further and further away. I don't mind on my behalf but I feel sad that he's losing connection with his kids. I'm worried that he's planning a full break and giving the kids space to come to accept his absense from their lives. He's going to the US next week for a month, he'll let me borrow his car while he's gone but I'm beginning to think he might plan not to come back.I know that we'll be able to move on without him but it breaks my heart to think my kids might have the same non-relationship with their father as I have with mine. How could I have made such a stupid choice in husband? Why is it human nature to recreate their past. Women tend to marry men who resemble their fathers. I didn't realise I had until the relationship ended. Now, while I'm thankful for my kids I can't help but think of the mistakes I've made. Melancholy, obviously, how about I shut up and let you all find something warm and bright about your own weekends? |
| Another 20 minutes of planning and thinking today I'm drawing something out of the dream which could really turn into an incredible novel. It's like nothing I've ever tried before and I've read nothing like it before either. In some ways that's a good thing. It's new, fresh. It's also not so good because I might have trouble finding a publisher. But that's thinking too far ahead. For the moment I'm crystalising the concept. Will probably work on an outline tomorrow and get a few more details out. Lunar won the RAW. Her poem was fantastic and the challenge was great. We had so much fun in the forum and we've become friends through this adversity. Lunar split her winnings with me, isn't she so generous? It's incredible. I grew teary eyed when I realised what she had done. It was tempting to send the points back to her because she really does deserve the full prize but I've been taught not to reject gifts, accept graciously and find other ways to repay them. I think I'll send her a merit badge. I've met so many fantastic people here at WDC. It's amazing that so many wonderful people gather here and considering the size of the online world it's incredible to find so many positive, upbeat, creative, talented, friendly people here. Thank you to all of you, *you know who you are * for being such caring people. I love having you as friends and appreciate the time you give me. |
| *Note: This morning I wasn't sure what to write so I did some free writing. It's practically a journal entry in itself and in the sense of saving time repeating myself I thought I might as well post it. * I don’t know what to write but I still want to get my twenty minutes in so I’m going to free write for a little bit. I did a tarot reading last night in the hopes of clearing up my uncertainties. I got from it that now was a time of reflection rather than a time to move onto a new project. So I guess this works well for reflection. The Dating Game is wrapping up. I’ve got lots of editing to do and I’ve got a number of people interested in reviewing when the time comes. I’m feeling insecure about it’s progress but the tarot reading I did based solely on that story gave me the impression that with careful editing I would have a book worthy of publication. I’m expecting to find something amateurish and rather lame when I begin the editing process although the parts that I reread weren’t too bad. Now it’s time to find something new to put my twenty minutes to each morning. I’d like to write some shorter fiction. Get a grasp of short stories. My knowing where to end kind of tossed me at the end of The Dating Game and I have the same problem with shorter works. How do you select what story you’re going to tell and how do you know when the story has been told? The lives of our characters generally continue long past the story. Death is the only ending and in writing it’s generally death that is a beginning. You rarely leave a story on a death. I’m doing well in the Poetry Raw I’m nervous because while I’ve been pleased with my trash talking I don’t want to come across as arrogant by any means. I certainly hope that what goes on in the forums doesn’t effect the judges ratings. I don’t think it will and my trash talk is good example of some of my poetic technique but it’s still a concern. My fingers are crossed and I’m waiting anxiously for the results. Now, what story do I want to write about? Lets toss about some ideas. A while back I had an incredible dream. The fact of the dream has stayed with me and I wrote down the details of the dream so I have it to draw on. A girl, a live-in nanny, takes care of a large family. They live on the coast in a modern mansion of metallic grey stone suspended in part over the beach and shore. During the night a storm, tsunami, hurricane, tidal wave etc. hits the house destroying much of it. The main character gathers the children as best she can, trying to keep them all safe. The parents of the children are home and are also trying to get all their kids to safety. Both parents die in the process along with a couple of the children. The girl makes it with about six of the children into a small closet-like room and they take cover there until the storm clears. When the sun rises the house is torn to shreds. And adult is outside the door of the room with a baby in her arms. Both had drowned trying to get into the room. A great deal of the house has been washed away as it seems as if a miracle kept their tiny room safe. I don’t know what happened from here. I get the impression that the girl attempts to adopt all the kids. She loves them. Earlier she had met a love interest. A great, friendly guy who comes back into her life after the storm also. They had both been outside, walking the bridges together when the storm arrived, they saw it coming. The bridges, it reminds me of Stargate: Atlantis. The whole city is a strange, modernistic structure suspended over water and consisting of covered and uncovered bridges and main buildings. Small apartments as apposed to larger rooms for living. This would make a good comparison for the setting I saw in the dream. I did try to think about how I could turn this into a story or a novel but so far it’s a bunch of facts, a pile of turmoil/drama but not a story. A story needs a heart. Perhaps that’s what I should focus on. Finding out what the heart is of this story. Condense the idea into a single though. Overcoming adversity? No, somehow that doesn’t fit. What could it be that this dream was trying to share with me? What message does it want me to send to readers? Growing pains? Accepting responsibility? The obligations of love and caring? Dealing with loss and grief? I’m not happy with any of these. I suppose it’s a part of what I need to reflect upon and ask for guidance. Undoubtably there was a reason that this dream features so highly and why I feel compelled to write about it. I just need to break it down into manageable bits. I need to find my theme and then I can consider getting an outline together. Once I have an outline I’ll be able to begin writing the story. It’s probably worthy of a novel but I’m not well read of genre’s other than romance and fantasy. I suppose it could fall into a sci-fi/fantasy genre. Yes, quite possibly. Mmmmm, so much to think about. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
