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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let scarlett_o_h know that a Blogger sent ya! Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Well, that title could be a series of books, now couldn't it! And, that's the problem with writing. There is so much that I would like to write about. It is not so much that what I want to say is revolutionary, or even revealing. Most of it is, I think, just another chorus of the same song. As writers, we pretty much know the basics, and the rules. I don't believe that I, or anyone else, will soon be making evolutionary changes in our craft--nor should we. The rules are pretty good ones. They have been around for a very long time. They have given us some pretty good results. Everyone has a favorite writer. But, is there anyone out there that says, "Well, my favorite is ___________, but I really wish there were at least one writer in the _________ genre that was better!" ? (Without inferring themselves as writers, of course!) I just have so many thoughts inside my head. It truly gets frightening sometimes. How to get them out? For me, the answer has always been in writing. But, is getting these thoughts out of my mind, and onto "paper" enough? Or, should there be a financial income stream consideration as the first purpose? From the esoteric to the sublimely practical, people write every day. On this site, it is incredible to me to see the amount of pure writing that happens every day! Some of it is writing that I should not see--yet. That is most of my own writing, in fact. But, my brain just gets so overloaded with thoughts that I have to get it out, or there's going to be a major accident! Is all writing worthy of the care and tender nourishment required to produce a livable income? Umm, no. Is any writing worthy? Some would be telling you that some writing is worthy, because that is what the market is crying for. Some would tell you that publishers are looking for the next "wonderkind". Some writing is almost happenstance, where serendipity takes a hand and presents a publisher's dream unannounced. I like it when that happens. I would even like it more if it were to happen to me. But, at least so far, it has not. What happens to all the production of words on this site? Where does it go? To whom will it be transmitted, and why? Even good writers, who are well-published, have words yet to be written I believe. Drama, Poetry, the next block-buster Screenplay...all these and more have their genesis in the first draft. Volume is not synonymous with quality. That's the problem, as I see it, with writing. There is an instinctive necessity to write, regardless of the financial impact. The passion, or the obsession of writing is, for some a blessing. For others, it is a terrible curse, which keeps us from our peace. You know, like all those other people we see, and live around who do not seem to have this monster consuming their identities on a daily basis. In my personal view, I am not the author of the words, merely the typist. When my words ring forth, they usually take on the appearance of a bell quite cracked, to be honest. But, when the words come from the secret place that lies somewhere just past the core of my being, I am amazed. In the idea of a mystery novel, or even in the informality of this little Blog, there are words which generate a power and truth that is far past my ability to concieve--or create. The very best I can do is to simply get them "out". If I knew today that no word I ever typed again would be income-producing, would I still write them? Or, would I lay down the quill, and follow the advice of so many parents before me, and "Get a real job!" ? It is a continuum--a spectrum if you will. We see, and can evaluate other writers based upon where on the continuum we see them. Sometimes, we are even (shockingly) correct. But, you see, ours is not your average community of the sane and happy. We are a community of writers. In our community, it is the writing which matters. It may matter for a whole host of reasons. Some say we are dreamers. Some say we are social outcasts, rejects from the society of reality. I submit that reality is vastly overrated, and primarily overrated by those who simply cannot deal with their dreams. Writing is as necessary for me as my breathing. Writing is, to me, life itself. That is not an endorsement. Nor is it a condemnation. The only thing that writing truly requires is honesty. And, in this world, and in these days, that IS the problem with writing. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
| Well, at Chateau de Budroe, March did NOT begin gently or quietly. Around 0330, the Lion first roared, with wave after wave of ominous rolling thunder. It has been raining most of the day, with the past three hours averaging 1" per hour. According to the National Weather Service, the worst is over. Well, at least for now, it's over. Believe it or not, there is a snow system behind all this water. As I am sure most of you know, Tornados have been ripping across the breadbasket of our land. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Deaths have been reported in Missouri and Kansas. Phil may have called Spring early, but he has surely not called it quietly. Without getting too technical, the site where my book is actually stored seems to be determined that I will not meet my editing schedule this week. The site is down, now for over 4 hours. Chapters are locked awaysafely--so safely that even I cannot reach them at the moment. So, I am watching the "American Idol" weekly wrap-up. Evidently America disagreed with the Judges--twice. I've been on both sides of such goings on as this show, and I can feel for everyone concerned. Sometimes, the better performance (or performer) catches a break. Sometimes, the weaker performance (or performer) slides through. In the grand scheme of things, situations (and careers) even themselves out. These folks are under some really enormous pressure. The already-pressurized cauldron is artificially compressed even further, for the sake of a television audience and ratings that can vaporize from one week to the next. This level is still wide open, I believe. There is a vast variety of talent and skill that is still available to the finalists. But, this is about the time when the really stellar artists begin to shine. That, of course, makes the lesser performances stand out. On any given night, one performance can outshine everyone else. Consistency comes from the memory of previous performances. Yet, consistency is a benchmark of success in this contest. And, of course, America loves to hate Simon. The sad part of that is that Simon is usually entirely correct in his judgements. And, that makes us hate him more. "Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?" is a show that I have never seen before. It followed "Idol" tonight. I was pleased to see that Jeff Foxworthy is back on television. I will withhold all the readily available comments which desire to follow that statement. So, tonight my XBox Wildcats will take on the Nebraska Cornhuskers for their third consecutive National Championship. Methinks the game does not like me, anon. It's gonna be tough. But, I have faith in my team, my coaches, and my ability to quit the game if I'm losing my shirt! Hey, it's the National Championship! Use every tool! (Update: The Wildcats WIN! And, it was fair and square, too!!)I gotta go take those wild drugs again. It oughta be interesting! So let me say "Good Night, all!" now, while I can still see the keyboard. I wanted to go with the MarNoWriMo, but I do not have the ability to make a reasonable commitment to any level of one more enterprise at the moment, so I took the more difficult (but better for me) option, and opted out. Good luck to all those who are on the journey to 50K. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
| 24/28 Not a bad score on any scale. I wish all 24 entries this month were relevant, but I'll take 'em anyway. It's a new start, and a lot better than other recent months. There have been some really nice things that happened for me this month. Yeah, there have been a few things that I wished not to happen. But, on the whole, it's a passing score. I began a new drug last evening, after quite the infomercial from my Doctor on the potential side effects. The one that I experienced--she never mentioned: its long-lasting effect. My schedule called for me to be editing some five chapters today. In a word, no. Editing publishable material through a drug-induced fog is not a really good idea. After trying to fight through it for about six hours, I had the brilliant notion at about 3PM to have a short nap, and see if that would help. I woke up about 30 minutes ago! Seven hours--after a night-long sleep. Oh, man! How's that for wrecking your own day, I ask ya? The drug she gave me is supposed to help me sleep. I've been having a problem doing that for a while now. I'm cooking supper at 10:40PM! Well, I've got to eat sometime. I think I'll be putting this one little pill on an alternating day schedule for a bit. I should have remembered: dynamite comes in small packages, too. Ah, the things we learn. February did a pretty good job, didn't it? It feels like Spring is gonna happen soon. I very much like the notion of that. One of the things that I learned a very long time ago is that hope can be a very powerful gift. Spring brings renewal of many things. But, like each dawn, it brings-first-hope. Renewal is one of those amazing truths that we simply do not understand, and something Science can neither prove nor disprove. We can see the results of it, and we can see the effects of it. But, we cannot pin-point its origin, or evaluate its genetic makeup. Not yet. And, for just now, that is perfect for me. I mean, what's life without just a little mystery? In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
| This entry is to color my calendar blue for today. I admit it. I will finish the entry, and I will edit it. Even though I have no idea what it will be about. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I have noticed that the calendar is becoming quite an important feature in my life. Even the little one on the left of this entry is becoming one that I notice. Is it addiction? Compulsion? Obsession? The final proof of mental incapacity, perhaps! Nope, none of the above. It is just reality. What reality, you may well ask? Tempus Fugit. Time marches on. Things happen at the speed of life, and I think it is time that some things happened at that speed for me. Call it rejuvenation, or morbid terror if you wish. But what it really is, is reality. When you are called upon this journey, it very seldom occurs at a point in your life when absolutely nothing is going on. I know it has not happened that way for me. But, sometimes, things can happen at the speed of death, too. No, I'm not being unnecessarily morbid here, folks. It it just as much a reality to say this as it is to say the other. But, the speeds are quite different. If you, or someone you love, is called upon this journey, to walk through the valley, time changes. It is measured differently, and yields specifically different results. As a simple example, how many times do those of you not on this journey feel an especial victory for no reason other than the fact that it "was a good day", as opposed to "a bad day"? Do you see what I mean? The perspective from the journey is entirely different. That is one of the difficult things to comprehend--especially for those who are not on the journey. It is difficult to understand why a number in a box is blue. But, if it is blue, the number represents something that is, for the Cancer patient, incredibly important (for instance). It means that the day was productive in some way. Perhaps it was a walk, or a visit to a Doctor that wasn't so bad after all. And, sometimes, it represents nothing more than survival. Sometimes, the Doctor visit IS bad. But, when the number in the box is blue, there is something of value. Not much, perhaps, but to the person on this journey, value changes weight. Even a "not too bad" day can be worthy of coloring blue, you see. The past couple of days have been filled with those things medical. Important events have occurred. On my wall calendar, in (of all places) my living room, the important events are in the color green. Why? Because that happened to be the color of the marker I reached and grabbed when I put up the calendar, that's why. Unintelligible marks are beginning to cover that calendar. The calendar itself was a gift from a precious friend. Every time I read it, or use it, I remember that friend who just wanted to help create a solution to a problem. The problem still persists, but it is not so bad as it was. You would not see what I see if you were to read this calendar. But I would know that today is Tuesday, February 27th, 2007. I would know that I took my meds this morning. I would know that the appointments were kept. I would know that the new drugs began today. (Yes, more durn drugs!) I would know that, from today, the Labwork that is done weekly is now paid for, and I should not be receiving a bill any more. I may not remember (trust me, I'll remember) what the conversation was between myself and Dudette, but I will remember when we had it. I will know who I owe the $12.00 to for the drugs I received today. I will know that I must find, and take, the money required for my new eyeglasses to the exam--in May!! I know how many meals I have had today, and what my blood sugars read today. These are all things that I have had great trouble remembering. Now, I understand a bit more about why that is true. It's all on the calendar, you see. Shortly, I am going to begin preparations for a calendar that will culminate in only one date, in the year 2010. That is the date that my dream will come true. I will, in all likelihood, not be here to see it. But, you know, I've heard that before. It was wrong then, too. When you are on this journey, that kind of "out look" can be impossible to imagine-especially when your entire focus has understandably been on looking at things happening at the speed of death. For the reasons that do really matter the most, I must begin looking at things again from the perspective of them happening at the speed of life. This has been a most important part of the journey for me, this whole "speed of death" learning. There is much that truly needs to be said about it. And, with just enough faith in myself, I believe those things will be said in their proper time. If you have been called upon this journey because of a loved one, you may understand the difference in these two perspectives. One you pray for, the other you dread. If your journey through the valley is a personal one, you do too. The only difference is that they can be completely different, depending on your perspective. That comes from a myriad of realities that can include, but not be limited to such things as how you are eating, how you are feeling, and how you are living. It comes as a complete shock to others sometimes to realize that, for the patient, things happening at the speed of death just is not fast enough. That's where a lot of arguments begin between loved ones by the way--especially when one of them is the patient. If you take a serious look at the opposite perspective, you can begin to see some merit to the points they hold. You may feel guilty, or sad, or angry for no reason other than your newly found understanding. That is perfectly normal, and all right! I have spent some time now living at the speed of death. It is not good to ignore the Elephant standing in the middle of your living room. This has been a most revealing time of truth and understanding for me. I will spend more time on that calendar, as well. But! Not now. For now, it is most important for me to once again engage the warp drive, and do some serious living at the speed of life. Not from fear, or the fear of time. Not at all. It is necessary because there is great value in the lessons to be learned from living life at the speed of death. It is not an easy lesson, or an easy part of this journey. I know that, and I also know that you know that. I must now take those lessons, and apply them where they can be of the greatest benefit to myself, and to others. Sometimes, black numbers really represent the very best we can hope for in a day. When we get them, we must be grateful for them. Those are the free spaces that make all the blue days possible. Nothing feels that way while it is going on, but that is a lesson learned. Some days are to be enjoyed. Some days are to be merely survived. Both are victories. Both matter much. Do not be afraid to live life at the speed of death, friends. There is a wonderful truth in the darkness of the "0430's". When God separated the darkness from the light, He did not exclude either one from His presence. Dad hangs out in both the darkness, and in the light, too. In fact, He does some (if not all) of His most amazing stuff in the long night of the soul. He hangs out really close to the Chasm of our lives, because He somehow knew that we would find Him fastest there. It is sometimes truly amazing when we find ourselves in that moment: when we do fully understand that God is the only hope we have. That is, undeniably, when we learn that God is all we ever truly need to make any day Blue. But, that's just a calendar thing. And, one truth that must be acknowledged by us all is that there are no Calendars in Heaven--or Hell. They are fully man-created objects that represent a man-made reality we call time. Blue days, or Black days; Green Days, or Red days are our creation alone. I encourage you to look at the speed you are living your life today. Do not be afraid to honestly evaluate which speed you may be travelling. Just be truthful with yourself. If what you find feels a bit uncomfortable...interesting choice! You can always choose a different speed. Just make sure that, either way, it is the speed YOU choose, and not a speed imposed upon you by any other force. The color of the Sun really doesn't matter much in any day. The brightness of the Son does. That's true, no matter the journey you are on. Otherwise, it's just a Calendar. In his Care, and yours, Budroe |
| Just a follow-up on the previous entry. Had I hosted, or attended an Academy Awards party last evening, it would have been a very fun evening. Had I participated in one of the usual specialties of such a party, and put money in the pool, I would have lost my shirt! But then, so would everyone else, I think. It was a robust evening, and exceptionally well-presented, I thought. Ellen DeGeneres did a superb job. The entertainment was fabulous, and the winners were phenomenal. Many nominees that won were a surprise, but I had no particular argument with any of the winners. I was most especially pleased for Alan Arkin, Helen Mirren, and Martin Scorsese. "The Departed" is a movie that I haven't seen, but will. I was somewhat saddened that Peter O'Toole did not win, but only for the most sentimental reasons. The Red Carpet was the usual circus, and the parties were extreme from all I have been able to determine. I was in the process of helping my XBox UK Wildcats put a major whoopin' on the Louisville Cardinals (admittedly, a favorite activity in my life--but my blood bleeds BLUE: Wildcat Blue!), so it was a major feat to watch one TV while manipulating a football team on another. The sound got crazy at times, but it was fun. The Special Oscar presentations were appropriate, and well-delivered. All together, a fine evening. I hope you got to see the show, and chose to stay tuned for the entire event. The Kodak Theatre did a wonderful job, I thought. For my friends in attendance last evening, you surely had an enjoyable (if very long) evening. Ending at 12:24 AM EST, the show didn't run long--it WAS long. But, it was well worth the investment in time for the entertainment value. I hope you made a party out of it. In His Care, Budroe |
| I quite frankly never thought I would encounter such a thing. But, I have. Recently, and right here on WDC. In the few years that blogging has even been an activity for the internet, I too have had serious reservations and mis-givings about the entire notion of blogging. I have seen some things in some blogs that I thought, quite frankly, should not have been there. There have been some bloggers who have learned, at a great personal expense, some difficult lessons about life, living, and the people who live around the electrons. From the "wide open spaces" of the electrons, we have begun (but only begun, mind you) to establish rules, and limits to the entire notion of the Blog. In that regard, I believe there is much yet to be done. But, at the same time, I personally feel as though the ability to journalize your life, and your living, has yielded many positive advantages to those who write via a Blog, and perhaps more especially to those who, like myself, spend perhaps entirely too much time reading the work of others. I am not certain how it is legitimate to say that "there remains an undercurrent" of anything concerning blogs, or bloggers on the internet. It seems to me that the format has not been around quite long enough for long-standing grudges. But, there is a necessity to make some admissions, I believe. Outside the blogging world, there is a perfuntory snobbery about the legitimacy of the Web Log. It is, generally, not seen as "legitimate" journalism. There are some basically sound reasons for this--although I just happen to disagree with them. In the first place, I do not like prejudice, even though one must admit the presence and strength of prejudice every day. The prejudice abounds in this particular venue from virtually every degree on the compass. 1. Anyone can blog. True. At least thus far, anyone with a computer (with, or without access to the internet, incidentally) can write down anything they desire. Some things should not be written down at all. Some things should never be allowed to be seen by any eyes other than those whose hands wrote the words. It is a basic truth that we are learning more about each and every day. Harnessing the Internet is like herding cats. When such writing becomes known, it should be dealt with appropriately, and approximately. There are countless instances where neither has been the case. 2. Because you can write, does not mean you should. Also true, I think. There are things written in blogs, journals, diaries, and even in today's print media which, in my personal view should not be there. I am not listing specific examples in these ideas because you can probably come up with examples far superior to mine. People have, as did Adolph Hitler ("Mein Kampf") written down dreams and plans that, if allowed, would potentially harm many people. These examples span the spectrum of possibility. 3. Blogging brings about an un-natural presence of someone else's life into your world. Perhaps. Some of the Blogs that are out there give information that the reader may well find to be unpalatable. In this information age, it seems as though our endless appetite for any crumb of information is relentless. Of course, some people feel the urge to feed that appetite, regardless of the cost to themselves, or others. As one recent reviewer accurately pointed out, "the obvious nature of the public Blog indicates a mind that needs attention". Some people simply crave attention. They may be emotionally unstable--or not. The idea of putting your life on, to one degree or another, public display, is anathema to many individuals. There is, for us all, a line between public information, and public display. 4. Blogging is NOT writing; and it sure ain't Journalism. Many people feel that the quality of writing in the blogs is just far too short of acceptibility. Of course, for many of those same people, the reason is not the message nearly so much as the format of the message itself. They are just anti-blogging kinds of people. Journalists, who are having to fight the entire Internet for their sustanence are seemingly high percentage folks in this particular category. They would say that the quality, the mental faculties required, and the output of the "product" is only one more example of "dumbing down" our society. The "quick-speak" of the eMail, the IM, and the Blog simply do not serve mankind well at all. There is, for these people, no acceptable standard of excellence--save a cigar-chewing, Fedora-wearing grumpy and irrascible Editor-In-Chief to stand angrily by your side, with a very red pencil. 5. The quality of the writing simply leaves too much to be desired. True, in a lot of cases. There are some Blogs out there that are very highly regarded, who could use, more than anything else, a truly gifted Editor. Several come to my mind immediately. Among the world's top 100 Blogs, there are 7 out of the top 10 that produce simple grammatical errors in nearly every issue. To the anti-blogging community, this represents a decided lack of authenticity. The craft of writing is being deluged with mediocrity. All writers suffer because of this purposeful disrespect of the art form. And, besides, who told these folks that they were the "End All" or the "Be All" of the written word, anyway? I have five definite responses to these major complaints. I have already written them. I will post them in a future Blog. What I would like to know from you, however, is what YOUR take on the above might be. Either by comment, or by linked response in your own blog or port, would you have anything to say for--or against--this particular group? Just post it in a comment, or add your own link. I think it might be "interesting" to read around the horn, and see just what you would say about this. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
NOTE: Personal Opinion Directly Ahead!! This will be a short entry. So grab a cuppa. Get a pencil and paper. I'll be brief. My pal Scarlett has (finally!) begun her new and second Blog. You can find it at:
Did you know that there are, currently, 803 "visible" Blogs in Blogsville? Some of them are completed works, and are being kept active because of the extremely high quality of the writing in them. Some of them are newly created works, by some of the newest and brightest writers to join WDC. And, some of them are on-going works by some of the most talented writers on this planet (the limit of my knowledge). This particular writer, scarlett_o_h is one of the very best! And, among so many extremely talented bloggers, that is saying something. Besides her very own Blog, and her extreme writing talent, Scarlett also serves all of Blogsville as volunteer Editor of "The Blogsville News", a monthly compilation of some of the very best writing on this site. Contributing writers volunteer to host a portion of the "News" each month. There is absolutely no reservation within me at all to say that you should begin at the beginning, and read every single issue of the "News". It may take more than one reading, but it will be worth it. Not only will you get a complete education about Blogsville (the WDC Blogging Community--and the tightest, friendliest of all the WDC Communities, I believe!), but you will also get a rare opportunity to see some of WDC's very best writing in one place. I am not actually certain of it, but I am wondering if PlannerDan  has actually included Blogsville on his "Official" map, yet. I do hope so, because every member of the WDC Community needs to know where it is, how to find it, and read it monthly. There is a social element to the Blogging here at WDC, but I would not call this a "Social" community, a la MySpace® or FaceBook®--as such. Ours is a semi-professional world place with a strong social aspect. But, Blogsville is about writing, and writers. WDC is about writers and writing. The contract is complete. And, among the Blogsville writers, most of the very best ones IMHO are listed to the left of this entry. (There are more waiting for inclusion, but they are waiting on me, not anything--or anyone--else.) It is our privilege to be here, and to have this place to call home for our writing endeavors. I am convinced that, of all the writing communities in the electrons, this one is the only one that offers the full gamut for writers. And, while it may take some time to learn how to navigate, there is no greater payoff when this lesson has been learned. One of the reasons for that is the support we get here. But, another reason--and I would submit to you a much more important reason for that statement--is because of the support we give each other here. And, nowhere is that more evident to me than right here in Blogsville. Of all the support we get, and give here, none is highlighted more clearly than in each edition of "The Blogsville News". It has, for it's young history, as rich a history as many print outlets. While the skeletons may have only recently lost their flesh, they ARE in the Closet, as every good journalistic endeavor SHOULD have! One of the major differences, however, is that here, in this place, the Closet door has been removed, and neon lighting installed. We do not hide our faults, or our failings here. We discuss them. We tear them apart, sentence by tortured phrase. Why? Because it seems to me that the people who take the time, effort, energy, and commitment to create and maintain a Blog care at least as much for each other as they do for themselves. I know, because even this little Blog is completely filled with the proof of it. And, if you wish to test, then go through my comments and see for yourselves. You should visit:
You should read every single issue. You should put your name on the subscriber's list. You should be submitting your work for consideration in this amazing monthly Newsletter. It is not one of the "official", or "sanctioned" Newsletters of WDC. Why it is not, I cannot begin to tell you. That is a question better put to SM or SMs. But, by the very same token, the fact that the "News" is a voluntary and privately owned item IS a reason it is so special. The input is immediately recognized, and if the Editor of that particular item feels your work is worthy of inclusion, or mention, then my friend you have hit the "Bigs". David McClain started the "News" some time ago. scarlett_o_h continues it today, with contributing editors from across Blogsville, and WDC creating memorable writing for us all. We are the benficiaries of this kindness. It is up to us to promote it, help where we can, and be less than shy in our thankful appreciation to those who make it the very special treat that it is. Visit. Read. Subscribe. That's just being kind to yourself, three times. How are you gonna argue with that? In His Care, Budroe |
| The buffet of writing is full this evening. For lack of a focus, I thought I would just list the things of the day which have flowed into, and out of, my life. Sometimes, it really IS amazing to discover where, in fact, the time goes. This is not an easy affair, and anyone choosing to do so should be advised: this will scare ya! But, in the spirit of "ventilation": ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** 1. The Academy Awards seem to be the only thing that is shoving that "other" hollywood (?) news story off to the side. Actually, the only "other" news was a fifteen minute spread on her burial dress. Friends, we have done went and crossed over it, the edge. I haven't been keeping track of the Oscars this year. It seems as though I have been otherwise disposed. I do truly hope you have been, as well. There were many years when I hosted, or attended Oscar parties. It was a time of great fun, with friends that simply created another reason to share time together. As time went on, we created lists of what needed to be done before the big show. We had to see every major nominated movie for Best Movie, Best Actor, Best Actress (aging myself), Best Supporting, and Best Music, among others. It became a fun time, an evening of Tuxes and Formals. It was catered, on several occasions. It was a time for friends, who had absolutely nothing to lose, to come together and rant and rave and disagree. We argued for/against favorites. We ate entirely too much food. We had great fun! If I suggested such an event to my friends here, in my little town, I believe it would be truthful to say my future entries would appear courtesy of courier. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** 2. My friend John D. surprised me today. He just--showed up--after about 3 months. He helped me get an audio problem figured out. Now, my XBox has surround sound. Very, very cool! He has been driving for over a month non-stop, and decided to take a few days off at home. He has discovered some applications of the new Patriot Act which bother him, because they apply to him personally. A truck driver he is. A terrorist, he is not. I am past bothered by this new reality. He talked about coming back over before he leaves back out on the road. I hope he does. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** 3. I got some aliases today. It's a bit of a stretch for me to rationalize the purchase (even with GP) of shortcuts. I did it to see what the value would be. I think it is a good example of the things the programming of this site can potentiate. I hope that my purchases include a vote of confidence to SM and SMs for the site we have, and the thanks and encouragement to continue the innovations. Time will tell, I think. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** 4. There has been a lot of really good writing around Blogville this week, don't you think? It's been quiet, in one way. But there has surely been some production! I have enjoyed visiting the Blogs this week. Not all the news is good, but every bit of news I read was well-written. Sounds kind of snobbish, doesn't it? But, it's true anyway. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** 5. Tomorrow is the weekly "Drac" attack. Monday will be filled with things medical. I will see Dudette, and we will visit the Hospital together for a brain scan. I also will visit the Outpatient Clinic, and get my prescriptions re-filled. Tuesday, Dudette and I will discuss the results of the tests, and try to create a care plan that she can deliver, and I can accept. We will probably see about re-scheduling the Colonoscopy (suddenly on hold--again!), and see how that goes. The appointments requested of me from the Social Security Disability Bureau are done, so far as I know. I will visit with the local DFS on Monday, as well. We will discuss Food Stamps, MedicAid, MediCare, and Hospital bills, etc. I have to at least try to create an independent living situation quickly, as my alternatives are extremely limited, and filled with negatives that I do not wish to have to accept. My mind has been playing games with me for the past couple of days. I am suddenly "flinching" at virtually everything. What should I notice? What doesn't matter? It happens. It will pass. I just am not really good in the process. Forgive my weakness, but this is a journey of totally new realities, and it is taking some adjustment time. So, I will allow myself the time to adjust. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
Main Entry: con·flu·ence Pronunciation: 'kän-"flü-&n(t)s, k&n-' Function: noun 1 : a coming or flowing together, meeting, or gathering at one point <a happy confluence of weather and scenery> 2 a : the flowing together of two or more streams b : the place of meeting of two streams c : the combined stream formed by conjunction (Thank you, Merriam-Webster) There are in life a few times when the strangest possible things create an amazing confluence. Completely unrelated realities come together in the most amazingly techni-colored hues, and show us parts of the rainbow we never imagined. Take for instance the following: 1. I discover this morning, by three separate notifications from friends along the journey, that my work has been highlighted in the Newletter for this week. That is always a "top-drawer" event, to me. I cannot think of another honor which speaks more to my heart than the notion that someone finds my writing worthy of note. Of all the amazingly talented writers on this site, that my meager works would find a significance is just incredible. But I must confess some serious confusion to these events. I went over the mail again. Three different friends congratulated me on being included in the Newsletters this week. Isn't that just terrific? But, they each congratulated me for being in a DIFFERENT Newsletter! Something must surely be amiss methinks. So I check the Newsletters--again. I received the Newsletters, and three of them came into my mailbox--empty. What's up with that?? I pull them up again, and miracle of miracles they have words and everything in 'em! Okay, who's been playin' in my mailbox? This is the beginning of a very strange confluence. Please understand, and accept my statemtent as fact: I am not bragging about anything here. I am trying to show a truth. It is an important truth for all of us on this journey. I look AGAIN! And I find that my work has been highlighted in THREE (3) Newsletters this week! February 21st Edition: The Spiritual Newletter (Thanks, Editor windac ) for
The Contests and Activites Newsletter (Thanks, Editor Melissa is fashionably late! ) for
The Authors' Newsletter (Thanks, Editor phil1861 ) for
(I would have linked them, but I don't know how for sure. How come the Newsletters don't have item numbers er sumthin'?? Anybody know a way to link 'em?) Well dang. I'll just be bettin' that doesn't happen really often! I know it hasn't happened for me, and I fully do NOT expect it to happen again. But, just for today.... Three different pieces of work, on three different topics, come together in one week to find a spotlight. A very strange confluence of work and events, wouldn't you say? 2. After the visit to Louisville, my mind has been going back over the reality, trying to figure out what I missed that I should not have missed. I still can't figure it out. It's a major frustration for me. If I can't see this kind of thing, what makes me think I can handle my own condition--much less alone? That becomes a bit of a major issue in the grand scheme (There's a scheme?) of things. Besides the fact that I really do not (at the moment) have a viable option...what to do? This comes at a time when one confluence of physical necessity meets a continuing confluence of medical reality. I guess that--like it or not--I'm gonna have to just sit down, and other than what I want to believe, simply acknowledge the reality that I'm ill. There is an overwhelming desire on my part NOT to BE ill, or ACT like a sick person! Yet, the realities seem to be joining together in an unyielding confluence--of reality. 3. That happens at different times on this journey. It happens more than once, and can happen at any time. In the first place, we can often learn of illness while we feel perfectly fine. It makes the reality of illness seem farther away than "in your face" close. But, at some time the realities of difference DO come together in a confluence that we find it impossible to deny. We may have difficulty accepting, or even truly understanding what is presented to us. But, the stream that comes from such events is not one we can change, or stop. That is sometimes the most difficult thing of all. 4. I don't understand many of the things of this illness. I don't understand many of the things of the life I have been called to live. And, I just do NOT understand the kindness of strangers. Yet, that does not, in the least diminish the reality of them. And, I can tell you today, at least, I am very grateful for them all. When various streams of life merge, directions tend to change. Things we felt were of no importance at all become important things. Our job is to accept them, and go with the flow. As difficult as that sometimes may be to accept with a willing heart, I have learned yet once again--something all over again--for the first time. 5. It just doesn't make sense to argue with the Maker of Water. And, for me, that's a reality I CAN accept. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
| And the amazing way we learn them! Today, I went for my Disability Physical Exam. My friend Tom drove me across the river, into Louisville, and down into the very bowels of downtown. Louisville has a big city feel to it--downtown. I have always enjoyed that experience. Busses, and pedestrians going hither and thither, in a bit of a rush--but because of weather much more than the time of day. My appointment was at 1430 today. Let out in front, I entered the building at 1425. What a time to learn that having a driver can be a definite advantage! As the elevator opened to my floor, I experienced a sudden flashback, which I let slide for the moment. Tom had gone through this experience before, and told me to bring a book because they were always late, and always slow. I really appreciate that kind of information, especially coming from my friend Tom. Why? I walk in, announce myself, sign in, and look for a comfortable place to groove with my book for a while. About the time my buttocks hit the seat, a lady called me and said they were ready for me! I, and my book, walked back into the examination area. The Nurse came in, and began the TPR and other preliminary things that physical exams require. Quckly complete, the Nurse invited me back to the waiting room, and told me the Doctor would be with me soon. This time, I didn't make it to my seat. I heard a male calling my name behind me--it was the Doctor. I've been in this place less than 15 minutes! Keep tellin' me those stories, Tom! Please! We went into his exam room. The first thing he told me was that he had, in fact, received the full records from the Hospital--and the Dudette! That was a first. The Disability Determination Bureau has been "behind" on getting the records from Dudette, into the system, and into the hand of the people who really need them. We went briefly through the series of events, from the first moment to this. Fifteen minutes later, we were done. I must tell you all (and, especially all those who have the long-term disability problems who will wink, shrug, and wait for my complaints!) that I was a bit shocked. He told me that he saw no reason why I should not be able to get my determination very quickly! (Yeah, I know, Y'all!) We shook hands, and I thanked him for his time. I led the way out of the Examination Room, with the good Doctor following me. After about 10 steps, I felt his hand under my arm. Coming around me, he stopped me, and looked me square in the face. "Take off your glasses for a moment, please." (I took off my glasses.) "Stick out your tongue, please." (I stuck out my tongue.) "Smile for me, please." (I smiled.) Is there anybody reading this Blog who has the faintest notion of why this doctor asked me to do these things? Or, are you as I was, completely baffled? The doctor then, with a very serious voice, said to me: "Come back into the Exam Room, please." I suddenly got a little lot more nervous. Back in the room, the doctor asked me to jump back up on the exam table. He looked into my eyes, my ears, and started testing reflexes. He repeated his earlier requests of me, which I completed (I thought, normally.) Then, the good Doctor said: "One of your eyes does not move--your left one." "Your only smiling on the right side of your mouth. The left side of your mouth doesn't move when you smile." "When I asked you, twice, to stick out your tongue, it curled down to the left side." "What I noticed was a defined lack of motor movement on your left side as you left my office before." "When did you have a stroke? How come you failed to mention that to me?" "I have no idea, Doctor. The only thing I've noticed in the past few weeks is that I don't forget what I have to do on Tuesday. I just don't remember it's Tuesday." "How long has this been going on, Bud?" (He finally called me by a name, any name!) "Pretty much ever since I came home from the Hospital, Doctor." He then proceeded to examine me again, in an entirely different way. While he was examining, I was remembering. Remember the headache that got Doctor W. all shook up? Suddenly, I did. He wrote a bunch more in my file, and wrote an order for a neuro exam to Dudette. All I registered was the word "STAT"on it. Great, now she's got a whole new pony to ride. He called her before I left. I'm still only in his office for 30 minutes! Again with the handshake, the good wishes, and the kind word--and I was done. The elevator arrived promptly, and I got in without knowing exactly why. I had to remember which way I was going. I finally found the "1" button, and pushed it. Walking out of the building, in a bit of a stunned shock, I saw the building across the street, and the deja vu happened again. Suddenly, I was eight years old, holding my Father's hand. We walked across the street to the big Hotel, where he had secured a room for us. And, then I knew. My Father used to go to that same building, time after time, about 40 years ago to take depositions or hold hearings as an Attorney/Judge! We would always stay at "The Brown", what was for many years the premiere Hotel in Louisville! That's why I recognized the floor I got off on. I couldn't have been more than eight the last time I made that trip with my Father. Oh, Man! What a day! Of all the ways I could possibly have hoped to find comfort on that ride down that elevator, and of all the people that I could possibly have called upon in that moment, I would never have thought of my Father. Yet, standing in that doorway, I could smell him. And, I will tell you the truth. I felt him holding my hand. And, it felt really good. When we got back home, I completed my Federal and State Income Tax Returns. I get a refund--from both! Welcome to the Roller Coaster! I will have to wait now, on the entire world, I guess. In His Care, and Yours, Budroe |
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