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Intro
A Simply Positive review. This review, the suggestions and views, are my personal opinions. My wish is for the review to be helpful and positive. Please take what you can or wish from the review, and disregard the rest. |
N. Cain ![](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/costumicons/ps-icon-regular-10.gif)
![Sun *Sun*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/sun.png)
A school assignment, so happy to review. An interesting piece this is here, life as another being, yet one we are familiar with.
![Star *Star*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/star.png)
~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, beside, to name a few.
~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.
~heard on of an entire new world
![Moon *Moon*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/e21/moon.png)
Overall, not bad. It is plain to tell from the grammar and sentence structure that this is a school writing. I do not mean this in a negative or demeaning way. I did find humor in this and thought it a creative writing for a student. Here is an alternative to the first and opening paragraph, as I see it... not saying anything is wrong with what you have, just an alternate view:
Where did the Jellyfish go? The Jellyfish had gone home to pack, "Hello Antartica! Here I come!", he shouted. Grabbing his suitcase and slithering to his car, he drove down Jellyfish Road, and that is when the accident happened.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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