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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let scarlett_o_h know that a Blogger sent ya! Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Who was John Allen Mohammed? And, where is Jarrett, Virginia? Why does it matter? Well, during several months back in 2002, he and a juvenile by the name of Lee Boyd Malvo killed ten people in Virginia, Maryland, and the District of Columbia, wounding 13 others. The pair were also implicated, or "were suspected of fatal shootings in Alabama, Arizona, Louisiana and Washington state."1 Known as "The D.C. Beltway Snipers", the two had a field day in a three-week fearfest that left citizens afraid to buy gasoline, or stop at a convenience store. Mohammed, 48, was executed a few moments ago by lethal injection at the State Penitentiary in Jarrett, Virginia. Malvo, aged 17 years at the time of the convictions, will serve life imprisonment without the possibility of parole. Born John Allen Williams, Mohammed graduated High School, then entered the National Guard in Louisiana where he became a marksman with the M-16 rifle. He later converted to Islam, and changed his name. The reasons for the assaults are left mostly unknown, but there are a couple of more highly-favored versions among the many. . One says that Williams/Mohammed wanted to raise fear enough to extort some $10 million from the United States government in order to create a training camp in the United States where young terrorists could be trained, and prepared for missions against US interests. Probable. The other says that Williams/Mohammed was recently divorced, and was trying to scare his ex-wife into giving him parental custody of their three children. Possible. Was he a devoted convert? Was he a shining example of what it means to be a God-fearing Muslim, epecially in America, today? Could he have been a man in search of a hero? Or, maybe he was a hero in search of an appreciative fan club. Or, was he an outraged extremist freedom-fighter who believed he could better the condition of an oppressed people? Perhaps he was just a very angry black man who wanted to hurt someone because he had been hurt. It is easy to cast aspersions, or make internet-fast judgments about someone when you do not know them. We will, most likely, never know the actual reasons for the events that ended in October, 2002 in a Maryland rest area parking spot, where the pair were discovered by a vigilant professional trucker. What we do know is that the life of John Allen Williams/Mohammed was taken by the Virginia Department of Corrections tonight. Lethal injection was administered after a final appeal was denied by Virginia's Governor Tim Kaine. "I think crimes that are this horrible, you just can't understand them, you can't explain them," said Kaine, a Democrat known for carefully considering death penalty cases. "They completely dwarf your ability to look into the life of a person who would do something like this and understand why."2 Ten people, including a Virginia gas station attendant (the crime which garnered Williams/Mohammed his death sentence) were brutally, indiscriminantly killed. Some 13 others were wounded. One thing we do know is that the duo had absolutely, by their own admissions, any intent to stop their actions voluntarily. Williams/Mohammed's Attorney pled for his client's life based upon "Severe Mental Illness". Well, I would say that's a bit of a (pardon the pun) no-brainer! But, mental illness is often used as a "catch-all" for things we just cannot conceive, isn't it? For many, random acts of violence come into that category. For others, purposeful acts of death come into that category as well. While that discussion continues, we will not be hearing from John Allen Williams/Mohammed any further on the matter. He is dead. To ALL the victims of these heinous acts, including the lost souls who travelled to Jarrett, Virginia from Louisiana to say goodbye to a loved one, you have my sympathy and prayers. To the government who, representing all the people (including me) who sanctioned this act, you have my concern. I personally believe that the death penalty is wrong--in every case. Sorry. I know many who disagree with me on that. That's okay with me. To those who celebrate this event, and feel that democracy and America are better for it having happened, I'd love to hear your reasons. Please do not speak to me of deterrents, or righteous justification. Give me your personal feelings on the matter; i.e., how does this affect you, your life, or your family? In His Care, Budroe Footnotes |
I have recently been the victim winner of an auction which got me a package of reviews and other goodies for my port. I got an Award Icon for a letter, and a Merit Badge in Style (Imagine! I KNOW!) for my work. It has been a wonderful "return" to the active writing life in this community. It has reinvigorated me, and my muse. I am so very grateful to Daizy May   for her gift to me! I did not know what to expect, but I promise you that I got more than I had hoped for. One of the reviewers went so far into my port as to review a work that I hadn't touched since writing the rough draft! Wow! I know they saw it all. The reviews were kind, friendly, and so very helpful. In some cases, I got some confirmation that my work was at least okay. I got interesting comments on how to make my work better that made sense, and came from a clear impression the reviewer was seriously concerned about making my work better--not their review. It was just great! I got nominated to be a "Best Author". That was a kindness that lifted my soul. It's been almost two years now since I had the abilty to even communicate online, much less write a word. Having no computer, life as you have known it can become a bit of the "terror in the night", if you know what I mean. At the same time, I have been reviewing work again--one of my favorite activities. The group I am in, "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS" is a really fun bunch of dedicated and talented reviewers who give "in depth" reviews because the focus is on the reviews other writers have given. We also review their ports and their personal work. Good, or bad, we look at them all with the intent to encourage better, friendly, and more significant reviews of other writers' work. I would also tell you that I have sent some manuscripts to an agent who wants to rep "Notre Dame" and the series. That is an exciting note of news, but of course we "shall see what we shall see." NaNo is on cruise mode right now. I noted that some of the nano friends have already submitted their 68k+ novels. I'm going to have to find out how you write 68K new words in seven days. I'm shooting for 16, a goal which in all likelihood I will miss. I have company this weekend, and things of the writing kind are on the back burner. Medical things are on boil, and a mandatory movie attendance is in the works. So, for today, it's just going to be normal (?) living for me. I encourage you to take the time to have some "Wow!" moments in your world. Budroe |
| Regardless of any intent otherwise, there are days that I simply must be a patient. Yesterday was one of those innocuous days. Nothing much turned into fatigue I am still feeling. I went to the Clinic, and spent five minutes having blood drawn. Then, a nearly hour-long trip to see the Sleep Doctor and her people. It was an hour, most of it on a bed. It wore me completely out. By the time I got home, all I wanted was to sleep! I still feel exactly the same way more than 24 hours afterwards. I know why this happens. I should expect it, but it always takes me by surprise. I'm pushing hard, on several fronts these days. My energy level is not the greatest, but I still need to get things done. Writing is a large part of the "things" that I require of myself each day. I do live alone. I have a homecare worker who is in the house every weekday for about 4 hours. I can't tell you what a blessing THAT is. At least my little apartment is clean. Well, cleaner than I could make it, that's for sure. Pills, diet, rest, exercise, and purpose-driven living take their collective toll on the capable people of this planet. I'm really having trouble realizing that what I could do only a little while ago seems nearly impossible now. I'm being really stubborn about it. History tells me this is not the best choice to make, healthwise. Yet, if nothing, I am consistent. I can tell that, in a large degree, it is me that is driving the boat here. But, I am afraid I am driving the boat unsafely. I have Sara to try to keep my enthusiasm in check. Ya wanna guess how THAT'S going? Ha! As if! I am unintentionally making a lot of stress for her while she tries with utter futility to get me to rest, get off the machine more often, and give myself a break. I have this "time" thing going. I have to get it done now, while I can. What a circle! If you can, choose to take a few moments to do absolutely nothing today. It could have drastic impact on your tomorrow! In His Care, Budroe |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** You just GOTTA know there's a story here. You'd be right, there is! Okay, so I find this auction. I like the sponsors and the beneficiaries. I got a few GP. I bid on an item that my friend Daizy May had bid on. It's two days before the auction closes. I got some GP to throw around. I decide to bid on a couple (OKAY! FIVE!) items. Some of the items are twins: the items you receive, a friend can receive as well. I think that's just really cool. There I was, mindin' my own bizness, not botherin' anybody--almost! In the forum for the auction, I gets me this sideways greetin' from my friend Daizy, who seems none-the-happier that I upped her bid. Seems like she was ready to just waltz away with MY item! HA! (See above!) She upped my bid!! No, really! I KNOW!! What's a good ole Amurhican boyee ta do? Of course I did. Immediately. Forthwith, anon. It started at (I think) my first raise to 35k. After 2 days, the auction was over. This FRIEND went to 150k, telling me she had a friend she wanted the package for, and she was gonna have it if it took millions! I figured that any friend that had her for a friend was pretty well lucky to begin with. In the interest of fair play (and GP preservation, dangit!) I let her have her bid! The last day of the Auction was busy for the auction hosts, believe me. I was following five items, while they were trying to keep up with 30 of them! Of the five I bid on, I won one. Given the odds, that's a clear win. I was happy. I got some reviews, Daizy would be able to gift her friend, and the auction was a flying success, especially GP-wise! Guess what?  Thanks, Daizy. If'n only I hadda known!! But, that's the way it is around here. When you find a site where people are "out-nicing" one another--and for no other reason...stick with that site, friends. No matter what, it is worth it. This is just one reason why. Do me a favor, would ya? Over the next few days, go on over to Daizy May 's Port and look around some. You'll find some excellent writing from a truly gifted writer, and you might just find one of the best friends you could ever hope for on this (or any other) writing site. Tell her somebody else sent ya, though. I might have to outbid her next time!In His Care, Budroe |
I was perusing today. Yes, I know, I'll wait. Let it bless yer hearts!  Out in public, n everything! I have no shame!It seems that, somehow, EarlyHours-A Vigilante Ranger has his computer infestd with an information-seeking, slightly neurotic (but completely friendly) circuit board named VA, or Vigilante Angel. I KNOW!!It seems he's been locked up in this computer, or the WDC site for some eight years--all the way back to the stories dot com days! Well, all of a sudden this AI thingey is runnin' loose all over the site, making a real hash of things! Seem he likes reviewers--and Blogs. If you get the chance, you really should get on over to his site. He's one of the good ones, y'all. Say a Howdy!" to 'im, and let him know that we aren't entirely prejudiced around here, okay? No, really, CC, we ain't! Blink....blink. Ahhh SWARE! The Vigilante Angel  . Better yet, get OUTSIDE his computer, and say hello to the "other" part of the act, EarlyHours-A Vigilante Ranger . I dare ya! |
| Hey!! Ya got two of 'em yesterday! Gimme a break, already! A bit testy, is he? Mayhaps but methinks mayhaps he is merely feeling the fatigue of living any sort of life with purpose these days. It's been a while, you know. I'm nearly 8,000 words into the novel (3,125/day to meet the goal I have set.) and I know how it will end, but as for who will make it to the final page...no idea. This book has been difficult to get to, but just a ton of fun when I finally get there. But, distraction has ruled the day. Marketing ideas and other things have really kept me walled off from the world, and the book. It's just one of those days. Tomorrow is a medical day. I get lab in the morning, and then it's off to see the sleep center folks. I use an assisted breathing device now at night (or whenever I sleep, actually) called a BiPap machine. It's a doozy, I tell ya. I've got to explain something to you, so you will understand the "patient behind the mask", here. As a professional truck driver, I abhored anything which took away my total concentration from my primary task: driving. I did not wish, want, or voluntarily accept any situation that would make me more comfortable while I was driving. (Well, the air conditioner/heatin system, but I'm just sayin'!) Remember those old war movies, where the bomber pilots were at a gazillion feet, and they had to wear masks for hours on end to breathe? Yeah, it's like that. What makes it more fun is that you are supposed to put the mask on when you are ready to sleep! Are you kidding me? Strap a five-pound assisted breathing mask onto your schnoz, and feel the rapture of air being forced into (and out of--ergo, BI Pap) your lungs--like it or don't. I'm not talking just a little friendly, helpful assist here, either. The pressure I'm on now is the strongest pressure available on this machine! They had to give me a special one before because it was the only machine available that could deliver the pressure I require! I had them change the pressure after seven days of no sleep! New machine: same thing. Max pressure in--and out--while sleeping. Distilled water chambers are filled to moisturize the air. Mine is set on its highest setting to avoid "cotton mouth" in the morning. I'll tellya: there's just nothing quite breathing in (involuntarily, I might add) a tropical rain storm. Where'd they get the technology for this thing, anyway? This is like "water bording lite!" They have these cards that are just like credit cards. They store all the settings for you, and then document how much you actually sleep, and how the machine helps you breathe in and out--every day. When the need changes or the info fills the card, you just take or mail them into the provider, and you get a new card. Presto Changeo!! Right now, I'm thinking I would dearly love to slap that sucker on my face! I'm all kinds of tired. We hoped this would help my constant fatigue. So far, it hasn't. The only noticeable difference for me is that I hear virtually nothing with this contraption strapped to my head--except the machine helping me breathe. You know what that's like? Well, I'll just tell ya! You like apples? It's like being conscious--while you are on a respirator. That's exactly what it's like. How you like THEM apples? Yeah, I definitely gots me some breathin' issues. No surprise; we saw this one coming back in '06. Right about the time I get my head all lined up to get some quality time with maybe even a little bit of a new life, I lose the use of my legs. Now this! Since I can't do anything about the damned machine, I'll write about it! Harrummph! In His Care, Budroe |
| In one hour (my time), the National Novel Writing Month for 2009 will begin. In many parts of the country, and around the world, it has already begun. I hate those people. We re-set our clocks one hour tonight. I appreciate that for the first time in a long time. Usually, I appreciate the return of the stolen hour. I had to wait for it longer this year but this time I don't mind so much. I'll get those early starters back, I will. I have no idea how. 50,000 words are, for me, a promise. 1,667 words each and every day of this month will bring me to that goal. But they need to be words of quality for me. Typing chapters from "The Brothers Karamozov" is one way to win NaNo. Not for me, however. The entire point is to dedicate yourself to the craftsmanship of your own words. Yes, it's fun. Yes, it's farce. But, there are real benefits to bein a part of the chaos that IS NaNo, and I want them all. I want good words that take my story forward. I have an idea of my novel. I want the words to flow tightly and fluidly from page one to "The End". Is this too much to expect from such an event? Possibly. But, not for me. Perfectionistic ideology has it's costs. What will the result be? I have no idea. The bad guy done it. The good guy may or may not win. If he does, he will have to accomplish a task or several that are larger than himself. I have no idea what lies within the words--yet. In less than one hour, I will begin the process. Wish me luck. If you are doing NaNo 2009, I wish you all good fortune on your journey. Add me as a Buddy, and I will encourage you as I can. It's no more difficult than any other "clean screen" we all face on a daiy basis. It's just that NaNo is a bit different. For me, it matters. This month will net a year's edits, and almost a year in the publishing process. Again. If I wrote no new words at all this month, it would take me nine years to empty my personal pipeline. Now, that's optimism. I need to be optimistic. We all should be. I hope you will be, too. If you are looking for a fresh dose, I know where you can find it. You can find it here .In His Care, Budroe |
| Pretty damned bold to make a statement like that, now wouldn't ya say? But then, we all know I'm just that kinda guy. Right? In this first of two planned posts today (sorry, fans) I would like to tell you just a little bit about why I review reviewers. It started early this morning, when I was perusing another blog by my friend PlannerDan . He wrote a post that I know we can all relate to. "Invalid Entry" After reading his post, I felt for him. I felt so bad, in fact that I went to my own port to see if I had been the victim of such a "drive-by" review. My personal goal is to review 100 pieces each month. Of those, a majority of my reviews deal with the reviews given by other reviewers. Would it surprise you to know that I found five such nefarious pigeon droppings in my own port? Probably not. They were private, anonymous, and wordless. Yes, back in earlier days that was entirely possible on this site. One of them was a  review of my entire professional writing folder! Contest winners and published works included! Does that make a difference?I'll never know, now will I? That's the point. Someone took out their vitriol on my work. Was it a personal attack on me? Perhaps. Was it a vicious attack on my work? I have no idea. I think the review pretty much speaks for itself. And, that is precisely my point. Dan's work happens to be very, very good. I've known his work for years now. Beyond my joy to see his writing again was the reality that the soul of a talented writer and encourager of our craft has been unnecessarily scarred. It probably won't last long because Dan is just too high-value a person for that. What of his reviewer? We'll probably never know. They are gone. But their droppings remain forever in the port of a talented and giving writer. I review reviewers to thank them for insightful, professional reviews given to their fellow craftsmen. Reviewing is not a "higher" level of our art, folks. It is an entirely different, specialized area of writing. Just as a good poem or story can lift the spirits of the reader, the thoughtful review can lift the soul of a writer. I don't snipe with my reviews, but I will jump on a bad one quickly. Bad is not necessarily equal to "negative". Reviewers who "puff up" themselves at the expense of others is a bad review. A review with no insight to make the work better is a bad review. Those reviews get low marks from me. I love to thank, and encourage good reviews by some of the best reviewers anywhere, right here on WDC. Not because I am a master reviewer--I assure you I am sophomoric at best. I learn from the talented reviews I see here. I learn about nuance of genres I do not write by reading, studying, and learning from their work. These reviews help my work. Isn't that the point? I'm sorry Dan got dropped on. I'm sorry I got dropped on. I'm sorry anyone here gets dropped on. We know it still happens, yet with the changes in the ratings system here, we have moved to a higher and different level of expectation. I only hope we continue that trend. I hope you will stop by Dan's port. I hope you will read, and honestly review his work. He deserves it. So do I. So do we all. In His Care, Budroe. |
| It isn't news to anyone--I suppose. Calendars are a very important device for those of us on this journey. Doctor appointments tests, travel to different planets for a quick lobotomy--these and more are significant issues that must be dealt with. I am preparing my November, 2009 calendar. I am not happy. I have several calendars in my apartment. They, when current, keep me aware of such things as the day and date of the week. This is quite the accomplishment, as I have no idea what day or date it is--ever, as a result of the strokes. I know I have an appointment with my Proctologist on Tuesday, the 10th of Nowonder. What good is that if I have no idea that it's Tuesday, or Nowonder? Believe me, it's a trick that requires a lot of help. 34 items to get on the November calendar. That's before the, umm, other November activity. You know...the chaos of NaNoWriMo. Yes, that has to be scheduled as well, because my world now revolves around a ten-hour work day, five days per week. It doesn't matter where I am,or what I am doing at the time. Some things just must be prioritized. NaNo IS my priority for November. Those thousands of words will produce my personal editing schedule for the next year. That's on top of everything else. Time is your friend, and your enemy at such times as these. Who needs Turkey? Bring on the nanocookies! Now, about that lobotomy! In His Care, Budroe |
| Several of you have asked about the latest medical news. I have posted a blog entry on it here. It's current, for the most part. It may explain some of the things I have been tangentially referring to since coming back to this Blog. I hope you will read it. It matters. In His Care, Budroe |
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