%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
|
Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let scarlett_o_h know that a Blogger sent ya! Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I am back on the WDC site. I am back because, just like in the beginning, I want to learn more of my craft. I want to become a better writer. Writers write--every day. I am participating in the 2009 National Novel Writing Month activity. I have joined the WDC NaNo groups and will be representing WDC and FMWriters groups. One of the WDC groups is having a "Write-A-Thon" activity for this year's NaNo. Sponsors donate GPs per word written, with the GPs going to charity groups on our site. I need sponsors. If you would be willing to sponsor my activities, please visit "NaNoWriMo Write-A-Thon" and sign up to sponsor my activities. I could use the motivation, and the groups could use the GPs. Since my words will be written anyway, I thought it would be a great way to support some good groups here. Just let them know that you would like to sponsor me--or any other participant of your choice. Thanks for supporting my NaNo efforts this year, and the groups who deserve the GPs. If you are participating in NaNo 2009, let me know. I have some GPs to sponsor friends of this blog, as well. Let's make it a family affair! Budroe |
| Life picks up speed at such times. It's a pleasant change from the usual daily schedule, and puts a lot of pep in my step--so to speak. Today will see us visiting one of the Southern Illinois towns that are so picturesque. It is a college town called Carbondale; I'm sure many of you will know of it. Carbondale is the home of Southern Illinois University (Go, Salukis!), celebrating their final football season (budget cuts). Fall is in near-full color, and the view outside my 7th floor window is approaching spectacular! It's a movie day, with food to follow (I think!) and I am looking forward to getting out "amongst 'em" today. I'll let you know how it goes. A day away from the computer is a very healthy thing for me these days. November's coming! In His Care, Budroe |
| Imagine. Among all the different things that we experience along the journey, there are so many new people, events, and experiences which we must somehow assimilate into our daily lives, now that we have learned we must come to grips with this new reality. It can get very confusing, and more than a little intimidating along the journey. Some things, however, are not shared by the "group". Care givers cannot share them. Neither can friends, family, loved ones, Doctors, Nurses, or social agencies mavens. Some things are very privately experienced. Many of you, who have been called upon this journey, immediately recognize some of those things. They usually are the most recent things you have come to know. But, if you take a moment to look back upon your journey, you may find there are many such "private" moments. Some of them, I have spoken of here, in this Blog. Some of them I have not, because they truly are individual. They probably apply only to me. I hope that this journey will show you some of those things, because I think they can help you as you travel down your path through the valley. From your comments, you show me this to be true, and for that I am really grateful. Lately, though, I have had a very personal experience which I would like to share with you. We do ask, in many different ways, "Why me?" I have gotten an answer to that question that is entirely personal to me. It is one dealing with my faith. I am a Christian, and I believe in a vital, living Supreme Creator I call "Dad". For many years, He has tried (mostly in vain, I might add!) to direct my path--especially as I travel on the journey through the valley. The other day, I was sitting in my apartment, reflecting on the progress I have made through the valley. I began to notice something about the ebb and flow of the walk. It hit me, as it so often does, like the preverbial bolt. Dad wants my attention. There is something this journey is supposed to do...for Him. It is to be really transparent, in that I am not to be seen nearly so much as He is to be seen, and (as Christians say) glorified. The most amazing parts of this journey have always been found at that one moment. You surely know it. That moment, usually at the "0430" times. You feel utterly alone. No matter who is with you, or around you. You just get this heart-crunching awareness that this is, regardless of any words to the contrary, YOUR journey. And, that is when Dad tends to show up, and show off. The incredible feeling of "alone-ness" is where the lesson comes to me from. At least, it did recently. Here it is. Please hold onto the bar. There is an old saying among Christians that says "When you get to the last strand of the rope you are clinging to, that is where you will find the first strand of His garment." Well? Why? Please just consider the question for a moment. I've already given you the answer that I found.Do you see it? What do you do when you are utterly alone? When there is just nothing, and nobody to care, love, encourage, or support you along the journey? What's that all about, anyway? What I learned was that it is in those times, in those drastic moments when Dad shows up. When there is no one to turn to, or cry with, or seek help or comfort from, Dad is there. David knew it. His cries to the Lord always tell us (Psalms) that in his moments of quiet desperation and loneliness, God showed up. And, we surely know that He showed off. That's what, I think, gave David some of his deepest convictions of his faith. The things that Dad did, when there was not one other soul left, added to his faith in such measure that he could pen the words of the 23rd Psalm. You know, that Psalm comes as a result of the 22nd Psalm, when David has found himself cowering in a cave to avoid his enemies. People seldom read them together. That's too bad. When I am alone, Dad provides so far beyond my greatest need that it deepens my faith in Him. I am a great sinner. He is a great Savior. When there is no place else to turn, you see, there is no distraction possible. I can talk with Him--and I can seriously listen to Him. I can find my way back to Him in those times. The pain is there, and so is the fear. But, I know I need not speak them. In the first place, I cannot. In the second place, He knows them better than I. He knows my heart. But you see, Dad knows my heart so very much better than I possibly could that sometimes the most important thing becomes the most difficult thing to remember. He created my heart. What seems so difficult or confusing to me is simple for Him. He can straighten out deceptive thinking, sinful error, or pride with just a little bit of MY undivided attention. Life, as we have developed it, seems sometimes to be contrived only for distraction. I personally believe this to be completely true. But, when there is no one...well, then we think differently, don't we? Must we really get to that moment before we can listen, and hear Him? No, we just choose to. It's a "people thing--if you've got a belly button, you do it, too. How wonderful it is to run to His arms, and know that the Creator of the entire Universe would stop his every work just to hold His kid. Imagine. When that happens, no journey is too long, or too difficult. There is no problem He doesn't understand. There is no condition He cannot make better for His kid. There is no human who can do that, not even the love of your life. He will send someone, or create a situation that you will call "good luck". He will bring His blessings to His kids, no matter what! Sometimes blessings come because we ask. But, sometimes, Dad just loves me so very much that He can't help Himself, and He pours out blessings so rich that we can't hold them all. Sometimes, we only permit that when we have no other distractions. These moments do not make the journey better, or easier. They just make the journey, and all of life, worth it. No matter what. When all this began, back in October of 2006, I had some of those moments. In April of this year, when I lost the use of my legs, I had a few more. When the journey decided to slap me in the face just to remind me of my circumstance, my Dad showed up, and showed off. Where Ole Ugly tried to slap me down, Dad wrapped me in His loving arms and lifted me up. Not beyond or away from the Journey, just enough to get my balance back. He put my feet back on the path. It took a while. But, I'm writing this, aren't I? I'm still here. I'm still on the same journey. Life beat me down, and my Dad, my loving Father, lifted me back up as only He could. And, that's the point of the lesson. When you have no one, you have Him. I hope I can remember that truth more often. I am trying to, anyway. I hope you will to, because it is perhaps the most important lesson on the journey--no matter what. I am still, and hope always to be, In His Care, Budroe |
| Friends: Nearly two ago now, an item "hit the wires" concerning me. In all that time, I have said nothing, because I felt there was nothing to say. Since returning to Writing.com, I have learned in a personal way that many persons other than myself were negatively affected by that item. While I believe the damage done is the responsibility of the person who write that item (and forever will), I do have something to say to those people. Not because I feel it necessary to defend myself. I want to say something to them because my name, my honor, and my integrity require a response. Today, I have made public for WDC that response. It is the only response I will make. I did NOT write it to renew old arguments or hurts. So far as I am concerned it is, for better or worse, a "done deal". It is over. It is not over because someone else says so. It is over because I say so. That's only fair. If you have an interest in it, you can find it here:Invalid Item .It is written to and for the staff, faculty, students, members and friends of the now defunct A-1 Writing Academy. I needed to say it, and they have the right to hear it. For those not a part of it, who felt it necessary to find a side to be on, I can only say that you have made your choices. May you find peace in them. I am back, and I have moved on. Yet, I remain, In His Care, Budroe |
| Well, here it is, once again! I am participating this year in the crazness, along with at least 250 other WDC members. I have joined the NaNo Write-A-Thon Group for this year's fun and frivolity! I do support the activity. This year, however, my words can create GPs for several good causes. Perhaps your cause could use some GP's as well. I need sponors, who will pledge GPs for the completed words, winning, etc. I could sure use some sponsors for this event. If you would be willing to sponsor me for the NaNo Write-A-Thon group, please go here and complete the Sponsor sign-up form you will find there: NaNoWriMo Write-A-Thon Group I would really feel greatly motivated if I knew that your sponsorship was bringing much needed GP to these fine WDC activitities. Please sponsor my work. I will win this year. r Blair is off to another exiting adventure! |
| "Book of the Year Awards" "DIY Convention Awards" "The Edgars" "2009 Independent Publisher's Awards" $25.00 per entry, up to $75.00 per entry, per category (Limit five categories, per title; limit five title)...ouch! One of my favorite author is well known for saying "Money flows TO the author!" Some say it is minimal risk for maximum return potential. I don't know about that. "Finalist, 2009 Greater West Bubblegum Readers Awards" I hope the good folks of this literate village will forgive my scepticism, but really.... "The New York Times proclaims him to be the breakout author of the year! A fabulous read! A page-turnig thiller that will captivate you!" Sounds grand, don't it? What if I were to tell you that this "review" came from an assistant editor, for a "reading fee" of $280.00. Would it be worth it? I love to write. I am a writer.I am a published author. When I began writing fiction, I decided to self-publish. I have learned a lot, and have to say I've gotten a deep sense of satisfaction from the process. This NaNo, I will be working--again on new words. That excites me. The juices are not yet flowing, but they are rumbling in my gut like a really bad burrito. To desire success is a human condition. I want a really good book, that a lot of folks (even in West Bubblegum) will buy, read, and enjoy a lot! The satisfaction of learning our craft must be measured, at some point, or at least to some degree, by the ability to bring ducets to the coffers. This is only true if you ever desire to make your complete living by the craft. I do. There is, as any successful author will tell you (if they are honest about it), an entire world of new skills which you must develop to be a "successful author". I'm learning them. I give one month to new words for NaNoWriMo. I then give one year to edit, revision, and manuscript preparation. It will take close to another year to get the publication ready, and out to the public. Marketing and sales follows ad infinitum, and takes most of the project's time. It doesn't take long to realize that all your time is invested in title that is growing longer in the tooth with each flip of the daily planner. There are ten titles planned for this particular series. There are currently nine different series, or single titles somewhere in my toolbox. My life has other dimensions as well. Even limited to the creative arts, there are three major projects which are to take my time. Is it worth it? Sometimes, I do believe it is worth it. In the middle of the afternoon, I sometimes wonder. There are many other things I could be doing with my time, after all.Family, friends, useful and productive endeavors.... I'm pondering these and other things tonight. But, to be honest, what I WANT to do is to cuddle up in my quilt, on my couch, order a pizza, and watch scary movies. Or,maybe even read a good book. Is it worth it? What do you think? Budroe |
| I realized today that it has been some 464 days since I have had access or contact with my blog, or its friends. Most of that was due to my inability to have an online connection at all. That absence was, for some, a welcome reprieve from the carryings on of a crazy man. Some of the many friends of this blog, who had blogs of their own, seem to have disappeared off the face of WDC. I have looked at the blogs on my blog list, and found nine of twenty five links no longer valid. That's a cool 36% of the list. Like for myself, sometimes things happen at the speed of life. But, if you know of a situation with one of the blogs from my list and can tell me what has happened to the folks, perhaps in a comment or even a private email, I would appreciate it. I feel the loss of those folks. Lots of folks, actually. The purpose of this blog has always been to journalize my journey through, and beyond the valley. I will continue to do just that as long as it is physically possible. By that, I mean as long as I have access. That should not be a problem for at least the foreseeable future. There is a lot to get caught up on. I'm not sure how to do that the best way, so I'm settling for updating the past months as I can, chronologically from the moment of the occurrences. I know that may be confusing for some. The question is whether or not I should do it here, or create a seperate static item and simply link to it here. So, I have to decide that. I considered a survey, but then thought it would work either way, thereby making a survey invalid. Is it that big a deal? Really? No, not really. This blog is written for me. I know what has happened. I just need to put it into a written form that might possibly help a reader sometime in the future. I want the words to be here. I don't even really know why. Catharsis? Legacy? Immortality? LOL Hardly. Therapy. It will help, I think. I'm missing folks. The journey continues. Let's see what we shall see, shall we? Indeed we shall. I do remain, In His Care, Budroe |
| From later on today, until Friday morning. There are, I know, a lot of pieces of the recent story missing. I will get to them, I promise. My Health Care Advocate (HCA), Sara, is helping me escape the land of West Hotdog (West Frankfort) for a little R&R in Columbia, Tennessee. I haven't had much chance to escape these particular confines in a while. I visited she and her husband a couple of times before now, and had a great time. She has helped me so very much with so many things...this is but one more. She is a Registered Nurse, and is the Administrator of the Hope Clinic, a non-profit, faith-based Clinic in her town that caters to those citizens who either do not have, or cannot afford healthcare. She is one of those people "of the hills" who was taught, as was I, that merely saying something isn't enough. With 3,000 + patients on their roles, the twice-weekly clinic uses volunteer Doctors and staff to see to the health concerns of those across several counties who would not otherwise find medical care. Yes, I am very proud of her. I am proud of them all. She has an amazing, dedicated staff of devoted volunteers who make the clinic work twice a week. Up to 15 patients per evening (in 3 hours, no less) find reason to feel just a little better because of the selfless sacrifice this group displays through their love, attention, and care. If I were asked, I would quickly encourage you to donate to this desperately needed cause. Donations can be made to the Hope Clinic via it's medical director: Charles Ball, M. D. Director of Medical Staff Maury County Regional Medical Center Columbia, Tennessee 38401 Just put ATTN: "Hope Center Donation" on the envelope. He will see the Clinic gets it. Every dollar goes directly to the clinic. Sara and I have been friends since about 1972. We dated for a couple of years, and thought we might even get married. While that didn't work out, those were among the very happiest years of my entire life. She happened back into my life in June of 2008, directly as a result of my being on WDC. You will find her here on occasion. I hope you would stop by and say "Hello!" to her. Budroesgirl is a truly remarkable person. She is a superior friend. And she has all my love. Those who know me will readily admit that loving me can be a bit of a challenge sometimes. Sara and her cast of cronies do it often, and very well. Even though I have issues, she looks over them. She can be a tough task master, but she always does it with my well-being and health as her first motivation. She has the luxury (?) of having known me for most of my life. She, too, has some rather startling medical issues which she faces each day with grace, humility, and honor. As long as I have known her, she is one person who has always known me. I am so very grateful for her in my life. Her family has made great sacrifice, too. She travels--regularly, between the two locations for my sake. She pays the freight, both ways, and brings joy, peace, tranquility and happiness to my otherwise chaotic life. I have so many caring friends here, and around the world who love me, pray for me, and take me to task from time to time. Sara is their leader. She is MY Warrior Angel. Sara asked me, when she first read this blog, to say "Hello!" to her in here sometime. Won't you help me welcome her to the site, and to this journey "officially?" I think she would like that. I know I would. Four specialists to be set up with appointments. A grand total of 29 medications to take daily. Blood sugars to see, and meals to live with. Sometimes, it is really hard not to be a patient. I don't do it very well, and when I have to do it for an extended period of time, I get...well,,. grumpy. I've been hearing a lot about what it is to be a curmudgeon. (Harrummpphhffff!!) That's my hint to flee stage left. I'll take a few days, and see if I can enjoy some time away from all the security of home--but just for a bit. Lord knows, we wouldn't want me to begin feeling normal! I'll keep in touch. Maybe I'll even go as far back as March 31st, 2009 and fill in some of the recent details that had me in the hospital, talking to doctors about bilateral amputation of my legs. So far, that hasn't happened, but I'm still not walking. It gets very frustrating and humbling to see other people taking care of you, doing those things that only a little while ago you could do for yourself. I have a great team, though. And, sitting atop the pile of countless people who love, support and encourage me is the one person I truly believed I would never see again: Sara. ~~~waves at Sara! Say "Hello!" to the people, Sara Reed! :) I am off to Tennessee. Yet, I do remain, In His Care, Budroe |
| "It's political and everybody knows it!" Really? I didn't know it. Teddy Roosevelt won it. Why? For the San Juan Hill charge? Woodroe Wilson won it. For what? Jimmy Carter won it after his term in office, but everyone knows why, even me. Most of the thousands of comments attached to the official announcement this morning from the Committee headquarters mentioned his absolute and diametric opposition to the thinking of the previous President; i.e., it had been anti-peace thinking that the Committee saw in President G. W. Bush--NOT the policies. I woke up to the news this morning. I happen to think it's just pretty incredible that the Committee, with less than a month's effort, could so clearly see such a difference, and the determination to carry it out. But then, more Americans saw it than didn't. That's saying more than a mouthful. Congratulations to us for getting it right! *Steps down from box, soap, one each* |
| Today. He's nice in a very nice sort of way. Last week, he made an error while ordering a test for me. It was a mid-level error; important enough to notice and take seriously, but not enough to call in a strike--ya know? He forgot to order some tests. He had to have the results before we could have our first "Official" meeting as Dr. vs. Patient. (It's a joke, okay?) So someone has to tell me that HE forgot to order the blood work. We will have to re-schedule the appointment for later. LATER? Yes. As in, another day? Nope. Another WEEK!! I got someone traveling from south of Nashville, TN--AND BACK to be here for that appointment, Buster! My Health Care Advocate, fer Yiminy's sake! LATER? Indeed! It wasn't a receptionist who called me. It wasn't a nurse. It wasn't a tech, or a hospital/clinic bureaucrat, even. Nobody standing between he and me. HE CALLED ME! TWICE!! I mean as in PERSONALLY! TWICE! And, he's married, already! Go figger. :Nudge, nudge: Ya like apples? Well, how ya like them apples??  .In His Care, Budroe |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
