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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let scarlett_o_h know that a Blogger sent ya! Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| "Bud, there are many here who love and respect you. Please let us know how you are doing. We love you!" The last Blog entry was 408 days ago, according to this new system thingey that knows those kinds of things. There is much to say. I will say it. Due to the kindness of a very dear friend, with whom I feel certain you all will be made acquaintance of in the near future, I am once again a paying member of WDC via her gift of an upgraded membership for 1 year.Her name is Sara. She and I have been friends since 1972, the year following the public offering of the "Personal" computer. You will hear from, and learn much of her. There has been a plethora of activity in my world of late, and since those dark and terrible days of my leaving. I am back, for several reasons. I hope that you can accept that I am back with a positive attitude, a kind spirit, and a hopeful heart. I am not too much worse for the wear. I cannot walk these days, and have been confined to complete bed rest (yeah, right!!) since April, 2009. My legs were attacked by multiple bloodclots and, at least for the time being, the clots are winning, it would seem. I am using a wheelchair and walker for the present. I also have been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea, and have a BiPap machine for each evening's rest. The body is betraying me one part at a time, it seems. Yet, my spirits, thanks to the kindness, generosity, and mostly just goodwill of true friends has made this dark part of the journey bearable. So, onward we go. Shall we? Thanks, Dad. Budroe |
| Robert Frost comes to mind. :) "I took the road less travelled by...". There is, associated with this Blog, a journey. It began at 2030, October 28th, 2006. It continues beyond this very moment. My writing.com journey has come to an end. It does not come to an end voluntarily, so much. The destruction of my personal and professional lives, begun here in Novemeber of 2007 is very nearly complete. It was begun by those I once called friend. I am not, however, done. That which has been done to me will, in all likliehood, be returned in much more than like measure to those who have perpetrated this violence upon me. Forever really IS a long time to regret anything. That is for them to consider, not me. Nor is it to be considered here. Which is the point they never got, and the point I never forgot. Is the measure of a man his words, or his acts? Is the value of a journey the distance travelled, or the steps taken? What is the evidence of a life lived? Do the footprints matter? At the end of a journey, of what merit does the journey itself hold? What will be the lasting testimony to a life journeyed well? Or poorly? How exactly DOES one finish such a journey as this? Where IS "beyond" the valley? Do we take our sins there? Do we take the pains and hurts, our sadnesses and our failures to that place? How do we do the "leaving" of the living? These are but a few of the many questions which must necessarily arrive at some point in every person's journey. They are questions which can, in fact, find accurate and completely suitable answers. There are the questions which invade the "o430's" of life, and of the journey. It is not so much the carnage of the battlefield we consider. It is the value of the battle itself. The only reasonable victory is survival. This is the measure of the journey through the valley, as well--one more footprint. Sometimes, the footprints are not symmetrical. It doesn't matter, so long as there is but one more today than yesterday. The only way beyond the valley lies through the valley. For those of you on this paticular journey, you have been called to a place well beyond the valley. If your walk is to accompany someone through, and beyond the valley, your place too lies somewhere beyond the valley. With each breath, we walk together to that moment. For the patient, it is the only option. For the care giver, the loved one, the family member, or the stranger who becomes involved in one way or another, it is the most difficult reality to grasp. Children too young to comprehend or understand may search their entire lives, and never find a suitable answer to the one question. Loving spouses, siblings, parents, friends, neighbors, and community members may well forever feel the very real loss of one who's journey is, at least in their visible eyes, complete. Believe it or not, many times the persons with the greatest questions of all are the "professionals" who, having given all they can possibly give, still arrive at that point beyond the valley where they can only watch someone else's final steps. There can be much sadness, anger, and feelings of impotence as those given the gift of healing run headlong into their human and earthly limitations. Unfortunately, and quite unfairly I think, it is left to the person ON the journey to forgive. But, it is true. It is we who must overlook, discount, excuse, absolve...even with our final steps on the journey. It is our responsibility to look beyond the failings and foilables of our fellow man and see directly into the face of the Dad who, from the very first step of the journey, has been forgiving us. The ugliness of the world stays in the world, and when we understand that, the journey becomes just a bit brighter, and better. In our weakness, and in our pain; in our sufferings, and in the abusive living heaped upon us by the ones who shall yet remain, it is we who are on the journey who first understand the insignificance of this mortal coil. While our "friends" and "family" play the "stuff" game, and count their blessings in the things of earth, we who are on this journey must suddenly settle accounts of a Heavenly nature. One of the hymns that has meant so very much to me in my living, and in my leaving, has reminded me to: "Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look Full in His wonderful face; and the things of Earth will grow stangely dim, In the light of His Glory and Grace." I believe these words with all my being. The more we look into the face of Jesus along our journey, the less we see things of earth. It may still have it's grasp upon us for a while, but we find ourselves new citizens of another government, and another world. Anyone can die. You don't have to do anything! IN fact, everybody does it--once. But, how does one leave? My pal Max Lucado said that "you can tell a lot about a person by the way they die." I agree. You can tell a lot about the people around a person who is leaving, too. The greatest difficulty for those called upon this journey is, I believe, when that one moment comes when they must look not to the needs of those they love, or who "love" them. And yes, it does come in all but the most "immediate" circumstances. Looking over the needs of our children, our loved ones, and our friends, we suddenly realize that our steps to beyond the valley require something of us that only this walk can possibly prepare us to accomplish. We must, somehow, grow beyond ourselves and understand that this journey is, and always has been, about something--someone--other than ourselves. The bickering becomes less than petty. The shame heaped upon those who dare insult our journey stacks up upon them as hot, smoking coals which burn eternally, without shame, remorse, or ceasing. The pain, the sadness, the loss for which, and with which, we called upon this journey grieve slowly fades away. What others cannot understand, and will not see, we cannot ignore. Our final steps require us--nay, permit us--to see beyond where we are. We are given the opportunity to envision where we will be. For many of us, that is not something to fear. For some of us, it very much is something to fear. It is not for anyone else to know but us. Our friends hope we will be happy, and at rest, and at peace in the eternal Gardens of Heaven. Our enemies hope we will be miserable, and in pain, and in eternal damnation in a never-ceasing pit of agony and desperation. They salivate over the possibility of it; and will gladly dance upon our graves with the notion of it. For us, however, we do understand the notion of "Let the dead bury the dead." They will continue to steal from the goodness of others, while blaming someone else for their larceny. They will continue to accuse, for nothing more than the pure enjoyment of feeling superior. They will continue to find, in the suffering of others, satisfaction for their own putrid, fallacious, pusillanimous, defiling, reviling, disgusting lives. Given the option of living the life they have been given (not earned) by the very God who showed them the benefits, merit, and favor of love to His last breath on earth, they choose to defile it, opting rather for the position where they can claim their righteousness. Of what concern is that to us? None. It matters not the time left to us. It may be a moment, a day, or decades. Our journey continues, but we have been forever changed. The steps we take are, no matter where we take them, beyond the valley. We understand, because we have been forced by those who would say they love us, who are our friends, to understand that life is so fleeting to an eternity of forevers--that this short trip is of no merit whatsover, save we come to know our Dad. I hope that, along this journey, you have felt, and maybe even seen my Dad. If so, the journey has been worth it. I am anxiously anticipating several forevers with Him, and experiencing the life which awaits me beyond the valley. The sadness of this life will pass. The vulgarity of betrayal will settle, and the seeds of hatred will fall fallow. I know that my time in the valley has, at least thus far, been made a much better time, and in a much better place, because I was honest enough to share the truth, no matter what. If you are willing, there is still much to be discovered on this journey. But, beyond the valley is a place where mere humanity cannot go. Sin has no place there, and evil cannot approach it. Look unto yourself, and reconcile your sin, your failings, your shortcomings, and your evil before attempting to walk beyond the valley, beloved. The truth is that, in that space, sin and evil cannot abide; they are destroyed instantaneously--as is all that embodies them. Beyond the valley, whether of or beyond the steps of this earth, is only Holy Ground. The requirement is to check yourself. And, "Let the dead bury the dead!" I thank each one of you for sharing this part of my journey with me. I hope that, along the way, you have found a step or two which has encouraged you, or given you encouragement and hope. Take the good, leave the bad, and let Dad have everything else. If you have the courage to give it to Him, He certainly is God enough to take every bit of it, and turn it into something wonderful which the world will see as His goodness. There are many steps yet left to take. I will see you down the path a ways. I remain, forever, In His Care, Budroe TO BE EDITED FURTHER |
| If you know the story of St. George (who was actually a Roman Tribune, and is not now, nor ever has been a Saint), the maiden, and the dragon, this short entry will make sense to you. I wish to thank my friends Kathy and Roger Cawthon for the story. Sometimes, the very best thing you can do on this (or any other) journey is to embrace the Dragon. There are tons of ways such a concept could go, but this is my entry, so I'm taking it at least one way (and maybe more, depending on the size of the dragon being embraced)! The story says that, when you embrace the Dragon, a part of the Dragon's heart, and courage, pass to you. I like that idea. Along this journey, we all need fresh infusions of heart, and courage. It's not that we lose them. It's just that sometimes we lose sight of them. It's a very nice idea to believe that there is a place where you can go, on your journey, and find a storehouse of both. The miracle of St. George was not, to me, that he brought a ferocious dragon to the complete control of the maiden he had terrorized for so long. The miracle is that St. George taught the maiden (and the Dragon) that being a Dragon wasn't just all bad. There is good in every Dragon. Dragons do what Dragons are designed to do. But, Dragons have heart--and courage--to spare. For those who have the Dragon of Cancer, and for those who walk along with them on their journey, the story of St. George tells us that there is good in all of us, even the Dragons along the way. Some things seem very fearful to us, and we can begin to believe we are helpless. Embrace the Dragon. Face the fear. Name the confusion. Find the heart which resides within every Dragon, and take a measure of its courage. It won't make you well, but it might just make you better. It may seem antithetical to suppose one can find heart and courage from that one Dragon we fear most. But, I can tell you with certainty, the courage needed, and the heart required, to get past the Dragon, and save the Maiden, lies within the Dragon itself. It may not be easy. But it is always worth it. In His Care, Budroe |
| Do you know of them? I've either got them, or I'm in them. It seems as though, as much as I am doing and writing, there is really nothing to say at the moment. This is like a few days' worth of the 0430's! I have been asked to give you a medical update. The truth is that there is no news. My Oncologist has two surgeries planned. MecidAid says they do not wish to pay for them. SSI is pending (applied for), but has not been heard from. I am Attorney-shopping for the Disability re-filing. The patient is experiencing pretty regular Migraines, and the Summer's beauty has brought a type of humidity that my body really doesn't like. As a result, most of my time is indoors. Life is slow, and these days do cause me stress. I feel like I should be DOING something, yet anything I attempt gets stopped. Searching for creativity in times like this is difficult for me. I'm sure it is for everyone. Having been notified recently that I lost two family members definitely had an effect on me, but not nearly as much as it affected others--especially Cousin Annie. I would ask for your prayers for the family, and especially for my Cousin. One blessing for me these days is that, without transportation, I am not facing armed robbery every time I go to the local convenience store. Looking at the folks fueling up, I feel blessed--in that regard. There are Blessings every day. I will admit that I have some trouble sometimes seeing them, or reaching out and accepting them. That is a bit self-destructive for being at this point of the journey. But, it does show I am still human, and still a belly buckon kid with more to learn. And for that I am grateful. I have a tooth which seems to be needing to be noticed. There is a lot of pain involved as a bare root is exposed. But, in the sense of continuity, MedicAid isn't interested in that, either. It does get better....it does get better. It's a quiet time in the doldrums. I do look forward to the next breeze of creativity to move me forward, and to give my life a bit of purpose. I hope your breezes are light, and constant. In His Care, Budroe |
| According to a recent Washington Post News Alert, Reuters News Service has just reported the death of comedian George Carlin.1 Carlin, 71, fell ill in Santa Monica, California earlier this evening and was taken to St. John's Hospital, complaining of chest pains. Arrangements are pending. I suppose it goes without saying, so I won't. Carlin's life was a testimony not of what was right, but what was important. He tried desperately to do that one thing that good journalists, or good writers--or good comedians do so often. He tried to encourage us to think. He did it by allowing us to laugh--usually at ourselves. He did it very, very well. You may not have liked where he stood, but you knew where he stood. If you chose to engage him, you'd best be prepared. His was a life of commentary on the realities, and the vagaries of society, and social "relevance". His contributions to our national debate never ceased to amaze me in their clarity and their simplicity. He helped define several generations. His willingness to "throw it out there" helped define countless minds who, under his demanding rhetoric, were taught to not automatically accept the "official" version, or the "accepted" version--of anything. His was the gentle art of intellect. It is a very rare gift. He used it magnificently, and changed his world. That wasn't his goal, or his purpose. That was just the result of his resolve. I admired him. He will be missed. In His Care, Budroe Footnotes |
| One of the more imporant recollections of the recent past for (among others) Americans was the FISA Court fiasco. Tomorrow, Congress is set to do something en masse about that nightmare: they intend to completely legitimize it. Under a consideration to be voted on tomorrow, the legislators will appear to do the nation's business by granting blanket amnesty to all those telecommunications companies who allowed the Federal Government to obscond with the personal telephone, email, and banking records (among others) of hundreds of millions of Americans. Said information has been warehoused--for potential future use--as the government may seem fit. In the process of rolling over the collective shiny side for...someone, there have been some rather incredible revelations involving the truth of the last few years which the Federal Government doesn't even care if we learn. It seems not to matter in the least that this "new" truth simply nullifies the statements to the otherwise foisted upon us for those years. Well, yeah. I do, in fact, have an opinion on it. AT&T, MicroSoft, Yahoo, Chase Bank...and untold others were forced, by their Federal Government (along with other "activities of interest" such as Library Cards, for instance) to deliver the complete personal records of all their customers--at their cost, under threat of Federal prosecution. One refusal led to a court case which the Federal Government lost--profoundly. Now, in order to protect themselves from the admissions such a revelation would undoubtedly require (not to mention punitive judgments against the perpetrators in favor of the injured private American citizens) we have tomorrow's pablum presentation. Amnesty. Here is an interesting article2. I would recommend it to your reading, at the first possible moment. Believe it or not, your definition of citizenship depends on it. (My opinion!) It is not only my opinion, but it IS my opinion. This is a big deal, and one which would forever prohibit not only recompense for such acts. It would close the door on EVER rescending their practice. Yes, it is a big deal. At the very least, big enough to justify two entries in one day!  In His Care, Budroe Footnotes |
| I'll wait; let it bless your hearts! No, really! If the title works, you are in a different place right now. While you remember the burn and sweat...let me tell you something. I have two windows open in front of me. One has the beginnings of a new series of essays I am working on. I hope to introduce them here soon. My friends can "Pull up a Stone" and read them when they are loaded. I will be hopeful for constructive review. The other window has this screen up in front of me. So, from a writing perspective, I am truly multi-tasking! Without a net! Okay, so here's the deal. Relax, this one won't even hurt--much.  Let's visit your memory for a bit, shall we? Presume nothing. It will help. Remember, with me, the last time you did a serious workout for seven consecutive days at the gym. After you respond, listen to the response you gave. For some, I know the response would not be graciously received in this Blog. For others, there may be the long-lost memory of "the olden days", now and forever gone. Age, illnesses, or different priorities have replaced those glory days of yore. For still others, there is only the bile which, rising in your throat (again), returns with the mere mental picture of someone--anyone! seriously working out for seven consecutive days at a Gym. I mean, don't you know someone so devoted to that goal that they just can't breathe without a workout? Blecchhhkkk! Perhaps you even were (or are) one. We'll see in a bit. Okay, clear the picture. Perhaps, where you live, there is a little more "social" element to the Gym. You, and friends, have enrolled for a class, and meet a couple or three days a week for the Tybo craze which is the newest socially acceptable addiction. After all, everyone's doing it! It's important to work out occasionally, right? And you have those great friends at the Gym to share the good and bad of life with. You can even secretly Klatch and spread the "juice" that everyone in the neighborhood should know. Showing up in those Lycra suits is just such a gas! And, they have that awesome Juice Bar. The guys have groups and classes, too. The Personal Trainer can be endured three times per week, after all. It is a necessary evil. The job really notices your membership activity. It WAS so nice of them to provide this particular perk. Someone should use it! And, the scenery's pretty great too! If only your best friend would quit coming for the weekly Handball game, you could just let that whole Gym "thing" slide into oblivion! Right? Besides, it sets a good example for the kids, and the little woman. It's a task, but it's all part of living in the new suburbia! One must keep up appearances. And, Lord knows, she could use with dropping a few pounds! Someone should tell her... Before you get yourself into Divorce Court....Clear the picture. Being a completely social creature, you find spending time at the Gym a few days a week to be very beneficial for the "news". You have a person you know who is a member at "your" Gym. She, for reasons she may not understand (yet) considers you to be her friend. She's a social climbing wanna-be, and if she thinks sharing the confidential "dish" with you....no skin off your nose. Wearing that stupid outfit is a pain, but it's funny; sometimes some of the members give you a "look". It's a cheap thrill, but sometimes even cheap thrills count--right? Or, maybe you've finally gotten "the tribe" out of the whole Gym thing, at long last. It's strictly the "Executive Workout!" for you. You know:  SteambathBarHot TubBarPoolBarPass by the Handball Court on the way to the car.Perhaps it has been a really long time since you "hit the Gym" at all. That was then, this is now. Life has taken a nasty turn, and things are just so different now. Who knows, you might be one of those people who, if given a chance, would just LOVE to get back to the Gym. If only.... Or, perhaps you have never darkened the door of a Gym at all, for any reason, under any circumstance. I believe that these examples pretty much complete the spectrum. Everyone falls in there somewhere. Where in there are you? Okay, clear the picture. You can usually tell, in one way or another, where on this imaginary spectrum any particular person falls. I think this spectrum can really be effective in other ways, too. How much people care, for instance. About themselves, or others, or "things", or reputation, or ... you fill in the blanks. And, the scale is usually at least reasonably useful as a gauge. A gauge has no "agenda", and a gauge has never felt an emotion. It's a tool. It cannot pronounce judgment, or withhold love. "Has he lost his MIND?" Nope. Both writing pieces now under construction are using the very same gauge. But, the one that applies to this entry (and, I think, to you) has to do with a different topic. Whether you are a "Gym Rat", or a fitness nut; an enthusiast or someone who has never broken a sweat, you are on the spectrum somewhere. Where are you on the Blogging spectrum? Everyone falls on that spectrum, as well. Some don't do it. Some do it, but purely on an occasional basis. They throw themselves into a moment, but they really spend most of their writing time doing other things. Some only read, and let the community know they visited with a comment. Some of our blogging friends carry on the occasional conversation, and are Blogville's Social Butterflies. They flit about, from Blog to Blog. They drop a bit of the nectar of kindness into every comment box they find. They take away a concern to share, or a joy to feel, and bring it to our community from moment to moment. Others curse, and fuss, and "power" themselves through the next entry, but they don't like it much. You can usually tell this member's position on the spectrum rather easily. Writing isn't a passion for them, it's a task. They don't write for love, or passion, or deep relationship with the craft of writing. Perhaps they once did, but this whole writing thing is just getting to be bothersome! Interestingly to us, and suprisingly to them, this is usually when their very best entries appear. And then, the bloggers here at WDC have the "Blog Rats". Mine is nowhere near a comprehensive list, but that list over there on the left is peppered with them. Sarah, Tor, Nanette, Scarlett, Planner Dan, Nada, Kenzie...these are some of our really serious Blog Rats. How do you know a Blog Rat? The same way you can tell a Gym Rat. While a GR has his/her bag within reach, no matter where they might be standing, the Blog Rat always has a blank screen, or a clean notebook somewhere close by. The Blog Rat is, in all likelihood, the most inquisitive person you will most likely ever meet. They are the most passionate, and compassionate people around. A Gym Rat lives to sweat. A Blog Rat lives to write. Even when life circumstances surround their little ship with the worst possible lightening bolts of life's seas, the Blog Rat sees only an amazing story to be shared. Their work is not sufficient when it is written. Like the Gym Rat, the Blog Rat does not expect perfection, they tend to define perfection. We have an amazing blogging community here. From the casual, to the occasional; from the gentle encourager to the forceful, sword-wielding wordsmith, the entire spectrum is well represented. If you look at the definitions for the Gym member, you will see a fellow blogger who comes to mind. Trust me, it works every time! Go ahead, I'll wait.From our most professional bloggers, to the newest first entry of today in this whole "Blog" thingey, there is one more, and perhaps the most, important truth to be told, and heard, and felt, and realized. Both our community, and the community of the Gymnasium, exist not merely for the advantage of their members, but simply BECAUSE of them. No, really. Get this--it IS important. We need every member, no matter where they are on the Blogging spectrum. Our new and increasing services are only being envisioned because of our members. From those who work for hours upon hours, each and every day, to make certain their entry defines the quality meter for the day among the rest of us, to the "newbie" who just had the guts to type "Hello, World!", our community exists ONLY because both played their part. Sometimes, our roles change. That does NOT mean our value does. That does NOT mean our value to, or "right" to participates in this community changes one iota. It is only the community it is...because we are. We need every word. We need every day missed. Just as important as it is for our leaders here to do what they do, it is important for us all to realize that the newbie is watching. Not just our words, but our willingness, our attitudes, our availability, and our dedication to each other. Who would want to be here without our social bloggerflies? Not me. Would we be the same without the "News"? No way. Would life at WDC have anytning like the flavor it holds to us without learning of Zimbabwe from the first-person heart perspective? Do I still remember the canned goodies from that amazing blogger, and my dear friend Christine? Every body has a butt. Every butt has a boil on it, from time to time. We got a growing list of bloggers vying for that title, but I digress.... The passion, the compassion, the faith, the friendship. The quality that just simply stuns. Our community is not defined FOR it's members. Neither, by the way, is the Gym. Our community is defined BY it's members. Some days, stats matter. Some days, there is but one concern--and everyone shares it. We are writers. (Yeah, but "Writing Rats" just did NOT work!) The other writing deals with a different community, with a different definition. But, they still share the same kind of spectrum. It is only important to realize that every member matters. Like we need our leaders, so is it true that our leaders need their followers. And we all need, desperately, our newbies. And, the one thing that I want you most to understand? No matter where on the spectrum you are, it only matters that you are on the spectrum! Write to your passion, or to your interest. We are, many of us, here solely because this activity encourages us to create new words every single day. Our community encourages us to write well. Sometimes, we can only interrupt life every once in a while. Be grateful for that interruption, and let that occasional blogger know how much you appreciate them. Do your very best to be the blogger you are! Otherwise, blogging will be but a distant memory, and our community will "remember when". And, just like with any other community...we will be less for it. In His Care, Budroe |
| I was watching Tiger Woods play golf today, and it hit me. Right out of nowhere, it became clear to me. I couldn't get over it. In every age, there are those who, simply by doing what they do AS they do it, come to define an age. Tiger is one of those people, I think. I got to watch his victory today, and felt privileged. In ages to come, there will perhaps be a young player somewhere who reads about the "perfect golfer", and have absolutely no connection to him whatsoever. That got me to thinking about, for some inane reason, my Father. He lived from 1917 until the mid 1990's. He had an age, too. Ben Hogan was his golfing hero. Mine were Arnold and Jack. I was raised listening to them play, or watching them (and even rarely following them) around a course or two. Humphrey Bogart's tree is still being used as a target at Pebble Beach. He used to stand there beside that tree, with his hands in his rear pants pockets. The occasional drink would grace his hand, and he would thoroughly enjoy himself as the cast of greatness passed by. The ever-present cigarette would identify him to strangers just by the way it hung from his face! They would wave, or even share a word. He LIVED in that age. My Father was a scratch golfer, and won many a local tourament. In fact, he was kind of "known" in our hometown as a superb golfer. The reason? He only used three clubs! Many the bet was taken, and lost, because of that. The annual Labor Day tournament at our local Country Club would be inconsolable if my Father were entered. In fact, many players would wait until the last possible moment to sign up to see if my Father was going to play. Legend has it that, if my Father were entered, the playlist was significantly shorter then if he (upon the rare occasion) would pass. From the 1940-1960 era, my Father was a force to be reckoned with on the Links in our little town. Needless to say, he OWNED the 19th hole. How grateful I am to be living--and to have lived--in my time. It seems that, waxing nostalgic this past weekend, I did a "rerun" of my time, from the 1950's through today. There is just so much that makes this age one of wonder. Some notable things are as old as Creation, while others are so new, and so amazing, that I catch my breath. I try to live each day with the wonder of a child. Most days, as especially today, it really isn't so difficult. May you have a wondrous day, too. Today, and especially tomorrow, take a moment to simply wonder. Look with the eyes of a child, and see colors, and shapes, and perhaps even people for the first time--again. In His Care, Budroe |
| It has been a day. Drama reigns here where I live. One of the interesting realities of living here is that drama seems to reign all the time. I try to avoid it at all costs, but sometimes things just find YOU, ya know? Among those things that define me is the fact that I am a child of two alcoholic parents. As so many of those who are friends along on this journey might well understand, growing up around alcoholics can be a very different life for a kid. I drink very rarely. I will presume that no particular explanation is required for that statement. I can be social, and as some here can attest, I have had my "moments". (One or two, or even more of those witnesses, including my favorite bartender, visit this Blog regularly.) I am not one who drinks regularly. But, as I have stated, I have had a few times I wish I could remember. That is the point, you see. I am what is generally referred to as a "blackout drunk". Once a certain indefinable threshold has been reached by my body, I black out. They tell me I am a friendly, happy drunk at such times. I must depend upon their reports, as I have lost those moments (or days), seemingly forever. I don't like that feeling, so I don't drink much any more. As an added incentive to temperance, meds and other things make me not only a very cheap drunk, but a person who invites danger with the ingestion of alcohol. It doesn't make sense to me, so I just don't do it--much. If only I could say the same for smoking. But, I digress. I have a friend here where I live who suffers from the same malady: he is a total blackout drunk. The kicker to all this is that my friend is 22 years old.We met at the Shelter. I helped him get into the place where I live at the moment. He's a total wreck. Actually, he is a train wreck-in-process. He knows this. He doesn't seem to care. Today was a very bad day for him. I was only a witness. Violence, cops, and much fear were significantly involved. As much as I found his situation sad, I found his participation in the entire situation repugnant. I will admit I was not at my best today, either. Anger, frustration, and a sense of a refusal to enter into that particular miasma seemed to overwhelm me. I suppose that, were I being frank with someone, I would say that my particular situation is of such a nature that I find those who purposely create an even worse situation for themselves, with little or no regard for the costs others must pay simply impossible to fathom! As a result, today wasn't such a good day. The pain is significant. The mental state is low. The spiritual self seems to be down today. Maybe it's just one of those "triple-threat" kind of days. All I know for sure is that my nerves are frayed, my emotions are wrought, and my patience is virtually non-existant today. I've tried to keep it private, but I'm hoping that putting those swirling emotions here will, somehow, help me. He won't know of them. I will recover from them. But, in the rarefied atmosphere of time's precious reality, I guess the pure disregard for the gift just grates my cookies. Still. Being a victim of another's choices is not a good place to be. I was raised in that environment. Isn't it funny how, sometimes, long-suffering just keeps being long? I'm 52 years old. One would reasonably think that, at some point, the past would not have such a drastic effect on one's present. Don't believe it. In His Care, Budroe http://www.lulu.com/content/1220640 |
| One thing I missed yesterday was making my goal a reality. I did get to visit a few of my friends' blogs, but didn't get to leave many footprints. Do you know I visit if I don't leave a comment? Just wondering. I had a few ideas about that this morning. Feedback will be appreciated. I find it interesting, yet paradoxical, that we just do not realize the things we miss. A child's hug, a very special blessing from a friend, or even a kind word from a stranger can be missed and the value forever lost--without our even knowing it. I read a list of celebrations going on in this year, this month, and this day. I was, in a word, stunned! I hesitate to even offer examples for fear of causing trepidation or a sudden case of the Vapors amongst my friends. But, whether you have somehow earned the vaunted position to be a recipient of the entire list (some 550 listings in total), could I give you just a few? I would love--no, REALLY!--love to hear what you have done, are doing, or have plans to do in honor of these on-going celebrations: Year 2008 The Year of the Frog 3, 4 (Well, it IS a Leap Year...)The Year of the Rat (Chinese Zodiac) 5The Year of the Reef 6The Year of the Potato 7June, 2008 National Safety Month 8National Fireworks Safety Month 9 (Check out the sponsor....let it bless yer hearts!) National Home Safety Month 10  NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month)  11 (Well, did ya KNOW? Or, did you miss this one, too?)This week is National Flag Week in the USA. Flag Day is June 14th, 2008. (Saturday) That day also happens to be the birthday of one of my Alma Maters: The United States Army! And, if you don't believe that God has a sense of humor... Yesterday, June 10th, 2008 was National Ballpoint Pen Day! If that isn't sufficient to get your writer's heart pumpin', yesterday was also National Alcoholics Anonymous Day! You just gotta KNOW Papa Hemingway would be plroud! I don't think American Greetings or Hallmark has that one yet. (Whew!) Well, if you are feeling sad because of all the parties you are missing, I've got one we ALL should celebrate! Friday, June 13th, 2008 is National Blame It On Someone Else Day!!! (Yep, fer real!!) Seems like this bunch could get that one done in fine fashion! Whatcha think?? Well, it's just funny the things we miss sometimes, isn't it? I've done my part; my work here is done. I hate to leave in such a rush, but I have a party I have to go to. I can't miss it, and I wouldn't if I could. I'll see ya there. Happy King Kamehameha I Day!!12 everybody!! And, all you wimmins thunk we wuz just interested in Father's Day on Sunday, June 15th, 2008! Harumphff! What, do ya think we're shallow er sumthin'? And, you wonder why we are always rushin' off somewhere to a party!! Somebody's got to make National Headache Day a reality! (June 15th) In His Care, Budroe Footnotes |
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