~WhoMe???~'s (whome) Reviews

~WhoMe???~

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801

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#3376602

Review of Just a Fairytale

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Just a Fairytale"

Siren Offspring

I must say this is the very first piece I have actually reviewed in which I saw the lyrics before seeing the poem within the lines. To me lyrics and poems are very much the same, or so I have always thought. This poem has opened my eyes to see a broader view.

The punctuation did not fit the capitalization, but did fit the lyric emphasis which I think may have been why I was able to see the forest from the trees. A great eye opener, and I wouldn't have this changed for anything.

A great set of lyrics that are only awaiting the tune to find them. A wonderful piece of artwork.

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lonewolfmcq

802

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#3375866

Review of Serenity

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Rated: E

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"Serenity"

Ducttape Knight

A metaphoric piece that illustrates the serenity of life for this author. A well written piece.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

The vision brought to light by this poem was a beautiful existence.

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lonewolfmcq

803

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#3375849

Review of Dark Seasons

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Rated: 18+

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"Dark Seasons"

eyzolfwolf

A gothic tale of love written in a Senryu format. Using the 5-7-5 format, this love tale ends with a finality that surpasses none.

The punctuation spelling and grammar are all in order.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the love being so strong that the life is consumed, I felt a bit of chaos peeking through and felt that this would be better displayed as a centered piece. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall this is well written and a great read.

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#3370651

Review of Accused

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Rated: 13+

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"Accused"

Write-fully Loti

A well written short story. The depth of emotions portrayed are expressed quite clearly. I was able to pull up great images of this piece. The deep set emotion that builds like a dam about to burst as the pressure of what has been done comes to realization.

I can see this also as a poem, centered and cascading down the page. Just something to consider.

Overall I enjoyed reading this. It is well written and is a true testament to actions being played out in cities today.

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#3370650

Review of Your Poem

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Rated: 13+

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"Your Poem"

Erika

A short prose to another about the feelings expressed in a poem for this cherished person. I found the emotion of this writing disturbing and dark.

Written in the style of a letter, I can also envision this in another format. Centered on the page and broken up more as it cascades downward. For instance instead of the third paragraph being a sentence or two, the part that starts with breathe would then be broke up into several lines consisting of two of the actions per line. This would create somewhat of a rant or rave :

Eat your poem.
Breathe, sleep,
live, hurt,
screw, love,
and say your poem
out loud
with words so loud,
I'll have to vomit them out
by the time I am through with your poem.

Overall, a well written piece, though the taste it left was a bit sour and dry for me. I felt this was a darker poem that portrays emotions well. Good job!

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#3366684

Review of Aftermath

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Rated: 13+

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"Aftermath"

Crucis

A very detail excerpt from a story or novel, this piece on the aftermath of a battle is stunning and riveting. Caught up in the descriptive and the destruction, great emphasis is placed on what is being seen by the characters, and it is told so vividly the reader gets caught up in the moment.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

Overall I found this to be a well written piece. Aside from the repetitive use of conjunctions to start sentences, this piece is fabulous and would be a great lure for me to investigate the book or novel further.

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#3365214

Review of The Dark...

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Rated: 13+

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"The Dark..."

WebWitch Miss you, Mom!

A frightful poem of life other than you or I have experienced. Looking at life through the eyes of an inanimate object can be scary.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

A great poem of alternate rhyme. How did it place in the competition?

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#3365211

Review of A Birthday Limerick (revised)

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"A Birthday Limerick (revised)"

Marsha Musselman

A lyric of fun written in memory of a friend, and sharing some of her qualities with all. A light of heart piece that is a joy to read.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece, and though it contains it, it isn't consistent. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from additional punctuation added to the first and last verses of the poem. Without it, the lines are all run together.

A wonderful limerick that I can envision either formatted aligned to the left of the page or centered. Either way, this is fun to read and gives us a vision of a wonderful lady. Thank you for sharing.

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#3365205

Review of Her Tears

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Rated: E

| (4.5)

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"Her Tears"

Siren Offspring

A very philosophical piece that makes one stop to think about the emotions and feelings of another.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the questions put to the reader, I feel this is an emotionally charged piece that would look good centered on the page to go with the emotional pull. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong. All of this poem contains punctuation with the exception of the first verse, which I feel is the most prominent, and deserving or needing of the punctuation to further emphasis the emotion.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation being added to the first verse.

Overall a thought provoking piece of poetry that is well written and a great conversational piece.

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#3351214

Review of Last Gift

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Rated: E

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"Last Gift"

Amay

A sweet heart tugging piece of love and friendship that has ties none who have not experienced will understand. This short tale of a soldiers return home is sad and tear filled. It was also warming and comforting.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction , but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

~When she realizes that this is his final gift to her, I feel that tears of joy and love (that he came to comfort her)would fall as she slept. Just something to consider possibly adding.

Overall this is a well written piece. I didn't notice any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors other than the small one notated.
The story was enjoyable to read. It flowed well and delivered a good message.

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#3350974

Review of "Art an Expression of the Heart"

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Art is in the eye of the beholder. Just as the artwork is the heart of the artist. Each the viewer and the creator will see something different, for art is to interpretation, as is this well written poem. I see this poem as a piece of expression on writing, and the encouragement to write regardless of what the reviewer has to say.

This, to me, is a free-style poem speaking out on the merits of writing for the sake of the art and what the creator gets out of it.

I could see no errors in this piece. The grammar, spelling and punctuation all appear to be in order. A well stated message is delivered as well. Very creatively done.

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#3349322

Review of Why I Quit My Dream Job

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

With tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart, I read down the page not in shock, for us humans can be cruel, but in stunned silence. Why would I be stunned, if I wasn't in shock? The fact that the directors and higher management allowed such atrocities to not only happen, but to continue, is something that is utterly stunning.

Institutions created to help those who can not help themselves must be run or governed by someone. It saddens my heart that someone would take advantage of these people in need as was in this circumstance.

I am proud of you for taking a stand and relieving the workers. I hope you don't ever have a days regret for what you did, regardless of the outcome. What you did was right and true to heart.

This is a well written piece. The grammar, spelling and punctuation all appear to be in order. The subject and context moved in unison down the page, revealing a story of sadness.

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#3349301

Review of Fluffy

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Written for a prompt contest this great entry is a child's nightmare come true.

~When children are scared, they often go to the familiar. In this case we would be referring to the use of dad vs. daddy. I think the more familiar daddy would be better used in this instance. The child is scared and goes to the familiar.

~ I like that the prompt and the requirements for the writing were added at the end. This allows readers the privilege of knowing the limitations put upon a writing.

This is a very well written scary nightmare piece. I can envision this as a child's nightmare come true.

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#3345579

Review of Deceived

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Rated: E

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"Deceived"

Mariu

A free-style poem of deep emotion and metaphor. Mistakes in the past come back to haunt the voice of the poem.

I had some confusion with the first verse. I was unable after several reads to determine what the they was referencing. It didn't feel right with the rest of the poem. Could the they refer to feelings or emotions? This was unclear to me.

The punctuation, grammar and spelling appear to be in order. A well written piece, though some of it was confusing to me, though that doesn't mean anything was wrong with the writing, just the reading.

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#3345326

Review of A Vile Visitor

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Rated: ASR

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"A Vile Visitor"

Tammy~Catchin Up~

Hello dear friend, it has been a great while since I have had the opportunity to see and speak with you. I am glad one of your items has been featured this week as an item for review in the Simply Positive Group.

The rhyming couplets draw down the page with great rhythm and steam as the poem heats up to a crescendo. The metaphoric message is a dream sequence that speaks volumes to the reader. One thing I truly appreciated seeing was the choice you made to center this poem. To me, doing so showed that the poem was full of emotional chaos. The despair of the voice of the poem at being dragg ed into a falsehood, and then later having to claw back up from the depths of despair, only to find it is all a dream, represents a chaotic confusion for the voice of the poem.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page can imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion.

Overall I felt this was well written, and I enjoyed reading it over and over. I felt it was free of spelling, grammar and punctuation error.

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#3345314

Review of Listening to the Rain

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Rated: E

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"Listening to the Rain"

Thaddeus Buxton Winthrop

Alternate rhyming couplets make up this wonderful poem about nature's tears that cleanse the soul. This is a peaceful and relaxing piece that was a joy to read and a blessing to witness.

I enjoyed that a reference to another author was given. It actually lit a spark of interest for me.

Though I have nothing intellectual or amusing to say about this great poem, I did enjoy reading it repetitively. I saw nothing wrong with the grammar, spelling or punctuation. The rhythm and rhyme were in sequence and comprehensively fit together well. A great piece of artwork, thank you for sharing.

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#3344816

Review of You're Crazy

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Rated: 13+

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"You're Crazy"

Just Aniece!

A free-style poem full of emotion and contrast. The depth of the poem is almost depressive. It's emotional well is deep yet it also yearns for more from an outside source.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page can imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the pull of opposites in every line, I feel the chaos of the emotional state puts this as a piece to be centered. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

There are a few lines which need some grammatical correcting. I have noticed that another reviewer has pointed these out, so I will leave it said at that.

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#3344527

Review of I Love America!

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Rated: E

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"I Love America!"

J. A. Buxton

Once again you grace my screen with wonderful ramblings that come from the heart. You touch upon many issues facing today's society in this great country of ours. You talk about many rights and freedoms which make this country so great.

I was proud to raise the flag this holiday season in remembrance of all that has come before. This is a great nation, and yes, it does have its faults, but we are striving each day to overcome them.

Thank you for sharing your chosen words and for expressing your love of our country.

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#3341628

Review of HAIKUS (about trees)

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Rated: E

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"HAIKUS (about trees)"

khaki

Thank you Bill for the invite to peruse your portfolio. In so doing I stumbled upon this great poetry and thought I would put in some reflection.

I am not sure what classification everyone is using when they say there work is the "MODERN FORM" of Haiku. It seems to vary from author to author. That being said, The second portion of the poem, or second poem rather, the last line seemed to be off for me. At first glance I thought it was the syllable count, but soon realized, the count was 4/5/4. Upon further reflection, and five or so reads, I have to conclude it is the wording itself. Thus, making it all a personal preference. If I were to choose an alternate last line for the second poem, it would be as such:
as if in speech or while conversing. Though I am having troubles, is WHILE a one or two syllable count,,, have to look that one up.

Thank you for sharing these wonderful poems. There were a delight to read and a refreshing outlook.

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#3341416

Review of Tea Kettle In Awe

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Rated: E

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"Tea Kettle In Awe"

Daizy May

A wonderful little poem full of rhythm and excitement. Though no set pattern was used, the rhythm and rhyme brought forth a sing song pattern that was fun and uplifting.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page can imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, may have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the sing song voice and the uncertain pattern, I feel the centering of the poem signifies motion or movement as in an excitement in the air. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

A wonderful poem of which I enjoyed reading.

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#3339035

Review of NYC

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"NYC"

Legerdemain

Such a picturesque poem I was transported through time and space to the east coast, where the city came alive. For some reason I started out thinking this was going to be a rhyming piece, however the rhythm was with the voice of the poem as the reader walked through the city, heading home from a hard days work.

This poem is very vivid. The smells permeated the area as the transformation from sitting at a computer desk, to walking the streets of NY city took place.

The wording of this poem was so powerful that I feel as if I just came in from the streets. A powerful piece.

This was well written. The images brought to life were focused and raw as if I were truly there. I didn't notice any spelling or punctuation errors and the grammar flowed smooth.

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#3333454

Review of BLAVATSKY'S BUS

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"BLAVATSKY'S BUS"

DRSmith

Reading this masterful piece, I was swept away with the pace of the bus as we traveled through time on this epic journey. Not till we drove along side of Beaches of Belmont did I actual stop to look up at who the driver was. Odd that I didn't make the connection before, though glad to read without bias on any account. It is the story that had held me in it's clutches without thought that there was an author. I was in the story, living it as it unfolded word for word, sentence to paragraph.

Noticing not an error, the spelling, punctuation, and grammar, all appeared to be properly placed and in order. I could find naught to add to this writing. It was eloquently written and well comprehensible. The story was thrilling and I was swept away on a journey.

Overall I can not say enough about this piece. Though this review is short, I am at awe and speechless. The opening and ending were fitting, and yet caught me totally by surprise in the end. The bus ride was an adventure, the destination was one I had not counted upon. Very well told, with great humor and wonderful emotion wrapped into each word.

Upon reading this I almost hesitant about forwarding that book on to a friend. I feel it may be one I would truly cherish myself, for content as well as due to the author and the way THIS short piece was written itself. I found this very moving and vibrant.

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#3333447

Review of A Wondrous Adventure

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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"A Wondrous Adventure"

One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years. To read is to voyage through time.
~Carl Sagan

Have a sunshiny day!

A wonderful article you have created which had my undivided attention. This fantastic piece written on aspects from the bible in reference to the quotation given has sparked some great contemplation and debate among this household. A creative piece that had me bookmarking this author for future reading.

I didn't notice any errors, spelling, grammatical or punctuation to comment upon. The facts backed themselves up and the story was well told.

Overall it was a great experience reading this story. I thoroughly enjoyed the part about the newsflash and the whale story. It gave me pause to contemplate some other stories and how they might play out in today's society.

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#3333428

Review of I Met Mr. C.

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"I Met Mr. C."

One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years. To read is to voyage through time.
~Carl Sagan

ruwth

A most amazing fictional story. The life of Mr. C as told here, had me enthralled to the end and had me yearning for more details and images as only one can get from a truly amazing story.

From the very onset of this short story, I was captivated and immersed into another world. One of which I was eager to follow more in-depth. I wish I had the memoirs to peruse as this character did. A great story.

It was the same town where he might see "Indians" decked out in all their native attireA missing word left the sentence incomplete.

This was well written. I could find nothing to comment upon as far as grammar, spelling or punctuation, other than the brief notation above.

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#3333373

Review of Danny And The Gnomes

Review by ~WhoMe???~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

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One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years. To read is to voyage through time.
~Carl Sagan
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"Danny And The Gnomes"

Tol

Danny And The Gnomes is an interesting twist of a story. Drama and horror fill the page as two brothers decide to single out the other help on the estate. Opening this can of worms may have been more garden critters than the brothers could handle.

I felt that the story was one with a great horror base. It does feel rushed though as if there is too much story for the word limit. I feel with more time or an unrestricted word count, this would make for a better short story.

~I felt that more spacing was needed between paragraphs and dialogue to make it easier on the reader. All pushed together like it is, was distracting. There was no differentiation between time with everything grouped together. Separating the paragraphs with spacing helps to show travel or distance from one place to another.

~ The stylish poncho his he wears keeps

~ the dance.Among them (an extra space after the period is missing)

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

Overall this was a great story of which I enjoyed reading.

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