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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let scarlett_o_h know that a Blogger sent ya! Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| On the upper right corner of my WDC home page, there is a section called "My Favorites". Today, for the first time in ages, the two things I have wanted to be at the top of that section finally made it. I posted new lessons to the two courses I instruct at the A-1 Writing Academy! Nearly two weeks late, I must admit. If I have as much as a single student left in the course, the only reason will be to see me publicly hanged! <looks furtively towards the classroom> But, after only a few hours of severely (and incessantly) interrupted time, two complete course lessons are up. The students, should they choose, will have something of value. I, on the other hand, only have so much as a moment before my attentions must be turned to other endeavors. It does give me a sense of accomplishment, yet at the same time I look at the pile of things languishing on my task list. Some of them are major projects that require much time, attention to detail, and careful negotiation. Others are merely tasks which must be done. Still others (the forlorn and forgotten) are tasks which I would surely love to get done, sometime. Yes, my desk IS a mess. But, as a friend once so wondrously pointed out to me: "An organized desk is surely the proof of a sick mind!" I can only hope the corollary works equally well. Keeping the priorities in line is a major part of living, I think. I don't do nearly so good a job at that as I once did. It's age, time, and illness all combined, I believe. Or, at least that is the story you will read about here, sports fans. I hope you are doing better with managing your priorities than I am at managing mine. Things just become curioser and curioser. Carroll had it right, I think. He just had no idea how many different applications those particular words would have in his unforseeable future. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| Yeah, well. Okay, so nobody's surprised by that, I hope. Yesterday afternoon, at about 8PM, I lost my internet connection--again! This time, however, it was due to the negligence (admitted) on the part of a Customer Service representative at my ISP. Finally, at 10P TONIGHT!, I restored a previous save on my computer after some 10 hours of attempts by various and sundry technical support persons at my ISP to correct the problem which, they glumly admitted, was on their end. They then announced they would be charging ME $114 for the time they put in to correct their problem. One might well believe I would have a problem with this. You would be entirely correct. However, I merely pointed out to said technical support supervisor personthingey I would be sending them a bill for MY time, which goes at $175/hr, or part thereof. They would be paid when I was paid. They re-thought their position--rather quickly too, I might add. (I had been an alpha tester for their software; this was NOT news to them!) I am back, finally, online. I cannot tell you the psychological trauma I have, for the past day, suffered. Cut off from my "world", including my support, is a torturous thing, friend. I must admit it: I am addicted to the internet! And, of all the places I find myself daily on the internet, none gets more of my time than WDC. I must admit it: I am a WDC junkie! Is there a 12-step for this? Should there be? Is there any hope? *sigh*. <Pats terminal> It's okay, little guy. We're home. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| At MY house! And, I'm invited! Man, what a day. This has been a very strange Friday the 13th at Chateau de Budroe. It's been too quiet for too long. Ya know what I mean? Like, when you are the parent of a toddler? Yeah, like that. I really don't want to get ta grousing about it. The victory is that I have (so far) survived it. That for me IS sufficient. I want to know what strange things have happened in your world today. Let's commiserate! That'll drive Ole Stoopid just insane stoopid crazy nutz! Thanks, Dad. I love You, too. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| Man, this week is pilin' up, and pilin' on. Today has been an extraordinary day of bad tidings here at Chateau de Budroe. I'll have more to say on that later, once I get it all processed. It looks like I am going to be required to do some things that I didn't want to have to do, regarding my Disability after all. <Shakes head in purest disbelief> This site has consumed my days for the days of this week, and yet I have not had the opportunity to spend any time writing in my Blog. I am not too busy, just inappropriately busy, I think. I need to prioritize better, become more efficient in those tasks that my activities require of me, and give some really serious attention to the things of "real" life. Know that I am alright. The heat is having quite an impact on me. So far, though, I am dealing with it effectively, if not happily. I have been moving very slowly these past few days. My friend Tom has taken to referring to me as "the cave dweller", as I just do not get out of my little house much these days. I just took a trip to my little corner grocery store. It took longer, and was more difficult than I had anticipated. This disease is slowly showing itself to me in ways that I just very simply do not much appreciate. I am having a lot of conflicted emotions about the novel at this point. To self-publish requires activities and parameters that I cannot meet at this point. I have no interest in merely seeing my name on a bottom line for a book. The idea was that this would be an intensely profitable venture. I do not see the practical implications of waiting for two years while a Publisher spins. And, no, no publisher has brought the battering ram towards my door. (Lest ye have fears, anon.) Not a bad day, just a busy day. I hope you are safe, happy and well. As things go, things go okay. And, I ain't in too bad a shape for the shape I'm in. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| I hate starting late. From the time I woke up this morning, some 5 hours after going to bed, I have been late--on everything. Distraction after chaotic diversion has been the main course for me today. I have been "noodling", but have gotten zero accomplished that matters. It is not for lack of a list, either. I have a list that would make some full-grown men weep. But, it's one of those doldrum kind of days. Were I the only one to ever experience them, I would be somewhat (but not terribly) concerned. I just do not do them well, that's all. I was very pleased to find my friend Patrick's Blog again. We sort of got disconnected when the whole AOL Blog/Journal debacle occurred some time ago. We each went hunting a suitable site for our blogs, and we each visited different sites. We actually shared a couple of blogging sites at what appears to have been about the same time--and didn't know it. Like myself, Patrick has a series of Blogs devoted to those different major categories of life that compel us to write. I spread mine across the electrons, while Patrick (very wisely) kept his groups together. He has landed at WordPress, and all his blogs would appear to be intact. We, together, put a lot of hours into the AOL experience. We were among the most vocal opponents when the AOL brainiacs decided to, without notice, begin inserting "free" advertising upon our paid Journals. We found this irritating. I found it unacceptable. To his credit, Patrick found in unconcsionable, and voted with his feet, and his several severely excellent Blogs. For various reasons, we each (along with several tens of thousands of other "J-Landers") left AOL to find calmer waters. I tell you this to point out two things: We each, completely independently of one another, moved from a dynamic, caring, intelligent, and sharing community because someone thought they could force us to do something against our will. We were paying customers. We thought otherwise. For me, it was a sadness of loss, because of a wonderful community that I would have done much to keep. That was, however, simply not to be. For my friend Patrick, however, it was the undoing of several years of very carefully, thoughtfully planned, and masterfully developed presentation--not to mention award-winning journalism. I still shivver to think of the hours that move cost my friend. He had developed a first-rate (and voted so, no less!) Blog with countless wonderful icons, images, banners, etc. that were painstakingly designed, developed, and inserted in precisely the one and only place they could possibly have fit. We could say I had entirely different design notions, sometimes referred to enthusiastically as "Early American Junque Store Blog!". But, it became notorious, nonetheless. The greatest loss was, as I said, the loss of community that years had carefully nurtured on the AOL site. Yes, the Journals are still there. Yes, you can create an AIM page in under a minute. But that actually isn't the point. This one Blog represents the most work I have ever done for presentation, design, and ease. From the "scrolling time", you can see I have much still to learn. Patrick is light years ahead of me in many ways, and this is only one of them. His determination to take his "product" to a more appreciative (or at least less intrusive) site was a wonder to behold. Mine was almost inconsequential, and one day I simply did not post any more. He has, as have I, attempted to keep the friends informed of the latest location. That is difficult work during the best of circumstances, because you can believe me when I tell you there were some very hard feelings generated when so many left AOL, and J-Land. It was just bad all the way around. People were angry because of the ads. People got made because of what many considered to be an inappropriate response to having the ads on the Blogs. Further, those same people got so mad they immediately left without so much as a word, and were dropped once again into the anonymity of the electrons. Others were painfully hurt because the community was broken up. Resentment, borne out of a frustration of desertion took hold, and the community began to become toxic. That's when I left. Many, many friends got separated during those days. As an example, imagine signing in tomorrow to WDC and finding 50,000 Bloggers--gone! Yes, it was that shocking. (Yes, I know how many blogs we have. For reference, you can always check to see how many Blogs AOL has.) For those of you who know me, you have some idea how I feel about "community". It was terrible, and I still cannot find many dear friends who at one point lit up my every day simply with their words. Patrick found WordPress. I found WDC. He has the access to his words. I have the community that invigorates, loves, supports, and encourages me. When I left AOL, I wasn't sick. I was just sad. One of the greatest blessings I have received in my life, however, has come from those terrible days. And, today, I regained contact with a friend, and an amazing writer. I find that he has moved from Virginia to South Carolina, and can only suspect that move was work related. He sounds satisfied in the Charleston area. But then, how can one NOT be satisfied in the Charleston area? His WordPress site has, or at least has reference to, all his major Blogs, and those activities that were so carefully crafted years ago to create community. There are even some new ones. I would copy his stuff remorselessly, and you would think me brilliant. "The Saturday Six", his very own special meme, has been augmented with "The Sunday Seven". He is, yet once again, creating a carefully crafted community of truly superior bloggers who come for the meal, and stay because of the host. That's Patrick for you. No wonder he feels comfortable (I entirely presume) in Charleston. Where else on the planet can you find hospitality like those folks deliver? I'm glad I found his work again, and I most highly recommend it to you. He's got some opinions, now. And he's not the least bit shy about sharing them--OR defending them. (I told you we were friends!) If you want to take issue, come prepared. Patrick is one of the most "prepared" writers I know, and he is fully briefed on any issue he writes about. I learned with him, and I learned from him. He made me a better thinker, and a much better writer. I hope you will visit his work, and tell him I sent you (that'll make him crazy!!) Yes, WordPress is a superb community. Yes, I have (and have had for some time now) a Blog there. I just never activated it until today. I'm not going anywhere, Blog-wise. But, I think I can reduce significantly the number of off-site blogs from 9 to, say 2. That would be nice, Working smarter is still a good thing. My Blog will never be as "dressed up" as Patrick's is (probably), and my words may not speak with the authoritative splendor his well-researched and sublimely prepared posts represent. But, we are friends. We do talk, and share and grow through our Blogs. I want him very much to meet, and know, the community that replaced the very best community of bloggers (we believed) on the internet. I know you'll love his stuff, and there is no doubt he will love yours. You can find him at http://www.patrickkphillips.com/. I wish him well. I am grateful to have him around again--even if he does sometimes believe his sole purpose in life is to be the stinging gadfly on the butt of our collective consciousness. But, I'll even give him credit there, too. He does it very, very well.Welcome, Patrick. I'm glad you are here. I'll see you Saturday. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| I have just finished listening to Garrison Keillor's monologue on NPR, "News from Lake Woebegone". I do truly thrill with this program. "A Prairie Home Companion" has been quite the companion for me along my journey. You can find out more about this show (presuming the mothership just landed, of course) here: http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/ I really love this new-time, old-time radio serial. Here, at Chateau de Budroe, things are moving quite slowly today. These are the full, lazy days of summer in my part of the world. I have so many remembrances of these days from my (yes, I DID one time have a childhood!) youth, shelterd by the loving hills of the Appalachian Mountains of Southeastern Kentucky. Those truly were the simple days, and simple times of my life. I miss not the days, but the feelings of those days. It seems more and more difficult to bring them back into my mind, yet there are certain triggers which rush them, flooding headlong into my "now". One of these is, of all things, Watermelon. I saw some at the store the other day. Suddenly, I was sitting on the swing on my front porch, my face diving into a big hunk of prime, fresh, sweet, succulent Watermelon. It was not just a special treat at my house. It was a sign of the times. We were never allowed to have Watermelon until the 4th of July, you see. That's when it became ripe. My father, for decades, was given the task of providing the Watermelon for everyone's pleasure at our annual family reunions. I'm talking stake-bed truckloads here, folks. Hundreds of our clan would gather at the Elemenatary School "over on Troublesome Creek", near where my father spent much of his childhood. It was always the Watermelon that seemed to put an end to the "organized" festivities of every Reunion. The sack races, and the baseball games, the funny contests and even the meal itself were all punctuated by the serving of this most delicious fruit. We kids would completely stuff ourselves, "legally" spitting seeds as far as we could (or at whomever we chose) for hours. For the old folks, it was also a time to begin the never-ending stories. My people are a story-telling bunch; it's one of our hallmarks. You know, it's kind of funny. I've never related that fact with this membership before. True. This was a most important time for the adults, but not so much for the kids of the clan. Ours was a time for going to the Creek, and skipping rocks, splashing in the roaring waters--or at least so it seemed back then--and bonding with cousins. Discussions of what the next school year would ensue, with excited utterances all around. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Meanwhile, back at the picnic tables, the adults were bonding, too. The younger being instructed on things of import by those older ones. Stories, told for ages, were being told once more; being passed down and passed on to the next generation. I know way too much about my Fields roots. At an early age, I discovered there were some thrilling story tellers among my clan. I cannot bring any of them to mind without first remembering my Grandmother, "Nanny". My father was a legendary story teller--especially when telling stories on himself. My Uncle Troy was the "official" historian of the clan. His stories were of ancient times, and told of things like the first train into our hometown. He told of the hardships of "The Depression" (whatever that was!) in the homes of my kinsmen. Aunt Dicey was the one you went to when you wanted to know who was related to whom, how, and most importantly, why. She was a cracker, my Aunt Dicey. She was a youngster, too, at 78 (the last time I saw her at a Reunion) she had everyone pegged. Besides my father, and myself, Aunt Dicey was the only person I ever knew who could name, correctly, in order, all 20 of my father's brothers and sisters. And, she had a story about each and every one of them, too! Some had to be told quietly, because of the story to be told. Sitting under the sprawling Maples around the Elementary School, we went to school. The adults bonded, and added to the Hillbilly "mystique" of clannish family life. Times were never so good. I miss those days. I miss the simplicity and the ease of just BEING that those days afforded us all. True, we did not yet have (but surely soon would) so much on our shoulders. It is also true that we had no real notion of what living, life, or the world were all about, either. We didn't need any. We were together, doing what families did, the way that families in my little world did them. We laughed, we played stupid games, we cried and mourned the most recent passings. We talked. And, we ate Watermelon. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| Things are going much more slowly around Chateau de Budroe this week. Purposely so, I might add. It is difficult to realize that we are in the middle of Summer already! June almost did not exist for me. From the looks of things, things are about to get "interesting" again. I am experiencing some of the same difficulties I had just prior to "the event", and for equally no apparent reason. I am trying to hold off until Saturday for the requisite bloodwork, to see how the Coumadin levels are doing. I just began that drug again this past Monday, and want some time to see how the PT/I &R are doing from a theraputic dosage standpoint. This evening has been much more interesting than I prefer. Enough grumbling. I realized, as I made my (complete! YAY!) rounds of the Blogs last evening that there has been just a ton of living going on around me! It has been going on in the lives of bloggers that I care very much about, and I have missed it. Not only have I failed to consistently blog myself, but I have not acknowledged those on my bloglist in some time. I do sincerely aplologize for that. It is nothing less than the very same difficulty we all find, from time to time. I allow myself to accept the fact that every day is not always possible, or even a reasonable expectation for my blogging. I do write (a lot!) every day, however. Visiting those blogs that mean so much to me is not a chore, but rather a distinct pleasure. I do miss it when I am not able to get by to share in those lives, and discover new bloggers that do it so well. It is not from vanity, or attitude, I promise. As with us all, sometimes things just happen at the speed of life. Such is the case with this poor blogger in recent times. This Blog matters to me. It is my journey. But, it has become the journey of so very many. I need to keep that in my mind. Yes, I write it (usually) only for myself, as an honest reflection of those things that matter in my world. I so appreciate the knowledge that there are so many who walk with me on this journey, even as they are walking their own journey. That nothing of significance happens in a particular day is simply not the truth. Imagine a complete day without so much as one significant event--and you are not comatose or on life support! How sad is that? More to the point, it simply does not happen in my world. I'll do better. A-1 is doing better every day, as well. The fear is slowly becoming acceptance, and folks are beginning to feel safe in coming up with the very exciting opportunities for our students that I knew were there. We are doing some serious "re-vamping", and the staff and faculty are coming alongside slowly, as they come to understand the purpose, mission, and vision of the Academy into the next Academy year. It is an exciting time. The writing isn't developing as I would like, but at least this week I did write my very own original words. That gave me a real lift of the spirit. My friend Susan Thompson gave me a bouquet of WDC flowers last week. I love balloons. Why? Because she was feeling down. Now, just how very cool is that? Thank you, my friend. I hope they lifted us both up; I know they surely did lift me up. Your presence, even when unspoken, is always known to me. Your thoughts, and your prayers, sustain me. If I have, by my absence where you live, made you feel anything less than extreme gratitude, I sincerely apologize, and ask your forgiveness. I know it's summer, because my landlady is preparing for what appears to be some kind of mega-flea market--on MY front lawn! Actually, she has about 20 conference tables stretching from the front corne of her lawn, across her driveway, and onto my front lawn. That's over 1/2 city block, folks. It's just her. Not the entire Ladies Auxillary--just one person. Come on by this weekend, and get some real deals on perfectly good "stuff"! She just threw a 48-piece setting of Christmas China in the trash today because she thought no one would want to buy Christmas China in July! (Umm, it's Dalton, okay? And, now safely in my closet too, I might add.) This should be fun. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be invisible, or manning the cash register. She hasn't invited me to participate. Of course, she hasn't invited the Police to provide Traffic Control either--yet. It's a huge event, and the street gets log-jammed with traffic. She always has this extravaganza the week before the Church across the street has their summer Bazaar. They get a LOT of stuff from her. (Everything she doesn't sell goes over there and she gives it another whirl!) This happens every year! Her house is not THAT huge! I don't know where it all comes from, but I do know it is all hers, and its from her home. I'm convinced there's an underground warehouse/bunker/root cellar involved, but I haven't located it yet. Perhaps, while she's busily helping customers..... In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| I tell ya, I really don't know if I have too many irons in the fire right now. The one thing I love best about WDC seems to be the very last thing I get time to do. I miss writing new words. This Blog is a life-saver in that department. But, I have some good news to report. I have written new words! And, there's a few other things on my plate today, as well. I got (didn't everybody?) a note from SM telling me about the new "Short Shots" contest for July. It's a story contest put on monthly by WDC, and the winner gets a $100 Gift Card to Amazon.com. Now, that isn't the solution to anyone's financial dilemma, but it beats the heck out of a sharp stick in the eye! The photo for this month's contest can be found here:
I was struck by the color of the water. It was so pretty and blue-green, it reminded me of my favorite beach: Kaanapali Beach in Maui, Hawaii. My family and I spent many pleasant days there. The bottle was interesting to me, but it was the ribbon around the note in the bottle that got my brain goin'. They say to "write about what you know!", so I did. I hope you'll take a look at my work, and let me know what you think of it. I like it, and I hope you will like it too. I put an "18+" rating on it, to be safe. I would really prefer a "13+" rating, but I don't want to be disqualified from the contest. Would you tell me what you think the best rating for this piece would be? I'd appreciate any Reviews or comments you would care to make.
In other news: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I am a proud sponsor of a WDC  Rising Star!!  I happened across this Blog some days ago, and I was just totally blown away. I had pretty much the same reaction to this writing as I did the first time I read David McClain  's Blog. Well, I guess I must have been impressed, huh! I hope you will check out the work of "my" rising star, Dave Gordon . And, be sure to stop by this talented writer's blog! You just will NOT regret it.
Incidentally, our own David McClain is in the spotlight this month. He is a featured writer on Center Stage!! He had a really cheezy interview with the sponsor, but for those of us who know him, and love his work, it was just classic Tor. Congratulations, David! You may not have made it to the Great Broad Way yet, but you sure have made Center Stage! (The only way I make it to center stage is with a broom and dustpan in my hands. Go figger!) You can check out his honor here:
Let's see! Anything else happenin' around this joint? Well, of course there is, but I'll leave sleepin' dogs lie--for the moment. I hope you all have a wonderful, and safe, Fourth of July! Happy Birthday, my beloved America!! In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| "Recent research has led to the discovery of the heaviest Element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 Assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an Element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons."(Thanks to my friend J.L. for this Flash (Yeah, right!) Bulletin!)  When all else fails, and the Courts you have supposedly packed just can't find their way clear to go your way--commute the sentence. What unmitigated arrogance. In happier news, Deborah Owen seems to have flown through her surgery with flying colors. She will have a few weeks of some tough pain, and rehab that will be quite painful. I hope you will drop her a line of support and encouragement. Her ankle had to be plated and pinned. If you've had that kind of surgery, you know of its pain and difficulty. She has already communicated with me this evening, though. I thought she was still in the Hospital--she's home! She will be on slow cruise this week, at least. We remember her, her family, and their needs during this time. Also, winter has had a few days of--vacation! I just can't think of anyone more deserving. She isn't feeling too swift at the moment, and she had a necessary continuation treatment today, so life is being kind of rough for her. I hope you will remember her in your thoughts and prayers, as well. I'm sure a word of encouragement would go a long way right now. And, my beloved cousin Annie B. cuznanne  was recently recognized by the Miss Virginia Pageant Organization for her more than ten years of volunteerism. She recieved an Honor at the Miss Virginia Pageant, held this past week. Not only was she serving as the coordinator for TWO contestants from her home area, but she is also serving as webmaster for local and statewide pageant operations, among other services she has provided over the years for that great organization. I am so very happy for her, and so proud of her! Way ta go, Cuz! I have more upon which to report, and specifically my reflections concerning a visit from a dear friend to this journey, and this blog Tom C . He returned to his home yesterday after several days here in the area. I will have much more to say about that soon. I am glad he made it safely home. I am more than grateful for his friendship, and his time and efforts while visiting my little house. Thank you so very much for an incredible time! NB:The penguin STAYS! I AIN'T givin' 'im up! In His Care, and Yours! Budroe Okay, so June was my lowest ever full month at 13/30. I also note, somewhat with glee I may add, that I have already missed the first day of July. THERE! That's over with! Now, I can relax, and speak what's on my brain, and in my heart. This pressure's intense, y'all! |
| Yeah, well, it hit with full force today. Today, I had to visit a new Hospital. The people were just as friendly, and helpful as one could possibly hope for. They were ready for my arrival, and immediately processed me into their system. In only moments, I was in the cardio-pulmonary lab, speaking with the Specialist they had sent to perform the tests with me today. He was a very kind and gentle-speaking man, named Dr. "G". For the purposes of a permanent record of events, the plan was to: 1. Begin a time pulse-oximetry telemetry. This is that little "clothes-pin" device they put on your finger. They were going to print it out in a graph (telemetry) over several readings, or data points, to get a baseline look at how my lungs are processing oxygen. 2. Perform a special type of Pulmonary Function Test (PFT) to see how my lungs are working, generally. Because of my condition, they can't use the regular flow of air through the mechanism into my lungs, so they were prepared to use a pediatric machine (for little guys) to perform the test. 3. Take a cardio image of my heart to measure the amount of enlargement since the last image was taken. The plan was to get the image via ultra-sound. Based upon the tests, the decision would be immediately made by the Disability Determination Bureau folks at Social Security as to my Disability status based upon the ORIGINAL Disability Diagnosis of Primary Pulmonary Hypertension, resulting from the damage from the honkin' large blood clot which destroyed both my lungs. Cancer Disability would be secondary (rightfully so, since it really is not a concern at this point.) Dr. "G" sat me in the PFT booth, and got me ready for the test. He took a pulse oximeter ("clothes pin") out of his pocket (MAN! What we have created with technology!), and stuck it on my left index finger. I watched it take the reading. The result was "92%". He took it off, shook it, checked the batteries, and shook it some more. He asked me for my other finger (Right hand index finger), and applied the device to that finger. I watched it as the reading, after only a few seconds, read "90%". Dr. "G" looked at me, and said "Where's your Oxygen?" "I don't have any--yet!" I replied. "Ok. I'll be right back, Mr. Fields." He went to his desk, and made a phone call. He identified himself to the only person he could have been talking to: My Disability Claims person. "Mr. Fields does not have sufficient "pulse ox" to perform the PFT, and we can't film the heart without it. What do you want me to do? (Pregnant Pause) No, actually, I would recommend he be hospitalized, or at least given a prescription for O2!" Ok, thank you." He came over to me, smiling. "You are done, Mr. Fields. You may go home now." Ten minutes. Done. Tests not completed as requested, because the patient did not have the minimum oxygen saturation level required to perform the examination according to Disability Standards, per Dr. "G", who happens to be Chief of Pulmonary Medicine at the leading Hospital in Indianapolis, Indiana. (I'm not making impressions here, folks. I'm just sayin'...) I have no idea what that means, or what that means to me. I just got back in Tom's van, and home we came, scratching our heads. I know what I think it means. I know what I believe Tom thinks it means. I have no idea what the DDB folks will think it means. What I HOPE it means is that these people will stop messin' around and give me either my disability benefits, or let me loose. They've flagged my SSAN, and I can't recieve ANY income or face Disability fraud. I have, for reasons I cannot explain even to myself, become convinced they will deny my claim. If I am correct, I will not be too upset. (Neither will my Attorney, who is chomping at the bit if and when they do!) If I am incorrect, I will be very thankful, and pleasantly surprised. Any other preparation on my part would be motivated purely from fear, which is something I must not allow at this moment in my journey. The signposts continue to advise me that I am further into the journey than I believe, or even suspect. Every time something is learned, that is what it points to. I'm truly okay with that, so long as I know that is what it means. As my friend Kara can tell you, it is terribly difficult having options, unless you have no options. Then, any option is a good one--or at least a better one. I do not want to have to face the liklihood of life with the Disability turned down. But, at least I could get the book published, and available for purchase--because that I CAN do. The other options are just not ones I can mentally entertain at the moment. And, within those options lies the fear I am not prepared to conquer at this particular moment. But, when required, I will. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
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