~WhoMe???~'s (whome) Reviews

~WhoMe???~

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751

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#3415661

Review of Love

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Love"

kaitlynn

A love filled poem from one to another, simple yet complex with emotion.

ALIGNMENT
Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page implies unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. I feel that with the shortness of the poem and the overall feeling of emotion, that centering it, sort of brings out the emotion and places it center stage. This helps to enhance the emotion of the poem. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall a great piece other than the fact that the word friend seems to be misspelled.

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#3413928

Review of help

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Rated: E

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"help"

swiftti24

An emotional poem of loss and and despair. Raw feelings expressed as one is torn from another. A great demonstration of what tragedy can do to us..

Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the loss of identity demonstrated with the lower case I, and the pleas for return, I feel that centering this poem would further help illustrate the emotional turmoil. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

I am torn on just what to rate this. Overall a great poem. However the lack of capitalization of the I, can be one of two things. It can be a hurried job with no proof read, and this conclusion due to the title not being capitalized and the misspelling in the subtitle as well. On the other hand, the lower case I, can be a tool the author is using to show lack of self respect. Without the other person, who are they as an individual. It further helps to demonstrate the need for help by leaving the lower case, so is this done on purpose.

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#3413258

Review of I Miss Buttons

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Rated: E

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"I Miss Buttons"

>>^..^<< Kat

A short story well suited for all ages, this is a great piece on learning about life and how we sometimes have to face the unthinkable. This is about growing up and learning, deduction, and acceptance, this is life.

~It appears to me that one vital word is missing from the opening line. No matter how many times I read it, I keep adding one word, so I will add it here for you to view and decide for yourself if it should be here in the story:

Cindy had said the same

~I feel that introducing a new character at the end of the story was misleading and confusing. I felt that something needed to be mentioned about Jasper being a good friend or confident before-hand so that we the reader know when she speaks of going to speak with Jasper, that we know why she settles on this as a good name for the pup.

Overall a great story, just a few small details left to ironed out. The grammar, spelling and punctuation all appear to be in order. This is targeted to be well suited for any age of reader. Well done.

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#3413252

Review of A Tribute To My Sons!!

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Rated: E

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Intro

"A Tribute To My Sons!!"

janice48 Have a Nice Day!!

A poem of rhyming couplets which trickle down the page pouring forth multitudes of love and adoration for two sons who have been a true blessing. Though this reads as if written for one, it is dedicated to both. At first this was confusing to me, but after much deliberation I was able to wrap my mind around it. It is hard to say if this was written with one in mind or the other, or if this was written for sons in general and dedicated to your sons. However the case may be, the sons represented here are strong and well loved. The strengths portrayed here are ones any mother would be proud to find in her sons.

~in the fourth verse, last line, a space needs to follow the comma.

Overall a wonderful piece. I could find nothing detracting from the poem.

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#3412678

Review of Thump Thump Beep

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Rated: 13+

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"Thump Thump Beep"

Aila Jade

I must admit, the first time I saw this was from the perspective of a terrible review, or at least my view of what was a terrible review. So I took a quick glance at was being reviewed, without reading the content. That was a day ago. Upon reading this fully for the first time I see where his review was coming from, but I also see where he was wrong, and where some alterations can help to clear some misunderstandings.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the noises of the machines, in conjunction of the turmoil of the sorrow and grief caused by their actions, this poem would be greatly justified and better suited if it were to be centered upon the page. Centering it helps to give it the illusion of a rant or rave. Short words or emotions going down the page in poetic form to describe an action or thought. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

I hope the above mentioned idea will help you reach some other readers so they can see your vision of poetry.

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#3412677

Review of Stomping on Eggshells

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Rated: ASR

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Intro

"Stomping on Eggshells"

Jayde Davids

If you knew what was to come life would be like walking on eggshells. Though the title doesn't bear much relationship in conjunction with the paragraph other than to mention it once, it does bring up a good point. If you knew what life had in store for you, what would you do to prevent it?

There were a few blaring items that needed pointed out. When I say blaring, I am referencing that to me these are items that jumped out at me as needed mentioning, not that they are blaring mistakes...

~It was snowing when I got into my carimmediately preceding this is a comma which should be a period.

the man eye I loved

Overall, I found this to be an interesting couple of paragraphs. It felt like I had seen this or read this somewhere before, only I have not. The reality of what can be and what is, often is a fine line. These eggshells are so often just that, a fine line waiting to be crossed.

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#3412655

Review of Forever the bearing weight

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Rated: E

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"Forever the bearing weight"

Cosimo

A deep reflection in such a small piece. Many metaphors can be derived from this conclusive poem.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. The alignment of this poem was a perfect choice. I feel the format and subject matter complement each other through the centering of this poem. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall a well written poem I liked as is. Great Job.

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#3412654

Review of Where Did the Jellyfish go?

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Intro

"Where Did the Jellyfish go?"

N. Cain

A school assignment, so happy to review. An interesting piece this is here, life as another being, yet one we are familiar with.

~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, beside, to name a few.

~Starting a sentence with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions starting sentences.

~heard on of an entire new world

Overall, not bad. It is plain to tell from the grammar and sentence structure that this is a school writing. I do not mean this in a negative or demeaning way. I did find humor in this and thought it a creative writing for a student. Here is an alternative to the first and opening paragraph, as I see it... not saying anything is wrong with what you have, just an alternate view:

Where did the Jellyfish go? The Jellyfish had gone home to pack, "Hello Antartica! Here I come!", he shouted. Grabbing his suitcase and slithering to his car, he drove down Jellyfish Road, and that is when the accident happened.

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#3412645

Review of Today

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Intro

"Today"

.enn

If ever there were a poem on life, then this is it. To me this is summing up all that I am going through now, and the outlook, I should be heading, though am choosing to ignore. This is the view I take and choose to show to others, though often forget to look at or accept for myself.

They say you will never truly appreciate what you have until it is gone, that being said, then yes, you can never have a true high in life without a very low. This is life in its most simplified terms, yet it is as complex as it gets. This is reality.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. I felt that this poem would benefit from centering in the aspect that life isn't a flat left or right solid line to follow down the page, it is about uneven lines, and ups and downs. The centered poem would offer cohesion to the overall picture in the aspect that it helps create a relationship for the reader to visualize. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

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#3410300

Review of My Friend

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Rated: E

| (4.0)

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"Invalid Item"

edmonto19

This was a hard piece for me to read as well as review. I have had to come back to this several times. That is because it struck home with me and hit a personal note. I didn't read the subscript to know right away what this was about, but I somehow sensed that the friend was a pet who had passed. Having lost a pet a year ago, one of 15years, a close friend, this was devastating, and reading something so nerve touching brought back feelings and emotions I wasn't ready to have visit me this day. So I put this away until now.

Having a poem touch you on such a personal level says a lot about the poem as well as the talent of the writer.

~The fourth verse last line needs a period to end the line to be in conjunction with the rest of the poem.

~The fourth verse, the usage of the word to, used twice, should be changed to tooin order to be grammatically correct.

~Though the poem hit so many nerve endings, I felt many of the lines were a bit lengthy for a poem and could use some editing for content. Though this is just personal opinion. Since free-style form is used, the length and number of lines per verse should not be of issue.

Overall this is a well written poem, though there were a few minor changes that could improve it in this readers mind.

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#3409598

Review of Take Care of Mama

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Rated: E

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Intro

"Take Care of Mama"

Trouble

Though the emotion of the poem was jerky with tears and sobs, the rhyming was on the mark. The emotional aspect had tears flowing each time I read this piece.

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

Overall a wonderful poem. I had nothing to add, other than the one suggestion above.

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#3409589

Review of January Hush

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Rated: E

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Intro

"January Hush"

Laurel Harmony

A picturesque tapestry is created with this short and sweet one verse poem. With the simplicity of it, I can see many variations put onto this piece, though as it is, it stands strong on it's own, just windy on some lines.

A great journal entry. I can envision a young child staring out the window past the ceramic angels mom has put in the window to protect and watch over them. Past the wings out in the yard, the snowflakes have just begun to fall as the sun is going down and the darkness is taking over.

Overall a well written piece. I felt it a bit wordy though for my personal taste, though that is just personal. I can see many variations to this without detracting from the original concept.

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#3409578

Review of Killer Rose: Prologue

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Rated: 13+

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Intro

"Killer Rose: Prologue"

Sky

I thought that the repetition of the words was distracting from the point. I see another alternative and would like to share it, so as not to copy the whole thing I will just do a few of the verses:

Red;
the color of blood;
pain;
war;
hatred;
guilt.
The color of my hands.

White;
the color of snow;
purity;
innocence;
freshness;
newness.
The color of my mind.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

The opening, right after the poem is strong and has captured my attention. This is intriguing and would have me looking further at this book. One small typo is that in the last few lines of typing at the bottom, beginning with "As long as lived the word IIs omitted.

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#3409576

Review of A Passing Away

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Rated: E

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"A Passing Away"

Kris D'Amato

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpretated. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. I felt that the disturbing underlying tones of this torturous poem put the emotions in such a state that aligning the poem further agitates the surface so as to help create the feeling of unrest and uncertainty. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

One part of this bothered me, and that was the line Memories too broken...for how can this be? I am sitting here analyzing this by talking this out here with you, so bear with me. Once a memory is broken, can it be fixed? How is a memory broken? If a memory can be fixed then the phrase too broken would work.

Overall this was a dark poem that I truly could not at this time wrap my thoughts around. Not to say this isn't a good poem, just that it isn't in my genre of reading at the time. For this is well written.

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#3409142

Review of Gazing

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Rated: E

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"Gazing"

JACE

The poem brilliantly describes the picture, and the picture compliments the poem. Together the two create a scenery of cold pristine winter as the isolation of solitude and the early morning sense of peace shrouds us in a protective covering of winter.

The format chosen for this poem or the poem chosen to be used for this format (chicken first or egg), either way, they both compliment each other in such a fashion that the two were born in and of each other, together, in unison as one.

I felt this poem was a brilliant piece of work. So much so that I am going digging for some much deserved gps to display a ribbon of beauty to accompany this poem. This is a marvelous piece of art that captures the feeling of winter and fresh fallen snow.

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#3409118

Review of Room at the End

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Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)

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"Room at the End"

♥HOOves♥

At first read of the title and description I paused. Having lost my dearest friend, my grandmother, to first dementia and then Alzheimer's, even talking about either subject is touchy for me most times.

My friend a talented writer chose to write on the subject and chose a format that I am not too familiar with so I had to see what was written. What is said, what is told, what will I feel, that will touch me? I had to find out....

I sit here crying as I did while watching "The Notebook" based on the book by Nicholas Sparks. I had just lost my grandmother to these diseases and the emotions and feelings were raw. I was far away at the time of losing her. I had only visited with her once where I was able to witness the change from who she once was, to the then shell of who she became right before the end.

This strong poem brought all of the raw emotion back into focus. I have since been able to find closure with my grandmother's loss. However, it is times like this, when reading something so intimate and edgy with the hard facts of what is going on, that I wish I had been closer and able to physically comfort her.

This poem is a personification of the reality. It is a look into the mind of what is going on in the eyes of the inflicted. Sometimes they understand at first, others they do not. It is hard for everyone involved.

Thank you for this talented writing. The format chosen for this poem shows the circles and cycles of which the dementia works. Thank you for allowing me to once again cherish a thought and memory. For in reading this work, I will be thinking of grandma the rest of the night.

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#3409109

Review of Roses in Heaven

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Rated: E

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Intro

"Roses in Heaven"

Winnie Kay

Wonderfully rhythmical this sad tale was brilliantly written. Created with style and poise this is a great message delivered. A plea to a higher power to take care of a loved one who has passed on and will be greatly missed.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the loss of the mother and her being the focus of this piece, I felt that centering this was a wise choice, doing so gives the added impression of distraught emotion. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

Overall I felt this was a great poem. I could find no flaws with it at all. The spelling, punctuation and grammatical structure all appeared to be in order and the centered format was a great compliment to the content.

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#3409103

Review of Autumn

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Autumn"

Thaddeus Buxton Winthrop

Verse one of this detailed fall piece paints us a picture of the autumn weather creeping up on us. Starting with the subtle temperature changes in the first verse the poem soon breaks into more revealing elemental tell tell signs.

I thought that this free-style piece was a joy to read. So detailed with the finer points of the season that even if it were spring I would feel a chill creeping up my spine as I envisioned the leaves drifting to the driveway.

From Summer to fall, then the burst into winter, it is sometimes such a sudden change that the only way we are able to distinguish is to watch the leaves. The leaves and their chlorophyll are always the first sign of fall for me.

Overall a wonderful poem depicting the season.

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#3408447

Review of TODAY AND EVERMORE 15 lines

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"TODAY AND EVERMORE 15 lines"

Yellow Rose

A wonderful poem full of emotional pull and desire. This heartfelt piece is the heartbeat we all have felt at one time or another, and then...NO SPOILERS HERE...

~Some will tell you that punctuation is needed in poetry. Others will argue that it is not needed and makes no difference. Still, there will be those who say it is up to the particular poet and the poem itself. Personally I feel that the way the verses flow down the page, that punctuation is necessary for this piece. Though without it, the message is still there, it just isn't as strong.

For me, I use to write poetry without any punctuation. Somewhere down the line someone gave me sound advice and it made sense to me. The punctuation, or lack thereof in a poem, is the direction of the writer, guiding the reader. The punctuation is where the author wishes the reader to take a breath; to contemplate; to pause for dramatic effect. The lack of punctuation says the same thing, "Read in one breath, whether slow, or fast, down the page". To me, punctuation is direction from the author to the reader. Use it, or don't , to your heart's desire and don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. However, if using it, be consistent throughout the piece. My personal opinion, this poem would benefit from punctuation.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. With the repeated message of "Walk with me", I felt that not all was right, and this should be centered. This was a cry to another, before it is all to late, as one wakes up from the dream. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

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#3407928

Review of A Little Bit of Whimsy

Review by ~WhoMe???~

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

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"A Little Bit of Whimsy"

ShelleyA~15 years at WDC

A beautiful web page has been designed here showcasing a background into who you the author are, and where you come from.

I did feel that the light teal writing of your favorite Christian poem on top of the light colored rose was a bit of a strain on the eyes.

I liked the links to your poetry nook and Guest book, though I thought they should be larger. Of course, this again is just my opinion. I didn't design my own web page, so who am I to say?

I thought the COPYSCAPE protection was an added bonus. I don't recall seeing that anywhere else before this.

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#3401545

Review of Tradition!

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Tradition!"

Kenzie

A great lesson is shared here. Why are some things always done a certain way? Through this lesson we can bring an image to play and question some of the things in our everyday lives. Why do we do this, and is there another way? This type of thinking can lead to new and great discoveries.

~towards~ represents directional movement or action of time. In speech many people like to take the action words and give them an added syllable "s" to help propel them forward. Already being a word of action, this effort is unnecessary and leads to creating a slang term. This terminology then transfers into our writing. Now, if the piece of writing already contains slang terminology throughout the piece, then this would be acceptable, if not, then I would alter the word to the proper form, as I suggest with this instance. This also happens with forward, afterward, inward, downward, backward, outward, beside, to name a few.

Thank you for sharing this great story. Though not originally yours, the message is one all should receive. Thank you.

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#3401500

Review of Shattered Heart

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Shattered Heart"

jaya h

A good poem on a harsh subject. The pieces left behind are often difficult to put together. This is a poem on picking up those pieces. It doesn't centralize on how things were broken or elaborate much on the reconstruction, it simply states in a rhythmical fashion that something was broken and put back together through a blessing.

~I would suggest capitalizing the second word in the title. As it stands, to me anyway, the heart is diminished by the lack of capitalization. Though, now thinking of this, it may be a ploy to show the lack of strength in the heart due to the poem's content.

~~Starting a sentence or poem with a conjunction, but or and, creates an incomplete thought or sentence for the reader. This can be changed by adding a comma and joining the sentence with the previous one, since they are of the same subject. That, or drop the conjunction and open strong for the next sentence or line. Though the use of conjunctions to start sentences is becoming more of a norm in today's writings, it is still frowned upon in many writing circles. When used with slang terminology, the use of conjunctions to start sentences is a commonality. I have found that the younger the audience, the more the use of conjunctions in starting sentences. My suggestion for this particular piece would be to leave the conjunction but alter the punctuation in the line above.

This is slated as a free verse poem, yet all lines are written in a rhyming couplet format with the exception of the last which brings a finality to the poem with the offset rhyme. I don't think, though this is my personal opinion, that this is a free verse. I view this more as a rhyming poem with a conclusion. Not sure there is a specific name for this type I am describing though.

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#3401496

Review of Family

Review by ~WhoMe???~

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"Family"

jaya h

Short and sweet with great punctuation, this acrostic poem was light and airy. It left me with a feeling of harmony and love. What I envision upon reading this is a well structured family unit where the parents have worked diligently to nurture and teach the children to prepare them for their lives ahead once they leave the nest.

The only real suggestion I have for this piece would be to utilize one of the site's functions and to enlarge the poem with the sizing writingML. I feel this short acrostic would greatly stand out with this feature, and help to keep the poem from being swallowed up in the small space.

One brief note on the editing, the second line contains an additional bolded letter. Only the A should be bold in the first word of the second line.

Which by the way, making each letter of the acrostic base bold was a nice touch. I think that adds to the experience of the reader and further puts emphasis on the meaning of the poem.

The tone or voice of this poem was soft and full of love. The sing song rhythm produced for me by the punctuation was a tune of happiness and joy.

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#3400406

Review of Oh the Cost

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Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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"Oh the Cost"

BIG BAD WOLF is Merry

In conjunction with your auction win, this review and gps should complete your package.

~Sometimes something as simple as where an item is placed upon the page can help to determine how it is interpreted. Poetry is up to the interpretation of the reader. What a poet writes, and the message a reader gets isn't always the same, especially when using metaphors. That being said, aligning a poem to the left of a page may imply unification; all is right in the world. Centering an item so that all of the lines are askew, based upon character count, can have the meaning of chaos and turmoil in life or emotion. I felt that this was brilliantly displayed in the centered format, because it helps to show the struggles of the soldier through the uneven lines. Though keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, I am but a novice when it comes to poetry and its teachings.

I could see this as part of a song, although some of the rhythm was troublesome due to some rhyming consistently for a few verses, then breaking free.

Overall this is a well written piece and a great tribute.

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#3393086

Review of THE WOMAN BEHIND THE MASK

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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"THE WOMAN BEHIND THE MASK"

Christine Cassello

This wonderful story told in verse is sing song and lyrical. The flow was smooth and concise as it was free from spelling, grammar and punctuation. The continuity of the piece was well put together.

Though told many a time, the fairytale is always a favorite of mine, for they do come true. This one is told very well and rhythmically. I could find no error with this piece and I commend you on a job well done.

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