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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let scarlett_o_h know that a Blogger sent ya! Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I didn't do much to report on today. That is, in itself, something to report. (Funny how that happens!) I did have the opportunity to visit (and have dinner with) Tom this evening. He is still undergoing tests, and will be having several next week. His Doctor still wants to figure out what went on with him. I am happy to report that, since his last visit to the Hospital, he has had no further occurrances, nor (evidently) symptoms. While that is surely good news, it is a bit frustrating. Surely you can relate to his predicament. It's very much like that strange noise your car engine makes for weeks--right up until you pull it into the service bay at the dealership. Same deal, with the same frustrations. His MIL had her Thyroid removed this week. Cancerous lesions appeared, and her Doctor removed it, put a band-aid on her neck, and sent her home. She is recouping at home, and doing well. She is tired, sore, and sleepy. That is precisely as it should be. She will be up and around quickly. In fact, she is talking of going to the area Easter Egg Hunt with her Grandchildren tomorrow. Good luck with that! I believe there will be numerous kiddie-cicles on that adventure. I don't know what's with the weather today. I was answering a knock at my door today (kids "selling" magazine subs--sorry, Kids) and noticed it was, umm, quieting!! *Rolls eyes* This is gettin' a bit crazy. The weather forecast says it will be 18 degrees colder on Easter than it was on, umm...Christmas! Okay, That's Just WRONG!! Yeah, I know. I said it before. But that doesn't mean it isn't just as wrong now as it was the last time I said it. Where does a body go to file a lawsuit against that evil witch, Mother Nature?? That's been pretty much my day. You're entirely welcome, David. It was my pleasure to find something worthy. Thank YOU for that. Till tomorrow, then. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
| For many years, this day represents what has always been, for me, the beginning of my busiest time at work. That is no longer the case--at least at the present time. I dare not limit the Boss. In the tradition of those who identify themselves as Christ-followers, today is the Middle of Holy Week in the traditional Christian Calendar: Maundy Thursday. It is also known as "Holy Thursday", or "Great Thursday" for those of you who celebrate the Eastern or Orthodox tradition. Just as a way of some basic background, one of the first questions which inquiring minds want to know is: Why is it called "Maundy" Thursday? Great question! A bit of background helps to understand the answer, so: This is the traditional celebration of the Last Supper of Christ. From this point forward, Christ would not eat, or drink with his followers until we are joined with Him in Heaven. In many traditions, this "Last" Supper is celebrated regularly by what is referred to as "Communion", or "Holy Communion". This sacred Ordinance of the Church reminds us of that first "Last Supper", in the Upper Room. This was the biblical event where Jesus, knowing of his impending punishment, death, and resurrection, would struggle with His Disciples. He had much to tell them, and very little time to be with them. He was struggling with his future. He was struggling with their sin. He was struggling to tell them all he could before the events which would soon transpire. With the little time He had remaining, Christ had to make his Disciples "survivable" for the future. As parents, we struggle to inculcate our children with those things that will make them survivable, don't we? We know that we have them for only a moment. In that moment, we must plant all the seeds of their living which will make it possible for them to learn, grow, and BE the people we want them to be. They do not belong to us, after all. We are only stewards of their care for a time. So it was with Jesus, too. After the years of His ministry, Christ knew that the time was growing very short until He would be with them no longer. So, He boiled down the final lessons into only a few statements. It was during this "Last Supper" that these lessons were given. Peter learned the lesson of servanthood. Judas learned the lesson of betrayal. One by one, the Apostles of Christ were being given their moment of definition, which would follow them from that moment to this. The Disciples of Christ were hearing things that their brains could not accept; things their hearts could not endure. In their shock, and in their sadness, it was a most difficult time to be "in school" with The Master. In His attempt to get it all said in the time He had to be with them, Christ said, at one point in their meeting: "Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos" ("A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you"), "Mandatum novum" means "New Commandment". Mandatum in Latin was translated "Mande" in French, and "Maunde" in Middle English, where the words first appeared in the English translations of the Bible. It has followed our tradition as Christ followers to this day. There are many things which I have said about this most sacred day, in my years. This is, for me, a very personal celebration that really makes the coming days not only real, but possible to survive. For those of you who are, as I am, followers of Christ, these days become quite difficult. I am deeply affected by them each year. I suspect that this year will be different only in that I will be more affected by them than normal. So far, at least, that is the case. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** How do you get it all said, knowing that you have so little time? As a Cancer patient, this question takes on an urgency for us all. I want you to share with me, just for a moment, the reality of the question. I know it is difficult, my friends. It is very difficult. I would say to you that it is doubly difficult for those of us who are called upon this journey, because it is one of those few things that do truly, really matter on this journey. We hope for years, pray for months, fight for days, and struggle for moments. There is no doubt of that. What parent does not struggle against the impossible to get that one final instruction to their children? What friend does not fight against the reality before them, just for one more breath from their friend? What child does not linger beyond the fatigue, and desperation of just such a moment for one more word from a parent? How much would I give, just for one more meal with my beloved Mother who last broke bread with me in 1971? Is there a price I would not pay upon this Earth to spend one more day with my Aunt Jena, just to see her face, or hear her voice, or feel her unconditional love for me? What can I say to her as she struggles in these most difficult days of her life? How can I bring goodness, or peace to her, or her beloved children who, in the mere reading of these words will feel things that no human should ever be forced to feel? What shall I say to you, who are with me on this most amazing journey that will calm your fears? How can I express to you my gratitude in such a way that you will not be lost in the myriad of emotions such a writing as this must necessarily create? How can I face the realities of my current existence at such a time as this without feeling the tremendous shockwaves of anger, and fear, and hopelessness that Cancer creates, just by its very name? Tell me! I will do it! If these words have given you feelings of sadness, or of fear, or of confusion, or of anger... Then, I really do believe we are, together, almost prepared to join those followers of Christ who sat in that Upper Room. Their King, their Messiah, was telling them that shortly he would die. This is NOT how it was supposed to be! One Disciple declares his unfailing love for his Master, only to be told that before the morning sun arose that very servant would DENY his Master--three times! A disciple shudders at the notion of his Master washing HIS feet, because he is unworthy. The Master tells him that if he does not allow it, the Disciple will not be in Heaven with his King. What is this, then? The crowds, shouting "Hosanna, in the Highest!" have rung the Disciples' ears! The triumphant return to Jerusalem was supposed to signal the beginning of the Kingdom of God! Why was Jesus speaking of His death? How could it be? There's confusion for you. The fear is palpable. The confusion is over the room like a blanket of fog. Judas, who knows what he must do, is so taken by the scene that he cannot, must not remain. How can Jesus KNOW what is about to transpire? How can this be? Do you feel it? Not exactly your casual, triumphal dining experience, is it? Things actually get worse, in the hours and days to come. Jesus knew this, and was trying desperately to say those things His Disciples must know and understand in order to survive the upcoming events. Parents, friends, children, and those called beloved upon this journey know well how Jesus felt on that first "Maundy Thursday". But, His time had come, and now was when He must fulfill His life, and our salvation. There was no time for pleasantries. There was only the "Tyranny of the Urgent" in that room. On this journey, my friend, there are many days filled with moments just such as this. I know it, and so do you. How do you make them survivable? What can you say? What can you do? How can you possibly hope to make better that which you wish only to avoid? Jesus told His Disciples, and He tells us. The one thing that makes these difficult days survivable, for us all, is "Mandatum novum". I love you! It is personal. It is explicit. It is brief. It is complete. It is enough. Jesus tells us that, of all the things we can say or do, there is one thing that will make any moment, any difficulty, or any tragedy survivable. Love. But, it cannot be cheap love, or superficial love. That will just not serve the purpose here. Not now, and certainly not here. The love Jesus speaks of is given to us directly within His words. "As I have loved You!" His Disciples, having been with Jesus for three years STILL do not understand just what that means. Sometimes, we cannot understand just how much someone else loves us, either. Stuff gets in the way. You know the stuff I mean. How do we get to the kind of love Jesus means? Intent. In that Upper Room, you can have no doubt about Jesus' intent. Every moment of His earthly life had been in preparation for the moments yet to come. Yet, the moment was upon Him. He was IN the moment. His Disciples had no idea of this truth. But Jesus knew it. He had to do something to get His followers then, and even now, into that moment as well. That was the "Tyranny of the Urgent" for Jesus then, and for us today. Intent. You have to want to get to it more than anything else in the world. Beyond any disagreement, or any hurt feelings, or remorse, or anymosity, or grudge, or failure, or disappointment, or sadness, or anger, you must somehow drill down until you find the love that Jesus has for you--and for me. And, when you find it, you have to give it away. That's what Maundy Thursday is all about. Finding within yourself the very love that Christ has, right now, for you, and giving it as though it were your very last breath, to someone else. Have you ever had your feet washed? I have. You just can't say much at a time like that. It doesn't take very long before you realize that, somehow, you are in a very Holy moment. A lot can happen to a person when they are getting their feet washed. One of the most amazing things that can happen, and very often does if I were to be completely honest about it, is that you suddenly find yourself being the recipient of a kind of love that humans just do not often experience. It is a very unique moment, I assure you. I would go so far as to say it is a life-changing moment! I know this personally. But, there is a moment that is even more profound than that moment. In those moments when your feet are being washed, you are experiencing within yourself feelings that you may never have before experienced. The kind of love you are feeling may well be a depth and breadth of love that you have just never known. Have you ever washed the feet of another, in silence? When someone washes your feet, you return to them the favor. It's a rule. As difficult as it is for me to imagine Christ washing my feet, it is nigh impossible to imagine that I would wash His. Yet, that is the example He gives His Disciples, His Apostles, His followers in the Upper Room. When you have had your feet washed in the love of Christ, friend, you cannot help yourself. You simply MUST return the favor. It is as Holy an experience as any human will ever live through. Washing the feet of someone in this moment makes it completely impossible to hold inside yourself the love you have felt from them. The need to return that love just overwhelms you. It is a uniquely personal experience, yet it is a completely shared experience. Why? Because, in that time in the Upper Room, when time was so very short, Jesus had only moments to make his followers survivable. He is still making us survivable today. Even here, in the Valley. Even now. "Love one another, even as I have loved you." The confusion dissipates, and the fear removes itself. The anger evaporates, and the sadness flees. You are in the middle of the very love of Christ Himself. And THAT the followers of Christ understood then, and they understand it now. They got it. I get it. I hope you get it, too. To those who read these words, and feel those incredible feelings of the Tyranny of the Urgent: I can only say one thing that will make the moment matter. I say it from the depths of my soul, to the center of your heart. I love you. Thank you for being a person in my world that, no matter what, those are the only words I want to matter. I love you. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
| Could We Have Just A LITTLE Honesty, President Bush? Peanut farmer subsidies and California Spinach farmer subsidies seem to be the point of President Bush’s disgruntled state these days with the Emergency Authorization Spending Bill currently being readied by both houses of Congress. According to everyone from the President to the White House janitor, the President may well find that most elusive of tools, the veto pen. Much ado has been made, I believe about these particular spending requests in particular. According to our leader, the money must be drained from the Treasury and sent to our troop commanders in Iraq, or the troops will starve, freeze (or burn, depending on the weather), and generally fall apart. I really do hope that nobody believes that these two examples (among many I could list) are the “pork” the President is using as his reason for rejecting the Spending Authorization. There are two points I would like to make about this. Because so much seems to be hanging in the balance, it seems appropriate to at least point them out. The first point I would like to make is that the money the President so vehemently declares is necessary for the troops to continue their mission IS in the Spending Bill. It is entirely true that certain conditions have been placed within the authorization itself. Thus, it would seem that it is not the money, nor the “pork” which has the President fuming. The conditions seem to be what has him all atwitter. Conditions certainly are not foreign to this President. Every single Bill he has signed in the past several years have been signed only after conditions were imposed upon them—by HIM! Signing Statements have, for the entirety of his Presidency, ruled over the legislation they have been attached to. According to this President, the Signing Statements do not hold a subservient position to the Bi-Camerally-created Legislation he is signing. The Signing Statement is not even equal to the Legislation. No, according to this President, the Signing Statement (his personal reflection on his obligation to submit to the limits within the Legislation) rise to a level which is actually ABOVE the the legal obligations incurred by the Legislation he signs. And, Lord only knows, this President has signed his share of legislation. Countless times, he has not only said so, but acted so as to defend himself when questionable activities arise by the USE of his Signing Statements. When his actions are in direct opposition to the Legislation he himself signed, he has trotted out the "Signing Statement" as not only justification, but legal precedent! Secondly, conditions must be problematic for this President only when they are not of his making, it would seem. Far be it from the American People to expect their leader to not merely listen to, but act in accordance with their will on a matter. That it is the will of the American People that our military forces be removed from Iraq is far from being vapid, or transparent—at least to this observer. Our elected Representatives have even, under numerous separate documents, specifically indicated their desire to acknowledge the will of those they represent. This Emergency Spending Authorization, which by the way (for the uninformed) lies outside the budgeted amount appropriated for the Iraq War (as have all Emergency Spending Authorizations since the beginning of the War), is not reflected in the Budgetary Reports—at all! The President says he is ready, willing, and able to veto this Bill because of (at least according to him) two reasons: 1. He will not accept limitations, or interference in his prosecution of the War on Terror, and 2. He will not accept the additional items of “pork” included within the Emergency Spending Authorization. Let’s look at the Bill a moment, shall we? I mean, we do deserve to have a “clean screen” here. It is American dollars, provided via taxation of the American People, that will fund this Emergency Spending Authorization, after all. This IS still, like it or not, Mr. President, a representative democratic Republic the last time I checked. So please hold back on the funding request for the Crown, Sceptre and Orb if you don't mind--for just a moment. Fact #1 The Emergency Spending Authorization Bill in question was actually created, sponsored, and authored by Republicans. I’m sorry to have to inform you of this, Sir. The only input to the Bill provided by the party opposite were the "pull-out" language, the timeline limitations on troop involvement. They are not “drop dead” dates, either. So, I really wish, Sir, you would get at least that part of your vituperation correct. This would cause me, as a rational thinking man, to wonder where all this “pork” came from. Well, what is the “pork” in question? There is approximately $3.4 Billion in agricultural assistance funding in this bill. The Agriculture Committees of the House and the Senate, Mr. President, had inserted this language into the Emergency Spending Authorization DRAFT before the November elections, Sir. I believe it was something to do with the extreme displeasure those farm-belt voters were feeling at the time, with an election coming up. Your folks, Mr. President, are the ones that wanted to respond to the agriculture-belt farmers who were in the midst of the worst e.coli scare in our country’s history which, incidentally, destroyed many farmers’ crops—by order of YOUR Secretary of Agriculture. Cutting those funds now would surely serve some multiplicity of good service, wouldn't they? You could cry "pork", then exclaim your anger and sadness to those very same voters for the mean Democrats killing their help. But, surely this is not political! It's about our troops, isn't it Mr. President? Fact #2 Non-Combat funding requests, Mr. President, have attended each and every single Authorization Request since this War was begun, Sir. One need only go back one year to find: $70 Million in aid/assistance for Ukraine and other Soviet States. (Approved and signed, by YOU, Sir.) $12.3 Million for the Architect of the Capitol. Were these to enhance or increase the national capitol's security? No, Mr. President. The money was provided to build an off-site delivery facility for the Capitol Police. $24 Million for the Forest Service to repair Flood and landslide damage (Not in Iraq, Mr. President). And, who can forget the $104 Million for watershed protection, Sir. Was this for New Orleans, Mr. President? No Sir, it was not. It was for, of all places, Washington County,Utah-- at the specific request of that State’s 2 Republican Senators. The $120 Million requested for the Gulf’s fishing industry, as a small attempt to at least begin repairing their hatcheries and fisheries, following Katrina this year, which you so valiantly parade before us in your derision, Mr. President, is representing the largest single line item expenditure to the victims of Hurricane Katrina since the event. I can certainly understand your derision at this request. That money would go to the funds of a State encumbered with a Democratic Governor, after all. We have all heard, on numerous occasions, your feelings about that particular Governor. Who in their right minds would dare trust a Democrat with those kinds of funds? Dare we not forget the $594 Million YOUR Senators built into the 2005 Emergency Spending Authorization Request, Sir? You remember, that was for Highway construction projects—none of which touched one foot of land affected by Hurricane Katrina! I know you wouldn’t have a problem signing that one, Sir. Of course, I suppose we would be compelled to let the money in that same Emergency Spending Authorization which went to the repair of the Mississippi Veteran’s Retirement Home through--without so much as a glance at it’s sponsor—Senator Lott, Sir. When you told the Senator you looked forward to sitting with him on his repaired front porch after Hurricane Katrina, I had NO idea.... But, in all fairness, Mr. President? Can you tell me, Sir? Exactly what was it that required $176 Million in those repairs? You didn’t blink an eye at that one. I must be the one with the fiscal responsibility misunderstanding here. I won’t even quibble with you, Sir, over the $1 Billion the Emergency Spending Authorization Bill gave to community block grant programs. See? I can be reasonable, Mr. President. And, I know that those same Agriculture Committees really appreciated you seeing their emergency needs, and signing that same bill which funneled $500 Million—somewhere; at least the line item you approved said it was for Agricultural Relief. I’m not even sure what that is. Do we have stressed Turnips somewhere in our land? So, while it is true Democratic lawmakers worked diligently to carve out less than 3% of this bill that created pull-out language that represented the vested interests and specific will of the American People by a greater than 70% margin, Mr. President, please at least be genuine enough in your rancor to identify what it is that is really biting your butt. Methinks it just may be that your crown is a little tight, Sir. We know for a fact it isn’t agricultural subsidies. Don’t we? Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of this. It was just a vile, unpatriotic outburst from another "cut and run", "un-christian" Democrat who has no concern whatsoever for our troops, our security, or our morale standing in the world. I just couldn't help myself. And, frankly, I'm gettin' purty durned tired of hearin' it. If this keeps up, I'm gonna haveta shed my genteel spirit, and remember that I am not only one of Dad's kids, but also the son of a Democratic Senator, a former Legislator, a decorated Army Veteran, and a lifetime Democrat. What will Dad think of me then? Oh, the pain.... In His Care, and Yours, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| This week is starting to stack up with firsts for me! The good news is that they have all been great! I got to judge a contest. I've got some fodder for writing for a while! I am thinking about writing a couple of articles about contests, from a judge's pov. I don't know if that's been done before, but I know I didn't find any when I was looking for some input before. We'll see about that. I'd better finish the process, first. I still may have (depending on contestant responses to my requests) two entries to judge--or not. I also have to present my rankings to the contest host. Then--Done! In my mail today, I got a very special first. I got my first EVER gifted siggy! It was gifted to me by one of our most special friends on this journey, Startiara  and was especially created JUST FOR ME <Whew! Ain't that somethin' now!> by thesonrises Here it is: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Thank you so much for my gift! Of course, it will go onto my Page of Thanks, and Thanksgiving today, and will have a place on this Blog, as well. (I must admit, I'm kinda getting nervous about that whole "25 image limit" thing. I may have to consider rotating images. Now I ask you: Is that a great problem to have, er whut? I got Bummy Raddits. I got Angle guys all over the place--and who can't always use more Angle guys, huh? It's gettin' busy up around here, I tellya! Today, I will start making the rounds of some Blogs. I'm just way so far behind on that. But, I'm still keeping to the twice a week schedule (pretty much). There are just so many to want to read, and comment on! As has been noted here in Blogville, we are getting some pretty amazing new Bloggers to add to the stable of already sterling writers who keep us entertained and informed. That's a good thing, I believe. Thank you, too, to the new friends on the journey. In the past couple of weeks, several of you have invited others to come along on the journey. I do so appreciate that. It's kind of funny how that works, actually. I don't know if I'm gaining too much weight,or just needing lifted up more each day and you guys are conscripting recruits! But, there just always seems to be enough help to do the heavy work--right on time. In His Care, and Yours, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** PS: Man, that siggy really jumps out on a yellow page, doesn't it?  |
| Today, I have been acting as a Judge. It was my first time actually doing with other people what I have asked, hoped, or wanted other people to do for me. It was an interesting experience. I think my reviews were honest, and at least mostly tactful. It was difficult to do. I was really wanting to do a good job. I must resolve for myself that I did my best. I hope the contestants will agree with me. There will be a winner. There will probably be another contest or two along the way, too. I learned a lot, as well, about hosting a contest. That was a surprise. It takes a lot of guts to pull one of those off, much less doing it with class. My congratulations to KC under the midnight sun  for an exceptionaly well-organized contest. If you would like, check out the entries at
More tomorrow. Have a quiet night. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
| I spent about three minutes considering my personal celebration of this most personal holiday, for all my WDC friends. I had an idea to write an entry concerning my recent winning of the PowerBall Lottery, with a detailed listing of my expenditures of the first $100 million. I couldn't get to the next $900 million, and the idea died on the vine. But, if you would like to write yours, feel free--just link me to it here, okay? It could be fun! Why? As I have told you before in this little Blog, I come from a family unit who does appreciate good humor. With my Father, I learned the joy and value of self-deprecating humor. But, we all must allow our talents to stand out, now mustn't we? With me, it has been practical jokes. I became quite adept at pulling off legendary practical jokes throughout my life. I will relate only one, because I know that person can no longer (I HOPE!) exact retribution against me. His heirs and assigns (a highly technical legal term which is appropriately pronounced HAIRS and uh SIG uhns) are another story entirely, however. Any such claims should be forwarded to my personal Attorney, Mrs. Helen Waite. In the service, I was priviledged to serve for a time at Fort Sam Houston, Texas. One of my colleagues there was an amazingly talented Instructor by the name of, let's say Roger. Roger was from Philadelphia--a personal embarassment we overlooked. This boy was all city, and definitely all "Philly". He was a WASP, in the purely devoutly conservative Catholic dimensions. He had one very special talent that used to make even the worst day seem better. Roger could laugh! I mean, y'all, this boy could laugh! He wasn't quick to laugh, though. When Roger laughed, he used every muscle in his body, for a while! It was one of those "entire body" laughs. Anyone hearing Roger laugh could not help but laugh, too. It was viral. I've seen Roger start laughin', and an entire room start laughin', with him being the only person that had any idea why anyone was laughin'. What a gift! Roger, unfortunately, fancied himself to be a practical joker. He wasn't. He barely made it up to the casual-incidental-rare occasion, elementary practical joker--barely. The edge with Roger was that, if he had only applied himself to his task, he could have been legendary. He was not particular about the practicality of the joke; his gig was the gag! If you are going to be a truly legendary practical joker, folks, you must understand that the "what" or the "why" is of no significance. The subtle (pronounced SUB-buh-tuhl) elegance of the truly legendary practical joke is the "how". Roger's impending 30th birthday, many years ago now, will serve (I hope) as a useful illustration. The previous December, Roger had celebrated with me my 25th Birthday. How? Roger found 25 different pizza parlours in the San Antonio area, and had a pizza delivered to my address--from each one of them! Simple gag, right? He got a day's run from it, and I got to pay for 25 Pizzas. Interestingly enough, no two Pizzas were the same. I will admit to you that he did get a little traction, starting about the 5th delivery. The occasion to top it all off was a Birthday Party at the Club that evening. As it was New Year's Eve, we had a party at a party! The Pizza was consumed, and Roger reimbursed me the following day. Good yuck, job done. This date also happens to be Roger's Birth Date. (April 1) Poor fellow. "When you least expect it, expect it!" That's all I tole him. I happened to be aware (because it was a part of my function) that Roger was scheduled to work on his Birthday, for 1/2 day. I gave him the option of working early (0800-1300), or late. Because (as he so sadly miscalculated) he knew he was having a party in the afternoon of that day that I didn't know about (uh huh), he chose to work early. I ordered something that Roger had mentioned he needed to be delivered to his home. That's just the kind of caring, generous friend that I am. It seems that Roger had a hankerin' to lay a concrete slab out in his back yard, to make a patio. Every time we got together, it seemed this guy was salivatin' over the idea of having a concrete patio in his back yard. He talked about all the work he would do, the cost, the furniture, the color of the fancy drinks with the umbrellas.... I mean, what friend wouldn't want to help a friend achieve their dreams, right? So I did. I had 10 dump trucks' worth of gravel delivered to his house. (Anybody happen to know how many cubic yards of gravel a dump truck will hold?) A cookie-cutter house, in a cookie-cutter neighborhood filled with the military from Ft. Sam, living off post in a neighborhood which had been built with the Military in mind. Ah, the memories. These houses were separated by a strip of grass, about the width of one sheet of notebook paper. The previous Fall, Roger had received a little money from a relative's inheritance. His pride and joy was a brand new MG convertible. It was a racy, forest green two-seater and very provocative. Let us simply note that, more than his wife, his home, and his career, Roger truly did worship this car. When Roger got home on his birthday, he found his driveway and side yard filled to a depth of about 11 feet, with gravel. The deliverers had been told to just stack it up, and Roger would be in later on that day or the next to settle up. Oh, yeah. Sticking out of the mound of gravel was a bumper from an MG Midget. (Easy to find at the time). Roger got home before his wife, who had absolutely no idea about anything. Roger didn't drive "baby" to work, but he waxed it every Saturday. This particular year, like now, April 1 happened to fall on a Sunday. I was working with Roger that day. My alibi was secure. There are pictures floating around still today of that day at Roger's house. But there is no recording of the phone call I received from Roger shortly after he got home that day. It was truly priceless. To this very writing, nobody knew who created this chaos in this good man's life. There were suspicions, but nothing was ever confirmed. Roger dug through eleven feet of gravel like a madman to NOT find his car. (It had been repossessed for the day.) His call came to me some three hours after he got home. He was cryin'. It was obvious he was highly upset--he couldn't find his CAR! Oh my. I'm laugin'. I'm laughin' now. I didn't laugh then. No friend would laugh at another friend's sadness, now would they? The bumper became the border for a section of his flower garden which surrounded the eventual patio. The licence plate which had been attached to the bumper still (so far as I know) serves as a center piece of that family's bar in their den. "Happy Birthday!" From all I can put together, Roger never had another Birthday party to which I was not invited. I'm not sure why, because we really were best friends during those years at Ft. Sam. When I got flown to FAMC for my confirming diagnosis, it was Roger who attended me as Flight Nurse. He never knew who gave him the birthday present he never forgot. He paid for the gravel (and the bumper). Signed. Sealed. Delivered. Perfect, yet subtle, dontcha think? Traction? Yeah, for sure. The local TV station and newspaper did a story on it. The mystery of the car in the gravel.... Not only did he put in a patio, but a pool, and a Gazebo, and.... Subtle! I'm told that the newspaper article still hangs in the staff lounge at the Nursing School. I know it did the day I left. It hangs right underneath Roger's picture (next to mine). I never knew exactly how that article got there.... If any of my friends who were with us happen to be reading this, you can comment and verify the truth of this entry. I dare ya. Yeah, I did it. But, I TOLE him! "When you least expect it...". Sublime. Roger moved to Heaven in 1987. Somehow, I feel certain that he will be one of those who will be waving "Hello!" to me as I make it across the River Jordan. He'll be smiling. I can't wait to hear his laugh again. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe PS: For those who may be interested, I have made an addition to my series of essays entitled "Pull Up A Stone". Part Six is now ready for your interest, and comments should you desire. You can find it here:
This is an edited update from earlier today. I apologize for the back-door entry, but I didn't want to wait until tomorrow to get it posted. Please forgive me. Budroe |
| Yeah, well. I was feeling artistic with the title, that's all. Sorta. My friend Tom has come home. About 1800 (6PM) last evening, he finally managed to make good his escape from the hospital ER. I contacted him by phone after receiving an eMail from him. Doesn't THAT just figure. He sounded tired, but alright. I plan on a short visit with him today. He said the only thing he needed was to sleep in his own bed. I know he did. I hope he got the recouperative energy he needs from that. It is amazing to me. There are approximately 140,000 people in the three little communities that make up my hometown, just across the Ohio River from Louisville, Kentucky. On this side of the River, we are blessed with two really superb hospitals. Nearly 750 beds. From Sunday evening to today, there has been NO available bed for my friend Tom. He has insurance--some would (not I, by any means) say the best insurance available (Blue Cross/Blue Shield). That's like a Platinum American Express card to most hospitals. Those numbers are so far above the national average that I am simply amazed. What in the world is going on? Is it just here? Should I be wonderin' about what is in our water? I mean I KNOW that we start with the sludge from the River, but cummon! Is ours a "sick" city? Is it the only one? Boulder, Colorado is a place that I know well. Back in the middle ages, when I worked there, I would commute from our home in Denver up to CSU or CU to teach. I had been making the 120 mile circuit to/from Boulder for about 6 months when, one day, a colleague invited me out for coffee on the Pearl Street Mall. Boulder, and the Mall have a rich and colorful history. I have many remembrances of both that I should perhaps share sometime. This particular remembrance, however, is significant to this discussion. During that little stop by the coffee shop, where I paid more for a 24 ounce cup of coffee than I paid for a pound at my local grocery, I might add, my colleague and I got to discussing realities of economy (obviously) and environment. At one point, my friend asked me if I realized that Boulder, Colorado led not merely the nation, but the world in the number of people who suffered from juvenile onset Leukemia (a sad fact that is true, still today). After an hour of such light-hearted banter, I set out to perform some really basic research to test his theories. His information was not only accurate, but I was of the opinion that my colleague had actually "softened the blow', realistically speaking. The conditions were much more stark than he had shared with me. As it turns out, Boulder, Fort Collins, and Denver are even more ill, as cities, than even he knew. For the next three years, this was a personal passion of mine. I came to understand the historical reasons, the current reasons, and the future prognosis. There were many things that could (and, thankfully, have been) be done to not only lessen the severity of the attack on these amazing cities, but actually begin the restorative process. There is, in no Denverite's mind I would say, any illusion that the "Queen City of the Plains" will even approach a healthy status in the next few generations. But, attention is being paid, and things are very slowly turning toward health. Denver, however, Louisville ain't. If Denver were a Basketball, Louisville would barely be a B-B. So, to further carve away my little town from the metropolitan community ( perhaps unfair in a few ways, but necessary nonetheless for this discussion) creates a community too small to measure on the circle scale. So, the question remains for my little community: What the heck is goin' on around here? Boomers are one truthful answer. We are maturing at an alarming rate, and we are bringing our "Me" generation ills with us in alarming proportions. The first boomers are just behind the leading edge, being provided by the last of the Depression babies. It's fast becoming our turn. That would make a lot of sense here, too. There is a large retired military community here. Now please remember, I am speaking only of the Indiana side of the River. The problem with that presumption comes when you look (as I have) at the average age of the admitted inpatient. It's 49.4 years of age. (Hey, it's called "Public" Health for a reason, folks.) Cancer, Heart Disease, and Diabetes are here, just like everywhere else, the top three. Cancer clearly leads the way, with Heart Disease following closely behind. Broken down demographically, however, Cancer has a fist the size of a ham on Heart Disease around here (70/20). While it is true that, on this side of the River, 140,000 people have 750+ beds available, it is also true that within five miles are an addition 3,500 beds--and many of those are "specialty" beds (The Cancer Center, the Heart Center, etc.). They serve an addition 250,000 people in the metro area. Guess what? They are full. Part of this phenomena is from the elimination of the Certificate of Need Boards. I won't go into that political debacle. Part of it is a problem of scale. Like airlines, hospitals have slimmed down inpatient beds to keep their Census' up--thereby justifying their existence to a community filled with, at best, doubt. Smaller planes hold more people. More seats are filled, and more profit is made. Same with hospitals. There are many fewer "General Hospitals" these days, if you haven't noticed. Taking up a bed for a Cancer patient with a flu patient throws everything off-kilter, you see. There have been an incredible number of admissions around here this flu season. Is that the case in your town? University Hospitals are usually teaching hospitals, and accept (for the most part) any patient. National Hospital chains (Jewish, for instance, around here) are generally open to any patient, but they have specialty wings. (Heart, Cancer, Pregnancy, etc.) We have a couple of Mental Hospitals here, too. Then, of course, there is the Veteran's Administration Hospital complex, which serves many thousands of patients each week here. (Six week minimum for a scheduled bed.) So, enough with the public health discourse. What the heck is goin' on around here? Is it just here, or is it in other places as well? Is it this way in your town? What in the world is goin' on? In HIs Care, and Yours, Budroe |
| I was going to update the previous entry IN the previous entry, because the information applies there. But, I didn't want anyone to miss the information by having to re-read a previous entry, so.... Economy is a necessary requirement of these Blogs, isn't it? We have approximately 500 entry spaces for the Blog. I am convinced that the additional space is consumed by comments, header info, etc. So, this entry will do double duty. My apologies for any confusion which may either directly or indirectly result. First of all, the update: My friend Tom is, still, at the ER. There are no beds at either the Hospital where he is, or at the Hospital (in the professional opinion of his Primary Care Physician) he should be taken to. They have pretty much ruled out a Heart Attack in this instance, which might at first seem to be good news--and it is. However, they are looking to the (now) probability that he suffered a (brain?) seizure. They are looking for remnants of either an embolizm or an anurysm of the brain. He will be reclining supine somewhere around the ER unless, or until, they can find a bed for him at one Hospital or the other. We have set up a "neural network" of communication between his family and myself which is just a tad more advanced than smoke signals/conch shells. So far, however, it has been effective. I got a couple of updates late last evening from Tom's wife. Then, about 0230, I got a call from the Patient himself! He sure sounded a whale of a lot better then he looked the last time I saw him. This morning, I got messages from his wife, and spoke with his MIL on the phone a few moments ago. He is mid-testing mode, so I decided not to endeavor a visit with him in the ER. Besides, the last time I was in THAT place.... I want to thank all of you for the kind words, for Tom and myself as well. Your prayers are coveted, and gratefully appreciated. There is little (if anything) I personally believe in MORE than the power of effective prayer. To know that hundreds of believers are lifting my friend up to our Dad is a peace-creating reality in my world. Thank you. I am considering the reality of the purpose of this Blog in relation to the revelation by Senator/Mrs. John Edwards late last week of the return of her Cancer. The opinions are all over the map on this one, yet I will be composing (Oi! With da composing, already!) an article reflecting my opinion/views/take on this situation. There is, however, one over-riding consideration to observe here. What the political pundits expected has not happened. The expectation was that a moment would be spent discussing the wisdom of publicizing, or inviting public entry into such a private matter. Hmmm, seems like I've been down that road recently myself. Then, the pundits pontificated, the hushed whispers, the "tsk tsk"'s would cease, and privacy would be returned to the Cancer patient. That has, quite specifically, NOT happened. People all over the country are very publicly, and very openly discussing the entire matter. CBS News reports in it's "Face The Nation" discourse yesterday morning that discussion is "rampant, open, and quite vocal--especially among the ten MILLION Cancer patients in America today." Heck, I could've told 'em that. We got hundreds talking about it right here in this little Blog. The surprise the pundits vocalized is just simply fear; an anticipated fear that never materialized. It is the same fear that, for decades, has stopped the news from reporting on the disease. It is the same fear that has kept, for decades, individuals and families from discussing the topic in the first place--until left with no choice. This IS the relevant issue in many tens of millions of lives. This IS a focal point Healthcare issue in America today. The surprise of the talking heads belongs only to them. For those of us on this journey, we know that information, knowledge, and, above all, unfettered honesty ARE the first steps to conquering this insideous family of particularly humorless diseases. How do I know that? Do you really need an update? Yeah, I'll just get right on that! Harumpff. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
| The limo came again, with lights and sirens, and all that stuff. Same crew, that recognized me. They realized two things pretty quickly: 1. I was looking a lot better than the last time they saw me. 2. They were at a different house. My friend Tom may have suffered a Heart Attack a little while ago. They have taken him to the hospital so the medical people can make him all better. They wouldn't let me go with him, and his wife and mother-in-law are with him, under the strictest instructions to let me know what is going on as soon as they know anything. I just got back home from his house. I stayed til his wife's sister arrived to provide child-care. It's all I could do. I heard the sounds, and saw the lights, and saw one of the EMS guys going into Tom's front door. His Mother-In-Law? Maybe. His wife? Possibly. The children? Naw, no way. It was Tom. I've had a lot of legs swept out from under me in my lifetime. But this is a big one. Tom is, in the greatest degree, my entire local support system. But, much more importantly, he is my very best friend. Of all the things he has done so selflessly for me, I couldn't be there for him. I feel like a total failure at the moment. Of course, I am praying for Dad to show off for my friend. I ask you to do the same. This is just way too screwy for me to process at the moment. I am scared spitless. I am very angry with myself in a way that I have never felt before. There are very few things that make humans lose it more, or faster than feeling what I feel right now. That's because what I feel more than anything else is helpless for my friend. Every time, he's been there for me. Where am I? Somewhere else. Doing what? Oh, nothing. Pacing the floor, bawlin' and asnottin' for my friend, and for myself, too. This event is showing me something that I really do not like to see. Ya know? In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
| This week, I am involved in a developer's online business Summit with MicroSoft. Okay, wait. That's not the funny part, y'all. I'm doing a few meetings on organization. Okay, go ahead. I'll wait. Let it bless yer hearts! The assumptions for the Summit are: 1. These are professional software developers. (Many are not.) 2. These are independent business people. (Many are not.) 3. MicroSoft products are, for the greater part, the tools of choice for these folks. (Many do not use MS products.) If I had hair, I wouldn't have hair. It would be in various and sundry clumps all over the place. I would look like your average mutt, badly in need of mainge-care. The picture that comes to mind is of the St. Bernard featured in the film "Steel Magnolias". I also wish I had the blount disregard that Olivia Dukakis' character got to display! It's really funny the way people admit their own sins at these things. My jaw has hit the floor so many times in the past few days my floor has a permanent dent! Not only am I doing scheduled presentations, but I am also attending a joint Small Business Summit, also with MicroSoft, for my own edification (yeah, that's it!) I must tell you that these Summits have been very impressive. If you are a developer, or involved with your own small business, I can really highly recommend them. While it is true that the function is to highlight MicroSoft products (fair, I believe), there is just a ton of stuff being offered to the entrepreneur, as well. I'm in the process of writing a business plan, and many things have come to light that I needed to hear, and remember. Besides, it takes the pain outa my head from the "other" stuff I've heard this week. I would have to say that, based upon the kind of input I have received from my stuff, most are as intrigued as I with the blisterin' speed of the "idiot" factor. Stupid is alive and well, and living online! Usually, the formula for success in one of these things is to "shoot for the middle", user experience-wise. Unfortunately, there is an ocean's difference between "middle" and "shallow end of the gene pool", relatively speaking. I've had to troll the bottom just way too much this week. I usually have a lot of fun at these deals. I have had fun, too this time. But, it's not the way I usually have fun. I've had to really be creative in my responses to some programmer/developer/system analyst/project manager types this week. But, I have also re-connected with some old friends, and made several new ones. It's not a total waste. Maybe I'm learning more patience on this journey than I suspected. I know this for sure: a few years ago, I would have "reached out and touched" a few folks for less than this! I'll write more later. Right now, I gotta cook dinner, wash clothes, take meds, read a few eMails, and maybe get some Rum--preferrably IV drip! By the way, my little poem was highlighted in this week's Spiritual Newsletter. Thank you, to a special friend of this Blog, windac. If you like, you can see the poem here:
In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
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