%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
|
Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let scarlett_o_h know that a Blogger sent ya! Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| This is a short entry. I have been fighting computers today. The good news is I have not been fighting mine. My friend, visiting me, brought his computer down to see how serious the virus damage wa to his computer (pretty serious, actually). I've been able to get the computer operational, partially, but he still cannot access the Internet. That seems to be a big deal for him before he returns tomorrow to Michigan. This morning at 1100, I will begin some testing at a hospital about two hours from here for the final Disability Determination Bureau of the Social Security Administration. Some pulmonary (lung) tests, and some cardio tests for my heart, which seems to be enlarging at a rather significant rate. I'm a little concerned, but only because of the potential outcome of the tests, both as they concern my changing health AND as they may well be the determination factors for my disability. I'd ask for your thoughts and prayers for this trip. It will be an important one, on many fronts. My friend will most likely return to the Detroit area today, as well. Remember him for travel mercies, too. He is a good friend, who has been a tremendous help to me over these past weeks--and expecially these past few days. He is a very good man, and a very dear friend. I received word tonight that the CEO of the A-1 Writing Academy, Deborah Owen  had a fishing accident today while on vacation, and broke her ankle in two places. The good news is that the fish did NOT make off with her new rod and reel! I'd ask you to remember Deb today, in her pain and fear as she faces possible surgery for the correction to this problem. I'm uptight. I guess that's okay at the moment. Think good thoughts. I'll let you know what I know, as I learn of it. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| Oh, MAN!!! Y'all, I want you to read my previous entry. Then, I really NEED you to check out this one: "Invalid Entry" Please? HURRY!! DO IT NOW!! |
| As many of you along this journey with me know, some time ago, I asked you to join me in sharing your thoughts and prayers for a very special friend to us all, winter. No one failed. The outpouring of your love, thoughts and prayers was revealed today to the Warrior Princess. She had a lot of tears as she read the words, saw the gifts, read the Awards, and just absorbed the love. And, it continues even now. I wish to thank you each for simply being the one reason that, even here in the valley, hope lives. Hope is, even in the very best of times, a sometimes fleeting thing. We lose it and we misplace it in others. Sometimes, we should not. Sometimes, we dare not. It means too much in even the most ordinary life. When you are called on this journey, hope sometimes becomes impossible to see, find, or feel. Love is like that too, sometimes. Under every roof on the planet there is doubt. Doubt, as one wise man said, is one of the most important components of faith. I have said that doubt is just disbelief in disguise. Can the two both be correct? I believe so, yet I also believe they cannot simultaneously take up the same space. It is not so much that we have doubt, but rather how we use it as a tool; leveraging our fears past the obstacles of this journey. Doubt and hope are a broad beam, resting upon the fulcrum of faith. Both are needed, I believe, in order for this journey to finally make sense. Isn't it like that in that long-ago world of the "merely normal", too? It seems to me that I distinctly remember them there, in those oh-so-long-ago days. When I was called upon this journey, I brought them both with me, because I knew that, for me, they would forever balance at some point or other--and there hope would be. The counter-balances of love, and fear are also constantly present. It is really easy to feel the pressure of one lending itself to one end of the beam, and giving downward pressure. Our position on the beam is what we laughingly refer to as our "present reality". That, too is ever-shifting. Sometimes, it is because of what we do. Sometimes, it is what others do to us, or for us. There can be a suffocating response within our reality to both fear AND love, when applied to the beam. As easy as any of us can so readily identify with those pressures in our lives that result in the downward spin of doubt, is it then so much more difficult to understand the downward pressure of love upon our lives? Where exactly is it that we, each of us, come to the point where selfless love causes us discomfort, or fear? Yet, try as we might to believe, and act otherwise, selfless love is the greater of the two pressures upon us, and by far the more difficult to bear. We do, at some point in our lives if we are fortunate, come to understand, and employ successful techniques to apply sufficient counter-force to alleviate, or at least diminish our fears. How do you diminish the effects of overwhelming selfless love? Have you ever had the opportunity to feel that? Do you know of what I speak? How do you respond, when you are being bombarded with love? What do you say that is sufficient? How do you make the receiving of selfless love "okay" in your world? It can be a terribly difficult task. It can actually be an impossibly difficult task. There's nowhere to go when that kind of love invades your heart, or your mind. Or, your soul. All you can do is permit it, and allow it. That is an extremely vulnerable position for the average "belly button" kid to be in. You know, I believe we have entirely too much experience with the one side of the beam, and not nearly enough experience with the other. What does that say to us, about us? It is a wise saying that tells us that the one true way to find a real friend is to be a real friend. You want a smile? Give one away, and see what happens. Do you have a need? Give past your capacity. Do you feel helpless in your life, or in your relationship, or just in your living? Help someone. But how do you return selfless love, in such measure "pressed down and shaken in such measure that you will not have storehouses enough to store it all"? (Malachi 3:10, Luke 6:38) I believe you allow it. You embrace it, and you hang onto it for all you are worth. That is just so very hard sometimes. We forget that, for those of us who proclaim ourselves to be Christ-followers, we really do have an example set before us. And, He also gives us a solution for this seeming impossible dilemma. "Love one another, even as I have loved you!" (John 13:34) And, you have. And, you do. And, you will. You have done, and are doing such a good thing for our special friend Raven. She needs it so very badly as she nears a very high mountain. But, you see, we are blessed so that we may be a blessing. As I told her, ours are the only arms that God has to hug us with. Don't be afraid, or upset when you receive a measure of His love. Allow it; permit it. Embrace it even as He is embracing you. Let it fill the furthest recesses of your entire being. When you are the recipient of such love as this, you cannot conceive of it as being worthy. And, being "belly button" kids, we sometimes argue against it. It's perfectly natural to not believe (knowing ourselves as we do) we are entitled to it. This, not in some grandiose self-deprecating spectacle, but in a crushing realization that we are truly who we are. And, only when each of us fully realizes the truth that we are first, before anything else, "the Beloved of God", can we ever hope to cope with such an outpouring of selfless love as you have shown our friend along this journey. I happen to know of these things, from a very personal perspective. You do precisely the same for me, every day. Today, a young recent college graduate realized something that she had perhaps never, ever known. She is worthy of our selfless love for not any single reason other than who she is--to us. She sees herself quite differently than we do. Is it so very different for you? For me? No, not really. If our ability and willingness to give selflessly to another were entirely based upon how we see ourselves I must confess I believe there would be even much less good, and love in this World as there is. Do you know what I mean? If we only got the love that we felt we were worth, how much would be ours? In another view, if we only received that love which others showed us we were worth, in the quiet moments, what would that measure of love truly be? Love in its truest form is simply a gift. We give it away, and in the best of circumstances we do so without the first inkling of return expected. That IS selfless love. I think it is the only true form of love no matter into which category you place it. Eros, Phileo, or Agape. Anything else is merely a bribe. Conditional love is one of the most dangerous weapons in the human arsenal. Rest assured, it is an entirely human weapon. But, my Dad does not possess the ability to conditionally love any one of His kids. There is, my dear beloved, not one single thing you can do that will make our Dad love you less. Likewise, there is not one single thing you can do that will make our Dad love you more. These are two of the several things I believe my Dad does not know. There just is no way. Is that the way WE love? Is that the way we FEEL loved? Why not? We doubt, and we fear. That's why not. We do not natively trust anything, or anyone. While we point to those daily stark reminders of the reality of this world, and tell our children to only love certain ones, or to hate only certain ones, we bring them up with a grossly inaccurate, and deceptively evil world view. We make it impossible to love each other, because we are so busy making it entirely impossible for us to love...ourselves. We forget that Dad threw all of the Universe into place, and created a very special place where we could just get loved. We wind up at the Chasm sad, and defeated, and blame Dad for the entire ordeal. How can we love Him? And, how in the World could He possibly love us? Well, if we insist on keeping our hugs to ourselves, He simply cannot. If we measure our love supply, guarding it mercilessly against the invasion of the unworthy, beloved, we simply keep what we have. We gain none, but we are so smart that we realize we lose none, either. We don't expend it on ourselves, we parcel it out, in dribbles to those with whom we feel "safe", so long as they perform as they have been conditioned in order to receive it from us. Doubt and fear consume all the portions of our existence meant to be filled with an abundance of love we cannot even imagine. "Rather safe than sorry!" How utterly, and completely ridiculous! "If I don't love, at least I won't get hurt!" Nothing could be further from the truth. "Guard your heart, lest you be hurt!" What a total crock! If you truly need to feel loved, love until you think your heart is completely empty. Love past where it hurts, until you think you cannot possibly love one bit more! Love with a passion, an exuberance, and with a determination that cannot be repelled! Love selflessly. Most of us can, at some level, relate to this kind of love with our children, our spouses, or perhaps even that special one "friend". But, can you do that same kind of love, to the same level, with a total stranger? If you ever had a moment's doubt about that, don't. You've proven your capacity, and your capability for just that with one person: winter. You've proven your willingness to go even further with one person: Budroe . We are strangers, in a foreign land. It is a very short trip, and then we are Home. Selfless love impales our souls with that truth, and one other undeniable truth as well: We have within us, each one of us, just enough of Dad to make a Dad-sized difference when it truly matters. And, sometimes, that is when we discover that, right when we found out we have nothing left, Dad is all we ever truly needed in the first place. And, He shows up, and He shows off. He brings along on our journey strangers to love us, and lift us upward, back to the bounds of love, and hope. He helps us to hug each other, and to make His love our own--just like He always wanted to in the first place. I know. You show me that every day. Raven got to see, feel, and experience a very special measure of that today. And, Dad saw it, and it was very, very good. If, for any reason at all, you feel that you cannot believe these words, I would ask you to check out THIS response!! "Invalid Entry" In His Care, and Yours! Budroe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| A very dear friend along this journey and I were having a conversation today. He, at no particular point, broke out with a question that floored me. "What do you think Heaven is like? I thought about that for a moment, and smiled. I knew the one answer that has always meant the most to me, and I shared it with him. I would like to share it with you, too. It is, as luck would have it, a song. This song, written and performed by Janet Pascal back in the late 1990's, is a love song to a dear departed loved one. I'd like to think that it is a song that means as much to all of those who have gone on before us as it does to me when I consider the question my friend posed to me today. Throughout the years, it has brought me comfort. "How Are Things at Home?" Summer's almost over, how time slips away. Seasons arent the same without you here. And I know you're up in Heaven, but I miss you anyway, And I guess I'm doin' fine, I've learned to take it day by day, But I can't help but wonder, ever since you went away;.... How are things at Home? Is it all your heart dreamed it would be? With more than simple faith that you believed, Is it bright and fair? Does the sound of children fill the air? And no one there is hurting, or afraid? Oh , how much I wonder, wonder: How are things at Home? They say the mercy river flows beyond the shining sea, Fashioned by the very hand of God. And they say that death can never live inside the city walls, Sorrow is a stranger, and no teardrop ever falls. But more and more, my heart can't wait To come to where you are. How are things at Home? Is it all your heart dreamed it would be? With more than simple faith that you believed, Is it bright and fair? Does the sound of children fill the air? No one there is hurting, or alone? Oh how much I wonder; wonder how are things at Home. Oh how much I wonder; wonder. How are things at Home?" Janet Pascal |
| Okay, so anyway... I went to the eye doctor's today, and got my new glasses. And, I got, umm, confused, too. My previous prescription was for bi-focals. A distance vision prescription covered my ability to see to drive the truck. This was, given all considerations, a good thing. Having a truck driver moving 80,000 pounds of the freight of your choice down the highways at just slightly above the posted speed limit AND being able to see what is going on around him is, in my limited menatation, a good thing. I also had a "near" vision prescription in the bi-focal as well for reading the instruments and doing paperwork, so I got paid. I thought this, too was a very good thing. Todays's addition gives me 'intermediate" distance capability, which allows me to clearly see my computer screen, as well as "near" vision for seeing the keyboard, and to read. So, the new glasses will live at my desk. My old prescription will be for everything else. The theory is that my eyes have had to work for all these months with an incorrect prescription for the intermediate vision, and my eye muscles have become overly fatigued from trying to compensate for an inappropriate prescription for the work I was asking them to do for what would sometimes be 20 hours a day. The doctor tells me that, in a few weeks, if I use these eyeglasses correctly, my muscles will return to strength, and I should be able to see distance again. I do not know if that is true, but it does make sense. I can tell you that, at least for the purposes of this entry, the new glasses work amazingly well. It is sort of appropriate that this new prescription should be delivered at precisely 2:36PM on June 21st. As fortune (or whatever) would have it, for those of us who had no freakin' idea... Happy Summer! That was the "moment" of the Equinox on this, the longest day of light in our Hemisphere of the entire year. More time to see more stuff! Isn't that cool? A very special friend on this journey had surgery today. Our friend "Tired Kitty" had surgery today that has been scheduled for some time. I have prayed for her, and do continue to pray for her and those who love her dearly as she now begins the recovery process which, if all goes well, will return her to good physical health. I hope you will remember her in your thoughts, and prayers as well. Drop by and leave her an email note, if you could. It would mean so much to her. TiredKitty  has been a very special friend on this journey, and a dear personal friend for years now. She hangs out in Texas (near Dallas), and you know they have been having some "Mother Nature" fits down that way of late, with a lot of flooding and other weather challenges. She has been a very special supporter of mine for a long time now, and has never failed to live up to the first thing I ever knew about her: she is a very powerful prayer warrior! I know Dad listens when she talks, personally! Hers is a very special story, indeed. I hope you will get to know her, because you will never be the same after you do. She is just awsome. She is my friend. I love her. Dizziness seems to be a first-day reality for the new prescription, and I seem to be woozy. So, I will just end this entry with a note of thanks to all of you who show me every day that supporting those you call friends is a selfless activity, and not merely a spectator event. winter is one who knows, as I do, that you are powerful friends who do not shirk, do not blink, and do not waiver. I am so thankful for you all. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
| This is a short entry, with more to follow later. In about an hour, I will (or, at least should) recieve a new pair of glasses from the Opthamologist at the Family Health Clinic. If they work, I will be able to really see, at least as far as my keyboard. Since April, 2006, I have been using a pair of eyeglasses from a prescription that was over eight years out of service! I hope this will bring back some of my vision, and allow me to see those things that I have missed. With any luck at all, the leaves will, again, "have edges". I'll let you know. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
| Today is a special day in the valley. One of my friends, and a very special friend on this journey Tom C is in the Louisville area for a few days. He just left my little house. He will be staying with friends, here is Southeastern Indiana for a few days. Although we have been online friends since September of 2006, Tom C (yet another Tom in my world) and I have shared many adventures. I am grateful that he has taken the time to share a few of his days with me. It will be good. There is, as I am certain you know, some encouraging news about our winter. She has been (at least temporarily) moved from the Intensive Care Unit to the TCU (Transitional Care Unit). Her fever has, for the time being, broken, and she is without signs of the infection which, only two days ago, threatened her life. This is only the beginning of a very long journey, which involves extreme and life-threatening treatments for our dear friend. Each treatment aggressively attacks her entire body rather indiscriminantly. It is the "shock and awe" of truly radical Chemo-Therapy. The treatment plan calls for a total of 35 treatments. She had her third today. Every one of them is not only a direct assault on her body, causing some truly incredible pain, but also which could very easily put Raven back in ICU, and on life's brink. So, for her and for us, this is a very carefully navigated mine field. I don't know what thoughts may be going through your mind as you read these words. I do know the thoughts that go through my mind as I write these words. Dad does not give us more than we can handle. But, at times of His choosing, and solely for His purposes, Dad will choose to give us more to handle than we can handle alone. We are, by nature, people of the Belly Button. Belly button kids have this inherent thought process that usually ends, just before "I can handle it!" leaves our lips. We are a very proud bunch. Not only do we believe we can, should, or must handle it, we also seem to feed from some kind of genetic overload that says we must handle it ourselves. On this journey, one of the most difficult realities to face is that many, if not most things that are required to be experienced on this journey are things that we absolutely cannot handle ourselves. We can't do it. We can't do it alone. That's when Dad shows up. Sometimes, it is in the form of a touch. Sometimes, it is in the form of a hug from a dear friend, a family member, or a care giver. Ours are, you see, the only arms Dad has to hug us with. And, sometimes it comes to us from the most unexpected places. In a couple of days there is going to be a reality for one of us that is beyond comprehension. You are helping to create it. Please continue that help. All around the globe, people unknown are lifting their thoughts and prayers, and their good wishes right up into the very Throneroom of Heaven itself. Something must be working, at least for the moment. A life-ending fever doesn't exist any more. A life-ending infection cannot be found at this moment. If further proof were required, my friend Raven is still with us, and recovering as she prepares for the opportunity to be at home for a day or two. You can say of this, or make of this anything you choose. The only thing I can tell you is what one very sick little gal in Mississippi had to say about it: "You may call it Father's Day. I will, forever, remember it as the day my Dad showed up, and showed off. It was a very happy Dad's Day around here." For her, a friend on the journey came to visit. For me, a dear friend on the journey came to visit. They both will hang around for a while, just because they can. That's just not such a bad thing. Having friends like Tom, and Dad can surely make a terrible moment into a brighter day. For Raven, and for us all, the battle continues. But, you see, the battle continues because friends we may not even know are battling for us, and with us. By the thousands, legions of friends are not doing everything; they are just doing everything they can. And, the promise has always been that when we do all we can do, Dad will do what we cannot do. Now, that's a friend. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
I received, today, a really neat writing from my dear friend along this journey, E E Coder  . In his note, he said that he did not write this, but rather received it from a friend. According to him, he thought of me, and this journey's friends.For those of you who have so selflessly contributed your thoughts, wishes, and prayers for our friend winter, I would like to offer you my most sincerest thanks. I hope you will continue to lift her up to our Dad. I hope you will (and I know many of you have) visit, and contribute your talents to the cause. It is a slow day here at Chateau de Budroe. I have been working very hard to get up to speed with the latest activity in my writing life. I watched Tiger almost win the PGA Open Tourney in Pennsylvania today. I don't watch much television. I don't find much in the way of entertainment value for myself in the offerings of commercial television these days. Regardless of the channel, it seems that the market the networks are attracting, or at least attempting to attract consumers for products I just don't much care to buy, or buy into. Is it just me? So, for the time being, I keep my mind focused on this site, and my writing life. I think I have been trapped in the WDC vortex. Swirling around my daily life, it is not that I have the website on my computer. It isn't that I have the website in my favorites. It isn't even that I spend time on the site during my day. I have the site up on my computer all the time. It is not the time I spend here that I notice. It is the time I am away from the site that I notice. Am I the only one? Do you understand what I mean when I speak of the "vortex" ? Is it just me? Thank you, Ernie for this wonderful work. It means much. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe Dancing With God When I meditated on the word Guidance I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing. When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person, and gentle guidance and skill from the other. My eyes drew back to the word Guidance. When I saw "G: I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i". "God, "u" and "i" dance" God, you, and I dance. As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead. My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies be upon you on this day and every day. May you abide in God as God abides in you. Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life. This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached. If God has done anything for you in your life, please share this message with someone else, for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards; so let's continue to pray for one another! And I Hope You Dance! Author unknown (to me) |
| Well, it seems that our friend winter is in some really serious trouble. She is hospitalized, in the Intensive Care Unit of her home hospital, and is really having some problems at the moment. I have sent to you a message regarding this. I can't do much, but I will do what I can. I am in contact with her primary care giver who also happens to be a friend along on this journey, as well. She is very afraid, and sad at this hour. Another mutual friend of both our journeys, made a request. I did what I could. If what I did caused you any feeling other than joy at the opportunity to be of service for one of our own, I do apologize and sincerely ask your forgiveness. It was not meant in any other regard. Fear. There is this white-lightening bolt of terror which runs through each of us at times in our lives. We can rationalize, justify, explain, and talk a really good story. But sometimes, when you are on this journey, fear becomes consuming. I know, from personal experience, that fear. I know its name, how it looks, how it feels, what it does, how it tastes, and most importantly how it affects a person. One of the most powerful men of God to ever step foot on Earth's soil, in my view, knew that fear. When he was diagnosed with a recurrence of the very same kind of Leukemia that now has Raven in fear, he shut down. Months later, in a conversation he said that he shut down because, in that moment of greatest fear, he knew doubt--about everything. Had his life mattered at all? Was any of this "Faith" stuff real, or simply delusion? Was there a God, or Heaven, or a Spirit/Comforter? There are times when each of us knows this fear. If you are a member along on this journey, you know that I have felt it. If you have read any of the Blogs listed here, you know that others have felt it, too. It took this giant of faith 2 months to overcome his fears, and regain the position of strength that he had known for his entire life--and I DO mean his entire life. One month later, he was Home. Knowing it can happen is a terrible thing on this journey. Knowing it will happen, at some appointed moment will keep you awake nights, long before the event. But, knowing in your heart that it IS happening? What faith is required to be calm in that moment? What overwhelming fear for those called upon this journey, regardless of the position on it you hold, can that possibly resemble? With love, radical Thanks - giving, and the heartfelt embrace of those we call friend, not much. Raven has many near her. She has many more who are holding her up in their hearts in this terribly fearful hour. She has many thousands, around the globe, whom she will never know, who have her name in their thoughts and prayers. Is that enough? Is that enough for her? Is that enough for her now? This is one of those most difficult realities to face on this journey. People do not like to know it, think about it, feel it, or admit it. But, here it is. If you remember way back when, we agreed to be honest with one another. I am telling you honestly that I know this fear. It does not attack me relentlessly. It does not flavor every bite I put in my mouth. Nor does it garner strength with every lessening beat of my heart. It doesn't have to. It awaits for the most appropriate time to strike, and it strikes without hesitation. This fear assails me from every conceivable iteration of my soul. It harbors me only ill will, and believes it has no alternative but complete annihialation of my peace. When it strikes, it strikes not in force, or with force. It is a suicide mission with no recourse. It enters, from the least possible access and spreads like a wildfire throughout my entire being in a matter of parts of a second, and I am surrounded and consumed. I must give 110% of my available energy, resources, and will to the simple retreat of this insideous liar. Until you know it, my dearly beloved friends, you will never know the true power of evil. If you have known this moment, and I know that many of you have, you know precisely of what I speak. I know full well that this, too is a most important part of the journey. We all do. That is what has kept some folks from walking along with us. Even as the journey began, there were many who said "I cannot face that again!" Face what? This, that's what. We cannot all be Warriors. But some of us can be. I'm calling all Warriors now. Not for myself, but for a very special friend who has NEVER complained, or bickered, or failed me (or us) along this journey. Do not attempt to show this pathetic liar your strength, or your faith, or your willingness to do battle--in many cases again! It's useless, and completely pointless. Rather, show our friend your love. Use your faith, however you define it, for her, now. Please. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| Hello, Sports Fans! Welcome to our main event! Over the past two weeks, I have been considering the possibility of accepting a position offered to me by WDC's A-1 Academy CEO, Deborah Owen . I have happily been a student of the Academy since 11/06, and a faculty member since 04/07. I am teaching three courses, and developing a couple more which deal with writing, generally as well as Mystery Writing specifically. That has taken a lot of my time away from other endeavors <Looks longingly at the Blog Calendar>, but it has been a joyous endeavor. It continues to be so today. One of the greatest benefits I have recieved since beginning to teach at A-1 has been the meeting of the other faculty and staff. This is a group of very seriously dedicated WDC members who give of their time, talent, and treasure to help all our members. There is just a ton of talent bringing the joy of writing to new students every Academy day. As one may suspect, I have had a bit of a steep learning curve as I began teaching again. But, I feel as though I can postively contribute to a worthy cause, and that does wonders for my sometimes flagging self-image. When you are called upon this journey, self-image almost immediately becomes a nagging problem that usually only intensifies as you progress through the valley. I feel I have been given a huge Blessing in this endeavor. Dad's squarely in it, the opportunity to teach has been somewhat revitalizing, and I feel like I'm doing at least something constructive! It has not gone, from the teaching perspective, as I had originally hoped, but I am still in there swinging. There is a lot to learn about how, and why the Academy operates. Two weeks ago, a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with a very serious illness, specifically MS. She is not only a friend on this journey, but a compatriot in the classroom as well. She also happened to be the Administrator of A-1 Academy. You know her as cnoto. In a very short time, she was forced to withdraw as the Academy Administrator, cut back on all activities, and pay rather immediate and complete attention to an unwelcome disease. The Academy needed some help. The academy CEO, Deborah Owen came to me and we began some discussions which, after two weeks, have led to my accepting the postion as Administrator, A-1 Academy. I am concerned about many things, but at least some of my time will be doing something I have done for over 30 years, and got to be fairly good at. In fact, I was nominated and accepted into "Who's Who" twice because of how I did it. That's not self-serving; that's just what others said. Personally I think they're nuts, but I digress. So, yesterday was MY first Academy day. I am very much looking forward to bringing some skillsets out of mothballs, and contributing in a positive way to WDC, the Academy, and the staff and faculty. There is much to be done, but there are some really awesome people quite busily doing it. We need more! We need Prose and Poetry teachers, Content Providers for our Members' pages, and janitor....no, wait, I got that one! Remember the old shaver commercial that said "I liked it so well I bought the company!" ? Well, not quite, but I sure did jump with both feet. So far, it is great. Several friends along this journey are members of staff and/or faculty at A-1. Many more are active students! I just think that is so very cool! As a result of the decision I made, the consideration was that something had to give. The only thing I could "give" without unbearable loss was at least one of the classes. As a result, two beginning writing courses are in desperate need of a qualified, motivated, and dedicated teacher. Now listen!! How hard can it be? I did it! Send me an email, and let me know if you can help our 500 <whew!> students succeed. As I said today, and have been saying for a very long time: "It's NOT about me!" It IS about graduating successful students who become better writers. Prose and Poetry both need qualified, dedicated, and motivated Instructors. We also need Content Providers for our Members' Sections. It's sort of like the Peace Corps pitch: The pay is lousy, but the benefits last a lifetime! I hope you'll give me a shout, and tell me where you are ready to labor for the writers of tomorrow. I hope you will talk to Dad about me, and tell Him that his idiot kid has done went and did it again! Just don't be too surprised if Dad tells ya He already knows about it. I believe He sent me there. Boy, Howdy! In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
