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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let scarlett_o_h know that a Blogger sent ya! Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| One of the reasons, I believe, for my recent and yes, on-going maniacal tirade has to do with the fact that, thus far this month, I have completely missed the birth day celebrations of no less than NINE personal friends. The latest was today. Of course, I didn't KNOW it was today. I knew my friend's birthday was on August 16th, to be sure. The doctors (back when I had doctors) told me I should expect this. I still don't. I still don't know how to expect such things. I don't even know how to learn how to. Where does one go for that training? I just didn't know that was today. And so it goes. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| This is quite a rare evening for me. I have been on a slow boil all day long, for reasons I only partly suspect to know. WARNING: HUGE NUCLEAR MELT-DOWN RAGE--DIRECTLY AHEAD!! (You HAVE been warned!) Now, for virtually no apparent reason whatsoever, I am in a near rage. I have been hurt, and perhaps at least in part rightfully so. The retribution, however, was (I contend) unnecessarily extreme. I said as much to the party whom I felt offended me, in retaliation for the offense they say they felt. Okay, so be it. But, I am in, for various and sundry reasons I know, and several I cannot even begin to suspect, in a vile humor. I've been saving up just for such a fit as this, and I'll be hornswaggled if anyone or anything is going to deprive me of it. It's been a long time coming. I've very carefully invested many individual moments of "Deal with it later!" into this interest-free bank of deposit. I am, as a dear friend of mine has been known to say upon the usual occasion, "Fed UP!" Not much of an artist at timing, either, this boy. Nobody I know has the time to deal with such a moment as this, nor anyone so determined to fully thrill in the experience of it. I don't particularly care, however. Yes, it is absolutely correct for those who know me. I have been here only a very few times before in my life. And, yes it is further true that it usually takes me days, or months, to return to my naturally gregarious, ebullient, friend.....ughhhhhhhhh. Like someone coming by and innocently flipping a switch to a power source they could neither see nor control, in the matter of a moment a small thing overtook my existence. Floodgates opened, and ... well, here ya are. Oh, am I not supposed to say that here? Evidently, I'm a "very popular" member. You know, THAT was the phrase that did it. I did NOT come to this site to be "popular"! I had no goal to be "very popular!" I feel relatively certain that the single digit responses to this complete escape from reality will successfully counter-argue THAT notion. I came here to try to learn how to write. I came here, to this Blog, to be honest. And all this time, I did truly believe I had been. Silly me! I shoulda known! I'm so good I can even fool myself!! Okay, my friends. Before I create more damages with my mouth than my butt can cover, let me give you some really basic, free advice. Remember it. I won't probably be so benevolent the next time. I guess it's just 'cause of my newfound "popularity!" (we'll kill that real quick-like and in a hurry!). If you've got a problem with me, come to ME! First! Be specific, and tell me what your problem with ME is! Tell me the complete truth of it--I can take it, I promise. Don't leave all the good parts out to relay via your own blog later--replete with your decided choices of MY MOTIVATIONS! That's just not fair. Give me an opportunity to address the perceived problem--it most likely IS a problem of mine. I dare not deny that (although it will doubtless cause my "Popularity to take a terrible tumble! Gosh, Sgt. Carter!!) in the least. That way, it's a personal problem that you and I, together, can at least try to work out. And, if you do NOT choose this option...IT"S NOT MY PROBLEM!! Okay? Thank you very much. I have never been shown how to be "appropriately angry". To me, those seem to be oxymoronic terms. I just couldn't tell ya! Hain't gotta clue, Jethro. So, I stuff it. I compartmentalize it. As one Comedian is fond of saying, I "save up!" Suddenly, between one labored breath and the next, with absolutely no warning whatsoever--I'm gone! Total rage. I've NEVER experienced this moment so long as I have had this Blog. So, I've never had the opportunity to experience the causative, or contributory factors before. Yep, it is entirely over-the-top, response-wise. No problem understanding that one here. Unfortunately, the dark forces of evil which lurk deeply within me have declared this to be "my turn!". Take it up with them. Different union. Do you have any idea how insanely angry I am at this moment? Repression's Poster Child just showed up, and I am He. I am as Angry as Sally Field at the Cemetary in "Steel Magnolias" --at least. Many other possiblitlities come to mind, but I am probably the only one who would appreciate them. No, not because I'm a stuck up snob! Who gets to be "popular" that way? Because as you may have just noticed, I don't carry great references into the printed page with much alacrity. And, for those who feel compelled to ask, don't. Just look it up (LIU) and be done with it. The worst that can happen is you will learn one of those "arcane" words that hasn't seen the light of day in, oh, a week or two. What's wrong with correctly using a perfectly functioning word? Since when did THAT become a crime? Grrrrrrr. Yes, friend. This is me, having a fit, and falling wondrously back into it. They tell me this is good, this is constructive. It feels neither. It just feels ugly. And, lest ye be confused, dear friend, I could not possibly give less of a rip about being "popular", okay? All I wanted to do here was be honest. Evidently, that doesn't work, so we'll try a little bit of blunt. I can do blunt with the best of them. Here's an English lesson for today. Ready? "Cannot", and "Do Not" are NOT equal terms. Just because I don't does not mean, by any stretch, that I cannot. AND! A friend misunderstands something regarding me that I didn't even say--yet am being held accountable for, and my suffering is not merely extreme, but met with complete silence by the "offended" party. I have to presume my own condition, assign my own "guilt" and still wonder why the one time I do the one thing I would dare not do, I am repaid with--of all things, complete silence. Complete! Here is proof sufficient, Your Honor. He has quite obviously lost what little moment of mentation he may have had remaining. Take him away, boys. He'll be just soo much better off where WE can take care of him. God knows, he's sure as widget done a bang-up job of doing that himself. Okay, do I hit submit? Or just delete? Wait a second, now. I'm going to use my semi-metallic, binomial, randomized decision-maker. HEADS! In His Care (Yes, even now!), and Yours! Budroe |
| No sermons today, friends. I just wanted to update those who remain alongside on my journey. Today is the day SM/SMs are supposed to announce the winners of the July Short Shot Contest. I thought I would be offline long before now but, by faith and with the help of some pretty terrific friends, I remain linked up and linked in. I'm not precisely certain why it's important--I just know that it is. I am going to be crushed, you know...but, the truth is that Dad's words will bring Him the Glory! That's all I do truly want for anything I write here--or anywhere else. I am pre-determining for myself at the present moment. Before things go past irretrievable, I am trying to come to grips with some decisions about my own future. I have no tools to work with, and no means of providing my own support. (We've been here before. Thus, my dilemma.) Before the end of this month comes, I want to have a definite plan of action on these three fronts. I have 15 days in which to create and begin to implement said plan. It must be done in that time. I last received payroll in September, 2006. That has been an amazing journey. I want to work, but they tell me I can't. In the same breath, they tell me I'm not disabled, because anyone with my level of education can find work doing something, somewhere! So, I guess I've got the smartest destroyed lungs and Cancerous body parts in Indiana. I feel so damned proud. Of course, the Social Security Administration has clearly told me that they will not release the flag on my SSAN so long as an appeal is active (it is!), and any income to that ssan will result in an immediate fraud claim being filed against me, by them! But, I'm not disabled. I'm just being forceably restrained from earning income, because I have the temerity to appeal their decision that I'm just too educated not to be able to find a job doing something, somewhere. I guess payment under the table really IS the new American way! Now, we're going to talk about everything, through the Attorneys. I told them this and advised them that, if I was compelled to hire defense counsel, I was going to go for the throat. Well, now I am. We're going to ask some really rather pointed questions in the next few weeks and months. I would love to believe that someone in Baltimore is going to respond with "Oh, did I check THAT Box? Silly, me!" but I am not holding what breath I can muster to that moment. That I am being forced by a completely non-responsive medical system to engage a fleet of Attorneys is purely assinine, and entirely unnecessary. Read the records, you dolts. Why are you making me use my last available energy on THIS? So be it. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
At the request of some friends on the journey, I am inserting a link for Technorati, so my blog can be "tagged" for additional readers who wish to view the entries from their own blogs. Please do not adjust your horizontal hold... .As Speedy Gonzales says: "It won't hurt very long, did it?" <a href="http://technorati.com/claim/u7ywm8iqk3" rel="me">Technorati Profile</a> |
| How many words you type on the computer that are: 1. Original words that 2. Do NOT equal saleable results. However, this week has been filled with some very productive words. A few Blog entries have spruced up my attitude, making me feel as if I am at least communicating with my friends. I'm trying to make the rounds of my bloggin' buddys this weekend. That may happen (or not). I love reading the Blogs that are posted on the menu to the left. We do have some outrageously talented writers in our little corner of the WDC world, don't we? I miss finding out who is where, doing what, with (or to) whom. Am I nosey? No, not really. I just have this insane urge to remain connected. We are working as hard as we can to shift the ship called A-1 Writing Academy in a new direction. The amount of words created for that endeavor is startling. Besides that, we have a new Newsletter coming out September 1, 2007 (no matter what!), and some 20 pages of vital, informative, and just plain fun information will tell the tale. There is just a ton of work involved (as so many of you know) in creating a Newsletter. Imagine a 20-page Newsletter! And, we have some very talented reporters and Editors who are really pulling together a top-flight product, I believe. It's a beginning. I look forward to seeing where this beginning will take us. Hopefully, it will maintain itself with the cast assembled (and those yet to appear) and become a hit. With more than 800 subscribers BEFORE the first issue comes out, I think we already have an impetus to succeed. Nine new classes for our Fall term. Five already set to release for the Winter term, and twelve more in active development. Our friend vivacious   is getting run ragged with new logos, banners, and Graduation Certificates for the 568 students winding down the current term. And, it all comes to a dead stop on September 15th. We will have two glorious, chaotic, exasperating, wondrous weeks to completely re-formulate the Academy. I am projecting 1,000 students by the end of the Fall term! Woot! (I still don't know what that means, but I feel it.)Seven new staff and faculty members being trained for assisting or teaching positions, with 30 more to be filled. Every document being perused for accuracy, reflecting the transition. Hour upon hour of editing time. What was, only a few months ago, handled by one person now is taking three, with more to do! I have hired an Assistant, and am looking for a second. Deb and Char both have assistants hired to help them. The organization is coming along nicely. The teachers and staff were kind of sitting back a bit, and waiting on the "new kid" to either stumble or crawl. I guess I just did instinctively what I have been doing since diapers: I ran. I'm still running, and the staff and faculty are complaining about keeping up! LOL Ain't that great? Some "newbie jitters" have given way to a collected team of completely dedicated individuals who are sharing a common purpose, and a common standard. That's really kinda nice. It makes the entire process so much easier. And, so much more gets accomplished. What's the point? It feels kind of nice to be contributing, at least some small measure, to a good purpose. I feel like maybe I'm being at least a little bit productive, anyway. It helps keep my mind on things good, and off things bad. There are things I must do, and things I can do, and even some things that I get to do. And that just makes me feel alive! Ya know? In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| On this date (a Friday), 23 years ago (1984), I had the privilege of marrying a family. A dedicated single mom, wracked by decades of abusive treatment, was raising three teen-aged children who had, over the course of several years, become friends, students, and pals. I had just completed Law School, and had made the difficult decision to tell my Father that I just couldn't live his dream. I told him that my heart was 1,827.4 miles away, in Denver. I had to go home. He did not take the news well. I virtually walked away from a life, to another life. It is a decision I have never, even to this very day, regretted one bit. I got the very good end of that bargain, I assure you. For nine years now, we have been apart. There is not a single day of my life when I do not think of her, love her, hear her, or miss her. I have grandchildren that I have never met, and three step-children I have not heard from in those same nine years. I am proud of those kids. They survived some really terrible times, and gave me permission to marry their mother. Together, we struggled to do the right things, the right way, for the right reasons. Mostly, we did. They each grew their own way to become upright, moral, and upstanding adults. They make great friends, and loving parents. We did pretty well by them, in spite of us! I wish you could meet them. You'd really like them all. They are pretty wonderful people. They all took a huge gamble on me, and sometimes paid dearly for it. So did I. But, together, we raised a true family. They are secure, independent, proud, loving, and caring adults who contribute to their world. Their lives are better today than years ago. Dad watches over them each, and every one. They know Him, too. Yep, somehow, we did okay. I'm very grateful for that. Happy Anniversary, Lil One. I love you. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| Well, today has been fraught with frustration, I tells ya. Like Dr. Blair, I really just lose it when things do not work as they are supposed to work. Today, it has been a cat-and-mouse game with my internet connection. I would like to believe that this repressive heat has some part to play in this entirely nefarious attack upon my peaceability. But, it seems to be inside my computer this time, which just make the entire problem just that much more vexing. Every time I close IE 7, I have to re-load it onto my computer! It took several hours worth of de-bugging to discover this single remedy. I do not know from whence it cometh, but I distinctly detect Murphy's presence herein. Scarlett, Nada, Dave, and Dan have all had visits from this interloper. Now, it would appear, it is my turn. I have had to download a couple of programs within the past two days. One of them, I cannot mention. If I do, my hardware guy/friend is gonna cause severe and acute pain to my backside! Let us simply acknowledge his utter distaste for anything having to do with one particular ISP, which begins with "A" and ends with "L". If I were a less trusting soul, I would swear he installed a "sniffer" to extinguish any presence of the offending program. It worked for me--exactly one time! Since then, na. I removed said program, re-installed IE, and here I am. I hate it when computers get grumpy. That is MY domain! I hope you have had a quiet day. The leg is still the same, and I now have a headache as large as Montana. I am becoming more concerned that the prescribed anti-biotics are not working. We will see later this week what the wunderkind at the Hospital have to offer. Probably not much. At least, that was the impression I got last time. *sigh*. I did recieve quite the surprising gift today, from another WDC friend. It was a wonderful donation to my GP account. I continue to be thunderstruck at the kindness of my fellow writers here. Thank you! I did something today that I have not done in years: I read an entire novel completely through from beginning to end. At first I considered it merely mind fodder to occupy my mind, so I would not realize I was laying down to keep my stupid leg up. But, it got me interested. Maybe that's where part of the headache comes from! 400 pages of reading (after a few years off!) can do that! But it was "The Beast Within" by Jane Jensen. It is a title in the Gabriel Knight series, and a very good read. I was pleased to be able to simply read without checking out the page setup, margins, and how the paragraphs of dialogue were printed. I did notice, however, several pages of mis-aligned type (non-sequential), and was a bit provoked that Penguin's ROC Imprint would allow such obvious set-up errors through to a final product. That did cause me pause, as it was so painfully obvious. It was also at a pivotal point in the plot, which further distracted my already-distracted mind. Regardless, it was an entertaining and fun read in a genre I very seldom visit. The plot revolves around werewolves, you see. I hope I can get some restful sleep tonight! In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| This post is probably not going to make sense to very many of you. That's okay. But, for some of you, it may make a lot of sense. I hope so. That will be okay, too. Kevin Bacon, several years ago, was the unwilling "brunt" of a joke going around Hollywood's film elite. He was a hot, rising star that everyone wanted to be somehow seem as being "connected" to. From boardrooms to bedrooms all over the area, people were suddenly finding themselves contending for position in this man's world. The "closer" your connection to this hottest of Hollywood properties was, the more "value" you had in the industry--especially among industry insiders. For those in Bacon's immediate world, who knew him personally (or intimately), who needed no other person to intervene between "them and him", it was said that there was only one degree of seperation. If, on the other hand, your Agent was also Kevin Bacon's Agent, and you could get access to him via your Agent, you were said to have two degrees of seperation to Kevin Bacon. (You, your Aganet, Kevin Bacon) The game began as a slam against Keven Bacon, by those who were envious, jealous, or just plain stupid-nuts mad AT Kevin Bacon. Over the course of a summer in California, the game quietly progressed through the halls of the movie industry. What began as a vindictive retaliation for un alleged (later proven to be false) "wrong", took on a life of its own. Hipster bars were posting billboards and signs on their walls, inviting people to determine (and list) their connection to the actor, who was strangely silent on the entire subject. While the "wanna be's" and the "nearly made it"s were slamming the success of this talented actor with their vindictive vitriol on the streets of Los Angeles (and soon around the world), Captains of Industry were quietly attempting to increase their access. In the meantime, the entire acting world seemed to be talking about--Kevin Bacon! Meanwhile, it seemed virtually impossible to get any further away from Kevin Bacon than six degrees of seperation! Total strangers, from thousands of miles away, could create a six degree seperation relationship with the film star. (It was reported that even dead people, who had expired hundreds of years previous, could show a six degree relationship). Thus, the name of the game became "The Six Degrees of Seperation". To his immense credit, Bacon's first (and only known) reply at the time came several months after the hoopla began. "Well, I guess I own the world then, don't I?" Classic. Years later, Bacon would begin a truly amazing organization based upon this viscious game. His entire thesis was that we ARE all connected, and when one of us suffers, we all (should) feel it. Everybody knew of the game, but how was this supposed to turn into something good? The company Bacon and a few friends started is, in fact called "Network for Good", and their major program is called "The Six Degrees of Seperation". Because of this program, I have one degree of seperation to Kevin Bacon. The website is called sixdegrees.org. At that website, you can create an opportunity to share with the world your charities of choice. Over 1 million charities have endorsed this program--how's that for influence? What began as a mean joke against one of the most talented actors in the business has been turned into a life-changing reality for millions of people, from those suffering from diseases such as Multiple Sclerosis, Cancer, and Aids to The Boys and Girls Clubs International. Yes, it's about money. But it is about your money, donated to worthy causes in a safe way that directly impact the lives of those others of us who (directly or indirectly, by degrees of seperation), receive benefit. We ARE those others of us who are never more than six degrees of seperation away. And, that's pretty amazing. My charity badge is listed at the top of this Blog, and on my page of Thanks and Thanksgiving. I hope you will check it out, and perhaps even donate to one of MY chosen charities. But, I hope even more that you will visit sixdegrees.org and create your own badge. Why? Because you can. Because there are people out there, not so far away, whose very existence may well depend upon your willingness to help, just a little (or a lot) in a very meaningful way today. I called a friend because I need help. My friend lives in California. Thousands of miles seperate us physically, but only a moment on the phone is required to connect us together in the continuing saga (and yes, it IS a saga!) that is our friendship. My friend called his Dad, who lives thousands of miles away, but only a couple hours' drive from me. My friend's Dad knocked on my door yesterday. He sat and listened for hours as I honestly and rather bluntly went through my present difficulties. His name is Charles. Charles is a friend of mine, too. His entire family pretty much "adopted" me many years ago. Charles is also a rather talented Cardiac Nurse RN, so we have much in common on that front as well. Going through the nefarious web of things medical is not easy among medical professionals, much less when one of them must begin the conversation wearing the tag of "Patient". But, Charles came to me FOR a friend--AS a friend. Several hours later, Charles had a more complete understanding of my situation, and reported it to his son, my friend, in a way they both could understand and accept. While none of us much cares for some of the realities that current conditions present, we each in our own way found, through his time with me, some understanding. Acceptance is optional, but understanding is paramount. He listened. He asked important questions. He offered opinions. He understood. He also spent several hours, a lot of gasoline, and several hundred of his hard-earned dollars doing what he could to help. We had a meal together, and he survived one man's insane grocery-shopping spree, racking up a checkout bill that surprised us both. We had agreed upon an amount before we went into the store. I busted it horribly. I told the checkout girl to hold it at the agreed-upon amount. Charles said "No, go ahead. It's okay." Blessing piled on top of blessing. Are all my needs met? Absolutely not. Am I more capable of providing for my own needs today than I was yesterday? Absolutely not. Am I still extremely concerned about the immediate short-term future? Absolutely. Is the situation just as life-threatening today as it was yesterday? Absolutely. Am I as concerned over my list today as I was yesterday? Absolutely. So, what you may ask is the difference? And what is the lesson? Well, that's an interesting point. As I write this, I'm eating cereal. I couldn't do that yesterday. I'm posting this on my Blog at WDC. Yesterday, I was mere moments away from losing access to my Blog at WDC. Today, my phone is working, and I have Internet access for a bit longer. I have groceries in my little house to eat for a while. (Well, okay. With careful planning, a longer while!) I now know that I have a "back door" (thanks to yet another, different friend) that may allow me to have access to this Blog even if my ISP does go down for a while. I'm still very much IN survival mode. The medical issues mount. The legal issues multiply. I still have to deal with some important financial situations and critical life issues. I still have to remember sometimes to breathe, and I still have Cancer. Charles didn't come to solve all my problems. Charles came to do what he could. When he left, he had done perhaps even more than he should have done. He certainly did more than I could have possibly hoped. He did it for his Son, and for his friend. He did it with style, class, and grace. He brought Dad to me when I couldn't get to Dad. I am a writer--of words. My friend in California has never cared much for the written word, or for reading them. He doesn't particularly care for those who write words, when a phone call would (in his mind) be better. He feels that the written word is an obstacle to human relationships--a very important part of his life. In many ways, I agree with my friend. When Charles left my little house last night, to return to his home hundreds of miles away, I'm not really sure what he thought, or how he felt. I know what I hope he felt. I hope he felt gratitude from a friend in need. I hope he felt like his "mission" had been successful. I hope he felt good, and whole, and worthy. I hope he felt Dad. My friend says he does not read my Blog because, if I have anything important to say, I'll say to him over the phone. Sometimes, I can. Sometimes, however, I cannot. I am a writer. We all have things to be forgiven. I reached out in need to a friend. He reached out to me through a mutual friend. Today my need is not as great as it was yesterday. I'm able to tell you that, while eating cereal. I still have a list. It is a bit shorter today than it was yesterday. Important issues were addressed, even if not resolved. My stress is less today because of the gifts of friends yesterday. Will that truth change the world? I seriously doubt it. Will it change my world? Today? Yes, it will. Is that enough? Yes, it is. Because, you see, we really are not seperated at all; we are connected--all of us. One to the other, we share a planet, lives, and needs. Some we can help, some we can't touch. But when we do what we can, Dad is certainly sure to do what we cannot do. And, where degrees of seperation matter, being one degree seperated from Dad is just about as good as it gets. When He reaches out, it's not a long trip, no matter how many hundreds of miles you drive. Thank you Charles. And to my friend in California, who doesn't read my Blog: I do hope you read this one. Thank you. I love you, too. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| I was looking at who is online a few moments ago. I was gruntled (at first) to discover that I am not. (It becomes important later.) Reading authors' billboards is a fascination for me. They can tell us so much about those writers we only interact with tangentially on this site. Some are very funny, and display a friendly greeting. Some highlight a Rising Star (a great program!), or their latest contest, work or even conquest on WDC. At the bottom of the list, my attention was got by the statistic that 320 members are currently online. I am a member, yet I am not showing as being online. Therefore, the numbers become suspect. I remember why I chose this option, and am still of the belief that it is a good one for me. My retiscence to display my presence is not about some innate, hermitous (new word? Did I just make a whole new word? Ewe!) desire on my part. I spend entirely too much time on this site as it is. I am doing things that require singular focus. It's like being in a study carrol at the Library. Simply being there should indicate to others that you have some particular reason and desire. Even friends can crash a good study session from time to time. As much as I dearly love my friends here on WDC, there are times when the one thing I need most is seclusion. It is often impossible to avoid interruptions from well meaning IM'rs, for instance. And not the WDC variety, either. When someone IMs you, it is just nearly impossible NOT to respond, I find. And, suddenly that most important project, and the stream of thinking that went with it, is far away. Far, far away. When I am done, I "appear", and love the interaction of my friends, colleagues, and family members. But I hate being pulled forcibly away from that task that is only moments from being complete for social reparte, only to need hours to return to complete the task. So, about the numbers. I can even accept the general nature of showing 320 members online at any given moment. It is an important metric for SM/SMs to know for the business purposes. It cannot be accurate in every detail, for the very reason I have just given. But, it can represent (within some acceptable percentage) the on-going bandwidth requirements, for instance, of the servers which make our WDC community a possibility. So, let's say that is a "fair" representation. I love looking at the newest members, as well. Registered authors are friends I haven't made yet (for the most part) and I enjoy checking out their first offerings in their ports. It's a habit I developed early on as a new WDC member. I look to see who is a new P/A, or mod. That is, for me at least, the fastest way to know who has "changed color" recently. Do such statistics have merit in the greater scheme of things? Probably not. One color does not, in or of itself, indicate a higher useage requirement, for instance. It is informational, and that's just about it. The statistic which got me, however, was the one that showed some 1,427 visitors online. Okay. Why? That may not be a huge number in terms of unique site hits for a given day. But, for a moment? Did someone just announce the winner of the WDC Lotto? It has, perhaps, been entirely too long since I was NOT a member. I cannot recall how I came here in the first place. I was, once, a visitor. I just happened to stay. Perhaps there is a publisher convention going on somewhere, and these folks are in dire need of well-written words. Perhaps it is my query list come together all at once to finally figure out a way to shut me up! Could it be an Editor in search of that "special" article they need to fill out page 3? Or, maybe it is the Dean of the Podunk School of Journalism and Defensive Driving, looking for talent to place inside their classroom. Lord knows we surely do submit enough pieces to outside resources. Perhaps they are finding interest from the next great publisher. Does the Editor of "Yak Weekly" drop by on fishing excursions on a regular basis, just so the new writing can be reviewed? Could it be a student, looking for a useful reference? A mother helping her eight-year-old son prepare his first essay for The American Legion contest? Or, maybe a Boy Scout is searching for the perfect subject to fill out that "Writing" or "Journalism" Merit Badge. Bloggers could be scouring the site for articles of information to reference via PermaLink to their next successful entry. The point is that it could be (and probably is) all of these things. What we do here tends to get obfuscated by our contention that what happens here stays here. It doesn't. I have a few hundred friends that read this very blog regularly who are NOT members. They do not leave comments on the Blog. They email me regularly with their comments and responses. (Sometimes, I even like them!) At a given moment, approximately 1,427 strangers were traipsing up and down the world we call WDC. Some of them will stay. Most of them will not. But, a moment later, there may be 4,000 strangers all combining for a frontal assault on our writing world. Do we make them welcome? Do we give them sufficient purpose that they join our community? Do we remember them, weeks later? Do we consistently honor their presence here, even when the "new" has grown tarnished? Do we keep, regardless of our case color, an acute awareness that every potential member is a member who just hasn't signed up yet? Do we treat our members in such a way that they never regret their purposeful decision to become a part of our writing life--many by paying for the privilege? Many times, we do not. Every time, we should. When we forget, one of those visitors may be a hurt person who felt unwanted, or neglected, or abused by our very community itself. Remember that we are a community of writers. Abused, neglected, and dis-fellowshipped members are writers, too. We all take the message that means the most to us out into the rest of the world. It is in all of our very best interest to make sure that the message sent is one which accurately reflects every part of WDC life--for us all. Otherwise, we have way too many visitors, and not nearly enough members carrying on the work here. And, I just wanted to tell you. That's a statistic I do not like, at all. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
| I am not certain what to expect, or believe. It has been a very quiet, slow Friday around Chateau de Budroe. There has been no discernible improvement in either the leg, or my complete inability to function under the drugs. I'm told that is a main reason for the pain meds--to force me into bed. It's working! Time is the part that must be given. Of course, that is the challenge. Today is a quiet day of living in "cruise" mode. Some might call it "Survival" mode, but I think of it as being a bit more usual than all the drama that other tag implies. Nothing has particularly gotten better, and the short-term future does look difficult. But, nothing has gotten particularly worse, either. Just for today, things are just in "cruise" mode. That's not a happy kind of tag, just one that implies self-sufficient forward motion. I did, of course, sleep through an alarm this afternoon. The only victim was my dinner, unwittingly overcooked by some 45 minutes. It looked rather fragile, and wounded when I catapulted myself out of bed, rushing to deliver the Chicken from the abusive heat too-long applied. But, it was Chicken, and being over-baked is not nearly so catastrophic as being, for instance, over-fried. Perspective is important, don't you think? I hope you have a quiet day in "cruise" mode, too. There are things much worse. In His Care, and Yours! Budroe |
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