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Printed from https://writing.com/main/books.php/item_id/1183984-Walking-Through-The-Valley/sort_by/entry_order DESC, entry_creation_time DESC/page/33
by Budroe
Rated: 18+ · Book · Experience · #1183984
My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion.
Dear Friend:

This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.)

This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too.

While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley.

I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you?

In His Care,

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Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  

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"RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM"

("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss")

~Leunig~


The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse.
~Helen Keller~


"If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people."
~Virginia Woolf~
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"There is strength in truth."
~The Barton Family Crest~



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“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

— Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968)


I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1203994 by Not Available.


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"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4


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Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC.

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If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let scarlett_o_h know that a Blogger sent ya!

Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us!
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Budroe Ring Leader

I have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay? *Smile*



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December 14, 2007 at 4:30pm
December 14, 2007 at 4:30pm
#555200
It does sadden my heart, and thrash my soul mightily to read words from a friend so completely full of false accusations. I considered not responding to them out of hand. I understand the situation in its reality. The reality of the situation alluded to is other than how it was portrayed in the writing, and as for my veracity regarding my person, my illness, the events portrayed in this writing, or anywhere else, they will stand legal scrutiny. My friend's writing, however, will not.

So, for the complete response to the writing by Deborah Owen concerning my person:

I do hereby categorically deny each and every charge made by her, and/or through her. I do have the complete ability to legally prove that every written allegation in this woman's writing is completely, utterly, and maliciously false.


I have nothing further to state regarding this writing, this person, or this entire nefarious attack upon my person. Once again, it would seem that everyone around here gets a turn in the barrel. This is merely my turn. To see such horror attached to my name is more than one should be required to bear. To know that these malicious prevarications come from one who calls herself my friend, and a committed follower of Christ (while avoiding Matthew 18) drives my heart to stone.

I have said, completely, all that I do intend to say regarding this matter within these pages, upon this site, or to any person of this site.

In His Care, and Yours!

Budroe
December 14, 2007 at 2:48pm
December 14, 2007 at 2:48pm
#555190
Dear friends along the journey:

It has been quite a while since last I was able to be with you. A lot has happened since last we shared. Perhaps, if time permits, a book or two's worth--later.

I have not been away necessarily voluntarily, but I have been necessarily away. I do not yet have internet access or phone capability, but I do have a new address:

M. B. "Bud" Fields, Jr.
1405 East Main Street, # 709
West Frankfort, IL 62896

I have been, for the past month, plus, in a homeless shelter in Marion, IL. Thanks to the good folks of the State of Illinois, I am currently residing in public housing in my newest home town. To say I have nothing would not be accurate--but it might be close! *Smile*

I hope that you will know that I keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Of the deprivations of these past days, not having access to this website has certainly ranked near the top. But, I am alright at the moment. I am safe, and have food and shelter. For that I give honor and Glory to the Dad who never fails.

On Monday next, I will visit the hospital for some pre-surgical tests. We must deal with at least a couple of problems that have made themselves known in these past weeks. I have a great care team, and the Surgical Oncologist responsible for my care is rated among the highest in the nation. Go figger! *Smile*

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers during these days, that through me Dad might fully be glorified. I ask nothing else.

I hope to be with you again soon. As there is a significant distance between where I live, and where I am typing, my presence here will be quite spotty at best for a time. Yet, I never leave this journey, nor those with me upon it in my mind, heart, and soul.

Be of good cheer! Be convinced! Have no doubt! Let it be settled! For even as I have overcome the world, so too have you, beloved, already overcome the world! (John 13:33-35)

Yes, there is much to be shared. Some of it will be shared because it matters. Some of it will not be shared because it does not matter. I am safe, and content in my circumstance, knowing that Dad is still driving the boat. I have found some amazing new friends here who have simply and selflessly loved me through this particular difficult place. Now, it is time to begin again--again.

That begins Monday morning. I should know the results of the tests by Thursday of next week. From there, we will create a medical action plan. I will let you know what I know, as I come to know it. Please know that I do know that you are with me on the journey still, and Dad is with us all. His grace IS sufficient. Believe me. *Smile*

Until later, know that I am on the journey, and will not fail.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Budroe
November 11, 2007 at 2:24am
November 11, 2007 at 2:24am
#548334
Well, that's the question I want to ask!

Is it possible to find a legitimate website income-producing opportunity that doesn't cost an arm and a leg, doesn't involve investing your savings and/or inheritance, and does allow someone to make a little money? You know, for those extra things like, umm, survival!

I've sure been looking, I know that. I've seen more scams than Carter's got Liver pills! (Does Dr. Carter still MAKE his liver pills?)

I've seen "modest" investments (usually over $1,700 to start) that, if you "upgrade to Platinum" just cannot fail! Meetings, and calls, and uplines, and downlines....

What a joke! 97% of people, according to someone's latest figures (I don't know who, and don't feel like going through the bother of finding out! But, I read it recently. Trust me!*Smile*) who begin an internet business--fail.

Okay, is it true that I am the only surprised victim here? Have you ever tried one of these MLM, "overnight millionaire" schemes? Well I have, and I'm not terribly, unrecoverably ashamed to admit it. Why? Why, indeed. Those same people (no, I still don't remember who, and I'm still not lookin' for it--sorry.) inform me that, in 2006, there was over 1.4 TRILLION American dollars spent--online. In June of this year, it was estimated (yes, by "them". Ya wanna know? You can do a search easy as I can, and you probably care more than I do--if you question the source, anyway!) that there are over 1,000,000,000 websites on the internet. If that looks like too many zeros, it's not. That's just what ONE BILLION looks like all zero'd out!

Well, thanks to several months, several hundred scams, and a significant amount of manhours (no, I'm not being politically incorrect--they're MY hours!) which number well into the hundreds (Hey! I haven't got much of a social life, okay?), I've found a few that meet some very basic requirements.

         *Bullet*They can't cost money to try.

         *Bullet*They must cost less than $100 for total "up-front" investment.

         *Bullet*They must be something other than MLM, or Affiliate, or group martketing.

         *Bullet*They must have verifiable numbers.

         *Bullet*They must provide goods and/or services that I use every day.

Trust me, that one killed my "amazing Herbalife" opportunity, right there!

         *Bullet*They must make me money.

Now, notice, I didn't say the first durned word about "riches, millions, or bedazzling wealth"! Money. Like, a buck. That kind of money.

         *Bullet*They must be programs that I will not be ashamed to have my good (?) name attached to.

Do you see how this "going down the funnel of filters" works? We are now, figuratively speaking, at the 0.004 micron level here, folks.

Well, I've found a couple. They meet the criteria. I want you to check them out. If they meet your criteria, I want you to join up. I'll make a buck. Believe me, I need a buck. I'm not beggin'. (That comes later!) I'm just telling you that I have, indeed, found a couple of internet marketing/income/goods/services opportunities that I think are legit, and worthy of being recommended.

They both are free to try. One is free forever. One costs $10 / month after a 7-day trial (Free to check out--that's one of the requirements, remember.). I think they are rather cool. Lord knows, I got time to look online.

One of these opportunities was recommended to me by a dear friend from this journey, Kenzie . One of these I found on my own, and would (if she ever drops in here again...*Bigsmile*) recommend to her back.

So, here's the deal. I want someone else to tell me if I'm off base here. If I'm not, and it makes sense, try them out. Join up, and I'll make a buck. Not two bucks, ya dingo! A buck. (Actually, if you sign up to one of them, I'll make a buck. On the other one, I'll make a princely sum of $0.69. We just can't be streaking upwards through the wealth stratosphere too fast, ya know. I get nosebleeds!)

It will help you. It will help me. If i've put my name to it, you KNOW it's gotta be great.

Right? HEY! Right? What, am I talkin' to an echo in here??

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End of merciless sales pitch. Lookit, there's a couple of really great opportunities that I believe will help anyone. One is a way to shop at over 1,000 stores, get deep discounts, and many are giving away free shipping for the Holidays. I have no money for Christmas gifts. So, let me offer a gift of opportunity. It's not quite hand-crafted, but it's what I can do, okay?

The other is an offer to set up a free website. What author (or aspiring author) does NOT need a website? They are powerful websites, and you get gaboodles of stuff, space, and options for a measely $10/month. And, it's entirely possible to "earn" enough money to make that monthly charge go away! "Money flows TO the author". Yeah, right.

I got a book for sale, too. I'm working on another one. I've lived a true-crime drama for the past few weeks. Maybe THAT one will get picked up for a screenplay. *Smile*

Ya wanna help? There's three ways, right there! Not a ton of money. It works, and it doesn't cost much. There's some really awesome stuff at the core of these programs, too. One of them is called "Together, we can change the world!"

In fact, if you go to my rotating offer website, and fill out the form, I'll link you up with a free e-book--just for trying these deals out. "101 Ways You Can Change the World!"

Here's the link. Let me know what you think. If you like it, send it to your friends. If you hate it, send it to their friends. *Smile*



Yep, there's a lot going on. Things that I wish were not going on. Some things I hope might go on. But not really anything at all that I'm excited about going on, one way or the other.

Howz by you? Let me know, okay? Here, on the journey, it's nice to hear some "usual" gossip, too! *Smile*

In His Care, and Yours!

Budroe
November 9, 2007 at 6:57pm
November 9, 2007 at 6:57pm
#548081
Hey, did you know O. J.'s back in court?

Did you know that the Democratically-controlled Congress, for the first time EVER, overrode President Bush's veto--on a water bill?

Did you know that I am still wondering about things, and loving life?

I didn't know any of these things.

I saw the first on television. I don't watch much television. Now you know why. I was shocked that Judge Ito wasn't on the bench for this one. *Smile*

I learned the second via a very (emphasis on "very") small local newspaper. Stunned, I was.

I was reminded of the third by a friend, who had the decency to remind me.

The corner has not yet been turned, but I am thinking maybe I can see the landmarks in front of me. It is a slow process, I think. The events of the past year have had more effect on my mental state than even I had suspected. What with the goings on in my medical life, my physical life, and my life around WDC, I guess I just needed to be reminded not only of who I am, but whose I am.

I hope you have a friend willing to remind you when the occasion calls for it.

In His Care, and Yours!

Budroe
November 5, 2007 at 10:08pm
November 5, 2007 at 10:08pm
#547141
Perhaps. I completed an application for it today. It was recommended by my hosts.

The bottom line of this is a reality that I am, regardless of any other desire, beginning again--again. There are significant arguments on both sides of this conundrum for me. Nevertheless, it is with a sense of determination that I proceed.

Learning how to live "broke" is not a new adventure. I know the path. I see that status as a step up, actually. Living broke is temporary. Living "poor" is a mindset. A friend of mine reminded me of that not so long ago. I am, after all, completely dependent upon others at the moment. Life has given me a new valley to walk, it would seem.

I am resting with the confidence of success. I believe that the confidence my friends have in my ability to navigate this valley will see me through it successfully. While I do not believe I have been such a guest as to become unwelcome in their home, it is interesting for me to consider (at this particular point) the possibility of being unwelcome. I believe that is mere hyper-sensitivity to the "space" of others.

There is, within me, a strange confrontation going on here. I'm not quite certain (yet) how to describe it, or what it is that I should be making of it. I will, in time. When that time comes, I will most probably write about it.

I do know that I must somehow secure the entire medical record of my illness from the Hospital and my Doctors in Indiana. The Social Security office tried, and failed. Will this require Attorneys and supoenae? And, why must this be so? Why must it be so now? What is going on that I am not aware of? What must I discover in this?

Questions. Questions which currently have no answers. When you are on this particular journey, it is quite difficult to have such questions. I feel, strangely, quite alone.

I'm just not sure I feel safe with that knowledge. Is it me? Or is it Memorex? Time will most surely tell.

In His Care, and Yours!

Budroe
November 4, 2007 at 11:04pm
November 4, 2007 at 11:04pm
#546868
I love this Blog.

I love what this Blog has come to represent to me, personally. I most especially love the folks in my little WDC world who, through selflessness, have given so very much to this journey.

Life has a way of getting in the way, sometimes. Things are not as I might wish them to be. My health is suffering because of that. But, much more importantly, my life is suffering because of that. My friends, too, are suffering because of that--I just don't much care for that.

I will be visiting a home health service this week, to begin that portion of this journey. I will attend to the medical requirements of my life, and my living this coming week, and I must confess there is some wonder on my part. Stress is at maximum, and peace cannot seem to be found at this moment. Strangely, coming to this place (my Blog) brings me peace.

So, if nobody minds too much, I'll just hang here for a bit. Let the battles rage, and I'll take a raincheck on the warfare for a bit. There are too many other important (more important) considerations that I should be concentrating on at this particular moment.

And, since I cannot seem to either create the words I wish to, or feel permitted to write the words I would like to, I won't. If nobody minds too much, I think I will just basque in "the golden silence" for a bit.

In His Care, and Yours!

Budroe
November 3, 2007 at 6:02pm
November 3, 2007 at 6:02pm
#546497
Umm, yus. True. And, I need your help to get free. If you want me freed, bid. If you want me kept as a hostage, bid double!! Highest bid wins!

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This is a worthy activity that has become a mini-hit around WDC. I cannot believe Tor and/or *CoughC* haven't latched onto this one yet! *Smile*

I have a list of people to kidnap. Would you like to be on it? <evwil smirk>

The lady doing this activity is one of my WDC heroes/heroines. If you know of her, and her story, you surely understand why. My charity will be the Friends of the Academy (FOTA) group.

Come on, y'all. Get me busted loose, already!
November 2, 2007 at 3:18pm
November 2, 2007 at 3:18pm
#546237
Now, there's a fun word to use when you want to fool your friends, or amaze your Mother! *Smile*

Let's look at it for a moment, shall we? Well, of course we shall. After all, I'm the one doing the writing here!

"Pronunciation: in-ˈsist
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle French or Latin; Middle French insister, from Latin insistere to stand upon, persist, from in- + sistere to take a stand; akin to Latin stare to stand — more at stand
Date: 1586
intransitive verb
1: to be emphatic, firm, or resolute about something intended, demanded, or required <they insist on going>
2archaic : persist
transitive verb
: to maintain in a persistent or positive manner <insisted that the story was true" 1


Senator Henry Clay was one of my native Commonwealth's most famous sons. Known as "The Great Compromiser", Clay was superbly adept at getting compromise from any two individuals, each of whom were absolutely convinced that their position on a subject was the only correct one. Especially when one of the two insisted that their way was the only correct, acceptable, or reasonable way, Clay could bring each of the two together and create compromise. Let's take a gander at THAT word:

"Pronunciation: ˈkäm-prə-ˌmīz
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, mutual promise to abide by an arbiter's decision, from Anglo-French compromisse, from Latin compromissum, from neuter of compromissus, past participle of compromittere to promise mutually, from com- + promittere to promise — more at promise
Date: 15th century
1 a: settlement of differences by arbitration or by consent reached by mutual concessions b: something intermediate between or blending qualities of two different things
2: a concession to something derogatory or prejudicial <a compromise of principles"2


I have studied Senator Clay for most of my life. I believe his skill is one that should be emulated, whenever possible. Clay himself often said that it was not that one position was, in fact, NOT the "right" position. His was the belief that, in every dispute, there is much more commonality than difference, and that commonality should be identified and celebrated. It just tended to make the differences more palatable. I like that notion, and Clay's life is a testimony of the successful application of this belief.

In the Treaty of Ghent, which effectively ended the war of 1812 between the United States of America and Great Britain, Clay got each side to adopt a document which said, in effect, that the entire War of 1812 had served no frutiful purpose, was entirely useless, and needed to cease immediately. Both sides agreed to the statement, and signed their names to the Treaty. 3

Regardless of your personal view of that war, I think it safe to say that this man brought about some compromise! *Smile*

Even moreso today than during his own time, I believe we need some Clays today. When people insist that theirs is the only way to see a thing, and there is not a willingness to do the difficult work of successful compromise, it is most often true that those who stand completely innocent are the ones harmed the most.

The opportunities to see the truth of this statement are all around us. Sometimes, arguments (such as the eventual War of 1812, for instance) should pass quickly beyond insistence, and move immediately to compromise. Wars can be avoided, and innocents can be kept from the fray.

My Blog insists that I make a post entry every so often. I try to accomodate when and as I can. But the system which operates the Blog does not find accomodation as an acceptable compromise. It must be the system's way, or nothing. Personally, I don't like such systems. I never have. The system does serve an important purpose. It does not, however, write my entries.

How I respond to the insistence of others is entirely up to me. Compromise is a necessary component of peace and harmony in our world today, just as it has been since it all began (however you believe that to have happened). When the goal is an acceptable middle ground that not only addresses the insistance of each party, but celebrates the common ground, everyone wins. When that fails, casualties occur.

And, more often than not, the only sure truth which remains is that casualties will have but one epitaph:

"It was for nothing!"4.

Theirs will be such legacy not because they did not care. It will not be because they did not honestly desire. This will be their legacy because there was no compromise. When that happens, there is no winner. The good (and the bad) of each viewpoint stand as silent witness to the casualties who, beyond now their ability to insist, simply fade into history as the mist of what could have been.

That is, to me, the greatest sadness of these days. We care not about compromise. We simply insist. We do it with our systems, and our children, and our lives, and our world.

Shame on us. Shame upon us all.

(Sorry, Tor. I was in mid-edit when I recieved your posted comment. There is more to say, but for a later time. *Smile*

Within this insistent feature of our site, there ARE options. I simply have not accodated a successful compromise between "Every day", and "Every two weeks" yet. *Smile*

What works? They all do. At what cost? It varies, depending on your willingness to be reminded. At what benefit? You ARE reminded. Then, of course, you have three additional options. You can write in your Blog. You can ignore the reminder. Or, you can re-set the reminder to a different length of time.

Sometimes, we can even become blinded by the options available to us. Compromise lies somewhere (and seldom mid-way) between my way, and your way. Slap dab between "right" and "wrong" is where "best" usually lives. I do not believe in either relative truth OR relative morality--even with Blog reminders! *Blush* But, sometimes, through a willingness to do what is best, we find we have merely mis-labelled "right" and "wrong". We must begin by understanding and accepting terms which can be mutually understood and/or agreed to.

That is, most often, where compromise fails first. If my only desire is to be "right", then there are only those terms which I accept which make me "right". If, however, I am more interested in being, say "happy", then the terms start to lose their limited or firm definitions, and the world of possibilities opens up for me. Compromise is a condition where win/win lives. It sometimes, even as obvious as it might seem, requires some serious work to create among those with strongly and sincerely-held beliefs.

Sadly, the work is occasionally so very difficult that it is deemed unworthy of our very best effort. Nothing could be further from the truth. Yet, that is the only final answer we can find. "It was for nothing." Sometimes in life, that is the only answer we can find. Innocents become casualties, wars rage, and the situation either doesn't change, or becomes a worse situation which now has two (or more) completely opposing, yet mutually dissatisfied participants. Feuds rage, wars take their toll, and lives are forever changed.

I believe compromise can be a very good thing, especially when disagreements are passionately exchanged between parties who have a basic respect for the other. When, at the end of the day, debate has raged, yet friends share the same pew on Sunday, or the same job tomorrow, or the same family next week, compromise is always a possibility. Insistence is not an opposite condition for compromise. It is merely the place where compromise can be possible. Given the choice, I would choose compromise every time.

Perhaps today, just for today, receiving my notification every week is sufficiently painful in that I will blog at least once per week. That would, no matter how sullenly I might be forced to feel the need to accept it, a better condition that my current blog status. *Smile*

The topic of my day today is insistence and compromise. The applications are endless.

Some who read these words will wonder to whom they are written. I believe they are written for us all. But, this is my Blog, and as I have stated from the very first--the words are for me.

In His Care, and Yours!

Budroe

Footnotes
1  http://www.meriamwebster.com/dictionary/insist
2  http://www.meriamwebster.com/dictionary/compromise
3  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Clay
4  http://www.galafilm.com/1812/e/events/ghent.html

October 21, 2007 at 12:14pm
October 21, 2007 at 12:14pm
#543251
I got one of those disgusting notices from support that my Blog needs updating! Why is there "Remind once per eon" option? *Smile*

Unravelling is the word that leaps into my mind today. Too much going on that matters is the current condition. I have friends to help me with the various holes in the leaking dyke that is my current life. Still, the floods continue. I don't wish to complain and be a negative impact on anyone.

I am observing my life as it comes de-railed as a witness to a train wreck in progress. This is one of those valleys we have spoken about before. Because of my inability to effective resolve anything, everything continues to unravel. I know this is a predictable conclusion, yet I seem completely helpless to alter its course. I'm not even angered by that, really. But, I do have a continuing sense that there are things I should be doing which I am not doing. What I do not know, for certain, is why.

If we do not live life by purposesful decision, we are left only with the knowledge that life will continue without our input. That's living life by default. This is, for me, a lousy option. I don't like it. I wonder what it will take for me to not like it enough to create a positive change that I do like? The only saving grace for me in this is:

1. The knowledge that I am not the only human at this intersection between intent and action, and
2. Dad is always in control, regardless.

On that second point:

I know that Dad expects me to be worthy, but He also knows that I never can be. He knows my heart, and that is sufficient for me in this moment. Letting Him down is a major deal. Having given me so many blessings of late, how am I acting as Steward over them? Not well, and certainly not up to the expectations for a most especially beloved Son of the Creator God, I can tell you that. How can one fail with the blessings received from Dad? Oh, friend, it is so very easy. While I stand on those same blessings, I am not currently using them to His glory, I feel. That bothers me greatly. As the whirlpool of cause and effect swirl, I am in that most familiar place for us all, astonished and paralyzed.

Today, I will complete the paperwork to "get into" the system--again. I would probably admit to my "Rabbi" (were I to have one) that I am so absolutely angry at this requirement that I am withholding the actions necessary to make it a reality. Stupid, isn't it? It has predictable outcomes on the one hand. On the other, I am quite honestly bereft of hope that doing what is required will yield any different results. In less than one year, an entire life has been re-arranged, re-organized, re-located, and completely re-defined. I feel as if I am a complete stranger in my own existence. This is not the time for "denial" to take hold, yet it surely is precisely that.

If you can relate, or find parts within yourself resonating with this post, I want to tell you that this too will pass. I know it. I must get through it before I can get beyond it. In my past, this would affect me about as much as a gnat on my shirt. I am a bit shocked at how, at this time, it is of such major proportions to the center of my being. Health issues, financial issues, disappointments, and discouragement lead me to the 22nd Psalm (David's Lament). I look forward to the part where I can speak clearly, from my heart, those last verses. But, I believe that (although this time the journey is much more difficult than even I ever suspected) those words will come. On the one hand, I want to calmly experience the journey through this time because I do know that what follows is every bit worth the journey. That is my Spirit - Faith speaking within me. However, inside this old body, there is a little guy that just wishes it would go away.

How's that for honest? *Smile*

In His Care, and Yours!

Budroe
October 12, 2007 at 5:20pm
October 12, 2007 at 5:20pm
#541285
Last evening, the temperature dropped to a balmy 41 degrees. Today, a huge Hickory tree, which I can clearly see from my bedroom window, has begun to turn. The leaves are showing an opaque Yellowish tone. It looks as though even the leaves are in a state of flux--of change.

As you know, change is a very large portion of my world these days. I appreciate the changes that come, but I am still nowhere near comfortable with any one of them. I do not want to see change as an adversary, but I am having some difficulty deterimining what I should do, or how I should address the changes in my world.

I received notice that the father of my dear friend and primary care giver, Tom Wilson, has passed away. His wake is today, and his funeral is tomorrow morning. It is amazing for me to recall, once again, that we can become orphans at any moment of our lives. For my friend, losing direct and immediate access to a friend has been a change for him, as well. Now this.

We do not author change, usually. Of course, there are countless changes which we DO author, but very seldom are we of such disposition, or of a nature, to cause change within our own lives. Tom is in Connecticut. I am in Illinois. The distance seems much further. I only hope my friend knows that I am, and will always remain, as close to him as his heart. My wish to be of some "good" to him vexes me greatly. After all he has so selflessly given to me, my inability to support him in a true time of need--when friends really matter, is quite bothersome to me. It is outside my comfort zone. Here is an opportunity missed, simply due to miles.

There is also the reality that every good thing we create, or share with our friends remains in a very safe place, deep within us. Not only do they change us, but they also change our world. Taking the good with us wherever we are is the trademark of friendship.

And, sometimes, that's about as normal as things ever get.

In His Care, and Yours,

Budroe

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