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 |  blog of a person who seems to be invisible... |
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ok.. so I'm taking a next step in my life. I'm improving on myself. I'm going down this path i am on, thanks to God. I now attend a church regularly, and I like its small confines in a church building i attended nearly 40 years ago. To me it is surreal. Do i know whats ahead, or even where I am going? no, not at all. to be honest it scares me, but I need to step out of my fear and take charge of my life, and live it the way I and God want me to be. where ever this path goes, I'm sticking it out to the end. I feel it is a testament to who I am. I am learning more and more everyday about myself. and improving, also trying to make amends for past mistakes. But one can only make amends for mistakes where there was mistakes to begin with, if people don't want to listen then that is their fault, and their loss. I wont go where im not wanted and I know I am a good man, if you don't.. well that's too bad so sad for you... |
Day 882: April 16, 2015 Prompt: Good versus evil. Do they truly exist? Are there gray areas? Do good people do bad things? yes... unequivocally, they do exist. its not a theory, supposition, or anything other than plain a simple fact. if you believe in God, or even if you believe in the Devil, you must, logically, believe in the other. without darkness, how would you know about the light? I pictured the yin-yang symbol in my mind as I wrote that, because, while the two exist, always in opposition to each other, there is a touch of the other in each side, and I feel that this is one of the absolute truths in life.. good people do bad things.... just like bad people do good things. what is the difference? the circumstances.... and your point of view. I hear you, point of view? what do you mean? the answer is simple... and I have found this out. many things in life are true from a certain point of view.... for example, a homeless person who is starving almost to the point of doing damage to himself, stealing a loaf of bread to eat; or the a private in the German army during world war II, or a north Vietnamese soldier during the Vietnam war, all of these from our point of view are wrong. but from the other point of view.. the homeless person who steals a loaf of bread, he calls it survival, the German soldier is defending his home land against the foreign invaders, same for the north Vietnamese soldier. basic human truths are only such in a certain point of view meaning that how one looks at a good thing or bad thing and from what place you are looking at it makes the whole difference. |
| Day 881: Wednesday, April 15, 2015 Prompt: On a windy day/night in ... Use this as the title and/or first line of a story, poem, or rant. On a windy night in my small town, where nothing much ever happens, I happened to be out walking around. My parents and I had just had an argument, so I was emotional. I was walking to relieve the stress safely before it got realized in a worse way. I walked for about twenty minuets before stopping and sitting on the stone wall that surrounded the towns cemetery. I light up a cigarettes, I know its a nasty habit but it calms me down quicker. As the red glow of the cigarette began to blaze forth, and the smoke I exhaled lifted up into the air. The thoughts of what just happened ran through my head in an endless loop. Unknown to me as I was watching this "movie" going on in my head I began mumbling to myself. Suddenly, I hear the snap of a branch behind me in the cemetery, My head automatically snaps around trying to locate what caused the sound. After looking around the cemetery, I saw nothing. Then I took another drag of the cigarette in my hand, and then let the smoke lift into the air and away from me. I looked up and down the street to see if anybody was coming, knowing most people in this town know me and my mom and would have no problem letting here know what's going on. So I felt safe enough because no one was anywhere around me. I took another drag from the cigarette, again the smoke from such drag, caught the slight breeze as it blew by me. As the breeze move past me I caught a scent of a strange odor in the air, something putrid. It smelled like death. It smelled like it was coming from right near me, but after a quick look I found nothing that looked like it would be giving off such a scent. I decided my nostrils had taken as much of that as I could, dropped the cigarette, snuffing out its red glow under my foot. Turning quickly as the stench was making me gag, and trying to leave before it got any worse, but as I turned I was scared by an old man in black clothing, with unusually white skin, long nails, and dark colored eyes. "Good evening, young man" the old man said. I nearly jumped out of my skin, as he wasn't there before. "what the fu.." I exclaimed jumping back in terror," where did you come from?" "I was not trying to scare you," He continued," Like you, I was out for a late night walk." "Ok," I continued," well you can have this spot. I'm done for the evening, I'm going home." "But I just got here," He remarked. " well I am hungry, and will be going home to eat," I said as I turned and began to walk away towards home. "You see," The old man said as I walked away, "That's one of the reasons I was out walking about... so am I." As soon as the words left his lips, he was on me, One hand on my shoulder holding me still, the other pushing my head to the side, then his teeth, which now were sharp fangs, sank deep into my warm flesh. I struggled and winced from the pain. I struggled to get away from this man who had a grasp of me, however he had an iron grip, and I wasn't able to move even a single finger of his. I could feel him drinking deep from me. I looked over my shoulder at him, and I could see the color coming back into his skin. Suddenly he stopped drinking and let go of his iron-like grasp of me. I was now in a weakened state, my body collapsed to the ground and laid there. I could barley move. I didn't have the strength to do so. I looked up at this man, who just brutally attacked me. He stumbled back a few steps, doubled over in pain, grunting and groaning like an animal. After a few seconds his pain stopped and he stood up. The color was back in his skin, his eyes were now red in color. I was not prepared for what I saw next. The old man who attacked me, changed right before my eyes. Almost like shedding an outer skin, the old man changed into a young man. Our eyes met, for a few seconds of looking at me, he leaned down to me, stopping near my ear. "do not worry," The now young man said," Your pain will end soon, then you will seek me out." |
DAY 875 April 11, 2015 Prompt: Have you ever gotten caught doing something embarrassing? Tell us the story. well. I think the most embarrassing moment for me was when I had come home one time on, what I think was a 96 hr liberty from camp Lejeune, NC. I had brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I had borrowed my dads car for a drive in movie, as mine didn't have a radio, and after the movie we went and parked, probrably wasn't the most smartest idea, but we were definitely into it when a police officer came and shined his light on us.... yes I was busted... with my pants down too. yep that was it. |
DAY 874 April 10, 2015 There are many different games that you can play that let you run around like a child again. What's your favorite game and why? I have always loved hide and seek, however I found out the hard way that a 6'4" man whose 380 lbs., can't hide anywhere. It kind of reminds me of an elephant hiding behind a skinny tree in the cartoons. now that's funny. I still like to play sometimes as it fuels the child like personality inside me that fights to get out. why I LIKE IT? It makes me feel younger again... and reminds me I'm only as good as I feel myself to be. |
DAY 873: April 9, 2015 Prompt: What are you procrastinating right now? Why haven't you done it yet? I guess the best answer is what am I not procrastinating on? I think im doing this because I maybe have taken on too much, or because I have ADHD. And that is onbe of the things about adhd, starting things and not finishing. Sometimes its frusterating, because Im always getting yelled at for it, by people who should Know how to deal with me by now, hell its only been 11 years, and she still doesn't know how to deal with me. Nor does she apparently know that I have no control over this thing that has control of my life. Yes, Im on medication, but it wont change or stop certain things... I have to do this for myself.... its very frusterating for me, as those in my life aren't very accomidating... so I become accomidating to them and not paying attention to myself for it.... I'll get it right... one day. |
| DAY 872: Wednesday, April 8, 2015 Prompt: What are ten things that you like or dislike about April? Well since your asking this question apparently you never lived in Florida. being down here for forty years, I can say that there are a few things I have about April... 1. taxes; 2. spring break;3. Northerners( or snowbirds) who refuse to stop trying to make this area like theirs up north( get the hint if you love your other place to live.... GO BACK THERE! or accept that this is not your home and live by our rules);4. kids learning to drive; 5. local children being out of school and parents who don't think "their" kid is a menace, or a troublemaker, drug dealer, or a just plain old idiot. 6. taxes; 7.spring breakers; 8. Florida's one season; 9. low pay for work; 10.idiots who drive on any roads... need I really say more! |
| ok.. yesterday I went to a local public college and took a placement test, so I could take some classes working towards a BS(ya... like I need more bs) in business admin, then went home after work, mentally exhausted. fiancée called and asked me what I wanted for dinner... I told her what I planned on making for dinner, but it didn't matter mainly because she wasn't home either until about 7pm... I know something is missing from my life.. not sure what but I know its missing... just very tired.. |
| DAY 870: Monday, April 6, 2015 There is a crack in everything—that’s how the light gets in. – Leonard Cohen Prompt: Do you agree or disagree? Do you have a crack in your life that lets light in? I thought about this thought, and believe me its a doozy of a thought. I disagree with this statement whole heartedly, from the fact that a crack only lets in the light when your facing the light, it can let in darkness, or other things when you aren't facing the light. And who among us has been facing the light each and every second of each and every day... I know I haven't been... especially this week.. I got engaged to my longtime girlfriend... found out I wasn't going to get that position I wanted.... spent money on and engagement ring, even though I don't have it.... getting nothing for myself done... Ive been a little down lately... not writing as much as I want to or even should... fed up and tired. Easter is always a happy day for me, as it is the celebration of the gates of death being broken down and us having a bridge directly to God. that always makes me smile... all the while the news filled with so much dispare, hate, war and death. always brings me back to the reality that is this world... but don't fret... today is a good day |
| Ordinarily, I would do the blogger circle of friends thing, but today... Im just too tired...not been sleeping well lately... stress at work and other stresses keep my mind away from where it should be... and for that Im sorry.. hopefully it will improve soon. |
DAY 864 March 31, 2015 On a sunny spring day, you have decided to create a garden. What kind of garden will you plant? Flowers or vegetables or both? What do you see as the most challenging part of having a garden? I love gardening. It relaxes me when all the stupid people around me make me angry, which is usually. The challenging part of gardening, for me is keeping the pests away, like squirrels, birds, and other little creatures tha like to feed off my hard work. I would think that the good lard would have beeter things for them to do that to pester me and risk the machete. LLAP |
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I don't think I've ever drank so much water in my whole life. Make sure you're staying hydrated and safe out there!
